Beauty in You

(Dedicated to you, caregiver)

You care.
It’s precious.
Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Sure, over-caring could be avoided.
But see WHO is telling you that.
Let it not be someone who has never cared for anything. Let it not be someone who has never stood for anything. Let it not be someone who glorifies carelessness and indifference by deconstructing your caring nature. Let it not be a faceless chunk in a nondescript crowd who never developed the maturity to be there for anyone or anything; living a senseless life for a senseless cause that differs not much from self-indulgences and debauchery.

You aren’t one in that crowd and that’s appreciable, my friend.
There’s love in your caring. There’s warmth.
There’s affirmation to betterment.
Caring is a facility you make available for those in need. It’s human and humane.
Caring is a necessity.
That necessity takes strength.
It’s not something anyone could do.
You care, for you have that strength.
You wake up early for it. You stay awake late for it. You make sacrifices. You prioritize it over your own needs and wishes. You invest thought and will and effort and time for someone. Might be a person, or an idea. You believe in a cause and you take pains for a better future that may not necessarily have you in it. You strive, so that someone else or something else can flourish. It’s breathtaking. Splendid.
Before we judge the over-caring or possessiveness that might occasionally show up in it, let’s first recognise that strength and let’s respect it.

You’re you. Your caring is what you do.
Refine it, if necessary.
Rectify it, in case. With awareness.
But always remember: it’s beautiful.
It was, always. It’ll be, always. Beautiful.

#care #caring #help #love #empathy #emotion #sympathy #feeling #thought #think #act #effort #understanding #awareness #integrity #carelessness #social_work #caregiver #guardian #parent #human #humane #social #society #interpersonal #relations #relationship #people #connect #strength

One More Step. One More Rep.

Success Way:

Inspiration: “I want it. Appeals to me.”

Vision: “I’ll get it. Suits me.”

Self: “I’ve understood me.”

Exploration: “I choose a path that resonates with me.”

Day 1: “I know I have little strength. I use it to walk on the path I’ve chosen. I take it one step beyond my assumed limit. I call it a day.”

Day 2: “I know where I reached yesterday and I remember what I had to do to get there. Today, I apply the same. I get there. But I take it one step beyond that; and I call it a day.”

Day 3: “Same stuff. One step beyond my yesterday’s reach.”

Day 10: “Same stuff.”

Introspection: “I look back. I see I’ve come quite some way now. I see I can do things now I couldn’t 10 days back. I see I’ve added new strengths. It boosts my confidence. Nice. But I also take into account that this has been possible only because I stayed true to the path; and to the idea of taking it one step beyond yesterday’s score. I’ll continue on that.”

Day 100: “Oh, yes. Same stuff. One more step than yesterday. That hasn’t changed. That will never change.”

Evolution: “I introspect repeatedly. It tells me good things. And bad too. It tells me what I’ve gained. It tells me what else I have gained apart from my primary goal. It also tells me how I could’ve done it better. It tells me which part of the plan worked best and which could’ve been replaced. It tells me which part I should stick to and which I can do without. It tells me if my path has an expiry date or if it can be continued. But most important: it tells me how great the idea of “progressive overload” has worked for me. I add gradually. I act progressively. I’m building myself into my success. I’m winning.”

#success #goals #objective #aim #target #ambition #dreams #aspiration #inspiration #motivation #progress #improvement #advancement #betterment #achievement #accomplishment #plan #progressive_overload #consistency #resilience #commitment #dedication #evolution #challenge #adaptation #bodybuilding #strength_training

You’re Waiting For You.

It’s a choice. It’s a decision.
It’s for you. It’s upto you.
For it’s your life.

They ask, “what is life?”
They ask, “what’s its purpose?”
They ask, “why am I here?”
The answer is simple.
Life is here. Life is now.
Your existence is defined by a choice.
A choice of who and what you decide to be.
At present moment.
Being, is in expressing true potential of your personality as it is.

But you don’t.
You know who you are and what you should do for that; but you don’t.
You wait for someone’s permission.
You want them to make that choice for you.
Are you aware it’s a trap?
Are you aware you chose to walk in it?
Do you know you can walk out?

You see, you’re a power.
They saw it.
They wanted to harness that power.
For personal benefits.
To that effect, they figured out your emotional weaknesses and deficits in thought processes.
So that they can exploit them.
They saw you crave for appreciation.
They showed how you should submit to their will to have that appreciation.
And you did exactly that.
Today they make you feel guilty for prioritizing your needs and wishes over theirs.
Don’t fall prey to that. No need for guilt.
Know that nobody helps anybody unselfishly. There’s always an expectation.
You’re under nobody’s favor.
You owe nobody.
Your future calls for attention; and you’re not providing that.
Change happens when we make it.
We choose our destiny.
Choose wisely.
Know what’s smart for you.

Remember that you weren’t put here to please everyone.
If you’re awaiting approval, admiration, appreciation and acceptance to begin a journey, know that you’re waiting but for you. Give yourself that permission. And it shall suffice. Stop stopping yourself.

#life #goals #self #self_help #self_care #inspiration #motivation #aspiration #ambition #destiny #choice #attitude #debt #submission #will_power #choice #decision #confidence #personal #personal_space #rights #entitlement #appreciation #approval #admiration #acceptance #rebel #freedom #permission #awareness

Empowerment is Always Self-Empowerment

There’s strength.
And there’s empowerment.

Strength is ability.
Empowerment is affirmation to that ability.

Most people ask it from others.
Most people expect it to be given.
Most people wait for its availability.
Most people think it can be bought.
Most people aren’t winners.

Error in thought leads to that failure.
Logic leads to victory.
This is Nature, my friend.
It’s “survival of the fittest; elimination of the weak”.
You’re on your own. Same as everyone.
Life is a continuous test of ability for it and resilience for its challenges.
Strength is a result of evolution.
Evolution is a personal undertaking.
One doesn’t ask to be evolved.
One works on oneself and evolves the self.
Strength isn’t imparted.
Strength is unlocked within.
Expecting anything different is wishful thinking that contradicts with Nature’s ways; and it costs.

To win,
Understand who you are.
You could be ambitious, or peaceful, or fun-loving, or caring, or self-centered, or a warrior, or a conquerer, or spiritual, or an explorer, or a helper, or a guide.
Select a goal that resonates with what you are.
Explore your strengths and weaknesses.
Apply strengths more, to evolve them.
Work on weaknesses more, setting progressive goals and applying wisdom of yesterday’s victory to today’s challenge.
There’s no standard way to success; for it’s subjective to one’s personality.
Find out which way resonates with your unique personality; remember that success is a result of true expression of one’s personality.
By expression of your old strengths and newly developed abilities, you unlock new depths of your potential; that’s how you empower yourself; that’s how you win.

Strength is within.
Empowerment is always self-empowerment.
Success isn’t what you reach.
It’s what you become.

#strength #empowerment #evolution #progress #development #ability #capacity #capability #power #potential #improvement #betterment #success #goals #achievement #inspiration #motivation #self #caring #self_help #personality #positive #thinking

Happiness v/s Positivity

There were three little boys.
There was one task.
Draw a sunrise.
Mountains, skies and the sun.
All three had just one pallet of paints.

One was the fastest.
He used up most of the colors.
He was happy.

The second one was slower.
He had finished mountains in green and skies in blue. But there was no yellow for the sun anymore.
He was unhappy.

The third one was slower too. With the same problem. No yellow, no sun.
Then again, he was smart.
He noticed there was red on the pallet, used by nobody, for there was no reason.
He smiled.
He mixed a bit of red with a bit of green.
He got yellow.
He got his sun.

Happiness is a reaction.
Which can turn into unhappiness any time.
It’s a dance to the tunes of the stimuli one is exposed to at present.
Uncontrolled stimuli; leading to unconscious birth of emotion; developing into uncontrolled feeling; taking one for a ride; to be discarded off the ride any moment.
That was the case for first two boys.

Positivity is a response.
A consciously chosen response to a consciously understood situation.
It’s an awareness that the same situation that makes others unhappy holds the key to yield useful results; provided one looks for that key; explores all options; thinks out of the box; manipulates the situation toward desired outcome; consciously acknowledging that it can be done.
That was the case with the third boy.

Feeling is emotionalized thought.
Positivity does not imply that one should think robotically separated out of the emotion. In fact, positivity implies one should acknowledge the emotion wholeheartedly, along with the negativity in it; but choosing to see it only as inspiration to work differently; without letting it declare itself as the ultimate result of the situation.
Positivity is about saying yes to continued exploration even when the present says no.
Positivity is about being proactive and responding to life, as opposed to merely reacting to it.

#happiness #joy #positive #positivity #happy #feeling #emotion #thinking #thought #focus #awareness #understanding #choice #explore #reaction #response #life #living #mind #success #winner #management #situation #constructive #creative #counseling #psychology

रिलेशनशिपस्थ !

…याबाबतीत उमेदवार असलेल्या कुणा एका होतकरू मनाचं मनोगत, जे पुरूष, किंवा स्री, किंवा कुणाचंही असू शकतं:
“मी रिलेशनशिपस्थ.
कोकणस्थ किंवा देशस्थ असतात ना; त्याप्रमाणे.
या जमातीत शिरण्यापुर्वी, काही गोष्टी स्पष्ट करूया.

कुणी गेल्यावर श्राद्ध घालतात ना, त्याप्रमाणे ठराविक वय झाल्यावर कुणालातरी धरून रिलेशनशिप घातलीच पाहीजे, अशातला भाग नसतो. तसं केलं तर लवकरच रिलेशनशिपचंच श्राद्ध घालावं लागतं. मला दुनियेला दाखवण्यासाठी प्रेमात नाही पडायचंय. बाकी सगळे दुतोंडी झालेत म्हणून मीही फेसबुकच्या प्रोफाईलवर माझा दुतोंडी सेल्फी टाकला पाहीजे, याची मला घाई नाही. मला रिलेशनशिप स्वत:साठी हवीये. साथीदार मी स्वत: निवडेन. व्यक्तिमत्वाच्या आतलं माणूस कसंय, ते पारखेन. त्यासाठी आवश्यक तो वेळ घेईन. आणि देईनही. मला उगाच जवळिकीला “प्रेमा”चं लेबल लावण्याची घाई नकोय.

मला प्रेम घ्यायचंय. घेण्यापुर्वी देणंही असतं; या संकल्पनेचा मला स्वीकार आहे. मुळात, देण्याघेण्यापेक्षा प्रेमस्वरूप असण्यात मजा आहे, असं मला वाटतं.

मी या बाबतीत पूर्ण पारंगत नाही. याचं ट्रेनिंग कुठे मिळत नाही. मी चुकू शकेन. “आयुष्याचं सगळं ज्ञान मेंदूत डाऊनलोड करूनच माझा जन्म झालाय का?” हा माझा प्रश्न मला valid वाटतो. पण हाच प्रश्न समोरची व्यक्तीही स्वत:बद्दल मला विचारू शकते, ही वस्तुस्थितीही मला मान्य आहे. सो, मी प्रतिक्रियेची घाई करणार नाही. आणि “मी चुकू शकेन” ही स्वैराचारासाठीची परवानगी नाही, याचं मला भान आहे. कृतीत विचार आणि विचारात विवेक असावा, असं आपलं मला वाटतं. आणि झालीच चूक, तर समजावून घेईन; समजूनही घेईन.

समोरच्या व्यक्तीने किनई, माझ्या मनातलं मी न बोलता ओळखलं पाहीजे, ही फालतूगिरी मी करणार नाही. त्यासाठी अतिंद्रिय शक्ती असलेली पात्रं हवीत; जी फक्त कॉमिक बुक मध्ये मिळतात. आणि हो – माझ्याकडूनही कृपया ही अपेक्षा नको. नॉर्मल पंचेंद्रिय असलेल्या मानवप्राण्यात इंटरेस्ट असेल, तरच संपर्क साधावा, ही विनंती. माझ्याकडून काही हवं असेल, तर तसं मोकळं बोलावं.

सीसीडी मध्ये एकमेकांच्या आंखोंमें आंखें डाले आपण दोन तास जरूर बसूया. पण त्याचवेळी तोंडाची दातखीळ नको. बोलूया. मोकळं बोलूया. संवाद साधूया. आणि संवाद आपले स्वत:चे ठेवूया. ड्रामे नकोत. मी किती क्यूट आहे आणि तू किती क्यूट आहे, यापलीकडे जाऊया. वेगवेगळ्या विषयांवर मतं मांडणं होऊदेत. कोणताच विषय वर्ज्य नको. आयुष्याची गोल्स, श्रीमंतीच्या संकल्पना, करिअरच्या आयडिआज, कष्ट आणि मज्जा यातल्या समतोलाची समज, घरचं वातावरण, धार्मिकता, देवधर्म, संस्कृतीबद्दलच्या संकल्पना, शाकाहार-मांसाहार, तिखट की गोड, मित्रमैत्रिणी, छंद, आवडी-निवडी, काय टॉलरेट होईल, काय नाही, समाजाबद्दलच्या संकल्पना, जात-धर्म-भाषा-प्रांताबद्दलच्या समजुती… येऊदे सगळं. आपलं matching कुठे आहे, कुठे नाही, कळू दे. नंतर “आधी नव्हतं हो वाटलं, हे असं असेल म्हणून…” हे बोलायची वेळ नको आणूया आपण एकमेकांवर. सगळा नकाशा आत्ताच मांडून होणार नाही – आहे कल्पना मला. पण एकमेकांबद्दल माहिती असायला हवी. एकत्र असणं हे पुढे दाराबाहेरुन घराच्या आत येणार असेल, सहजीवन सुरू होणार असेल, तर ते कितपत शक्य आहे, ते आत्ता बहुतांश कळायला हवं.

“तुला माझा भूतकाळ विचारायचा काहीही अधिकार नाही,” हा डायलॉग दुसऱ्याच्या तोंडावर फेकायचा हल्ली एक ट्रेन्ड आलाय. त्याला maturity वगैरे समजलं जातं. बहुतेकांना त्याची व्याप्ती फक्त “तुझं आधी कुणाबरोबर काही होतं का?” आणि “तुमच्यात ‘तसलं’ काही झालं होतं का?” एवढीच असते, असं वाटतं; पण खरंतर यापलीकडेही अनेक विषय असतात. आपण ज्या काळात जगतोय, त्या काळात ड्रग्सपासून दहशतवादापर्यंत सगळं आपल्या आयुष्याच्या उंबरठ्यापर्यंत येऊन ठेपलंय, ही वस्तुस्थिती आहे. काहींच्या बाबतीत ते उंबरठा ओलांडून आतही येतंय. रिलेशनशिपमध्ये आपल्या दोघांच्या वर्तमानाबरोबर दोघांचे भूतकाळही जोडतो आपण. तो भूतकाळ समोरच्या व्यक्तीने accept करावा, अशी आपली अपेक्षा असते. पण लपवलेल्या भूतकाळाची पोकळी त्याने accept करावी, ही अपेक्षा आपण तेव्हा करू शकतो, जेव्हा त्या भूतकाळातलं सगळं आपण स्वत:च्या स्पेसमध्ये प्रामाणिकपणे निस्तरलं असेल. असं खरंच झालंय का, हा प्रश्न आपण स्वत:ला विचारायला हवा. Maybe आपलं झालं असेल; पण समोरच्याचंही निस्तरून झालं असेल, असं गृहीत धरण्याची चैन आपण खरंच करू शकतो? मला वाटतं, हे प्रत्येकाने आपापल्या जागी ठरवावं.

“I love you,” हे दोन व्यक्ती जेव्हा एकमेकांना ऐकवतात ना, तेव्हा त्या दोघांच्या त्वचेवरचे, पोटातले, काखेतले करोडो जिवाणू सुद्धा तो डायलॉग ऐकतात. त्यांना प्रश्न पडत असेल, की आपण यातल्या कुणाही एकाच्या भविष्यात ज्या सर्द्या, खोकले, ताप, गोवर, पोटदुखी, डोकेदुखी आणि अधिक गंभीर आजार योजून ठेवलेत, त्यांना सामोरं जाण्याची दुसऱ्याची तयारी आहे का? नाही, म्हणजे, “तो खूप हॉट दिसतो गं” किंवा “ती जाम सेक्सी दिसते रे” हे २४/७ नसतं. अपचन झालेल्याने आरशात पाहावं. रोमान्सचा रसभंग करणं, हा माझा हेतू नव्हे. पण ते “हॉट”पण ज्यावेळी आपल्या साथीदाराबाबतीत नसतं ना, त्याचवेळी रिलेशनशिपची खरी कसोटी असते. त्यावेळी साथीदाराला साथ देता यायला हवी. त्या दुखण्यातून येणारी चीडचीड, नैराश्य, त्रागा समजून घेता यायला हवा. मला जमेल? मी प्रयत्न तर निश्चित करेन. समोरूनही हा विश्वास मिळाला, तर मला आनंद आहे.

जे सुरू करायचंय ते पूर्णत्वास नेण्यासाठी, स्वत:चे विचार, आचार आणि उच्चार स्वतंत्रपणे प्रगल्भ करायचा प्रयत्न करेन. मला या रिलेशनशिपच्या उच्चतम फ्रिक्वेन्सीसाठी स्वत:ला eligible बनवायचंय. त्यासाठी स्वत:वर अखंड काम करेन. विश्वासासाठी. नात्यासाठी. विश्वास जेव्हा श्रद्धेत साकारतो ना, तिथे नात्यातलं प्रेम यशस्वी होतं.

मला त्या व्यक्तीसोबत जन्माला घालायचंय ते यश. एक गोड सृजन असेल ते.”

समुपदेशक व मानसशास्त्र तज्ज्ञ
निगडी, पुणे

#relationship #love #couple #he #she #boyfriend #girlfriend #dating #attraction #romance #care #trust #understanding #awareness #youth #counseling #psychology #रिलेशनशिप #प्रेम #लग्न #विवाह #मानसशास्त्र #तरूण

It Asks For Two

There’s a connect here.
It asks for two to be present.

There’s a bond here.
It asks for two to want it.

There’s possibility of happiness here.
It asks for two to actualize it.

There’s certain pain here.
It asks for two to heal it.

There’s a cry here.
It asks for two pairs of ears to empathize.

There’s a need for introspection here.
It asks for two souls to agree to it.

There’s a want for betterment here.
It asks for two to feel it.

There’s some work to be done here.
It asks for four hands.

There’s a call for evolution here.
It asks for all four feet in it.

There’s love here.
It asks for two to be there.

Sure, you want to heal this relationship, dear. But you didn’t adopt this person. This one is your partner, not your baby. This isn’t a building you construct alone. This isn’t a dish you cook alone. This is a call you make. Makes sense when two are in it. To reciprocate. For without a response, a call is failed.
Stay in, if that call is answered with active participation.
But if it isn’t, know that you did your part. Take a deep breath of satisfaction that you stayed true to yourself, and then make a choice. You can get out. No need for guilt; the other person chose their path by refusing to reciprocate; it was their choice. Or you can still stay in, knowing that from now on it’s because YOU want it and it’s your call. Know that whatever you choose, it’s yours. Stay true to that call. Embrace the positives as well as negatives of that call.

#relation #relationship #love #couple #boyfriend #girlfriend #husband #wife #marriage #divorce #breakup #pain #relationship_issues #guilt #reciprocation #healing #relief #give_and_take #loss #ex #emotion #feeling #think #thought #awareness #understanding #counseling #psychology #choice

Deserved Happiness v/s “My Sad Friend”

“Teacher?”
“Yes, my child?”
“Is it wrong to be happy, when one’s friend isn’t?”
“Is it wrong to be sad, when one’s friend isn’t?”
“No. After all there’s a reason for sadness. Which makes it justifiable. Irrespective of others’ moods.”
“Wouldn’t the same apply to happiness?”
“Yes, teacher. I get it. But my friend is going through a breakup.”
“Is two people feeling sad over one’s breakup going to solve the problem?”
“No; but… Yesterday, my friend saw me happy over this job I got, and got a bit… angry at me for that. You know what, I knew this breakup would happen. I had told my friend that the person my friend was going out with wasn’t an integrated one.”
“And your friend decided to go for it anyway?”
“Yes.”
“My child, most people create their own troubles with lack of awareness and half-baked ideas. These people lack logical sense in their thoughts, which is equally seen in how they create those troubles as well as in how they deal with those troubles.”
“Such as?”
“Right now your friend is functioning with a false belief that one’s sadness must be copied by one’s friend; without processing that belief and checking its utility. Such people title that copying as “sharing”.”
“Isn’t that an expectation of empathy?”
“Crying a river over someone else’s sorrows isn’t always empathy; sensitivity differs to emotionality. Such people have a knack for imprinting their illogical nature onto other people – like you, in this case. Your friend displayed anger – a classic way to set a guilt trap for you.”
“Yes. I realise that now.”
“My child, a trap works only when we agree to step into it. One must stay true to logic, reason and rationale in one’s thought. You’re happy because you’ve taken efforts on your goals and they’ve come to fruition. Of course you’re entitled to that happiness. You deserve it. Of course a ton of other people will have a bunch of troubles at the same time you’re happy; some of them might be close to you. If you deny yourself happiness now, waiting for everyone else to be happy, then you’ll never be happy. Such a state would never come. Go out. Have a cake. Throw a party. Sing and dance. Enjoy what you’ve achieved; that’s why you wanted it in the first place. When your happiness is your own creation, know that you’re always, always entitled to have it.”
“Thank you, Teacher.”
“One last thing: next time, don’t wait for someone else’s permission to be happy. Today you sought mine, knowing full well that you deserved your happiness. Stay true to what you know by common sense.”

#happiness #joy #enjoyment #peace #satisfaction #achievement #accomplishment #fulfilment #friendship #relations #trouble #sadness #sharing #empathy #emotion #feeling #sympathy #social #people #self #self_help #care #caring #sensitivity #adult_ego #processing #awareness #understanding

Even When Together…

“It’s me.
And it’s my happiness.
I’m happy, for I wish to be.
It’s a choice I make.
I’m there for me and my happiness; for I can’t always assume someone else will be.

“Sure, you and I can be happy together.
But let’s remember that it’s same as two pals enjoying a meal at a restaurant.
We’ll have to order dishes we like individually; we’ll have to arrange the plates as per personal preferences; we’ll have to cut the pieces as per personal choice; we’ll have to chew the food individually; and decide on desserts as individual tastes demand.
You’ll remember that when I force you to have the food of my choice and wait eagerly for you to say something nice about it, you do; but then there’s that feel in your eyes and we both know you could’ve had something else and then the date would’ve been more enjoyable.

“Same goes with happiness.
It’s not always going to be the same dish two people enjoy. In fact, more often than people would like to accept, it’s about two people enjoying two different dishes; while enjoying each other’s company and companionship.
Togetherness is just about that companionship.
Happiness, in it, is always individual.

“I’m not advocating being a loner; don’t get me wrong.
But I don’t hold companionship responsible for my happiness either.
You and I, we like to think of ourselves as healthy minded people with self-respect and independency.
Then let’s bring it to conscious awareness that being independent and strong is about making one’s own choices; and happiness is one of those choices.
Even when together, let’s not place the burden of making that choice for each other on one another.”

– Monologue of a mind well-versed at living

(Please note that this post is NOT intended to apply to patients of Clinical Disorders; it’s an attempt to help persons who face non-clinical emotional challenges in life.)

#happiness #positive #joy #satisfaction #peace #relief #sadness #depression #mood #relationship #couple #social_life #relations #focus #understanding #awareness #empowerment #feeling #emotion #thinking #pain #lack #positive_stroke #adult_ego #TA

Who Do You Listen To?

They’re there.
They’re always there.
They used to have goals.
They don’t anymore.
They used to develop skills.
They stopped.
Today, they’re bitter shadows of a past that wasn’t too tasty to begin with.
They’re aware of their lack and loss.
They know they’re responsible for it.
They don’t want to face it.
It’s too dry and hard and painful.
They chicken out.
So they find ways to avoid it all.
One of those ways, is to trash-talk about others.
Criticism and judgment and taunts and comments and derisive laughs.
They either judge someone who hasn’t been successful; or they discredit those who who’re winning.
It’s anti-catharsis.
They seek audience for it.
They choose you.
Because you let them.
Because you think it’s polite to let people talk whenever and however they want to.
Don’t.
Have a check first.
Have a check about who they are and what’s the content of their speech.
Have a check about if it’s useful or harmful, full of decay and degeneration.
You aren’t a trash-bin.
You aren’t a facility for other people to puke their negativity out.
What you are depends on how you communicate; but that’s never just about what you speak. It’s about what you listen to, as well.
It’s your choice what you listen to; your choice defines your character.
Be aware of what you let people say to you; for negativity has a power to imprint itself on your psyche if you haven’t been cautious; and the last thing you want is to be another addition to the disordered souls of our society.
Be cautious, my friend.
Be cautious.

#communication #dialogue #power_of_word #speech #talks #gossip #criticism #judgment #derision #attitude #mockery #language #audience #listening #people #social #society #interpersonal #winner #loser #negative #positive #trash_talk #abuse #verbal_abuse #choice

Winner v/s Crowd: Winner wins.

There’s a crowd here.
It stinks of compulsive insecurity.
It reeks of pampered weakness.
It oozes with self-excused self-defeat.
It is ripe with jealousy and hatred.
For those who opted to be without it.

It’s not the insecurity; it’s the indiscipline leading to loss and fear, that hurts.
It’s not the weakness; it’s the laziness behind that weakness that hurts.
It’s not the defeat; it’s the rush to provide excuse for that defeat, that hurts.
It’s not the hatred; it’s the silly sentiment that keeps one engaged in friction and keeps one from progress, that hurts.

Many seek shelter here.
They’re lost; although they believe they’ve found a home in that crowd.
They love it here; for the crowd loves their indiscipline and laziness and arrogance and defeat. The crowd caresses their wounds; making sure those wounds shall never close. The wounds itch. They’ve developed a craving for that itch. They like that they bleed.

And then there’s the Winner.
The Winner is never seen in a crowd.
The Winner never opted to be a part of it.
The Winner saw its obvious dysfunctional nature; nauseating and discouraging and decaying.
They hate the Winner for it.
The Winner doesn’t care.

The Winner loves to stay disciplined.
The Winner loves to work on weaknesses without ever excusing them.
The Winner thinks independently; for the Winner knows no ideology and no ism and no text and no sect and no cult can provide the ultimate way of life for all.
The Winner knows such a way must be structured for one by oneself.
The Winner knows the value of independency; the Winner invalidates norms and standards and protocols that enslave many and profit few.
The Winner invalidates standard methods and traditions and routines forced by a pampered few under grandiose delusions.
The Winner acts independently; the Winner knows success is a result of an individualised style of walk on a consciously chosen path toward a personally selected goal.
The Winner communicates what’s useful to the goal; the Winner refuses to repeat what the pompous blurt out and the pious obey.
With thought, action and dialogue, the Winner exists as a Winner.

Winners win, by standing out boldly and being on their own bravely.

#success #goal #life_goal #win #winner #rebel #stand_out #bold #individual #independent #freedom #choice #thought #action #result #growth #crowd #ambition #aspiration #achievement #different #unique #focus #progress #development #creative #strength #weakness #laziness #excuse

Sharing: Natural is Sweet.

Sharing is beautiful.
Sharing is necessary.
Sharing is the whole purpose of it.
Sharing is relationship.
But what is sharing?

Sharing is intimacy.
A facility to exchange thoughts and feelings without the fear of judgment and criticism and unasked advices.
A provision to have a dialogue, with expected acceptance of one as he/she is; with esteemed appreciation that one shall always have one’s own approach and take on things and it’s OK that different people shall always have different feelings about the same situation.
Such a sharing is more about understanding rather than knowing; and it’s beautiful.

Question is, when does it become too much?
Answer is, it becomes too much and troublesome when the naturalness of sharing gives way to an obsessive compulsive demand.
A demand to inform.
A demand to listen.

Sometimes, we begin looking at our partners as if they are trash bins; there for us to dump the unnecessary loads we carry home from social lives and workplaces; hoping to “feel light” after we’re done. They come home; and without any bother about “how was your day?”, we launch into a “guess what happened today”, and on and on we go.
But do we consider that they’re humans with their own spaces and tasks and their own fatigue and stresses? Do we realise they might not always be in a space to take what we’re dumping on them? Do we take them for granted? Do we watch and observe, before we open mouths?

Similarly, sometimes it works the opposite.
Sometimes we make a demand that they must share everything with us.
Sometimes, insecurity steps in. Sometimes we believe that we must know every single trivial detail about our partners; and if we don’t know, we rush to declare they’re hiding something from us. We overreact, questioning the very foundation of our relationship.

Sure, it’s all about mutual trust; but there’s something about sharing that we all need to consider.
Importance levels of things differ from person to person. Even in a relationship, a person is entitled to place boundaries on what and how much should be shared; because it ultimately depends on that person’s individual mental setup. Some things are shared. Some things are processed on an individual level. Personal responses to situations differ – sharing is great when it happens but it can’t be demanded.

Relationship is something of a balance between what comes to us naturally and some settings we establish purposefully, with mutual agreements, for the betterment of the relation. So long as that sense of balance is maintained, we’re gold.

#love #relationship #couple #sharing #caring #being_together #partner #dating #live_in #breakup #relationship_goals #marriage #married_life #divorce #understanding #awareness #communication #dialogue #ex #boyfriend #girlfriend #husband #wife #intimacy #couple_therapy

Relationship: Matching Strengths or Pitting Weaknesses?

A relationship is a channel.
A channel to merge strengths.
A channel to make the best of what we are.
A channel to mix strengths two have unlocked in their lives.
A relationship is to express love with useful, positive, constructive structures.
Sure, there’s care.
But care is for acknowledgement and appreciation to what positivity our partners have in them.
Care isn’t an excuse to the other’s deficiencies and deficits; love isn’t an excuse to childishly seek refuge in another person to save oneself from one’s own weaknesses.
Most importantly, life isn’t about finding shelter for incompletions in self, born out of self-handicapping and glorified laziness and convenient self-excuses.
Relationship is about matching strengths, not pitting weaknesses against each other.

To that effect,
We need to be patient and work on ourselves first, so that we can be eligible for such a healthy facilitation in life.
And it’s all before we jump into a relationship.
It’s all before we rush to title a closeness as “love”.
It calls for awareness. Exploring, knowing, understanding strengths and weaknesses. Staying honest to the self about it.
Committing to growth and improvement; knowing, that the effort for that must come from ourselves.
Staying dedicated to the idea of continued efforts and scaling new heights and finding new depths within.
When two such bright rays of honesty and truth come together, they lead to successful love.

Others merely match weaknesses they pile up on each other and haggle like a bunch of sellers about how many “compromises” they’re making for each other, leading only to deficits and mistrust and loss of bondage. Be cautious.
Work on yourself first; so that you won’t have to work too much on the relationship later.

#love #couple #romance #relationship #boyfriend #girlfriend #dating #marriage #he #she #husband #wife #sex #trust #bondage #attraction #faith #strength #weakness #self #care #caring #being_there #be_there_for_you #success #relationship_goals #counseling #psychology

“Unnatural”

“Is it natural?”
“Did it happen in this universe?”
“Yes. Of course.”
“Then it must be natural.”
“But it doesn’t feel that way.”
“Keyword is ‘feel’, my friend.”
“Why?”
“Feeling is subjective to individual.”
“Meaning?”
“Do you like Dagwood Sandwich?”
“Sure. I love it.”
“I don’t. Tastes weird to me. Taste is a feel.”
“Which differs from me to you, yes?”
“Exactly. Same goes with everything.”
“Alright; so why doesn’t what happened feel natural to me?”
“It’s because it doesn’t fit in your personalized setting of what should be called natural. Eating out of a garbage can feels unnatural to us; for a homeless poor man it’s the daily natural sense of life. There’s no universal definition for anything; there can’t be. Everything is subjective. Everything is relative to the observer. We don’t just observe reality; we draw it; make it; paint it; title it. Things make sense the way we make them make sense. Since childhood, we try to process reality; but really we end up moulding our own stencils of natural and unnatural and moral and unethical and perfect and imperfect and success and failure. Most of us don’t see things as they are; they use their stencils and limit their own perspective. Sure; you’re entitled to your perceptions; but check if it’s helpful or self-defeating; for the limited perspectives limit our vision and, thus, growth too. Remember that there are sides to reality which may not always be immediately visible or comprehensible to us. Be open to reality as it is without biases and prejudices and stereotypes and compulsive judgement; keep exploring and processing; it’s important if you call yourself a student of life.”

#natural #unnatural #sense #understanding #perception #reality #perfect #flaw #purity #impure #truth #perspective #viewpoint #vision #awareness #bias #prejudice #stereotype #categorization #judgment #criticism #difference #subjective #individual #observation #relativity #open_minded

“Unselfish” Caring…

“Teacher?”
“Yes, my child?”
“I feel I’m at a loss.”
“And why is that so?”
“There’s someone I care for. Unselfishly.”
“Which is so nice of you.”
“But I notice certain deficits.”
“Such as?”
“Sometimes it feels like that person doesn’t have much regard for my care.”
“My child, what’s ‘regard’, in your definition?”
“I mean, that person sometimes just goes and does whatever pleases mind; doesn’t consult me first; doesn’t bother if it contradicts with what I warned earlier; and it feels like my try to connect with that person doesn’t get… reciprocation.”
“And why, exactly, that person should reciprocate in this particular fashion?”
“It’s because that person needs my care. Would be lost, if I wasn’t there.”
“Interesting. So you think a river would be lost if you weren’t there to drink from it?”
“What? I don’t understand… What?”
“My friend, the only person who ‘needs’ anything, out of this entire business of caring, is you. No-one else.”
“How can it possibly be me? I’m the one offering the care; not taking it. And I’m so unselfish about it.”
“Are you? My friend, are you telling me you get absolutely no payoff out of this care?”
“Well, I feel good. I feel warm. I feel satisfaction.”
“And, that is the purpose, my child. Once upon a time you found that you feel satisfaction out of caring for someone; you developed a liking for it. There’s nothing unselfish about anything that humans do. It’s biologically programed in our system. You were thirsty for that positive feel; you searched for a river to quench that thirst; and you found this person to care for. When you offer that care; you think you’re offering water to someone’s parched throat. Truth is, only parched throat here, is yours.”
“I understand. But it hurts when that person isn’t there.”
“Thing is, everyone is a river. A flow. It moves on. Irrespective of whether you’re there. Nobody needs anybody; life goes on as it was always meant to. Seasons change, sometimes rivers go dry. It’s not upto you to demand that a river must always be there for you. Sometimes it won’t be. Your care is a facility that you make available for someone; hoping to get the outcome of satisfaction out of it. And that’s it. You can’t turn it into a demand. It’s a wish; and it’s foolish to turn wishes into needs. It’s how we sabotage the whole process; it’s how we defeat ourselves. Be aware. Be conscious of your beliefs and actions. Care, if an opportunity presents itself; but be wise enough to step away when one isn’t there. If you wish to focus a continuous flow of care on someone, then you need only to look at the person you see in the mirror; for who said that person is perfect and complete? When no-one is there; there’s you; and there’s ample to do with that.”

#care #self #help #love #affection #friends #family #parenting #adult #support #communication #troubleshooting #problem #deficit #awareness #understanding #social #interpersonal #alone #lonely #flow #attraction #bondage #counseling #psychology #TA

Flexible? Or just Loose?

They smile nice.
They make a point of noticing you.
Pick you up separately out of a crowd.
Nod at you with a signature slow blink, make you feel you’re special.
They know how hook you up.

You have something in you.
No, not your abilities.
We’re talking about your need to get appreciation for those abilities.
They know about it.
They know how to cash on it.

They show you ways. Places. People.
Connections.
Nothing special for them; nothing apart from what’s easy for them, considering their riches and life settings. In fact, nothing special that you couldn’t have managed on your own, with a little patience and versatile thinking and improvement in communication.
But they know how to make it appear special to you. They know how to make you feel they’ve taken great pains to avail those facilities to you.
They know how to make you feel you owe them.

Sometimes, they avail nothing to you at all. And yet, simply by acknowledging your existence, they make you feel you should crave for their company; because nobody else has ever done that for you and it feels warm and nice when they do.

And then comes the “ask”.
Something uncomfortable. Something unsettling. Something dark and twisted and bleak. Something questionable. Playing with the boundaries between ethical and immoral. Swiftly passing forward to downright sinful.
Something you know you should say no to.
Except you don’t.

It’s because saying no feels more uncomfortable than saying yes, somehow.
All that “special” attention and appreciation and admiration calls to you.
Can’t let it go, can you?
You say yes. You do the deed.
And while they laugh their asses off about it, you place yourself nice and easy over a trapdoor that’ll open any moment now and plunge you to a bottomless abyss of loss and fall and pain and suffering and defeat and humiliation and dark future.

First and foremost, walk out of that stupid belief that you “need” people’s appreciation. It’s not working for you. Learn to be there for yourself.
Second, stop falling for what people show and scan what they actually are. Analyse them. Study them. Observe them. Identify who they really are. Check what they do to you and others; what part of human mind they use; why; to what effect; for which purpose. Know how they’ve gotten to what they are today in their lives. Don’t let the degrees and certificates and trophies dazzle you. Check the mechanism. A person is what a person uses in life to be what that person becomes. Don’t be a cog in someone else’s machinery. Be your own person. You’re entitled to maintain your standards and your principles in life. Don’t glorify being loose in character in the name of flexibility.

#principles #standards #ethics #morality #morals #rationale #company #friends #peer #peer_pressure #domination #influence #affect #manipulation #use #taking_advantage #appreciation #approval #craving #social #people #players #rich #business #character #life #identity #self #awareness #caution

Inner Child v/s Being Childish

“Let’s be ourselves.”
And, “Let’s go wild.”
There’s a difference.

“Let’s have some ice cream.”
And, “Go get me ice cream.”
There’s a difference.

“Let’s be carefree.”
And, “Let’s be careless.”
There’s a difference.

“Let’s loosen up a bit.”
And, “Let’s forget about it altogether.”
There’s a difference.

“Let’s do it to celebrate our love.”
And, “Let’s do it because everybody else does.”
There’s a difference.

“Let’s laugh for it’s really a funny scene.”
And, “Let’s laugh even when it’s an emotional scene.”
There’s a difference.

“Let’s find our strengths together.”
And, “Let’s be as weak as we are and title it acceptance.”
There’s a difference.

“Let’s express ourselves as we are.”
And, “Let’s keep mouthing off without any regard for others’ feelings and call it ‘freedom of speech'”.
There’s a difference.

“Let’s be a channel for emotions.”
And, “Let’s have senseless meltdowns and screams and expect each other to be there as a trash bin to mutely take it all.”
There’s a difference.

“Let’s accept that we need our personal spaces.”
And, “Let’s take each other for granted; miss dinner dates without any calls; keep each other waiting without any word; and then say ‘try to understand'”.
There’s a difference.

There’s, a huge, huge difference.

#love #couple #romance #relationship #feelings #being_together #boyfriend #girlfriend #marriage #husband #wife #inner_child #childish #responsibility #sense #maturity #Adult_Ego_State #drama #psychology #counseling #couple_therapy #sex #awareness #understanding #emotions #behavior

Big Brother

There was a dog.
There was a cat.
And there was enmity.

The dog was mighty.
The cat was nasty.
A contest was pure of purpose, although with absence of reason.
Nature’s program. To be accepted and obeyed without question.
The dog wanted to kill. A crave.
The cat wanted to survive. A drive.

They fought.
They drew blood.
Wounds opened and reopened. Repeatedly.
The dog would get so close to victory, only to lose to the cat’s speed. It was frustrating. And humiliating.

Need gave birth to a development.
The dog called its elder brother.
Who was experienced and smart.
The big brother taught things.
Useful things.
They observed the cat.
Pretty soon, patterns emerged.
Analysis was undertaken.
Weaknesses were understood.
Plans were drawn out.
The cat was stealthy.
But the dog was smart.

One day, the dog triumphed.
The cat was torn to shreds.
The dog celebrated.
Confident and high on the toxin of victory.

Few days later, the dog turned a corner and had a breathtaking sight. It couldn’t believe its eyes.
The cat was right there, waiting for the dog. Alive and well. And bigger in size.
How could it be? The dog had never seen cats this big. Bigger than the dog.
In the creature’s eyes, the dog saw a reflection of what it imagined its own eyes must’ve displayed whenever it hunted the cat.
The crave. To kill.
Purity of purpose. In the absence of reason. Nature’s program.
The dog took it in stride. So what that it somehow survived?
The dog knew its patterns.
What worked before shall work again.
But there was the cat’s size to consider.
Alright. It knew who to call.
It barked. Knowing the big brother would come running.

Except it didn’t hear the brother’s replying bark.
And then the big cat opened its jaws.
A silent display. A display without roars.
Full of a message. Soul-shattering and gut-wrenching message.
The big cat’s incisors were wet with fresh blood, recently chewed meat still hanging between the gaps.
The smell of the meat hit the dog. Brain made certain connections.
It was the familiar smell of its brother.
Shredded to pieces in those big incisors.
Tasted. And loved how it tasted. Encouraging more hunger.
For the first time, the dog felt what the little cat must’ve felt all those times.
The feel of being tiny. And helpless.
And afraid.
Then the big cat pounced. No roars.
Purity of purpose.
“Things change. They grow. I should’ve too,” thought the dog as the last thought it’d ever have.

#life #survival #success #family #charisma #change #circumstances #situation #adaptation #evolution #progress #effort #self #predator #prey #hunt #struggle #big #fallen #conquer #fight #awareness #new #pride #innocence #growth #experience #wisdom #independence #network

We Know Nothing

To know, is to fill up.
To fill up, is to be empty first.
To be empty, is to understand what we are.

We are a function. A process.
We are a moment in a continuum.
We are in a constant flux.
A state of change, a shift, a phase, is what we are.

We make reality as we go.
Reality makes us in turn.
What we know is merely a past.
Lost already. Insignificant already.
To know more, is to know the present; which we have no idea about.
To know more, is to know that we know nothing. Yet.

Fools try to understand present with what they know from the past.
As a result they only end up superimposing past on present.
They blind themselves with what they remember of the past; it obstructs their vision and keeps them from processing the present as it is.
They never know; for they corrupt the data they receive with obsolete encoding; keeping themselves away from turning that data into understanding.

The present is new. It’s alive.
It’s unknown. And it’s the only time that truly affects us.
Eckhart Tolle explains the power of now.
We must die to the past immediately.
We must be there to receive the present with an empty cup.
We must watch, listen, taste, smell, feel the present as it’s poured in our cup.
We must be attentive; and curious; with no biases and prejudices.
We must let the present imprint itself on us with full appreciation of its novelty and detachment from the past.
We must be like children.
With no past. But understanding a lot.

#know #knowledge #present #past #future #understanding #study #analysis #wisdom #experience #memory #transference #attention #biases #prejudices #curious #empty #new #unique #novelty #detachment #awareness #process #phase #change #learning #student

The Urge To Criticize…

“You’re a failure.”
“I see.”
“You failed in everything.”
“I see.”
“Will you stop eating that stupid sandwich? I’m talking to you.”
“No. You’re mouthing off at me.”
“And you deserve it.”
“I see.”
“I told you to go for technical education. You opted for arts.”
“Shocking….”
“Shut up. You could’ve been rolling in money right now. But no.”
“Exactly. Rolling. Tumbling. Head over heals. Unlike the little but stable money I have now.”
“Ha! Glorification of poverty. No wonder you’re still single.”
“You mean money gets you hooked up with people? Is that what a relationship is? A business?”
“Umm, I – I didn’t say that…”
“But you implied that. You link money with relationship; I hear a transaction, not love, not caring, not bonding.”
“You know what, if you’re such a smarty pants, why haven’t you gotten anywhere in life?”
“That’s probably because people who think they’ve gotten anywhere in life are rolling and tumbling and getting tossed around with money; worried about how long they can play this drama; and their relationships depend on how much bank-balance they’ve got. Being somewhere in life, as defined by you, my dear, doesn’t seem that great to me.”
“It’s impossible to talk with you.”
“Oh, hardly, dear. We can talk great. It’s just that I don’t provide audience to criticism by people, especially the one with which they camouflage their own insecurity and need to uplift their self-esteem.”
“What do you mean?”
“Dear, you and I are whole different people. Everyone is. No need to judge and evaluate me as per your scales. Am I happy? Well, I’m eating this sandwich right now and that makes me happy in this moment. Happiness can only be quantified with what we feel any given moment; for moments change. Sure, my life ain’t ideal; it ain’t perfect; but it’ll never be. Perfect life is an illusion. Everyone, same as you and I, try to reach somewhere close to it, at our own pace. The pace varies; so does the path. We all know it. You know it. And yet you’re crap-talking with me; it tells me you have your own issues and you’re trying to deal with them by scaling my life against yours and pointing out all those things you think I lack. You think it’ll help you see that your life is ‘better’ than me; you’re hoping to walk out of here with a resumed sense of good self-esteem. It’s a faulty way to give yourself positive strokes, dear. It won’t work. Stop comparing my life with yours; stop telling yourself you worry about me; you don’t. Worry about why you need to do this and work on that. All the best to you.”

#communication #dialogue #speech #positive_strokes #transactional_analysis #TA #criticism #judgment #evaluation #talk #achievement #life #happiness #stability #mentality #understanding #awareness #psychology #parent_ego_state #adult_integration #self #self_esteem #stroke_economy

You’re One Damn Good Human Being

You’re here. Appreciate that.
You came so far. Appreciate that.
You fought so far. Appreciate that.
You won so far. Appreciate that.

You still love. Appreciate that.
You still care. Appreciate that.
You still feel compassion. Appreciate that.
You still try understanding. Appreciate that.

You have your strength. Appreciate that.
You know your weakness. Appreciate that.
You work on it. Appreciate that.
You desire betterment. Appreciate that.

You’re unique. Appreciate that.
You’re one among many. Appreciate that.
You’re one different than any. Appreciate that.
You’re you. Appreciate that.

You still water the plants. Appreciate that.
You still feed animals. Appreciate that.
You leave water for birds. Appreciate that.
You help the elderly. Appreciate that.

You say no; but you still hope. Appreciate that.
You say no; but you still try. Appreciate that.
You say no; but you still fight on. Appreciate that.
You say no; but you’re one damn good human being.
Appreciate that.

#self #person #love #care #help #hope #desire #betterment #self_respect #improvement #understanding #passion #compassion #wish #positive #acceptance #appreciation #admiration #love_thyself #self_help #self_care #yourself #confidence #depression #problems #attitude #healing

Caring…

Caring for someone is an offering.
To self.

A specific setup in the self triggers it.
An urge. A drive.
To express itself with its human essence, and fulfil the want of its human potential through that expression.
The medium used for that, is love.
And help. And being there for someone.
By being there for them at the right time and right place, we try to become maximum of what we can be.
Ultimately, it’s fulfillment of the self.

Which begs two questions.

First question.
Can someone be forced to provide that caring? Can it be demanded? If it’s demanded, it’s implied that it isn’t available. If it isn’t available, it means the self of that person doesn’t have that wish. That urge. That drive. It’d be like expecting a desert to grow a forest.

Can it be programmed? Can compassion be structured as an algorithm? Can love? Can kindness? Maybe. With careful management of certain parameters, deserts are known to artificially spawn little forests. Nice. Then again, can we expect a full spectrum of flora and fauna in that forest, at par with a natural counterpart of that forest? That’s asking too much. And there we see the limit that basically defeats the whole purpose. Because caring cannot be limited to terms and conditions. It’s supposed to be a self-evolving drive that builds up, actually, instead of drying out, by its utilization. Expecting full warmth of caring from someone who doesn’t have that drive is same as expecting mangoes in a hardware store.

And no, titles don’t generate those drives. Becoming husbands and wives and partners doesn’t automatically create those streams. Remember that these are titles we place on certain people. Drives are original. They need to be. Let’s check whether people are compatible with what those titles mean, BEFORE we nail down the name-plates on relationships.

Second question.
Can someone be forced to accept given care? Can a person who isn’t thirsty be forced to drink from a river? Does it make any sense? Well, human mind demands caring to be seen as a transaction, rather than an offering. That thought process might be more defeating than nurturing. What’s offered cannot be demanded to be accepted. People refuse. They do. Some of them. It’s not necessary to declare that they’re being egoistic about it. It’s not necessary to declare that they have intimacy issues. Some of them do, sure; but let’s not overgeneralize here.

Some of them know they aren’t complete. But they prefer to build their own houses rather than hiring workers for that. They prefer to explore themselves rather than taking dictations from someone else to know who they are; and what their strengths can be. They know others mean well; but others are mere humans. They know that these wannabe care-givers have their own perceptions about the supposed care-starving souls; and taking those perceptions granted as ultimate truth of who they are may seem troublesome to these people who refuse the offered care.

In certain cases, caring implies that “I care for you because you can’t care for yourself”. Sometimes, overprotective nature is mistaken for caring. Sometimes, negating other people’s potential is camouflaged as “caring”. People have problems with that kind of attitude. And they’re entitled to choose what part of that caring they want. Yes, it’s a choice. Everything is.

Let’s offer care, if we feel so.
Let’s ask for it, if we deem so.
But let’s remember.
It’s an offering. It can’t be forced.
It’s beautiful when it’s offered.
And not so much when it’s demanded.

#love #relationship #care #caring #help #support #connection #bond #trust #faith #couple #married #boyfriend #girlfriend #husband #wife #dating #emotion #feeling #thinking #belief #mind #heart #soul #human #humanity #drive #self #understanding #awareness

Caring for someone is an offering.
To self.

Which begs two questions.

Way Too Many Smileys

A laugh is an expression.
But is it also a call?
To the other person, to laugh in unison?
With equal measure and intensity?
Do we see it that way?
Do we need it to be that way?
Do we see all expressions that way?
Is there a desperation in that call?
Is that why, sometimes, we overdo it?
Over-friendliness during conversations?
Compulsive jokes during serious discussions? Too many back-slaps? And way-too-many smileys in text?
Is all of that an urge to people to respond in kind? A hope that’s a demand, really?
Sure; it feels good when that happens.
But do we make a compulsion out of it?
Is that why, we call to others more than we voice ourselves, when we express?
Do we voice our feelings, or is it that we voice our need to get those feelings heard and responded to, equally?
Do we turn our expressions into compulsive demands for positive strokes?
Is that why we feel a deficit when it doesn’t happen?
Is that why we feel sad and a bit of frustration and anger when we don’t get the stroke we hoped for?

Does it have something to do with our belief that our happiness is something to be “given” to us by others?
Is there that connection?
Are we unconsciously placing the anchor of our happiness in others’ hands, without asking them if they want that task or without seeing if they’re even ready for it?

Are we taking people for granted?
Do we really have a right to take offense when they don’t respond in kind?
Can we really make them?
Do we know what space they are in, at the moment? Do we know what happened to them in the morning? Previous evening? In their relationships and careers and finances? Do we stop for one moment and realise that they might not be in that mood right now? Do we know that they’re entitled to choose their spaces when they communicate with us?

Expression is just a voice-out.
When we make a call-out out of that, we might be booby-trapping our mental mechanism of gaining positive strokes.
Sure, we feel the desire for appreciation from others and there’s nothing wrong with that; but the desperation shows we’re forgetting something fundamental:
We’re responsible for our own happiness.
Ultimately.
In the end.
Let there be expression. But let it be genuine. And true. Original. Healthy. Without a compulsive and obvious need to get it answered.
Maybe the reason people don’t connect with our call is they don’t see that trueness to the voice in that call.
Maybe, we need to put the soul back in the expression.

#communication #dialogue #talk #speech #positive #stroke #transactional_analysis #TA #reciprocation #response #reaction #comment #feedback #appreciation #admiration #approval #acceptance #social #society #people #word #language #expression #emotion #feeling #thinking #mood #personal_space #deficit

“Why Can’t The World Be Me?”

“Is it wrong to be good?”
“Is it right to be crooked?”
“No.”
“Then the opposite mustn’t be true.”
“It’s not so simple as that, Teacher.”
“Then you mustn’t quantify it with simple words like right and wrong, son.”
“What deeper words must I choose?”
“Let’s explore first, before we put words to things.”
“I’m a good person.”
“Again, a simplification.”
“Alright. I’m a kind, soft-spoken, helpful person.”
“Which doesn’t get reciprocated by others.”
“Exactly. It hurts. Is it wrong, what I do?”
“If you must stick to that word, then so be it. Tell me. What makes things ‘wrong’, in your opinion?”
“Their consequences.”
“Which implies that your niceties are the cause that result into people’s failure in responding to those niceties in kind?”
“Yes.”
“Let’s process that. Make some calligraphy in wet clay and dry sand. Which would last and which wouldn’t?”
“The one in clay would last. Sands wouldn’t be so kind.”
“Why?”
“It’s… in the nature of clay and sand.”
“Exactly. So the nature of things is the cause behind how an action taken on them shall result. Do you see?”
“Yes. I do. I’m not the cause and I shouldn’t hold myself responsible. But it hurts when people don’t reciprocate.”
“That’s because you’ve placed it in such a configuration in your mind, son.”
“What does that mean, Teacher?”
“Do you help others, expecting rewards in kind?”
“No… But it’d feel nice if they did…”
“That right there is the root. You’ve placed the anchor of your happiness in others’ hands. And then you complain when they toss that anchor away. When you help, remember that it’s because it’s what YOU want, and not for they asked it. You help because YOU want to. And that’s that. Your happiness resides in that action; not in its reciprocation. When you expect rewards in kind, you reduce things to a mere scaling of your capacities for maturity pitted against their capacities. Helping isn’t like a Kung-fu exhibition match, my son. You and the other person aren’t two fighters, trained equally, expected to display skills in equal measure. Helping is helping. It’s not a competition. Don’t turn it into one. It’s an offering, not an input for a transaction. You make your offering, and you leave it to Nature to do with it as it pleases. Your reward, is the warmth of righteousness and humanity you feel in the act.”
“Tank you, Teacher. That’s new for me. I’ll process that.”

#help #care #support #mature #love #good #goodness #kind #nature #offering #rescue #understanding #awareness #maturity #social #society #righteous #reason #rationale #moral #ethics #human #humanity #interpersonal #capacity #mind #strength #reciprocation #feelings #emotion

“Alone”? No, Independent.

People are nice. But not always.
People are helpful. But not always.
People are positive. But not always.
People are supportive. But not always.

You have a goal.
You chose it. You were inspired for it.
You asked for it.
Remember that inspiration will always beat motivation as a drive to move forward.

Some see motivation as a replacement for inspiration. They see others as sources for that motivation, and set booby-traps for their own progress.

Compulsively being with others exposes you to an assortment of threats to your progress.
Not the least of which is, the fact that you grow dependent on their motivation and you fall flat on your face when it isn’t there.
Besides, not all of them are there to encourage you.
Most of them see your thirst for their appreciation; they know how to use it for their entertainment.
They can begin judgment, criticism, taunts, mockery and derisive laughs; because they know it’ll push you harder to win their appreciation; and watching you scooting everywhere for that is great fun.

Don’t depend on others, friend.
And surely don’t be a fun for others.
You aren’t in this to be a clown; you aren’t a circus animal.
You’re here for your own future; and it’s nobody else’s business but your own.
Be there for yourself.
Learn to depend on yourself.
You’re enough; it’s a delusion that you “need” others. Being social is a desire; don’t turn it into an obsession that becomes a need and cripples you.
Stay true to who you are; let only those who can see it and appreciate it be there for you.
They’ll be one or two; or maybe no-one, even. It’s OK.
It’s your life. Live it for it’s yours.

Sometimes, a tree grows great in a land where no other seed took roots.

#success #growth #goals #objective #ambition #aspiration #inspiration #motivation #dreams #fight #effort #struggle #encouragement #support #caring #alone #lonely #positive #thinking #individual #self #selfism #independent #dependency #achievement #accomplishment #progress #result

Myth of a “Leader”

They say they want development.
What they truly want, is entertainment.

They say you’re their leader.
What they truly see, is an entertainer.

They say you’ll get them out of their pit.
What they truly want, is to remain in it.

They say they’re rotting in that misery.
Truth is, its comfort zone is a tasty curry.

They say your words give them hope.
Thing is, sensationalism is like dope.

They love you now, for you get them high.
Until the next one comes, makes them fly.

They change leaders, for they want new.
Good entertainers, are never a few.

If they wanted progress, they’d have acted.
Inspiration beats motivation; no leader is needed.

Hunger gives men wings; makes them fly.
Nobody is victim here; just laziness in cry.

World is locked with “leader” and “follower”.
Bodies are rich with abilities; but minds are poor.

Self-leadership is the key to reach the peak.
It’s survival of the fittest, elimination of the weak.

No one leads; no one follows.
Progress is a call to self, and hearing its echoes.

#leader #follower #progress #development #improvement #betterment #poverty #ruler #rich #poor #mindset #mentality #awakening #awareness #understanding #focus #self #social #society #entertainment #public #democracy #election #choice #leadership #control #coliseum #gladiator #politics #vision

The “Want”

Doggedly.
Like a dog behind a bone that’s still unreachable.
Relentless. Obsessed, yet with variety of tries without fail.
It’s the want, you see. The desire.
It drives the dog; gives wings to its imagination; brings new ideas and concepts in its mind and helps in their implementation.

That’s what you need to be.
But first, know what you truly want; because you work beyond any need for motivation only for what you truly love.
And you win only when you act with inspiration, and without need for external encouragement.

You know what it is.
You’ve always known.
Stay true to it.
It takes balls to stay true to it.
You have only one life. Don’t waste it “trying” to love something else you know you’ll never truly love. It won’t work and you’ll burn out.
Sure, no pain no gain; but the gain in itself needs to be something you genuinely want; only then it guides you through the pain and show you how to utilize that pain.

Stay true to the want.

#success #growth #want #desire #goal #liking #aptitude #inspiration #motivation #ambition #dreams #aspiration #achievement #accomplishment #hobby #career #job #business #struggle #fight #pain #gain #wayout #path #burnout #true #positive #thinking #love #action

“You Don’t Understand…”

Granted, I don’t understand.
Make me.

Granted, I’m not in your shoes.
Place me.

Granted, I’m not living your life.
Show me.

Granted, I haven’t seen what you have.
Tell me.

Granted, I have limits.
Help me.

I’m here.
Waiting.
Hoping.
That you’ll be there too.
Sure, you can’t always. I get it.
But, never?
How come there’s always work?
How come you’re always late?
How come you’re always occupied?
How come each phone call is important?
Are you sending satellites in deep space?
Exploring quantum mechanics, are we?
What is it, that I always fail to understand?

My question isn’t about why you aren’t there today. It’s about, how come you SAID you’ll be, you PROMISED, and yet you aren’t, and you’re saying “you don’t understand”, and how it repeats every single time?

Thing is, OF COURSE I understand.
I understand that you aren’t what you like to think you are.
I understand that you have limits you have always caressed and cherished and pampered.
I understand that you have a ton of managerial skills you need to learn, and you haven’t.
I understand that you like to think you’re in control of everything, until life tells you that you aren’t.
I understand that you need to work on yourself.
You thought I don’t? Oh, dear, I do.
I understood long ago.

What I don’t understand is,
Exactly at what point you thought this relationship is a space for you to take for granted.
Exactly at what point you thought I’m here to lay your excuses on.
Exactly at what point you thought “understanding” and “accepting” means letting our partner throw their laziness, self-excuses, self-defeating childhood habits, on our head.

It’s not the weakness that I don’t get, honey.
Oh I get it. Perfectly.
And I’m here to help you work on it.
We’ll do it together.
In my vocabulary, “acceptance” means “it’s there; it’s hurting; let’s solve it together”.
But do yourself a favor and don’t tell me to “understand” it’ll be there because YOU’LL LET IT BE THERE, and I’m just gonna have to agree to get bullied by it, in the name of loving, caring, accepting you.

That, love, is what I’ll never understand.
Because I do.

#relationship #love #couple #care #boyfriend #girlfriend #marriage #married #premarital #live_in #partner #breakup #divorce #thought #hurt #pain #taken_for_granted #issues #therapy #counseling #psychology #romance #understanding #acceptance #personal_space #bullyism

Choose to Win

Success is a choice to fail repeatedly.
Relentlessly.
Until the result is different.

Failure is a choice.
Success is a choice.
One choice is to stop.
Another, is to continue.

Failure is there, all the way, until it isn’t.
Failure is there, each moment we aren’t where we want to be in life.
We are afraid of failure.
It’s because we fail to understand it.
We think it’s in our future.
We think past will copy in future.
So we cease action. We halt.
We try to save ourselves from dealing with it, by freezing ourselves in the present inaction.
Except, the present is full of failure.
We are in it. Right now.
Dreams are still dreams.
Hopes are still wishes.
Fight is already lost; it’ll remain lost until it’s not won.
We are in failure.

Our choice dictates what happens now.
Failure is a choice of agreement to the present situation.
We can agree to let it be a permanency.
A failed match. A failed exam. A failed project. A failed venture.
They’re failures because they’re all agreements to failure.
We stay down on the floor.
We stop writing.
We stop acting.
We stop walking.
Or we can choose to continue.
Another round. A choice to get back on feet. A choice to keep writing. A choice to explore more and act differently. A choice to take a gulp of water and get back in the trek.

Winning is agreement to keep fighting the war even when present battle is lost.

#success #failure #growth #winner #leader #ambition #goals #dreams #hope #inspiration #motivation #focus #awareness #present #struggle #fight #effort #push #limits #ability #strength #relentless #path #achievement #gains #spirit #resilience #mindset #positive #thinking

You & I

“I find you cool.
I can be comfortable around you.
I want to talk.
I want to open up.
About my personal life.
I know you won’t judge.
I feel comfortable sharing.

“But you don’t, I’ve noticed.
You hold back.
You have certain reservations.
You listen when I talk. You nod politely.
If I ask, you have nice advices too.
But you don’t share your life.
Not a whole lot comes from your side.

“I want you to know that I understand.
I wouldn’t have; not in the past.
But now I do.
I get that we’re people.
Not nations.
Nations have exact borders.
People don’t.
Two people have two different boundaries.
Unless they exclusively decide upon an exact common line between them.
What I think of you is all just me.
I have no right to assume it’s all the same with what you think of me too.
I’m one system. You’re another.
We come from different places.
We come from different spaces.
Different pasts. Different building blocks.
Different people; different personalities.

“I feel cool around you; because I’m comfortable with what you make available for me.
I make the same available too, for you; but I know – whether you want to use it, depends on you. You reserve that right.

“So. I guess what I want to say is, I’m here.
In case. If you want me to.
If not, it’s OK.
In past I’d have judged you; not now.
I guess your past has made you into a river.
You let someone drink from you; but you don’t expect them to pour some water back in that river. Your flow is your own.
Impressive.

Really.”

#relationship #help #sharing #care #caring #dialogue #communication #social #society #personal_space #interpersonal #bond #past #friend #connect #love #attraction #people #personality #character #mind #comfort_levels #open_up #counseling #psychology

Winners Versus Haters

Winners have fans.
Winners have haters.
Sometimes, the latter outnumber the former. There’s a reason.

Winning doesn’t fit in norms.

Norms demand fitting in the crowd.
Winners don’t.
Norms demand following the herd.
Winners don’t.
Norms demand submission to traditional approaches.
Winners don’t.
Norms demand self-handicapping. And spreading on useless beliefs. And finding excuses for weaknesses. And glorifying limits.
Winners don’t.

Losers do.
They stick to norms.
They agree to be faceless chunks in an indescribable crowd. Why? There’s a reason.

They lack independent strength born out of independent thought. They know it. They know they can’t win. They know they don’t want to; not really; for the walk is too uncomfortable and the appeal of comfort in failure is too attractive. They know failure is the only possible outcome of their life; they make it their purpose. But failing alone makes them insecure. They need a group. Insecurity calls for rushing to the shelter of a herd. The herd is born out of isms. And self-convenient ideologies. And self-sustaining philosophies. The herd rushes headlong toward self-destruction. At an unconscious level, that tendency appeals to weak minds. They love the idea of fall. They love the idea of taking everyone down with them. They expect everyone else to fall; for they don’t want to do it alone. They can’t let anyone walk away from that fall. Even when a single soul escapes the herd and applies individual thought, even when a single soul displays that it can be done and one can work on oneself in one’s personal space and one can actually win, the weak see the truth they don’t want to; the truth about their laziness and senselessness; the truth about actions they should be taking but chose not to; the truth about misplaced beliefs and false gods and false leaders; the truth they hoped to trample under the feet of their herd; and they hate the winner for it.

By winning, winners reveal no secret of success.
They just reveal the obvious truth of pampered weaknesses that need to be shedded; and that truth hurts.
That’s why there’s this hatred.

It’s alright.
Expecting praise from a worm for the flight of an eagle is stupidity.
Know that when you win, it’s because you wanted to; and the only appreciation you need, is your own. Keep winning.

#success #goals #win #winner #leader #follower #individual #independent #self #selfism #ambition #objective #growth #accomplishment #appreciation #admiration #awareness #acceptance #failure #loss #defeat #struggle #fight #approach #attitude #mindset #strength #empowerment #jealousy #different

Be The Best Samurai

“Best samurai is the one who never needs to draw his sword.”
– Japanese proverb

There are defendants.
They get attacked.
They retaliate. They try.
There are warriors.
They get attacked.
They counterstrike. They try.
Battles are won and lost.
Only to be fought again.
Causes and effects.
A mathematical causality, leading to pain and loss and misery and suffering.
To escape it, means to understand a truth.
It means to understand the very first link in that cause.
The one about your weaknesses.
Those weaknesses which invite an attack.

You’ve always asked, “why?” in shock, when one has ever attacked you.
It was your try to find logic in irrationality.
As per you, it was an uncalled-for attack.
You had hurt no-one; ever. You thought that should’ve kept you from any assault.
Except it didn’t.

The reason, really, was always in Darwin’s theory of evolution.
“Survival of the weakest. Elimination of the weak.” Nature has no care for the righteous and the wicked. Nature only bothers about who’s fit for survival and who isn’t. The fact that you got attacked indicates that you weren’t. Elimination of the weak is an activity; activities need tools; hence there are invaders and bullies in the world. This isn’t glorification of war; this is understanding of Nature’s ways; purpose is to counteract against it with awareness and have a healthy life with peace.

Remember that true fitness and strength lies in fortification of the self. It’s not in actuality of fight; it’s in ability for one. It’s not in counterstrike; it’s in capacity for one. It’s not in the use of weapons; it’s in their presence that acts as a deterrent.
One must invest energy, focus and time to add new strengths and learn new skills and develop the volume of one’s potential. It must be varied and yet synchronized as a unified stream of power that one can control with a firm will of life.
One’s existence should become an embodiment of inner strength that needs no actual attack to express itself. It deters bullies. Hyenas might troubles tigers but they avoid elephants. Once one accomplishes that, one can lead a constructive and creative life and prove it to Nature that one is fit for life. True victory lies in never needing to fight again.

#strength #power #ability #capacity #progress #development #improvement #betterment #protection #defense #fortification #win #victory #defeat #failure #invasion #bully #bullyism #gains #self_defense #attack #counterstrike #armor #strategy #tactical #warfare #awareness #battle #growth

“Greater Good…” Ha!

There are profiteers.
There are always profiteers.
Insecure. And greedy.
Calling their insecurity their “drive”.
Calling their greed their “ambition”.
They want.
They always have a want.
Unquenchable want.
And they want it all.
To have it all. To own it all.
They have their justifications for it.
Self-convenient ideologies.
Self-sustaining philosophies.
About why one should control many.
They get it from history.
From those insecure madmen of history the rot of whom historians couldn’t help glorify since ages.
Alexander the Insecure.
They call him Alexander the Great.
He thought he should have it all.
He thought it was rational; knowing deep down it wasn’t; couldn’t be.
He failed.
And there was Genghis Khan.
“I’m a god-sent. If I’m coming for you, then you must’ve done something evil and you deserve my punishment.”
How freaking self-convenient, isn’t it?
This man killed millions.
Turned lands to cemeteries.
And then there have always been those who had a fetish to explain why such thought and behavior was correct.
They’ve always used terms like “greater good”, “cumulative good”, “big picture”, to justify wars and tyranny.
They claim it “corrects” a society – the oppressed one; and “helps flourish” another – the dominant one.
They provide examples. About how tyrant nations are the richest ones.
Sure they are. But is everyone in those nations rich? Really?
Or is it that only a few are, while the rest live off the heat of glamor the actual rich display to the world?
Human race has always fallen prey to Stockholm Syndrome. When we get bullied too much, we eventually develop love for our oppressors; we try to save them, help them, cherish them, we worship them, call them gods, find rationale in their hideous violence, find their cruelty as the ultimate truth of life to submit our will to.
They win, because we the fools let them.
Stop.
Please stop.
Enough.
Let’s stop this self-defeating sadness.
Let’s get out of the stupid compulsion of either leading or following.
Let’s employ self-leadership.
Let’s be there for ourselves; and we need no doctrines to live this life.
Let’s be individuals and let’s develop the uniqueness of that individuality.
Let’s focus within.
Let’s unlock our self potentials; we need no-one to submit their will to our ideas; nor do we need to kneel to someone else’s way of life.
So long as we all find our own strengths in our own space, we won’t need to exploit others; and our individuality shall present no threat to others.
We won’t have to submit to the pathetic glorifications of war; we’ll have something bigger than wars bringing a sad and brittle peace.
If one must lead, then one must lead oneself. No followers and no submissions are necessary.

#war #battle #fight #violence #bully #bullyism #oppression #exploitation #profit #business #tyranny #dominance #philosophy #ideology #self #individual #society #nation #fascism #ism #socialism #communism #imperialism #glorification #doctrine #independence #strength #leadership #followers #ambition

The Toddler Guru

We’re most positive when we’re toddlers.
We have no care for what others think.
We have no past to superimpose on the present and worry about future.
We have a continuous huger for new things and explorations and new attempts.
We don’t know math; so we don’t make stupid counts of “how many times I’ve tried”.
We are at it, relentless.
In pursuit of what’s unknown and what asks for new strengths.

Do we realise, now, what a monumental accomplishment it was then?
Learning to run full-scale, when just three years back it wasn’t even possible to get up?
Learning an entire language with fluid speech, when just three years back it was all mere gurgle?
Do we realise, now, what a great potential for growth we’ve always had? How beautiful it is?

Many think it goes away.
It goes nowhere; we hide it away.
We bury it deep inside. With silly layers of past insults and criticism and self-pity.
Growth halted; for we let other people with no growth dictate our paths.
Progress halted; for we began giving a damn about what the past “taught” us and what people think of us.

Truth is, past isn’t there.
It says nothing.
Every day is unique and different and new.
With its own possibility.
We need no stencils of the past to look at the present; for yesterday’s stencils were obsolete by the time last evening rolled over; they are simply useless and using them today is so illogical, so irrational, so mad, so self-defeating.
Throw them away.
As fast as you need to throw away your concerns for what all these other self-defeated people say about you.
For they are worse than you. Those quacks take their stupidity one step ahead of you. At least you use stencils of your own past; but they use their stencil on you; with no understanding that we’re all individually unique and different and one can’t be measured as per other’s scale.

Grow, my friend.
It’ll happen only when you agree to fall down repeatedly.
The more you fall, the more glory you get for your next attempt.
The more you fall, the thicker the book of your success story gets; get it?

#success #ambition #aspiration #growth #progress #development #improvement #betterment #goals #objective #gains #effort #struggle #fight #resilience #consistency #commitment #dedication #PushingLimits #inspiration #motivation #achievement #hardship #failure #GetBackUp

Being Together is Acting Together

Love is a function.
The magic is in action.
Act together.

Relationship is a possibility.
Make it an actuality.
Be together.

Being, is in expression.
Expressing together, is relation.
Feel together.

Love is a dish.
One can be spices; other can be fish.
Cook together.

Togetherness, is strengths in union.
Union, is in strengths working in unison.
Work together.

Some strengths connect.
Others show a deficit.
Adapt together.

Not everything fits.
But there’s a fit, for all bits.
Match together.

Joy is in rhythm.
Compatibility is an algorithm.
Code it together.

Love builds when minds tune.
What’s built, works, when hands tune.
Two fall in love, when two love same tune.
Being there to sing it together, makes sense; get to it soon.

#relationship #love #romance #attraction #couple #therapy #counseling #boyfriend #girlfriend #marriage #married #life #husband #wife #couple_goals #sex #bonding #emotion #feeling #affection #caring #help #sync #together #mature #awareness #understanding #live_in #dating #happiness

Paths: Winners versus Legends

Winners make the right choices.
Legends explore the right choices.

Winners make the right contacts.
Legends bond with the self.

Winners get the right certificates.
Legends find a self-definition.

Winners find the right smile.
Legends find the useful approach.

Winners know the right words.
Legends unlock the right actions.

Winners see what’s profitable.
Legends understand what’d be profitable.

Winners walk the right paths.
Legends build those paths.

Winners reach where the path takes.
Legends reach ahead of it.

Winners make choices with expiry dates.
Legends create choices others didn’t know.

Winners arrive at destination.
Legends become that destination.

Be legend.

#success #goals #win #winner #legend #result #choice #path #destination #focus #inspiration #motivation #vision #struggle #effort #awareness #mentality #mindset #strength #power #positive #thinking #achievement #ambition #dreams #fulfilment #approach #attitude #career #business

Hate, Processed.

There’s emotion.
And then there’s feeling.
Emotion is physiological.
It emerges in body.
Fear is a vacuum in stomach.
Anxiety is rise in heartbeats.
Anger is rush in veins and hot ears.
Feeling is different. Advanced.
Feeling is emotionalized thought.
Thoughts stick to emotion; create feelings.
And thoughts are patterned, for most.
We don’t see the present as it is.
We use a stencil of a past event to see it.
We see linkages and similarities.
Which may or may not be there.
It’s called Transference.
The pain of a negative feeling is more of a role, played once again, for the same old drama of patterned reactions.

Hate is one such feeling.
Slightly different, in its use of transference.
In this case, it’s not much about a past; it’s about present itself that gets dragged forward in future. Hate is thought of a disturbance stuck to the emotion of anger, pulled ahead in the flow time; with no regard for the fact that what happened is already in the past.
Unresolved, unprocessed, keeping the echoes of that emotion suspended in a limbo.
Hate is anger, stuck in a frame of a video that doesn’t move forward.
It’s more of a glitch.

And make no mistake: it’s a decision.
We choose to let that limbo be there.
We could’ve processed it; intellectualized the feeling and understood what part of us was left unfortified that it hurts so much; we could’ve used it as a drive to understand and strengthen ourselves further. Except we don’t.
The question is, why?
The answer is, we get a pay-off.
With hate, we get a weight, false as it may be, to fill up the vacuum of an unfastened mind.
Hate is there, for the self-identity demands it to be there.
Hate is linked to self-concept and other sensations of identity derived from culture, religion, tradition, sentiments, belief systems, faith, ideologies etc.
By feeling that hate, we feel the identity.
Which we don’t otherwise, not really.
For we haven’t done much to construct that identity on our own; and feeling it out of all this hate and hurt, all this sentimentalism, helps us ground it to a definite pole.
That’s the thing.
That’s what it’s all about.

If hate is about what we choose to think about things, then the remedy is to apply a conscious thought to the linkage between us and those things; and asking ourselves, are we the sum of nothing but these sentiments? Are we nothing else, really? Can we be? Do we wish to be? Wouldn’t it be better and profitable to grow bigger than these sentiments that can only get hurt and nothing else? Wouldn’t it be better to develop a self-identity with individual awareness, thought, action and consistent walk toward definite goals that leave no margin, time, energy for hatred? Wouldn’t it be better to be more than what we are; for what we are is suffocating us and that itself is ample inspiration to reach higher?

#hate #emotion #thought #feeling #think #awareness #love #understanding #know #self #identity #self_concept #sentiment #pain #hurt #dispute #resolution #stress #anxiety #relief #problem_solving #strength #empowerment #counseling #pattern #TA #Adult_Ego #society #personal #reality

Pain Inspires.

What is winning?
Winning is acting differently on what’s thought differently.
Winning is proceeding through what’s new; what’s unknown; what’s next.
Which means, winning calls for walking a path our feet aren’t accustomed to.
And that means, pain.
Winning is difficult.
Of course it is.
If it was easy, most would’ve won.
You wish a win; which means you must agree to what most never do and what you haven’t done yet.
Because what most do makes most fail; and what you’ve done so far haven’t placed you where you wanted to be.
It’s a simple, straight forward mathematical understanding.
To win, you need an inspiration.
Pain provides it.
Pain demands to be felt.
And it isn’t an enjoyable feel.
It compels you to do something about it.
That’s what gets you the win.
Simple.

Pain of effort, in itself, isn’t the problem.
The problem is that we hate it.
The problem is that we see it as a problem.
Pain defeats most of us; because most of us use a self-defeating approach to see it.
They don’t stay at it.
They don’t hold firm while pain engulfs them.
They give up.
They shift back to their comfort zones.
And that’s because they don’t actually want their win as much as they want to leave those comfort zones.
You see, you have to want it real bad.
It’s that hunger that compounds with the pain; it’s that combination that makes us push our limits; it’s that push that unlocks new strength; and it’s that strength that helps us grow bigger than the challenge.
That’s a win.

What separates the winner from the average loser is that the winner understands the tricks mind plays when it’s in its comfort zone.
The comfort zone is full of pain; it’s full of misery and sorrow; it brings stagnancy and loss of energy and time; it decays you; except it’s a slow process of disintegration and that’s why we don’t feel its pain.
Actually, it’s far bigger than the short pain of winning effort.

Stop overrating the “feel good” factor.
Get a bearing of your pain tolerance as if it’s a number on a score-board; try adding one each day to yesterday’s score.
Get a big enough score; one day you’ll suddenly be out of pain and victorious.
It’s brilliant.
It’s glorious.
It’s beautiful.
Be there for that beauty.

#success #goal #winning #win #ambition #aspiration #inspiration #motivation #dreams #pain #tolerance #struggle #fight #effort #gains #pushing_limits #victory #winner #achievement #accomplishment #fulfilment #self #help #attitude #bodybuilding #strength #training #resilience #commitment #growth

Being You Is Beautiful.

What do you wish?
Healthy relationships? Yes.
And success in personal goals? Yes.
Are you there? Not really.
Reasons are many.
One of them is most basic.

For relationships, you talk with people.
For personal goals, you work on yourself.
But the person who meets other people isn’t you.
Same as the person who works on you isn’t you.
People see a body; but they don’t see YOU present there.
You meet people of opposite gender on dates; and you aren’t you.
Employers and co-workers look at you; and you aren’t you.
You become some other person in front of them; a person you don’t know and neither do they. A person born out of half-thought roles decided upon haphazardly, to play dramas scripted unconsciously. A role that gets played as a substitute for the real you, for you think the role would be better. With an incomplete false persona that can’t really have a full personality. A half-baked, shifting, phasing, unstable nervous ball of energy that’s too unsure, with too much craving for others’ acceptance. So much so that it makes sure you’ll never actually get that acceptance.

It’s because although you love you, you don’t like you. You don’t see yourself as presentable, when you are you. Many people have placed that idea in your mind, since childhood. Since school. Teachers and bullies and peer-pressure.
“Don’t laugh. Don’t talk. Don’t voice yourself. Don’t express yourself. Don’t connect. Don’t make your own decisions. Don’t do what feels right. Invalidate your instincts and feelings. Be invisible as an individual; join the crowd.”
The injunction is, “Don’t be”, actually.
“Don’t exist as you are. Because what you are is unprofitable and unworthy. Be someone else.”
You fail in connecting with people, because that someone else is a role and a role cannot be played infinitely. Besides, people appreciate you only when you appreciate yourself. And this role-play may or may not be convincing; but they do realise it’s all a craving for their appreciation. And that’s seen as a proof that you don’t have your own appreciation; and they devaluate you for that.

When it comes to success, you apply similar injunctions. “Try hard” is one of them. Right from the get-go, you select something dark and dry and heavy and bleak as your path; because you’re loaded with ideas like “no pain no gain”, without realising that pain in this case doesn’t need to mean all-out self-destruction on a totally non-profiting path. You keep trying hard; which means you keep jumping from harder and harder ways of work which will only ensure a burn-out. You never realise that hard work works only when it’s applied to a smart plan; and you never go for one. Once again you adopt a role, that of a bloodied and battered fighter who tries so hard and gets only so far; seeking glory in its sadness which never was there.

Remember that success means nothing but expressing your natural self and letting your true inner potential voice itself out. It’s about doing what feels true and right. Of course winning means giving yourself to it wholeheartedly; but that works only when your heart wants it in the first place. You win only when you stay true to who you are; only when you’re genuine and you’re real; when no dramas and no roles rule your actions.

#success #relationship #goals #love #objective #winning #failure #you #real #true #genuine #appreciation #acceptance #self #care #caring #help #awareness #understanding #social #life #living #ok #confidence #personality #development #progress #inspiration #motivation

The Barney Stinson Approach

Sounds like Narcissism.
It isn’t.
Sounds like Superiority Complex.
It isn’t.
Sounds like a false defense mechanism.
It isn’t.
Not if it’s consciously applied to negative situations.
“Sorry, can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”
What’d differ it from arrogance is when it isn’t us who say it; it’s our hearts who express that positivity after a consciously undertaken course of self-development, self-improvement, self-evolution; with hard facts supporting that positivity.
And why should we say it to negativity?
For negativity has something to say to us.
Something sad and torturing.
Something shattering and defeating.
Something soul-crushing and mind-numbing.
Something that demands our surrender and acceptance of permanent defeat; something that wants us to keep falling down the abyss of self-pity and misery and sorrows. Humiliated and sunken and broken.
The only power that has a hope to cancel that is our approach. Our attitude.
Our knowledge of the self.
“I know how awesome I am.
How strong. How capable.
How imaginative and how winning.
Because I remember.
I remember my response when I was NOT winning.
I remember what I did when failures and insults and pains were mocking me.
I remember how I’ve been there for myself when no-one else was.
I remember how I’ve applied myself, doggedly, to sort out circumstances which had no hope of victory.
I remember how I’ve tackled difficulties before, when people and situations had nothing better to do than to tell me, “give up”.
I remember how, by simply being consistent at my efforts, I’ve turned the tables around.
I’m a survivor; with an unquenchable zest for betterment, improvement, development and progress.
I’m never the same.
I keep introspecting; I keep exploring; I keep understanding; I keep implementing what I’ve understood; I check results with an unbiased mind and I rectify my efforts.
But most important of all, I’m RELENTLESS. I never ever give up.
I’m always at it.
And that’s why, when I say “how awesome I am”, I know it’s not fake; I have a volume of my work behind it; I have a weight of experience behind it; I have countless moments of my heart behind it, warmed sweetly with the sensation of glorious victories and achievements earned after extreme struggle; I have me behind it for it was I who built that me; my confidence is a result of lifelong fight and improvisation and winning. It’s what I do. Being awesome is a choice and I make it each day, each moment, through my actions.”

#success #goal #winning #failure #dreams #situation #problem #problem_solving #skills #difficult #struggle #fight #relentless #consistency #effort #improvisation #achievement #gains #focus #self_care #confidence #faith #positive #thinking #attitude #leadership #strength #empowerment #depression #trust_yourself

Expectations: The “Fruits v/s Hardware” Understanding

We’re all one.
Among many.
And that’s the catch.

We’re all like tiles on a wall.
Tiles, that don’t necessarily match.
Each one is different.
In color and shape and size and texture.
Each one, cut here and there to somehow fit in the greater picture.
And that cut is rough. Not precise. Never.
For each one has a past.
A history. As unique as the present.
Each one comes from a different space.
Each one is moulded and formed different.
Each one is built different.
Some with fine, loving hands; with great care and support and passion.
Some with rough, calloused hands; with a tendency to match difficulties with bitter toughness.
And some with machines; cut methodically but mindlessly; too squared up and perfect and emotionless.

All of these, on the same wall.
Let’s remember it’s an adjustment.
A compromise for an accommodation.
It has its price.
Sometimes, innocents pay it.
Sometimes. When ignorance is mistaken for innocence.

They gauge the other wrong.
Make incorrect measures.
Expect things which aren’t there.
Expect drives which aren’t installed there.
Expect fulfilments which aren’t possible; not from where they seek that satiation.
Their calls are heard by vacuums.
Absences that can’t reciprocate.
It hurts. A little, in friendships.
A lot, in relationships.
Empathy, sought in minds which know only practicality that levels with surrealism.
Love, sought in souls which know only profit after surviving challenges of past.
Ambition, sought in hearts which beat too weak after lifelong failures and defeats.
Support, sought in bodies which never learned to empower themselves.
Hurts. A lot.

The key is awareness.
Always has been. Always will be.
It’s in keeping eyes open, before the heart searches the other’s soul.
It’s in keeping ears open, before the soul searches the other’s liveliness.
It’s in making observations and studying them; studiously; with no rush for judgment and stereotyping and conclusions.
It’s in staying true to instincts; and processing what we feel about the other person without losing it to the flow; without surrendering to rush of the need to be with someone.
And before all of that, it’s in knowing what WE want and need, truly; knowing ourselves first and accepting what we are; before we search it in others.

Some want sweet fruits.
Some search for practical hardware.
The two aren’t offered in the same shop.

#relationship #love #expectation #desire #need #drive #social #society #personal #people #partner #friend #friendship #desire #attraction #crush #life #living #awareness #empathy #emotion #feeling #thought #thinking #positive #care #caring #self_help #tuning #understanding

Pleasing Others v/s Winning

You can wait ages for their approval.
Or you can appreciate yourself and win.

You can corrode yourself, pleasing them.
Or you can build yourself and win.

You can strive for their acceptance.
Or you can be happy for who you are and win.

You can eat the scrapes they throw at you.
Or you can nourish your own farm and win.

You can wait for them to open doors.
Or you can jump over the fence and win.

You can make disgusting compromises for their friendships.
Or you can stand tall, on your own, and win.

You can let them put your calls on hold.
Or you can make your own calls and win.

You can pine for them.
Or you can love yourself and win.

You can let their shouts deter you.
Or you can hear it as music of your transformation.

You can see it as loneliness.
Or you can see the strength in it for what it is and win.

#appreciation #admiration #acceptance #approval #please_others #self #care #help #focus #attitude #approach #perspective #win #winner #leadership #pain #hurt #victory #success #achievement #alone #strength #positive #empowerment #rebel #authority #dare #different #transformation

A nod; and a Smile

Goodness, left unreciprocated.
Righteousness, left unacknowledged.
Reasonability, left waiting.
Rationality, left discouraged.
It’s sad.
It’s sad, for when it happens, an opportunity to construct positivity in an entropy-oriented universe, is lost.

We all have those few people in our lives.
We don’t know them. Not really.
We nod briefly in porches.
We smile briefly in passages.
We exchange briefest of small talk in elevators.
And we leave it there. We make sure nothing deeper happens.
Once, a while back, when they were total strangers, we noticed a charm of positivity in each other’s eyes; so we started it; but we can’t call them friends. Not even acquaintances. In fact, we leave them at the outermost boundaries of our social life; which is funny, for the inner boundaries are full of either idiots or rascals we would’ve done without.
Maybe we’re worried that if we take it any further, they’ll take it as a chance to overstep boundaries and invade our personal space.
It’s natural to think so.
Past experience is always a fresh wound, no matter how distant the past.
Caution turns to defenses and walls.
The sad joke is, the wicked always know how to pass through those walls; while we’re busy keeping those with positivity in eyes away from us.

Why people get into depression?
Why do they develop anxieties?
Why loneliness eats at souls?
Sure, there are pure personal reasons there; can’t hold society at large responsible for individual problems.
But is one of those reasons that there’s lifelong goodness that was left lifelong unappreciated, unacknowledged, unaccepted, forgotten and unmentioned?
Denied a chance to be expressed?
Denied a chance to be responded to?
Does it build a frustration?
A feel of uselessness about that goodness?
Do such souls feel misfits in a society that doesn’t know or care about the positivity they have?
Worse, do their life experiences have a long list of events when that positivity was seen as a problem by rest of the society? Actively resisted and hurt? Especially when those who could’ve appreciated it and encouraged it stayed mute?
Does it turn that positivity into a soul-eating poison, when those souls don’t know how to live if not as a kind, helping and accepting person?

Goodness and positivity are inspirations.
They ask for no special motivation.
All they ask, is a nod of acknowledgement and a smile of acceptance. That’s it.
That’s enough encouragement.
And we need it. We all do.
So let’s bring it into conscious awareness and let’s place it in our transactions.
Let’s appreciate positivity whenever we notice it. Let it be verbal.
Let there be reciprocation. In words.
When the rest of the world is busy walking down the path of self-destruction, let’s let those with positivity have its acknowledgement; let them know, “I see it in you and I appreciate what I see.” Let them know it’s OK to be that positive quantum that they are; that they can stay at it.
It’ll work wonders.
It’s a breath of life to a soul who wishes nothing but good for the world.

#appreciation #admiration #acknowledgement #reciprocation #feedback #positive #positivity #good #goodness #society #social #self #help #caring #care #support #support_groups #constructive #creative #depression #anxiety #thought #thinking #feeling #emotion #empowerment #trust #awareness

Iron Path

Wish to train yourself for positivity?
Wish to mould yourself for self-empowerment?
Wish to adopt a mentality for success?
Look no further than the Iron Path.
It’s sheer embodiment of what one needs to have and to become, for achievements in life.

It’s brilliant. It’s beautiful.
It’s meaningful and solid.
It’s nutritious.

There are reps and there are sets.
There are weights and you lift them repeatedly until you physically can’t. Until your muscles scream with pain and it’s physically unbearable. That’s a number of reps in a set. Your aim is to try and reach a specific prescribed rep range for each set; but you fail at it; you fall a bit shorter.
You put those weights down; you catch your breath; you go back at it. Repeatedly. For as many sets as you want. Then you shift to the next workout.
Visit the gym each day; and eventually you cycle through your entire routine and you come back for the same workout.
Again, you try to reach that rep range.
One glorious day, you actually achieve that rep range.
The beauty lies in what you do next; with a gorgeous idea called “Progressive Overload”.
In simple terms, it’s to keep the challenge alive.
You see, once you achieve that rep range for those weights, you don’t stop there; you don’t plateau there; no, you take a heavier weight and cycle through the same idea again; trying to reach that same rep range again; and each time you reach it, you get the next heavier weight and you keep at it; continuously; all the time; without fail; always keeping your muscles in shock; always keeping the need to grow alive; always demanding more out of yourself; never settling down.

It builds muscles; but it builds minds more than that.
For it’s crazy. It’s difficult. It’s extreme. It’s intense. It isn’t a cake-walk.
And it’s sincere, honest, full of truth.
What you did to your muscles last time has built them a bit stronger and bigger; and so the math says you have no right to do only as much as what you did last time; of course you can do more today and you stick to that truth; you stick to the glory of what you have become and you immediately put it to use; you invest yourself anew for your abilities are anew; and that relentless pursuit of the new with relentless investment of what’s new in you, is the basic essence of your path toward your success.
It forges your entire existence for success; it trains your entire presence for winning; it tunes you for achievements and betterments; it constructs you a compatibility for good things that should be happening to you.

It’s the best training for success, ever.

#success #growth #bodybuilding #powerlifting #athlete #strength #hypertrophy #progress #progressive_overload #workout #ambition #inspiration #motivation #training #focus #commitment #dedication #empowerment #positive #effort #struggle #winning #life_goals #gym

Mindset & Riches

To be more, is to do more.
But it comes with its limits.
Sometimes, one simply can’t.
To do more needs that much facility of action; availability of resources.
At present, one might have limited space for any maneuver; irrespective of the zest and will one has for pushing one’s limits.
But there’s a key.
It’s in awareness.
Action isn’t the only aspect of success build-up.
There’s investment.
There’s expenditure.
You need to limit the latter, to empower the former.
Sure, you do a lot.
Natural, that you’d think you deserve spending a bit to enjoy life; after all that’s why you do so much.
But what separates a lifelong winner from a period sensation is his or her strength of self-control when it comes to expenses.
It takes guts to be composed and restrict the flow of outgoing money even when one has plenty; be humble and say no to debauchery and indulgences even when one can easily afford them today; be patient and place limits even when today seems to say yes to party; because we keep in mind that it’s for tomorrow.
We keep in mind that we’re hungry people; we aren’t going to settle for today; we want more; we demand more out of ourselves; we aren’t going to stop here; we will scale new heights and be bigger, stronger, greater; and THAT calls for an agreement for conservation and let the pool of assets add up; so that those assets can be invested in schemes that propagate them in ways parallel to the actual course of action we regularly take.
That way, we can be at two places of action at the same time: one where we regularly are; another where what we have gained so far itself acts as a self-propagating power that’ll ultimately enhance the yield of our efforts.

#success #growth #winner #leader #legend #achievement #rich #money #management #gains #investment #finances #expenses #income #ambition #inspiration #motivation #millionaire #billionaire #effort #action #dreams #desire #big #patience #work #business #career #future #plans

Dropouts

You can drop out of college.
PROVIDED, you can.
PROVIDED, you have what it takes.
PROVIDED, you have something nobody else has and you know how to sell it.

Most of them are college dropouts.
Gates. Zuckerberg. Dell. Jobs. Assange.
Ellison. Williams. Koum.
We all know the big long list.
But which colleges did they drop out from?
Have a check.
You’ll see institute names as big and significant as the names of these celebrated dropouts.
Take a moment to absorb that these people had the potential to get in there first; before they also displayed that their potential extended upto dropping out of there as well.

It isn’t the dropping out that counts.
What counts is what they did after they dropped out and what they had in them that they used.
It’s the skill that counts.
It’s the ability to evolve that skill on one’s own that counts.
It’s believing in it all that counts.
And belief must be based on real terms; so knowing that it’s all there, in the first place, to be developed further, counts the most.
They had it.
It all could’ve been a huge disaster as well, if it hadn’t planned out; if they had miscalculated – which they must’ve done sometime, but they went back at it and got their actions rectified. Repeatedly. Doggedly. Relentless.

Sure, our education system has failed us on many fronts.
It failed to help us tap into our potential and get the best out of the uniqueness of our individual personalities.
At best, it only discouraged that uniqueness and turned us into mindless drones loaded with field-specific, limited data; to be deployed as robots for corporates till it’s profitable to them, and not a minute more when it turns unprofitable.
It’s silly and degrading.

If it suffocates you, know that this corporate system you hate is only an inevitable result of rise in the volume of people with insufficient skills to lead individual businesses; many would tell you that the corporate system is preferable to Nature’s laws; for one can stay alive in that system whereas Nature would’ve eliminated you for your inabilities long ago.
If you disagree with such a compromise, then you should also take up the responsibility to build a better system that suits you in your own space.

Know that it all boils down to your resolve to stay true to what you have in you; your commitment to keep progressing on it; your dedication to be new each day and be so fit for an individualized survival that it’ll turn out to be flourishing for you, the way it did to all those big names.

#success #growth #result #business #jobs #goals #dreams #dropout #education #career #choice #ambition #aspiration #effort #achievement #focus #decision #mistake #skill #development #progress #evolution #transformation #corporate #personality #frustration #learning #ability #willpower #resolve

Skilled versus Skillful

To work, is to apply what’s known.
To profit, is to apply everything that’s known in useful correlation.
Living, is about skills.
Living big, is about variety among skills.

Corporates love employees who show sincerity, dedication and commitment to apply a skill they have.
But they love them more, because they know their employees have just one skill, applicable in just one setting of work; which means the job they award to that employee might very well be a prison for that employee. You aren’t going anywhere else. You can’t.
Sure they promote you if you’re good at it; but it’s only because you’ve shown them you can be twisted and turned more than before, oozing more profit out of you.

To be more successful than an average daily grinder, one must approach self-empowerment from multiple angles. One must add a variety of many different skills applicable in many different settings so that one can begin streams of profit that flow out of multiple pools of potential.

Physical engagement in development of variety of skills also develops one’s mind in kind; enabling one to locate and access opportunities hidden from most others; tapping into their potential with better adaptation; awakening the ability to think out of the box and improvise profitable courses out of situations that seem dull or problematic to most others.

Addition of multiple skills in the personality is the very essence of being fit for survival; for Nature helps only those who show they’re worth a continued presence in the ecosystem.

It’s good to be skilled at one thing.

It’s best to be skillful of many.

Get to work on it.

#success #growth #result #goal #life_goals #objective #win #profit #benefit #ambition #aspiration #dreams #desire #achievement #gains #work #business #corporate #job #effort #skills #variety #versatality #positive #thinking #adaptation #evolution #strength #power #ability

Success is Future; Winning is Now.

You’re here.
Goal, is to achieve.
That’s in future.
But winning is different than success.
Winning, is in now.
Winning isn’t the destination.
Winning is in the journey.
Winning is in the choice to gain.

Winning is in knowing you can’t win immediately; and yet, trying.
Winning is in accepting that you’re still away from your success; and so, living the present moment to its fullest; building yourself with effort; enabling yourself for the next moment.
Winning is appreciating that celebration will have to wait; for now is about investing in the present for the future.
Winning is being OK with what you have gained so far, as a tool to be utilized to reach further.
Winning is in feeling positive for your strengths and acting positively to overcome your weaknesses, with full acceptance that they’re there and they need work.
Winning is in embracing the struggle fully; understanding and accepting that it’s there for you, to build you, to make you stronger; it’s yours and it’s precious, along with the pain and sacrifice in it.

Winning is a step by step process.
Winning is in placing each one of those steps with your full attention and energy focused at it.
Winning is in admiring the glory of the opportunity the present avails to us; worshipping it wholeheartedly with our full presence in it.

#success #win #winning #goal #objective #result #gains #achievement #accomplishment #growth #progress #development #improvement #betterment #ambition #dreams #aspiration #life_goals #effort #focus #attention #awareness #understanding #acceptance #struggle #fight #victory #destination #now #present

Why Judge?

From the diary of a creative, constructive, positive and happy soul:

“I always knew I was different.
And so was everyone else.
Once I accepted what I knew, things got easy.

“I always knew that very few knew my story.
But then again, I also knew very little about people.
Once I accepted the significance of how little I knew, things got easy.

“Criticism is a burden.
Judgment is a load.
Abuse, mockery, evaluation, all has its weight.
Many carry that weight to pour it on to other people.
I asked myself, why. And I realised, most folks have vacuums in their own lives that they wish to hide from. Scattered thoughts, leading to inaction, resulting in loss and failure and pain. Scary vacuums. Declaring themselves as judges and critics for others’ lives helps them maintain the curtain between themselves and their vacuums.
It’s not just entertainment; it’s a defense mechanism. And a faulty one at that. Convince people you’re smarter than them as much as you want; you never really convince yourself. Those vacuums still remain. They always remain. They mock you. Laugh at you. It burns. It hurts. And you know you’ve wasted so much time hurting others that you’ve never learned how to build yourself. You defeat yourself.

“I always knew I wanted to be someone. Always appreciated that it’d take effort. Real effort, from me, in my own space, on myself. It’d take energy and time and focus. It’d give me no luxury to waste that time and energy and focus on judging others; and I never wanted that luxury. When I knew we are all different than each other, I thought, we should appreciate how unique we are. I did that. And I won. I stayed true to myself and I won. I focused on improvement, betterment, progress, adding strengths and winning small battles each day; and I won. I wanted to win, and I won.

“We all can. We all have energy and time; we just need focus in the right direction. All we need is to look within. Let people be themselves. We can be ourselves. By agreeing to our differences and appreciating the variety they bring to human life, we can all coexist and we can all win.”

#peace #relief #emotion #thinking #positive #thought #feeling #hurt #pain #loss #criticism #critic #judgment #judge #mocking #hate #abuse #constructive #creative #action #focus #happiness #difference #coexistence #cohabitation #unique #individual #time #effort #goal

Plan B

“Guru, I’m anxious.”
“Why, my child?”
“It’s about my job.”
“I thought you were at the top.”
“I am. That’s why I’m anxious.”
“Lonely at the top?”
“And insecure too.”
“Why?”
“Everyone wants what I have. And what I know to keep what I have is limited. My knowledge. My experience. It’s big; and yet so small. I know a lot; and yet I know nothing. There’s so much new out there these days. Technology and knowledge, evolving, changing, moving; turning things obsolete each day; spewing forth something brand new and revolutionary. I try to keep pace with it; yet I fail. It’s sheer impossible. These new kids these days, their brains come loaded with the new and the latest; and their arms are energetic and ambitious. I feel I’m losing it.”
“My child, have you ever used tools such as an axe?”
“Never.”
“I have. For years and years. An axe used to be sharp for a few days; then it’d lose its edge. It had to be sharpened. Again and again. Turning it into new. Well, almost. For each time I sharpened it, I essentially cut at it, removing portions of metal out of its blade. It used to shrink the blade. Gradually, but definitely. Used to come a time when it would be too small. And useless. Eventually, I had to throw it away. And I was real conservative, mind you. My neighbour would bother with the sharpening maybe three times; then he’d get a new one right away.”
“In my story, I’m the blade of the axe, yes?”
“You’re a human being looked at and used as an axe. It’s probably because you see yourself as one. You try to sharpen yourself; but now the inevitability of the end of your finite usability has dawned on you; and it scares you. You’re shrinking; and it hurts you. You aren’t an axe my child; you’re human. An axe is a dumb tool; a human is too if that human’s sole purpose in life is to let others use him or her. You’re a conscious organism. Use your wits. Anticipate and accept that your usability is limited; the trick is to be ready for it with a plan B. It’s foolish to think you’ll always remain useful for others; you won’t; especially not in today’s times. Focus on investments. In multiple ways. Know your needs; forecast future; select multiple plans of investments. And not just of money. You also have earned a potential in terms of knowledge; but more than that, you’ve got an understanding of mechanisms and structures and flows of how people use that knowledge. Install yourself as a man who can share his wisdom with those in need. It can be your calling from now on, and why not, on a professional basis too. You’ve seen a lot by now; about how stuff works. Select a business plan which allows you to use your knowledge to develop your own product and sell it with your own marketing strategies. You were never in this game to wait for others’ approval for eternity; your ultimate goal was always to get that intellectual and physical independency which would allow you to be on your own.”

#success #goal #life_goal #dreams #ambition #aspiration #growth #progress #achievement #inspiration #knowledge #understanding #wisdom #awareness #job #corporate #business #work #effort #self #self_help #development #independence #individual #thinking #promotion #positive #breaking_barriers #limits #boundaries

आकाशी

…अर्धा तास मुद्दाम ताटकळत बसवल्यावरच आत बोलावलं गेलं तिला. ती गेली. तिचं चालणं शांत. पण सजग. सावध. आणि स्वत:वरच्या विश्वासाने भरलेलं. आणि तिच्या निळ्या डोळ्यांतली पापणी न लवणारी ती भेदक पण समजदार चमकही तशीच. भारणारी.

जी. एम. सरांची केबिन तिच्या येण्याने अचानक भरून गेल्यासारखी झाली. ती आली तसे सुजाता आणि श्रीधर खुर्चीतल्या खुर्चीत चुळबुळले. ती मनात हसली. वास्तविक तिच्यावर प्रेशर टाकण्यासाठी ते दोघं मुद्दाम आधीपासून सरांच्या केबिनमध्ये होते; शिवाय तिला दोघांच्या मध्ये बसावं लागेल, अशा पद्धतीने खुर्च्यांची तजवीजही केलेली होती. म्हणजे तिघं मिळून तीन दिशांनी तिच्या बचावाचा फुटबॉल करण्याच्या तयारीत होते. ती एकटी. हा पहिला वार. मग हे चुळबुळणं कशासाठी?

सरांनी न बोलता हनुवटीने “बस” अशा अर्थी खूण केली. तिचं बसून होईपर्यंत तिघांच्या नजरा तिच्यावर खिळलेल्या. तिला खास जाणवाव्यात, अशा प्रकारे. हा दुसरा वार. वास्तविक गळ्यापासून पायाच्या बोटांपर्यंत ती पोशाखाने झाकलेली होती; पण तरूण पोरीने पोत्यात स्वत:ला गुंडाळलं तरी तिचं तारूण्य दिसतंच. केसांना गरजेपेक्षा जास्त ताणून गच्च अंबाडा घालून स्वत:वर “कॉर्पोरेट” असा स्टँप मारून घेतलेली सुजाता, आणि अमेरिकेत एम एस करून परतलेला श्रीधर, दोघांनी एकमेकांकडे पाहून नापसंतीदर्शक मान हलवली. वातावरणनिर्मिती यांच्याकडून शिकावी! हरकत नाही. हिने खांदे सरळ केले; पाठ ताठ केली अन् सावकाशपणे सरांच्या नजरेत आपली निळी नजर फेकली. तिच्या त्या सहजतेत त्यांचे दोन्ही वार ढेपाळले.

“मिस् आकाशी,” सरांनी धीरगंभीर आवाज लावला, “कामं टाळण्याची सवय दिसते तुम्हाला.”
हा तिसरा वार होता. पण अपेक्षित असा. हे होणारच होतं. कारणही तसंच होतं. आज सोमवार होता. सुजाता आणि श्रीधरने गेल्या शुक्रवारी तिला संध्याकाळी पाच-एकोणसाठ वाजता, म्हणजे कंपनी सुटायला एक मिनिट बाकी असताना, अशी कामं सांगितली होती, जी त्यांच्या दृष्टीने “इमिजिएट्ली” व्हायला पाहीजे होती. आणि हिने सरळ “नो, सॉरी” म्हणून सांगितलं होतं. त्यावर अर्थातच “व्हॉट द हेल डू यू मिन ‘नो, सॉरी’?” वगैरे किंचाळणं झालं… “वर्क एथिक्स”ची कौतुकं गाऊन झाली… “प्रोफेशनल अटिट्यूड”ची संस्कारशिबीरं घालून झाली… “तू स्वत:ला काय समजतेस?” झालं… “आपले अमुक-तमूक सर आजही सोळा तास काम करतात” ऐकवून झालं… “कस्टमर इज द किंग” वाजवून झालं… सगळं झालं. हिने त्यांच्या सिनिअरिटीचा मान ठेवून फारतर मिनिटभर ऐकून घेतलं; सहाच्या ठोक्याला हिने खटकन आवाज फेकला,

“गणित चुकतंय तुमचं. कंपनीची वेळ आहे नऊ ते सहा. मी डॉट नऊला कामावर येते. नो पर्सनल लिव्हज सो फार. आणि ज्याअर्थी दोन वर्षांच्या नोकरीत तीन वेळा अवॉर्ड मिळालंय त्याअर्थी मी माझं काम चोख करते; म्हणजेच डॉट सहाला काम बंद करून माझं पर्सनल आयुष्य जगणं सुरू करण्याचा अधिकार मी कमावते. विषय संपला. मला निघण्याची पर्मिशन नकोय; कारण तो माझा नैसर्गिक हक्क आहे; आणि तो मला कोणीही नाकारू शकत नाही.” शांत आवाज. नेहमीचीच वेधक नजर. आणि मग त्यांच्या पुढच्या हतबुद्ध किंचाळण्याकडे सपशेल दुर्लक्ष करून ही बाहेर पडली. हेच इगो दुखावलेले भाव तिने तेव्हाही त्यांच्या चेहऱ्यावर पाहिले होते, जेव्हा श्रीधरच्या “कॉफी घ्यायला जाऊ”ला अन् सुजाताच्या “माझ्यासाठी कॉफी घेऊन ये”ला तिने असंच सहज पण स्पष्टतेत नाकारलं होतं. म्हणून आज सकाळपासूनच दोघं फिल्डिंग लावून बसले होते – तिला “धडा” वगैरे शिकवण्यासाठी. दोघांनी तिखट-मीठ लावून जी. एम. ना पढवलं होतं; जेणेकरून आजवरचं तिचं सारं कर्तृत्व नाकारून, “कामं टाळण्याची सवय” या शब्दात तिच्या आत्मसन्मानाची वासलात लावता येईल. सरळ हिशेब होता…

…जो तिने त्यांच्याआधी ओळखून ठेवला होता!

“हो सर; खरंच नालायक आहे मी,” तिने प्रत्युत्तर दिलं; अन् तिघांच्याही अकला ढगात. त्यांना अपेक्षित होता तो म्हणजे बचाव; अन् हिने वेगळाच डाव टाकला. सरळ कबुली? आणि तीही आत्मवंचना करणारी? म्हणजे? तिसरा वार – पुन्हा चुकला. ती परत मनात हसली. वडील आर्मीत होते तिचे. लहानपणीच मिळालेला धडा – शत्रूला प्रत्युत्तर देताना, डू द अनएक्स्पेक्टेड. अपेक्षित असलेली उत्तरं द्यायला ही शाळा नव्हे. हा जीवनसंघर्ष आहे. जे अपेक्षित नाही ते प्रत्युत्तर असतं; युद्ध तिथे जिंकलं जातं.

“लहानपणापासूनच अशी नालायक मी. अभ्यास तासाभरात आटपायचे. माझी मैत्रीण तशी नव्हती. ती तीन तास अभ्यास करायची – अर्थात, समोर टी व्ही लावून… मग तीन तास लागणारच ना? आणि मग माझी मुलगी कित्ती अभ्यास करते, हे ऐकवायला तिची आई आमच्या घरी यायची; आणि माझी आई माझ्यावर चिडायची. नालायक ना मी… शेवटी मी दहावीत बोर्डात आले आणि ती परीक्षेच्या दिवशी अतिताणाने आजारी पडली; तेव्हा कुठे आमच्या दोघींच्या आयांची बत्तिशी वाजणं बंद झालं.”

“हं?” श्रीधर काही न कळून बावचळलेला; सुजाताची बत्तिशी नुसतीच उघडबंद होतेय. सरांच्या डोळ्यात थोडीशी वेगळी चमक.
“आकाशी, तुला कळतंय का तुला इथे का बोलावलंय?” सुजाताने प्रश्न फेकला.
“मला कळतंय गं; फ्रायडेचा माझा नतद्रष्टपणा ना? तो का दाखवावा लागला ते तुला कळलंय का बघ.” ही गोड हसत म्हणाली. सुजाताचा चेहरा क्षणात लाल.

“सर,” तिच्याकडे दुर्लक्ष करत ही पुढे म्हणाली, “आज जेव्हा मी मोठी झाल्ये ना, तेव्हा माझी आणि माझ्या त्या मैत्रिणीची रुपं कित्तीतरी लोकांत दिसतात मला. आता आपल्याकडेच पहा. इथे माझ्यासारखे काही निवडक स्री-पुरूष आहेत, जे ‘कामाच्यावेळी फक्त काम’ असा ‘वेडेपणा’ करतात आणि नऊ तासांच्या वेळेत काम संपवतात; ‘जास्त वेळ थांबून काम करणं’ ही ‘उदात्त’ परंपरा नाकारतात. बाकीच्यांना पंधरा तास पुरत नाहीत. कारण? कित्ती कामं असतात लोकांना! कामाच्या वेळेत व्हॉट्स अप चे मेसेजेस पाहायचे असतात. फेसबूकचा फीड चेक करायचा असतो. जेवणात पाल पडल्ये असा चेहरा करून सेल्फी घ्यायचे असतात. ते इन्स्टाग्रामवर अपलोड करायचे असतात. पन्नास वेळा चहा हवा असतो; साठ वेळा कॉफ्या हव्या असतात. कामच हे असं – त्याचा स्ट्रेस अगदी सहनच होत नै; म्हणून दिवसातून वीस वेळा बाहेर जाऊन सिगारेटी फुकायच्या असतात. त्यात आमची महिलाशक्तीही मागे नसते. मग कुणाकुणाचे वाढदिवस असतात. त्यासाठी केक आणायचे असतात; ते एकमेकांच्या तोंडांना फासायचे असतात – का? कारण आमचे अमेरिकन पोशिंदे तसं करतात ना, म्हणून. आणि मग ते फुकट गेलेलं अन्न वॉशबेसिनवर धुवून झालं, की वॉशरूमबाहेर उभं राहून “भारतात अन्नसुरक्षा का होऊ शकत नाही” आणि त्यात “पंतप्रधानांचं कुठे चुकतंय”, यावर आम्हा विद्वानांना चर्चा करायच्या असतात. खरंच, इतकी कामं असतात की कामं होण्याचा संबंधच येत नाही. मोदींच्या मैनेजमेंटची चिकित्सा करण्यात स्वत:ची कामं मैनेज करायचं राहूनच जातं. मग ताण येतो. तो घालवायचा कसा? सुजाताला विचारा. तिच्या स्क्रीनवर वर्कशीटच्या मागे Elle मासिकाची साईट असतेच. एमी जेकसन आणि प्रतीक बब्बरचं भांडण नक्की कशावरून झालं, ते हिला कळायला नको? किंवा आपल्या श्रीधरला विचारा. तो रात्री दोनपर्यंतही इथे थांबतो. का? त्याची ब्राऊजर हिस्टरी चेक करा. कामाचा ताण घालवण्यासाठी शरीरसुखाचे बाजारू देखावे देणारे कारागीर इंटरनेटवर फुकट मिळतात; ते आजूबाजूला कुणी नसताना रात्री बारा ते दोनमध्ये श्रीधरचे सगळे ताण संपवतात. तिकडे श्रीधरच्या बॉसना पहाटे अडीचला मेल मिळते, “वर्क डन, सर” म्हणून. बॉस खूष. म्हणतो, कित्ती गुणाचा तो श्री माझा. रात्रभर काम करतो. आपल्याकडे अँटीव्हायरस टीम आली होती, त्यांना सपोर्टला मीच होते; त्यावेळी ह्याच्या वर्कस्टेशनचा scan घेतला तेव्हा कळलं मला हे.”

श्रीधरला दरदरून घाम. सरांनी एका नजरेत त्याचे प्रतिवाद हेरले आणि नजरेनेच थांबवले. सुजाताचा श्वास घशात कोंडलेला. चेहऱ्यावरचे भाव अभिनयशक्तीने भराभर पालटत ती आकाशीवर गरजली, “तुला असं म्हणायचंय का की आम्ही फक्त टाईमपास करतो? आकाशी तू जूनिअर आहेस. आम्हा सिनिअर मैनेजमेन्टला अक्कल शिकवण्याचा आगाऊपणा करू नकोस.”

“सिनिअर मैनेजमेन्ट?” आकाशीची तेजस्वी नजर थेट मेंदूत चमकली सुजाताच्या. “सुजाता, जेव्हा दुसऱ्यांच्या त्यागावर स्वत:च्या यशाचे डोलारे उभे करण्याची गरज भासते ना, तेव्हा मैनेजमेन्ट उरत नसते; फक्त कमतरता झाकणाऱ्या वर्चस्ववादी देखाव्यांची केविलवाणी धडपड तेवढी उरते.” सुजाता पांढरीफटक पडली.

“सर,” हिने आवाजाची पट्टी आणखी शांत केली; “इतरांप्रमाणे स्वत:चं अख्खं आयुष्य कंपनीला बळी देण्याचा ‘समजुतदारपणा’ न करणाऱ्या मला ‘कामं टाळण्याची सवय’ या सबबीखाली आज या चौकशीला सामोरी जावं लागण्याचं एक खास कारण आहे. सांगते. आपल्याकडे सध्या विकृत जीवनशैलीचं उदात्तीकरण करणारं एक विचित्र दुष्टचक्र चालू आहे. नफेखोर धूर्तांनी नफ्यासाठी शोधून काढलंय ते. पुर्वी गुलामांच्या हातांना बेड्या असायच्या; आता त्यांच्या मनांना घातल्या जातात. फायद्याचं ठरतं ते. कसं? कॉर्पोरेट कल्चरमध्ये तुम्ही एकतर कुणा इंडस्ट्रीत नोकरदारी करत असता; नाहीतर कुणा इंडस्ट्रीत बनलेली प्रॉडक्ट्स खरेदी करत असता. Either way, तुम्ही त्यांचा फायदा करून देत असता. तुम्ही चंगळवादी आणि उपभोगवादी कंझ्युमर असण्यालाच जीवनाचं सार समजणं, हे त्या धूर्तांना हवंय. स्वत:च्या हावरटपणाला ‘महत्वाकांक्षा’ हे रोमँटिक नाव देण्याची दीक्षा याच पाश्चात्यांनी आपल्याला दिल्ये. नवश्रीमंतीच्या लोभापोटी तुम्ही गुरासारखे काम करा; आणि जे पैसे मिळतील त्याने आम्हीच दिलेलं श्रीमंतीचं सोंग विकत घ्या. आपले विदेशी पोशिंदे आपल्याला प्रोजेक्ट्सची आमीषं दाखवतात. आपण हव्यास आणि असुरक्षिततेच्या गर्तेत गांगरून प्रोजेक्ट्स अंगावर घेत सुटतो. डेडलाईन्सच्या भीतीपोटी आणि प्रमोशनच्या आमीषापोटी पर्सनल लाईफ, कुटूंब, फिटनेस सारंकाही विसरून स्वत:ला आणि इतरांना ओरबाडत राहतो, वापरून घेत राहतो. त्या धूर्तांना भारतासारख्या थर्ड वर्ल्ड कंट्रीत स्वस्तातले उच्चशिक्षित कामगार मिळतात. त्यांची प्रॉफिट्स तर सोडाच; आपल्याच हुद्द्यावरच्या विदेशी नोकरदारांचा पगार आणि आपलं रुपड्यातलं मानधन यातला फरक पाहीला तर वास्तविक घाण्याला जुंपलेल्या बैलापेक्षा अधिक ते आपल्याला लेखत नाहीत, हे सहज कळतं. तसं ते कळू नये म्हणूनच त्यांनी आपल्या डोळ्यांवर बेगडी ‘मॉडर्न लाईफस्टाईल’ची झापडं लावल्येत; आणि आपण लावून घेतलीयेत.”

“पण-” सुजाताने तोंड उघडलं; पण आकाशीने थंड करारी आवाजात, “माझं बोलणं पूर्ण नाही झालंय” म्हणून तिला गोठवलं.

“ही अंतहीन ओढाताण लक्षात आली, आणि तिला पर्याय नाही असं स्वत:ला समजावलं, की आपण कामाच्या ठिकाणी हातपाय पसरू लागतो. आठ-नऊ तासात शिस्तबद्ध काम करण्यापेक्षा तेच काम चौदा-सोळा तासात पसरवलं जातं. त्याला ‘अॉफिस एंजॉय करणं’ असं गोंडस नाव मिळतं. आपण ढिले पडतो. इतरांनाही पडायला लावतो. त्या ढिलेपणाला सोयिस्करपणे कामाच्या तासात मोजून त्याचंच उदात्तीकरण सुरू करतो – ‘आम्ही कित्ती काम करतो’ म्हणून. नवीन आलेल्या एम्प्लॉयीच्या तोंडावर ‘शिकण्याची संधी’ या चतुर पार्सलमध्ये गुंडाळलेला विनामोबदल्याचा ओवरटाईम फेकला जातो. माणूस नाही म्हणाला तर त्याच्या आत्मसन्मानाला “उद्धटपणा” आणि “पूअर अटिट्यूड” या शीर्षकात कोंडून मारायचा प्रयत्न होतो. स्वत:च्या आणि इतरांच्या पर्सनल आयुष्याचे अधिकार काढून घेऊ लागतो आपण, त्यासाठीचा वेळ नाकारून. प्रगत तंत्रज्ञानाने कामाचे तास कमी होणं अपेक्षित होतं; पण माणसालाच यंत्र म्हणून गृहीत धरून आपण तेच तास वाढवून ठेवलेत.”

नकळत सरांनी होकारार्थी मान हलवली. हातांचे तळवे सावकाश हवेत उचलत ही पुढे म्हणाली,
“आणि या सगळ्यात ही आकाशी नावाची एक मुलगी अडचणीची ठरते; कारण ती कामाच्या ठरलेल्या नऊ तासात साधं व्हॉट्स अप सुद्धा पाहात नाही; कामं वेळेत पूर्ण करते; करता येतात हे दाखवून देते; काहीही पेंडिंग राहात नाही. तिथे इतरांचे आळस आणि हिची तत्परता जुळत नाही. तिला टीम वर्कची भलावण शिकवली जाते; कारण आळसावलेल्या लोकांना सोयीचं जावं म्हणून ती स्वत:च्या चालण्याचा वेग कमी करत नाही. ते इतरांच्या पोत्याप्रमाणे पसरलेल्या कम्फर्ट झोन्सना अडचणीचं ठरतं.”

“पण आपल्याला दुनियेप्रमाणे चालता यायला हवं,” श्रीधरने डाव टाकून पाहीला.

“दुनियेचं चालता येणंच बंद झालं असेल तर? म्हणून सशक्त असतानाही अपंगत्व ओढवून घ्यायला सांगतोस मला?” आकाशीचा सौम्य आवाज त्याचे युक्तिवाद चिरत गेला. “सर, दुनियादारी करून झाल्यावर अचानक परिस्थितीची जाणीव झालेल्या श्रीधर आणि सुजाताची तथाकथित ‘इमर्जंसी’वाली कामं ही आकाशी नाकारू शकते; कारण ते त्यांच्या आळसाची शिक्षा आपल्याला देतायत हे तिला लगेच लक्षात येतं. ‘इमर्जंसी’ तिच्यामुळे तयार झालेली नसते. ‘कित्ती स्ट्रेस असतो’ या शब्दांनी स्वत:च्या सिगारेटच्या व्यसनाला कुरवाळणारे केविलवाणे जीव पाहून तिला खरंच विषाद वाटतो. का? कारण ‘स्ट्रेस’ कोळून प्यायलेली व्यक्ती तिने घरात पाहिलेली असते. बॉर्डरवर लढणाऱ्या नवऱ्याचे येऊ न शकलेले फोन, दोन पोरांचा शाळेचा डबा, पक्षाघात झालेल्या सासू-सासऱ्यांच्या स्वच्छता, केर-लादी-कपडे-भांडी, हे सारं निभावण्यासाठी चारला उठणारी आणि बाराला झोपणारी आई तिने पाहिलेली असते; जी पोरं संध्याकाळी घरी येतील तेव्हा त्यांच्यासाठी पोहे नि थालीपीठं करून ठेवते, वर्षानुवर्षं. दिवाळीचे फराळ चुकलेले नसतात, वर्षानुवर्षं. कौतुकाच्या एकाही शब्दाशिवाय आणि अपेक्षांच्या महाकाव्यासहित. त्या आईने कधी ‘कित्ती स्ट्रेस असतो’ म्हणून सिगरेट पेटवलेली तिने पाहिलेली नसते. इथे कंपनीत टीम स्पिरीटच्या नावाखाली स्वत:ला कामाचं गाढव करून घेऊन दुसऱ्यांचे आळस पोसण्याचा सोशिक मूर्खपणा मी करत नाही; कारण मी, एक शिस्तप्रिय मुलगी, आपल्या कामावर आणि प्रोफेशनवर प्रेम करते; आणि इतरांची फाजील कौतुकं करून त्यांना लाडावून ठेवण्यातले धोके चांगलेच जाणते. हे ज्यांना झेपत नाही ते माझी चौकशी करवण्यासाठी कामं सोडून जी एम च्या केबिनमध्ये लोणचं घालत बसतात. आणि अशी मी एक नाहीये. असे इथे निवडक काही जीव आहेत, ज्यांना ‘कर्तव्य’ कळतं. असो. मी चाललीये माझ्या क्युबिकलमध्ये; कामाच्या वेळेचा आणि जे खरोखर सिन्सिअरली काम करतायत त्यांच्या सचोटीचा आणखी अपमान नको. थँक यू, सर.”

दोन काळेठिक्कर चेहरे, आणि भविष्यातला कंपनीचा आधार गवसलेली एक उजळलेली मुद्रा मागे सोडून आकाशी केबिनमधून बाहेर पडली.
तितक्याच शांतपणे.
तितक्याच स्वत्वयुक्त करारीपणे.

– अपूर्व विकास
समुपदेशक व मानसशास्त्र तज्ज्ञ
(Counselor and psychologist)
निगडी, पुणे
8928183848
7774917184 (WhatsApp)
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv
© अपूर्व विकास

#मराठी #लेख #नोकरी #तरूण #युवा #संघर्ष #संवाद #ताण #तणाव #corporate #office #job #stress #overtime #anxiety #depression #exploitation #boss #leader #deadline #modern_life #individuality #communication #youth #corporate_bullshit #work_hours #ambition #life_goal #counseling #self_help #oppression #bold #assertive #bullyism #victim #success #courage #understanding #awareness #self #self_help

Loved Ones: Are You Their Architect?

Are we forcing our loved ones to do things we’ve declared “correct” for them?
Career choices and partners and lifestyles?
Are we calling it “care”? “Love”?
Is it, really?
Maybe; but is that all there’s to it?

We see vacuums in their lives.
Question is, why do they scare us?
We say we’re worried about their future.
Sure we are; can’t deny that.
But is it that we’re more anxious about our own past that we see reflected in their present? Is it that we’re more anxious about our own present, full of vacuums and lost dreams and missed opportunities, that we see reflected in their future?
So while we’re concerned about their future, is it more that we’re shielding ourselves from the vacuums in our own lives?

Do we see ourselves as architects for their lives, in compensation for our failure at engineering a sound life for ourselves?
Is this a tool we’re choosing to negotiate with our bitter self esteem, our bitter self-concept, that barks at us to “at least” make sure our loved ones won’t repeat our mistakes; so as to save some face in our own mind?

Is it how we’re trying to fulfil those left-out vacuums in our own lives?
Do we succeed in it? Ever?
When our loved ones don’t respond in kind to our expectations, we get agitated and irritated and anxious. Maybe it is really a concern for them as we tell ourselves; but is it more about our frustration that they aren’t letting us conquer their personal spaces? Has building their building become OUR existential need? Is it that we perceive such inability to build that building as an extension of our own failure, our loss, our defeat?

Let’s remember that EVEN IF they respond in kind obediently and we successfully build their building and EVEN IF we see our desired successes as their actual successes; the vacuums in our own lives will STILL be there; still mocking us; still telling us we’re incomplete.

Let’s help, support, assist our loved ones as and when required; BUT at the same time, let’s be conscious that fulfilling those vacuums in our lives is our own duty to self; and only our own action taken in our personal space is the only tool that’ll yield results. Let’s be there for others; but let’s be there for ourselves first.

#love #care #self_help #help #assistance #support #decision #choice #loved_ones #parent #parenting #child_care #career #partner #relationship #success #failure #past #present #future #awareness #freedom #personal_space #family #friends #emotion #feeling #thinking #depression #anxiety

Retaliation Is A Dish Best Served In Two Courses

You’ve been there.
In that moment of shock.
That moment of sheer insanity; lack of logic, reason and rationale; when bullies treat your natural retaliation to their bullyism as if it’s a crime; as if you’re the one asking for it; launching another assault on you to “punish” you for not being the perfect obedient victim; never mind that it was them who started that nonsense in the first place.

To strengthen oneself against bullyism, is to understand what it is. Awareness is the key.

Bullies are insecure creatures who misidentify you as a possible threat and choose friction as a default defense mechanism, thinking it’s best to beat you down before you rise up as an actuality of threat. They have their own system of thought processes that justify their action. Owing to that, there’s a fundamental belief that fuels bullyism. Bullies believe that they are naturally superior to their victims and thus the act of victimization is only a part of natural flow of life. This also essentially means that any retaliation from the victim to the act of victimization is perceived as an error in that “natural” course, something which, according to them, must be rectified immediately with another intense act of bullyism, violent and shocking, to discourage further retaliation. They have a constant need to feel secure by keeping you insecure; something they don’t see when you fight back; an act that shows your integrity and individuality; an act that exposes them to their inbuilt insecurity.

The key here, is to anticipate this will happen. Most people try to be logical. They think fighting back only in proportion to the first attack by a bully shall send the message to the bully, “You’re the one starting this. This is wrong. I punished you for that. Now we’re even; you should back off.” What we need to understand is that bullies don’t function logically. They surely do not follow your logic; or they wouldn’t have been bullies in the first place.

Retaliation must reach ahead of mere punishment or seek of justice. Remember that fighting back isn’t about the current act of bullyism; it must encompass all future possibilities of attacks and must cancel all of them out, here and NOW; for you don’t want to spend too much time and energy tackling such silly issues that keep you from your growth and progress. Retaliation must be for present and future too. It must be big and strong and powerful; it should be shocking and unnerving; it should be offensive as well as preparatory; it should be on multiple levels and layers; injected at multiple places. While your bullies reel after the shock of realising they messed with the wrong person, you should be busy erecting offensive defense measures at multiple places, restricting their affect further, closing down their reach of action, in real life practical terms.

Remember that this is survival. You must be good at it first, so that you can go ahead and have a good living out of mere survival.

#bully #bullyism #victim #abuse #assault #oppression #exploitation #retaliation #fight_back #resistance #self_defense #defense #offense #attack #war #fight #struggle #friction #crime #criminal #wiseguys #antisocial #antisocial_personality_disorder #mental_disorder #personality_disorder #strength #strong #power #counter_strike #terrorism

Distractions: Beat Them With Awareness

Distractions are the greatest foe in the path of success. To defeat that foe, is to anticipate those distractions will be there; know what they’d be before they come; know where they’d come from; and keep countermeasures ready in advance.

Most obvious distractions are in the form of material pleasure. They appeal to the basic human drive to engage in pursuit of happiness. Others engage us with sensuous proposals. Sex. Togetherness. Comforts. Most of them are a collage of what we think we deserve and our unconscious inclination to take a deep dive in debauchery and crash.

Other distractions come as sentimental appeals. Prides of castes and religion and family name and race and ethnicity teach us hatred, mistrust and abuse. Thanatos, the drive of negativity in us, compels us to find rational justifications for our urge to bully others. We find those justifications in sentimental frictions we maintain with multiple groups and communities on multiple layers of life we choose to see as our enemies; declaring ourselves as their victims and, thus, rational justice seekers. We glorify our bullyism, calling it rebellion. We lose tremendous energy, effort, focus and attention in such dramas; robbing ourselves of the same that we’d need for our success. Different isms appeal to our personal transferences – unresolved past issues, the pain of which we attribute to a specific group of people, based on genders and castes and economic classes, overgeneralizing few people’s behavior to their entire population. Feminism, masculinism, communism, socialism, certain social fads and trends in belief systems appeal to us to join their crowds; and we respond to that call. We lose our individual ability to think; we become followers; and no followers ever reach their destination.

Finally, the most dangerous of distractions is self-doubt. We meet co-passengers on the path toward our goals – men and women with same destination in mind but a different style of walk. Some of them get ahead of us. We notice their ways of work; we notice the differences; and we begin doubting our ways. We begin doubting our paths. We begin doubting everything, including if we are even compatible for the goal we have selected. It’s the most destructive and self-defeating illusion we place ourselves into. We lose our drive with lack of faith in ourselves; we lose focus; and we lag behind.

The key is awareness. The countermeasure is to stay true to what we are. For any of these distractions, the weapon we need to use is to remember that our choice of our goal defines what we want to turn into; and strength is about staying true to that future self. We need to ask ourselves, “What would that future successful self of me would do in this situation? Would I let go of this amazing path of logic, reason, rationale, effort, commitment, betterment I have taken? Would I agree to defeating myself? Would I agree to be an idiot?” And we need to listen to the answer. Consciously. For we aren’t our past selves anymore. There’s a reason we adopted this path; you see, we wanted certain status and stature and position in life; and we are living only to be that person now. Nothing else matters. The world doesn’t matter. Its beauty and ugliness doesn’t matter. Our pasts and our ancestors’ pasts and what happened to them or what’s happening now to someone else doesn’t matter. Everything else is mere illusion; our goal is the only truth. We stick to that truth for it’s glorious; for it makes perfect sense to be that man or that woman; for the journey is self-liberating; for the idea is more beautiful than anything else in universe; for it’s our choice and being at it is addictive.

No distractions

#success #goal #life_goal #objective #purpose #growth #personal_growth #ambition #aspiration #dreams #attention #focus #awareness #effort #work #resilience #distractions #sacrifice #achievement #improvement #betterment #advancement #progress #empowerment #transferences #sentiments #positive_thinking #strength #will_power #mind_power

Acceptance

… voice of love

Love is given.
Love is taken.
But love is complete, only when it’s shared.

Trust is expected.
Trust is hoped.
But trust is complete, only when it’s mutual.

You have a past.
I have a past.
Our present is complete, only when we both accept each other’s past.

You’re unique.
I’m unique.
We can be one, only when we both respect how different we are.

You aren’t perfect.
Neither am I.
We can be beautifully imperfect, only when we both accept each other’s limits…. along with our own.

You are from one place.
I’m from another.
We can reach the same place, only when we both are here, together.

You’ll hate something of me.
I’ll have some complaints too.
We’ll be able to build love out of it, only when you meet me halfway there.

I love you.
You love me.
Our love can turn into faith, only when we put all four feet in it.

#love #relationship #romance #couple #couple_counseling #issues #therapy #love_problems #stress #depression #anxiety #acceptance #appreciation #differences #breakup #boyfriend #girlfriend #husband #wife #divorce #be_there_for_you #trust #trust_issues #personality #agree_to_disagree #youth #awareness #understanding

Crowd & its Stencils

What’s our self-worth based on?
On how others see us?
Or on how we see ourselves?
Isn’t the former a distortion of the term?
Why do we let others be the judges, critics, evaluators?
Who are they? How do we see them?
Do they know better than us? About us?
Does the crowd always know better?
Do we choose to see it that way?
Is there a compulsion to see it that way?
Maybe because we believe we can’t possibly be correct in feeling positive for ourselves? That we’d always miscalculate?
Are we unconsciously lead to believe that it’s a sin? Why?

Why do we chase appreciation from others?
Is it because our self-acceptance is based on how others accept us?
Does it help us? Or does it defeat us?
Do we believe that we’d be nothing if people see us as nothing?
Do we realise that crowd is made of faceless people rushing to its shelter, out of the same insecurity we feel in accepting ourselves? Do we realise that such a crowd cannot possibly evaluate anyone; as they have nothing but scripts to do so and scripted evaluation systems can’t be generalised to all, for everyone is different than the other person?

Crowd doesn’t see us.
Crowd has a template, a stencil made out of some ideologies or isms or fads or fashions and trends or personal transferences.
Crowd places that stencil on us, without bothering about its compatibility with us.
Crowd rejects what doesn’t fit in the stencil; crowd criticises us for what’s left blank in the stencil; and most of what we are is hidden beneath the opaque part of the stencil; so they never see any of it.
And here we are, thinking “society knows what’s best”.
Here we are, cutting ourselves and adding what we never wanted to fit ourselves to that stencil; losing ourselves, losing our originality, becoming as faceless as that crowd, shifting to one nondescript indivisible in a flux of continuously shifting and unstable chaos.

Let’s be there, for ourselves.
Let’s be there, accepting ourselves.
Let’s be there, appreciating what we are.
Let’s celebrate that individuality.
Let no stencils born out of someone else’s insecurity define us.
Let’s be real.

#social #society #social_media #appreciation #admiration #acceptance #belief #belief_system #praise #self_acceptance #judgment #criticism #evaluation #likes #follow #follower #trend #fashion #hater #hate #online_abuse #bully #bullyism #empowerment #awareness #self #self_care #self_help

Perfection: Leader’s Approach

Perfection is journey.
Perfection is destination.
It’s both.
Perfection is an attitude on a path that transforms one into a singularity of precision by the time one reaches the end.
It takes patience.
It takes effort, consistent and progressive.

For some, it’s an inspiration.
For others, it’s a necessary motivation.
What one does to others to provide that motivation, separates a leader from a boss.

A boss would throw “deadlines” and stern warnings and memos and shouts and screams and leave his people to fetch for themselves.
Many believe that producing a negative, contorted and suffocating emotional atmosphere forces people to adapt toward positivity. It’s the same as pushing people in waters and hoping they’ll learn to swim. Some do; most sink; and those who learn also learn to find other waters; yours are too much pain. It yields nothing but grudge and distrust and loss of interest in the output production process. You’re left alone in the end.

A leader knows and appreciates that perfection is a result of triggering the unconscious drive of expressing the “Self”. A leader knows and accepts that people will have to arrive at that point. Which means, they have to begin a walk from a space of constructive atmosphere first, where they find encouragement to develop positive elements unique to their individual personalities; elements that have remained dormant so far; waiting for a channel to express out. A leader provides that atmosphere first; communicating healthily to people about what it’s all about; bringing them into confidence; letting them be a part of the entire picture; letting them see it’s for “all of us”; helping them see it’s an opportunity for personal growth as well; guiding and supporting and demonstrating how it’s done. A leader calculates the deadline he or she has and starts this process much earlier, buying time, giving the team ample chance to ease into that building zone, adapting.

A leader knows that perfection is evolution; and it’s a slow and steady process with continuous supply of effective positive stimuli. It doesn’t happen overnight; and surely not without any supply from the leader. You want people to learn swimming, you have to step into the water first.

#success #growth #perfection #boss #leader #team #team_work #aspiration #ambition #dreams #goal #objective #output #deadline #life_goal #inspiration #motivation #result #work #work_culture #office_atmosphere #business #job #employee #employee_relations #awareness #attention #focus #evolution #improvement

You.

You are there for you.

People come.
Some stay. Some go.
Some share laughs.
Some seed sorrows.
Some bring promises.
Some break promises.
Some stay a while.
Some stay for long.
Some should’ve stayed long.
Some should’ve never been there.

People may or may not value the heart you give them; but dear, YOU know its value.
Never forget it.
People know you since last station or since months or maybe a few years.
But you’ve been there in your life an entire lifetime. As love. For love.
One unshakable quantum of positivity.
Irrespective of the people in your life.
Be there to receive that love, from yourself.
Remember, you deserve it.
Others are desire; you are need.
Yes. What you think of yourself should never depend on how others treat you.
They don’t know you. You know you.

Be there as your best friend.
Be there as your best supporter.
Know who you are. Stay who you are.
You are precious. You are important.
You mean a lot.
Never break your own heart.
Never stop being who you are.
Never act outside your values.
Never let anyone hurt you;
but mostly, never let yourself hurt you.
Your needs are important. Your wants, your desires, your ambitions, your dreams, all are important.
You deserve your happiness.
Validate yourself as you are.
Always stay true to yourself.
Always respect yourself.
Remember, you are the hero or heroine of your life. Treat yourself in kind.

#love #respect #care #self_care #self_respect #heart_break #relationship #stay_true_to_yourself #people #sharing #be_there_for_yourself #value #principles #emotion #thinking #feeling #thought #positive_thinking #individuality #independency #precious #good_thought #righteous #validate #affection #friend #social #society #counseling #empowerment

Fight No War Twice

War is bad.
War is unnecessary.
But when it’s there, it teaches.
About us.
About where we’re strong.
About where we’re weak.
It’s useful data.
Use it.

War isn’t about good versus evil.
War is about a bully who identifies what can be exploited in a victim, that’s it.
Victims might’ve beat their own limits today; empowered the self to beat the bullies at their own game; but remember –
if you don’t wish to be victimized further;
if you don’t wish to continue this deconstructive stream of energy locked in mere brawl for survival;
if you want more out of life than this daily madness; if you want peace and progress and construction and heights of life;
then get introspective.

Know where you got attacked today.
Know why they chose it.
Know how to fortify it.
Take it a step further and ask yourself, where else would you attack you, if you were the bad guy? Identify all your weaknesses; and get active in an action plan to continuously improve upon yourself, on a daily basis.
Remove all possibilities that you might be attacked; only then you can lead a life more significant than daily fight-or-flight chaos.

Self-improvement isn’t “a” choice, my friend.
It’s the basic essence of why we are here.
It’s the fundamental expression of separating human life, as a creative conscious life-form, out of base animalistic struggle for survival.
Only the strong are fit for life.
Only the fortified live on and live long.

Make sure you won’t have to fight the same war twice.

#war #fight #survival #struggle #bully #bullyism #victim #victimization #defense #self_defense #awareness #introspection #understanding #improvement #strength #empowerment #self_empowerment #betterment #progress #development #action #action_plan #strategy #weakness #exploitation #fortification #constructive #power #survival_of_the_fittest #transformation

Check Your “Please Others” Drive

It’s the easiest thing in life for them.
Keeping expectations from you.
As easy as criticizing and judging you when you don’t, or can’t, fulfill those expectations.

Today’s special performance becomes tomorrow’s basic expectation.
Do something nice for people today and they praise you.
Tomorrow they stare at you with an upturned eyebrow, letting you know that they expect an addition to that nicety.
Today it was a surprise for them; tomorrow it’s demand.
Hungry for their appreciation and admiration, you obey.
You pay a huge cost for that.
You strive. You toil. You spend lot of time and energy and effort and focus pleasing others. Losing the same for yourself. Losing on your own dreams and desires and needs for someone else’s demands.

The expectations add up. Pile up. Bulk up.
Some of them are innocents. They don’t realize they are taking you for grated for their pleasure.
Some of them are no innocents. They know exactly what they are doing to you. They methodically bottleneck their appreciation. Hooked up on that appreciation, you do more, strive more, sacrifice more, and they profit out of it.

Hurts?
If yes, then remember; it was you who started it.
And you can end it.
It was a choice to let their admiration define your self-worth.
Undo that choice. With awareness.
Desiring appreciation from others is OK; but don’t see it as an existential need. It isn’t. You need only your own acceptance for yourself as you are. Only you can define your self-worth. Know that you’re entitled to be there for your desires, your needs, your wants. Nobody has any right to take you away from it; especially not you.

Stop pleasing others.
Your life is much more than how others see it.
Be yourself.

#expectation #demand #desire #please_others #appreciation #admiration #acceptance #self_acceptance #needs #wants #dreams #self_worth #self_esteem #be_yourself #society #peer_pressure #social_life #people #criticism #judging #judgment #positive_stroke #negative_stroke #drives #psychology #choice #awareness #think_different

Two Kind of Bullies

Remember school?
Remember bullies?
Remember decency being mistaken for weakness?
Remember your patience being exploited for someone’s idea of entertainment?
Remember fighting back, when enough was enough?
Remember teachers who saw only that latter half of the fight, when you were on top of the bully?
Remember the punishments for your “shocking lack of discipline” and “disrespect for authority” and “violent nature”?

Remember kindergarten when someone claimed your ruler to be theirs?
Remember that teacher who just broke that ruler in half and gave a part each to you two and thought nothing more of it?

This world is full of bullies;
and then it’s also full of cartoons who like to think they’ve figured out the perfect systems to administrate that world.
They create laws. Rules.
They talk about ethics and morals.
They love the idea of patronising entire population.
Helps them hide the vacuums in their own lives and stay above it all, in power.
They don’t like it when you fight bullies.
They don’t like it when you make them see that a huge space of chaos exists outside the pathetic boundaries of their incomplete laws and ethics and morals; where bullies roam freely because they can, easily; and fighting back is the only option; because the alternative is complete defeat of any sanity in life.
They don’t like you proving it to them that they and their systems are a joke bouncing off the irrationality and entropy of a degrading society.

Remember one thing in life.
Retaliation for one act of bullyism must come with three faces.
One for the current attack on you.
One to discourage the next attack those bullies would think of, to avenge the “insult” they just felt after your retaliation.
And one to cancel out the restrictions those authoritarian clowns would want to place on you to make their systems look nice and sweet.

Be aware. Stay focused. Stay vigilant.
Know how you will have to retaliate; against whom.
Awareness is key to survival.
Get them all.

Life Empowerment Coach

Nigdi Pune India

#survival #fight #fight_back #bully #bullyism #rule #law #moral #morality #ethics #oppression #attack #exploitation #retaliation #awareness #decay #degradation #society #social #vanquished #express_out #voice_out #rebel #revolution #attention #strength #be_prepared #authority #boundaries #warfare

Value of Knowledge: Its Usability

There’s information;
and then there’s knowledge.

Many have information.
Few have knowledge.
Many read a ton; but have no significant victories to show in life.
Many know only a few specific ideas; but they come out as the winners in life.
Many can discuss everything from quantum mechanics to biotechnology; but spend their lives filling up MS Excel worksheets in their workplaces, striving for others’ dreams. And those others can’t even list all nine planets in the solar system serially; but they live lives king-size.
Seems irrational.
It isn’t.
The difference is approach.

Before you know anything, know one thing:
Your knowledge has value only as its usability.
You should be able to implement, apply, use what you know, to its fullest potential.
What differs the winners from the well-informed losers is that winners get to know how to use what they know; whereas the losers stuff their brains with too much information without ever asking how to use it.

Remember,
(a) Winners focus their attention to a specific field; so that they can make their entire span of attention and energy available to it. They focus on practicality of things; they don’t care about sentimental prestige of an overloaded brain.
(b) Winners focus at mechanisms of application of information; they stay focused on making profit out of what they know.
(c) Winners use the experience of that applied knowledge to bring precision to further implementations; so that they can have their own brand of applicability for what they know, something that suits their own way of work. They personalize the process of use of their knowledge. That’s how they win.

#success #result #knowledge #growth #focus #awareness #attention #information #data #use #usability #applicability #implementation #precision #reading #wisdom #ambition #life_goals #career #jobs #business #jack_of_all #master_of_none #monopoly #corporate #profit #positive_thinking #useful #winner

One More Rep

One more rep.
One more step.
One more try.
One more. Beyond your limit.

You are exactly how much you do.
What you are at present, is defined by how much action you take in present moment.

You pushed yourself to your limits.
Good. But nothing to congratulate here.
You did only what you could have.
What’s so special about it?
What’s so special about doing what your current capacities allow?
You think being sincere on the walk, on the effort, without fail, “all the way” upto the limit, is glorious? Sure it is; but do you think it’s the only glory you need?
You think that “good boy” or “good girl” nature will suffice?
It won’t.
Pushing yourself just upto your limit will only make you better at visiting that limit repeatedly; but it will keep that limit exactly right there. With you locked in the space enclosed by it.

What separates your winner self from your present self, is what you do AFTER you reach your limits.
You push yourself BEYOND that limit; and you realise you ACTUALLY could. Meaning, the limit was a lie. A boundary you convinced yourself you had. A perimeter convenient for a comfort zone.
A self-defeating illusion.
You CROSS that boundary, and you step into the ACTUAL space of growth where –
you notice things you haven’t yet;
you do things you haven’t yet;
you gain capacities you hadn’t yet;
you set records you haven’t yet;
you achieve things you haven’t yet.
And THAT, my friend, is where winning happens.

It’s the PROGRESS in action that reflects as progress in life. You can add quantity; or you can add quality; or you may want to add both; and so long as you’re sincere about the idea of CROSSING yesterday’s limits today, each and every day, THAT’S when you’re really winning.
By progressing in action, you become a different and new person each day, with different and new abilities; inching closer to the full form compatible, eligible to receive your success.
Yes, you don’t reach success; you build yourself into that success.

#success #growth #goal #life_goal #aspiration #ambition #dreams #objective #inspiration #motivation #effort #action #positive_thinking #pushing_limits #progressive_overload #progress #result #accomplishment #achievement #bodybuilding #powerbuilding #strength #empowerment #career #business #be_legend #think_big #do_more #winner #new

When They Throw Rocks, Build a Castle

“They kept throwing rocks.
I built a fortress out of it.
They kept throwing metal scrap.
Soon, I forged swords.
They kept screaming at me.
Inspired me to roar.
Then they were nowhere to be seen.”
– A Student of Life

There’s a use. For everything.
Even rocks.
Especially the ones they throw at you.

It seems like criticism.
Judgment. Mockery. Hate. Abuse.
But actually it’s data.
Data about your strengths they’re jealous of.
Data about your weaknesses you need to root out before someone exploits them.
Data about that unique element in you which, if allowed to express completely and naturally, will lead you on a path compatible with you to reach your life-goals.

And it’s a proof that you aren’t a part of that self-defeating crowd.
A proof of your individuality.
A proof of your uniqueness.
Something to be cherished and cultivated and improved; for it’s exactly what leads to your success.
No bastard has won any battles of life by being a faceless chunk in a faceless crowd that can only shriek and scream and waste time blaming others for their inabilities.

Those rocks they throw at you tell you what you are.
They may as well be the building blocks to strengthen and fortify your uniqueness further; so that you can express your unique personality to its fullest potential and rip success out of all the depressing circumstances around you.

Do not fret over that criticism and hate, my friend.
Lions don’t bother about sheep’s opinions.
Use the data made available to you and be big. Be strong. Stand out.
And keep expressing.
Soon, the roars of your success shall put out the screams of their judgment.

#success #growth #criticism #judgment #hatred #jealousy #bullyism #oppression #abuse #verbal_abuse #motivation #be_strong #strength #power #empowerment #struggle #personality_development #pain #hurt #feelings #emotion #mockery #expression #fortification #building_blocks #ambition #winner #awareness

Forward & Up

“I want to win.”
“So win.”
“I want to reach high.”
“Do it. No one has stopped you.”
“These troubles have.”
“They haven’t.”
“They come one after the other.”
“That’s great news.”
“Don’t give me that positive-thinking crap.”
“I’m not. I’m describing a truth as it is.”
“It’s not great news. Each new trouble is bigger, greater, taller than the last.”
“As in, stairs of a staircase?”
“Exactly.”
“Exactly what makes it great.”
“What the hell is so great about it?”
“You want to reach high. You’ve got a staircase. There you go.”
“Huh?”
“Your problem isn’t your challenges; your problem is how you see them. You want an easy walk. You can have one; but a walk on a flat ground leads to no greater altitudes, my friend. It keeps you forever on the same level as you always were. And that’s nobody’s idea of success. You want to go up, you’ll have to do more, strive more; you’ll have to CLIMB instead of walking. A climb asks for a staircase; you’ve got one. OF COURSE your challenges are getting taller; that’s what they’re supposed to do. Winning them gives you a step to set foot on; a step higher than the last one; placing you higher, stronger, taller. Look behind you. You aren’t where you were when you began this journey, this climb. You’re at a better, bigger place than what you were; you’re progressing. You’re advancing. You’re moving forward and up. You can stop yourself here if you want; but be honest and ask yourself, do you really have no strength left? Seriously? Who are you kidding? Your fatigue isn’t physical; it’s psychological; born out of a choice to see these stairs as a ‘problem’. Undo that choice. Replace it with a realistic vision of what it all really is. Keep at it. You’ve got this. Rest for a moment, drink some water, take a deep breath; get right back into it. It’s not a ‘daily grind’. Stop stopping yourself with useless self-defeating thoughts. It’s a glorious path toward success that you chose for yourself, for your dreams, for your goals. Stay true to that future winner-self.”

#success #growth #result #winner #progress #advancement #achievement #goal #life_goals #aspiration #ambition #dreams #dedication #commitment #inspiration #motivation #focus #awareness #positive_thinking #idea #winning_mindset #choice #vision #empowerment #strength #resilience #reach_high #think_big #lifestyle #corporate

Present: Detached from Past

Do we respond?
Or do we react?
What’s the difference?

Response is an action on the present.
Reaction is also an action on the present; but it’s structured out of a past incident the likes of which we see in the present.
Which basically makes it an action on an unresolved past.

Sometimes we react to the present the same way we did to its look-alike event in the past; in which case it’s a “pattern”.
Other times, we react to the present the way we decided we should, last time a similar thing happened to us.

For example, a while back you were in a party and you encountered a bunch of people in a corner glancing at you every once in a while and gossipping; which you perceived as an attack on you: “How do they dare?” At that time, you said nothing, did nothing; but that inaction hurt. You came home and decided, next time something like this happens, you’ll confront them. Today, again, in a different place, you notice a couple of people looking at you and saying something to each other – and the past screams, “look, it’s happening again.” So you get angry and march toward them and scream, “What are you clowns talking about?” They freeze, going into shock. One of them manages to say, “I saw your clothing and told my friend I wanted to have this same peace last time I went to the mall…” The person’s face tells you it’s true; your anger was for nothing; and now you’ve embarrassed yourself.

Always remember that the present has its own distinct presence. Here and now. Never see it from the viewpoint of past.
Agreed, that you’ve seen the past repeating itself many times over; but it doesn’t mean it always will. No assumptions.
Let’s make a habit of checking the present and formulating an Adult response to it.
Let’s make a habit of managing a situation to get useful outcomes out of it, instead of reacting to it.
Let’s detach from the past.
Let’s choose the present by choosing our responses to it.

#react #reaction #response #past #present #transference #emotion #sentiment #feeling #thinking #thought #choice #pattern #sentiment #hurt #pain #anger #anger_management #emotional_management #Adult_Ego_State #Transactional_Analysis #Power_Of_Now #Here_And_Now #personality #awareness #conscious

लढवय्या !

…कुणा योद्ध्याचे शब्द.

“मी थांबत नाही.

मी लढायचा थांबत नाही.
आजची “लढाई” हरली हे कारण “युद्ध” थांबवण्यासाठी पुरवणं – मला पटतच नाही.
हरणं नसतंच असं नाही.
हरून थांबणं नसावं, एवढंच.
बापहो,
नाही, त्यात उदात्त वगैरे काही नाही.
ही मस्ती आहे माझी.
दोन फुट उंचीचा असल्यापासूनची.
बाकी काही नाही.

वयाच्या तिसऱ्या वर्षी वडील गेले. स्वप्न पाहणाऱ्या पोरसवदा गरिबीला आणि आईच्या धीराला पोरकं करून गेले. भावंडांच्या गर्दीने एका भाकरीचे तुकडे तरी किती करावेत हा प्रश्न निरुत्तर केला. आईने मामाकडे राहायला पाठवलं. पर्याय नव्हता. मामेभावांच्या ताटात एक भाकर आपल्याहून जास्त पडताना रोज पाहिली. परिस्थितीने आधी परीक्षा घेऊन मग शाळा घ्यायला सुरुवात केली. आयुष्याने अबोल तडजोड शिकवली; तिथेच पोटातला जाळ मनात पेटून “मोठं” होण्याची ईर्ष्या जन्मली.

चौथीत होतो. शाळा बदलली.
पहिले दोन दिवस मधल्या सुटीत मागल्या बाकावरची पोरं मला मारायला यायची. खास.
का? तो प्रश्नच नव्हे.
मुद्दा एवढाच, की मला मारणं ही त्यांची इच्छा होती.
आणि स्वत:ला वाचवणं ही माझी गरज होती.
गरज इच्छेपुढे धावणं निकडीचं होतं.
ते चौघं असायचे. मी एकटा.
पहिल्या दिवशी मुतारीत अंगावर धावूनच आले.
मामाच्या सधन घरची शिकवण होती, आपण प्रथम हात नाही उगारायचा.
तो नियम मी पहिल्याच दिवशी मोडला.
चौघं एकाला मारायला येतात; तेव्हा नीति-नियमांची भीड ठेवून चालत नसतं.
नियम करणाऱ्यांवर कधी हल्ला झालेला नसतो.
पहिला घाव आपलाच हवा.
मीच आधी धरून बुकलायला सुरुवात केली. अर्थात, एकाच्या पलीकडे मजल गेली नाही. एकावरच लक्ष केन्द्रीत करून बुकलण्याच्या नादात तिघं तसेच राहीले होते. माझा लगेच फुटबॉल झाला. रक्ताळलेल्या चेहऱ्याने शिकवलं – लक्ष्य गाठायचं असेल तर लक्ष चौफेर हवं. अर्जूनाला दिसला असेल पक्ष्याचा डोळाच फक्त; कर्णाला मात्र एकावेळी संपूर्ण वन नजरेत घेण्याचं महत्व कळलं होतं. कारण हल्ले अनेक दिशांनी येतात आणि प्रतिहल्लेही तसेच हवेत. सर्वदिशांच्या प्रतिहल्ल्यासाठी आपल्याला उपलब्ध राहता यायला हवं. त्यासाठी कमीत कमी वेळेत एकेक हल्ला तोडता यायला हवा.

दुसऱ्या दिवशी चार सेकंदात चौघांना कानफटवून मी बाहेर पडलो. चूक झाली. संध्याकाळी चौघं परत आले, दात-ओठ खात, मी बेसावध असताना. तिथे लक्षात आलं, गुंड हा प्रकार कसा असतो ते. तुम्ही मार मुकाट्याने खाणं, हे हवं असतं त्यांना. तुमचा प्रतिकार हा अपमान वाटतो त्यांना. आपणच आधी सुरुवात केली होती हे सोयिस्कर विसरतात ते. त्यांच्या दुसऱ्या वेळच्या हल्ल्यासाठीचं नैतिक कारण समजतात ते तुमच्या प्रतिकाराला. त्यामुळे प्रतिकार हा नुसता प्रतिकार राहता कामा नये. त्यातून उपयोगाचं काम व्हायला हवं. नुसतं कानफटवणं उपयोगाचं नसतं. आपल्या पहिल्या वेळच्या क्रिया एका अशा पातळीवर परिणामकारक हव्यात; ज्यात त्या भविष्यातल्या दुसऱ्या वेळच्या हल्ल्याच्या शक्यता नेस्तनाबूत होतील. पहिल्याच प्रहारात हिशेब चुकता झाला पाहीजे. कानफटात नाही; ठोसा हवा; आणि तो ठोसा पावलांपासून उसळत, अख्ख्या शरीराच्या वजनाने भारलेला हवा. पोरं फटाफट फुटली.

पण परत मी मार खाल्ला !
शिक्षकांनी मला पाहीलं होतं!!
तिथे पुढचा धडा मिळाला.
संकट येताना त्याच्या सोयीच्या ठिकाणी येतं; मुकाबला करताना आपण त्याला आधी आपल्या सोयीच्या ठिकाणी न्यावं. शत्रूने निवडलेल्या रणांगणावर, आणि शत्रूने निवडलेल्या वेळेत, कधी युद्ध लढू नये.

जिवंत राहण्याच्या लढाईने जगणं शिकवलं.
नुसतं जिवंत राहणं हा मुद्दाच नव्हता.
त्यापल्याड जगणं हवं होतं. विधायक. रचनात्मक.
जिवंत राहण्याच्या अट्टहासानेच ती रचना शिकवली.
जिंकणं हा हेतू कधीच नव्हता.
ते साधन होतं.
हवं असलेलं जगणं मिळवण्याचं.
हेतू तो होता.
त्या ईर्ष्येने जिंकण्याची ताकद दिली.
म्हणून जिंकणं होत गेलं.
लहानपणी कुत्रं पाहीलं होतं. त्याला हवं असलेलं हाडुक ते मिळवतंच. कुठूनही. कसंही. हाडुक चघळण्याची त्याची ईर्ष्याच त्याला मार्ग सुचवते.
त्या कुत्र्याने मला ही एक उपयोगाची गोष्ट शिकवल्ये.
हट्ट महत्वाचा. हट्टाशिवाय काहीही मिळत नाही. ज्याच्या मनात महत्वाकांक्षेची आग पेटल्ये, त्याला प्रोत्साहनाच्या मशाली लोकांनी आपल्यासाठी पेटवाव्यात ही गरज उरत नाही. Inspiration is better than motivation. त्याच आगीच्या प्रकाशात अंधारातले रस्तेही दिसू लागतात.

अर्थात, या रचनात्मक, सकारात्मक जगण्यात अडथळे अनेकदा आलेच.
पाचवीत असताना कार्यानुभवासाठी मी दिवसभर कष्ट करून तयार केलेलं पुठ्ठ्याचं घर शाळेत नेत असताना आठवीतल्या पोरांच्या टोळक्यानं ते हातातून हिसकावलं; आणि रस्त्यावर आपटून मोडून टाकलं. माझ्या सृजनावर थुंकलंही गेलं; आणि सृजनशीलतेचा खून पडावा म्हणून मला कानफटातही मारलं गेलं. कानातून आलेल्या रक्ताने सांगितलं, सृजन नुसतं सुंदर असून चालत नसतं. ते भक्कमही कर. आणि हो, जे नाजूक आहे ते कोणत्या प्रकारच्या वृत्तींसमोर उघडं करतोयस, ते आधीच तपासून घे. एकतर त्या वृत्तींना तूच अगोदर संपव; ते नसेल शक्य तर सुंदरतेला ओंगळतेचं पांघरूण घालायला शीक. Camouflage. या युद्धात समोरच्याचं लक्ष वेधून घेणं आणि दुसऱ्याच्या लक्षात न येणं, हे दोन्ही जमायला हवं. मागच्या वर्षी बनवलेला किल्ला हातात घेऊन दुसऱ्या दिवशी मी परत त्याच रस्त्यावर. टोळकं वाट पाहातच होतं. मी सरळ किल्ला खाली ठेवला आणि मागे सरकलो. त्यांनी किल्ल्याला हात लावता क्षणी आतले वात एकत्र केलेले तीन सुतळी बॉम्ब फुटले. मी वात दूर असतानाच पेटवली होती. किल्ल्याच्या तटबंदीने माझा हात लपवला होता. वात जळायला किती वेळ लागतो हे निरीक्षणाने शिकवलं होतंच. पोरं दोन महिने शाळेत आलीच नाहीत.

पण आयुष्यात यश मिळवण्यासाठी युद्धापलीकडलं स्वयं-प्रशासन हवं असतं. मारामाऱ्या करून राज्य मिळवता येतं; पण मिळवलेलं टिकवायचं असेल, वाढवायचं असेल, तर विचारांच्या सढळ वापराने स्वयं-शिस्तीचा कारभार लागतो. बुद्धी आणि अक्कल यात फरक असतो. बुद्धी जन्मजात असते; अक्कल अनुभवांच्या व्यवहारी अभ्यासाने येते. तो अभ्यास सतत करत राहीलो. विवेकाच्या कसोटीवर जीवनध्येयं निश्चित केली. त्याच विवेकाचं भान ठेवून धूर्त दूरदृष्टी विकसित केली. आराखडे, म्हणजे plans तयार केले; आखलेल्या मार्गावर सरळसोट चालताना अचानक स्थळ-काल-सापेक्ष परिस्थिती आश्चर्याचे धक्के देईल, हे आधीच ओळखून improvisation अंगी बाणवलं; म्हणजे परिस्थितीनुसार उपलब्ध चीजवस्तूंचा जगावेगळा वापर करून वेळ निभावून न्यावी लागते, हे शिकलो. Think out of the box, हे जमावं म्हणून मुळात कुठले खोके मनाभोवती बांधलेच नाहीत. तिथे हे ही लक्षात आलं, की या improvisation साठी गरजेची असलेली वृत्ती, ती म्हणजे कौशल्यांची सतत वृद्धी. रोजचा सूर्योदय का होतो? या प्रश्नाचं उत्तर म्हणजे, सतत निरनिराळ्या क्षमता घडवत राहताना माणसाला पायाखालची सावली दिसावी, जी अंधकार अजून कुठे उरलाय, ते दाखवते. तिचं ऐकून प्रकाशासाठी सतत वाहतं राहावं. जीवन प्रवाही असतं; आणि जगणं अनुकूलन क्षमता म्हणजे adaptation मधून प्रवाही राहतं.

जगण्याच्या युद्धाने अभ्यासू बनवलं. जगण्याच्या वृत्तींचा अभ्यास घडवला. त्यातून सजगता आली. सावधानता आली. मनोवृत्ती अगदी नेणिवेच्या पातळीपासून उत्क्रांत होत गेल्या. लढण्याची तंत्रं विकसित झाली. समोरच्यावर बेहोष तुटून पडणं कधी करावं; आणि जागचं न उठता शत्रूच्या मनावर मोहिनी घालून डावपेचांचे खेळ कुठे करावेत; हे दोन्ही समजलं. पुढे कसं जावं ते विवेकानंदांनी सांगितलं. मिळवलेलं कसं सांभाळावं ते चाणक्याने समजावलं. मित्रांसाठी कसं समर्पित व्हावं ते कर्णाने समजावलं. ठकांशी महाठक कसं असावं ते कृष्णनीतीने शिकवलं.

या युद्धाने शस्त्रं कशी पैदा करावीत ते तर समजावलंच; पण ती कुठे कधी कशी वापरावीत, ते खास लक्षात आणून दिलं. जिंकण्यासाठी एक विशिष्ट प्रकारचा निर्लज्जपणा आवश्यक असतो. अपयश रोजच्या रोज मार देत असताना तो मार कोडगेपणाने खाता यायला हवा. आणि करण्यासारखं दुसरं काही नाहीच, अशा थाटात परत त्याच संघर्षात झोकून देता यायला हवं. आक्रंदणाऱ्या भावनांचं न ऐकता. भळभळलेल्या आत्मसन्मानाची लक्तरं जखमांवर बांधून. आपल्याला पाहून हसणाऱ्या आणि वेडावून दाखवणाऱ्या समाजशिष्टांच्या गराड्यात, तिथेच, उभं ठाकता यायला हवं. परिस्थितीचा बेताल कंठ कोरडा होईपर्यंत.

आजवर मिळवलंय बरंच.
आणि गमवलंयही.
सुरू केलेली लढाई थांबवायची कधीच नसते; पण प्रत्येक लढाई लढण्याच्या लायकीची असतेच असं नसतं.
हेही कळलंय आता.
गौरवाचं प्रत्येक तोंड आपल्यासाठी नसतं; आणि अपमानाचा प्रत्येक शब्द प्रतिक्रियेच्या लायकीचा नसतो.
योद्ध्याने जिंकणं आणि भांडणं यातल्या फरकाचं विस्मरण होऊ द्यायचं नसतं.
दुनियेकडून लाड-कौतुक करून घेण्याच्या नादात आपले स्वत:चे काही मोती गमवलेत, ते हे शिक्षण मिळायचं होतं, म्हणूनच बहुतेक.

जे जिंकलंय, ते आपल्याबरोबरच्या, खरोखर आपल्यासाठी झुरणाऱ्या, आपल्यावर प्रेम करणाऱ्या सकारात्मक जीवांसमोर समर्पित करणं, हेच योद्ध्याच्या जेतेपणाचं सार असतं.

सकारात्मकतेच्या माझ्या साथीच्या कैवाऱ्यांनो,
तुजसाठी मरण ते जनन।
तुजवीण जनन ते मरण।।

– © अपूर्व विकास

#मराठी #लेख #लढा #संघर्ष #प्रेरणा #विजेता #लढाऊ_बाणा #यश #यशस्वी #कौशल्ये #सकारात्मक #विचार #marathi #fight #struggle #success #warrior #growth #skills #ambition #aspiration #inspiration #motivation #win #winner #achievement #attitude #positive_thinking

Choose to Win, NOW

Win today.
Win this hour.
Win this moment.
Win, all the time.
Win, all of it.

It’s a choice.
Make it.
Be the best of what you are.
Do the best of what you can.
Make the best of thought.
Make the best of daring.
Make the best dialogue.
Make the best of effort.
Live each moment as if it’s the sole most important moment of your life. For it is.
It’s the present. It’s here and now.
It’s what’s available to you.
Give it your best.

You’re at the best place of your life. Yes.
You’re at the best time of your life. Yes.
Let no illusions trick you.
Let things look bad.
It’s an opportunity.
To do the unthinkable. Unexpected.
Out of the box.
Laugh at your troubles.
Say to them, “You versus me, pal? Fine. You asked for it. Watch me. Here I come.”

Winning is a choice.
You might’ve made that choice long ago.
Don’t sprawl on it.
Make it anew.
Each moment. Every moment.
Choose to win. Spend the present making it; and taking action accordingly.
Let your action speak of that choice.
Of how brilliant it is.
How glorious.
That choice keeps you motivated. Dedicated. Committed. Focused. Consistent.
At it.

You’re winning.
By being engaged in it.
You’re winning.

#success #winning #growth #choice #ambition #aspiration #inspiration #motivation #dedication #commitment #focus #achievement #result #empowerment #progress #development #betterment #life_goals #goal #decision #strength #positive_thinking #leader #self_help #gains #coaching #career #business #dreams #improvement

Mindfulness

Sense. And response.
Thinking. Feeling. Action.
That’s our existence.
To be aware of that existence with its entirety, is mindfulness.
Reality is made out of what we sense, which shifts. It changes with each passing moment.
To be mindful, is to keep the consciousness tuned to the present, here and now.
As Eckhart Tolle says, “die to the past immediately”, and keep yourself awake in the present.

The challenge, of course, is emotion.
Emotion has a grip to it.
It places a degree of viscosity to the flow of reality; it slows us down; makes us drag feet.
It impacts our conscious too much to die to the past quickly.
Some see this as weakness. They focus on learning to deny themselves those emotions.
They only end up in a suspended limbo of needing to be emotionless; and failing in it; because mind doesn’t allow us to cease being human. Mind must feel.

The remedy is in knowing what is a “feel”.
Feeling is emotionalized thought.
Emotion originates physiologically. In the body. As a disturbance in the nervous system. But then mind gets a counsel from past experience and places thought in the emotion, leading to a “feeling”.
That superimposition of past on present keeps us from being fluid with the present.
To move on, calls for learning to be aware that mind plays such tricks; knowing and accepting they’ll be there.
To be in here and now, calls for learning to keep the sense of such a trick on a parallel level of awareness, when mind plays it. It’s OK that it’s there; the idea is to let it happen; complete its emotional course of bounce and re-bounce, all in that moment; and then choosing to let go of it.

To let go, it helps that seeing present from the viewpoint of past is mere innocence of an undisciplined mind. Truth is, present has its own beginning in the present itself; past has no necessary connect with it.
It also helps to know that what just happened, is already past, by the time we realise it happened; so getting locked with it will only keep us from knowing what’s currently happening at present.

Feeling is useful. It tells us how we are currently choosing to see things, and that’s important because It’s always different than what actually happened. Feelings tell us what we are; we can see if what we are is useful or not; we can choose to work on it, if it isn’t. Thus, feeling is nothing but data. About the self.
Mindfulness doesn’t deny emotion.
It provides a tool to use that emotion to our benefit.

#emotion #feeling #thinking #thought #sense #here_and_now #present #past #focus #attention #awareness #knowing #understanding #data #self #self_help #mindlessness #expression #mind #conscious #unconscious #power_of_now #Eckhart_Tolle #psychology #emotional_management

Patience is Affirmation to Success

“I know why I don’t succeed.”
“Why?”
“I have no patience.”
“Why?”
“I hate all the waiting.”
“Who said it’s all about waiting?”
“What else is there?”
“What about the facility of available time?”
“Facility?”
“You wish success?”
“Of course.”
“How do you see it? Journey or destination?”
“Destination.”
“Wrong.”
“Then… journey?”
“Wrong.”
“Huh?”
“It’s both, my friend.”
“How can it be both?”
“The journey itself is the destination.”
“Meaning?”
“Being successful isn’t a state. It’s a lifestyle. It’s here and now. The journey is a walk. Your walk is a choice. A choice that defines you, develops you, improves you, evolves you. The walk is an affirmation to be better, stronger, significant. That affirmation is success. Choosing success, through action, is success itself. The walk generates an eligibility for you; makes you worthy to have what you wish.”
“So where does patience fit in?”
“Patience is being honest to that eligibility; being honest to the dream. It’s about staying true to the goal; consciously instilling that you want what you want, that you deserve it. Patience is determination, dedication, commitment to your own desire. Patience is never just about waiting. It’s not about sitting nice and sweet on a bench, staring at a clock. To be patient isn’t being inactive; it’s about being active. It’s about applying yourself. It’s about acting upon your dreams. The time won’t seem boring when you’re active, on a moment to moment basis.”

#success #patience #result #growth #ambition #aspiration #dreams #goal #life_goal #inspiration #motivation #positive_thinking #effort #work #commitment #dedication #determination #focus #apply_yourself #energy #leadership #winner #achievement #consistency #pushing_limits #time #resources

Smart Working on Hard Work

“Teacher?”
“Yes, my child?”
“I find this task quite difficult.”
“Oh, I see.”
“The slope is too much. And these weights are too much. And there are too many of them. I can carry two of them, maximum, at a time. It’ll take too many rounds, up and down the hill, to get them all up at the summit.”
“Oh, I see.”
“It’s donkey work. Mindless drudgery.”
“Oh, I see.”
“You know what; I have a solution in mind.”
“And what’d that be, son?”
“That cart, over there. I can place all these weights in it. Haul the cart up the hill in a single go. Get it done in much less time.”
“Oh, I see.”
“It’ll be smart, right?”
“You tell me.”
“I think it will be. But…”
“But?”
“But then again, it’ll be too much weight for me to haul in a single go. Too much effort. Crap, does this have no happy ending?”
“Sure it does.”
“How?”
“One way or the other, you get the job done. That’s a happy ending.”
“No; but that’s destination. What about this journey?”
“My son, your idea of hard work is ‘mindlessness’; while your idea of smart work seems to be ‘less efforts’. It doesn’t work on either account. The use of cart surely shows us your inclination for a smarter choice over a harder one; and that’s appreciable; but that in itself isn’t the entire picture of smart work. Smart work is really about choosing a smart way for hard work. Oh yes, hard work will always be there. Being smart about it means choosing a way specifically suitable for you, in which that hard work will yield useful results for you. It’s about knowing your strengths and applying them in best way possible. You can climb backward up the hill, pulling the cart, if your back and biceps are strong. You can climb facing the hill, pushing the cart, if your chest and triceps are strong. Whether you hold the handles of the cart at shoulder height or hips, depends on whether you have strong shoulders or strong lower back. You select a way in contrast to your strengths, you’ll be in pain. You select a way suitable to those strengths, you’ll still have to apply yourself with all you have; but it’ll be a manageable effort as it’ll be compatible with you. It’s your approach and choice that turns hard work into smart work.”
“I see it now, teacher.”
“Find your compatibility, son. Go hard on that choice. That’s why I brought you here today. Go and win this.”

#success #goal #life_goal #aspiration #ambition #inspiration #motivation #growth #objective #hard_work #smart_work #smart #choice #strength #know_yourself #improvisation #adaptation #evolution #result #gain #achievement #corporate #career #business #task #project #deadline #empowerment #awareness #focus

Fire Another Torch

Down the cave he marched.
And the cave was deep.
It was darker than the abyss of hell.
He was blind but for the torch in his hand.
The torch had helped him till here.
The path was long; and full of pits.
The light was dim; but it was better than no light.
The torch fluttered. Burnt wood. Low oil. Less light.
He realised he needed a replacement.
Without much thought, he put it out.
Sudden darkness engulfed him.
Back of his brain screamed a silent scream of fear. “Perhaps I made a mistake”, he thought.
He reached behind his back, to get the fresh twig of wood he had collected a while ago.
It slipped out of his hand; he heard its fall to the unforgiving ground of the cave.
Hasty and breathless, he checked himself for the matchbox, hoping to strike a match and shed some light. He fished it out; but in his rush his foot struck a rock; he slipped.
The vial of oil at his belt, the one he needed to fire the twig, got crushed under his weight.
The crash of the vial made his predicament explode in his brain with sheer panic.
He was alone. In the dark. And blind.
He had made a grave mistake, rushing to put the first torch out.
His panic made him mad.

You, my friend, may be carrying such a torch right now.
Thinking about quitting it?
Quitting your job?
Quitting your business?
Quitting your routine?
Quitting whatever it is that’s proven to be short-lived or unfruitful or not so fruitful or less fruitful than the other thing?

Remember it’s a power in your hand.
It’s the one thing that’s lighting the path in the darkness and chaos of urban life.
Sure, that light is dim and provides a short sight; but it’s light nevertheless; and it’s much better than finding your way blindly in the dark. It helps you walk; you don’t have to crawl on knees and elbows.

You know you need another torch.
Spark a new one to life BEFORE you put the first one out.
Always let the light be there.
Never put yourself in a phase where you’re searching for the match and oil, panicked and breathless in the dark of the cave.
Let there be a logical sequence to your actions.

#success #goal #life_goal #objective #ambition #aspiration #change #job_switch #diversify #expansion #growth #business #job #career #progress #light_your_path #power #priority #action #logic #reason #conscience #wits #mind_power #effort #struggle #fire #idea #positive_thinking #hardwork

Fail Shamelessly

Failures are just milestones in a path.
A path that leads to success.
But we choose to see them differently.
We see them as discouragements.
We choose to be ashamed of the loss.
The loss of time. And energy.
We choose to be ashamed of the lack.
The lack of correct judgment and decision.
They go on piling up, one after the other.
They build a negative pressure inside us.
They knock our breath out.

We need to know that the destination is never about the goal; it’s about building ourselves into a suitability for that goal.
We do not reach that goal.
The goal comes to us.
It gravitates toward us as a result of what we become; what we construct ourselves into.
And we can do that only when we choose to see those failures as teachers; use them as information for what doesn’t work and what needs improvement; and go relentless on rectified effort.

Be shameless of the failures.
Be proud that you are facing them.
Their occurrence shows us that we tried without giving up; they wouldn’t have been there if we did nothing.
They show us that we are at it; we are engaged into it; we are into the process; and that’s glorious.
Let them pile up.
There’s a reason climbing the Everest is considered more glorious than climbing the little hill near your town you used to climb with your pals back in childhood.
The Everest gives you an ample length of time for when you are NOT at your destination.
It puts more pages to the book, when you come back home and write about your success story.
It puts more to the glory of the fight.
Be hungry for that glory.
That’s what separates a warrior from a brawler.
Go shameless on your failures.
It’s how you beat them.

#success #goal #life_goal #objective #result #destination #ambition #aspiration #inspiration #motivation #dedication #commitment #progress #development #improvement #positive_thinking #leader #approach #attitude #failure #shame #shameless #focus #never_give_up #no_surrender #resilience #empowerment #struggle #fight #effort

Failure Is Useful.

Failure is useful.
It yields information.
About what doesn’t work.

There are only a finite number of parameters to consider.
Arranged differently, they lead to only a finite number of structures.
One of them works.

Failure is a process to reach to that one structure.
It’s a straight forward process of elimination.
It calls for a keeping a good log.
What was tried, at what day, in what way.
Of course the foot-note at the end of each page of that log will say, “Fail”; until the last one.
It feels bad to read it.
But it feels good that so many pages show it; for it means you were brave enough to TRY, that many times.
And that’s glorious, my friend.

Winners develop an obsession with failure.
Because they want that burn to hurt behind their eyes, reading about how relentless they were; how unstoppable they’ve been; how unflinching they’ve become after taking so many hits.
They love the idea of that relentless pursuit of success, that beautiful journey of surviving so many failures, without fail.
The very idea of failure fortified their resolve to go relentless.
Because, for them, it’s not just about that they win; it’s about how much they fought before they won.
They love how that fight changes them into better warriors, each day.
They love how it taught them to introspect and rectify effort.
They love how it teaches life like nothing else would ever.

#success #result #failure #ambition #aspiration #inspiration #motivation #dreams #life_goal #objective #growth #progress #development #improvement #betterment #relentless #unbeatable #unstoppable #effort #work #adaptation #awareness #introspection #empowerment #strength #evolution #try #winner #achievement #focus

Relentless Effort; Broad Perspective

Effort is good.
Effort with focus is better.
Effort with versatile focus is best.

One needs the glory of being relentless.
One also needs the wisdom of broader perspective.
You don’t get to lose your drive.
You also don’t get to lose your perspective.

Success calls for attention to details.
And those details vary.
Which calls for variety in effort as well. Apply yourself at those varieties with same intensity.

Success is a process.
It’s never just one path.
It’s about reaching multiple milestones; each one ending one path and beginning another.
And the paths differ in direction.
Which shifts the way of travel.
Some call for a walk. Some call for a run.
Others call for a climb.
Stages after stages. Steps after steps.

The challenge is to identify the entire journey with all its milestones and all its paths; and improvise movement accordingly; suitable to the task at hand that changes after each milestone.

Consider building a table.
You’ll need portions of wood.
You’ll need a saw to cut them; a file to shape them.
You’ll need a hammer and nails.
And you’ll need multiple strikes of that hammer on multiple nails at different places.
Focusing a thousand hits on one nail is great effort, no doubt; but it’s fruitless.
Never let the glory of effort blind you to the need of considering the entire picture.

Go in. Go in with all you have. Finish one task. Get out. Get back to your broader scope. Identify what’s next. Identify what it calls for. Adapt accordingly; go right back in.

That’s progress.

#success #result #focus #versatality #versatile #effort #relentless #ambition #aspiration #inspiration #motivation #dreams #life_goals #awareness #understanding #glory #perspective #scope #big_picture #strength #progress #development #betterment #improvement #attention #knowledge #variety #comprehensiveness #achievement

A Lion Roars!

They hate you.
For they can’t be you.
For you don’t follow the herd.
And that’s all they do.
Marks you as different.
Independent.
Individualistic.
They hate it; for they’re scared of it.
The smirks and mocking are tinted with hysteria.
They can list all the “wrong” and “silly” things you do; only because they spend their entire time watching you.
Yes. They’re that much fascinated.
Fear motivates that fascination.
They chose that fear.
You didn’t ask them to.
You were no threat.
They decided you’re one, by themselves.
They aren’t smart enough to know they’re scared; hence the exterior of mockery.
Let them.
Don’t waste your time convincing them otherwise.
Don’t waste your time justifying your individuality.
It’s a language they never learned.
And they aren’t going to, now.
Leave it.
Their hate may be a problem to you for now;
But it won’t remain so; not for long.
Not so long as you focus on your individuality and invest yourself in self-empowerment.
Keep learning new.
Keep knowing new.
Keep exploring new.
Keep implementing new.
Check results and adapt accordingly.
Keep developing.
Keep evolving.
Keep fortifying yourself.
It’s the best way to discourage their attacks.
Most importantly, keep expressing your independent individuality.
Lions don’t care if the monkeys would like their roars or not.
Because they’re lions.
It’s precious. It’s rare.
And it’s important that you be so; let nobody tell you otherwise.
It’s souls like you who lead human race forward.
If not for the likes of you, we’d still be living in the jungles and sacrificing virgins on the altar to please the gods in the hope of better food and shelter.
You are important.
You’re the leader.
You’re lion.
Don’t just express; let your strength explode with a roar.
It suits you.
It’s what you were born to do.
It’s what you were bred to do.

#alpha #leader #individualism #selfism #independent #strength #strong #capacity #capable #power #energy #expression #lion #roar #society #inferiority_complex #rare #precious #empowerment #personality #development #limits #dictation #domination #ambition #aspiration #motivation #inspiration #life_goal #legend

Be Stupid; Be Smart.

Exams come, before coaching.
That’s life.

You made mistakes.
Big. Small. Deep. Silly.
You’re beating yourself up for that.
Don’t.
Wasn’t your fault.
Not really.
It’s all “trial and error”.
We think; we apply that thought.
We act; we get results.
They tell us something about what we thought.
So we make changes and we move on.
That’s all there’s to it.

Are you stupid?
Do your silly mistakes make you feel stupid?
You need to be stupid, you know.
If you aren’t stupid, you would try nothing new.
You won’t learn.
And you need to learn.
You need to experience new things.
New joys and new pains.
Because it’s not just about survival. It’s about living.
Just remember: while being that much useful stupid, you’d also need to be as much smart to see you aren’t repeating mistakes. If you repeat, now that would be a crime; not just a mistake.
Keep exploring.
Keep falling down.
But fall down at new places; trip on new stones.
Keep it alive.
Eventually you’ll get there.

#success #aspiration #ambition #dreams #goals #life_goals #inspiration #motivation #result #trial #error #mistake #judgment #criticism #awareness #new #ventures #adventure #improvisation #smart #stupid #learning #understanding #experience #pain #loss #cost #life

Progressive Overload

“Progressive Overload”
– An Achiever’s Monologue

“It’s the default setting of my life.
It’s not a fling. Not an experiment.
It’s not a strategy. Not a trick.
It’s what I do. It’s what I breathe.
It’s how I live.

“What I do in the gym is an exact reflection of what I do in life, to reach my goals.
I have definite goals; I chose them long ago; staying true to who I was and who I wanted to be.

“I lift.
It’s a challenge and I lift.
By gripping that bar in my hands, I take control of my life in my own hands; I say yes to that responsibility; I commit to it; I express my consent to work on it; and I lift.
I lower it again and I lift it back.
I do it until it’s physically impossible; I put it down; I count 30 seconds in my head; I don’t care that my muscles aren’t ready; I don’t care my heart is fast and I can hear my blood rushing to my head; 30 seconds are over and I lift it again. Next set.
And go on like that, and I remember how much I lifted until I couldn’t; I remember how many times I lifted until I couldn’t; I remember how long I lifted until I couldn’t.

“That weight and that number of reps and that time-under-tension, that maxed out limit of my capacities, have a significance as an achievement; but that’s just for today.
Tomorrow, it’s a whole different story.
Tomorrow, those numbers will be merely starting lines. Nothing special; nothing glorious; not anymore; not tomorrow.
Because tomorrow, I’ll go in like nothing happened today and I’ll start lifting with today’s max weight on the bar and I’ll set whole new and different and bigger and greater records.
And then, day after tomorrow, I’ll pull off the same. Bigger. Greater. New.
Each day. Every day. Relentless.

“There are folks who think they’re doing something great by repeating effort without fail each day.
They’re great; I’ll say that.
But I don’t want to be great.
I want to be Greater.
I don’t get to do the same; because I want different and better things tomorrow.
Which means, I don’t get to repeat effort. I have to maximize effort, do more, knowing it ain’t ever going to be same as yesterday.

“I keep the challenge alive.
My growth is a response to the continuum of that challenge.
Committing to that growth is saying yes to continuing the shock, the pain, the effort, the victory, the conquering, the gain, the result.
It’s what I do.
It’s what I was bred to do.
It’s what I was born to do.”

#success #goal #life_goal #ambition #dreams #aspiration #inspiration #motivation #commitment #dedication #growth #betterment #progress #pushing_limits #resilience #effort #progressive_overload #challenge #win #winner #focus #bodybuilding #gains #career #life #business #achievement #empowerment #self_help #resistance_training

“Abnormal”

“Teacher?”
“Yes, my child?”
“Yesterday I told you something about me.”
“I remember.”
“Is it normal? The thing I told you about me?”
“What is ‘normal’, my child?”
“Well, something that has an order, a structure, a composure to it, is normal.”
“And that means, things that have no order or structure are abnormal, yes?”
“I believe so.”
“Very well. Tell me, child; do you see those mountains, far away?”
“Yes, teacher.”
“Do you see any order or structure to their shapes and sizes?”
“I must say, no. It’s all random.”
“Random? But last week your little brother painted a picture of the same mountains; and you praised it all day long.”
“Yes, teacher; because it all looked so beautiful in the picture. My brother had placed everything in a neat frame. The mountains, the trees, the skies… It was all well placed in a boundary.”
“There you go.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Frame. Placement. That’s the key, my dear.”
“Key?”
“Yes, the key that decides if things shall appear ordered or disordered; structured or chaotic; normal or abnormal.”
“Please elaborate.”
“We see things through a frame. Just as your brother chose to see those mountains in a specific frame, for a drawing. That frame defines how we place things and where. That placement pastes an ‘appearance’ over things; and we call them normal or abnormal, depending on what the frame shows. What most of us fail to remember, is that it’s us who choose that frame. Things make sense the way we make them make sense. And the frame changes subjectively, individually, from person to person. Some other artist might have chosen a different frame; and you might not have liked that picture that much. There’s no normal or abnormal in nature. It’s our choice of perspective that makes it so; and that perspective depends on which set of eyes are looking at things.”
“That’s new for me.”
“Instill it in your mind. That thing you told me about, yesterday, will be called normal by some; abnormal by others. Some will support; others will laugh; some will criticize and judge; others will stay indifferent. What matters is what you choose to say for yourself. It’s your life. Analyse what it is completely. Never rush to title it. Check all aspects; check your choices. Whatever you choose, fervently believe in that choice.”

#perspective #approach #focus #attention #subjective #contextual #individual #person #people #normal #abnormal #order #disorder #structure #chaos #random #sense #definition #title #lookout #outlook #appearance #psychology #difference #believe #belief_system #thinking #feeling #emotion #understanding

“Abnormal”

Shameless Moral Criminal

What is “morality”?
Is it something to be “followed”?
Or is it something to be consciously APPLIED? With a well-explored and self-governed sense of responsibility? Scaled against logic, reason and rationale?

What is its purpose?
Is it not about a simple logical reasoning, that together if we all behaved in constructive ways, our society can flourish?

And what are the questions to be asked to a person, to check their behavior?
What questions SHOULD be asked?
Can we not summarize them with these four simple tests?
(A) Are you causing physical hurt and loss?
(B) Are you causing financial loss?
(C) Are you invading other people’s personal space and creating obstacles to their growth as persons?
(D) Are you posing a threat to public health and security?
If the answer to these questions are satisfactorily “no”, then do we have any right to judge and criticize and police that person’s behavior?

And yet, why many invest lot of focus, energy and time to do exactly that, even when their target poses no such threats?
Why people place themselves as moral cops and try to dictate and choose others’ thoughts, decisions, actions, clothing, food, speech, expressions, partners, ways of showing affection, walks and talks and entire lives? Who gives them that right? Who defines culture and tradition; who gets to force these ideas on to others?
Why people attack us when we hug our partners and kiss them; especially when they don’t mind it so much when they see someone spitting tobacco-mixed saliva on streets; and relieving bladders on road-sides, which can obviously cause spread of disease?

Maybe it’s jealousy, camouflaged as moral policing. Maybe it’s insecurity of personal vacuums in personal lives; reacted to by limiting someone else’s expression of positivity in their lives. Maybe it’s sheer bullyism, covered and glorified with words like culture and tradition and morals.

Have we been victims of such oppression?
Do we know we are doing nothing wrong?
Hurting nobody? Sure?
Then, fighting back isn’t “an” option.
It’s the only option.
We are who we are. We weren’t put on this planet to please others and satisfy their needs to remain limited, unexplored, unexpressed, patterned, old and insecure and tiny.
We are here to be positive and to share positivity; and if that’s considered a “shameless crime”, then the only way those definitions will be changed is when we choose to be “shameless moral criminal.”

Let’s always remember that words have meanings as per who defines them.
Let’s re-define.
It’s our life. We live it. Nobody else gets to hijack our life-space.
By expression, we live. By being, we live.
Let’s be, with full potential of what we are.

#morals #ethics #tradition #religion #moral_police #moral_cop #culture #bully #bullyism #society #people #individual #expression #love #rebel #shame #definition #right_and_wrong #empowerment #feeling #thinking #action #dictate #dominate #oppression #understanding #awareness #self_help #rise #fighting_back

Be Yourself

A wise man, he was.
Experienced.
He saw what he needed to see.
It was unquestionable.
His donkey was sick.
Couldn’t put it to work.
Inhuman; and unproductive.
He called his son.
Told him to get ready. They were going to have to rush to the vet.
The vet was in a distant town. Time was of essence.

The three began the long walk. Father, son, the donkey.
Sun rose. Heat rose.

They crossed paths with a man.
Who said, “What foolishness is this? You two have a donkey; and you’re walking? So what that your donkey is sick? It’s an animal; a tool to put to work. Come on, be real; get on it. You’ll reach faster.”
The man left; and our duo spent some time discussing, halting the walk. Finally they agreed to the man’s say, feeling silly to have thought differently before. They got on the animal; got back in the journey.
Sun rose. Heat rose.

Soon, they met another man.
Who said, “What brutality is this? Do you have no heart? Get off that poor creature. It’s so sick.”
The spent some time discussing, rooted to the spot. Feeling ashamed of their action, they got off the animal.
The trek began again.
Sun rose. Heat rose.

Pretty soon, they crossed ways with another man.
Who heard their story and said, “You two are such idiots. You, boy; don’t you value your father more than your stupid donkey? Don’t you see that your old father is tired? Get him on your back; and start running. The donkey will follow.”
Of course, our heroes, ever conscious of their social image, invested time in discussion. And of course, the son took the father on his back. Began running. The donkey followed.
Sun was overhead. Heat was fire.

Just outside the border of the vet’s village, a man made them halt.
“Why are you running?” asked the man.
“Our donkey needs the vet,” said the son; sweating an ocean.
“What donkey?” asked the man. “I see none.”
The father crashed to the ground; got up hastily; turned back and looked the way they came. The son did the same.
Both gasped.
Indeed, there was no donkey.
“Uhh… f-father…?”
“Son…”
“Where’s our donkey?”
“Our donkey shall need no vet, son. Not anymore,” said the father, noticing vultures in the skies far away, from where they had just come; opportunistic birds hoping to rush for a treat that had just died.
“Our need to fit ourselves to people’s say, killed our poor donkey.”

Sure it did.
Waste focus, energy, time fitting people’s say about you, and you too will end up failing your purpose.
People will keep saying things because it’s their favourite pass-time. It’s easier to tell someone else to make “improvements” instead of focusing within and better the self. And it’s so silly, really; because what glory do these demanding advises have, apart from being someone’s perception, merely?
It’s our choice, whether we stay on course that WE want or let others dictate it for us.
Choose wisely.

#people #society #social #social_image #social_life #self #conscious #awareness #independent #understanding #life #opinion #perception #choice #individuality #firm #personality #standard #norms #ethics #criticism #judgment

We Become Our Destinations

“Teacher?”
“Yes, my child?”
“What should be my life goal?”
“What’s a life goal, my child?”
“I believe it’s what we want to have, in life.”
“And how do we have it?”
“We take efforts to reach there.”
“So there’s a path, you say?”
“What? I don’t understand.”
“You say we take efforts to REACH there. Seems like A DESTINATION, to me. Which must call for A PATH, to arrive there.”
“Yes. I believe so.”
“Well then, there’s your answer.”
“Pardon me, teacher; but I fail to see one.”
“Your choice of path defines your destination.”
“How?”
“Your choice of action defines your life goal.”
“But I’ve already said that. Goal depends on what action I take.”
“No, my dear. It’s not just about what action you take. It’s more about what action you CHOOSE to take. And that’s about what action can you ACTUALLY take. The possibility of success depends on how realistic that choice is.”
“Why the emphasis on choice, teacher?”
“It’s our choices that build us. And make no mistake, child; your life goal shall ask you to build yourself to a level eligible to have it. What you have now is a reflection of what you are. What you will have, will be a reflection what you become. We don’t just walk on paths; we build those paths first. Within us. We modify ourselves. We change ourselves. We replace old structures in our personalities with new ones. We are never the same person when we actualise our dreams. The question is, what path are you willing to walk on? The answer is, what path can you ACTUALLY walk on, in real terms? Have you explored? Have you explored which stream, which course shall provide you with a reprogramming theme that suits your personality? Because, eligibility is really about compatibility. To reach a destination suitable to us, we must embark on a journey of self-change that’s suitable to us. An elephant can’t hope for learning to fly; which means an elephant can’t hope to walk on clouds. But that same elephant can surely hope to climb a mountain; because it can learn to improve stamina for a hard climb. Go and search within, my child. First, you select a path. It may be about money, or fitness, or social positions, or knowledge, or even spirituality. Find out a path you can walk on. The path will tell you what goal you should have.”

#goal #life_goal #success #result #achievement #aspiration #inspiration #motivation #ambition #skills #path #effort #action #awareness #growth #mindset #positive_thinking #realistic #choice #destination #explore #change #transformation #empowerment #counseling #career #job #coaching #win #winner

Rosebud: कळी उमलण्याआधीच…

*१. तिचं…*

काल फर्स्ट किस् होता माझ्या आयुष्यातला.
इतका गोड असतो फर्स्ट किस…? रिअली…?
त्यावेळी जाणवलेली, ओठांत जन्मून अंगात पाझरलेली ती सळसळ…
हृदयाची वाढलेली ती स्पंदनं…
किती गोड होतं ते सगळं!
How sweet!
How romantic!
वेळ अशी थांबून गेली होती! फक्त आमच्या दोघांसाठी!

दोन महिने झालेत आमच्या रिलेशनशिपला. माझ्याच क्लासमध्ये आहे तो. आणि, I know. I’m in love. मी त्याची आहे आता. किती लकी आहे मी! खूप रोमँटिक आहे तो. आणि जबरदस्त dashing. एकदम हँडसम. आणि माझी खूप काळजी घेतो. मी म्हणेन तिथे फिरायला नेतो. मला आवडतो.

मी आधी अशी नव्हते. खूप बावळट होते. माझी लहानपणापासूनची सवय. मला काय हवंय त्याची चित्रं मनात रंगवायची. ज्यात मी मम्मी-पप्पांची गुडी-गुडी गर्ल असायचे. एकदम शहाणी, आज्ञाधारक वगैरे, यू नो… माझी स्वप्नं पण तशीच; like, कष्ट वगैरे घेऊन सक्सेस मिळवणं टाईपची. आधी मी फक्त पहिला नंबर मिळवणं एवढ्यावरच लक्ष द्यायचे. पण कॉलेजमध्ये आले; आणि पंधराच दिवसात मला केटी म्हणाली, “यार, तेरे जीनेके तरीके कितने बोअरिंग है….”

डोळे उघडले तिने माझे. खरंच. आयुष्यात करण्यासारखं खूप आहे. खूप अनुभव घेण्यासारखे आहेत. का नाही घ्यायचे? आयुष्य मज्जा करण्यासाठी असतं. आणि असंही, आत्तासुद्धा चांगले मार्क्स मिळवतेच ना मी? मग? मस्त फन केली पाहीजे. मला असंच वाटतं. लाईफ इज पार्टी! आणि माझ्या सगळ्या फ्रेन्ड्सनापण तसंच वाटतं. सगळ्यांना वाटतं म्हणजे बरोबरच असणार ना ते?

… आज त्याच्याकडे चाललीये. Overnight! त्याच्या घरी आज कोणीच नाहीये. मी मम्मीला सांगितलंय, मैत्रिणीकडे स्टे करणार आहे म्हणून! आज काय होईल? गॉड, मी एकदम थ्रिल्ड आहे आज! आणि तोपण किती स्वीट वागतोय आज! काय होईल? जाऊ दे; उगाच मी का विचार करू? तो आहे ना. He loves me. तो घेईल काळजी.

*२. त्याचं…*

मला लहानपणापासून सवय.
गुलाबाची कळी जाम आवडायची. ती दिसली, की ती हातात घ्यायची. एक एक पाकळी दूर करून आत काय आहे ते पाहायचं. आत जे आहे ते कळलं पाहीजे. आपल्याला मिळालं पाहीजे. आपलं झालं पाहीजे. आपल्याला त्यात काहीतरी स्वत:चं असं चेन्ज करता आलं पाहीजे.

माझं असंच आहे.
समोर काहीही असो.
त्यावर आपलं स्वत:चं एक इंप्रेशन पडलं पाहीजे.
आपला स्वत:चा पंच पाहीजे.
क्लासमध्ये नवीन टीचर आला, पहिली कमेन्ट आपलीच गेली पाहीजे. नवीन फोन, नवीन बाईक, आपल्याकडे. पप्पांचा मी एकुलता एक – आपण कधी “नाही” ऐकलं नाही. कॉलेजमध्ये मी जाम फेमस. यावेळी G S मीच होईन मोस्टली.

…हिच्या आधीपण पोरी फ्रेन्ड सर्कलमध्ये होत्या. पण ही वेगळी वाटते. ही डीप वाटते. हिचे डोळेच वेगळे आहेत. हिच्यात ना, खूप पोटेन्शिअल आहे. मला हे कळतं लोकांच्या बाबतीत. पण हिलाच स्वत:त काय आहे ते माहीत नाही…! आणि म्हणून मला ती जाम आवडते! खूप गोड आहे ही. त्या लहानपणच्या गुलाबाच्या कळीसारखी!
Rose bud.
My rose bud.
माझ्याकडे बघते तेव्हा रिअली मांजराचं पिल्लू वाटते! सो क्यूट!

हिला आज घरी नेणार आहे. वाटत नव्हतं येईल म्हणून. पण झाली तयार – कालच्या किसनंतर…! गॉड, तो किस काही वेगळाच होता. हिच्याआधी पण चान्स मिळालेत मला त्याचे. पण कधीच तसं, आतून काही वाटलं नव्हतं. काल वाटलं. हिला असं गच्च धरून ठेवावसं वाटत होतं!

हिला ना, आज सरळ माझ्या रूममध्येच नेणार आहे….

*३. तिचं…*

आमच्यात जे झालं, त्याला चार महिने होऊन गेलेत. त्या दिवशीचं मला आता काय आठवतंय? आत्ता इथे, मी बेडवर पाय पोटाशी घेऊन पडलेली असताना? पोटात प्रचंड दुखत असताना? शरीरातली सगळी शक्ती संपलेली असताना? मनावर वज्राघात झालेला असताना?

त्या दिवशी जे झालं ते थ्रिलींग समजायचं असतं, असं मला सांगण्यात आलं होतं. आणि मी तसं समजलेही. अगदी म्हणजे, “protection वापर ना”, असं मी त्याला हळूच म्हटल्यावर, “मर्दाला तसली फालतूगिरी चालत नसते”, असं त्याने खर्जात म्हटलेलंही मी त्याच्या dashing वगैरे असण्यात सामावून टाकलं होतं. त्याला स्वत:ला देऊन टाकण्यात माझ्यातल्या modern असण्याचा अंतिम विजय वाटला होता मला… आत्ता दोघांच्या अक्कलशून्यतेचा विजय वाटतोय तो मला.

त्याचा परिणाम मला कधी कळावा? आत्ता परवा? वयाच्या बाराव्या वर्षापासून शरीर नियमितपणे दर महिन्याला जी बाईपणाची पावती पाठवतं, ती चार महिने आलीच नाही, याचा अर्थ मला आत्ता परवा कळावा? अचानक डोक्यात खळ्ळकन बरणी फुटावी, तसा? हुशार मुलगी ना मी? मग – हे? मी थोडीश्शी जाडी झाल्यासारखी होत चाललेच होते; पण त्याचा अर्थ मला समजूच नये? मम्मीला तरी… पण तिला किटी पार्ट्या सोडून वेळ आहे कुठे? पप्पा तर घरात असून नसल्यासारखेच. शेवटी त्याला सांगितलं – त्याचा चेहरा सेकंदात ताप आल्यासारखा; नजर चोरलेली; शब्द अस्फुट. “मला वाटलं… तू पिल घेतली असशील…” त्याने शब्द फेकले. मला काय बोलू तेच कळेना. क्षणात आमच्यात डोंगराएवढं अंतर तयार झालं. त्याच्या बाईकवर झटकफटक दोघं त्या डॉक्टरला भेटायला गेलो – आपण जिथे जन्म काढला त्याच शहरात इतकी गलिच्छ वस्ती असावी? आणि तिथे एक हॉस्पिटल असू शकतं? मला माहीत नव्हतं. पण त्याला माहीत होतं. कसं? आणि – शी… तो डॉक्टर… त्याची ती दुनियादारीपलीकडली नजर… पोटात बाळ असल्याचं किती कोरड्या शब्दात सांगितलं त्याने… आणि त्यावर त्याचं ते कुजकट हसणं… ओठावरून जीभ फिरवत बोलणं… आणि “टेन्शन मत ले… अपने पास सबकुछ हो जाता है… झंझट नै…” त्याने रक्कम सांगितली. MTP कायद्यानुसार हा गर्भपात कायदेशीरच होता; पण माझी सेकंड ट्रायमेस्टर – म्हणजे दोन डॉक्टरांची सही हवी. त्या दुसऱ्या सहीसाठी याने पैसे वाढवून सांगितले असतील, असं हा मला म्हणाला. मला ते कारण पटलं नाही; पण मी गप्पच. घरी सांगण्याचा प्रश्नच नव्हता. पप्पांना ब्लड प्रेशर. मम्मीला डायबिटीस. ह्यानेच डॉक्टरला “हो” म्हटलं. रक्कम लगेच हातात – याच्या पप्पांचं platinum कार्ड ह्याच्याचकडे. डॉक्टरने आज यायला सांगितलं. दोन दिवस मी घरात भूतासारखी. आज सकाळी कॉलेजला जाते सांगत याच्या बाईकवरून त्या डॉक्टरकडे. मला सोडून – नाही, अक्षरश: ढकलून – हा मागे वळूनही न पाहता सुसाट पसार. आमच्यात जे आहे, किंवा होतं, त्याच्या कुजकट प्रेतापासून दूर पळण्याची त्याची इच्छा बाईकच्या इंजिनच्या फाटणाऱ्या आवाजात जाणवली मला… खरंतर मी उद्यापर्यंत एडमिट असायला पाहीजे होतं; पण मी त्या घाणीत रात्र काढणं – नो वे. आले तशीच घरी. रिक्शाने.

… मम्मी संध्याकाळी येईल. पप्पा आठपर्यंत. तोपर्यंत दुखणं थांबेल?

… त्याला फोन लावतेय मघासपासून. स्वीच अॉफ. मला… मला बोलायचंय कुणाशीतरी… कुणाशी बोलू? WhatsApp वर तर त्याने, बाईकवर सोडल्यानंतर पाचव्या मिनिटाला ब्लॉक केलं मला. का?

मन फाडल्यासारखं झालंय.
मला काय हवं होतं? शरीरावर सुख ओथंबताना अनुभवणं? हो. हवं होतं. पण त्यासाठी इतकं अधीर होणं का? जे हवं होतं, ती नैसर्गिक इच्छा असते. पण इथे आमच्याबाबतीत ती इच्छा होती, का सोस? “मरनेके बाद मज़े करोगी क्या?” केटी एकदा बडबडल्याचं मला आठवतंय. म्हणजे, आत्ता नाही, तर पुढे कध्धीच नाही, हा अट्टहास? का आज विचारतीये मी हे? ज्याच्या ताब्यात शरीर द्यायचंय, त्याचे खरे रंग तो आज पळून गेला तेव्हा दिसले. तो काय आहे, हे समजण्याआधीच मी स्वत:ला त्याला देऊन टाकणं, हा माझा बोल्डनेस होता की ठार वेडेपणा? बरं; जे सुख हवं होतं; ते दोघांनाही. पण प्रोटेक्शन न वापरण्याचा त्याचा हट्ट मी का ऐकला? शरीर दुसऱ्याच्या ताब्यात देताना ते आपल्या टर्म्सवर द्यावं; हे साधं लॉजिक मी स्वत:ला का नाकारलं? माझ्या शरीराचे हक्क त्याला देऊन त्याच्या मनाची राणी होण्याची खात्री हवी होती का मला? आणि, शरीराचा आवेग हेच एक कारण होतं? “व्हर्जिन असणं म्हणजे ना, बच्ची असणं”, असा काहीतरी सुविचार केटीने मांडला होता एकदा. ते माझ्या मनात इतकं खोल का रुजावं? केटीसारख्या “एडव्हान्स्ड” वगैरे पोरींच्या पंक्तीत बसायची मला घाई होती का? कशासाठी? माझा “मॉडर्न”पणा प्रूव्ह करायचा होता का मला? कुणासमोर? का? परत परत केटीचं बोलणं डोक्यात घुमतंय. “जीनेके बोअरिंग तरीके…” मी काढलेलं मनातलं चित्र बोअरिंग आहे, हे दुनियेनं सांगितलं. OK. पण मी ते agree का केलं? कसं केलं? काय मिळवण्यासाठी? फन मिळवण्यासाठी? ही अशी फन? अक्कल असण्यालाच चूक समजणारी फन?

*४. त्याचं…*

सुचतच नाहीये काही.

असं वाटतंय च्यायला खून करून पळून आलोय… कायद्याच्या दृष्टीने रेपिस्ट तर आहेच मी…! ही सतरा वर्षाची आहे. अजून अठरा नाही. ती “हो” म्हणाली होती – लॉ डजन्ट केअर. त्या साल्या डॉक्टरला बरोब्बर कळलं, कुठे कसा पिंजरा लावायचा ते.

तिचे शंभर फोन येऊन गेले असतील. बिचारी. पण तिचीच चूक आहे… ना? पिल घ्यायची ना… पोरींना एवढंतर कळतच असतं… बट वेट. असं नाही. माझीच चूक होती. ती सेफ्टीबद्दल सुचवत होती; मलाच एटिट्यूड आला होता. आज तिला असं टाकून दिल्यासारखं केलं मी – गॉड… अनब्लॉक करायला पाहीजे? येस. आय नो. आय शूड. बट विल आय? हिंमतच होत नाहीये…

My rosebud. कुस्करलं मी. आणि? पळालो? का तिथे थांबू नाही शकलो मी? राहून राहून ती गुलाबाची कळी आठवतीये लहानपणची. का? माहीत नाही. पण एक प्रश्न सतावतोय. त्या कळीच्या पाकळ्या उघडून आत काय आहे, ते मला कशासाठी पाहायचं होतं? कुतूहल म्हणून? आत जे असेल त्याला आपल्याला हवा तो आकार देता यावं, म्हणून? का मुळात मला आकार देता येईल हा माझा भ्रम होता? शेवटास नेता येणार नाही, ते सुरू करणं, हा मूर्खपणा माझ्यात मुळातच आहे का? आणि मग शेवट नीट न करता आल्याचं frustration कळीच दूर फेकून व्यक्त करणं, एवढंच मला जमू शकणार होतं का… नेहमीच?
***

“पाकळ्या उमलायला वेळ लागत नाही…
उमलणं समजायला वेळ लागतो.” – अनामिक

#मराठी #लेख #मानसशास्त्र #तरूण #तरुणाई #लैंगिक #रिलेशनशिप #समुपदेशन #relationship #couple #girlfriend #boyfriend #youth #thinking #awareness #understanding #sex #attraction #romance #maturity #sex_education

Mommy, Angry

Yes, sometimes they’re so frustrating.
Yes, sometimes they’re so annoying.
Yes, sometimes they overreact.
Yes, sometimes they’re too much.
Make the same mistake twice and there’s that angry eyeballing, the one we truly hate.

But they’re our mom and dad.
They love us.

They’re an earlier generation.
An earlier step in the flow of human evolution.
Minds and bodies that saw what we didn’t.
Faced what we didn’t.
Survived what they made sure we’d never have to fight.
They care; because they know how bad it can be. How ugly it can be. How painful.
Let’s be aware of that.
Let’s be conscious that it’s for love.

Sure; there’s generation gap.
Sure; we’re fighting our own fights in a whole different world with its own, new configuration.
Sure; they don’t necessarily have a complete idea of what it is.
But some things don’t change.
Things like, “ignorance isn’t same as innocence”.
Things like, “lack of improvement is weakness and survival calls for elimination of the weak”.

They know it.
The know how nature’s own laws are much harsher and stricter than human laws.
They know how new generations make same old mistakes; because they made those mistakes too. They paid for it.
They know how, in a vastly changing world, one actually suffers in more subtle, hidden and taxing ways for those mistakes.
They expect us to be better than that.
And it’s natural. Too much, some times; but necessary.

Repetition of the same mistake implies our lack of awareness, consciousness, attention, learning.
They stare angrily; it’s not judgment – it’s care, wearing anger’s clothing, to hit it home.
Let’s understand it.
Let’s appreciate it, really; for if it wasn’t there; if we felt no pain for it; then we’d never be inspired to improve ourselves; better ourselves; strengthen ourselves.

They love us.
Let’s be strong enough and love them back.

#parent #child_care #parenting #mom #dad #mother #father #son #daughter #love #care #worry #affection #understanding #communication #improvement #betterment #awareness #conscious #attention #generation #generation_gap #modern #society #interpersonal #space #social #mistake #nature #world

Let’s Agree To Disagree

Let’s communicate.
Let’s talk. Express. Share.
Let’s agree.
Let’s agree to disagree.
We’ll have opinions. We’ll share them.
We’ll have differences. We’ll share them too.
Let’s agree to their existence.
Let’s accept they’ll be there.
Let’s acknowledge it’s OK to have ones.
I’ve walked my path; you’ve walked yours.
We’re here now; but we came from different places.
I’ve built myself. You’ve built yourself.
Our building blocks were never the same.
Let’s accept the fact that we’re whole different people; we’ll always be.
And let’s agree that we can still communicate.
Otherwise, what’s the point?
When you talk, I’ll listen to you.
I’ll let you have your full entitlement to voice yourself.
It’s your right.
I’ll agree to your right to have a say different than me.
Hope you’ll extend the same courtesy to me. I have my rights too.
Not necessary that I’ll immediately contradict with you, when I disagree.
No, I feel no such necessity; unless it directly affects me, or unless you’re taking me for granted.
I promise myself not to be that insecure.
I promise you I won’t want you cut and crop your say to suit my demands.
I know I’m not your master.
I know I don’t need to be.
I promise I’ll share my disagreement with what I believe would be correct, instead of emphasizing on why you’re incorrect.
Say something not to my taste, dear.
Let me say something not to your taste, friend.
It’s OK. It’s sharing.
Let’s be human here. Let’s be mature.
Let’s be real.
That’s communication.

#communication #talk #dialogue #speak #speech #word #language #maturity #growth #betterment #advancement #positive_thinking #constructive #creative #structure #composure #insecurity #anxiety #communication_gap #agreement #disagree #differences #say #sharing #right #entitlement #voice #open_up #voice_out #fear

Sunset & Sunrise: Warrior’s Perspective

A warrior on the path of success takes rest, only as a recharging phase, to explode back in action.

A night begins with sunset and ends with sunrise.

For a warrior of success,
Sunset isn’t for party.
It’s for taking a moment to introspect.
Look back at the day’s choices and decisions and actions.
See which choice worked and which decision could’ve had more precision.
See what was a smart action and what proved harmful or useless.
See what can be repeated and what should be avoided.

The warrior sleeps with reconfigured mental setup; more intense; more firm; and with more understanding of who and what one is and wants to be.
The day begins with a sunrise; a warrior re-engages in battle that time.
To apply thoughts on paths selected with careful analysis and unbiased judgment.
To reach success with better tools.

A warrior is a being in a continuum, a process.
A continuation of being better than yesterday.
Every day.
It’s what warriors do.
They reinvent themselves.

#success #growth #progress #goal #life_goals #win #winner #result #objective #focus #ambition #aspiration #inspiration #motivation #dedication #commitment #development #betterment #warrior #fight #fighter #awareness #introspection #understanding #analysis #study #be_legend #action #positive_thinking #empowerment

Simplicity Of Winning

You aren’t afraid of failure.
You aren’t even afraid of what people will say about your failure. Not really.
You’re afraid of what YOU will say, about it all.

You’re afraid of feeding that voice of your negative self, the one that’s hell-bent on convincing you that you haven’t got what it takes. The sick, degenerated voice of self-defeating.
You’re afraid of your inability to counter-advocate that voice, in case you fail.
THAT, my friend, is the root of all your fears.
That shame.

The key, is in being shameless.
Success takes a very specific kind of shamelessness.
It’s the shamelessness of saying OK to repeated failures, day by day failures, week by week and month by month failures.
It’s the shamelessness of unsophisticated and raw and uncultured acceptance that “It’s OK to fail”, that “I have the right to fail”, that “I can fail all I want and ain’t nobody gonna say nothin’ about it; least of all, me.”
Because, “How the hell would I win even once if I don’t fail repeatedly?”

Remember the time when you were 18 months old?
Of course you don’t. You were smart enough back then to forget about your silly failures; but you do remember your victories back then, because you perform those winnings even today.
Like, walking. Like, running. Like climbing up and down stairs. Like, speaking your mother-tongue. Like, everything.
Remember how many times you tripped and fell down, back then, in your learning phase?
Of course you don’t. You were smart enough not to keep useless tabs or make stupid lists about “how many times I failed this”; you weren’t stupid back then to deconstruct your confidence.
What you were doing, back then, was evolution.
The reason you eventually transformed yourself into that capable person who wasn’t there earlier, was simple: You were relentless.
You took hits as they came and you bloody continued the fight as if you had nothing better to do. Because it didn’t matter to you how many times it’s been; counting hadn’t corrupted your brain back then; and it didn’t matter to you that you could be doing something else. You knew there was nothing else. Nothing more significant or important than finishing that goddamn climb up the stairs.

You knew, back then, you had every right to love yourself unconditionally. You knew, back then, that your love for yourself didn’t need to have any prerequisite in the form of any specific win or achievement. You knew, back then, that your acceptance for yourself had every right to be free of any stupid guilt for any failures. You didn’t even have to give people a finger back then; your judges and critics didn’t even exist in your mind, although they were there and they were laughing. And that’s how and that’s why you were winning.
The sweet and shameless charming little winner.
The best kind, ever.

Be that kid. Again.
Now.
Stop counting.
Stop hunting easier alternatives for your life-goals; there aren’t any.
What you chose as your life goal, when you chose it, is what you want; you deserve it and you’re going to have it.
That’s it.
Stop bullshitting yourself.
Stop stopping yourself.
Stop pulling a sad smile and wonder “can I even think of going back to be that sweet thing today?” Yes you can. Nothing’s changed.
There ain’t a failure apart from the one we choose to accept.
There ain’t a success apart from the one we choose not to deviate from.
Shut up, put up and go get it.

#success #achievement #goal #life_goal #objective #win #accomplishment #result #growth #aspiration #ambition #inspiration #motivation #commitment #guilt #failure #loss #defeat #frustration #confidence #problem #dedication #fight #strength #resilience #spirit #legend #desire #acceptance #struggle

Here And Now

Truth, is what is.
Reality, is how it’s observed.
Reality, is what our sensory system convinces us to be the truth.
We have a “four-dimensional” reality that we observe with a “five-dimensional” sensory system.
Four axes of space. One axis of time.
To be sensed with a nervous system which itself is a part of it all.
Together, it constitutes a big facility; with a big limitation.
We’re bound to see it only that way.
We can’t see it any other way.
Our sensory system is a measure.
Truth is to be measured.
But with our sensory limitations, we end up mistaking the “measure” for the “measured” itself.
As in, we have a scale that’s limited to scaling lengths; and nothing else; but we use it to scale anything and everything and thus we paste the idea of “length” on everything.
It doesn’t just put things in a perspective; it practically blinds us.
We try to measure time with the same ideas of “length” that we use for a three-dimensional space.
We talk about time as if it’s a one-way river. We think we can only go forward.
Our science fiction offers the idea of “time machine”; and again, it’s all about going either “forward” or “backward”.
But remember, we’re only mistaking our perception for actual truth.
Truth is neither about what’s behind and what’s ahead and what’s past and what’s present.
Truth is all here and now.
Our mythologies suggest truth, the “paramaatmaa”, the “ultimate consciousness”, to be a “shapeless” entity; because our ancient wise ones had realised that it can’t be scaled with anything human senses can devise.
Truth, is all “here and now”.
We are with our past and future, at present.
It’s all one. One is all.
We aren’t bound by anything.
We aren’t bound by any past or future.
We are here. Because all of it is here only.
Our failures in past and our success in future. Friends we “once” had and lovers we’re “yet” to meet.
It’s all here.
So let’s be conscious about being here.
Let’s detach from grips of pasts we have measured to be “sad” and “bad” and “negative”. Let’s be new, anew. That’s what truth is about. It never gets old; despite of the fact that it’s always the same.
Let’s stop stopping ourselves.
Let’s get out of ourselves and do what we want.
Let’s get out of ourselves and do what we know we should be doing.
Success and happiness aren’t events to happen in future. Future isn’t in future. It’s here.
We succeed when we succeed, now.
We win when we win, now.
This moment is what life is all about.
Let go. And have it all.

#truth #reality #quantum_physics #celestial_mechanics #particle_physics #spiritual #thinking #positive_thunking #time #space #success #past #present #future #continuum #here_and_now #empowerment #understanding #growth #psychology #human #mind #power #power_of_now #universe #cosmology #progress #be_legend #overcoming_limits

Same, yet Different.

It’s great that we’re in love.
It’s best if we have understanding too.

It’s great that we have excitement.
It’s best if we have acceptance too.

It’s great that we’re so same.
It’s best if we realise we’ll never be clones.

It’s great we have so much in common.
It’s best if we accept those little things that aren’t so common.

It’s great that we’re so unique as a couple.
It’s best if we agree to each other’s uniqueness as an individual too.

It’s great we so like all these things about each other.
It’s best if we agree to disagree for things we like not that much too.

It’s great we’ve walked so far in life.
It’s best if we respect that, although we’re here now, the paths were different.

It’s great that we’ve merged lives now.
It’s best if we remember that constructors of these two different lives were different too.

It’s great that we approve what’s admirable.
It’s best if we agree not to make it a compulsion every time.

It’s great that we’re one.
It’s best if we remember it took two to make that one.

#relationship #love #romance #couple #boyfriend #girlfriend #husband #wife #married #marriage #relationship_goals #counseling #couple_therapy #understanding #maturity #life #appreciation #admiration #approval #issues #breakup #sex #differences #unique #individual #personal_space #domination #acceptance #betterment #liking

Embrace Your Pain

There are those who choose to be angry.
There are those who choose to be sad.
The angry ones want to beat the crap out of world; because it placed crap in their path.
The sad ones want to beat the crap out of themselves; because they placed crap in their own path.

They failed themselves.
They miscalculated.
They misjudged.
They misunderstood.
They started things they couldn’t finish.
They finished things that had no further profitable starts.
Promising ventures turned out to be fruitless.
Efforts, sincere but misdirected and inconclusive.
Careers, doomed.
Relationships, compromised.
People, hurt and lost.
Goals, still far from achievement.
Hurt, ever present.
Faith, fractured and broken.
A notion settles in: “There’s something fundamentally wrong with me. I’m not just an idiot; I’m a manufacturing defect.”
Mostly because they think they’re the only ones who made those mistakes.

Are you one of them?
You’re absolutely right.
You’re an idiot.
The question is, who isn’t?
Who are you kidding?
Do you really think those who are where they wanted to be, got there because they made the “right decisions at the right time”?
There’s no such thing as a “right decision”, my friend. There are countless factors to a future which we all fail to consider when we try to foresee that future and make plans for it. Stop harassing yourself; it takes a super-computer to make billions of sums correctly and your brain ain’t one. Nobody’s is. We all develop that load of crap we created in our lives. No one is free of that guilt. So put that sack on your back and keep walking.

People get what they want when they go crazy about it with a burning desire to have it. That’s it. They know perfectly well that they aren’t perfect and they’ve made errors and it’s OK; it’s freaking OK because it’s what life is and it’s how you walk it because it’s how you have to. There’s no go-back; you’re here and all you have is your knowledge of what not to do.
The key, is to walk the path carrying the load of all our mistakes and miscalculations and wrong choices, and never stop, never look back, never surrender.
The key, is to be relentless.
The key, is to be shameless enough to carry your mistakes like a goddamn crown on your head.
Those mistakes are priceless because they made you smarter. Wiser. Knowledgeable.
You unload that weight only when you get there at the summit; but you never forget them because you aren’t going to repeat them.
Pain demands to be felt.
So feel it. Let it teach you. Let it guide you. Let it motivate you to do something about it. It’s why it’s there. Don’t walk away. Embrace that pain. It’s yours.
Turn your pain into your greatest strength.
That’s how you get to your goals.
Your mistakes look like they won’t let you reach there; the truth is, only they will.
Keep walking.

#strength #success #goal #life_goal #aspiration #inspiration #motivation #understanding #knowledge #choice #decision #mistake #wrong #failure #smart #wisdom #path #struggle #effort #self_doubt #confidence #experience #win #winner #miscalculation #judgement #positive_thinking #pain #loss #caliber

You Weren’t There.

There are few easy things in life.
Passing judgement and criticism is one of them.

Why do we do it?
The answer is simple.
Feels awesome.
Feels powerful.
Feels like being a god.
Being comfortable in high heavens.
Looking down upon someone else.
Loving the idea of scaling what they did against rigid, perfect, idealistic notions of rules and regulations and laws and ethics and morals.
Pointing fingers. Shaking heads. Making noises of contempt at the back of throat.
Letting them have its full weight.
“This wasn’t expected from you.”
Alternatingly emphasizing on “this” and “you”.
“You’ve failed me.” As if not failing me should’ve been the only purpose of your existence.
Funny.

But it’s a disorder. It’s entropy.
Born out of incompletions.
Deficiencies of looking, exploring what really happened, gathering information, trying to understand, empathizing, accepting that same situation affects two people differently, acknowledging that people have their own reasons for doing what they did, that people do what they could do at the time, that there’s no universal applicability to our personal ideas of perfection, and most importantly, we weren’t there. It didn’t happen to us. We don’t know. Not really.

We’ve all been there. Some time or other.
In that uncomfortable and painful space when someone who had no idea what happened to us, judged us for our responses and actions, which had nothing to do with them, actually.
We’ve been there, when we tried to explain ourselves, tried to bring things to reasonable and logical level, tried to help them understand because they weren’t trying to; only to have it all backfire at us with added diatribes of “don’t you dare justify yourself”, cutting us off.

Let’s be aware of how it hurts.
Let’s be aware that we shouldn’t be a cause of hurt.
Let’s be more understanding.
Let’s say yes to processing, before proceeding.
Let’s accept that human life isn’t perfect. People, same as us, improvise as they go, with certain profits and certain losses along the way.
Judging only tears us apart further.
Pain adds to pain. Let’s not do that.
Let’s understand, rather than criticising.
Let’s be human.

#judging #criticism #blame #accusation #knowing #belief_systems #thinking #thought #understanding #maturity #empathy #emotion #feeling #hurt #pain #Parent_Ego_State #Adult_Ego_State #awareness #processing #tolerance #expectations #reason #justification #rationale #logic #idealism #counseling #relationship #social #people

Don’t Start Something You Can’t Finish

Can we manage the outcome?

The question defines the wisdom behind all actions. Actions define quality of life.

Actions lead to reactions.
Inputs lead to outcomes.
Consequences define futures.
Causal linkages of reasons and effects affect us all.
Ignorance isn’t the same as innocence.
Nature doesn’t ask if we were aware of it.
Rewards and punishments show up without calling.

Incomplete thinking leads to disordered actions.
Which lead to harmful consequences.
People act upon emotional impulses.
Curiosity. Anger. Frustration. Anxiety. Attraction. Lust. Escapism. Sex.
Feelings are emotionalized thoughts.
Their usability is defined by degree of completion in those thoughts.
Impulses are more of emotional outbursts and less of processed thoughts.
Impulses fail us in data collection about a situation and its analysis.
Impulses fail us in inventory inspection of strengths and weaknesses.
Impulses fail us in visualising all possible results out of present situation.
People start what they can’t finish.
Pain is the inevitable product of such ventures.

Remember that all situations, good bad or ugly, are there for us waiting to be turned into useful outcomes. Everything can be turned into profit.
We need to be calm and clarify our thoughts. Pride and desire are alright; they are drives to be and to get what we want; but an “assault” on pride and “appeal” of desire shouldn’t be read too much into.
We’re survivors, trying to live reasonably.
Learn self-composed mindfulness.
Be there for the present moment and look out; listen; smell. Know about present reality. See how its fabric is woven. See which threads lead to what outcomes.
Make your choices. Be conscious.
Be fluid in your thoughts.
Let feelings be there; don’t shut them out; for they guide us about our response to reality. But use that information; instead of getting engulfed in it.
Be aware of what we’re starting and where it shall lead.
Be in control.
Be there, till the finish.

#life #survival #success #self_care #self_help #input #output #cost #profit #loss #pain #result #gain #suffering #innocence #ignorance #beginning #venture #business #corporate #impulse #empowerment #conscious #awareness #choice #data_analysis #processing #positive_thinking #emotion #feeling

Let’s Not Compare Pain Lengths

I laughed at your pain.
You mocked mine.
We thought relief would be a gain.
Pain never left; it stayed fine.

I was in pain, for my reasons.
You were in pain, for yours.
I wanted my pain to be big.
That started the comparisons.

Why were we at it?
Why invalidate each other?
Did our pain-identifications fight?
Guess negativity tricked us; to live further.

Pain is pain; conscience had a call.
It’s neither big nor small.
It’s subjective; it’s different for all.
There are no scales; assuming ones was our fall.

I used my scale.
You used yours.
Silly of us; truth was so transparent.
Our scales were marked different.

My life has been my path.
Yours is the one you walked.
We never walked the same path.
Let’s not judge how we walked.

Let’s not judge our pasts.
Let’s not blame each other.
We both are victims.
Let’s not victimise each other further.

I won’t mock you for your cries.
I have no such right; and no gain.
Won’t fall for appealing negativity again.
Together, we can fight pain.

Positivity is possible.
We only need to say yes, together as kin.
Hating each other is how we fail.
Loving each other is how we win.

#pain #pain_management #therapy #counseling #healing #love #depression #anxiety #loss #betterment #improvement #comparison #past #breakup #loneliness #mental_disorder #psychology #illness #help #self_help #caring #social #help_group #life #strength #bonding #emotion #feeling #positive_thinking #mindset

Relationship isn’t a Clinic

“I know I have psychological problems now; but I’ll be happy once I get in a relationship.”

Huh?

I’ve seen people saying this about themselves.
I’ve seen parents thinking the same about their sons and daughters. There are folks who get their gems married off for that sole purpose. Psychological betterment.

Why?

What’s a relationship about?
Is it a therapy?
Is it a clinic to get a treatment?
What about your partner?
Is he/she going to be your doctor/clinician/counselor/psychologist on a permanent basis?
Is your idea of romance “doctor and patient”? “Clinician and client”?
Seriously?
Are we so trying to over-glorify the “Guardian Angel” theme here, a role we expect our partners to play?

Do we realise how wrong we are, on so many different levels?
To begin with, we know we have problems; or our kids have problems.
THAT, right there, is ample reason to stop thinking about anything else and start working on ourselves.
But that’s going to take efforts.
Is that what we’re trying to avoid?
Is that why we have developed this convenient belief that once we get partners, they’ll do the hard work for us and gift-wrap our betterment nicely and place it sweetly in our laps?
Do we realise that we’re totally taking that future person for granted?
What’s the plan? Hide our problems when the romance sparks; and when it matures, let them have the full load of it all; and then, perhaps, emotionally blackmail them to get us out of those problems, with big words about “love” and “responsibility”?

There are some who’ll argue that when someone becomes our partner, that person should take responsibility and accept us as we are and help us for our problems: ooh, sweetheart, do we let them SEE what kind of problems we have BEFORE they get in the relationship? Do we let them see what they’re getting into? Do we give them a choice? The answers are shockingly and obviously negative. And even if we succeed in that game, what exactly are they going to do about it? What makes us think they’ll sort it out? Does switching their status from “single” to “in relationship” automatically turn them into trained psychologists? Why are we sinking in that silly wishful thinking?

A relationship is about two strong quanta of positive energy merging their strengths to celebrate the essence of life.
It’s something to be made into a beauty.
It’s not a space we get to hijack and unload our problems on to.
Our partners cannot ever be taken for granted like that. They deserve better than our dishonest self-convenient entrapments.

If you have problems, get help now.
Get in action, now. Let’s be real.
You owe it to your future relationships;
but mostly, you owe that to yourself.

#relationship #love #romance #couple #boyfriend #girlfriend #marriage #married #husband #wife #problems #issues #depression #anxiety #psychology #psychiatry #mental #mind #trust #deception #betrayal #games #Adult #caring #counseling #psychologist #therapy #relationship_goals #maturity #honesty

The Good, The Bad, and The Smart

When they give you two options,
choose the third option.

They’ll stay limited to being “good” and being “bad”.
The problem with being good and being bad is that both are predictable.
Second problem is that these are titles and their definitions depend on who defines them; they change with each new guy.
It doesn’t work.
They learn it soon; and decide to remain in the grey area; an in-between state.
They think it’ll work.
It doesn’t.
It engulfs you in a state of confusion forever; because who knows the boundaries and limits of being grey?
Placing yourself in the indefinite chaos of grey is equally unproductive as definite but narrow state of good/bad.

The third option is being smart.
It means being aware.
Being conscious.
Being cautious.
Being vigilant.
Being mindful.
Using all senses.
Being practical; realistic; pragmatic.
Gaining data. Processing that data.
Understanding streams and flows.
Observing people.
Observing how they move; how they talk; what they talk about; what they don’t.
Thinking out of the box.
Finding uses for things they were not meant to be used as.
Reckoning others’ moves.
Finding and creating opportunities.
Applying yourself and seeing how the experience forms out.
Acknowledging emotions; processing why they’re there and what they say; using that data to know where you need more fortification; but never letting those feelings cloud your vision.
Staying true to the goal; but never remaining at one place.
Always shifting, phasing; always vibrant.
Always adapting.
Improvising when necessary.
Achieving small victories and placing them forward as investments for bigger objectives.
Putting all strengths in use.
Identifying all weaknesses and constantly replacing them with capacities.
Continuously evolving.
Being fluid.

That’s survival.
And your skill at it determines your success.

#success #goal #objective #achievement #inspiration #motivation #outcome #output #aspiration #good #bad #smart #focus #think_out_of_box #thinking #positive #useful #effort #awareness #survival #life #win #victory #adaptation #improvisation #investment #empowerment #mindfulness #different #coaching

“Listen, We Need To Talk…”

“Listen, we need to talk.”
Some say it’s the most dreaded statement one can hear in a relationship.
Mostly because they see it like this:
“Oh my God. A ‘talk’. It’s time for a load of complaints, criticism, judgment, rectifications, implications of needed modifications; ideas about a whole lot of changes; full with pie charts and tree charts and graphs and statistical analysis. Oh my God, I’m under attack.”
So, sometimes it’s replied with a direct “Not now, honey.”

The notion is simple: “I don’t want to deal with this right now. Maybe later. Preferably never. But surely not now. I’m not in that space right now. Not now honey. Go away honey. Leave me alone honey.”
Except that the other person is VERY MUCH in that space; and a lack of availability to take it further annoys that person all the more intensely.
Why? It’s because “we need to talk” is a conclusion; and that person arrives at that conclusion after certain observations and certain irritations and certain pains and certain lacks, felt acutely and undeniably. It’s trash that the trash-bin can’t contain anymore. An unreciprocated “we need to talk” space is a further stab that makes the pain explode.

The fun is, both people are entitled to choose their spaces and times for that discussion; which essentially means they’re also entitled not to choose the space the other person is offering.
And that begs a question: How to arrive at an equilibrium of spaces where that discussion can happen without screams and shouts?

The answer is in awareness and acknowledgement, from both people, about that difference in each other’s mental spaces.

The recipient of “we need to talk” may want to acknowledge the partner’s need by consciously stating “I understand” – I understand that you’re in pain and I appreciate you’re trying to create a zone in which we can communicate about it. And if that need can’t be catered to immediately, then that too can be conveyed in realistic terms, with an addition of “when I’ll be available for this”, to respect the fact that it’s for the betterment of relationship. And of course, ACTUALLY be there for the discussion at the agreed time. No procrastination. No chickening out.

The person who begins with “we need to talk”, on the other hand, also needs to appreciate that the discussion will lead to positive outcomes only when it’s carried out in such a space in which both people can be totally present for it. A useful way, maybe, would be to first check what your partner is engaged into, at that time, and directly ask, “let me know when you can be available for this”. It conveys it to the partner that his/her time and personal work is getting valued, as opposed to the whole thing feeling like an invasion or a burden thrown at their head without any care for their own pains at present.

Remember that “we need to talk” isn’t about complaints. It’s about communication. And the purpose is betterment; not “I versus you”.
Be conscious. Be aware.
That this is all for love.

#relationship #love #couple #dating #married #marriage #girlfriend #boyfriend #husband #wife #breakup #divorce #therapy #counseling #communication #dialogue #talks #discussion #understanding #personal_space #be_there_for_you #caring #maturity #betterment #relief #pain #anger #frustration #depression #issues

Think Big about Being Small

Looks deceive.
And it cuts both ways.
It’s true for the other guy. And you too.

Since ancient times we’ve been carrying a belief.
We think sizes matter.
It’s assumed that strength belongs to who’s big.
Sure it does.
But it belongs much more to the one who knows how to use it in exact and precise quantities.
And many a times, a tiny scalpel knows how to do that rather than a big giant axe.

The axe is heavy. It asks for heaving it backward to gain potential and then bringing it forward. It asks for lot of time in it; and an assumption that the enemy will stay still for all of that to be done and over.
A scalpel, on the other hand, finishes the job quick. Efficient. In hardly any time.
Being small, helps.

Giant trees are brought down by ants working methodically; lions fail at the task.
Ancient kings had more fear of dying of diseases caused by microbes rather than an invasion by a conquerer.
That’s why history is ripe of examples of small people who actually knew how to use being small to their benefit.
Even today, special operation units of militaries worldwide prefer small sized people; because they get things done that a seven-feet-tall hulk can’t. They can hide in small gaps. They can cause small but useful gaps in necks that need to be slotted without noise. They’re the people who get the job done.

Being small is a useful camouflage.
A lot can hide under something small and delicate. A lot goes unnoticed.
People don’t pay attention. Not enough.
Biases and compulsive underrating rules many minds. And it’s beneficial when enemies underestimate you. It’s beneficial when they choose to sprawl on that belief and look away.
Gives you a good opportunity to strike.

Survival and ascension both have something in common.
One needs to work at minute details with acute precision. One needs to be small enough to be eligible for the task.
It’s the little things that matter.
It’s the little people who make big changes.
It’s the little spider that can throw the greatest of webs. Catch the greatest of game. Rule greatest of areas.

It’s a big weapon you have if you’re small.
Think big about small things.
You’ll win.

#success #goal #strength #skills #survival #fight #war #stealth #win #winner #small_things #details #think_big #predator #deception #warfare #strategy #empowerment #camouflage #judgment #underestimate #confidence #focus #struggle #tactics #weapon #opportunity #awareness #attention #sizes

Destinations

Who are you searching for?
What are you searching for?
Are you tuned to it?

A partner is a destination.
So is a life goal.
We don’t arrive at these destinations.
It’s the other way around.
We become those destinations.
Positivity arrives at us.

Life works like a radio.
We hear stations to which our frequencies are tuned.
It includes all aspects of reality at present moment.
The people we meet. The experiences we have. The money we have. The joys we have. The feelings we have.
It depends on our thoughts and actions at present. Here and now.
Positive action taken on a positive path leads to positive outcomes.
Positivity attracts positivity.
But positivity asks for eligibility.
We must strive to acquire that eligibility.

You deserve the love you want in life.
You deserve the peace you want in life.
If you lack it in your life today, know that it’s a destination you turn yourself into, after a journey, toward which positivity will get pulled.

Start your walk, my friend.
And if you’re already on one, keep walking.
It’s the persistence that makes us eligible.
The love you wish is waiting to come to you, along with the person you wish to be.

#love #success #relationship #journey #struggle #goal #partner #positive #thinking #persistence #motivation #desire #transformation #winner #gains #empowerment #inspiration #strength #aspiration #be_legend #think_big #living #being_single #counseling #coaching #destination