We smile. They smile.
Then come the small talks.
Which lead to bit bigger talks.
Smiles become laughs.
Soon come the high-fives.
Meetings. Spontaneous first. Then decided.
First we ask for nice places. Restaurants and malls.
Then even a sidewalk bench is OK.
We know – we’re friends now.
Then come the ugly observations.
Then come the expectations.
Then comes the criticism.
Then comes the judgment.
Here and there. But always something.
Something about their dressing sense.
Something about their speech.
Something about their views.
Something about their personal lives.
Then it gets vocal.
“Don’t”. “You shouldn’t.” “You can’t.”
“You must.”
“You’re a businessperson. Dress like one.”
“You’re a teacher. How can you wear that skirt?”
“Should a man wear that?” “Should a woman say that?”
“You’re of xyz faith/religion/ethnicity. Be like one.”
“It’s our history. It’s our culture. You can’t say such things.”
“You must believe in God.”
“How can you eat that? Aren’t you xyz?”
Configurations.
Attempts at editing people.
Tries to fit them in our social comfort zones.
A heavy fear of differences in opinions.
An anxiety, that people must fit themselves in settings we’re familiar with.
Something that invariably results in us complaining, “People Avoid Me”.
So heavy. So toxic. So unnecessary.
They’re people, dear. Sure they’re friends and colleagues and relatives; doesn’t stop them from being separate, distinct individuals with their own, unique personalities.
Have we understood what social life means?
Do we realize there’s always going to be a difference? Among us and people?
Do we realize they’ve had their histories before they met us?
Do we realize we can’t invalidate what uniqueness they’ve gained over the years?
Not that we must agree to things that can’t be agreed to;
Not that we should be friends with those who carry suspicious packets of white powder in their car trunks; but for anything else, do we check in real terms exactly why their dressing sense and historical opinions hurt us?
Do we realize we can’t and we have no right to force our ideas onto people?
Do we realize it’s how gaps widen among people?
Do we realize that’s how resentment sets in?
Do we realize it’s not helping any of us?
Do we realize maturity lies in respecting those differences?
Maybe agree to disagree like adults? And still commit to the companionship, for nothing but the pure human pleasure of being together?
Do we realize humanity lies in that acceptance?
Two choices.
A choice to push people away by playing unwanted script-writers for their lives.
And a choice to wake up.
Let’s wake up, folks.
We’ve been asleep far too long.
© Apoorv Vikas
Counselor & psychologist
Nigdi Pune India
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Counselor Apoorva 