Is It Always Escapism?

‘Guru, I’m in a toxic situation.’
‘What makes it toxic?’
‘People who want to keep it toxic.’
‘What do you wish to do about it?’
‘I’ve tried hard to change people.’
‘And you discovered it’s impossible.
I repeat. What do you wish to do about it?’
‘Honestly, I want to exit it.’
‘What’s stopping you?’
‘Guilt. Will I be a coward if I exit?
Is it not my duty to change this situation?
Must I not be an inspiration for people
to change? Or at least a hindrance to them?’
‘Oh, so you’re favoring this image of braveness instead of caring for your actual self. That’s funny. Perhaps you’ve been taught since childhood that everything is in your control and you must command each situation and you’re responsible for its outcomes.’
‘Yes… That’s how I’ve been raised…’
‘The “try hard” drive, at play! Alas, these false scripts and their victims! My friend, cowardice is when you choose not to do what you can. Here, the only thing you can do is to make this system obsolete. A system is its people; and you can’t change others. Can’t convince vultures not to eat the rot. You can only make them redundant. To that effect, you need to get out and make your own system.’
‘I need to be the change I want to see…’
‘By not doing that, you’re essentially feeding these toxic people. Like parasites thriving on a host, they live off of your existence. Your patience. Even your honest action. See, and you’ll realize all of it actually helps them! You’re the convenience for them, not a hindrance. You’re surely an inspiration for them – to continue what they do, not to change. We see this in relationships, workplaces, organizations. In such a case, a good person’s exit isn’t merely permissible, it’s advisable. It’s a necessity. Get out before you burn out. You need to stay yourself so that you can go create beauty. Be real. Not all exits are escapism. Some are self-care.’

#mindfulness #life #awareness #selfcare

Is It Always Escapism?

‘Guru, I’m in a toxic situation.’
‘What makes it toxic?’
‘People who want to keep it toxic.’
‘What do you wish to do about it?’
‘I’ve tried hard to change people.’
‘And you discovered it’s impossible.
I repeat. What do you wish to do about it?’
‘Honestly, I want to exit it.’
‘What’s stopping you?’
‘Guilt. Will I be a coward if I exit?
Is it not my duty to change this situation?
Must I not be an inspiration for people
to change? Or at least a hindrance to them?’
‘Oh, so you’re favoring this image of braveness instead of caring for your actual self. That’s funny. Perhaps you’ve been taught since childhood that everything is in your control and you must command each situation and you’re responsible for its outcomes.’
‘Yes… That’s how I’ve been raised…’
‘The “try hard” drive, at play! Alas, these false scripts and their victims! My friend, cowardice is when you choose not to do what you can. Here, the only thing you can do is to make this system obsolete. A system is its people; and you can’t change others. Can’t convince vultures not to eat the rot. You can only make them redundant. To that effect, you need to get out and make your own system.’
‘I need to be the change I want to see…’
‘By not doing that, you’re essentially feeding these toxic people. Like parasites thriving on a host, they live off of your existence. Your patience. Even your honest action. See, and you’ll realize all of it actually helps them! You’re the convenience for them, not a hindrance. You’re surely an inspiration for them – to continue what they do, not to change. We see this in relationships, workplaces, organizations. In such a case, a good person’s exit isn’t merely permissible, it’s advisable. It’s a necessity. Get out before you burn out. You need to stay yourself so that you can go create beauty. Be real. Not all exits are escapism. Some are self-care.’

#mindfulness #life #awareness #selfcare

No Drama

A drama is what repeats.
Even when the outcome is known.
A mindful person starts no drama.
Nor partakes in one.

– A relationship with a toxic person is real. Getting back together for the fourth time is a drama.
– Listening to your friend crying about their toxic partner is real. Hearing about it again after they didn’t apply the advice you gave them last time is drama. Being a shoulder to cry on is a drama – if the shoulder is now hurting.
– Making money is real. Listening to “No pain, no gain” from your boss and agreeing to work overtime without pay is drama.
– A diet-plan with little sugars is real. A diet-plan with no sugars is drama. You know you’re going to slip and make yourself miserable.
– Goals are real. When they’re chosen. Not when they’re preached. That’s drama.
– Mental peace, physical agility, financial provision are real. Status, prestige, fame are drama. That’s when you repeat roles you don’t even like to play to win approval of people you can’t even stand.
– Saying no is real. Saying yes after you said no is drama.
– A war is real. A war that continues for years and decades is a drama. Watching it on the news and getting worked up over it, all over again, is you participating in that drama.
– Choosing your government is real. Listening to two politicians trash-talking about each other is drama.
– Sharing a post is real. Engaging in an argument with a guy with no goals and lots of free time in the comment section is drama.

A mindful person avoids stories.
A mindful person avoids scripts.
A mindful person stays real.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

#life #mindfulness #real

To Know It, Be it.

If you want to be a professional,
be that profession. Feel the need it fulfills.
If you want to know a person,
step in their shoes. Feel what hope they have.
If you want to learn a skill,
be its tool. Feel what the string feels on a bow.
If you want to learn a language,
be its word. Feel how it fits in a statement.
If you want to master an instrument,
be the missing part of it. Feel how it needed you.
If you want to understand your partner,
try being your partner. Feel what you miss in you.

If you want to know yourself,
be yourself. Have an experiment.
Feel your first impulse.
Think of what will happen if you act upon it.
The result you’d get is the true you.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

#know #feeling #life #mindfulliving

Success: Keep It Simple

Don’t control what you might get.
Control what you give.
Don’t question if it’s enough.
You’ll never know what’s enough.
Don’t cripple yourself with anxiety.
You’re human. Don’t turn into a robot.
Not knowing is part of the game.
And yes, keep it as a game.
Play. Score. Don’t bother with sentiment.
Don’t fall prey to this “success” fallacy.
We need to redefine success.
It can’t be about having it all.
It’s about having the best possible in given situation.
Success should help you, not exhaust you.
It’s more useful to be happy and at peace
than having things and fame and prestige.
Just do what you can. Do it right.
Accept the fact that not all will be in your control.
Just control what you can do.
The result, whatever it is, is yours.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

Black Hole and the Star

– “I liked him. Because we were opposites.
I’m an over-thinker.
He never cares about anything.
I was thrilled to see that.
I wanted to be that.
I loved him so much.
Why did he do this to me?
Why did he play with me?
Why did he never care about what we had?”

That’s just one example of “opposites attract” fallacy. Sure, opposites attract. But can they co-exist? Co-existence requires certain independence. Certain healthy distance. Like two stars in a binary system rotating around each other, maintaining just the right distance, not too far and not too close, complementing each other’s gravitation but never crashing into each other. That’s when they have some similarities, some differences; but not a whole lot of opposites. If they’re merely opposites, it’s not just attraction; it’s collision. Like a black hole and a star. Physics will always have its play. They’ll crash into each other and the black hole will annihilate the star.

In the above example, it’s obvious that the one who cares about nothing won’t care about love either. That carelessness leaves him to act like the big bad black hole. The one who needs a reciprocation for her love is the innocent star. She expected a taker to be a giver. She failed to realize that her giving was what made the black hole bigger, smugger, and more careless. The depressing annihilation was always inevitable.

There’s something to learn here for all those who fall for people simply because they’re trilled to see their opposites.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

Why Do You Judge?

Judging others is an effort.
It takes time and energy. And focus.
You put in all of that
when you have lots of it.
It’s when you have no goals.
It’s when you’re a privileged clown
who can afford not to have goals.
Someone else is feeding you.
You know you’re a lazy loser.
You can love it or hate it but you know
you can’t afford to reveal it.
You need to cover it up.
You need to act like you’re experienced.
Like you know stuff.
Judging is the easiest way to fake wisdom.
You feel nice and smug for one moment.
Then your feeder calls you for dinner.
A dinner you didn’t earn.

By the way, those you judge know your secret.
When you didn’t curb your crap in time,
they got the hint.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

Don’t Worry.

Worrying is natural. And useless.
Human brain is an app. Nature is its admin.
Last update was 30,000 years ago.
They call it Cognitive Revolution.
It’s designed for one-minute-long troubles.
Like a tiger in front of you.
Fight. Flight. Or surrender and die.
Whatever you choose, however things go down,
it used to be over inside a minute.

In 21st century, the trouble isn’t the tiger. It’s future. There’s always something coming. Or not coming the way you want it to. It’s never fully comprehensible, unless it’s here. No, not even then.

Anxiety will kick in – that’s the 30,000 year old coding kicking in. Can’t say no to that. But it doesn’t put you into a useful fight/flight response; because you don’t know what exactly you’re supposed to fight and where exactly you’re supposed to run to. You can think. You can pull your hair out thinking. You can try to explore. And maybe – just maybe – you’ll see a slight bit better than before. And of course it’ll never be enough. Reality is never what you thought it’d be. It’s human brain. It can’t even fully understand what’s in front of it; here we’re talking about what’s yet invisible. Unless you have access to a quantum computer that can grind a 1000 quadrillion simulations in a second to process a 1000 quadrillion possible outcomes, you’re doomed to not knowing.

And that’s the sheer reality of human life.
Don’t fret over it.
Don’t feel guilty or less for not knowing.
In the end,
you can just prepare for what you think it is
and see what it actually is when it shows up
and realize it’s totally different
and do what your system tells you to
and that’s it.
Your self-expectations come from
an overrated assumption of potency for thought.
Worrying is natural. So don’t worry.

Reality is Unreal

We don’t get reality. Not as it is.
So we make one out of it.
We don’t understand its meaning.
So we give it one.
We re-model everything we sense.
Out of infinite variables, we assume constants.
A limited brain, trying to survive infinite reality.
A survival mechanism.
The assumptions become our survival script.

Consciousness exists only when
there are things to be conscious of. Like sight.
It exists only when there are things to see.
Since consciousness fails to know reality as it is,
it creates stories to stay conscious.
The stories provide a necessary question,
a potent drive for survival: “What next?”
That’s reality told in the language of space-time.
Locations and moments. Up, down, right, left.
Ahead and behind. Before and after.

We think our thoughts help us understand things.
No, they just advocate for our script.
Our thoughts ask us unanswerable questions.
There’s a reason behind it.
The blank answers make us feel
we’re asking important questions.
That’s how we concretize our script.
It inspires us to fill in the blanks.
It gives us illusions deemed necessary for survival:
Causality. Reason and result. Purpose. Goal.
An occupation for consciousness.

That’s why and how we have cultures. Traditions.
Art. Music. History. Novels. Drama. Cinema.
Empires. Governments.
All the kings and their horses.
Money. Business. Trade. Wars. Glory. Honor.
Love. Relationships. Heart-breaks and rebounds.

Humans are actors who play roles in dramas they script themselves. We have no idea of it. We’re unconscious creatures creating stories to stay conscious and call it realities of life.

Fake it! And lose it for real!

‘I must not look poor.’
‘That’s why you desperately try to look rich?’
‘I feel so inferior when I see others’ vanity.
I just want to be rich.
And no amount of speeches will stop it.
So don’t even try.’
‘Don’t worry. I don’t waste time in speeches. I’m not your dad. You want to lust after money? Knock yourself out. But I’m curious. Do you really want to BE rich? Or do you just want to LOOK rich? You say vanity makes you feel inferior. OK; how do you take it? Is it insecurity or inspiration? Do you like money, or people’s validation that comes with it? Do you like the car or the spare tire? Which is it? I’ll let you decide. But one thing is certain. No-one got rich by spending. People get rich by investing. You need to have something in the first place that you can invest. You can fake being rich but the money you lose for it is real. People’s validation is a by-product of growth. Like a complementary chocolate with a cake. If you’re looking at it as primary goal, you’re bullshitting yourself. Focus on building; not faking.’

Lazy “Victim”

‘I just can’t stop crying.’
‘Over what happened an eon ago?’
‘It hurts so much.’
‘Of course. The pain was always valid.
Nobody has a right to judge that.
Question is, how come it’s all you feel?’
‘No other feeling is left.’
‘Is it a law that we must pick feelings
from what’s left? Or we can just go forward
and create new feelings?’
‘How can I create new feelings?’
‘By doing new things.
Or by taking care of responsibilities
pending since a long freaking time.’
‘My pain won’t let me.’
‘Sure, sure. Or maybe,
your pain LETS you AVOID it.
Here’s a fun-fact.
If an earthquake hits this place right now,
you’ll run like crazy, same as everyone else.
All pain forgotten; because shit just got real.
But an earthquake hasn’t hit you.
You can actually afford living in the past.
Not for long, of course; but it’s same as school.
We start studying only when it’s too late.
It’s just that, back in childhood we were lazy;
whereas today we can label ourselves
“victims” of life and get away with being lazy.
But I repeat: not for long.
Now you can keep kidding yourself.
You can yell at me for not “empathizing”,
for not helping you play this game with yourself;
or you can get real.’

#past #pain #awareness #selfcare

Power

Since ages, power-holders know a fact. Power isn’t made. It’s taken. It exists in people. You. Unutilized and denied. To steal it from you, they make you suffer. Not too much; just the right measure. Like Egyptian pharaohs making sure their slaves would starve and be weak enough to make a rebellion impossible; but they wouldn’t die of it.

Or like your boss subtly making it inescapable that you’ll put in two hours extra each day. It doesn’t kill you – not immediately, at least. But it makes you feel helpless. It drains you. It happens every day. It threatens to make you go mad.

There’s a defense mechanism in your unconscious. To stop you from going mad. It forces you to seek rationalization for irrationality. You don’t know it’s there; but they know. They know you’re desperate for that rationality, because you’re terrified of being the necessary monster who’ll fight the irrationality.

Right on cue they feed you an ideology.

“This is how you secure abundance in afterlife.”
“No pain, no gain. Work hard; party harder.”
A philosophy to make you see suffering as offering; followed by an incentive of fine things in future. For the Jew slave in ancient Egypt, it was afterlife. For you, it’s the coming weekend.

That’s the power you have – which they take. The power of suppressing your fight-back instincts. They don’t do it to you; you do it to yourself. They don’t earn that power. You give it to them.

Because they know you’ll do anything and everything to be “nice”.

#Power #Society #Awareness

Continue

How do you get success? By applying whatever useful qualities there are that get you success.
How do you lose that success? By being the idiot who thinks those useful qualities aren’t required anymore.

Sweetheart, it’s not rocket science. It’s simple. Life is a reflection. What you have depends on who you are. It’s always a real-time application. The reflection stays only when the reflected is there. Maintaining success is no different than achieving it.

What – you thought the level-up beats that need? Dear, upper floors of a building stay up there only so long as the lower floors exist. You demolish the base, the upper level ain’t gonna float as it is in the air. It comes down too. And not nicely. It’s basic physics. Gravity works on everything.

You don’t own success. It’s on rent.
It’s yours only when the payment is steady:
Will. Dedication. Commitment.
Discipline. Consistency. Hard-work.
Politeness. Humility. Authenticity.
Be real. Keep it real.

#Success #Life

Realisation

We don’t know what we don’t know.
It’s natural. Can’t fault ourselves for it.
So when we realise we didn’t know something
and we get funny thoughts like –
“I should’ve known…” – wait a second.
Let’s not criminalise our human limits.
Information has its own ways to show up.
Let’s just accept it. Welcome the realisation.
Work on what we know now. Move on.
No need to make the process of growth
more difficult than it needs to be.

Poison

No you aren’t going to turn that poison to honey. And it’s not your duty to do so either. It’ll go deep inside you, since you’re willing. But it’ll never be a part of you. It’ll just turn you into a part of it. That’s what poisons do. That’s what poisonous people do.

Sure it fills your belly.
Sure it has an appeal to a hungry soul.
But really, ask yourself:
What is actually in it that you crave so much?
Maybe there was that fizz in that first swig;
was there ever any sense of fulfillment?
Do you realise you’re chasing illusions?
You have a duty to yourself to wake up.

Stop hurting yourself.

#Life #Living #SelfHelp #SelfLove #SelfCare

The Garden

You aren’t placed here to think of death.
You’re placed here to live your life.
“What’s after death?” – the thought is big
but your brain is small.
It was never designed for it.
You’re a child in this garden.
Mother Nature is the gardener.
Your birth and death are her business;
you just focus on the game.

#Life #Death #Living

Collectibles

‘Win me,’ said she, ten years ago,
with a smug smile and a glint in her eyes.
Every girl wants to be his;
but he wants to me mine – thought she.
He accepted the challenge.
Same as accepting any other challenge –

his abs, a bank balance, a Harley Davidson.
He won her. Put her in his showcase.
And then he shifted his attention to
the other trophies willing to be won…

…Today, when she’s in depression,
she remembers that one friend she had.
That one girl never gave a damn about this boy.
It was a big surprise for her.
When she asked that girl the reason, her words –
‘None of you know crap about him.
He doesn’t know crap about any of you.
And yet, all this attention?
Of course, it’s just attraction.
You girls are looking for validation;
He’s looking for a collection.
It’s just sensation, with a funny label of relation.
And sensation has an expiry date.
Trophies are coveted only until
they’re in one’s showcase.
Interest isn’t necessarily same as love.
Don’t ask. Check yourself. You can see,
if only you stop getting dazzled so easily.’

She stopped talking to that girl after that.
‘She’s just jealous,’ she used to think.
She’s realizing the truth of those words now.
When it’s too late.
He never wanted to be hers.
He just wanted her to be his.
A collector never wants to love the trophy.
A collector just wants to have the trophy.

So much pain. And a feeling of self-defeat.
It didn’t have to be so.
Oh, it didn’t have to be so.

#Relationship #Awareness #Depression

Black Hole

You know it very well.
You’re dealing with a weirdo.
You’ve been burned with that irrationality.
Way too many times.
You’ve thought of parting ways.
Way too many times.
But you haven’t made that choice yet.
That ‘Nice Person’ you are gets in your way.
You aren’t sure –

if you’ve shown enough patience;
if you’ve made enough sacrifices;
if you’ve shown adequate tolerance;
if you’ve made enough adjustments;
if you need to compromise a bit more.
You don’t know where that boundary lies.
You don’t know if you’re there yet.
It gives you a moral trouble.
A conscientious conundrum.
You don’t know if you’re a coward
for feeling what you feel. Either way.
“Am I a coward for giving up so soon?
Or am I a coward for not standing up for myself?”
Real trouble.
But it’s born out of an unreal belief. You know?
“It’s my duty to improve this person.”
That’s the belief. Now you can spend 5 minutes;
say, “No, that ain’t the case…” but in the end,
you’ll agree, yes, the statement is right.
Here’s a question for you:
On what basis you ever thought so?
Duty? Can you even do it?
Can a human improve another human
who doesn’t want to be improved?
Are you Charles Xavier from X-Men?
Got superpowers to alter someone’s mind?
No. You thought your nice nature will work?
Is it working?
Sweetheart, a star doesn’t improve a black-hole.
A star only expands that black-hole.
By getting eaten alive by that black-hole.
Same goes with an asshole.
Get real. Stop nourishing the weirdo.
Yes you’re entitled to prioritize your well-being.
Make the necessary choice. Now.
Yes the weirdo will judge you;
but so freaking what? Who needs to care?
Don’t waste your energy. Life is too short.

#SelfLove #SelfCare #Abuse #Relationship

Treating Self

‘But how can I treat myself kindly, when past pains won’t let me?’
‘Perhaps there’s something to learn in that setup. Supposed to wait, are we? Did you wait for someone else’s approval in the past? Were you going to love yourself only after getting it from someone else? Or is it that you were supposed to accomplish something first and you didn’t? Or you made a mistake in the past and that’s supposed to cancel your right to be OK with yourself?’
‘It’s a little bit of all of that. My parents never loved me unconditionally. So I craved for love from my partner; did some stupid things to get it. And never got it. The depression made sure I couldn’t finish my degree; another failure in my parents’ eyes. Then I got into substance abuse. I got out of it but now I’m just a shell imploding onto itself with self-pity.’
‘You know what’s common in all of that? There’s a condition. A criteria to be fulfilled. Before you love yourself. Who told you that? Why did you listen? Maybe it was a childhood survival script. False but the only one you got. But why use it now? How could you make a rational choice in the past without being OK with yourself? And how can you build a better future unless you’re OK with yourself first? Dear, let’s get real. You’ve been a victim of how you’ve been treated. Don’t be a victim of your own treatment too. Yes, you deserve to be happy. You don’t arrive at OK-ness. You begin with it. Life is a drawing. We paint it not because we need to; but because we want to.’

#Healing

No Chill

How many times you’ve figured out best replies to a verbal attack four minutes or four hours or four days after the attack? How many times you’ve realized what you could’ve done differently to defend yourself tool late after you’ve been bullied?

And how many times you’ve marveled over your attacker’s confidence?

You aren’t weak. Not really. You know that. And it’s not always fear that paralyzes you. Sometimes, it’s sheer disbelief. You question reality when any kind of attack is happening to you. You question how can someone be this much stupid / arrogant / irrational / uncivilized, right? Subconsciously you make a quick shift from self-defense to self-explanation. You think you need to help them realize facts. Self-defense is about changing your reality. You waste time trying to change their reality.

Do you realize it’s your denial to their reality that beats you? If you’re a reasonable soul, you need to accept it completely that the world owes you no rationality. It should, ideally; but it’s not going to. Logic, reason and sense aren’t just values; they’re neurochemical abilities. And many lack those. That’s exactly why they attack so swiftly; they lack filters. You need to accept some people aren’t OK. It’s how they’re wired.

And it’s OK. Because nobody can rob you of your choice of attitude in a situation. You don’t have to rush to be not-OK with yourself when you see a not-OK mind. You need to remember that you have something they don’t. But you can’t suddenly find this strength during an attack. You need to practice it every-day. During those thousands of times available to you before a one-time attack. You need to sweat more in peace to bleed less in war. Meditate. Write about what you got. Make it a routine. Apply your smartness at home, at work, in traffic, at all tasks. Live it out as an identity. Exercise. Do yoga and pranayam. It fine-tunes your system; helps you unlearn anxiety. Get goals. Be disciplined and consistent at them. Improve your self-assurance as well as self-respect. It’s what lets you be stable as well as able to handle an attack. Because then, the attack won’t be a surprise. It’d be an opportunity to showcase who you are. With the no-chill emotional indifference of a mind that knows its abilities. You need to work toward that mentality.

#PersonalGrowth #SelfDefense

Their Inner Demons

People need help. Sure.
They may have inner demons.
Past traumas and unresolved issues.
At times, their demons take over.

And there’s you.
You want people around. Sure.
But are you paying unreasonable costs for it?
Are they fighting their demons through you?
Wait – Are they even fighting in the first place?
Or do they just make a deal with those demons?
They look at you; and they call the demon:
“See this clown here? Thinks he/she’s being nice.
That’s a sucker for my company. Useful.
I’ll give it you to torture; in turn you let me be.”
Do you think you need to let them do that to you?
Out of your compulsive ‘people-pleasing’ drive?

It’s a simple hierarchy of values.
You’ve placed them higher than your self-respect.
Probably because you don’t have any self-respect.
Because some idiot probably said some crap;
in your childhood; maybe repeatedly;
and you adapted to it by believing –
“I’m not worthy unless someone else accepts me.”
Maybe it became your survival script.
So damn faulty;
but the only one you had at the time.

Listen, dear;
Stop listening to that voice. Stop using obsolete survival scripts. Yes, you’re worthy of your love. No criteria required. Self-love is unconditional. It needs to be. People won’t respect you unless you respect yourself. You’re not helping them this way; you’re only turning their demons into businesspeople. You deserve better. From yourself. To get the right people in life, you need to be real with yourself. Set boundaries. It’s OK. It’s necessary.

#Boundaries #SelfLove

Casual

I know I made a mistake.
It was casual between us; it was fun.
Mostly because I wasn’t answerable to you.
Nor were you to me; but
I didn’t realize the full impact of it.
I thought I control my brain.
Didn’t know that Mother Nature controls it;
and it controls me.
Never knew when I began assuming I have you.
When liking you made me insecure of losing you.
When my homo-sapiens brain (last update: 45000 BC) bred the inspiration of possessiveness – probably necessary from evolution point-of-view. A system in which a relationship is supposed to lead to breeding a dozen children who should know how to hunt mammoths.

Then I saw what I saw; it shattered my smugness.
I bled. Not my heart; my egoistic mind bled.
And I was too chicken to work on myself.
Someone else rescued me – tried to.
Someone kinder than both of us.

I’m still bleeding onto that person’s efforts.

Was the problem in the idea of “casual”?
Was the problem my ego?
Or was the problem me not knowing what I need
and not preparing myself fully for it?

#relationship #casualrelationship #dating

Relationship V/S Growth

Are we in a relationship or a drama? It’s a relationship when both of us are mature. And it’s a drama when even of us isn’t.

Because, the immature one gets more than what he or she deserves and that’s when one wants to grab onto things. With insecurity and greed. Scripts are written; roles are assigned; guilt-traps are set; blame-games are played; “try-hard”, “be-perfect”, “please-others” drives are deployed and exploited; and what we have in the dish is a tasty drama full of spices that destroy health.

Living together doesn’t inspire growth.
Growth inspires living together.
Relationship isn’t a cure for immaturity.
Relationship isn’t the birthplace for growth.
Relationship is a result of it.
Yes, we need to work on ourselves first.

Peace!

Lies. Lies require explanations.
Lies about certain substances.
“It’s not a hard drug…”
Lies about certain people.
“We’re just friends, honey…”
Lies about certain other people.
“No, he isn’t possessive; it’s just caring…”
Lies about certain ideas.
“No, it’s not chain marketing…”
Lies about certain situations.
“He canceled. Again. No, it’s not that he isn’t interested; he’s just super busy these days…”

Stay away from lies.
Stay away from the embarrassingly strenuous tries at fabricating explanations to cover those lies.
Stay away from needing to advocate for crap like a lawyer who desperately uses technicalities.
Stay real. Keep it simple.
Know that you owe simplicity to yourself.
That’s how you maintain peace.

Stop Serving The Idiot

No. It’s not your duty to improve a worthless person. Not even when it’s your partner. That’s because nobody can improve somebody else; it takes genuine will from that person to improve self. Your patience and tolerance and compromise isn’t serving the “inspiration” for growth you think it would. It’s only serving as a booster dose to that worthlessness. Growth happens when it’s necessary. If you’re willing to compromise, you are canceling that very need. You’re willing to compromise self-respect; so why would this a-hole respect you?

Oh, you thought your pain will inspire guilt, and thus, change? Dear, it’s high time you realize that this person loves their wickedness above everything else; may it be laziness or deceitfulness or whatever. They love it because it’s their comfort zone; they’ve survived so far with it and they don’t care about a better lifestyle. Hell, they won the lottery when they got a high-value person like you who’s willing to stay with a trash like that. They got all they ever wanted. Why would this clown ever change? So stop fooling yourself.

Perhaps nobody would call it “maturity”; but it’s actually in knowing your worth and getting the hell out of this toxic relationship. Well of course this a-hole will blame the failure of relationship on you, saying it’s your “lack of maturity” that failed the relation. But if you truly understand maturity, then you won’t be the idiot who takes that BS seriously. Move on. Really.

#maturity #lifelessons

Dislike V/S Hate

When you and I disliked what they did,
it was real. We felt what we felt.
When you and I talked about it,
it was real. We were being human.
If that sparks a camaraderie among us, fine.
Friendships may have weird birthplaces.
Now let’s bring some positive stuff on the table.
But if you’re still specifically focused on them;
not because they hurt you but because
you get a kick out of the judgment;
and you want me to play along and
help you mock them and degrade them
and be useless haters together, sorry.
Can’t help you, mate.
I dislike some people alright.
But I’ll never wrap myself with a hater identity.
I don’t want my positivity to suffocate within me.

Unique

Universe keeps disintegrating.
And yet, creation is possible.
It’s when things that can come together, do so.
That’s how gaseous clouds turn into
solar systems and galaxies.
Each one of them is unique.
Because things that make them are unique to them.
Same goes with human lives.
Do nothing, and you’ll decay.
Do somebody else’s thing, you’ll decay faster.
Do YOUR thing; bring your uniqueness together;
apply it all the time; and you sort your life.

Values

Quality of your life at MACRO level is decided by quality of your choices at MICRO level. The daily level. The momently level. The here-and-now.

The position of your desktop monitor is wrong. It makes you stoop. You don’t need a doctor to know it’s bad for health. You feel the dull pain in your back all the time. So? Do you change the monitor’s position? Or do you subconsciously say “I’ll do it later”?
What about that SIP you know you need to apply for? There’s money in your savings; but are you “purposefully unknowingly” keeping it there to sustain your habit of unnecessary expenses?
You see mom’s message in the notifications. Or your partner’s. Or your friend’s. Do you reply in time? Or do you subconsciously let it slide into the set of “Oh, I forgot”; hoping the relation will magically survive without nutrition?
What about that second sandwich which you know is unnecessary? And the gym session at 6pm versus that cheap beer with your pals at 6:30? And the friend you need to say no to when he wants to borrow money? And the car’s safety measures that have stopped working?

How many “innocent” slides make you a “culprit” of life? The answer is: Two of the same kind. As soon as you repeat a wrong choice, it’s not a mistake; it’s a crime.

It all boils down to one thing.
Do you respect yourself?
Because those stupid distractions won’t work when you respect yourself more than them.

#mindfulliving #mindfulness #lifelessons

Fighters In Love

Do you fight for each other?
Are you not just lovers but also warriors?
Comrade-in-arms helping each other’s goals?
Are you fighters who know, anticipate and beat irrationalities of life together?
Do you take stands for each other?
Do you stand together in all battles?

For that’s what a relationship means.
It means little when it’s convenient.
It’s not just movies, dinners, sex and travels.
It’s when you know what fights of life feel like;
what fighting alone feels like;
because you’ve been there and done that;
and you’re actually quite good at it;
and you respect those who’re fighting alone;
and that’s why you want to be with someone
and help them in their fight.
And yes, also respect it when they do the same for you.

“I have nothing better to do;
Because I want nothing better than being here with you.
If it’s a fight you’re fighting, then let’s get to it.
I’ll let times tell if I wanted to die for you;
But I know I want to live with you.”

A soulful lover

Why Do They Judge Me?

‘Why do they judge me? Am I wrong?’
‘According to them, yes.
According to reality, you’ll have to check.’
‘I haven’t hurt anyone.’
‘That has never stopped people from judging.’
‘Why not?’
‘Human race loves drama. People live by scripts they find comfortable. And they want everyone else to be supporting actors and play roles convenient to them. When you’re not playing roles as per their scripts, they shift to the one role they find best: The Judge.’
‘But why?’
‘Escapism.
When someone is judging you, they get to postpone judging themselves. Don’t make the mistake of taking it seriously. That’d be a role, mind you. If you’ve chosen to play no roles in their drama, then stay firm about it. Let there be absolutely no feed to that drama from you.’

Reactions Are Choices

A situation doesn’t build you.
Your reaction to it builds you.
Difference between losers and winners is,
losers let the situation decide their present and
winners decide the future of the situation.
Your strength lies in remembering that
reaction is a choice.
Are you choosing?
Or are your replies habitual?
Is it helping you?
The situation may not be helpful but
you can always help yourself.
Remember that. Be your helper.
Reply in ways that help you build yourself.
Step out of your scripts.
That’s where growth happens.

Repeat Gain, Not Pains

Vibrations create reality.
And vibrations are repetitions.
You become what you repeat.
So choose consciously.
Be conscious about what you need to repeat.
Before you act, observe. Know.
If you’ve been repeating for a while now
and you see no results whatsoever,
it’s OK to stop, unlearn, relearn.
In fact, you may need it the most.

Repeating the right move gives you muscles.
Repeating the right move with false form gives you joint-pain.
Repeat gains, not pains.

The Break-Up-Patch-Up Loop

‘Why’re you saying mine isn’t a relationship? Sure; we break up a lot; but we get back together.’
‘Only to break up again. Without processing why you broke up. Without growth.’
‘But it’s my partner who -’
‘Please give yourself a break, sweetheart. I’m sure your partner will say the exact same thing you were about to say. You blame each other. You both claim to be victims. Each one is more mature than the other because, ooh, you both forgive. Give it a rest, seriously. Truth is, both of you need each other. And no, it’s not necessarily due to love.’
‘Then why do we need each other?’
‘Camouflage! You’re both lazy adult-children. You refuse to grow up. And you’ve ingeniously devised schemes to hide that. You both need someone who’ll tolerate your crap but also create crap for you so that you can play victim. We’re not allowed to tell the “victim” to grow up, are we? Convenient for someone who knows he or she will keep crapping. Of course, you need an equally immature – and thus, needy – creature. You two need a drama-rich environment where both can play a variety of roles to hide your realities: persecutor, rescuer, unsung hero, unrewarded helper, moral cop, to list a few. The pay-off? You both get to develop complaints behind which you can hide! This entire relationship is a game. You want a better relationship? Be better first.’

Attitude V/S Servitude

Survival needs action.
Independence needs mindful action.
You survive freely, when –

your skill is wanted;
your will can’t be owned.
To build a wanted skill needs daily practice.
To build unbeatable will needs momently choice.
The practice of being a professional.
The choice of saying no to distractions.
Independence is when you value your robust identity more than anything else in the world.
It’s everything you’ve ever found useful in yourself.
And your parents.
And the characters you’ve observed.
The stories of strong people that have thrilled you.
Know what you need to be. Know why it’s worth.
Love it. Respect it. Know it as the basis of life.
That’s what inspires discipline.

Emotion V/S Truth

Emotion isn’t the situation talking to me.
Emotion is my system telling me
what it makes of the situation.

Emotion is inspiration for action.
Difference between the ordinary and the mindful is,

the ordinary reacts as per the emotion’s say without caring for the consequences;
the mindful explores the situation first and then forms a response to it to take it to desirable outcomes.

Apply Yourself

Apply yourself; and you won’t be used.
Look for yourself; and visuals won’t fool you.
Listen; and speeches won’t affect you.
Explore; and texts won’t brainwash you.

Let nobody tell you your goal.
Let nobody tell you what to do with your time.
And body. And money. And energy.

Yes, being independent is difficult.
But the least you can do is –

never act on what you’re told
when you haven’t thought it yet.

Know those who wish to enslave you.
They don’t have power of their own.
They need your compliance. Refuse that.
You need you.

Maturity V/S Common Sense

‘I didn’t expect this harshness from you.
I thought you were mature.’
‘Is that supposed to make me feel guilty?
Maturity is how you define it and
you’ll define it as per your intellectual comfort.
I used to fit to your definition of it;
and now I don’t. I don’t see a problem yet.’
‘It’s this bluntness of yours that worries me.
I’ve seen you being tolerant with much stuff;
but why is Jenny an exception for you?’
‘Oh, so we’re defining maturity as
infinite tolerance here?’
‘Patience is a virtue.’
‘Common sense is another.
Sweetheart, baking and serving cakes is good but jackals are more interested in biting the hand that serves the cake. I’ve observed Jenny and I know what tolerance will inspire in her. Not change. But a smug confidence in her nuisance value. Virtues should be valued by the result they create; not by the sentiment they caress. Maturity isn’t just in tolerance. It’s also in knowing where it shouldn’t be.’

Education V/S Awareness

‘You should take it seriously.’
‘Why?’
‘Many well-educated people say so.’
‘Do you remember your school days?’
‘Yes.’
‘How did you pass exams?’
‘By memorizing stuff and recalling it.’
‘How much part of it was about using freshly available information correctly to solve real-time problems?’
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’
‘I know! I don’t blame you. Those who designed the education system wanted you to have no idea what I’m talking about. They wanted humans who can memorize stuff without the ability to use it for themselves. A sophistication of slavery. Crippled minds leave no need for shackled feet. Here’s a little tip, my friend. Never assume academic education equals awareness. I’m not saying all degree-holders are asleep; but know that the degree is no guarantee that they’re awake. So if I’m supposed to accept or reject an idea, I’ll use my own wits. I won’t conform to crowds whose intelligence is advertised to be doubtless. No intelligence ever is.’

Being Simple

‘What means to be simple?
Especially when life gets difficult?’
‘Being simple means being humble.
To appreciate that you’re merely human.
Nothing less, nothing more.
So you’ll do nothing less than your ability;
but you can’t possibly do more than that
and it’s OK. You don’t have to stress yourself out.
You don’t always need intensity.
Most times, consistency is enough.
In fact, that’s what difficult life needs most.
Difficult terrains aren’t traversed by running.
They need a slow but steady walk.
Be, remain and act human.’

Relationship Animal

What kind of animal are you in a relationship?
It’s your unconscious.
And it’ll reflect in your expectations.
If you’re a parasite,
you’ll want a host to be available for you.
At conscious level, you’ll call it “caring”.
If you’re a host,
you’ll want a parasite to chase you.
At conscious level, you’ll call it “romantic”.

What you want isn’t necessarily what the relationship wants. In fact, it might not even be something you should want for yourself. A healthy relationship is possible only when you’re conscious. When you pay attention to that animal in you and be its master. When you know your scripts and choose to step out of them. Don’t know what kind of animal is master of all animals; but conscious is, at least, what humans are supposed to be.

The Scale

How many intelligent women were burnt as “witches”? How many scholars were hanged as “heretics”? Wait – that’s just history. What about you?

How many times you were called “over-smart” by your teachers for the intelligent questions you asked? How many times you were labelled “arrogant” in your workplace and family for refusing to do things in a stupid way just because “everybody else was doing it” that way?

And how many times you’ve been a part of the same crowd pelting stones on a person whose reality you never checked?

No – we can’t stop others from speaking. But the least we can do is to take a pause and check the scales we’re using to measure others and ourselves.

The right will always be wrong when the scale is wrong.

Conditions

There’s the condition we’re in.
‘I’m in xyz.’
Then there’s the condition we apply.
‘I’ll be OK only when xyz turns abc.’
The first condition is just a situation.
It’s often the second condition that turns it into a problem.
Sure, the situation is seldom readily acceptable.
Sure, denial may be a natural reaction.
But a solution is possible only after acceptance of situation.
Can’t have abc without accepting xyz.
Does the condition we apply act as inspiration to turn xyz into abs?
Or is it the very obstacle that kills the required energy?

Focus. Commitment. Will.

When you’re more important to you
than your distractions,
you achieve your goals.

When you’re more important to you
than your fears,
you beat your limits and your bullies.

When you’re more important to you
than your peers,
you beat peer-pressure and be unique.

When you’re more important to you
than the role people expect from you,
you leave your signature.

Yes. You’re important.
It’s not arrogance.
It’s self-respect.
It’s your duty to yourself.
For survival in this jungle.

Remembrance

‘How do you manage to do that?’
‘Do what?’
‘Dealing with your parents?
Don’t they seem a bit… too much?
Over-caring? Always too involved?’
‘Sure they do.
Same as most parents, at this age.
Sure there are times when I get frustrated.
Same as they must’ve been with me,
twenty years ago.
I acknowledge all that. Without denial.
And with remembrance of what they stand for,
in my life.’
‘And what’s that?’
‘They’re two of the most awesome people
I’ve met in my life.
Anybody can be awesome,
in the right conditions.
But I’ve seen them being terrifically humane,
thoughtful, mindful, understanding,
assertive, strong, unyielding,
when things were too dark and they were alone.
They gave me life. Taught me how to live it.
I love them. I respect them. I remember them.
That’s what helps me respond to them,
not react.
I don’t want perfect parents.
I want them to be humans. I let them.’

My Fake Anger

Anger isn’t always legit.
It’s not always when I face injustice.
It’s also when I’d like to think it’s injustice.

I’m scared. Or I’m sad. Or I did a stupid thing.
Makes we feel weak.
Makes me hate that I feel weak.
Makes me produce anger to mask that weakness.
So I fabricate an explanation.
To conclude it’s injustice.

If I’m scared, someone or something is a bully.
I hate it. Hating it gives me power.
To face it… or legitimize
running away from it with my head still held high.
If I’m sad, what happened was irrational.
I didn’t deserve it. I was entitled to its opposite.
Hating it helps me stare at it with
red eyes rather than wet eyes.
If I’ve done something stupid and
I’ve hurt myself or someone else and I regret it,
I’ll hate the power that made me do it
rather than myself.

Because I’m weak.
And all my life, I’ve been craving for strength.
Not realizing that strength is in acceptance.

First Move

Sometimes you win because you made the first move. Or because you responded correctly to someone else’s move. Or because someone else made a stupid move and you wisely did nothing.

But one thing is sure.
To win or lose, a move must be made.

Fail.

We’ll fail.
It’s the first step.
And the next one.
And the next.
Making us question everything.
Are we not made for it?
But we’ll try again.
We’ll fail repeatedly; until we don’t.
We’ll have one moment of success.
We’ll celebrate it.
We’ll try again.
And probably we’ll fail again.
Making us question everything.
Was it a fluke? Pure luck?
Are we not made or it?
But we’ll try again.
And we’ll fail again. Many times.
Until we don’t.
And so on and so forth.
Until we realize a fundamental truth.
It’s not up to us to judge ourselves like adults.
It’s up to us to be a little toddler and try.
Letting the learning settle in our system.
We don’t learn crap; we just allow it to happen.
Without any mental barriers.
After a lifetime of failures,
we get good at success.

To Speak, Listen.

To speak, know.
To know, listen.
To listen, shut up.
Let’s not talk to reply.
Let’s speak. To communicate.

Do we realize that a simple way we can be human is to let people voice out without irritating interruptions from us?

They Won’t.

‘Why don’t people understand me?’
‘Because they don’t try.’
‘Exactly; why don’t they try?’
‘Because they don’t need to.’
‘How can they not…’
‘They have their own troubles.
Nobody needs to add to it.’
‘But isn’t it our duty to each other?
As humans? As society?’
‘It would’ve been nice, right? Ideal.
But if humans were that awesome,
we wouldn’t have any problems
in the first place, don’t you think?
But we do. And that tells me
idealism is denial of reality.
That’s why it fails. You deny that too;
and that’s why it adds to your pains.
Look, if you’re in pain, it means
your work isn’t cut out for you.
You have to cut it out for yourself.
Choose how much to deal with.
Quit idealism. Get real.
You might meet empathizers on the way
and that’s a pleasant surprise.
But don’t cripple yourself demanding it.’

Test of Love?

‘…but what’s wrong if my partner suffers a bit?
For me? It’s part and parcel of a relationship.’
‘Sure, but check the cause of that suffering.
Is it something about the circumstances?
: Can’t blame you. Love means understanding.
Is it a personal pain which both of you share?
: Can’t blame you. Love means sharing.
Is it an illness you’re facing?
: Can’t blame you. Love means caring.
Or is it your nature? Lack of growth?
A redundant childhood script of reactions?
Something which is actually in your control
if only you choose to be a bit mindful?
Is your partner suffering FOR you?
Or is your partner suffering BECAUSE of you?
: Are you going to accept the truth?
Because if you aren’t,
and you expect that soul to suffer in silence,
and moreover if you declare it as the test of love
or some hillarious crap like that
to cover up that immaturity,
then here’s what you need to do:
get your head out of your entitled rear.’

Emotion: The Truth

There’s a word for it in Sanskrit.
“Pinda”, they call it.
Personal psychological and physical system,
you can say. Personal nature. It’s unique.
Each one of us has a distinct one.

Emotion is communication between
this personal nature and Mother Nature.
Boiling waters soften a potato;
but harden an egg.
Emotion tells us which one we are.

Stay honest in this dialogue.
Pay heed when Mother Nature speaks.
It’s quintessential truth we need to know.
Respond to it politely;
no matter how negative it is.
Let there be no Ego in there.
Let there be no denial to truth.
Acceptance leads to transcendence.
A human’s well-being lies in that humility.

Turning Idiots Into Trophies

They say, everything that glitters isn’t gold.
But gold doesn’t really glitter in the first place.
It shines only in the right kind of light.
When we look no deeper than the exterior,
we risk mistaking the wrapper for the wrapped.
When the golden wrapper blinds us.
And it’s not always ignorance that leads to it.
Many times, it’s the rush. The wishful thinking.
A mental need of assuming things are alright.
When we’re too desperate, impatient, greedy.
It’s not just the desire to have it in life.
It’s the rush to escape the feeling of not having it.
It forces us to be blind and dive headlong into it.

Such as a relationship.
It’s not always a natural drive to be with someone.
Many times,
it’s an artificial need bred by 21st century society
to not be single; to overrate being in relationships.
That’s what turns idiots with cute hairstyles
into coveted trophies. Disaster is imminent.

Seasons In Their Hearts

‘You don’t get too thrilled with compliments.
Nor do your spirits dampen with criticism.
How do you manage that?’
‘In rainy seasons, people think
the rains are strong and the sun is weak.
In summer, people say differently.
None of it is the truth, of course.
All are mere perceptions.
Rains are rains. Sun is the sun.
But people love their own lenses.
At times I’m the rains; at times I’m the sun.
At times I’ll be appreciated; at times I’m judged.
Depends on the seasons in the viewers’ hearts.
Depends on the nature in those human hearts.
And humility is the only smart response to nature.’

The Path, The Friend

“My goal is set. Any last words, Guru?”
“Will you befriend the path?”
“I want to; but how do I do that?”
“The path won’t always be flat.
At times it’ll be a steep ascent.
But that’s not the problem.
Problem is, you’ll want to maintain your speed.
Which is what I call natural arrogance.
It’ll be natural; but a denial of your human limits.
That’s when you’ll be enemy of the path;
and it’ll punish you by crushing your spirits.
Avoid it. You don’t always have to run. WALK.”
“Understood.”
“At times the path will be too smooth.
But that’s not the problem.
Problem is, you’ll demand it to continue forever.
Which is what I call natural ignorance.
It’ll be natural; but a denial that you own no path.
That’s when you’ll be enemy of the path;
and it’ll punish you by showing you your place.
Avoid it. You don’t always have to run. WALK.”
“Noted.”
“But yes, at times the path will be flat.
At such times, just have fun out there.
Enjoy it. You don’t have to crawl. WALK.
Be humble to your limits; but
be honest with your strengths. You’ll get there.”

Forms of Distraction

“You should pay attention.”
“Why?”
“It’s your responsibility as a citizen.”
“Oh? Some political drama has been launched; thousands of people have taken sides; and now, as children roleplaying what they saw in a movie, they’ve taken sides and they’re abusing each other. Let me guess. According to either side, I’m a responsible citizen only if I take their side, right? Not the other?”
“Whatever, but you have to participate.”
“No, what I have to is to stay out of all stupid dramas and focus on my goals. A distraction isn’t always a pizza, a party, or OTT. A distraction is also in the form of this new model where a bunch of aimless clowns act like they care about stuff and they know how to. They’re merely filling up holes left empty by the lack of focused action in their personal spaces. I feel no such need; I have goals.”

Gorilla Screeching…

“Why can’t my partner understand?
That I need a little understanding? Empathy?
Is it too much to ask?”
“No; but I’ve heard how you ask it.
Doesn’t sound like an appeal for empathy.
Sounds like a gorilla screeching at a monkey.
The monkey gets into fight-or-flight mode;
rather than sitting down and empathizing.”
“But how can I be so polite during such times?
An emotional person will always be -”
“Arrogant? Irrational? Beastly?
Tossing tantrums?
A person seeking empathy will ask for it.
Why must we wrap that call in abusive tones?
Is it a law? Not at all. It’s us.
A choice we make at some point in life.
To display emotion in a dramatic way.
Out of our insecurity that it won’t be attended to
unless people notice our nuisance value.
That’s how we mess it up.
People reply to what they hear.
Unless they’re total angels,
people would never hear your call for empathy.
They’ll always sense the attack first.
And self-defense takes priority over empathy.”
“But is it just my fault?
Maybe my partner really lacks that element…”
“Maybe;
but is it an observation or an assumption?
If empathy is your top priority in relationship
and if your partner really lacks that element
and if all your calls have fallen on deaf ears,
then you can communicate, get therapy,
or accept it as that soul’s personal limit,
or move out.
But negative actions will never work.
You’ll only end up hurting yourself
and pushing your partner further away.
Please note one thing.
Expression isn’t just a vent for emotion.
Expression is a channel for emotion.
Don’t just react in a scripted way. Respond.”

Circle Or Cage?

“I know these are vultures… but I must.
I have to laugh on their stupid, racist, sexist jokes.
I have to feed the gossip and look interested.
Otherwise why am I even there at the table?
I’ll be tossed out of the group.”
“Here’s a useful question for you:
Why are these clowns your pals in the first place?
Yeah, I know. Ooh, we’re social animals.
Yeah, we need people – or so we’re programmed.
Here’s a correction: we need GOOD people.
Mindful people. Constructive people.
Who talk about ideas; not just other people.
Who empathize without fake sympathy.
Who know boundaries and how to respect them.
Who discuss religions and science without fighting.
Who share investment plans; talk about growth.
I once read a great quote on social media:
It said, if your circle doesn’t inspire you,
it’s a cage and not a circle.

“You’ll benefit from realizing that they’ve already tossed the real you out of that cage. You can’t be yourself when you’re with these reptiles, now can you? They just want a puppet who talks what they want it to talk. For their fun. Leaving that cage isn’t a loss; it’s liberation. Get out. Build yourself. Grow compatible for the right circle. Or at least, for the right you. When you find another circle, maintain your originality. Establish your boundaries. Some crap needs discouragement with silence as a reply. And some advances need to be destroyed with a firm unapologetic no. It’s self-respect that inspires people’s respect for us.”

Constant V/S Consistent

“Guru, who am I?”
“You’re how you reply to present moment.”
“My replies differ each moment.”
“Nature differs moment to moment.
You’re merely nature.”
“It pains me that I can’t be a constant.”
“The pain is due to denial to reality.
No mortal creature can remain a constant.”
“If I can’t be a constant, how can I ever grow?”
“Perhaps you’re mistaking constant and consistent to be the same. Growth itself means change; opposite of constancy. Each moment brings a different situation. You’ll feel and act differently in different situations. It’s a necessity for survival.”
“So how do I manage growth then?
And how do I make peace with my variations?”
“Growth is when you purposefully choose the same situation each day, such as a gym session. Where you can practice the same reply each day and enhance it. It may build strength of character. It may serve you in similar other situations, such as learning a new skill, where consistency matters. But never assume it’ll help you stay so smugly composed in alien situations. You can and you will break. That’s nature. Accept it as a natural truth so you won’t feel ashamed of it. It’s a choice, later, to put yourself back again.”

Privacy Mindfulness

Be polite when you respect their privacy.
Because their personal life is none of your business.
But be unyielding while protecting your privacy.
Let nobody guilt-trap you.
Let nobody gaslight you.
You might be labelled asocial or even arrogant.
So be it. Because your personal life is none of their business too.
And besides, you don’t have the luxury of assuming people will handle your personal information in a responsible and mature way.
Not in this world.
Let’s not supply fuel for gossip and possible trouble for ourselves due to our fear of judgment.

Kids. Love. Price-Tags?

“You should buy that for your kids.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s awesome!”
“Sure; but why give it to the kids?”
“Because our kids deserve it!”
“No, they don’t. At least not yet.”
“Huh? Don’t you love your kids?
Come on, you need to loosen the purse a bit…”
“Do I need to prove my love by price-tags? I don’t think so. And whether my kids deserve it is yet to be seen. They’ll deserve it when they earn it. Before that, they’ll have to build the ability for it. To have it. And to use it responsibly. Sure I love my kids. And that’s why, it’s my duty to help them become capable adults. Getting them awesome stuff easily isn’t how you do that. I don’t want to raise entitled idiots. Inspiring them to go get it is the way. I’m not here to get them things. I’m here to teach them life.”

I Love You. For Being You.

You’re mine; I’m yours.
But you aren’t me. I’ll never be you.
And that’s OK. That’s totally OK.
I won’t edit you as per me.
As per my narcissistic notion of perfection.
As per my insecure jealousies and inferiorities.
As per my selfish conveniences.
I won’t demand you add my ideas to you.
I won’t ask you to subtract you from you.
I’ll never need you not to be you.
You were my choice.
And your distinct existence is nature’s choice.
I won’t force my choice to override nature’s.
I’m no god. I’ll never want to be.
I’ll be just a human. And I’ll always love you.
For being you.

Humble Warrior

We all have a bit of ego in us.
Not talking about Freud’s Ego.
The egoistic ego.
It makes us forget that life isn’t our creation;
that it’s nature’s gift.
So we assume ownership of life.
We demand that any situation any time must be as per our specifications.
Of course, nature plays its hand silently;
tossing our childish play in the trash.
In our zest to beat it,
we end up realizing how small we are.
Instead of humility, we offer denial to it.
That’s the birth of anxiety.

“I’m humble in front of nature.
I’m humble to the fact that I’m only a human.
But I’m honest to the warrior in me.
I don’t try to rule the entire situation.
I note what’s in my human hand in that situation;
I focus my entire attention to it.
I don’t touch every single rock in the mountain.
I just focus on the footway in front of me.
When I’m humble, nature lets me be at the summit.”

– A soul who understands living

What I don’t Know

“What do you know?”
“That I don’t know it all.”
“Will that be a problem?”
“I’d be most surprised if it won’t.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’ll keep moving forward.”
“Even when you know surprises await?”
“Yes. Not knowing it all is a weakness.
I’d never know what I don’t know
before it hits me. But that’s life.
Examinations come first; school comes later.
I won’t stop. I won’t remain unevolved.
I’ll know what I don’t only when
I let it hit me and I’m humble to it.
I’m willing to face it.
That’s what I know of myself.”

#LifeLessons

If You’ve Bothered…

Manipulation works when you lack conviction.
Peer pressure works when you lack self-respect.
Gaslighting works when you lack will.

But if you’ve bothered to look within yourself;
If you stay honest to what you see;
If you accept whatever it is;
If you respect it as your uniqueness;
Then you know what really matters to you.
That’s when you reach out to what you need;
As an individual – distinct, different;
You stay true to your path;
And you let nobody shame you for your preferences.
That’s strength.

#LifeLessons

Choosing Battles

You’re fighting battles they know nothing of.
You’re suffering pains they have no idea of.
You’ve seen things they might have;
but you’ve been impacted the way they never did.
You’ve suffered injustice; nothing could save you.
It was raw reality; humiliating all rationality.
You were forced to suffer in silence.
Life has taught you your strengths and weaknesses.
Battles of life are infinite; you’re finite.
You have to get real too.
You have to choose your battles.
Raw mathematics against sentimental urges.
Some inglorious battles need immediate attention.
Some can wait; some need more strength.
And some can never be fought.
They judge you for not fighting the way they would.
But do they know you? Your past? Your needs?
They’ll never bother; judgment gives them a kick.
But never make the mistake of judging yourself
from their lenses.
They’re not in your position. They’re not you.
Never let them decide your priorities.
You’re not here to play roles as per their scripts.
You’re here to survive. And live, if possible.

#LifeLessons

“Why Do You Take Therapy?”

– “Why are you taking therapy?”
– “For my past. I want to understand it.”
– “I told you – just forget and move on.”
– “My dear,
   I can hide my past from others.
   But never from myself.
   It has a hurt that needs healing.
   It asks questions I need answered.
   For my present. For my future. Because,
   what happened wasn’t for the first time.
   It had happened before that.
   I made the mistake of ignoring it at the time.
   I thought time will heal it. Turns out,
   time heals only the wounds we attend to.
   If we don’t, time simply repeats those wounds.
   With much worse bleeding.
   It’s nature’s way of inspiring us to pay attention.
   To study. To know why things happen.
   To know what parts of us get exploited.
   To be better. If I want a better future,
   I must dare to study my past.”

#LifeLessons #Healing #Trauma

Ask V/S Know

When we ask, we get an answer.
It’s an opinion. A perception.
It’s not truth; it’s a reality in a mind.
Built to suit that mind’s belief systems.
It’s information.
Not about what we asked;
but about how that mind looks at it.

When we look, we get an observation.
Sure, it’s still an opinion, a perception.
Sure, it’s still not truth; it’s a reality in our mind.
Built to suit our ways.
It’s knowledge.
Not because it’s actuality; which it never will be;
but because it tells us what WE can DO about things.

#Know

Anxiety

A situation isn’t a reason for my anxiety.
It’s an excuse for it.
It’s a stage for the unreal roles I demand from me.
Roles far offset from my originality.
– “I SHOULD appear intelligent here…”
– “I SHOULD look rich in this crowd…”
– “I SHOULD appear macho…”

That demand causes my anxiety. Anxiety is my body’s way to defend me from the false role-play and its obviously hazardous consequences. That’s the hollow, weak feel I get in my limbs. Many times I racketeer my anxiety. Turn my life into an anxiety-producing machinery.
– “I knew I’d need money to pay my fees;
   but I lent my money to friends because…
   well… I can’t say no to people…
   I SHOULD remain a part of their group…
   And now I have to make money some way;
   because I must continue my studies…
   I MUST look right in my family’s eyes…”

To work on my anxiety, I need to know where I’m being unreal. I need to let go of my roles. And stay true to myself. Accept my limits. Accept where and how I shine the most.

If I’m a horse, I’ll run like a horse.
Not a cheetah.

#LifeLessons #Anxiety

The Child in Us

The child in us doesn’t care about consequences.
The child just wants a release.
And of course, it’s an outburst.
The question is, why do we suppress the child so much in the first place that she’d explode? Who does it? The parent in us?
Isn’t it more sensible to let the adult in us deal with things in time, right from the beginning, when we actually can? When it’s still mentally possible for us?

Post Break-Up Normalcy

“I heard you broke up. I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Thank you. But it’s OK.”
“Look at you, putting on a brave face…”
“No. Actually I dropped that mask.
That’s what the break-up was about.
And I’m feeling light.”
“There’s someone I know;
I can get the two of you together-”
“Uh, thanks; but no.”
“Sweetheart, you need to be with someone.”
“No! That’s what I unlearned recently.
I wish to be with someone, sure.
But I don’t want to need it.
That someone must not be just anyone.
I don’t want a repeat of the past;
and I’ll get a better future when
I get better than my past.
Past is pain; but it’s also education.
I need to learn.
I need to process what went wrong.
Where did I mess up?
Where did my partner mess up?
And why did I tolerate it for so long?
What did I fail to check?
It’s OK that I broke up.
It’s OK that I’ll be single for a few days.
I want to be.
I need a break; I need to know myself better.”

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#relationship #love

Significance

If we’re thinking about it,
if we’re feeling about it,
if we want to act on it,
it’s significant to us.
It’s important to us.
It’s already affecting us.
So yes, it’s strong enough.
It’ll have a reaction to our action.
A reaction potent enough to change us.

So, before we act,
do we seek the part of us that feels the effect?
And do we need that part?

Pain of the Unfulfilled

When we desire acutely, it becomes our identity.
We lose ourselves;
all we remember of us is what we desire.
Then nature plays a game.
What we desire is severed from us.
Cut off with the definite blade of merciless fate.
Gifting us a soul-shattering fire of agony.
Separation is pain. But we don’t let go. Why?
For if we can’t feel fulfillment,
then the pain of the unfulfilled is the last thread
we have that binds us to our identity.
Lost in the unconscious is an acute fear
for loss of that identity. We’re afraid to let go of it.
We prefer pain over that fear.
And then, our complete annihilation is how
we execute that identity.
Let’s know this future,
before we turn desires to identities.
It’s romantic to lose ourselves to desires;
but such romances lead to tragedies.
Do we wish to live as dramas that entertain others?
If we don’t get what we want, which we might not,
we need to be there with ourselves.
For who else we ever had?

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#LifeLessons

“My Bad…”

Here’s a bunch of quotes for you:

I want someone who won’t leave me no matter how difficult I make it to be with me.
If you can’t handle my worst, you don’t deserve my best.
Everybody has a dark side. I want someone who notices mine and still loves me.

These are doing the rounds on social media for a while now. You might have heard this from your dates too. Did you agree? Did you yield? Before you did, did you check the basics: Why? Why would someone expect this from you? Is it even real? Sounds real; but… is it? Really?

Here’s a positive possibility. They know their bad sides. They know they need to work on it. For the sake of relationship. For the sake of themselves. For the sake of being a goddamn adult human. But it’s difficult. So they’re asking for your help in their battle. Nice. Legit. Reasonable. Perfection can’t be expected; it’s worked on. Together. Fine. In that case, if it’s OK with you, if you can really handle the load, go ahead.

But here’s the other possibility. They know they have bad sides. They’ve never bothered to check in depth. They’re too lazy for that. Which means, of course, working on it is out of question. Still, of course, the adult-child wants to possess all the adult things. How does an adult-child get that? Simple: By pretending to be a moral cop! Preaching you all kinds of sacrifices and tolerances and nonsenses you have to agree to, if you’re to be a “good” partner. Expecting you to be an obedient caretaker; so that they can remain careless! No different than some ancient greedy emperor who fools his troops with speeches of glory so that they’ll go and fight and die to swell his empire. “I’m crap, and taking crap from me is love.” If this brainwash works, it’s lottery for a narcissist like that.

Question is, do you check? You’ll know how to check when you pull your head out of the rectum of internet philosophies and get real. Can self-respect ever be the sacrifice that gets great results in life? For your sake, stop fooling yourself.

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#relationship #awareness

The Creators

We don’t just have emotions.
We have entire emotional identities.
They’re fully operational independent personas that we carry within us.
They’re roles and we’re actors.
They want a stage. They want expression.
From their station in the unconscious,
they send forth thoughts to the conscious.
Like estate agents who prep the field for their employer’s arrival.
We think our thoughts create emotions.
Truth is, emotions create thoughts.
And us too.

First, We Integrate.

First we wake up. Then we get up.
First we stand up. Then we walk.
First we bathe. Then we suit up.

First we integrate ourselves.
Only then we ascend.

Integration is knowing self,
accepting it as an incompletion,
applying what’s best in it,
so that nature can progressively add to it.

#lifelessons

If You Want To Be Loved…

We’re told that relations need sacrifices.
People tell you not to be you.
But that’s self-denial.
And people living in self-denial make
really crappy contributions.
Which is what relations actually need; not sacrifices.

Sure; relations need us to change. To grow.
But growth differs to self-denial.
The idea isn’t to trash who you are.
The idea is to evolve who you are.

After all, why do we get into relationships?
To be loved? To feel fulfilled?
How can we ever receive love,
if we’re not there as our genuine selves?

You know what makes you “you”.
You know your core values.
Change the parts that make you a nuisance;
but never compromise your core values.
Remember, relation is for your happiness;
not a crisis to be survived.

“If you need me not to be me,
I don’t need you at all.”

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#relationship #love

The Common Sense of Efforts

“Don’t you get bored of efforts?”
“Sure I do. I take a pause. And then I resume.”
“But where do you get the strength?”
“I don’t have to get strength. I just have to note a fact. Can’t eat if we don’t hunt and cook. It’s the basis of life. A journey isn’t a hurdle to a destination. It’s what turns into the destination. I think it’s common sense. I think it’s stupid to complain about efforts. That’s what gives me strength. Nobody ordered me to have a goal. It was my choice. So who am I whining to? Myself. I note it’s my tantrum and I was never good at tolerating tantrums. Not even my own. I really have nothing better to do than pursuing my goals. So I’ll pause for a while if I want; but why stop? Makes no sense.”

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#PersonalGrowth

Never Be Your Own Second Choice

“…But priority goes to relations.”
“So?”
“So how can we remain our first choice?”
“How can we ever have healthy relations,
if we’re not our first choice?”
“I don’t understand… What?”
“Sounds counter-intuitive, huh? Please allow me. If we’re our second choice, we’re living in self-denial. We think sacrifice is noble; but a relation needs contribution; not sacrifice. And a self-denied person makes really crappy contributions. Nobody can work on empty stomachs. Instead, those who validate their needs have energy of self-respect. Only they can contribute strongly to the relation. Only their relations actually work. Being our first choice doesn’t have to be a narcissistic denial of others’ needs. But it surely needs to be a realistic acceptance of self as a limited organism; not a superhero.”
“But people shame us for it. The other person demands priority…”
“As opposed to the relation? An able-minded person notices that scam right away and never stands such scammers. We need only those who want us to be us. No roles. No dramas. We’re here to live for real.”

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#LifeLessons

Mediocre?

A small step is mediocre.
A long leap is spectacular.
But it’s small steps taken one at a time that take us to the summit.
Long leaps burn us out, make us trip, cause accidents, ensure failure.
Let no spectacular visuals fool you.
Know what really works.
Intensity and volume look awesome; but you can’t work either for long without burn-out. Surely not both.
But consistency can turn even moderate intensities and volumes into spectacular results.
After all, that’s all we can actually handle.
So let’s stay true to our reality; have patience; be consistent and grow.
Repetition creates reality.

#growthmindset

Mistakes

“I have made mistakes.”
“What are you doing about it?”
“I’m suffering the results in silence.”
“You may not have to.
You can explore ways to change.”
“I don’t deserve that. I’m useless.
I’ve hurt others too.
And I’ve lost so much time.
I must be punished for what I did.”
“I can tell you that punishing yourself isn’t going to change the past. People will stay hurt. Time lost won’t come back. Time remaining will be lost too. But I guess you already know all that. Check if you’re unconsciously turning this into an identity. Beats taking efforts for improvement, does it? Is this discomfort turning into a comfort zone? Because now it’s familiar to you? Known pain is better than unknown pain, huh? Is that the real pay-off? Are we hiding that laziness behind this pseudo-sentimental glory of self-negation? If that’s the case, you’re botching up this job too. The bluff is too obvious. So how about we cut the crap and get real? You’re saying you were useless in the past. How about not remaining useless forever?”

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#LifeLessons

We, The Parody

We did it all.
Worshipped Shakespeare; parodied his works.
Loved ‘Titanic’; turned it into satire.
We have done it to everything that’s beautiful.
Right after we enjoyed that beauty.
That’s the interesting part.
The beauty isn’t lost upon us. We notice it alright.
Yet it doesn’t stop us from making it ugly.
Are we doing the same to our life itself?
Aren’t we turning ourselves into dark humor with substance abuse?
Right after we found means to have stronger lives?
Aren’t we turning relationships into jokes by choosing not to take efforts on any?
Right after we broke free from shackles of tradition to choose our own partners?
Aren’t we turning families into parodies
by neglecting our kin?
Right after wars taught us values of togetherness?
Aren’t we turning nations into dysfunctions
by electing politicians known to be corrupt?
Right after many of us recently achieved freedom from cruel barbaric oppressors?
Aren’t we turning humanity into profanity
by encouraging division, fractionalization?
Right after we learned what wonders can come from cumulative effort?
In our love for parodies, are we turning into ones?

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#LifeLessons

Set In Motion

Never mistake management with micro-management. Entrepreneurship is about delegation. Set people and things in motion; but don’t maneuver them yourself. While they move, you do your part. Function in parallel realities; that’s what proliferates profits. Don’t be the kid who manually moves a toy-car. Be the smart kid who designs a sloped path and simply taps the car in motion; moving on to arrange a nice destination for it at the end of its path. Be result-oriented; not process-obsessed.

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#PersonalGrowth

Feel It.

Emotion and intelligence aren’t opposites.
They complete each other.
To know anything is to build a bond with it.
A bridge, so that information can flow.
Intelligence provides pillars for that bridge.
Emotion keeps the traffic on it fluid.

Knowing the subject isn’t enough.
Knowledge is complete only when
the change it makes in us is felt fully.

Knowing is subjective.
Information affects each individual individually.
It turns knowledge only when
individual emotion is allowed and acknowledged.
Remember what quantum mechanics taught us.
The observer can’t be neglected during observation.

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#Knowledge

Honesty

Honesty is the best value;
but not necessarily the best policy all the time.
Your honesty may land you in trouble;
for others couldn’t stand its weight.
Many have been hung for stating
uncomfortable truths.
This isn’t an encouragement to dishonesty.
It’s advocacy for caution while being honest.
Know people first.
Check their ability to handle truth.
Choose your audience carefully.
Perhaps unwrapping truth gradually is useful.
Or perhaps securing yourself beforehand is.
Depends on the situation.
Be real; but never let yourself regret telling truth.
You matter. Live mindfully.

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#LifeLessons

(Un)Reality of a “Problem”

“Problem” is a label given to a situation when mind chooses to perceive it as such.
We may be stuck somewhere and that’s a challenge; but that’s still not a “problem”. There may be way-outs we haven’t seen yet. It’s only natural that they won’t be obvious to us immediately. A problem is when we reject that naturalness; because our beliefs demand unreal expectations:

“Reality should be only as much as I find comfortable. It must not exceed my limits; so that I can keep pretending I’m limitless.”

And that, my friend, is the true problem.

#LifeLessons #Mindfulness

Good V/S Rational

I’m not “good”.
“Good” is defined self-conveniently by others.
To use me.
“Good” is when I follow a script; play a role.
I play no roles; I’m real. I’m me.
I stay human. I stay alert.
I look. I observe. I notice. And I respond.
It’s true that my responses are mostly non-violent.
I encourage creation; avoid destruction.
That’s only because it works.
Gives me results.
If my rationality makes me good, please note:
My responses WILL differ from time to time.
That’s inherent in rationality.
So check, before you declare I’m not good anymore.
If it’s consistency you seek in me,
you have to look deeper.
It’ll be in my reason, not in my reaction.

A Mindful Soul

#Good

Cheating In This Universe

“But why don’t you understand –”
“That your partner has flaws? And that’s supposed to justify your cheating? Let me stop you right there. Let’s imagine your partner is a gigantic crap-bag. Let’s imagine you tried working things out and it didn’t work. Well. Why didn’t you leave? This isn’t 15th century. You’re both independent. What stopped you from breaking it and making a different one in a legit way? Why cheat?”
“Actually, my partner isn’t that bad…”
“And you wanted to hold on to the good parts. In addition to the exciting parts in your side-business. So you’re saying you see human beings as grocery stores? You get sugar from one, beans from the other? What kind of animal are you?”
“I stayed for the kids…”
“Kids who saw their parents either brawling like goats or having cold-war. Catching negative vibes like bugs caught in the wrong magnetic field. Totally not getting any emotional nourishment you thought you were providing. Please. You stayed because it was your comfort zone. You cheated because you wanted to. It’s as simple as that.”
“But isn’t it natural to develop attractions? With multiple people? After all, we aren’t naturally coded for loyalty to one partner.”
“We aren’t naturally coded to wear clothes as well. Nature doesn’t mind us wandering around in toddler-mode. But we do need clothes, don’t we? My friend, there’s a reason we stopped living in jungles and began a civilization. Because we figured there’s more to life than food, sleep and sex. We can reach out and create art, music, literature, technology and medicines only when we accept a disciplined way of life. As opposed to being a football kicked by our hormones in an endless game. You’re an adult. How about you wake up to it now?”

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#cheating

Arrogant!

– “How do I manage my emotion?”
– “Emotion isn’t your employee to manage.
   It’s Nature; you’re merely a human.
   So quit your arrogance; stay humble; and
   manage your reply to it instead.”
– “Arrogance? How am I arrogant?
   I’m the victim here…”
– “That’s the whole problem. You’re so me-me-me.
   First, you faced a situation. As a reaction,
   the Nature living in you gifted you an emotion.
   It wasn’t about you;
   it was about the Nature in you.
   Your ego made it about yourself.
   The gift was meant as a temporary hand-over.
   But you decided to own it; made a toy out of it.
   You never actually listened to it;
   but you surely added your imagination to it.
   Your possessiveness turned it grotesque.
   Now you’re scared of the ugliness you created.
   You blame the emotion for it; now you reject it.
   That’s all arrogance.
   Emotion is how Nature communicates with us.
   It keeps calling until we hear it out as it is.
   So stop putting your words in Nature’s mouth.
   Pay attention. Let Nature speak.
   Accept it without denial; it’s the truth you need.
   Once it’s shared, it’ll leave you alone on its own.
   Be respectful and real to personal Nature.
   Don’t manage emotion;
   manage your reaction to it.”

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#Emotion #Mindfulness

Control

Alcohol. Tobacco. Drugs.
Abusive partners. Manipulative friends.
Ideologies. Religions. Traditions.
Politicians. Cults. Propaganda.
Fraudsters. Scammers. Hackers.

They control you, when you fail to control yourself. It happens when subconsciously you want mindlessness. Either you don’t want to think; or you want someone else to do your thinking for you. You don’t want the effort. Absent independent thought, you lead to mindless action. The result is addiction, slavery and misery.

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#LifeLessons

The Grand Strings

I’m consciousness.
I absorb information.
It turns to emotion and cognition.
It becomes expression and creation.
I sense reality.
I create reality.
I’m reality.
I’m everything.
And yet, I’m just a link in the grand strings.
I serve universe’s ultimate purpose:
To know itself.

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#Knowledge #Consciousness

How to Destroy Yourself

Here’s a great way to destroy your life:

Be blind. Call it being “nice”.
Meet random strangers.
Assume they’re nice too.
When they offer candies, say yes.
In fact, dive into their vans even before they call.
And if they don’t have vans, hey,
you have a house! Or, a mind, heart, body, yeah?
Call them in.
Declare mentally, “We’re best buddies now!”
Or, why not, “We’re soulmates now!”
You don’t know crap about them; but who cares?
Let them all the way in.
Have no boundaries. Show them everything.
Your bedroom. The password to your safe.
Your traumas. Who hurt you how.
Share all your secrets. Bare it all.
Ooh, that’s a great way to be close. After all,
the world is really flooding with empaths, yes?
Assume humanity.
Assume the best will be available to you
just like that. Manipulation? Betrayal? Trickery?
Oh, that happens to other people. Not you.
You’re born with special safety shields,
aren’t you?

That’s the recipe for self-destruction. Of course, not everyone will help you destroy yourself. Some will actually be nice. Yeah, that’s a problem. But we don’t need many. Just one will be enough.

Now let’s hate what’s written here and yell, “So I should never share anything with anyone? Ever?” Great! From one extreme polarity, we jump to the opposite extreme polarity! As if there’s nothing in between. What’s the focus here? Is it about ‘never sharing anything’? Or is it about ‘knowing people first before we share’? How about stepping out of scripts and applying common sense?

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#LifeLessons

Taking Sides V/S Taking Stand

“So what’s your stand on this?”
“My own.”
“Meaning? Whose side are you on?”
“As I said, my own.”
“Meaning you pick no sides. How can you take a stand without picking sides?”
“Who says I must limit myself to only the given sides? It’s perfectly possible that none of the present sides are any of my business. And it’s perfectly possible that there’re angles to the situation which no sides have realized yet. If it’s my business, I want solution; not opinion. And if it’s not my business, I have no time to waste in dramas. I don’t want to fall on any sides; I want to stand tall on my own.”

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#LifeLessons #SelfAwareness #PersonalGrowth

Situation, Emotion, Reaction

There’s a lake here.
A stone is tossed in that lake.
Like a situation hitting a person.
There’s going to be a splash.
Let’s blame the stone for it, sure.
But what about the content of the splash?
Is there mud in it?
We all hate the stone; but
the stone didn’t put that mud in the lake.
It was already there;
probably a result of stones tossed in the past.
Stones that were stored; allowed to turn to mud.
Stones that weren’t tossed out time to time.
Stones that never had to be a part of the lake.
The new stone merely exposed that fact.

Maybe the stones that sink in can’t be tossed out.
But they can be turned into
a concrete base for the lake.
Much better, and useful, than loose mud.
Better to get a character out of it than disorder.

When one kicks a wall,
only the loosened bricks fall out.
As a reaction. And education:
it tells you where the wall needs fortification.

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#LifeLessons #Mindfulness

Get Some? Of What?

“Are you in a relationship?”
“No.
Haven’t found anyone seriously considerable.”
“Why don’t you have casual relationships?”
“For the same reason I don’t pop cherries
into my mouth without checking for dark spots.
Once the cherry is inside your mouth,
it’s inside your body.
Whether you were casual or serious about it,
doesn’t matter. If it’s rotten, you’re done.
Sure you can spit it out;
but the ugly taste remains.
Same goes with a person.
You let someone step inside your boundaries,
they’re in for good.
Serious or casual, they leave their print.
Can’t afford a bad print; life taught me that.
Hurts like hell, no matter how much you deny it.
If a little cherry can do so much damage,
imagine what a fully grown person can do.”
“But what about physical needs?
We all need to get some…”
“Get some of what?
Herpes? Syphilis? AIDS? Besides,
when both me and my partner essentially
look at each other as use-and-throw products,
what am I getting, really?
Satisfaction? Or just cancellation of urges?
I want a full meal; junk food doesn’t do it for me.”

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#relationship

Or We Can Grow Up

We can leave LOL on a post written with an ideology we hate.
Like we always do. Or we can grow up.
We can jump into an argument just because it’s happening.
Like all the time. Or we can grow up.
We can swear simply noticing a particular politician’s pic.
Like every day. Or we can grow up.
We can burst out in anger when someone provokes us.
Every time. Or we can grow up.

We can play out a script.
Or we can grow up.

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#PersonalGrowth #Mindfulness

“I want love, not a fix.”

“Get into a relationship.”
“I’m not OK with myself at present.”
“That’s why, get into a relationship.
You’ll be OK once you find someone.”
“So someone else will make me OK?”
“Some people have a great presence!
They make us feel not just OK; but great!”
“And I’ll stay great only when they’re around.
Any other time, I’ll be in deep pain.
Depression. Anxiety. Panic. Anger. Violence.
Like a junkie who’s human only with a fix.
Turning less and less of a person each day.
No, I don’t want that. I want love; not a fix.
I want a partner; not a false life-support system.
My low self-esteem is a challenge I need to beat;
not a handicap to be concretized.
I need to be able to be there for myself
today when I’m single and
tomorrow too when I’ll be in a relationship.
Both me and my future partner deserve that.”

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#love #selflove

Real Ones

“You aren’t real.”
“Why?”
“I heard you left.”
“That’s enough to label me unreal?”
“Real ones stay.”
“Because their partners keep it real too.
Both know love isn’t allowance for abuse.
Know both sides before you judge me.
I left, not because I wasn’t real.
I left, because I was.
Oh, I was very much real and
I was forced to hate it. Regret it.
And I deserve better than that.”

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#relationship #love

“Sometimes You’re Selfish…”

“Sometimes you’re selfish.”
“Sometimes I need to be.”
“Others need you.”
“I need me too.”
“Sometimes you deny people attention.”
“Because I can’t always deny myself.”
“But there are things only you do best.”
“That best comes from a finite source.
It’s called being human. And not God.
That source needs replenishment.
To be best for others,
I need to be good to myself too.
I don’t appreciate being labelled selfish;
but if you think
the best should always be available to others,
try the same using the best in you.
Then talk to me.”

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#SelfCare #SelfLove

Epics & Parodies

“You’re so wise.”
“If you say so.”
“You must’ve read many a great books.”
“And I’ve studied many a great people.”
“They taught you?”
“They tried.
I learned when I was in the mood.”
“But that must not have been all.
Your words have specific usability.
Not just profound; but applicable as well.
Where did that come from?”
“If I tell you, you wouldn’t believe me.”
“Try me.”
“I’ve read epics and cried.
I’ve watched their parodies and laughed too.
And I learned something useful.
Same story can be told differently.
Same event can be seen differently.
Heroes could be idiots in an alternate version.
Villains may be great teachers if seen differently.
Glorious victories may just be
one man’s attempt to hide insecurity
over certain bodily dimensions.
And not because he cared about his people.
Glory may’ve been possible because
the man’s followers failed to see it.
Tragic losses may have been results of
people’s stupidity rather than
the portrayed misfortune in their tales.
I’m not saying it’s always the case;
I just stay aware that it could be.
Most people see things from one angle;
they emotionally cling to that angle;
sabotaging their understanding of it.
I never make that mistake.
To learn, you must dare to question and laugh at
your idols.”

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}

#PersonalGrowth

When Not To Be A Partner

“So, are you seeing someone?”
“No.”
“Don’t lie! I saw you two yesterday!
You were having a good time.”
“Sure we were. But we’re just friends.
I don’t want to take it further;
at least not now.”
“Why? What’s wrong with that cutie?”
“Nothing.
But right now I’m not OK with myself.
I’m working on some personal stuff.”
“Well, maybe you don’t have to!
Who says you need to fight alone?”
“I’m not. My therapist is with me.”
“Umm, sure;
but how about being with a partner?
After all, what use is a partner,
if you have to fight battles alone?”
“Exactly. What use am I as a partner,
if my partner has to fight both of our battles?
Alone? Since I’m not OK with myself?
Which I have to be first,
to fight other stuff together? You getting that?
It’s one thing if I was already in a relationship
and developed issues later.
Expecting partner’s support is valid there;
for the relation would already be quite evolved.
But here, I’d be tossing my self-hate
into the birth of relationship itself.
The relation will develop accordingly.
With me looking at my partner as
my emotion manager right from the get-go.
Needy. Dependent.
Probably inviting a scammer into my life.
Or maybe, I’ll really a get a sweet soul and
I’ll project my self-hate onto that sweetness.
Taking the love and patience for granted.
Abusive. Building resentments.
Neither of us need that.
We both deserve a self-loving me.
I’ll get to that first.”
“But maybe this cutie won’t wait for that…”
“I don’t expect that in the first place.
I may not be OK right now; but I’m not blind.
I’m being real with life here. No double-games.”

{Wish you a strong life.
Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}