© Apoorv Vikas

Some order from up top.
Legends command at the lead.

Some motivate.
Legends inspire.

Some describe what’s wanted.
Legends show how to get what’s wanted.

Some demand respect.
Legends command respect.

Some demand others to work for them.
Legends make others desire for the same.

Some describe great men.
Legends work to be those great men.

Some quote ancient wise ones.
Legends voice out what’s useful for today.

Some demand perfection from first day.
Legends build perfection day by day.

Some scold weaknesses in others.
Legends help transcend those weaknesses.

Some blackmail into working longer.
Legends inspire to work smarter.

Some project their knowledge.
Legends help build others’ knowledge.

Some hide their vulnerability.
Legends keep them open; betterment in availability.

Some talk about “me”.
Legends admire the essence of “we”.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
Psychologist and Empowerment Coach
(Nigdi Pune India)
© Apoorv Vikas

#success #growth #goal #objective #leadership #leader #boss #ambition #inspiration #motivation #aspiration #dreams #work #effort #business #corporate #jobs #fight #war #legend #king #fighter #achievement #focus #dedication #commitment #strength #weakness #integrity #empowerment

© Apoorv Vikas

It’s about presence.
It’s not just about existence.
Little things matter, dear.

It’s about a hand on the shoulder.
Warm and genuine; not ritualistic and colder.
Little things matter, dear.

It’s about nodding, “I’ll be there.”
Just an afternoon together; not always a party somewhere.
Little things matter, dear.

It’s about feeling the acknowledgement.
It’s not just about a nice comment.
Little things matter, dear.

It’s about hugging them.
It’s not just about holding on to them.
Little things matter, dear.

It’s about a hand stretched wordlessly to a call given wordlessly.
It’s not just about gifts and flowers, scented and costly.
Little things matter, dear.

It’s about asking, “what happened?” with care.
It’s not necessary to make it into “what did I do wrong?” with tensed air.
Little things matter, dear.

It’s about caressing a wrinkled cheek.
OK; it’s not always going to be a pretty perfect smile on that cheek.
Little things matter, dear.

It’s about allowing to be.
It’s not just about letting them be.
Little things matter, dear.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#love #care #couple #relationship #marriage #married #boyfriend #girlfriend #husband #wife #romance #understanding #appreciation #admiration #acknowledgement #support #being_there #be_there_for_you #little_things #therapy #counseling #old_age #aging #dating #togetherness #commitment

© Apoorv Vikas

Growth is knowing.
Maturity is understanding what’s known.

Growth is finding.
Maturity is imbibing what’s found.

Growth is gaining.
Maturity is retaining what’s gained.

Growth is conquering.
Maturity is developing what’s conquered.

Growth is expanding.
Maturity is staying true to the core while expanding.

Growth is being many.
Maturity is knowing that we’re one among many.

Growth is excellence.
Maturity is tolerance.

Growth is mastering much.
Maturity is learning that you, as a master, need no slaves and won’t get ones either.

Growth is reaching ahead of opinions.
Maturity is realising everyone is entitled to their opinions.

Growth is ambition.

Maturity is patience.

Growth is learning applicability.
Maturity is knowing that there’s no universality to applicability.

Growth is knowing life.
Maturity is knowing that mechanisms of life apply themselves whether you know them or not.

Growth is you.
Maturity is realising that universe was never limited to you.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
(Nigdi Pune India)
© Apoorv Vikas

#knowing #knowledge #growth #maturity #understanding #improvement #human #being #master #skill #universe #life #society #social #Adult_Ego_State #TA #counseling #coaching #self_help #expansion #progress #humility #noble #limits #path #connect #universality #applicability

© Apoorv Vikas

– Day 1.
Friends are cheering for you.
Others don’t know you exist.

– Day 2.
Friends are encouraging you.
Others are busy ignoring you.

– Day 10.
Friends have forgotten you are at it.
Others can’t help notice you.

– Day 30.
Friends are nowhere to be seen.
Others have started smirking, commenting, taunting, judging, criticising, laughing effort-full of laughs to deliver the message: “we hate you”; which basically camouflages “we have decided to feel insecure because of your consistency, dedication and commitment.”

– Day 100-1000.
Friends reboot their memory. “Oh, wow, you’re still at it. Great.” And leave. Work. Worries. Families. Girlfriends. Boyfriends.
Others have parted in three groups.
One group lets you be. They’ve got the message.
One group is weary, averting gazes, feeling stupid inside that their taunts and comments didn’t work; didn’t deviate you; didn’t do crap to you.
And the last group basically shows up there to actively hate you. They have given up on their own dreams. They have given up on their own efforts. They have given up on their own paths. What you’ve been doing is too scary and too strong and too much of a slap to their faces, because they’ve never seen stuff like this before, not your kind of stuff, not your kind of effort and progress and sincerity, not anything like it. You’re inhuman. You’re superhuman. It’s the kind of work that makes them hysterical. Their laughs are too high-pitched; their high-fives to each other are too animated; and there’s a reason. They’re way too scared of you to show it; they’ve developed an obsessive compulsive hate, mockery and abuse for you which makes them think it’s OK even if they never reach their own goals – because who does? Who works with such resilience and devotion? Who shows up to be at it, day after day, month after month, training and pushing and grunting and taking hits and giving hits without giving up even freaking once? Who the hell do you think you are? Who the hell you actually are? They ask; and the answer shocks them.
What’s really scary, for them, is that your effort basically assures that there’ll be no difference between who you think you are and who you will be; because you’re building yourself into your success, and that, my friend, is too horrible and gut-wrenching and unthinkable and unexpected and perfect and splendid and awesome and great and beautiful.

That’s how enemies encourage you.
By being there for you to tell you that you simply cannot be ignored; you’re damn too big and heavy in your effort and you’re freaking destined to win.

– Counselor and Empowerment Coach Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#success #goal #life_goal #objective #dreams #aspiration #ambition #effort #progress #development #achievement #focus #resilience #motivation #inspiration #criticism #judgment #mockery #abuse #enemy #opponent #jealousy #commitment #dedication #win #warrior #spirit #encouragement #never_give_up #be_legend

© Apoorv Vikas

Assumptions come with no price tags but lots of hidden costs.
Assumption of rights is the costliest of all;
and assumption of birthright throws surprises at us greater than all.

Certain configurations of life may trick us into believing that certain rights are reserved for us. Bloodlines. Families. Signatures on old papers by old men lost in the insignificance of past. Ideas that trick us into believing we’d need no extra effort to own what’s “rightfully” ours. And for the time being, that may be true as well.

But beware.
Power and control have been biggest of inspirations for those who know hunger only as greed.
Vultures are patient birds.
They’re there. They’re always there.
They wait. For the right time. For the right opportunity. For when you aren’t looking; or when you don’t know what to look for.
They allow you to lose your vigilance and sprawl on the belief of your assumed assurances about your statures in life.
They let you take yourself and the world for granted.
They seize the chance because you give it to them.
Many have fallen prey to this scheme.

Eligibilities have to be earned.
Even to wield swords placed in our scabbards by our forefathers.
If you have something, hold on to it.
Know what it is. Be its student.
Invest it; invest yourself into it.
Use it. Get it operational.
And be in control of those operations.
Don’t outsource its use to someone else;
be there yourself.
Make it a part of yourself.
Take nothing for granted.
You’re truly entitled to things only when you establish a firm command on those things in such ways that nobody else can think of anybody else’s name when it comes to using that power.
If you have power, always keep it close to you.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#power #rights #birthrights #bloodline #family #royal #dynasty #constitution #vulture #cunning #greed #control #victim #trick #smart #abuse #invasion #war #fight #survival #life #focus #awareness #investment #tools #authority #command #rule #vigilance #caution

© Apoorv Vikas

Is there a universality to perceptions?
Can there be?
What is a perception?
Is it not a result of a reaction to something from the psyche?
Is psyche not a structure of lifelong chain sequence of experiences and responses?
Are these experiences and responses not unique to the individual?
So isn’t perception and reaction unique to the individual?

Isn’t it insane to stubbornly demand that others should agree to our opinions?
Wouldn’t life be more comfortable if we all realise and accept that what we think and believe about something has its own limits, defined by the approach we use to look at things?
Wouldn’t it be saner to accept that our beliefs have no universal suitability; that different people will always have different opinions about same thing and they’re entitled to those opinions?

What is maturity?
Isn’t it about accepting that we can coexist along with differences in our opinions?

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)

#social #society #relationship #people #psychology #maturity #understanding #knowing #processing #opinion #thinking #feeling #belief #perception #truth #relativity #cohabitation #coexistence #existence #universality #demand #stubborn #narcissism #focus

© Apoorv Vikas

You’ve been there.
In that suspended moment.
When that little voice in your head tries to rationalize the bullyism you’re facing in present moment.
When you know perfectly well there’s nothing rational about it.
When you’re so convincing at acting like a weak poor person who just goes with the flow of getting bullied, that you even convince yourself.
When you know you’re doing it just to avoid a fight.
When you know you’ll scold yourself and pity yourself for the pathetic feel of it all later; when you’re back home to cry out the anguish and humiliation; because it’s nothing but rationalised self-defeat; and because you’re negating your own decision you made after last time that you won’t do this again.

When you know you should do something about it.
Because it shouldn’t happen to you.
Because you don’t deserve it happening to you.

What’s the goal here?
To avoid a fight?
What does it serve? Really?
Does it make it all stop?
Or does it encourage them to do it to you again, perhaps more frequently?
Does it encourage them to see you as a toy to be played with?

What’s a fight about?
Victory or defeat, right?
So what does avoiding a fight give us?
What SHOULD it give us, if we’re to see it as a smart choice?
It should give us a gain, right?
Or at least avoid a loss, right?
Is that what we’re getting out of this, here?
No.
We aren’t.
We are only handing our loss out to them, on a platter. Ready to eat.
Because it’s not going to stop, unless we give them a reason to.
It’s going to keep happening every day; because they have no reason not to make it happen every day, not yet.
Is that life?
Taking a beating every day to our body and mind and soul, is that life?

Avoiding a battle today makes sense only if we’re going to retreat and gain strengths to fight it tomorrow; because the only truth of war is that it never stops.
We can waste time thinking philosophically about how cruel nature has designed life;
Or we can accept it as it is and say yes to a chance of our victory;
Because fighting back isn’t “an” option;
It’s the ONLY option.

If you’re in search of a reason why you should fight back, it’s not because it gives them a reason to take you seriously; no, it’s really because it gives you a reason to take yourself seriously.
Yes, you don’t have the skills to do it today;
Yes, you’ll take a good beating if you try fighting back, for the lack of those skills today;
Yes, you’ll bleed and break and feel pain;
Yes, that’ll show you the maximum limits of all those evil things you were afraid of;
Yes, you’ll see they were only finite;
Yes, you’ll know your enemy;
And yes, it’ll inspire you to go and get those skills you lack and get them like crazy, because nothing motivates a person like the instinct to beat your bullies back does.
It’ll empower you.
It’ll set you on a useful path for life.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#fight #fight_back #warrior #survival #empowerment #strength #abuse #bullyism #bullying #bully #exploitation #enemy #war #spirit #growth #success #resilience #focus #betterment #improvement #victim #revolution #power #MMA #feminism #motivation #inspiration #self_care

© Apoorv Vikas

Power is a function.
Functions ask for tools.
Tools are found in people.
Usability enhances as well as reduces people to tools. Depends on perspectives.
To be used, tools are locked in toolboxes first. Lest they be stolen by others.
Or lest they develop an independent consciousness and decide to walk away.

There’s great appeal to friendships offered by power-holders. Many specifically cultivate such friendships with power-holders; for the perks are lucrative and greed makes even copper shimmer like gold.
But it’s about give and take.
One has to give things to get things.
It’s about cost and profit.
It’s about sacrifices.

Sacrifices are noble when one is in a position to make them independently; with choice.
What if one is left with no choice?
What if one has offered usabilities that upgrade one from being a tool to being a jewel; but usabilities that are too good to let one retain one’s independence?
What if one is reduced to a tool and locked as a prized jewel in a power-holder’s safe, taken out only to serve purposes the power-holder deems fit?

Many believe connections with those who glitter with power are a necessity for success.
Many fail to maintain their freedom while turning themselves into their rich friend’s most prized jewel.
Living as a diamond may be the most tragic fate that can befall a person. Diamonds tend to get locked in necklaces, taken out of safes only for occasions. I’ve seen no diamonds roaming freely.
One needs to maintain continuously vigilance. Awareness is the key. Consciousness is survival.
One needs to maintain the difference between friendships and possessions.
Friends retain their independence and individuality. Only the independent ones reach their goals.
Possessions have no such freedom. Because they help only their masters to reach their goals.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#independence #freedom #individuality #rights #exploitation #abuse #usability #survival #awareness #conscious #vigilance #smart #tools #jewels #people #slaves #masters #domination #dictation #rule #rich #power #authority #goal #advantage #friend #business #corporate #urban #possessiveness

© Apoorv Vikas

A possibility’s monologue:

“Hello, mom and dad.
I’m a possibility of successful life that you two created.
Growing. Developing. Evolving.
Waiting to get actualized.

“I love you. I love the life you’ve given me.
I may or may not have full comprehension of all the struggles you go through today, to keep me safe and provide me with a healthy atmosphere; but somewhere in my future, I see that realisation. I thank you for everything you’re doing, in advance.

“Talking about keeping me safe,
I see it in your eyes that you have some plans for me.
Plans are funny things.
Plans decide some destinations and add certain routes.
And that essentially means subtracting certain other destinations and routes altogether.
Of course, you feel like it’s your duty as well as your right to choose one destination for me. Which parent wouldn’t?

“But, mom, dad;
I’ve been meaning to ask you;
Who tells you which destinations to choose and which paths to omit?
I don’t see you asking me. Don’t get me wrong – I know I haven’t traversed any paths yet to have any useful input in that regard.
You know it too; so you ask your own past selves. Your past answers the questions about me; because it’s the only reference you have.
Natural.
But is it helpful?
Does your path tell you what’s the “useful” choice?
Or does it scream a lot more about what’s the “useless” choice?
Is it fueled with your own successes?
Or is it more of an overcompensating diatribe from your own failures?
Do you think more about what to have?
Or do you think more about what not to have?

“And how come YOUR past gets to decide MY future?
I understand that future is unknown;
I also understand that you work with what you have to make it known and you have nothing else apart from your own past;
but are we missing the fundamentals?
Are we missing it altogether that MY future is something NOT to be decided; but EXPLORED by the three of us in our PRESENT; here and now; with open dialogue; so that I’ll have the strengths I’ll need in future to sensibly and consciously CHOOSE a path, on my own?
Something that suits MY nature and aptitude and personality; and something compatible with my present, of that time, when I’ll be a changed person and the world will be changed place?
Can we do that?
Shall we do that?
Wouldn’t it be more useful to us?
Shall we start, now?”

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)

#child_care #counseling #parent #parenting #communication #dialogue #positive #thinking #job #career #education #destination #path #future #present #here_and_now #focus #decision #mom #dad #kids #success #failure #winner #life #goals #objective #aptitude #caring #boundaries

© Apoorv Vikas

Each one of us is a system.
A system with its own mechanism.
A system with its own ways.
It’s unique.
And different.
And that makes everything interesting.
And relative.
Such as definitions.
Of perfection, for example.

What is perfection?
Can there be a universal definition for it?
Really?
Is it not relative to individual perceptions?
Is it not a title given to an individual’s specific offering in a field of work, by that individual or perhaps by someone else who got really impressed with what they saw?
Is it not a relative term, then?
Like everything else in human life?
Is it not simply based on perceptions and belief systems and thought processes instilled in the psyche?
And how do these perceptions set in?
Are they not set after lifelong patterns set after lifelong experiences, which are unique to the individual and can be registered as true only within that person’s personal boundaries?

It’s understandable to demand perfection when we’re expected to lead a team for a specific outcome that’s been specifically defined and chosen for the benefit of all; but some individuals go “ramrod” even in their relationships and social cycles.
Does it help to DEMAND a specific parameter for an output given by someone else, just because it’s our idea of “perfection”?
Does it help us or others when we invade their personal spaces and force them to follow our idea of “perfection”?
Does it help to relentlessly complain, judge and criticize people for its lack?
Or would it help more if we accept that different people have different ways of life; and it’s useful to accept that fact?
Would it be real maturity if we understand that, as social beings, we need to develop a tolerance for that difference, with conscious awareness of “for what” and “how much” we can be lenient; and we can have our “perfection” only when we work in our own personal spaces?

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#perfection #perception #psyche #thought #thinking #mind #idea #unique #demand #personal_space #bully #obnoxious #narcissism #superiority_complex #understanding #growth #maturity #relationship #judgement #criticism #critic #experience #tolerance #acceptance #awareness #adult_ego_state #adult_integration

© Apoorv Vikas

They exist.
They’re everywhere.
They’re in search for just one thing: “Whose ideas differ to mine?”
Why? “Because it’s a crime to differ to my ideas.” End of file.
They find an answer all around them.
They raise their eyebrows.
Their mouths spread in a wolfish smirk.
“My prey…”
They phase quickly into that zone. “The critic”. With their entire body-language. Fast.
Annoying, useless, deconstructive criticism starts cascading out if them, like dirty water out of an industrial waste outlet; explaining how others are “so wrong”. Years and years of practice helps them.
Or does it?

What’s more useful?
Ranting about how others will lose?
Or placing inputs about how all can win?
It’s obvious that this focus on self-superiority by means of deconstructive criticism helps nobody else; but it helps these narcissists the least.
They soon become social pariahs.
Avoided, shunned out, ignored.
Why?
Not just because what they do is hurtful; it’s more because what they do is useless.

How’s our communication?
Is it patterned?
Or is it consciously delivered?
Keep it positive.
Keep it constructive.
Keep it useful.
Keep it creative.
Focus on the outcome.
Focus on adding to the usability of conversation.
The world is full of critics, judges and mockers. We need no more of that lot. They’ve brought us no joys and no use.
We need men and women who can put in progressive streams of dialogue that can benefit many to build something useful for all.

It takes thought.
It takes analysis.
It takes understanding.
It needs the tongue connected to the brain.
It takes effort.
But it’s a necessity of civilised life.
It’s how we find order out of chaos.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#communication #dialogue #soft_skills #talks #speech #word #thought #positive #constructive #creative #mansplaining #criticism #judgement #critic #judging #deconstructive #usability #input #output #focus #consequences #understanding #people #narcissism #superiority_complex

© Apoorv Vikas

An Achiever’s Expression:

I don’t have New Years.
I have New Moments.
I evolve each moment.
I’m never the same.
I’m new. Each second.

I don’t have New Year Resolutions.
I have Life Goals.
I set them long time ago.
By staying true to what I am; and what I want to be.
By staying true to realistic self-appraisal.
I’m always aware.
Aware of what I am.
Aware of how strong I am.
Aware of how weak I am.
Aware of what I need to be next.
Aware of what I need now.
Aware of from where to get it.
Aware what I’m doing and why I’m at it.
Aware of profits and losses of actions.
Aware of my deviations from the straight line to my success.
Aware of necessary corrections in my path.
I’m at it. I’m always at it.

My path isn’t a segment in a set.
My path isn’t a fragment with a disconnection.
My path is a continuum. From moment to moment.
I watch out.
I adapt.
I have plans. They come with expiry dates.
They’re good for now.
But not necessarily good for tomorrow.
The trick is to be ready for it.
I improvise.
I see uses for things now that I couldn’t see once upon a time.
I never stay still.
I’m vibrant on my feet; while my mind is rooted to my destination.
I’m a student of life.
I’ve passed many of its tests; because I’ve failed many of its tests.
I never let life trick me.
It’s now an instinct for me.
I know what’s it going to do before it knows.
These days I teach my destiny what to do next.

I win. I’m winning. Now.
It’s not an event in my future.
It’s in here and now.
It’s in what I’m doing now.
I’m at it.
I’m always at it.
There’s no “right decision”.
There’s just me, my goal, and relentless effort fueled with a burning desire to have what I want.
It’s like sex for me. I need no external motivation.
I AM MY MOTIVATION.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#success #goal #life_goal #objective #result #win #achievement #progress #growth #development #betterment #improvement #leader #aspiration #effort #commitment #inspiration #motivation #desire #will_power #mind_power #ambition #dreams #vision #new_year #decision #dedication #strength #adapt #plan

© Apoorv Vikas

They are sweet.
They will grow strong.
They are innocent.
They will grow smart.
They are possibilities.
They will be actualities.

They are next link in evolution.
They are next step in progress.
They are next move for advancement.

But they are a wet clump of clay.
They ask to be shaped.
Offered present designs a future.
Actions and reactions.
Stimuli and responses.
They try to connect with the surroundings.
With words. With actions.
They’re curious. For what happens next.
It’s how Nature programmed them.
Received reactions are remembered.
They shape up the future.
Which can be nice. Or phenomenal.
Or sad. Or too sad.

Let’s shape them wisely.
Let’s be aware that each word matters.
Let’s realise that each expression matters.
Let’s remember that each complete transaction rewards; and each failed connect costs.
They act in present.
But it’s the future that we respond to.
A brilliant future asks for a strong past.
That past is our present. Here. Now.
With how we respond to a positive act on their part; which may seem trivial to an adult engrossed in a smartphone.
Or, with how we respond to a negative act on their part; which may seem inexcusable to an adult late for work.
It’s never just about rewards and punishments. We aren’t raising circus animals.
It’s about communication.
An active process to encourage healthy individual thinking processes.
It’s not just about “mommy likes it” and “daddy hates it”.
It’s about unlocking the WHY.
Why it’s positive. Why it’s negative.

Success calls for an integration of intellectual and emotional strengths.
Skills, growing on the path of self-evolving conscience. With conscious awareness of what’s useful and what’s harmful.
A forward drive to reach definite goals;
with complete acknowledgement of most healthy paths toward the destination.
With, of course, an enjoyment of the journey.
A useful way to instil all that,
is to ask, rather than telling; and making them check the answers they offer.
That’s called self development.
It’s how success is built. In all walks of life.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)

#success #goal #objective #inspiration #ambition #positive #thinking #feeling #emotion #child_care #parent #child #parenting #growth #counseling #training #focus #development #future #progress #personality #maturity #awareness #evolution #life #EQ #SQ #communication #mom #dad

© Apoorv Vikas

“No, honey; there won’t always be a shotgun in my hand.
What’s horrible is that I wish there was one.
What’s more horrible is that the idea puts a smile on my face.

“But I’ll still rack the pump and discharge a good shot.
You’ll ask something.
I’ll pretend I’m deaf.
You’ll smile at me in the morning.
I’ll pretend you don’t even exist.
You’ll call on my phone.
I’ll leave it ringing.
You’ll ask me to do something about something.
I’ll flatly say, “No”; and leave it there.
There was a time when you coming close to me excited me.
Now I’ll act out the dead fish act I’ve perfected in my mind.
I’ll refuse your touch. I’ll deny you touch.
Hate. Shots after shots. Just hate.

“And then I’ll take it a step forward.
I’ll mirror what you do.
Which can be anything and everything.
From lack of hygiene to cheating.
It’s eye for an eye.
I’ll make sure it’ll be impossible for you to live; because nobody can deal with the physical embodiments of their own negative nature.
And I’m your partner, dear. I know what part of you you really hate when it’s mirrored to you.
I’ll empty the shotgun in you.

“This space, this relationship was once sweet and sexy and my most favorite place in the world. Here, with you, was where beauty resided.
Now, these waters are dead.
Now love has turned to hate.
Now impulses are strategy.
Now smiles are smirks.

“Don’t get me wrong; I know I’m equal in blame.
We’ve spent all these years basically complementing the cause-and-effect chain reaction of each other’s stupidity.
My impulses, your reactions.
Your impulses, my reactions.
What we should’ve been doing, was to be conscious of what we were doing.
Respond, rather than react.
Communicate, rather than blurt out.
Understand, rather than judge.
We didn’t. And that’s why we are here.

“Can we restart? Reboot?
Do we have the strength for it?
Strength is born out of love.
Do we love each other?
Is this hate a reflection of that love?
Or is that just poetry and what we have is just pure hate and we’re doomed for good?
Can two people who once loved each other, build it back? Is it possible?
Things are made possible.
Do we have what it takes?
Do we want to?
Why am I asking? Does it mean I want to?
Do you?

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#relationship #couple #marriage #married #breakup #divorce #stress #depression #abuse #domination #exploitation #provoked #romance #sex #boyfriend #girlfriend #husband #wife #counseling #therapy #talk #communication #anxiety #catharsis #love #attraction

© Apoorv Vikas

Trust is believing.
Faith is knowing.
Trust is connecting.
Faith is bonding.
Trust is transacting.
Faith is sharing.
Trust is surviving.
Faith is living.

A relationship is a journey from trust to faith.
When fights are fought together;
When wars are won together;
When wounds are healed together;
When motivation is shared together;
Trust turns to faith.

When motivation for togetherness turns to inspiration for living as one, trust turns to faith.
Love is that space where two individuals who KNOW each other, reach that level where all they have to do is to look at each other; and the wordless communication in a split second completes ten pages of dialogue.
Two strong streams come together.
They merge.
They complement each other’s strengths.
They compensate for each other’s lacks.
They process each other without judgement.
They become best things that ever happened to each other.
Celebration of that merge is love.

We all are in search of that.
But it isn’t given to us.
It asks to be built.
It asks people to work themselves up to that level.
Relationship is a function; a process; for an output called love.
It provides tools for two people to evolve to a genuine, loving and caring space.
Evolve to better communication.
Evolve to better empathy.
Evolve to better understanding.
Evolve to an active inspiration to be there for each other.
It’s fun. It’s serious too.
It’s exciting. It’s pacifying too.
It takes patient and active engagement into self-evolution.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#love #relationship #couple #romance #trust #faith #devotion #be_there_for_you #life_goal #girlfriend #boyfriend #wife #husband #trust_issues #evolution #understanding #maturity #Adult_Ego #care #caring #partner #personal_space #judging #criticism #communication #empathy #emotion #feeling #positive #human

© Apoorv Vikas

Thank you, world.
For not being there.
It motivated me to be there for myself.

Thank you, world.
For shunning me out.
It motivated me to open up to myself.

Thank you, world.
For mocking me.
It inspired me to respect myself.

Thank you, world.
For criticising me.
It told me I am progressing.

Thank you, world.
For judging me for things that never happened to you.
It told me how unexampled my experiences are.

Thank you, world.
For placing thorns in my path.
It taught me how to make shoes out of them.

Thank you, world.
For letting me down.
It inspired me never to do that to my closed ones.

Thank you, world.
For misunderstanding and misinterpreting.
It trained me in better dialog with self.

Thank you, world.
For placing darkness in my path.
It motivated me to find light.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

“In the end, it’s about learning you can be strong on your own.” – Unknown

#strength #empowerment #power #skill #self_help #care #be_there_for_you #alone #capacity #ability #learn #know_yourself #confidence #experience #lesson #expression #mocking #bullyism #judging #criticising #abuse #harassment #rejection #failure #humiliation #rise #growth #positive #thinking #feeling

#bucket_list ©Apoorv Vikas

I’m a spark. You’re reality.
I’m emotion. You’re reason.
I’m inspiration. You’re logic.

I’m that trek you were going to have in Himalayas.
I’m that bike ride you were going to have in the hills.
I’m that cycle route you had planned that spanned 300km.
I’m that swim in the Gibraltar.
I’m that travel to Scandinavia.
I’m that sport you loved in college.
I’m that computer language you once aspired to learn, for no reason.
I’m that wooden hut you once wanted to build on your own; I’m that carpentry you thought of learning for that.
I’m the German language. Or Mandarin.
I’m the novel you once wanted to read.
Or write.
I’m the girl you saw on the bus stop 20 years ago; still waiting for you to paint me from memory, as you had decided then.
I’m the friend you haven’t seen since school; although we were inseparable back then.
I’m that grandpa you haven’t talked with since your teens; although I’m still there frozen in that time, waiting for a chance to share things with you.
I’m that cancer home you once decided to donate to; but didn’t.
I’m an apology you know is pending for 30 years.
I’m a forgiveness you know is pending since eternity.

Needs came first. Wants piled up quick.
Desires turned to necessities.
Daring turned to insecurities.
Tasks had priority. I became a minority.
Shoved to the back of mind; frozen with shock, first, that you rejected me.
But hey. I understand.
It’s been so many years. I understand.
And I’m here. I’ll always be here.
I won’t forget you. You can’t forget me.
Achievements and accomplishments are lined up in all those medals in the showcase; great dear, I’m proud of you.
Lived a long span for others, you sure did.
But dear, can we live a bit for ourselves?
Now? Just you and I?

Can we?

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)

#life #lifestyle #living #dream #aspiration #growth #hobby #interest #personal #past #success #travel #sport #midlife #adult #fun #goal #positive #daring #self_help #care #people #social #young #feeling #thinking #emotion #approach #attitude

© Apoorv Vikas

Please Note: This post is for persons who face non-clinical psychological issues in life; and NOT for patients of clinical disorders.

To make mistake, is human.
To reward it in kind, is nature.
Not all mistakes are purposeful.
Many are innocent.
Nature pardons no innocence.

Life offers incentives.
Joys are advertised in multiple forms.
People with dimpled chins and bright smiles. Material things with maddening appeals and bright shines. Ventures that promise success and power in short times.
Variety of drives propel us toward those incentives.
At times, it’s greed.
At times, it’s curiosity.
At times, it’s impatience.
But not always.
Sometimes, it’s pure innocence.
Something that blinds us to the dark corners and deafens us to hushed whispers.
Something that hides the inadequacy of awareness and abilities we’d need to finish what we’re starting.
Nature shows us what we lack.
With measures that cannot be ignored.
Such as pain. And loss.
They demand to be felt. Can’t ignore them.
Nature’s lessons are exact.

Is innocence our weakness?
No. It’s lack of awareness that hurts us.
One key is knowledge.
Data about the depth of waters before we dive. Data about its currents before we begin the swim. Data about the fish who’ve been in there since long. Data about which fish can be food and which beauty is a trap.
Second key is skills.
Ability to navigate a beneficial course through those same waters.
Understanding of what to fight and what to duck away from.
But most important: we need to know what we are; before we get to know how the waters are.
Awareness begins with self-awareness.
Different waters hit different people differently.
Awareness is bringing into conscious understanding, how unique we are; so that we can apply ourselves.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
#success #life #awareness #caution #conscience #conscious #goal #fight #struggle #incentive #trap #survival #understanding #knowledge #power #exploitation #abuse #self_help #coaching #counseling #attention #data #ability #strength #innocence #nature #mistake #lesson #positive #wisdom

© Apoorv Vikas

Success asks for action.
Action leads to results.
Results come with byproducts.
Not all of which are desirable.
Not all the time.
That necessitates checking consequences.
And success necessitates managing those consequences.
In constructive and productive ways.
Because inaction fueled with fear from those consequences isn’t an option.
And neither is taking others for granted.
Because it’s not just about you.
It’s about others as well.

They say you have to break some eggs to make an omelet.
Many use it as a wild-card free pass to excuse hurting self and others in the name of “necessary sacrifice”.
This isn’t about that.
This is about checking the affect of those broken eggs, in real terms.
Who. When. How.

It’s about four basic questions:
1. Am I causing physical hurt?
2. Am I invading anybody’s personal space and halting their growth as a person?
3. Am I causing uncalled-for financial loss for anybody?
4. Do I pose a threat to public safety and global peace?

It’s wiser to check it before you break the eggs.
It’s smarter to have a plan to control the outcome, before you fry the omelet.

To control consequences, awareness is the key.
Entire picture must be brought to conscious realisation.
The past that inspired the action.
The present that affects the process.
The future that’s a destination after traversing a variety of paths.
People. And means.
Input and output.
Cost and profit.
Efficiency and result.
To manage, is to choose paths that lead to most productive of work fashions.
To control, is to avail most beneficial paths to multitude of people without self-proclaimed choices for their lives in the name of “greater good” and “big picture”.
And if such paths don’t exist,
they need to be built.

Success isn’t about what you manage.
It’s about how you manage it.
It’s about how you evolve yourself to actualise this entire process.
It takes breathtaking patience to formulate that process without falling prey to the incentives of lucrative short term gains.
That’s how the wise and the smart turn themselves into legends.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
#success #action #positive #thought #result #goal #growth #objective #decision #consequences #awareness #inspiration #motivation #choice #understanding #knowledge #management #operations #business #career #development #progress #achievement #leadership #corporate #focus #team #manpower

©अपूर्व विकास

ती आत आली तीच घरंगळत.
पोतं लोटून द्यावं तसं सोफ्यावर अंग टाकून दिलं; आणि प्रसंग ओळखून इकडे किचनमध्ये आईने आलेलं हसू प्रसन्नतेत पालटवलं.

“अपेक्षा नाहीच करायची म्हणजे काय गं?” तिशीच्या त्या लेकीने हॉलमधून आईच्या दिशेने प्रश्न भिरकावला. आई त्रिकालज्ञानी असल्यामुळे प्रश्नापूर्वीचा भूतकाळ विशद करण्याची तिला गरज वाटली नव्हती. “थोडीतरी अपेक्षा असतेच ना? मी नुसतं म्हटलं; शर्ट नको, कुर्ता घाल; तर लगेच चिडला. हेच असं तो मला सांगतो तेव्हा मात्र मी ऐकायचं असतं; नाहीतर चेष्टेने हैराण करतो. म्हणतो – बरोब्बर पार्टी असते तेव्हा ही बानूबया होते. हे काय? त्याची चिडचीड बघून मी आज म्हटलं; तूच जा. मी सरळ इथे आले निघून.”

आईने हातातल्या फडक्याने फ्रीजवरची नसलेली धूळ अलगद पुसली. शांत सावकाशपणे म्हणाली, “शर्टाऐवजी कुर्ता घातल्याने काय होतं गं?”
“पर्सनालिटीला एक उठाव येतो,” लेकीने विचार मांडला.

आईने एकदा लेकीच्या डोळ्यात नजर फेकली. आणि प्रश्न केला,
– “कुणाच्या दृष्टीने?”
– “अं – म्हणजे काय? इन जनरल…”
– “नाही बेटा. ‘इन जनरल’, ‘युनिवर्सली’, असलं काहीही नसतं. आपल्या मतांना, पर्सेप्शन्सना सर्वसमावेशक समजतो आपण; आणि घात करून घेतो.”
– “बरं. ओ के. ‘माझ्या दृष्टीने’, असं म्हणते मी.”
– “बरोबर. आणि तो तुला बानूबया म्हणतो. ते कोणाच्या दृष्टीने?”
– “त्याच्या दृष्टीने.”
– “बरोबर. तिथेही ‘युनिवर्सल’ असं काही नाही. दुसऱ्या एखाद्याला बानूबयाच उजवी वाटू शकते. बरं मला सांग; तुमचं हे फक्त कपड्यांपुरतं नि हेअरस्टाईलपुरतं लिमिटेड नसेल, ना? एकमेकांचं बोलणं, वागणं, चालणं, बसणं, उठणं, खाणं, करिअर मूव्ह, सोशल लाईफ, अशा प्रत्येक बाबतीत तुम्हाला काहीतरी खटकत असेल; काहीतरी बदलण्याचा अट्टहास असेल; हो ना?”
– “हो. मोअर अॉर लेस.”
– “बरं. आता मला सांग; लग्नाआधी ओळखत होतात ना एकमेकांना? का अंतरपाट बाजूला झाल्यावरच कळलं, कोण अन् काय नशिबी आलंय ते? आज्जीप्रमाणे?”
– “म्हणजे काय मम्मा? असं काय विचारतेस? अॉफ कोर्स…”

लेकीचे डोळे विस्फारलेले.
आईचे मृदू पण तेजस्वी.

– “का केलंत गं लग्न?”
– “म्हणजे काय? आवडलो एकमेकांना, म्हणून…”
– “हो ना? मग आता एकमेकांना बदलत बसण्याचा प्रश्न येतोच कुठे?”

लेक आईकडे बघतच राहीली.

– “पण, मम्मा… आहे ते चांगलं आहेच; पण आणखी चांगलं व्हावं म्हणूनच सांगतो ना आम्ही, एकमेकांना…?”
नकळत, आपण ज्याच्यावर चिडलो होतो त्या नवऱ्याचंही आपण आता रक्षण करतोय, हे उमजलं नाही तिला. आई हसली.

– “बेटा, जीर्णोद्धार देवळांचा करतात गं; माणसांचा नव्हे! प्रेमापोटी माणसात देव बघतो आपण. प्रेमापुढे काळजी येते. काळजीपोटी त्या माणसाच्या व्यक्तिमत्वाकडे देवाच्या देवळाकडे पाहावं तसे पाहतो आपण. अन् मग कधी अतिकाळजी होते; आणि देऊळ ऊगाच जीर्ण वगैरे वाटू लागतं. त्या व्यक्तीच्या वैयक्तिक आणि सामाजिक अस्तित्वाला सांभाळायची ठेकेदारी आपल्यालाच दिल्ये, असं समजून जीर्णोद्धारासाठी गवंडीकाम सुरू होतं आपलं. मग त्याचे कपडे नि दाढ्या; तिचे केस नि साड्या निवडणं सुरू होतं. समोरच्याने ‘हो’ म्हणावं म्हणून इतरांशी तुलना सुरू होते. “तुला काय कळतंय?” हे चिडून ऐकवलं जातं. त्याच्या व्यक्तित्वाची इमारत नव्याने बांधायला घेतो आपण. शब्दाने. घात तिथे होतो. भाव काळजीचा असला तरी शब्द जिव्हारी लागतात. देवळातल्या देवाला हा आगाऊपणा आवडत नाही. का आवडेल? त्याची स्वत:ची पर्सनल स्पेस असतेच ना? बेटा, तुम्हाला दोघांनाही एक समजून घ्यायचंय. आपण गवंडी नाही. आपण रिलेशनशिपमध्ये आहोत याचा अर्थ दुसऱ्याची पर्सनल स्पेस आपल्याला आंदण दिलीये असा होत नाही. दुसऱ्याच्या व्यक्तिमत्वात आपल्या इच्छेनुसार आपण परस्पर बदल करत सुटलं पाहीजे, आणि दुसऱ्याने रेझिस्ट केलं तर त्यावरून त्याला judge केलं पाहीजे – हे कशासाठी? त्यानेच सहजीवन नकोसं होतं. समोरची व्यक्ती जशी आहे तशीच आपल्याला आवडली होती, हे लक्षात ठेवावं आणि तिला तसं राहू द्यावं. त्यालाही मी हेच सांगेन. हां – आपली व्यक्ती खरोखर विघातक काहीतरी करू लागली; नशेत बुडू लागली अन् पैशाचे अपहार करू लागली; स्वत:ला आणि आपल्या पार्टनरला शारीरिक किंवा भावनिक त्रास होईल असं वागू लागली, तर अर्थातच हस्तक्षेप करावा. पण सगळं व्यवस्थित असेल तर एरवी व्यक्ती जशी आहे तशी accept करणं, हेच उपयोगाचं. रिलेशनशिप हा एक स्वीकार असतो. त्यात आकार देण्यापेक्षा वेगळेपणातली एकता साकार करणं जमवायचं असतं. भक्ती देवळाशी नाही, देवाशी असते. देवळाच्या चौथऱ्यात बागडू नये; तल्लीनता गाभाऱ्याशी ठेवावी.”

चेहऱ्यावरचा राग समंजस हसण्यात कधी विसर्जित झाला, ते लेकीला कळलंही नाही.

– समुपदेशक अपूर्व विकास
(निगडी पुणे)
© अपूर्व विकास
8928183848
7774917184 (WhatsApp)

#मराठी #रिलेशनशिप #नाते #सहजीवन #जोडपं #वधू #वर #लग्न #विवाह #प्रेम #relationship #love #married #marriage #couple #understanding #personal_space #maturity #differences #perception #husband #wife #girlfriend #boyfriend #attitude #domination #breakup #divorce #acceptance

© Apoorv Vikas

#decision_making

To decide, is to select, first.
To select, is to avail data, first.
To avail data, is to explore, first.
To explore, is to know situation, first.
To know, is to know yourself first.
That’s where self awareness comes into play.

Sure; situations matter.
Sure; some of them are difficult.
Sure; some times are difficult.
But difficulty is relative.
It’s a reflection of our abilities.
Our abilities make situations easy or difficult.

We have two options.
One. “Your Way”. We can choose to decide to walk on paths that suit our current strengths.
This path has limited scope; for we have limited abilities; but we get immediate implementation.
Two. “The Highway”. We can choose to take a step back; fill up the arsenal of all skills required; and embark on a journey where we get to express full potential of what we are.
This path has a wide scope; in relevance with wide capacities; but one needs patience and focus to reach that level first.

To decide, is actually to choose from these paths. It’s to choose which of our strengths we wish to use; and which of our weaknesses we want to save ourselves from. And whether we want to leave it at that; or take it further to the realm of “adding skills”.

Abilities aren’t gained from external sources.
Abilities are unlocked within.
By introspection.
And analysis of strengths and weaknesses.
And staying true to the fact that we lack something.
And staying committed to finding out what it is.
And staying rooted to the idea of active addition of skills, to fill up that vacuum.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)

© Apoorv Vikas

(Please note that this post is not about patients of clinical disorders. This post is for helping persons who face non-clinical psychological challenges in their lives.)

#success #growth #result #goal #objective #focus #dedication #commitment #betterment #improvement #inspiration #motivation #vision #capacity #ability #strength #skill #power #awareness #self #self_help #usability #leadership #decision #explore #know #data #analysis #introspection

© Apoorv Vikas

Imagine that.
Seriously.
You’re in bed with your partner.
You’re a totally healthy person.
No disease, no handicap.
And you’re like, yawning and all, muttering “I don’t know… Maybe…”, twisting your hair around your finger.
And a dozen people are standing all around the bed, cheering for you, boosting your morale, screaming at you “Come on, you can do it”, “You’re the man” or “You’re the woman”, with hand painted banners saying your name with “our hero” or “our heroine”.

It’s just… too much. Right?
And basically so unnecessary. Yes?
You don’t want any goddamn motivation here. You don’t need it.
You know why?
Of course you do.
It’s sex, silly.
And you’re “inspired”, which is a much greater and more potent drive than “motivation”.
No need for “motivation” when you have “inspiration”.
The hunger, the thirst, comes from within.
You want it. You totally want it.
It’s simple as that.

And therein lies the reason for your other problem.
The problem about your “life goals”.
Those things you say you want.
And yet –
Those things you say you’ll get when you’re “properly motivated”.
Why?
Why do you need others to motivate you?
No – why do you need “motivation” in the first place?
Is it social work? Is it self-less humanitarian work? Something for which you’d probably want someone else to sing songs about humanity, to get you going?
Both you and I know it’s not that. You’re asking for Lamborghinis and Ferraris and 8BHK bungalows and crazy good physic and world tours and powerful positions and an awesome partner.
Nothing bad with that. Hey, you deserve those niceties of life.
And that’s the thing.
If you know you want it all and you think you deserve it all, why look at others to cheer for you?

Who are you kidding?
You call those things “life goals”;
but it’s all just a “day dream” for you, isn’t it?
The daydreaming is something you use as an escape from reality: a pit of self-negating comfort zone of inaction you’ve grown fond of, and you hate yourself for it.

It’s time to sit down, pal.
Sit down and think hard and think true:
about “What do I REALLY want?”
If you find yourself comfortable with those love handles on your waist and shortage of balance in your account and dating your laptop screen, SHUT UP once and for all about it all and accept, “This is what I have chosen”.
But if that’s hideous and you know it and you want better things; because you, damn it, deserve it, then –
THROW everything else in the trash;
And start WANTING those things like crazy;
As crazy and as strong and as inexcusable as sex;
And START TAKING ACTION. NOW.
No more kidding. No more sighs and sad smiles. Slap yourself if you find yourself doing that.
It’s the hunger that gets us to food.
GET HUNGRY. To that effect, STARVE yourself of any other alternatives and REALLY get hungry.
Learn from dogs. The creatures always get to the bone they want, because they really WANT it. Hunger shows the way.
Get the want. Get the desire.
Start now.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

8928183848

7774917184 (WhatsApp)

#success #growth #result #win #life_goals #goal #objective #achievement #inspiration #motivation #aspiration #self_help #improvement #betterment #empowerment #learn #adaptation #evolution #development #progress #support #leadership #mind_power #be_hungry #desire #want #dedication #effort #positive #action

© Apoorv Vikas

It started out sweet.
When our eyes had a meet.
Time slowed down, tidy and neat.
Smiles formed a spark; and we were a hit.

Meetings followed.
Dates, haloed.
Laughter echoed.
Gazes, mellowed.

We wanted it.
For it was sweet.
Love made a seat.
Hearts throbbed; as one beat.

We became one.
We had us; needed none.
We were each other’s sun.
Being us was great fun.

We had assurance.
We developed tolerance.
Which became lenience.
Excuses defeated our vigilance.

One of us started sprawling.
The other began shrinking.
One of us overstepped.
The other began fading.

Promises turned meaningless.
Dinner dates, left alone, speechless.
One of us overused the word “sorry”;
The other nodded alright; a bit listless.

Work and parties, long and careless.
The significant other? “Try to understand.”
Nothing to understand; it’s all a mess.
Begged a question, “Where do we stand?”

One of us said, “We need to talk it out”.
Shock came, with, “You can walk out.”
Dialogue became hollow.
Sunken, hurtful, and shallow.

“I’m there for you”, one of us remembers.
The memory was sweet; now it’s cinders.
Ain’t expecting more gifts n’ flowers.
It’s just that, loving a vacuum, hurts.

One of us is a sack of flour, with a hole.
Winds are here, taking away the soul.
An emptiness will remain, o love.
Was fading away, our only goal?

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

8928183848

7774917184 (WhatsApp)

#love #relationship #boyfriend #girlfriend #husband #wife #couple #married #marriage #life #breakup #divorce #separated #lost #faded #romance #sex #dating #love_problem #care #understanding #maturity #loneliness #taken_for_granted #abuse #away #be_there_for_you #counseling #couple_goals #soulmate

© Apoorv Vikas

There’s a reason being a toddler is sweet.
Among other sweet things,
it’s that we DON’T KNOW how to walk.
There’s no path we’ve covered yet.
Which means,
there’s no learned walk that has locked our mind, blocked our senses, halted our ability to think different and explore more.

Then they teach us to walk,
on straight footpaths and aisles and staircases, put one foot in front of the other, stop jumping, helping as well as limiting our versatility at attempting multiple styles of movement.
That’s why, in later life, when we watch videos of those Parkour kids defying gravity with their skills at physical displacement, using railings and walls and ledges in fashions they were never meant to be used, we keep looking at them with longing in our gazes, thinking “when and why did I stop hopping and jumping and doing weird things?”
Because we know.
The limit we agreed to, was just physical.
But the handicap we agreed to, was mental. Intellectual. Even emotional.

We can choose.
Now.
It’s our life.
We get to live it only once.
Let’s make our choices.
Are we young?
Haven’t made any choices yet?
It’s a good news.
It means, we are limitless.
It means, we have full opportunity to learn. We can learn one walk for one path.
Or multiple walks for one path.
Or multiple walks for multiple paths; why place boundaries?
Our success isn’t confirmed; not yet.
But it will be,
when we walk the walks we have learned;
consistently, without pause, without fail.

And if we’ve already walked some paths,
it’s OK.
We can choose again.
Now.
We can choose to let go of what’s not working for us.
We can choose to rebel against boundaries and limits set by current choices.
We can choose to stop our choices of our past hurting our present.
We can choose to stop beating our past-selves for being unable to see the future and make correct judgment.
We can choose to stop abusing ourselves for not being all-knowing gods.
We can choose to overthrow authoritarian demands of elders and culture and religion and tradition that limited us to narrow paths with short lengths.
We can choose different paths.
We can choose different walks.
We can choose to learn new.
We can choose to be new.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#goal #success #result #growth #path #objective #progress #win #leader #self_help #improvement #betterment #advancement #empowerment #positive #creative #thought #think #think_different #new #out_of_the_box #walk #individual #individualism #rebel #legend #choice #option #career #business

© Apoorv Vikas

I was there for you. You weren’t.
I cared. You didn’t.

You were hurt. It cut me.
You were anguished. It cut me.
You were angry. It hurt me.
I wanted to help.
Thought words would help.
Words unlock thoughts.
Thought that would help.
I wanted to work with you.
Thought we could.
Turns out I was wrong.
For your anger was strong.

Circumstances were fire for you.
Thought I could be water, the cool.
But anger had turned you to fire.
What did I know, the fool…

I was at peace with you refusing me love.
What cut me was you refusing my love.
I wanted peace.
You wanted screams.
I wanted to reach out to you.
You wanted to lash out at me.
I thought a solution could be found out.
You stabbed at my try and shut me out.

Don’t get me wrong;
I know mistake was mine.
I should’ve waited your anger out.
Turns out my love was a child of nine.
I say I was only helping you.
Guess I was only helping what I feel for you.
Perhaps my timing was wrong;
Perhaps my rush to help was too strong.
Maybe I was one for blame;
Maybe it was nobody’s fault; evil played a game.

We have walked a long path, you and me.
The world was evil; but we were we.
The world brought us tears;
The world used our fears;
But when one was hungry, other was cook;
Our love always was stuff for a book.

I’ll go away if you want me to.
I hope you never know you made me to.
It’ll be pain for me; don’t want you to see it.
It’s my pain; and you are too sweet.
I hope life avails tools of joys for you.
I hope you know I’ll always be there for you.
Be angry if you must; a useful tool, it could be.
But dear, if not with you, I know not, where to be.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#love #emotion #feeling #positive #thought #thinking #relationship #anger #hurt #pain #help #reach_out #be_there_for_you #mom #dad #boyfriend #girlfriend #couple #anguish #depression #outburst #you_and_i #person #mind #care #shut_me_out #rejection #heartbreak #breakup #loss

©अपूर्व विकास

१. कोडगाच झालाय देव आता…

त्याने “देव असतोच” म्हणून ठासून सांगणारे पाहीलेत. त्याने “देव नसतोच” म्हणून भांडणारेही पाहीलेत. दोघांना खरी पडलेली असते स्वत:च्या अस्तित्वासाठी कचकचण्याची. आस्तिक अन् नास्तिक ही झुंडींची नावं असतात. स्वतंत्रपणे जगू न शकण्याच्या वैगुण्यात झुंडीतला एक होऊन जगण्याची निकड जन्मते. झुंड ओळख देत असते. भांडणं देवाच्या नावाने असली तरी खरी कचकच स्वत:ची ओळख सांगण्याची असते. भांडायची हौस ओळखीच्या गरजेतून फुकट देवाला वेठीस धरते. आस्तिक-नास्तिकत्वाची दावेदारी ही सोंगं असतात. सत्य भलतंच तिसरंच असतं; त्यासाठी सतत संशोधनाची निकड असते; तिथे बौद्धिक आळस आडवा येतो. अन् मग ते सत्य सवयीच्या दोन वादातल्या एकातच शोधून झालं पाहीजे, या माणशी वेडपटपणाने देव मार खाऊन कोडगा होतो.

२. “मला काय हवंय” हे दहातले आठ जण सांगतात. उरलेल्या दोघांतला एक “मला हवं ते दिलंस तर तुला काय देईन” ते सांगायला येतो; आणि दुसरा आईने रोज जायला सांगितलंय म्हणून देवळात जातो. “तू कसा आहेस?” हे एकही देवाला विचारत नाही. तसं विचारायची देवाला गरज नाही हे ते परस्पर ठरवतात. अनेकजण नारळ नि फुलं नि तेलं घेऊन येतात. वाहायला म्हणून. आपणच बनवलेल्या गोष्टी आपल्यालाच भेट म्हणून देणाऱ्यांकडे देव एकटक पाहत राहतो.

३. देवावर श्रद्धा असते. देवस्थानाची सत्ता असते. श्रद्धा आणि सत्ता : – शहाणपण दोघींपुढे चालत नसतं.

४. गाभाऱ्यातल्या देवाला कुलूप घालून पुजारी गृहस्थाश्रमात अंतर्धान पावतो. मुर्तीत देव आहे असं कितीही मनाला सांगितलं, तरी तो देव मुर्तीला घातलेले दागिने चोरांपासून वाचवताना कधी दिसत नसतो; कुलपाची खबरदारी श्रद्धेपुढच्या व्यवहाराची असते. सोन्याचे बाजारातले भाव मोजता येतात; श्रद्धा मोजता येत नाही. आयुष्यातल्या शहाणपणाची मोजदाद ही मोजता येणाऱ्या गोष्टींनी करतात; न मोजता येणाऱ्या गोष्टींनी नाही. त्या हिशेबात आपलं शहाणपण थिटं पडू नये, म्हणून देवाला कुलूप घालावंच लागतं.

५. मुर्तीतलं देवत्व सोनं मागत नसतं. कुलपाची खबरदारी देवासाठी नसते, मुर्तीसाठी असते. दागिने चोरीला गेल्याचं देवाला सोयरसुतक नसतं; चोरीची योजना चोरांच्या मनात दैवच घालत असतं. देव मुर्तीत असतो ही माणसाची कल्पना असते; मुर्ती सालंकृत दिसली पाहीजे ही भक्ताची गरज असते; कुलपाची खबरदारी माणसाच्या गरजांना अमरत्व देण्यासाठी असते.

६. असण्या-नसण्यापलीकडला देव माणसात असतो. मनाच्या गाभाऱ्यात, बुद्धीच्या कोंदणात, विचारांच्या प्रकाशाखाली, भावनांच्या बैठकीवर. डोळ्यात पाहीलं तर देव-दानवाची विश्वारंभापासूनची पकडापकडीची खेळी दिसते. पण हल्ली डोळ्यावर गॉगल असतो. मनाचे गाभारे नाद लावून घेतलेल्या कॉर्पोरेटधार्जिण्या भीत्यांनी भरलेले असतात. बुद्धीच्या कोंदणावर हावरटपणाचे शिंतोडे उडालेले असतात. विचारांच्या दिव्याखाली गर्दीमागे चालणाऱ्या दिवाभिताचा काळोख असतो. भावनांना जात – धर्म – पंथांच्या कुजकट अस्मितांची जळमटं असतात.

देवाने राहावं कसं नि कुठे ?

भावना धरून ठेवून त्यांना कोरडंठाक करण्यापेक्षा स्वत:चे विचार ओले, वाहते ठेवले तर एकमेकातल्या देवत्वाला जगवता येईलही. प्रयत्न मात्र सततचे हवेत.

– समुपदेशक अपूर्व विकास
(निगडी, पुणे)
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv
8928183848
7774917184 (WhatsApp)

#marathi #article #faith #religion #love #human #humanity #people #social #mind #psychology #understanding #thought #expression #feeling #care #social #society #god #ism #atheism #modern #counseling #follow #leader #identity #group #ritual #temple #atheism #tradition #मराठी #ब्लॉग #लेख #श्रद्धा #धर्म #धार्मिक #परंपरा #रिवाज #देऊळ #अंधश्रद्धा #देव #दैव #ओळख #समूह #आस्तिक #नास्तिक #रीत #पूजा #कर्मकांड

© अपूर्व विकास

ते मिळवत नाहीत.
ते घडवतात.

मिळण्यासाठी, दुसऱ्याने द्यावं लागतं.
घडवतं आपलं आपल्याला येतं;
हे ते विसरत नसतात.
… स्वावलंबन ।।१।।

ते विचारत नाहीत.
ते शोधतात.

उत्तरं दुसरे सांगतील तशी स्वीकारावी लागतात.
शोध मुळापर्यंत नेऊन ठेवतात;
हे ते विसरत नसतात.
… संशोधन ।।२।।

ते मागत नाहीत.
ते निर्मितात.

मागितलंय त्यासाठी थांबावं लागतं.
सृजन आत्ता इथे आरंभता येतं;
हे ते विसरत नसतात.
… सृजनात्मकता ।।३।।

ते पाहत नाहीत.
ते निरीक्षण करतात.

दाखवलेलं दुसऱ्यांच्या सोयीचं असतं.
जे लपवलंय तेच महत्वाचं असतं;
हे ते विसरत नसतात.
… निरीक्षण ।।४।।

ते गर्दीतले एक नसतात.
ते स्वतंत्र राहतात.

कळप माकडांचा असतो.
सिंह एकटाच असतो;
हे ते विसरत नसतात.
… स्वतंत्र बाणा ।।५।।

ते “एका”ची वाट पाहत नसतात.
ते “शून्या”तून वाट काढतात.

सृजन “एक”पासून नसतं.
सृजन “शून्या”पासून असतं;
हे ते विसरत नसतात.
… विजीगिषु वृत्ती ।।६।।

त्यांचा वाद नसतो.
त्यांचा संवाद असतो.

वादात “सत्य ठरवणं” असतं.
संवादात “सत्य शोधणं” असतं;
हे ते विसरत नसतात.
… संभाषण कौशल्य ।।७।।

ते बहिर्मुख असतात.
ते अंतर्मुखही असतात.

माहितीचा संचय ज्यावेळी,
माहितीचा अभ्यासही त्याचवेळी;
हे ते विसरत नसतात.
… सजगता ।।८।।

ते स्थितीशील नसतात.
ते गतीशील असतात.

डबकं सडत जातं.
प्रगती प्रवाहाची असते;
हे ते विसरत नसतात.
… चैतन्य ।।९।।

ते थांबत नसतात.
ते लढत राहतात.

थांबण्याची आमीषं खूप असतात.
सातत्याच्या स्वत्वतृप्तीच्या नशा त्याहीपेक्षा अधिक असतात;
हे ते विसरत नसतात.
… सातत्यपूर्ण ईर्ष्या ।।१०।।

ते एकात अनेक असतात.
ते अनेकांत एक असतात.

बदलत नसलेलं भक्ष्य होतं.
सतत बदल हेच जिवंतपणाचं लक्ष्य असतं;
हे ते विसरत नसतात.
… अनुकूलन क्षमता ।।११।।

ते पुढे चालतात.
चार पावलांवर मागेही वळून पाहतात.

लक्ष्य सरळ रेषेत असतं.
रेषा सरळ आहे का, ते सिंहावलोकनानेच कळतं;
हे ते विसरत नसतात.
… सावधानता ।।१२।।

– समुपदेशक अपूर्व विकास
(निगडी, पुणे)
© अपूर्व विकास

8928183848

7774917184 (WhatsApp)

#marathi #article #psychology #success #ambition #growth #win #fight #creativity #result #focus #goal #objective #progress #development #evolution #improvement #betterment #career #business #achievement #positive #change #मराठी #लेख #उद्दिष्ट #ध्येय #यश #सृजन #महत्वाकांक्षा

© Apoorv Vikas

You aren’t ready for the summit.
You aren’t ready for the table-land halfway there.
You aren’t ready for the first resting spot scheduled two hours into the hike.
You don’t have to be.
That’s all in future.
You are here. Now. At the base point.
With your feet planted firmly on the present ground and in the present moment.
All you have to be ready for, is the next immediate step.
A foot, leaving its current position and moving forward, just a couple of feet.
That’s all you have to do, for now.
That’s brilliant. That’s beautiful.
That’s positive. That’s constructive.
That’s success, for now.
For the present moment.
Next moment, you’ll be at a new location;
which will be your present moment for then;
and again, all you have to do then, will be the same as what you just did.
A foot, moving just a couple of feet forward.
Brilliant. Beautiful. Positive. Constructive.
Each new present moment, you just repeat that one little step.
It’s how you reach ahead and get to the summit.
There’s no future. There’s no past.
All you have, is the present.
It’s always there, with you.
And it’s all you need to be concerned about.
That one little step forward.
Do it slow and steady and consistently;
glide continuously with the present;
and let it take you to your success.
Success isn’t in future.
It’s in that one little step for the present.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#success #growth #result #progress #development #advancement #achievement #win #forward #positive #Here_and_Now #present #moment #focus #goal #objective #commitment #inspiration #motivation #dedication #fight #fighter #career #dream #aspiration #summit #business #awareness #think #power

© Apoorv Vikas

There are those who make you angry.
There are those who make you smile.
There are those who irritate you.
There are those who make you self-conscious.
There are those you respect.
There are those you worship.
There are those you imagine beating to death.

Specific people.
Eliciting specific responses out of you.
Thought processes. Mental composure.
Attitude. Speech. Tone. Body-language.

Your project-guide in college always makes you shift straight to “helpless kitten” mode.
Your immediate superior at workplace always shifts you to “obedient servant” mode.
That one guy in your spouse’s family, with his ever-judgmental gaze and tone, gets you in “offense is the best defense” zone.
One of the new interns in the project team you lead makes you shift to “patronizing elder” mode.
Whatever your mom says, sends you first in “rebellious teenager” mode.

Stimuli lead to responses, reflecting “a” personality. People act as stimuli; your responses vary; so does your personality.
You feel that change. Acutely.
You are a whole different person, for different people.
With strong variation in mental peace and stability of personality.
Is it helpful?

Have you explored, why it happens?
Is it about “first impressions” from those people leading to “fixed and lasting impressions” in your mind?
Does the same happen to them, in reverse, about you?
Is it a patterned to-and-fro communication of neurochemical signals between our brains? Same all the time?
Do we unconsciously believe the other person is going to remain same forever; and change ourselves accordingly, the moment we get in contact with them, giving each other the exact stimulus required for that exact response?
Do we see each other as fixed objects that do not change as per time and space?
Did we start it back in the childhood, when it was the only natural outcome for the limits of our attribution capacities?
Is it something we should reassess, now that we actually can?
Would that be more helpful?

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#attribution #social #relations #relationship #personality #personality_type #traits #psychology #sociology #self_help #TA #understanding #speech #communication #think #thought #feeling #emotion #sentiment #pattern #mind #people #reaction #response #Adult_Ego_State #confidence #peace #domination #submissive #empowerment

“Teacher…”
“Yes, son?”
“I try to THINK positive.”
“But you don’t FEEL positive, am I right?”
“Yes. Is it useless to think positive?”
“Your brother had a son last year, I heard.”
“Yes, teacher.”
“How’s he?”
“He’s great. Brings us all great joys.”
“Has he started walking now?”
“He tries. His mother and father help.”
“How do they help?”
“He stands up, supporting himself with a wall. My brother or sister-in-law wait near the opposite wall; calling him to come to them.”
“Very well. And?”
“The child answers the call by trying little steps toward them.”
“The child trips sometimes?”
“Quite a few times. Gets frustrated. Begins crying.”
“And what do his parents do when he falls down and cries?”
“They encourage him with words.”
“But they don’t leave their station to aid him?”
“Not unless it’s too serious a fall. They believe they need to maintain station; or else he shall never learn. They say he has to see them as his goal; and keep trying.”
“Exactly.”
“What’s all that to do with me?”
“It’s a useful learn for you.”
“How so?”
“First, as the child stands up, the parents create a distance between themselves and their son. They know that telling the child to “think positive” about the walk isn’t enough; they also have to make “action” a necessity.”
“I see it now.”
“Secondly, when the child falls down, the parents still don’t leave their station; they want to keep the need for attempt alive on their son’s part.”
“Necessitating continued “action”.”
“Yes. It’s an apt representation of your problem as well as its solution. The joys of parents’ sweet embrace represent your goal; their sweet words reflect your positive thoughts for that goal. You trip and you fail; you feel negative, same as the child. It’s exactly what you need to feel. It’s a motivation for you to RE-ENGAGE into the try; because you aren’t where you want to be yet. When you look at your goal when you’re down on the ground, as the child looks at his parents, you use the sweet appeal of possible success as a catalyst for your reinvestment in the try; and you CONTINUE the try. That’s where “try” turns to “positive action”, and when you realise that repeated attempts have strengthened you, and you see your falls have dropped in their frequency, you truly embrace positivity and assure success. It’s just that your parents aren’t going to create this necessity of action for you now; you’re a grown up. You’ll have to create it on your own.”
“Beautiful, teacher.”
“Positive thinking is never just a mental task. It’s very much physical. It’s active. It’s about acting positively to feel positive. Get back into it. Now.”

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#success #goal #growth #ambition #dream #aspiration #inspiration #motivation #positive #thinking #feeling #objective #effort #never_give_up #resilience #fight #action #do #warrior #focus #dedication #commitment #result #try #failure #push_your_limits #strength #development #progress #win

© Apoorv Vikas

I’ll be there for you.
Not because you need me to.
But simply because I want to.

You were there for me,
when I couldn’t be there for myself;
when I was too small and too fragile;
when I was innocent and naive;
when I was happy in the wonderful little world you strived to provide for me.

You were there for me,
when I was small man in big shoes;
when I thought I ruled everything but still needed you to place the food on the table;
when I thought I knew everything and hated you for showing me how wrong I was;
when I thought staying away late was thrilling but never actually stayed an entire night out, facing cold of the dark.

You were there for me,
when I failed to keep promises I couldn’t even keep to myself;
when I miscalculated, misjudged, walked correctly on an incorrect path;
when I denied myself plans you made for me and failed myself on plans I had assured would succeed;
when nobody was there;
when I was lost; forgotten; tossed aside;
when life and mind were torn;
you were there.
You said, “It’s OK. I’m still here.”
You were a sheer solid embodiment of positivity that gifted me greatest of gifts, the gift of ability to be there for myself.
You showed me how to redeem myself.

You came to me in multiple personas.
In multiple people and personalities.
You were a parent. Or a friend.
Or a partner. Or a teacher. Or a guide.

Yes. I’ll always be there for you.
Not because it’s my duty.
Ours was never a relation based on dry laws and rules.
I’ll be there, simply because I want to.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
©Apoorv Vikas

#positive #love #relationship #support #care #self_help #help #feelings #counseling #coaching #empowerment #friend #parent #mom #dad #partner #girlfriend #boyfriend #married #be_there_for_you #strength #sad #trust #people #adult #maturity #teenage #youth #son #daughter

© Apoorv Vikas

They say a cuckoo leaves her eggs in crow’s nest, right there with the crow’s own, and ends the topic.
The crows end up raising her children, thinking they are theirs.
Some ask, how come the cuckoo is so cunning?
The real question is, why the crows are so foolish?
The simple truth of nature is, one “reason” justifies another.
The cuckoo is cunning BECAUSE the crows are fools.
You see;
the cuckoo desires to be free of burdens so that life can be enjoyed.
It’s an acute, strong will.
It’s potent and powerful.
It necessitates a specific evolution of its senses to spot places and ways where those burdens can be shedded.
It would’ve faded away if such places and ways were unavailable.
Turns out they are perfectly available.
Crows are usually smart; but when it comes to child rearing, they get a bit too emotional. Which blinds them to certain obvious truths.
That availability makes things possible.
It paves paths over which the cunning and the wicked can walk.

Check your mindset.
Check your emotional setups.
Be warned.
The cunning hunt for emotional weaknesses.
Your ideas of love could be dependency;
which can be exploited with dimpled chins telling you “I’m there for you” when you need to hear it.
Your ideas of joy could be indulgence;
which can be exploited with maddening appeals in gazes telling you “let’s have some fun”; with hands opening bottles over glasses, pouring liquids to hide unknown powders in those glasses.
Your ideas of ambition could be greed;
which can be exploited with charming hands on your shoulders letting you feel the weight of expensive wrist watches, to convey “this could be yours, you know”.
Your ideas of care could be a compulsive sense of parenthood toward a person, which can be exploited with the right amount of “innocent” smiles and childish charms.

Refrain from availing gymnasiums for the wicked to strengthen their skills at deception.
Be alert. Be aware.
Nature pardons no fool.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#survival #abuse #exploitation #deception #trust #betrayal #wicked #cunning #fool #manipulation #evil #human_nature #control #life #knowing #awareness #alert #caution #care #dependency #emotion #think #feel #understanding #sense #dupe #fraud #false #attitude #behavior

© Apoorv Vikas

There were three of them in the room.

One was insecure.
Since childhood, probably.
Kept looking at the other two.
With a small, pleading smile on face.
With a need to get approved and accepted.
With a will to do anything as payment.
Drooped shoulders.
Hands humble in lap.
Spine bent.
An entire history of dependency and learned handicap and needy affirmation to others’ will and control, carved in the curve of that bent back.
An embodiment of submissive stature.

Next, there was one sitting at the far corner.
Alone.
Decidedly separated; isolated; aloof.
Decidedly not looking at the other two.
Decidedly making a point of pretending the other two didn’t exist.
Eyes far away. But darting and alert.
A bit of paranoia in the giant bubble that surrounded that persona; a silent but obvious warning: “stay away”.
Shoulders hunched. Back straight.
Feet closed.
Ready to pounce at a moment’s notice.
An entire history of rejections and humiliations and bitter failures at relationships and unappreciated successes and betrayal and well-developed hatred for mostly all of human race and a well-cultivated belief of superiority as a defense mechanism to survive the pain of having to live with “inferior” creatures.

And then there was that one soul.
The one who knew why he was there in that room.
The one who knew what he wanted; where to go; what to do; how to do it.
The one who knew people were necessities in one sense and desire in another sense.
The one who knew which was what, and when.
The one who was comfortable with the idea of being alone and on his own; but also without any need to stay in the self obsessively and reject others compulsively.
The one who accepted and appreciated that (a) everybody isn’t same; we haven’t seen ’em all; (b) same people aren’t the same every time and every place; (c) it’s OK to desire appreciation from others; but (d) it’s not exactly a need of survival and world doesn’t end if you don’t get it; and finally (e) true strength is when we learn to be strong alone; and maintain that individualistic strength even among company.
He was comfortable.
He was secure.
He was OK.
Enough OK, on his own; that he could actually enjoy a little company without getting rooted to that idea obsessively.

He knew what self-empowerment meant.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

8928183848

7774917184 (WhatsApp)

#personal #space #empowerment #success #growth #insecurity #anxiety #social_anxiety #depression #independence #dependency #learned_handicap #needy #submissive #hate #rejection #appreciation #strokes #positive #peer_pressure #individualism #life #strength #confidence #thinking #emotion #feeling #people #relationship #relief

© Apoorv Vikas

You aren’t ready for tomorrow.
Nobody is.
Nobody needs to.
You just need to be ready for today.
You are at zero, now.
It’s alright.
It’s “possibility”, awaiting actualization.
By evening, get a “one”, in your score sheet.
That’s success, for today. Good.
Remember what you did to reach there.
Come back tomorrow.
Repeat. But take it “one” point ahead.
Make it “two”, tomorrow.
And “three”, the day after tomorrow.
That’s called “pushing your limits”.
That’s how you step out of your boundaries; your comfort zone; and conquer the unknown.
And let it be a slow but steady process.
It doesn’t have to be leaps and bounds.
Eligibility is a journey.
Potential asks to be added everyday.
It’s the gradual lead that builds us for future.
As it should.
One needs to be there to consciously witness every moment of the process of self-development.
One needs to pay full attention to that glorious moment when you overcome yesterday’s limit.
That conscious undertaking needs to be felt, sensed, experienced.
We should feel it, “I own this moment; it’s mine.”
It’s how we install the habit of building our success each day.
It’s how we make it a part of what we are.
Humble beginnings leading to a steady and sincere walk on a useful path, leads us to results.
Get there, now.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
©Apoorv Vikas

#success #result #potential #development #progress #eligibility #effort #Push_Limits #Comfort_Zone #boundaries #process #Self_Help #awareness #sincerity #commitment #inspiration #motivation #dedication #path #fight #struggle #gains #legend #calibre #positive #achievement

©अपूर्व विकास

To be in agreement with negativity or not to be… That is the only question.

सोयीच्या नकारात्मकतेत क्षणो क्षणी जळावं, की हा अहंगडाचा मुडदा लाथाडून सकारात्मकतेत एकदाचा आत्मा झोकून द्यावा हा एकच सवाल आहे…

या कलियुगाच्या उकिरड्यावर खरकट्या प्रतिष्ठेचा तुकडा होऊन जगावं, बेशरम लाचार आत्मप्रौढीनं… की फेकून द्यावं या मीपणाचं लक्तर त्यात गुंडाळलेल्या असुरक्षिततेच्या वेदनेसह सत्याच्या लखलखीत उजेडामध्ये… आणि करावा सर्व दुःखांचा शेवट, माझ्या, तुझ्या, याच्या आणि त्याच्यासुद्धा…

सत्वाच्या महाप्रकाशाने अहंगडाला असा डंख मारावा, की नंतर येणा-या आत्मजागृतीला नसावीत मीपणाची कौतुकं कधीही…

पण त्या जागृतीलाही पुन्हा सुंदर सत्याचं भान सुटून भौतिक प्रतिष्ठेची स्वप्न पडू लागली तर… ?

तर… ! इथंच मेख आहे… !

नव्या मानसाच्या उत्क्रांतीतून आयुष्याचे नवे धागे विणण्याचा धीर होत नाही… म्हणून आम्ही सहन करतो ह्या जुन्या मीपणाच्या मुडद्याचं थोराड भासणारं रितेपण… सहन करतो षड् रिपूंनी बरबटलेल्या नादान दुनियेकडून आमच्या आत्मसन्मानावर होणारे बलात्कार… अस्तित्वाच्या निरागस गाभा-यात असलेल्या सत्य सत्वाची विटंबना… आणि अखेर रक्तबंबाळ झालेल्या आत्मभानाचं प्रेत घेऊन उभे राहतो खालच्या मानेनं याच मुर्दाड दुनियेत जागा मिळवलेल्या मानवतेच्या मसनवटीशी…!!

हाह्… !
विधात्या…! अस्तित्वाच्या हे सत्या… तुझ्यापुढे आमच्या या आत्मसन्मानाची गांडुळं कशी रे झाली… ?
एका बाजूला सानपणी आजूबाजूच्या अकलेचा कचरा झालेल्या या विक्षिप्त दुनियेशी पूर्णत: अनभिज्ञ असे आम्ही निरागसतेच्या हौदात बागडत होतो, तेव्हाच्या शरीरं वाढली म्हणून “मोठं” म्हणवणा-यांनी आम्हाला हातात पट्ट्या घेऊन दहावीचा, बारावीचा आणि करिअरचा राक्षस दाखवून मोठं केलं…
आणि दुस-या बाजूला आज जिची इतकी आस लागल्ये त्या निरागसतेचा जिवंत जाळलेला देहही आमच्या नकारात्मकतेने खाचा झालेल्या दृष्टीस पडू नये…?

मग विस्कटलेल्या आणि चिंधड्या झालेल्या या मनाचे कबंध घेऊन, तरीही त्यात स्वतःचा मीपणा न सोडणा-या, आणि म्हणूनच कायम स्वतःत बदल करताना बरोब्बर वेळा चुकवणाऱ्या आमच्यासारख्यांनी, सकारात्मकतेत बुडी घेण्यासाठी, हे करूणाकरा, आधी कुणाच्या माथ्यावर तत्वज्ञानाची कु-हाड मारायची रे… कुणाच्या………?

कुणी सकारात्मकतेची कायमस्वरूपी प्रतिष्ठापना करून देता का ?
एरवी सेल्फ इंप्रूवमेंट पुस्तकं कोळून पिणाऱ्या, आणि तरीही वेळ येते तेव्हा नकारात्मकतेचे डावपेच ओळखू न शकणाऱ्या या तुफानाला कुणी कायमसाठी मीपणा खोडून द्याल का…?
द्याल का रे…?

सरकार…
आपलं आता ठरलंय ना…?
आता पुन:पुन्हा विचारांच्या गर्तेत आत्मविश्वासावर तात्विक संशय घेऊन नाकर्तेपणाचे सोहळे मिरवत स्वत:च्या क्रयशक्तीला वांझोटं करण्यापेक्षा, सरळ कर्मयोगात हा जीव लोटून द्यायचाय म्हणून?
मग आता आणखी विचार कसला?

हे सूप्त विधायक मन:शक्तींनो…!
या… या…
हा लढवय्या आवाहन करतोय…
या….!
आता मुहूर्त नकोत. आता दुसऱ्याची वाट पाहणं नको. आता दुसऱ्याने वाट देणंही नको.
आता मी स्वत: वाट काढेन.
आता मी स्वत:ची वाट स्वत: निर्मेन.

नाही, चिमणे, नाही!
तर्कटाचं सोंग पांघरलेल्या नकारात्मकते, आम्हाला आता “थांबा” म्हणू नकोस!
तू आता माझी चिमणी राहिली नाहीस!
तो अधिकार तू आता गमवलायस!
आजवर साथ दिलीस; आश्रितासारखे आम्ही तुझ्या छताखाली राहीलो. भरून पावलो.
आता नाही.
आता आम्ही आणि आमच्या आत्मसन्मानाचे हे सरकार आपला निरोप घेतो! कायमसाठी!

मी आहे योद्धा.
मी आहे सकारात्मसम्राट.
मी आहे जेता.
मी जिंकतच राहीन.
आजवर दुनियादारीत विद्याधारकापासून आज्ञाधारकापर्यंत अनेक भूमिका गाजवल्या.
आता स्वत:च्या आयुष्यात एका यशधारकाची भूमिकाही तितकीच गाजवेन.
मी जिंकेन.

– समुपदेशक अपूर्व विकास
(निगडी, पुणे)
© अपूर्व विकास
8928183848
7774917184 (WhatsApp)

#मराठी #लेख #समुपदेशन #सकारात्मक #विचार #मानसशास्त्र #marathi #pune #counseling #positive #thinking #feeling #life #progress #success #development #selfhelp #leadership #coaching #win #CounselorApoorv #negative #emotion #confidence #pain #failure #motivation #inspiration

© Apoorv Vikas

Learn, before you think.
Be aware of what to think.
Learn, before you act.
Be aware of where to act.
Learn, after you gain results.
Be aware of how to gain more.

Remember that knowledge is the candle that fuels your success.
Fuels are used. What’s used, gets depleted.
It must be restored; topped up; renewed.
Only then, we have a hope for continuation of success.

What separates legend from winner is the humility to the limit of knowledge and active desire to continue adding to the stockpiles of experience.

To learn is to get data.
To learn is to study data.
To learn is to formulate a structure out of data.
To learn is to implement that structure.
To learn is to check results.
To learn is to be open to reactions life gives to actions.
To learn is to check margin of error between expected result and actual outcome.
To learn is to act upon the need to remove that error.
To learn is to RE-ENGAGE into implementations and experiences.
To learn is to continuously adapt toward more precision and accuracy.
To learn, is to win the constant struggle between human will to gain eligibility for survival and nature’s law to eliminate the weak.
To learn, is to be.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#success #result #win #goal #lifegoal #winner #output #input #passion #knowledge #learn #positive #thought #action #implement #use #profit #survival #new #idea #understanding #focus #power #struggle #competition #life #motivation #inspiration #be #legend

© Apoorv Vikas

“What kind of partner do you want?”

They ask. And they get answers.
Which are funny. Or irritating.
Or silly. Or childish. Or too colorful.

There’s a lot troublesome with the answers.
Probably because there’s a lot troublesome with the question itself.
“KIND of partner”?
Seriously?

When we ask it that way, answer it that way, or think about it that way,
we think we’re talking about a PERSONALITY.
What we’re really focusing at, unconsciously, is a PERSONA.
Not a human; but a role.
Not a person; but a character.
Maybe something we compile in our own minds from age 6, with a mix of interesting specimens from a bunch of movies and TV series and novels and other people’s love stories and romance symbols and sex symbols and action symbols and cultural stereotypes and our own ideas of “culturally rebellious” monotypes, to name a few sources. Add to it few spices from Oedipus Complex and Electra Complex and you get a great recipe…
“My idea of girlfriend…”
“My idea of boyfriend…”

As we grow up through our teens and perhaps early twenties, we get to know about our own emotional strengths and weaknesses, in detail. So we further structure the “my partner” persona in ways complementary to our own emotional setups.
A man with dominating traits pictures a woman with complementarily submissive nature.
A woman who, as a girl, watched her mother dictating her father’s every single move, pictures a man who’d let her be the construction worker for his life.

When we start relationships, we’re supposed to select PERSONS who’d suit our PERSONALITIES.
Do we do that?
Or do we select ACTORS assuming they’ll play out the ROLES we have in our minds?
Do we see a relationship as a merge of two self-integrated personalities with a sense of respect and appreciation for the individuality and personal space within the union?
Or do we see it as a grand stage for us to get a drama going?
Do we see it as a permission to wrap another person with our ideas?
Why do we we have problems in relationships?
Among other reasons, is there this compulsion to invalidate the other person’s individual nature, pretend they’re an open canvass, and throw paints of our own ideas onto them, and start screaming when they (obviously and naturally) resist and rebel against that?

We need to check.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#relationship #love #romance #boyfriend #girlfriend #couple #husband #wife #marriage #married #life #sex #partner #drama #breakup #think #feeling #emotion #understanding #domination #personal #space #individuality #independence #abuse #roleplay #TA #personality #persona #Adult

© Apoorv Vikas

“Survival of the fittest; elimination of the weak.”
– Charles Darwin, Theory of Evolution

We were in the jungles, millennia ago.
We are in jungles, now.
Being in civilization doesn’t save us from the laws of jungle.
On the contrary, it makes those laws subtle, hidden, masked; and much more dangerous.
The simplicity of life and death has now given way to complexity of traps and exploitation.
Using you is better profitable than killing you; they’ve learned.
Danger lurks everywhere.
Deception is the key; manipulation is the name of the game.
Darkness hides right there under the glitter; hiding in it are thousands of eyes that look at you.
Waiting for you to make a mistake.
Predators are poised everywhere. They wear nice suits and make you sigh; some wolves wear humble skins of sheep and make you cry.
They want to know about your desires and emotional weaknesses; so that they could design a plan to exploit you.
They wait for you to close eyes, just once.
Shadows listen to everything, looking for opportunities, ready to materialise with forms and attack.

Deception works by means of distraction, my friend.
It’s about parlor tricks.
Solution is, and always will be, awareness.
Constant awareness.
Know that reality around you has a link of fluidity with you. It changes, to force you to change; and in turn it changes further, because you changed.
The key is to be aware of that change;
to see it coming;
and adapt immediately, to be ready for it.
To adapt is to know what outcome you desire; and be eligible to receive that outcome.
Know that it’s not enough to adapt once.
It’s a continuum.
Evolution is a continuous process of applied adaptation and used results.
Be at it. Always be at it.
Watch, listen, process, analyse, understand, implement, invest and reinvest; and be better versions of yourself each passing moment.
Letting hurt and loss of the past distract you isn’t affordable.
As Eckhart Tolle says, die to the past quickly and be in here and now; with thought and action; always, without exception.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#survival #evolution #life #adaptation #nature #living #fighting #darwin #abuse #exploitation #domination #dictation #right #truth #freedom #independence #individualism #positive #thought #understanding #society #oppression #rich #poverty #awareness #progress

शिकवणारं जगणं…!

– © अपूर्व विकास

मोठं उपयोगाचं असतं,
“परिस्थितीने तोंडावर धडाध्धड दारं लावून घेतल्यावर दुसरा काही पर्यायच न उरणं”.
आजवरच्या आयुष्याचं पोतं करणारे स्थितीशील आळस झटकून गतीशील तेव्हाच होतात माणसं!

– जगणं तिथे प्रवाही होतं!

मोठं गरजेचं असतं,
“गरजणाऱ्या प्राक्तनासमोर नखशिखांत भीतीने दडपून जाणं”.
ताकदीचे माजोरडे भ्रम सोडून कमतरतांचं गदगदलेलं सत्य तेव्हाच स्वीकारतात माणसं!

– जगणं तिथे शिकाऊ होतं!

मोठं वापरात येतं,
“दु:खाने काळीज चिरणारी वेदना अनुभवणं”.
आपल्यात अजून चिरेबंदी करायची कुठे उरलीये,
ते तिथनंच उमजतात माणसं!

– जगणं तिथे सबळ होतं!

मोठं महत्वाचं असतं,
“आपल्यासाठी कुणी तळमळत होतं,” हे त्यांच्या मृत्यूपत्रात समजणं.
व्यावहारिकतेच्या बौद्धिक कौतुकात आपल्याही भावना आंधळ्या होऊ शकतात, हे इथे कळून घेतात माणसं!

– जगणं तेव्हा माणसात येतं!

मोठं शिकवणारं असतं,
“ती आपल्यासाठी आस लावून होती,” हे ती दुसऱ्याची झाल्यावर कळणं.
आपली नजर वेगळे शोध घेत असताना, हवं ते जवळच असू शकतं, हे असं शिकतात माणसं!

– जगणं तेव्हा प्रेमळ होतं!

मोठं गरजेचं असतं,
“काहीच चूक नसताना चारचौघात झालेल्या अपमानाने मन चिरून ठेवणं”.
समोरून शहाणपणाच्या अपेक्षेआधी शहाणपणाची क्षमता तपासायला हवी, हे तेव्हाच शिकतात माणसं!

– जगणं तेव्हा वयात येतं!

मोठं निकडीचं असतं,
“हतबल होताना रागाची कचकचीत तिडीक पोटात उसवणं”.
परिस्थितीला गृहीत धरण्याआधी तितकी ताकद कमवायला हवी, हे तशी शिकतात माणसं!

– जगणं तेव्हा समजूतदार होतं!

मोठं आवश्यक असतं,
विश्वासघाताने “विसंबून राहण्याचा आधार” पायाखालून सटकन निसटताना अनुभवणं.
ओठांवरच्या आश्वासक हसण्यावर श्रद्धा ठेवण्याआधी समोरच्या मुखवट्यांमागचं सत्य नजरेत तपासायचं असतं, हे त्यानंतरच ध्यानात घेतात माणसं!

– जगणं तिथे डोळस होतं!

मोठं गरजेचं असतं,
“कष्टांचे ढीग उपसल्यानंतरचं सफल घरटं वादळाच्या लहरीत विरताना” पाहणं.
सृजन सुंदरतेबरोबर सक्षमही असेल, तरच टिकाव धरतं, हे तत्क्षणीच ठसवून घेतात माणसं!

– जगणं तिथे भक्कम होतं!

मोठं जागवणारं असतं,
“सत्यासाठी सत्वाच्या कसोटीवर तुटून पडून लढल्यावरही असत्य दिमाखात जिंकलेलं दिसणं”.
निसर्गात जिवंत ठेवणं हे जिवंत राहण्याच्या क्षमतेच्या बोलीवर विकत दिलं जातं, हे त्यानंतर जाणतात माणसं!

– जगणं तिथे जिवंत होतं!

मोठं प्रेरणादायी असतं,
“कष्टाने झडझडून मिळवलेल्या यशानंतरही अतृप्त पोकळ असमाधान श्वास कोंडत हृदयात पिळवटणं”.
अचूकतेच्या ध्यासात स्वत:शीच स्पर्धा करण्याच्या जाज्वल्यतेत तेव्हाच तेजाळतात माणसं!

– जगणं तिथे बाजी मारतं!

मोठं कोडं घालून देतं,
“पोराचं न्यूयॉर्कचं फ्लाईट सहाचं आहे, म्हणून पहाटे तीनला टैक्सी शोधायला स्वत:ला बाहेर पडलेलं पाहणं”.
आपण तरूण होत असताना अण्णा त्यांच्यावाटची चपाती आपल्या थाळीत सरकवून ताटावरून लवकर का उठायचे, ते फक्त तेव्हाच जाणतात माणसं!

– जगणं तेव्हा प्रेमस्वरूप होतं!

– समुपदेशक अपूर्व विकास
(निगडी, पुणे)

8928183848

7774917184 (WhatsApp)

#marathi #article #maharashtra #life #growth #knowledge #wisdom #understanding #love #experience #people #human #maturity #मराठी #ललित #लेख #कविता #जीवन #जगणं #अनुभव #समाज #संवेदना #जाणीव #मानसशास्त्र #समुपदेशन #विचार #भावना #प्रगल्भ

© Apoorv Vikas

It’s lovely when they do it.

It begins with a well-aimed comment,
full of mockery and abuse,
high pitched voices with low-pitched humor,
directed your way,
combined with a well-enacted laughter by their friends. As if the joke was too great.
Add some over-animated judgmental body-language to it; with smirks and all; and the picture is complete.
All that, to let you know:
“We invalidate you.”
Because, “You aren’t important.”

And yet, they don’t stop paying attention.
In fact, they intensify it. Which is funny.
Because it’s not really that they invalidate you.
Truth is, you’ve scared them.
With your appearance that says, “I’m different than you”;
With your speech that says, “I think different than you”;
With your action that says, “I dare to act different than you”;
And with the actuality of it all that says, “I’m beginning something you’d never”.
Yes. It’s scary for them.

Consciously they aren’t smart enough to know that they’re scared of you.
The unconscious fear and anxiety vents out by way of judgmental attitude, criticism and mockery.
The laughter is actually hysterical.
The comment is hate; chosen over fear.
The body language is hyperventilation camouflaged by over-animated expressions.

Now, don’t you waste your time asking why they hurt you if you aren’t hurting them.
You know why they choose to be scared of you? (Oh yes, it’s their choice; you aren’t scaring them; they decide to be so on their own).
It’s because you’re breaking their belief systems.
Belief systems they decided to cling to; even when they yielded no good result;
because the alternative was to go out and explore and construct a path to walk on;
which would’ve taken lots of effort;
and they’re too intellectually lazy for that.
You’re pointing out the very essence of their existence, which is too weak to be comfortable to them.

It’s like a lion, walking among a bunch of monkeys who never saw a lion before.
And lions don’t care about the fragility of monkeys’ belief systems.
It’s all a proof that you’re moving ahead;
proof that you’re on a better path than them;
proof that you should continue walking that path;
because you’re EVOLVING.

It’s OK. These poor souls are wasting time judging you. Which means they aren’t going to be there in future.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#success #growth #goal #objective #result #win #competition #life #survival #mockery #judgment #criticism #attitude #hate #trolling #abuse #action #thought #think #positive #opponent #emotion #feeling #rise #motivation #evolution #evolve #develop #personal #space

© Apoorv Vikas

Some of us fall in love.
Some of us hijack love.

Some of us say, “let’s be happy.”
Some of us say, “make me happy.”

Some of us merge strengths.
Some of us match weaknesses.

Some of us say, “Come, build love with me.”
Some of us say, “Go, build love for me.”

Some of us say, “I’m there for you.”
Some of us phone ten times an hour, to scream, “Where the hell are you?”

Some of us say, “I want to share love with you.”
Some of us calculate, “What do I get from you?”

Some of us say, “Love, I’m right here.”
Some of us shriek, “You, stay right there.”

Some of us complete relationship.
Some of us command relationship.

Some of us see it as a creation with partner.
Some of us want it as recreation supplied by partner.

Some of us just want, “Be with me.”
Some of us demand, “Complete me.”

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#relationship #love #romance #couple #live_in #marriage #married #boyfriend #girlfriend #husband #wife #sex #maturity #understanding #anxiety #depression #breakup #trust #control #problem #personality #insecurity #personal_space #domination #exploitation #lost #partner #counseling #goal #happiness

© Apoorv Vikas

“I want to forget my fears.”
“Why?”
“I want to go ahead in life.”
“Who’s stopping you?”
“Fears. That’s why I want to forget fears.”
“How’d that help?”
“Fears have given me an inertia.”
“So?”
“Fearlessness will make me free.”
“To crash yourself.”
“No, to succeed in life.”
“It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.”
“What?”
“Forget fears and you’ll crash.”
“Why are you so goddamn pessimistic?”
“I’m pragmatic.”
“How’s this pragmatic?”
“Who put fears in human brains?”
“Mother Nature.”
“There’s a purpose behind all acts of nature.”
“What purpose does fear serve? It’s useless.”
“Is staying alive useless?”
“Staying alive?”
“Millennia ago we used to live in jungles. A little noise in the bush nearby could be a hiding rabbit. Or a cunning tiger. A rabbit; and it’s food. A tiger; and we’re food.”
“So?”
“Instinct taught us to fear the unknown. It was smart move to be afraid.”
“Smart? How so?”
“If lust for rabbit lead to a tiger’s attack, our ancestors payed great costs. It was smarter to agree to stay hungry for the day and retreat; instead of risking immediate death.”
“But that’s just escapism. And assuming it’ll always be a tiger is just phobia.”
“You’re right on both accounts; but you haven’t heard the rest of the story. I said, they used to retreat.”
“And… come back later?”
“Of course. With better preparations. With a spear, perhaps. With friends with spears, preferably. You see, they used their fears. They used it as motivation to better themselves; ready themselves for the situation; to deal with it efficiently.”
“Why isn’t it working with the likes of me, today?”
“It’s because you aren’t using your fears, the way our ancestors did. Most prefer escapism of permanent retreat. Many prefer phobia of permanent assumption of cunning tigers in bushes. And then there’s you, thinking that forgetting it all will make things better. You’re the worst of them. You opt for wishful thinking.”
“So what should I do?”
“My friend, learn from our ancestors. Your fear isn’t there as entertainment for Nature. It’s a useful tool. Use it. Explore yourself. Explore the situation. Get data. Locate and identify what you lack; where you lack it. Retreat; learn required skills; top up your arsenal; start accomplishing progressively; let your mind react to those accomplishments with confidence and an adapted mentality; and then confront the tiger. That’s how you win.”

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi, Pune)

8928183848

7774917184 (WhatsApp)

© Apoorv Vikas

#success #progress #win #achievement #goal #objective #develop #inspiration #motivation #betterment #empowerment #strength #personality #life #accomplishment #fear #afraid #anxiety #unknown #explore #knowledge #wisdom #mind #power #transcend #escapism #phobia #leader #purpose

© Apoorv Vikas

I needed to make a move.
I had no move to make.
Then I asked myself, “Did I explore?”

I saw what was available.
I saw it wasn’t compatible.
Maybe I needed to make it so.
Maybe I needed to make myself so.
Then I asked myself, “Did I explore?”

Maybe a path began elsewhere.
Maybe it was here but I was elsewhere.
Or perhaps I needed to change my walk.
I thought, “Did I explore?”

I wanted to start something; but didn’t.
I started something to finish it; but couldn’t.
Maybe I started wrong.
Maybe I started right; but worked wrong.
Or perhaps I perceived the goal incorrectly.
I understood, “Did I explore?”

I accomplished some goals. I was happy.
New ones sparked in mind. I was ambitious.
I started enthusiastically.
I failed miserably.
Maybe I assumed helpful tools of past would yield same results.
Then I realised new tasks call for new tools.
Or perhaps same tools could be used differently.
I processed, “Did I explore?”

Life arrived at a location.
Some paths have been traversed.
Some remain.
These days I don’t wait for failure.
These days I begin hunting new right away.
I’ve learned to be at it.
Any time. All the time.
To explore is a two-way task.
I need to look outside, and within too.
But most important:
To explore is a continuous task.
It helps.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)

© Apoorv Vikas

#success #goal #objective #dream #ambition #growth #explore #strength #skill #learn #new #search #process #knowledge #wisdom #understanding #information #data #study #student #analysis #vision #focus #determination #inspiration #motivation #development #analytics #life #career

© Apoorv Vikas

It’s a game of deception.
It’s a parlor trick.
The oldest of all.
It’s about making you believe they are worth it.
Worth for you to hold them in high regards.
Worth for you to focus all of your existence at them.
Worth for you to submit your will to them.
Worth the effort you take for them.
For their appreciation.
For their approval.
For their admiration.

The objective is simple.
They want you to toil and achieve good things and place those things at their feet.
So that they’ll get it all free of effort.

They’re all great actors.
They know how to project personas.
They know how to fake it all.
Wisdom. Knowledge. Care. Support. Love.
They know how to identify what you yearn for; and how to place its virtual availability in front of you, to hook you up.
They know how to make you feel humbled with their presence in your life.
They know how to make you strive to see a simple smile of affection on their faces.
They know how to engulf your entire existence.
Your focus is your existence. They hijack it and you’re theirs.

You see them everywhere.

Bosses with smart looks and rich suits and leather chairs in your workplace; throwing great men’s quotes and offering bold opinions about life: you feel like this is your future success, talking to you.

Men with charms and dimples on chins and pretty words in parties: you feel like the prince of your dreams has stepped into reality from myths.

Women who know how to project kindness and promise soft warm breasts and thighs to a man hungry to rest his head on and fall asleep: you feel like an angel of care has descended from the heavens.
You want to give it all to these people.

Don’t.
Don’t be so goddamn needy for affection and admiration. It has its costs. Those costs break you. Know that the only person who needs to be there for you, is you.
And you’ll be enough, once you explore yourself with thought and evolve yourself with action.

True strength is when you learn to be independent emotionally.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)

© Apoorv Vikas

#strength #empowerment #learn #people #relationship #corporate #social #growth #success #deception #trick #manipulation #emotion #feeling #think #exploitation #character #love #game #kind #leader #boss #sex #appreciation #approval #control #domination #abuse #needy #independent

© Apoorv Vikas

There’s a saying in my mother-tongue.
Literarily translated, it says,
“When wrong ones are friends,
Life ends.”

Being with people essentially merges our paths with theirs. If their paths are destined for destruction, it’s no wonder if we face the same heat.

But these “wrong ones” are of two types.
There’s evil. And then there’s the fool.

Evil is bad. But it’s still a manageable bad.
Evil has a specific objective.
Evil has a specific path.
Sure; evil will try to trick you; deceive you; manipulate you.
But still it can be studied; analysed; understood.
Know enough about its tricks; and you can plan plots to bring it down.

The fool is worse.
The fool is unpredictable.
Probably because fools themselves don’t know what they’re doing, and for what.
A fool is too scattered. Too chaotic.
And one should never underestimate the nuisance value of chaos.
Fools have practically invented the “Butterfly Effect”. In their random ventures, fools flutter their wings like butterflies in one location in space-time reality; and set in motion an unpredictable course of consequences that may cause a storm in another location.

Being associated with them, that location can very well be you, my friend.

You want to go ahead in life?
You want to reach your goals?
You want to control outcomes out of controlled inputs?
Get the unpredictability quotient out of your life.
Eject the fool in your social circle.
And if it’s full of only fools; wiser to eject yourself out of it.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

© Apoorv Vikas

#success #growth #goal #caution #warning #danger #wise #wisdom #positive #knowledge #social #people #friend #partner #evil #wicked #fool #information #analysis #predict #understanding #future #Butterfly_Effect #stupid #entropy #chaos #random #pattern #data #awareness

© Apoorv Vikas

“My son never cleans his room…! It’s always me! Ha-ha!”
“My daughter has no idea how to make a simple cup of tea…! I still pack her lunch box for her! Ha-ha!”
“My husband hasn’t washed even one single shirt in his life…! I always end up with a ton of laundry! Ha-ha!”
“My wife gives me this look when I suggest to cook at home, once in a while, when I’m coming late from work, tired… So either I cook or we just order from outside…! Ha-ha!”

There’s a reason why there’s that exclamation mark at the end of each statement.
Because you don’t just complain; you exclaim.
With a goddamn smile that sometimes bursts into a short, mechanical laughter.
As if it’s all just a big joke.
“So funny, you see…!”
You want others to think.
The question is, do you?
Do you really think it’s funny?
Is that why you smile and laugh?
What the hell are you going “ha-ha” for?
Or is that a mask to hide your helplessness?
A little self-invalidation? “I can’t do crap about it so I just smile at it?”
Is that your perception of “taking things positively”?
Is it working?
Who are you kidding?

Do you know what’s the simplest explanation as to why people do something? Anything?
It’s due to two things.
One. They want to do it.
Two. It’s possible to do it.

Your son, daughter, husband, wife are basically bullying you. Don’t kid yourself; that’s what it is. They are taking you and your time and effort for granted. They know you’re there. They know you will always be there to make it so freaking possible for them.

You have two options.
Either you stop complaining once and for all. Accept that you were put on this planet to do everybody else’s laundry. Remain the noble unsung hero or heroine. Find solace in the rotting carcass of your always-taken-for-granted existence.
Or.
You choose to man up (or woman up).
You choose to stay firm. Establish that it’s going to be team-work. Or it’s not going to be anything. Allocate tasks to others. Leave them to finish their own tasks. Establish you have your own life and goals and deserved leisures. Tell everybody to stop being kids about it. Oh, they won’t listen? Very well. Let that emptied coffee mug remain right there on the arm-rest of the couch. Let their unwashed clothes remain right there in the bucket. Let them starve for a day. Let them see how things are going to be now. Let them complain; throw tantrums; let them bang their heads on the floor. Don’t budge. Don’t you dare budge. Let all the dirt be there for freaking 7 days. Or 70. Whatever. If they choose to live in it; it’s their choice. Stop rescuing them from the hazards of their laziness. Let them feel some hurt. It’s OK. Let them see you are NOT there. Let them judge you. No need to reply. You aren’t answerable to their self-glorified crap. Let them see the sheer impossibility of taking you for granted. Let them see this is for real. Let them see you ain’t kidding. It’s serious. They’ll change only when you leave them WITH NO OTHER OPTION. Only then, you’ll live with dignity. And you should. You deserve it.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#family #parent #child #care #teenage #son #daughter #mom #dad #wife #husband #taken_for_granted #bully #dignity #maturity #responsibility #needy #dependent #independent #growth #dynamic #relationship #understanding #love #caring #self #individuality #firm #Me

© Apoorv Vikas

The world isn’t run by storms with loud screams. It’s run by flows with silent streams.

Streams that know how to be rivers;
reach oceans; form clouds; rain down;
cycle through with knowledge and experience and applied thought.
They know how to develop mechanisms and set them into motion.
They know how to make things work.
They know how to get outcomes.

Perhaps it’s the world that shapes them into these silent engineers.
Entire lifetimes are gone, suffering mockery and judgement and rejection.
They’re seen in schoolyards; finding themselves between a dead-end and a group of bullies.
They learn out of it.
They’re seen in high-schools; getting shot down by prom queens and humiliated in locker rooms by football stars for spending time in libraries.
They learn out of it.
They’re seen in your homes; getting abused and beaten and tossed aside by drunken fathers and uncles and siblings and cousins.
They learn out of it.
They’re seen in corporate offices; used as vents for frustrated bosses with overambitious superiority complexes.
They learn out of it.

Because they’re forced to learn. To survive.
They observe.
They watch people.
They learn what makes people work.
They learn what to say and what to avoid; in front of whom, where and when.
They learn the tricks of working alone in forgotten corners; using others’ disinterest to camouflage their craft.
They learn things about you that even you didn’t know about yourself.
They learn how to use what they’ve learned when you aren’t looking.

They learn adaptation.
They learn improvisation.
They learn survival.
They learn how to be ready for future.
Because they design it when you’re busy reveling in sensations of the present.

Beware.
If you’re finding it funny to hurt someone, you might be setting your own doom in motion.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
© Apoorv Vikas

#silent #people #misfit #introvert #extravert #bully #bullyism #survival #life #fight #struggle #humiliation #abuse #pain #hurt #victim #retribution #revenge #domination #rejection #strength #adaptation #learn #social #mentality #attitude #psychology #deception #improvisation #submissive

© Apoorv Vikas

“Teacher?”
“Yes, my child?”
“This is for you.”
“What is it?”
“It’s a picture I drew. A token of my gratitude.”
“I see a jar; an empty cup; and a filled cup; all against a background of a river.”
“Yes, teacher.”
“What does it mean, my child?”
“It’s us. You and me.”
“I see three objects in the picture; and a river. You and me are just two.”
“Teacher, there are only two things in that picture.”
“Is that so? Interesting. I’m curious, my child. Which one is you?”
“The filled cup.”
“Which means I’m the empty cup…?”
“Yes; but not just that. You’re the jar, along with the empty cup. The two are one, really.”
“How so?”
“In the past, when I came to you; it was me whose cup was empty. You were the jar as well as the filled cup. You had filled it, to be able to teach me. You poured from your cup, to mine, filling me with your wisdom.”
“But that made my cup empty, now.”
“Yes.”
“Is that my loss? What do you think?”
“No, teacher. It’s your greatest capacity.”
“How so?”
“You have the jar. Full of wisdom of your experience. Now when the next student comes, you’ll once again pour from the jar to the cup. Ready to teach again.”
“How is that my greatest capacity?”
“Teacher, you repeat this every time a new teaching is to be undertaken. It’s a titanic task and you accomplish it every time. Emptying the cup repeatedly shows your lack of egotism. When your jar grows shallow, you become a student, go out, and fill it back up with new experience. That’s why the river is there, in that picture. All so, to be able to teach continuously. I bow to your ability to do so.”

– Dedicated to teachers and their favorite students

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#teacher #guru #teaching #coach #coaching #mentor #counselor #counseling #trainer #student #study #understanding #wisdom #knowledge #experience #thought #learn #acquire #master #skill #ability #capacity #capability #positive

*प्रेमातलं प्रेम*
© अपूर्व विकास

प्रेम असणं छानच असतं.
प्रेम करणंही जमायला हवं.
कुणी वाट पाहतंय, हे गोडच असतं.
ताटकळत न ठेवणं, जमायला हवं.

त्यांचं असणं छानच असतं.
त्यांच्यासाठी असणं जमायला हवं.
कुणी पाठीशी असणं गोडच असतं.
त्यांच्या साथीला असणं, जमायला हवं.

त्यांचं हसणं छानच असतं.
त्यांना हसवणं जमायला हवं.
त्यांचं बोलणं गोडच असतं.
स्वरातलं कातर, कळायला हवं.

त्यांचं येणं छानच असतं.
घरी पोचवणं व्हायला हवं.
आज येत नाही तेही गोडच असतं.
त्यांना रोज जमणार नाही, समजायला हवं.

जवळिकीतलं थ्रील, छानच असतं.
आश्वासकतेचं लेणं, जमायला हवं.
रंगलेलं रगेलपण, गोडच असतं.
नजरेतलं भावूक, टिपायला हवं.

अधीर होणं छानच असतं.
धीर धरणं जमायला हवं.
आसक्त होणं गोडच असतं.
सक्ती नसणं जमायला हवं.

स्पेस मिळणं, छानच असतं.
स्पेस देणं, जमायला हवं.
मनात घर करणं, गोडच असतं.
हृदयात जागा मिळणं, व्हायला हवं.

कुणी वर्तमान असणं, छानच असतं.
भूतकाळ त्यांनाही होता, स्वीकारायला हवं.
शिकवणारं जगणं, गोडच असतं.
शिकलेलं विवेकाने, वापरायला हवं.

एकत्र असणं, छानच असतं.
एकजीव असणं, जमायला हवं.
ऊब मिळणं, गोडच असतं.
पंख विस्तारणं, जमायला हवं.

विश्वास मिळणं, छानच असतं.
श्रद्धा मिळवणं, जमायला हवं.
नातं जुळणं, गोडच असतं.
नात्यातल्या देवत्वाशी, समर्पण हवं.

– समुपदेशक अपूर्व विकास
(निगडी, पुणे)
© अपूर्व विकास

8928183848

7774917184 (WhatsApp)

#मराठी #प्रेम #रिलेशनशिप #विवाह #कविता #समुपदेशन #love #relationship #marriage #boyfriend #girlfriend #husband #wife #understanding #maturity #bonding #trust #romance #sex #counseling #togetherness #couple #live_in #she #he #help #selfhelp

© Apoorv Vikas

Are we strong?

We are, if we have worked for it.
We aren’t, if we need others to work for it.

We are, if we introspect everyday.
We aren’t, if we shy away from our past.

We are, if we feel no need to project it.
We aren’t, if we can’t stand NOT showing it.

We are, if we know how weak we are too.
We aren’t, if we bark at ourselves we are.

We are, if we can be comfortable with ourselves.
We aren’t, if we need others to feel uncomfortable around us.

We are, if we lead ourselves.
We aren’t, if we need others to follow.

We are, if fighting bullies comes naturally to us.
We aren’t, if being bullies is a compulsion for us.

We are, if additions fascinate us.
We aren’t, if divisions appeal to us.

We are, if we’re dedicated to fluid futures.
We aren’t, if we’re obsessed with rigid presents.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas (Nigdi Pune)
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

© Apoorv Vikas

#strength #strong #power #charisma #capacity #ability #skill #empowerment #growth #alpha #personality #gain #bully #bullyism #freedom #domination #dictation #projection #true #false #weak #weakness #positive #fight #thought #personality #action

*नको असलेले नाटककार*

© अपूर्व विकास

काही माणसं नाटककार असतात.
दुसऱ्यांच्या भूमिका ठरवणारे नाटककार.
कुणीही न मागितलेली नाटकं लिहायची, हा त्यांचा आवडता उद्योग.
आणि नुसतं लिहून थांबत नाहीत गडी!
यांनी लिहिलेल्या भूमिका वठवल्या गेल्याच पाहिजेत, हा वर आणखी आग्रह असतो यांचा!

कशासाठी?
कारण यांना वाटतंय तेच “बरोबर”, “योग्य”, “उचित” वगैरे असतं म्हणे!
“मी म्हणतोय ना?” विषय संपला.

दुसऱ्यांनी कसं असावं, हे ठरवणार.
दुसऱ्यांनी काय करावं, हे ठरवणार.
दुसऱ्यांचे विचार, आचार आणि उच्चार, सगळंच.
विचारपद्धती, भावना, व्यक्त होण्याच्या पद्धती, सारंच.
अगदी कोणत्या वेळी कोणत्या परिस्थितीत किती प्रमाणात व्यक्त व्हावं – यांनी माप आखून द्यावं अन् इतरांनी मुकाट्याने तसं वागावं. हा आग्रह.
त्यात मग बरोबरीने मुलींचे कपडे, टिकली लावल्ये का नाही, हे आलंच.
जीवनध्येय हेच. एवढंच.

छिन्नी-हातोडी घेऊन अंगावर येत नाहीत; पण बॉडी लँग्वेज खास असते यांची. तेवढी पुरते.
इतरांचं माप काढण्यासाठीच आपला जन्म झालाय, हे रंध्रारंध्रातून झिरपत असतं.
चालणं सावकाश.
शक्यतो हात पाठीमागे बांधलेले.
खांदे पुढे पडलेले. कंबरेत थोडा पुढे झोक.
मान डोंबकावळ्यासारखी तिरपी.
डोकं खांद्यातून पुढे काढलेलं.
नजर घुबडासारखी करडी. भयानक तीक्ष्ण. पापण्या लवण्याचा प्रश्नच नसतो. समोरच्याच्या डोळ्यात पाहायला लागले की समोरच्याला जास्तीत जास्त अनकम्फर्टेबल वाटायलाच हवं.
बोलण्यापुर्वी समोरच्याच्या जास्तीत जास्त जवळ जायलाच हवं.
शब्द धीमे. पण सुस्पष्ट. चिकित्सा, समीक्षण, आणि मूल्यमापन यापलीकडे विषयच नाही.
तोंडच अशा पद्धतीने उघडतं की समोरच्याच्या मेंदूत ती नकारात्मकता ठणकन पोचायला हवी, खिडकीतून काचेची बरणी कुणीतरी आत भिरकावल्याप्रमाणे.
बोलण्यापुर्वी एक बोट हळू पुढे येतं; बोलणं सुरू झालं की बोटाने हवेत भोकं पाडणं सुरू.

“सुचवणं” वगैरे नसतंच. थेट अॉर्डरच निघते.
तुमची पर्सनल स्पेस वगैरे ? हट – ती पायपुसण्यासारखी वापरून सरळ आत घुसायचं. “येऊ का?” वगैरे भानगडच नाही.
हां – यांच्या बोलण्यात वारंवार आढळणारे शब्दप्रयोग म्हणजे रेकॉर्डच करून घेण्यासारखे.
“भारतीय संस्कृतीत हे बसत नै…”
“धर्मात हे निषिद्ध आहे…”
“शास्त्रात काय सांगितलंय मी सांगतो…”
“रिती-रिवाज काही ठाऊक आहेत की नै…?”
“ही आपली परंपरा नव्हे…”
“थोरांनी काय सांगितलंय… काही वाचन आहे का?”
“याची योग्य पद्धत त्या अमूकतमूक पुस्तकात सांगितल्ये… वाचलंय का?”
तर्क नसतो – तर्कट मात्र असतं.
माणसा-माणसातल्या नैसर्गिक फरकांचा काहीही विचार न करता, सर्वांना एकाच मापात गुंडाळणाऱ्या ज्या संकल्पना माणसांनी हजारो वर्षांपासून जन्माला घालून ठेवल्यात, त्या साऱ्या “कसं जगायचं ते आम्ही सांगतो” या प्रकारच्या संकल्पना यांच्या विशेष आवडीच्या असतात.
किंबहुना, त्या सगळ्याच्या अंतिम व्याख्या आपल्याकडेच आहेत, हा यांचा सोयिस्कर खाक्या असतो.

यांच्यातले काही विशिष्ट व्यक्तींवर फोकस ठेवतात.
लग्नामुळे “हक्काचं”वगैरे झालेलं माणूस; आपली मुलं; बहिणीची थोरली मुलगी; अॉफिसातला जोशी…
“आपल्या खानदानात कुणी असलं काही केलं नै…”
“आमच्या घरी सुनेला साडीच नेसावी लागेल; प्रश्नच नै…”
“मी मुलाला सांगितलं, इंजिनिअरिंगच. नाहीतर जेवण बंद…”
यांच्यात एक वेगळी पोटजमात असते; ज्यांना संपूर्ण समाजाच्या “नैतिक उन्नती”चं कंत्राट आपल्यालाच मिळालंय, असा जीवलग भ्रम असतो.
त्यात मग शेजारचे आले.
Flat no. ४०२ मधलं ते “असंस्कृत” live-in रिलेशनशिपवालं कपल आलं.
नाक्यावर तरूण मुलगा-मुलगी बोलत उभे असतील तर त्यांच्या जास्तीत जास्त जवळून जाणं आलं. दोन पावलं पुढे जाऊन थांबणं आलं. मागे वळून तिच्या कपड्यांकडे निरखून पाहणं आलं. त्याच्या खांद्यावर टक टक करणं आलं. स्वत:च्या समीक्षक वृत्तीने ओतप्रोत भरलेलं ते “काय? इथे काय?” विचारणं आलं.
पंतप्रधानांनी काय करावं हे ठरवणं आलं.
UN च्या प्रमुखाचं गोत्र काढणं आलं.

कशासाठी हे सगळं?

याची बीजं यांच्या स्वत:च्या आयुष्यात सापडतात.
यांच्या खाजगी आयुष्यात मैलोन्मैल लांबच्या लांब पोकळ्या सापडतात. विस्तीर्ण. काहीही नसण्याच्या पोकळ्या. काहीही निर्माण न करता येण्याच्या पोकळ्या. नसलेल्या स्वत्वाच्या सत्वहीन पोकळ्या. पुर्वायुष्यात दुसऱ्यांचे दबाव भिरकावता न आल्याच्या टाचण्या देणाऱ्या पोकळ्या. स्वत:ची वाढ करता आली नाही, म्हणून उत्क्रांतीहीन तत्वशास्त्रात डोळे झाकून जगण्याच्या पोकळ्या. दोष परिस्थितीला देतील; पण दोषी असतो नाकर्तेपणा, खरंतर.

आणि या पोकळ्या भीती घालत राहतात. वाकुल्या दाखवत राहतात. वेडावत राहतात. शांत राहू देत नाहीत.

मग पोकळीवर पांघरूण घालावं लागतं. जे नाही ते झाकावं लागतं. कुणाच्या दृष्टीस पडलं म्हणजे? नको. पोकळीचं सत्य कुणाला कळता कामा नये. उपाय काय? हं – सोंग करा. आव आणा. सगळ्या शास्त्रांचे नि ज्ञानाचे दावेदार असल्याचं ढोंग करा. नसलेलं व्यक्तिमत्व चमकवत राहा. स्वत:च एक भूमिका व्हा; अन् इतरांसाठी भूमिका लिहीत राहा. हं – जास्तीत जास्त माणसं आपल्या नियंत्रणात यायला हवीत. सगळे आपल्या दबावाखाली जगले पाहीजेत – पुर्वी आपण जगलो तसे. आणि बरोबरच आहे आपलं – इतकी अपयशं पचवली आयुष्यात; तरी जिवंत आहोत. म्हणजे शहाणेच की आपण… मग आपण म्हणतो ते बरोबरच असणार.

एक सोयिस्कर गृहीत धरलेलं मिथक.

नका पोकळ्यांमध्ये जगू.
आणि हो – ज्यांच्या पोकळ्या तुमच्यावर झेपावत असतील, त्यांची सोंगं टरकावणार असाल तर वेळेत टरकवा.
पोकळ्यांच्या नकारात्मक गुरुत्वाकर्षणात खेचले जाण्याआधी.

आत्ताच.

– समुपदेशक अपूर्व विकास
(निगडी, पुणे)
© अपूर्व विकास

8928183848

7774917184 (WhatsApp)

#मराठी #व्यक्ती #माणूस #समाज #सामाजिक #मानसशास्त्र #लेख #marathi #people #social #society #group #psychology #understanding #control_freak #OCD #trait #insecurity #maturity #counseling #drama #judgment #criticise #human #harassment #abuse #exploitation

© Apoorv Vikas

Dear,

People say “I’m in love”.
Today I want to say “I’m in respect”.

Why? Well….

I learned a lot, after our breakup. Your presence (or absence) lead to that. Did we suffer each other? A lot! But with real patience. Yes, we fought dirty. And when we didn’t, our cold war bled us. It felt heavy at the time. But today I realise the icy coldness could’ve been bloodier. But hey. We didn’t reach that level. I realise that now. And that’s why, I’m in respect today. For you and me. And I wish to share that with you. Not that I’m not sad it wasn’t there before; but I just don’t want to deny us both its incredible availability today.

Relationship!
Dear, I’ve learned it now that it’s a space. And it isn’t to be hijacked. What did we expect, at the time? We had vacuums in our own lives. Vacuums we couldn’t fulfil. We both wanted the other to come and fill them up. So silly! Relationship is not a permission for learned handicapping – I’m learning that now!

To fill up those vacuums is our own duty to ourselves; the partner has nothing to do with it. One needs to wake up thoughts. Check behavior. Audit dialogue. Consciously. With awareness. It structures a capable system. Love is when such two systems merge. Relationship is the celebration of that union – I’m learning that now!

Relationship isn’t a stage.
Relation isn’t a drama.
Togetherness isn’t a script.
Sharing isn’t a set.
Nothing can be scripted.
Those who do that, fool themselves.
We did.
Others’ love stories, cinema, serials, novels pour an ink in our brains. We use it to write dramas and characters, since age 12. Then one day we start a relationship and think, hey, now I have an actor to play out the character I love. Never works – I’m learning that now!

The words “my and mine” facilitate a convenient safe house to kidnap someone and bind them with the rope of our own insecurity – I’m learning that now!

We’re supposed to love the person; not the role. We’re supposed to relate with the soul; not the persona. It’s supposed to be natural; un-mechanical. Struggle of life makes us fight hundreds of fights out there in the world, with disguises and tricks, and do everything to survive. We retire each evening from the battlegrounds and hope to come to a space, where we could be accepted as we are; with no more pretences. And the other person wants the same! We need to give what we want – I’m learning that now!

Remember how easily we used to throw words like “my calibre” and “my potential” and “my independence” and “my ambitions” at each other’s face? Basically we both wanted to convey that “being with you is a favor to you”, to the other. Fragile and fickle corporate lifestyle had locked us. Consumerism had trapped our minds. We were “team leaders” at our workplaces; but in personal lives we were mere “followers” of trends and supposed thrills. We used to give speeches about “pride”; when last remnants of our integrity were getting washed away. Remember the text on your phone from “that” person you wanted to hide from me? Remember how it was like, that one time I went to New York for work; when I lied to you about one additional day in my stay, by saying it was “a surprise meeting with some work people”? We were both blaming the other for losing ourselves – I’m learning that now!

Do I think about you?
Always.
Do I imagine meeting you?
Always.
Shall we meet?
Why do I ask?
Well, don’t get me wrong.
I’m not breaking down.
I’m building back up.
And only that’s why I’m asking.
Only that’s why I’m daring.
What we had, couldn’t reach completion.
So we aborted it.
Fine.
But creation can always have second chance – I’m learning that now!
Change is a two-way street.
If both are willing to walk that street;
and if both accept the other’s capacity to do so;
then two newly evolved power sources can create something beautiful once again!
Build, again.
Be, again.
Possibilities are always to be answered with yes – I’m learning that now!

Last time we had tea at that place outside the college campus, was eight years ago.
I’m in mood for it.
Nothing has ever tasted like that.

Coming?

Yours, but new,
Me.

© Apoorv Vikas

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
(Nigdi Pune)

8928183848
7774917184 (WhatsApp)

#love #relationship #couple #boyfriend #girlfriend #married #husband #wife #breakup #divorce #romance #problem #pain #hurt #mental #depression #anxiety #care #understand #growth #positive #together #TA #counseling #communication #sharing

© Apoorv Vikas

Some of us are playwrights.
For others.
They write plays especially for those who never asked for it.

The idea is to define what’s “right”.

For whole goddamn human race.

They define what others should be.
They design what others should do.
They declare what others should think.
What others should feel. Believe.
How they should emote.
For which situation. At what time.
It’s their favourite work. They love it.
They do it as if it’s the sole goal of their life.

Some of them focus on very specific people. Their partners. Spouses. Kids. Niece. Underlings at work.
And then there are those who believe they have the contract to “uplift” the whole society.
They want to have them all: their neighbors; the young “uncultured” live-in couple in flat no. 402; the gate security; the helper at the grocery shop; the Prime Minister; Head of UN.

They don’t just suggest. They dictate.
Their favorite tools are criticism and judgment. They invade your personal space, like it was there just for them to trample under their feet.
Their favorite words are usually “culture”, “traditions”, “religion”, “mythology” – basically all those ideas which can be thrown at your face as if they have the universal answers for “how to live”, the subjective and contextual differences between individuals be damned.

A closer look at their own lives reveals something interesting.
Almost all of them have vast empty spaces in their own lives; vacuums they should’ve filled up but never could.
That hollowness scares them. Entire lives go by without any significant achievement. Or any real individual growth.
And when individuals find themselves incomplete even after toils of a lifetime, they like to think their failures have made them eligible for guidance.
It’s a convenient assumption.
And a compulsive obsession.
Without that false projection, they have no existence. Hence the invasion.
Pity.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
© Apoorv Vikas

#life #mind #people #think #feel #behavior #emotion #loss #failure #vacuum #significance #achieve #understanding #wisdom #guidance #religion #culture #personal #space #dominance #dictate #false #personality #insecurity

© Apoorv Vikas
What do we seek in a relationship?
Appreciation of what we are?
Approval of what we do?
Admiration of what we do great?
It’s alright. Nothing wrong there.

But sometimes it becomes a demand.
We want our partners to be our fans.
Fans who would always be there.
To voice out that we’re so strong in all walks of life.
In career. In making money.
In fitness. In charms.
In white-collar skills. In blue-collar skills.
In romance. In bed.
Everywhere.
Their everyday compliments about what they usually like about us, aren’t enough.
We also need them to be in complete agreement with us when we say we’re good at something.
Why?

The thing about compliment is this.
Its desire indicates comfortable assurance.
Its demand indicates uncomfortable doubt.
About what we are.

Sometimes we know we aren’t as good in something as we’d like to pretend we are.
It leaves a vacuum.
And we expect our partners to fill it up;
so that we wouldn’t have to.
That’s laziness, right there.
And such expectations inevitably result in taunts and laughs and negative strokes which only widen the vacuum.

How about staying true to ourselves?
How about accepting that being good at something is a continuous journey?
How about learning? Exploring? Thinking? Implementing?
How about continuing growth?
How about earning those compliments?

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#relationship #love #romance #he #she #boyfriend #girlfriend #positive #strokes #compliment #strength #communication #dialogue #sex #understanding #maturity #truth #reality #partner #married #couple #anxiety #breakup #admiration #appreciation #expectation #counseling

© Apoorv Vikas

– “I want to *grow*.”
– “Keep breathing. Don’t die even once.”
– “Not that. That’s just *aging*.”
– “What else is growth?”
– “Success. I want to express my capacities.”
– “Who’s stopping you?”
– “It’s me.”
– “Knowing that is half the battle, won.”
– “The next half remains.”
– “Who’s stopping you?”
– “I have knowledge. But I can’t put it in action.”
– “So you have no knowledge.”
– “Why?”
– ” *Absent functionality, knowledge is moot.* ”
– “Negative thoughts cloud the mind.”
– “Which is a result of disarrayed wits, intellect, conscience and action.”
– “Where’s my error?”
– “What have you done, in the first place?”
– ” *One*: I’ve read lots of self-help books. *Two*: I’ve started positive thinking.”
– “That’s the error.”
– “Meaning?”
– “You read a lot. But did you *absorb*?”
– “Don’t books instill thoughts?”
– “Forget these queer thoughts first.”
– “Huh…? Shouldn’t one read?”
– “One must. Thoughts encapsulated in words cascade in the mind; streaming new ideas. It’s a beautiful experience to have.”
– “Then why did you just…”
– “What pours in mind, is to be *used*. It needs to be *stored* first.”
– “I see.”
– “To store, needs a bucket. The bucket of conscience. And it must be our own.”
– “Why ours? Aren’t the thoughts born in great brains?”
– “Yes; but it’s *our lives* they’re supposed to affect. Not the great brains. They’re done with them.”
– “OK. So?”
– “To download thoughts in our mind; we must make them compatible with our system first.”
– “So we can’t *pick up* thoughts readily?”
– “We can’t *use* them readily.”
– “So what should one do?”
– “Tell me. What breeds *wisdom*?”
– “Thoughts…?”
– “No. It’s *application of thoughts*.”
– “How?”
– “Life reacts to how we apply what we’ve thought. We call it *experience*. It breeds wisdom.”
– “So it’s about using what we store in the bucket.”
– “Of course. To check outcomes. To check profit and loss of applied thoughts. To check error in expected output and actual result. Growth results from experience. *You haven’t really thought anything; unless you’ve applied it*.”
– “I see.”
– “Math has to be practically solved. You read sums and go for the exams; and life fails you immediately.”
– “But won’t that *empty the bucket*?”
– “That’s the whole *purpose*, my friend. Only then we can refill it.”
– “Why refill?”
– “The tank of experience is large. A single bucket can’t fill it up. We need *repetitions*.”
– “Trial and error.”
– “Calls for patience.”
– “I have that. Like I said, I’m positive.”
– “Meaning what exactly, dear?”
– “Meaning, I visualise my success, and-”
– “And then my nine times more powerful subconscious pulls my success out of universe’s throat; is that it?”
– “You don’t believe in that?”
– “Sure I do.”
– “But?”
– “What about *checking the practicality of our conscious; before we delve in the subconscious*?”
– “Meaning?”
– “Most folks can’t stay positive for long. Know why?”
– “No. I’m one of them.”
– “Its because most souls think, *hey, I’ll charge myself fully positive first, like topping up the tank with gas; and then I’ll get to work*. And that’s where people go *wrong.*”
– “Why?”
– “Do you think *confidence and positivity* are *inputs* for work?”
– “Yes. Am I wrong?”
– “Pretty much. They’re *byproducts.*”
– “How come?”
– ” *Confidence and positivity grow simultaneously and synchronously with effort*. They don’t show up out of thin air. They result out of effort, gradually.”
– “And how to nourish that positivity?”
– ” *Positivity cycles from thought to effort; and from effort to thought. Positive thinking is never just a mental task. It’s a creation out of applied thought and used experience.*”
– “And what’s the process?”
– “First of all, *verbalise* your goals by staying true to *logic* and *factuality*.”
– “Will do.”
– “Creation begins from *zero*; not one. Finding yourself at zero isn’t a problem; it’s the opportunity for creation.”
– “Noted.”
– “Keeping emotions and sentiments aside, work mathematically. Get from zero to one, today. That’s success for today. Small. Limited. But true success. Remember what you had to do to get to that ‘one’.”
– “And tomorrow?”
– ” *Repetition*. Every day. Each day. Only thing is, *you keep adding one to previous day’s score*.”
– “Beautiful.”
– “Looking back, you’ll see a mathematically precise effect of *disciplined work*; you’ll see *a path you built and walked on*; you’ll see a flash in your eyes: a fire of *overcoming limits, daily*. Mischievous, and yet deep.”
– “And that’s the birth of success, yes?”
– “Absolutely. *Positivity is a feedback of disciplined effort*.”
– “Most beautiful.”
– “Clouds don’t rain your confidence down on you. It’s a receipt of your inner potential.”
– “A potential we build…”
– “Be a yogi of effort. Adding one each day, you’ll develop; you’ll evolve; your thoughts will strengthen; your attitude will fortify. You’ll be at a whole different frequency; and success compatible with that frequency will step in your life. *Success isn’t what you get; it’s what you build*.”
– “I like that.”
– “Now work on it. Get in action. Now.”

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
© Apoorv Vikas

Psychologist and Counselor

Nigdi, Pune (India)
8928183848
7774917184 (WhatsApp)

facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

counselorapoorv.home.blog

#success #growth #progress #achieve #win #goal #ambition #positive #think #thought #dream #rise #aspire #inspiration #motivation #business #corporate #personality #development #support #selfhelp #power #mind #coaching #counseling #career #gains

© Apoorv Vikas

We hear these statements all the time.
“All men are sexists.”
“All women are manipulators.”
“All men are misogynist.”
“All women are illogical.”
“All men are control freaks.”
“All women use their emotional dramas as weapons.”
“All men have no sense of hygiene.”
“All women are bad drivers.”

I find the use of the word “all” quite funny here.
People are so skilled actors when they say these things about the other gender.
The slow, bleak voices aren’t enough.
There are those slow head-shakes and “tch-tch” as well, to hit it home further.

A question everybody may want to ask themselves, is this.
How many have you observed, really?
How many women has a man observed?
How many men has a woman observed?
Closely? By watching them; talking and listening to them? By really being with them? By communicating? By trying to know them as people?
5? 15? 25?
And most of them were bad?
Maybe.
But why do we walk around as if we have seen them all? All 3.5 billion of men and all 3.5 billion of women?
Exactly what do we think we would achieve, when we generalise our 5 or 15 or 25 experiences to entire goddamn population?

I get the idea.
We want to express that we’re hurt.
But it’s not just that, now is it?
We also want to comment that “there’s no hope at all”; because that bad trait is in “all of them”.
OK; so what’s the purpose here?
By re-registering that hopelessness to ourselves, who are we defeating?
Them? Or ourselves?
And who are we fooling, really, when we think voicing such opinions in front of strangers of the opposite gender will “send a message”?
Do we expect them to line up in queues and apologise and solve our relationship issues as penance?
Who are we kidding here, really?
When are we going to open our minds?
When are we going to introspect and try to explore what part of ourselves attracts the same experience repeatedly in our lives?
When are we going to accept that we are radios; and to change the station, we have to change our frequencies?

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#sexism #men #women #masculinism
#feminism #people #society #social #love #hate #relationship #marriage #married #life #breakup #divorce #gender #bias #prejudice #stereotype #generalise #psychology #counseling

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas

Yes. It’s better to be good.
If you know what being good means.
If you understand and accept it.
It’s about being logical in thought.
It’s about being rational in expression.
It’s about being reasonable in action.
If being good is a consciously explored, consciously defined and consciously implemented idea, then it has its perks.
It’s useful.
Especially when you lead with goodness, rather than follow the idea defined by someone else.

But there are many who denounce their own goodness.
They see it as an invitation to trouble.
They conclude it as a misfit trait in the skirmish of survival.
They offer their experiences to justify their conclusion.
They helped, which wasn’t reciprocated.
They showed mercy, which turned out to be a mistake.
They offered kindness, which was used against them.
They see it all as a weakness; probably because the rest of the world convinces them to see it so.
They see it as an excuse to shift to darker ways of life.
And the confusion turns to all-out oblivion when that choice works worse.

Dear old Charles Darwin told us long ago that it’s all about “survival of the fittest, elimination of the weak”.
He neither denounces goodness; nor praises wickedness.
It’s about being fit. Being strong.
What good people forget, is to be strong as well.
What good people miss, is to understand what strength means. They’re equal in this regard to the wicked ones.
Strength is logically smart arrangement of your assets.
Strength is a structure that helps one integrate all flows of energy and express potential at its best.
Strength is a setup of your assets that can generate a fluid mechanism for a continuum of growth.
It’s in thinking styles. It’s in physic. It’s in communication. It’s in how we do things.
It’s in what we do to ourselves that can show nature that we are eligible for survival.

When being strong becomes consciously undertaken active evolution in all walks of life, nature takes us out of categories like “good” and “bad”; and places us at the height of life, called “being capable”.
Being good is what we are.
Being strong is what we do to what we are.
We need that evolution. That move ahead.
No one affords stagnancy at a static position of existence.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#good #strong #strength #survival #life #positive #thought #think #success #growth #progress #competition #fight #goal #ambition #character #personality #development #understanding #knowledge #power #evolution #action #motivation #inspiration #capable

*एका रिलेशनशिपचं पुनरुत्थान!*

©अपूर्व विकास

प्रिय,

आज तुला “तू” न म्हणता “तुम्ही” म्हणणार आहे मी. हो, आदरार्थी! अन् स्वत:लाही “आम्ही” म्हणून संबोधायचंय मला.

का हे असं? Well…
आपला ब्रेक-अप झाल्यानंतर खूप काही शिकलोय आम्ही, रिलेशनशिपबद्दल. शिकण्याची ही संधी तुमच्यामुळे आमच्या आयुष्यात आली! आता कळतंय, वास्तविक एकमेकांच्या नादानपणाला किती सोशिकतेने सहन केलं आपण! खरंच कौतुक आहे आपलं! नाही, म्हणजे, भांडलोही आपण कचाकचा; पण न भांडता थंड आवाजात एकमेकांना ज्या डागण्या दिल्या, त्या आणखी जास्त जळजळीत होऊ शकल्या असत्या. पण नाही तेवढे पोचलो आपण. त्यावेळी नव्हतंच कळलं हे. म्हणूनच स्वत:बद्दल अन् तुमच्याबद्दल आदर जाणवतोय! आत्ता! हा आदर आज द्यायचाय आणि घ्यायचाय. नाही; तो आदर आधी नव्हता याचं शल्य नाही असं नाही; पण तो आता वेगळे झाल्यानंतर आलाय या विलक्षण सत्याला नाकारणार नाही आम्ही!

रिलेशनशिप!
प्रिय, आता उमजलंय की रिलेशनशिप ही एक स्पेस असते. आपण वेठीस नसते धरायची तिला. आपल्या आयुष्यातल्या आपल्याला भरून काढता न आलेल्या पोकळ्या दुसऱ्याने येऊन भरून काढल्या पाहिजेत, या अपेक्षेत होतो आपण! किती खुळचट होतं ते! या अपेक्षेच्या पूर्तीसाठी आपल्याला रिलेशनशिपची स्पेस आंदण म्हणून दिल्ये, अशा भ्रमात होतो आपण. असं नसतं…. हे शिकलोय आम्ही आता…!

स्वत:च्या व्यक्तिमत्वातल्या पोकळ्या आपल्या आपणच भरायच्या असतात. त्यासाठी स्वत्वाला जागवून विचार, आचार आणि उच्चार सजगतेने जिवंत करायचे असतात. त्या प्रयत्नांतून सक्षमतेची जी बुलंद बांधणी होते, जी सीस्टम डेवलप होते, ती अशाच दुसऱ्या एका सीस्टमशी एकजीव करणं, म्हणजे नातं! त्या सक्षमतेचं सेलिब्रेशन, म्हणजे रिलेशनशिप…. हे शिकलोय आम्ही आता….!

रिलेशनशिप हा रंगमंच नसतो.
नातं हे नाटक नसतं.
सहजीवन ही पटकथा नसते.
शेअरिंग हे नेपथ्य नसतं.
काहीही अगोदर आखून-रेखून ठेवता येत नसतं. तसं केलं तर फसतो आपण.
आपल्या मेंदूत, आयुष्यभर पाहिलेले सिनेमे नि कादंबऱ्या नि टी व्ही सीरिअल्स आणि इतरांच्या स्टोऱ्यांनी जे ओतून ठेवलेलं असतं, त्यानुसार वयाच्या बाराव्या वर्षापासून आपण काही ड्रामे आखून ठेवतो. रिलेशनशिप सुरू झाली, की समोरच्या व्यक्तीने आपल्या इच्छेनुसार आपल्या ड्राम्यातले रोल्स, भूमिका वठवत बसलं पाहीजे, अशा अपेक्षेत येतात माणसं. आपणही त्यातलेच. असं नसतं. हे शिकलोय आम्ही आता….!

“माझं हक्काचं माणूस” या संकल्पनेत, स्वत:च्या असुरक्षिततेच्या साखळीने दुसऱ्याला बांधून ठेवण्याचं कपट किती बेमालूम लपवता येतं, ते शिकलोय आम्ही आता…!

नातं हे आपण समोरच्यासाठी आखलेल्या भूमिकांशी नसतं. नातं हे त्या व्यक्तीशी असतं. तिच्या नैसर्गिक व्यक्तिस्वातंत्र्याशी असतं. त्यात सहजता असते. आयुष्याला घडवताना बाहेरच्या दुनियेशी शंभर लढे लढून आल्यावर, अशी एक स्पेस हवी असते; जिथे आपण जसे आहोत तसं आपल्याला स्वीकारलं जाणं होऊ शकेल. आणि हे जसं आपल्याला हवंय, तसंच आपण समोरच्यालाही देता यायला हवंय, हे समजून घ्यायचं असतं. हे शिकलोय आम्ही आता….!

आपण किती सहजतेने स्वत:च्या अचिवमेन्ट्सची एकमेकांशी वेड्यासारखी तुलना करत बसायचो! “माझं calibre”, “माझं potential”, “माझा independence”, “माझ्या ambitions”, एकमेकांना ऐकवायचो! त्यात “तुझ्याबरोबर मी असणं, म्हणजे तुझ्यावर उपकार असणं”, हे एकमेकांपर्यंत पोचायला हवं असायचं. कचकड्याच्या कॉर्पोरेटधार्जिण्या मॉडर्न lifestyle मध्ये अडकलेले आपण दोघं! चंगळ आणि उपभोग, यालाच आयुष्य समजत होतो. अॉफिसमध्ये टीम “lead” करणारे आपण, स्वत:च्या आयुष्यात फक्त चंगळवादाचे “followers” झालो होतो. खरंतर दोघंही स्वत्वहीन; पण गप्पा मात्र “स्वाभिमाना”च्या! प्रत्येकाचे पाय मातीचेच असतात, त्यात आपलेही आलेच; हे एकमेकांपासून लपवत होतो. तुमच्या फोनवरचा आमच्यापासून लपवलेला तो “त्या” व्यक्तीचा मेसेज काय; किंवा आम्ही कामासाठी दिल्लीला गेलो असताना एक दिवस स्टे का वाढवला ते तुमच्यापासून आम्ही लपवणं काय… वाहावत जाणारे आपण, “तुझे आहे तुजपाशी, परि तू जागा चुकलासि”, हे विसरत होतो. त्याचा अर्थ नव्याने शिकलोय आम्ही आता…!

तुमची आठवण येते?
हो. रोज.
भेटावसं वाटतं?
हो. रोज.
भेटायचं का?
आम्ही विचारतोय. उगाच boldness वगैरे नाही दाखवायचाय.
हे असं विचारायचं कारण हेच, की-
एकदा सुरू झालेलं पूर्णत्वापर्यंत पोचू शकलं नाही; म्हणून ते संपवलं जातं. संपवलं गेलंही.
ठीक आहे.
पण दुसरं, वेगळं, नवं सुरू करता येऊ शकतं, हे शिकून घेतलंय आता!
बदलाची तयारी असेल;
बदल सुरू असेल;
आणि,
समोरची व्यक्तीही बदलासाठी तयार असेल, आणि तिच्या त्या क्षमतेचा स्वीकार करण्याची क्षमता जर आपल्यात असेल;
तर पूर्णत: नव्याने उत्क्रांत झालेले दोन शक्तिस्रोत पुनश्च नवं सृजन करू शकतात;
पुन्हा घडवू शकतात;
परत सजू शकतात.
शक्यतांना नेहमी होच म्हणायचं असतं, हे शिकलोय आम्ही आता…!

कॉलेजबाहेरच्या टपरीचा चहा आपण शेवटचा घेतला त्याला आठ वर्षं झाली.
परत घ्यायचा मूड झालाय.
येताय?

तुमचेच, पण नवे,
आम्ही.

– *समुपदेशक अपूर्व विकास*
(निगडी, पुणे)
© Apoorv Vikas

8928183848
7774917184 (WhatsApp)
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#मराठी #मानसशास्त्र #वैचारिक #प्रेम #तो #ती #love #relationship #romance #boyfriend #girlfriend #breakup #marriage #divorce #understanding #maturity #live_in #sex #counseling #positive #think #feeling #emotion

© Apoorv Vikas

Good inventions are when you give people what they want.

Great inventions are when people change their minds and leave what they usual want; and wait in queues to have what you offer.

When they invented Television, many thinkers of the time ridiculed the idea. They thought, who would want to sit in front of that box and watch tiny little people moving around, after a hard day at work?
And yet, we all know what happened.

Remember that there will be times when people won’t stop at humiliation.
They’ll notch it up and actively try to bring what you offer down to the ground, so that they can trash it with their kicks.
The trick is to anticipate it.
Know it will happen.
And be prepared for it.
The trick is to never give them what they think they want; but give them what will appeal to their unconscious drives.

Facebook.
We didn’t know we wanted it.
Turns out we all had an unconscious drive to escape to a virtual social space which can trap us. We later developed the want to be trapped; because we saw the selfies and likes and comments we get make us feel nice; we learned that later. It all caters to the constant demand we have to get approved, appreciated, admired.

That’s invention.
It appeals to the core drives of human mind. Identify what those drives are. Know people first; you’ll know what to invent.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

8928183848

7774917184

#success #growth #vision #goal #dream #ambition #invention #creative #entrepreneur #business #corporate #new #win #competition #legend #marketing #social #people #mind #think #different #out_of_the_box #want #desire #need #demand #supply

© Apoorv Vikas

#I_Love_You

Most of us want to hear it.
Is it a demand, for some?
Why?
Most of us want to say it.
Is it a compulsion, for some?
Why?
Most of us want to dream about it.
Is it an escape from reality, for some?
Why?

Sure, love exists.
The very fact that things exist as structured creations prove that love exists.
Order, structure, composure, are results of someone loving the idea of creation.

A relationship is a creation.
We want that creation in our lives.
We, individually, are systems.
And we want systems to merge, fuse, become one. We call that sense “love”.

The question is, when and where does it shift from being a “welcome desire” to becoming a “compulsive need”?
Yes, “need”; because we aren’t just talking about cohabitation. We’re talking about demands of continuous receipts of approval, appreciation, admiration from someone else. We’re talking about observed disturbances in personalities when these needs aren’t met.

There’s a stark difference between two uniquely identifiable and individually strong personalities merging into one to celebrate the valence of their fused strengths;
and two people haphazardly grabbing onto handholds in each other’s personas to hold on to them, desperate and needy, reacting more to the anxiety of loneliness than the joys of togetherness.

What do people love?
The companionship?
Or the assumed ownership?
Is that why some of us keep demanding it? Is that also why some of us keep avoiding it, afraid of what it did to them last time they tried to fulfil someone else’s demands?
Is that why, together, most of us misidentify with it?

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas

(Nigdi Pune India)

8928183848 / 7774917184
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#love #relationship #emotion #feeling #attraction #couple #boyfriend #girlfriend #husband #wife #sex #marriage #dating #live_in #breakup #divorce #hurt #guy #girl #he #she #togetherness #partner #life #romance #counseling #affair #ex #dependency

*प्रतिस्पर्धीत्वाचं जीवनशास्र*
– © अपूर्व विकास

चढाओढ आहे म्हणताय?
स्पर्धा?
तुमच्यात आणि त्यांच्यात?
छान.
स्पर्धेतून उत्क्रांती होते जीवांची.

ते हसतायत तुमच्यावर?
वेडावून दाखवतायत?
कमेन्ट्स पडतायत?
तुमच्यावर विनोद करून टाळ्या दिल्या-घेतल्या जातायत?
तुम्हाला जोखलं जातंय?
ते मोजत नि मापत बसलेत तुम्हाला?
सतत समीक्षकाच्या भूमिका तत्परतेने बजावल्या जातायत?

सुंदर.

या सगळ्या तिरस्कारासाठी ऊर्जा लागते.
या सगळ्या क्रियांसाठी ऊर्जा लागते.
आणि वेळ द्यावा लागतो. समीक्षणासाठी कष्ट द्यावे लागतात.
महामूर्ख आहेत ते, जे त्यांची ऊर्जा, वेळ अन् कष्ट वाया घालवतायत; तुमच्यासाठी.
त्यांना अक्कल असती तर हेच सगळं स्वत:वर केन्द्रीत केलं असतं त्यांनी.
माणूस एकतर घडवू शकतो किंवा विघटन करू शकतो.
एकाच वेळी दोन्ही जमत नसतं.
काळजी नसावी; ते तुमचा घात करत नाहीयेत. स्वत:चा करतायत.
चुकीच्या दिशेतल्या एकाग्रतेने.
विवेकशून्य लक्ष देण्याने.
अर्थहीन कष्टाने.

ते उपयोगी पडतायत तुम्हाला.
ते तुम्हाला उपयोगात आणता येऊ शकेल अशी माहिती देतायत, तुमच्याचबद्दल.
त्यांचं समीक्षण तुम्हाला आपल्यातल्या कमतरतांबद्दल जागृत करतंय. ज्याची तुम्हाला गरज आहे; पुढील लक्ष्य ठरवण्यासाठी.
त्यांचं जळकट मत्सरी विनोद करणं ही तुमच्या सक्षम जागांची पावती आहे. ज्याचीही तुम्हाला गरज आहे; कारण आपल्यातलं काय आता छान जमून आलंय ते इथे समजतं; त्याची काळजी घेऊन त्याला पुढे नेण्यासाठी.
मजा हीच की, हे मौल्यवान ज्ञान तुम्हाला मोफत मिळतंय!

तुमच्या विजयाची पायाभरणी तुमच्यासहीत तेही करतायत.
आणि तेही स्वत:च्या स्वत्वहीन पराभवाच्या पोकळीत राहून!
मग करू द्या की त्यांना तसं!

आणि हो – त्यांच्या गर्विष्ठ आत्मस्तुतीची स्तोत्रं जरूर ऐका.
प्रतिस्पर्ध्यांच्या शक्तीस्थानांबद्दल आधीच माहिती मिळणं, ही मोठी सुंदर गोष्ट;
पण त्याच आत्मस्तुतीतल्या राहून गेलेल्या पोकळ जागा त्यांच्या अशक्तस्थानांबद्दलही माहिती देतात.
त्यासारखी उपयोगाची गोष्ट दुसरी नव्हे!

तयारी चालू ठेवा.
यश तुमचं आहे.

– समुपदेशक अपूर्व विकास
(निगडी, पुणे)

8928183848

7774917184 (WhatsApp)

© Apoorv Vikas

-Counselor Apoorv Vikas

facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#मराठी #लेख #मानसशास्त्र #सकारात्मक #विचार #वैचारिक #यश #विजय #विजेता #आत्मविश्वास #प्रतिस्पर्धी #स्पर्धा #मत्सर #marathi #article #psychology #success #growth #win #competition #critic #criticism #judge #jealous

© Apoorv Vikas

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas

Is it a competition?
Between you and them?
Good.
Competitions make us better ourselves.

Are they laughing?
Are they judging?
Are they mocking?
Are they criticising?
Good.

They are wasting their time and energy and effort on you; when they could’ve invested the same in their own betterment.

One can either construct oneself or destroy oneself. One can’t do both at the same time.
No, they aren’t destroying you.
They are destroying themselves.
By misplaced focus.
By misplaced attention.
By misdirected energy.

They provide you with valuable data.
Their criticism lets you know where your weaknesses exist.
Their jealous mockery lets you know where your strengths exist.

The beauty is that they let you have it all free of cost.
And they make sure you will win.
Because they are making sure they will lose.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#success #competition #focus #effort #attention #energy #motivation #inspiration #mock #judgement #judging #judge #critic #criticise #jealous #opponent #fight #hate #betterment #improve #progress #win #winner #weakness #strength #potential #counseling #coaching

There’s a reason behind it.
A reason why they want to control her.
Everything about her.
Her thinking.
Her attitude.
Her behavior.
Her clothing.
Her partner.
Her life and its boundaries.

It’s not fear; for that would mean she scares them. She doesn’t.
It’s insecurity. They choose to be scared of her. It’s the other way around.
Scared of what she might do to them, given the chance. Given the chance of rebelling, once, against thousands of years of irrationality and oppression and suffocation and exploitation.

And it’s about profit as well.
They are aware of her capacities.
They’ve been watching her since millennia, as she cooks and cleans and raises children, with breath-taking efficiency. They’ve been watching her continue to do it all, even when she is left unappreciated and unrewarded and ignored and invalidated.
They know, if controlled, they can profit a lot from those capacities.
Basically it’s her ability to be a mute survivor that appeals to them.
They take it for granted she won’t rebel.
And if she ever did, they have well-established systems to cut her out of the society and declare her a witch and burn her, either literarily or figuratively.

She is such a big problem when she says no to it! Because when she resists, she is such a “bitch”, “whore”, “broad”, who commits such a “sin” by not being the “good girl”, “good woman”, and, oh, that brings down the entire society : turns out the society is standing on the shoulders of her agreement to her exploitation.

There’s a way out of this.
The trick is to never be in it, in the first place.
The trick is to never fall prey to the compulsive needs of being part of something for shelter and protection, as demanded by society.
She desires to be with someone; but it isn’t a strict need for her anymore.
She has begun to realise that, off late.
She has begun to be and think and act independently, unexpectedly, right from the get go; and reach out to strengths within herself that place her above everything and everyone; where she can be the North Star; unflinching and secure; stable; unconquerable.

It makes them more insecure.
She is learning to laugh at it these days from her self-secured domain of self-assured independency.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv
counselorapoorv.home.blog

#she #female #her #feminism #girl #woman #independent #freedom #individualism #growth #positive #attitude #abuse #social #exploitation #oppression #violence #marriage #relationship #insecure #control #empowerment #strength #counseling #self_help #victim #wedding #choice #surreal

“मला यशस्वी व्हायचंय”
– समुपदेशक अपूर्व विकास
© Apoorv Vikas

– “मला मोठं व्हायचंय.”
– “एकदाही न मरता जगत राहा. होशील.”
– “तसं नाही. ते वयाने झालं.”
– “दुसरं कसलं मोठेपण असतं?”
– “कर्तृत्वाचं. मला कर्तबगारी दाखवायचीये.”
– “थांबवलंय कुणी?”
– “मीच. स्वत:ला.”
– “कळतंय ना? अर्धी लढाई जिंकलीस.”
– “पुढची अर्धी जिंकायचीये.”
– “थांबवलंय कुणी?”
– “अक्कल आलीये. ती क्रियेत उतरत नाहीये.”
– “मग अक्कल आली नाहीच समज.”
– “का?”
– “जी क्रियेत उतरवता येत नाही, ती अक्कल नव्हे.”
– “मनात negative विचार येतात सारखे.”
– “अक्कल, बुद्धी, विवेक आणि व्यवहार सुसूत्र नसल्याचा हा परिणाम.”
– “माझं काय चुकतंय?”
– “चुकण्याआधी तू केलंयस काय?”
– “एक – भरपूर पुस्तकं वाचलीयेत, self help ची. दोन – positive thinking सुरू केलंय.”
– “हेच चुकतंय.”
– “म्हणजे?”
– “पुस्तकं वाचलीस. पण विचार घेतलेस?”
– “पुस्तकंच आपल्याला विचार देतात ना?”
– “हे अडाणचोट सुविचार विसर आधी.”
– “अरे…? पुस्तकं वाचू नयेत का?”
– “वाचावीतच. शब्दात रचलेले विचार मनात सांडताना उडणारे वैचारिक तुषार अलगद झेलावेत. मोठा सुंदर अनुभव. नक्कीच घ्यावा.”
– “मग?”
– “जे मनात सांडतंय ते वापरायचंय. त्यासाठी मुळात ते साठवायला नको?”
– “हवं.”
– “साठवायला बालदी आपली न्यावी लागते. विवेकाची बालदी. ती कुठाय?”
– “कशासाठी? थोरांचे विचार आहेत ना?”
– ” पण ते आपल्या अकलेत बसवायचेत; त्याचं काय?”
– “हे कशासाठी?”
– “विचारांचा वापर आपल्या आयुष्याच्या अंगणात होणार असतो; थोरांच्या नाही. त्यांचं झालंय.”
– “बरं; मग?”
– “विचार download करण्याआधी ते आपल्या system शी compatible करावे लागतात.”
– “म्हणजे विचार जसेच्या तसे उचलता येत नाहीत, असं का?”
– “उचलता येतात. पण वापरता येत नाहीत. म्हणून हे.”
– “आणि काय करावं यासाठी?”
– “शहाणपण कशाने येतं?”
– “विचाराने…?”
– “नाही. विचार व्यवहारात आणल्याने.”
– “ते कसं?”
– “समजून घेतलेलं आचरणात आणल्यावर आयुष्याकडून जी प्रतिक्रिया मिळते, तिला अनुभव म्हणतात. शहाणपण त्याने येतं.”
– “म्हणजे जे विवेकाने साठवलंय ते वापरून पाहायला हवं.”
– “अर्थातच. Output तपासण्यासाठी. मनात बांधलेल्या विचारांचा अपेक्षित फायदा, आणि प्रत्यक्ष अनुभव, यात तफावत राहते का, हे तपासलं गेलंच पाहीजे.”
– “बरं.”
– “गणितं स्वत: करून पाहावी लागतात. नुसती वाचून गेलं तर आयुष्य तत्काळ परीक्षेत नापास करतं; त्याची किंमत मोठी असते.”
– “पण अशी तफावत सापडली तर त्याने भरलेली बालदी रिकामी झाल्यासारखं वाटेल.”
– “तशी ती झालीच पाहीजे. तरच नव्याने भरता येईल.”
– “का परत भरायची?”
– “बालदी लहान असते. एका बालदीत अनुभवाची टाकी भरत नसते. बालदी परत परत भरून टाकीत ओतावी लागते.”
– “म्हणजे विचारांचा फायदा-तोटा जोखण्यासाठी पुन:पुन्हा trial and error करणं आलं.”
– “त्यासाठी patience हवा. विचार समृद्धी अनुभवानंतरची; आधीची नव्हे.”
– “मान्य. विचार प्रत्यक्ष क्रियेत वापरून पाहिल्याशिवाय शिक्षण नाही.”
– “जमणार आहे?”
– “अं… हो; तसा मी positive आहे. मी म्हटलं ना.”
– “म्हणजे नक्की काय रे?”
– “म्हणजे मी मला जे हवंय ते मला मिळालंय, अशा मानसप्रतिमा पाहतो; अन्…”
– “आणि मग माझ्या subconscious मनाची नऊ पट जास्त पॉवरबाज शक्ती विश्वाच्या घशात हात घालून मला हवं ते देईल; असंच ना?”
– “तुझा विश्वास नाही? हे असलं काही कामाचं नसतं म्हणतोस?”
– “असतं ना राजा. जरूर असतं.”
– “पण?”
– “पण त्या अचेतनात घुसण्याआधी सचेतनातली आपली व्यावहारिकता चोख हवी, त्याचं काय?”
– “म्हणजे?”
– “बहुतेक लोकांना सकारात्मकता मनात आणता येत नाही; आलीच तर टिकवता येत नाही. का माहितीये?”
– “नाही. मीही त्यातलाच.”
– “कारण ‘मी गाडीत पेट्रोल भरल्याप्रमाणे आधी स्वत:ला फुल्ल positive करेन; आणि मग कामाला लागेन’, हा अनेकांचा निवांत खाक्या असतो. माणसं चुकतात, ती इथे.”
– “का?”
– “आत्मविश्वास आणि सकारात्मकता हे input नाही; output असतं; जे कष्टांशी समकालीन आणि समरूप असतं. Simultaneous and synchronous.”
– “मग कशी जोपासावी ही सकारात्मकता?”
– “सकारात्मकतेची आवर्तनं विचारातून कष्टात आणि कष्टातून विचारात, अशी होत जातात.”
– “विचार… आणि क्रिया.”
– “Positive Thinking ही मनातल्या मनात करायची गोष्टच नव्हे. ती अनुभवातून घडवण्याची एक निर्मिती आहे.”
– “हे नवीन आहे माझ्यासाठी. याची process कशी?”
– “सर्वप्रथम तर्कबुद्धीच्या कसोटीवर सजग अन् सावध वास्तवात राहून उद्दिष्टं शब्दबद्ध करावीत.”
– “बरं.”
– “सृजनाची सुरुवात ‘एक’पासून नाही; ‘शून्य’पासून होते. काहीच नसणं ही अडचण नाही; सृजनाची संधी असते.”
– “Noted.”
– “सुरुवातीला भावना बाजूला ठेवून, फक्त गणिती हिशेबांवर आधारित काम करून, फक्त तेवढा ‘एक’ आज मिळवावा. ते आजचं यश. माफक. मर्यादित. पण सत्य यश.”
– “OK.”
– “तो एक मिळवण्यासाठी काय करावं लागलं, ते लक्षात ठेवावं. उद्या त्याची पुनरावृत्ती.”
– “बरं.”
– “पुनरावृत्ती रोज होईल; फक्त प्रत्येक दिवशी आदल्या दिवसाच्या मिळकतीमध्ये आणखी ‘एक’ मिळवत जावं.”
– “छान.”
– “मागे वळून पाहीलं की तर्कशुद्ध गणितावर आधारित कडक शिस्तीचा कार्यभाव दिसेल; स्वत: घडवलेला मार्ग दिसेल; रोज स्वत:ची limits ओलांडून पुढे आलेली एक डांबिस पण तरीही सखोल अशी एक चमक नजरेत सामावू लागेल.”
– “आणि तोच सकारात्मकतेचा जन्म असेल. बरोबर?”
– “अर्थात. शिस्तबद्ध कष्टांतून येणारा feedback असते सकारात्मकता.”
– “Beautiful.”
– “आत्मविश्वास हवा; पण तो ढगातून येत नसतो. आत्मविश्वास ही आतल्या स्वत्वाची पावती असते.”
– “जी आपल्या कर्मयोगानंतर आपल्याला मिळते, असं ना?”
– “म्हणूनच कर्मयोगी हो. रोजचा ‘एक’ मिळवत जाताना स्वत:ला घडवत जाशील; उत्क्रांत होत जाशील; विचारधारा सबळ होतील; प्रवृत्ती सशक्त होईल; आणि त्या frequency शी संयुक्तिक यशदायी गोष्टी एक-एक करत साकारत जातील. यश बाहेर मिळत नसतं; ते आत घडवायचं असतं.”
– “सुंदर.”
– “जे आवडलंय त्यावर क्रिया कर. Get into action. Now.”

– समुपदेशक अपूर्व विकास
(निगडी, पुणे)
8928183848
7774917184 (WhatsApp)
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv
counselorapoorv.home.blog

© Apoorv Vikas
(लेख forward करताना लेखकाचं नाव व contact details सहित पाठवावा. विचार त्यांचे आहेत याचं भान ठेवावं. लेख edit करू नये; शब्द व वाक्य बदलू नयेत.)

#marathi #article #pune #counseling #success #growth #progress #positive #think #goal #objective #effort #self_help #power #mind #coaching #gain #achieve #मराठी #लेख #यश #प्रगती #सकारात्मक #विचार #कर्तबगारी #समुपदेशन #उद्दिष्ट #वृद्धी #अनुभव #आत्मविश्वास

There are strings.
They connect us.
People with people.
People with things.
People with demands and supplies.
People with desires and fulfillment.
They form a mesh. A net. A web.
These strings are vibrant.
They shift.
They expand the net.
They expand across dimensions of space and time, of human life.
They connect with more.
Some zones are of love and flourishing.
But not all.
Some are of power and exploitation.
Needs, identified and used.
Insecurities, cultivated and preyed upon.
People can be reduced to puppets.
Fear and lack of options assure that.
Strings can be pulled and shaken.
Puppets can be manipulated as wished.
It’s a useful game. Many wish to play it.
Because it profits. Exponentially.
But there’s a catch.
It isn’t a regular puppet show.
It’s a mesh, a net; remember?
Puppets aren’t the end of the string.
They are connected further.
With more strings. More puppets.
And being a net, it’s all ultimately connected back to you.
You shake the strings too much, and the ripple effect spreading across the net ultimately rounds back to you.
And many find themselves unprepared for that.
Greed, mistaken for ambition, blinds one to the necessity of control and patience.
Too great a power, and too loose a control, translates as miscalculated shake of the string.
It results in loss of stature and station, for you who threw the net.
And when you lose your footing, the net collapses over your head.
Trapping you. Crushing you.
Spiders don’t get stuck in their own webs.
People do.
The difference is, spiders see it as a means for food.
Humans see it as a game for fun.
It has its costs.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas

(Nigdi Pune India)

8928183848 / 7774917184
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#ambition #success #plan #think #calculation #people #net #web #mesh #network #power #control #manipulation #puppet #string #thread #exploit #harassment #use #advantage #profit #ethic #moral #professional #attitude #corporate #business #management #greed #growth #spiders #expansion

© Apoorv Vikas

Why do people decide to be scared of them?

Yes, it’s a decision that people make.

Why do people hate them?
Why do people sneer?
Why comment on them with sly smiles?
Why mock them?
Why use them for humor in TV and cinema?
Why abuse them online and assault them out on the street?

What fear do people try to hide, behind it all?
Is it more of an envy, rather than hate?
Is it because they exist freely?
Think independently?
Express boldly?
Act bravely?

Do we stop for one moment and acknowledge the sheer strength one needs to accept a distinct sexuality one has; accept it even when it’s expected to be oppressed, suppressed, denied by entire society; decide to appreciate that sexuality in one’s own space; reach out to others of same nature; break barriers; overcome dozens of obstacles; say no to living in submission to cruel social norms; brave a life that will always be judged and criticized and humiliated by thousands who have nothing better to do; and actually live the life of one’s own desire?

Or is it that people envy them because they’re aware of that strength and they hate it because they don’t have it?

Or is it simply that when you see a lesbian with her girlfriend, you know she has an access to breasts and thighs and vagina and you don’t? Makes you jealous? Or is it that the idea of a woman actually finding another woman’s body attractive feels like an insult to your manhood; a taunt to your self-concept; or perhaps an indication that you lack something a woman would want; and you think that’s why she hooks up with another woman? If that’s a gay with his boyfriend, is the root of your problem that he isn’t interested in your cleavage? In that case, whose problem is it, really?

People ask me if I’m one of them, since I support homosexuality. I say, no; it’s just that I’m straight enough to be comfortable while supporting homosexuality. You see; I don’t have latent homosexual tendencies that I want to suppress by refusing to acknowledge them; and further hate those tendencies publicly to prove it to myself that I don’t have them.

Do they injure you? Rob you? Steal from you? Invade your personal space? Force their ideas on you and make you obey? Do they pose a threat to national security? What’s the logical background for this hate? You want to say it’s abnormal because it’s unnatural? But then how come it’s nature only that places that specific sexuality in their brains? What right do we have to call it unnatural?

When are we going to realise that it’s not something one chooses; no, it’s something that nature develops in some brains and leaves them to deal with it? No – I don’t see them as candidates for any sympathy, for that’d mean seeing them as weak and troubled and hurt by nature; and that’s not the case at all. I see them as someones who can just… be, and it’s OK if they are there, out there or in my social circle or in my home.

Seriously. It’s OK. It can be.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#homo #lesbian #gay #bisexual

#homosexual #sex #sexuality #gender #transgender #LGBTQ #positive #empowerment #social #society #modern #enlighten #aware #hate #love #broadminded #homophobia #puberty #youth #counseling

We got masculinists.
We got feminists.

Masculinists are supposed to focus on empowerment of men.
Do they?

Feminists are supposed to focus on empowerment of women.
Do they?

A feminist wakes up in the morning.
Posts a bunch of “I hate men” posts on social media.
Likes a bunch of “I hate men” posts.
Goes back to sleep.

A masculinist, in turn, wakes up.
Reads those posts.
Mocks them. Laughs at them. Writes something nasty back against them.
Goes back to sleep.

I don’t get the idea.
What’s the plan? “We’ll keep hating them so that one day they’ll feel sorry and stop hurting us”?
Are you kidding me?

But they don’t change.
Everybody comes with a package of people who hurt them. Men have women; women have men. And both keep using that package to justify their victim states and their hatred for the other gender.
It never helps.

The cycle repeats, every day.
Nothing changes.

And nothing will, unless we get our heads out of the asses of our isms;
get introspective;
and actually appreciate the fact that empowerment will happen when we focus on ourselves;
use our past experiences as data;
identify what part of us makes it possible for people to hurt us;
improve that part;
strengthen that part;
kill the possibilities in our personalities that may lead to betrayal and abuse and pain and loss;
and commit to continued effort to better the self.
Empowerment is when we agree to be aware and conscious about the reasonability of belief systems we maintain; logical coherency in thoughts we have; rationale behind our actions; our decisions; and when we commit to change our beliefs and thought processes if they aren’t working for us.
Forget your biases and prejudices; stop stereotyping and overgeneralizing.
Have open minds.
Empowerment is when we accept that we are responsible for what happens to us next.
It’s always been, and always will be, OUR duty, INDIVIDUALISTIC, to ourselves.
We have to work on ourselves.
Those you hate (or told to hate) aren’t going to get a pang of guilt; they aren’t going to come to your rescue.

Liberate yourself.
Focus within.

Know that human race will have a future if and only if we stop overrating what’s hanging (or not) between our legs; and come forth as capable constructive adults with “personalities” rather than “sexes” who can work together; and build that future, as “Man and Woman, working as human beings”.

“Man versus woman” is just another war perpetrated by a clever few who have seen how “religion versus religion”, “race versus race” can benefit businesses; and they have calculated “gender versus gender” can be their greatest of profiteering machineries. Let’s not fall prey to this trap.

Let’s grow up.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#empowerment #strength #positive #thought #feminism #feminist #masculinism #hate #men #women #sexism #gender #bias #boyfriend #girlfriend #relationship #breakup #hurt #MeToo #abuse #harassment #exploit #victim #female #social #media #bully #prejudice #manipulation #trolling

There’s a Sanskrit saying for it.
Atiparichayaat Avadnyaa.
It literally means, “disrespect after too much familiarity”.
Most of us have that trait.
We do it to what we have.
Let it be anything.
Material stuff.
A computer. A phone.
A social position. A professional position.
A relationship.
Love.

Before we have it, we think it’s all we want.
We worship it.
We court it.
We strive for it.
We pour our souls into it.
We change into a whole different person, to be eligible for it.
We get what we want.
Few days go, in “honeymoon period”.
And then the bell curve starts it’s descent.

We take it for granted.
We assume its availability in life to be assured.
We think we need not be that improved person whom we became to be suitable to that availability.
We go back to what we were.
We loop back. We think it’s OK.

Words become too pointed and careless.
Replies become spontaneous reactions, instead of thought-out responses.
We start sprawling on the sofa; same as we start sprawling on the relationship.
Dinner dates aren’t kept.
Promises aren’t kept.
We think it’s OK.
We start taking the other person’s time, personal space, consent, feelings for granted.
We blame back, when the other person wants to talk.
We basically fade away from the frequency to which the niceties of the relationship were synced.
And life works like radio.
You change frequencies, you change what you get to hear.

Do we want to continue hearing love and joys and happiness and excitement and peace?
Do we understand that we need to maintain that frequency?
Do we realise it needs constant work?
Do we realise it’s a two-way street; that both need all four feet in it?

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#love #relationship #boyfriend #girlfriend #husband #wife #marriage #married #life #romance #sex #understanding #maturity #breakup #divorce #depression #couple #therapy #counseling #feeling #think #emotion #Adult #empathy #dating #trust

© Apoorv Vikas

How do we exist?

Is existence an acknowledgement of what’s sensed, observed, perceived?

Sure it is. To exist is to be something and someone others will notice.

But is that all about it?
No.

For there’s you.
Observing yourself.
Noticing what’s going on.
Acknowledging what’s happened and what’s happening.
Noting stimuli and responses.
Noting your personality building, changing, shifting.
Watching structures in you getting built and collapsed and replaced with new ones.

Know that you can control what you are and what you become.
Know that you do it even when you think it wasn’t yours to control.

People see you as what they think you are.
Most of them are too lazy to look deeper than the first exterior impression.
It doesn’t matter.
What matters is what they see is a fickle illusion of what you are, out of unconscious decisions you make to drive your personality. It’s a traffic of communication by unconscious signals we send and receive.

Bring everything into the conscious.
Bring everything into awareness.
Make conscious choices about where you want to take yourself; people will see the right thing about you when it gets genuinely installed in you.

You aren’t here to observe what happens to you;
You’re here to be what you want and rule what happens to you.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas

Nigdi Pune India

© Apoorv Vikas

8928183848

7774917184

facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#success #goal #personality #people #choice #social #conscious #unconscious #mind #progress #develop #improve #betterment #decision #perception #self #belief #thought #think #be #positive #control #expression #exist #strong #strength #empowerment #integrity #ambition #desire

© Apoorv Vikas

#Alpha

He leads; doesn’t follow.
Many have a problem with that.
He roars; doesn’t chat.
Many have a problem with that.
He commands; doesn’t obey.
Many have a problem with that.
He wins; doesn’t settle.
Many have a problem with that.

But the true reason why they hate him,
is different.
It’s not because he leads and commands.

It’s because he helps; like nobody can.
It’s because he protects; like nobody can.
It’s because he fights; like nobody can.
It’s because he empowers; like nobody can.

He is there. He is always there.
When the need arises.
When dangers threaten.
When peace is challenged.
When the wicked shriek in arrogance.

He provides a structure.
He provides a composure.
He provides a balance.
He generated an order.
He establishes sound rules and laws.
And he defends those laws.

He never bosses around; he leads.
He never bullies; he strengthens.
He never gloats; he shows ways.
Out of troubles.
Out of challenges.
He is rare. Unique.
Watch him; and you learn.
Listen to him; and you learn.
Observe him; he’s an embodiment of courage and strength and grit and dare and dedication and motivation and winning spirit.
He builds himself; so that he can build his surroundings.

They hate him; because they could never be him.
They have created isms to deconstruct him; defame him; mock him; defeat him.
His defeat, his fall feels like a triumph to them.

What the fools don’t understand, is this:
Monkeys can’t protect the jungle.
Lion does.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#male #lion #power #man #he #attitude #strength #courage #dare #win #leader #dedication #motivation #inspiration #protect #defend #fight #warrior #command #roar #help #empower #order #law #boss #masculine #challenge #construct #positive

©Apoorv Vikas

You can change any time, any place.

It doesn’t matter where you come from.
What matters is where you’re going.
It doesn’t matter what choices made the past.
What matters is what choices are making the future.
It doesn’t matter that you made mistakes.
What matters is what you learned out of those mistakes.
It doesn’t matter you aren’t where you wanted to be.
What matters is you can begin a new journey from wherever you are.
Life is a river.
Reality is a flow.
Things can be done to that river.
You can divert the flow and change the destination.
You can build canals and invest in multiple flows of life.
You can build dams to increase the potential, wait for the right opportunity and explode with great power when the opportunity presents itself.
Remember that you’re in control.
This is your game.
Play it on your terms.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

#life #living #goal #objective #success #motivation #inspiration #leadership #decision #past #present #future #effort #reality #empowerment #growth #development #career #job #business #profession #counseling #selfhelp

*The Third Option*
©Apoorv Vikas

I’ve seen believers.
They demand everybody must believe.
I’ve seen Atheists.
They demand nobody should believe.

The believers talk less about God’s goodness; and more about non-believers’ wickedness.
The atheists talk less about being forward; and more about why believers are backward.

Everybody wants to talk.
Nobody wants to listen.
Everybody wants to declare truth.
Nobody wants to explore reality.
Everybody is scared.
Nobody is at peace.
Our thinkers have turned into agents of isms.
Our philosophers have shifted into marketeers for propaganda.

Dear pathfinder,
When fools offer two options,
You select the third one:
The option of exploring things on your own.
The option of unearthing truth hidden behind perceptions.
The option of looking within; not outside.
The option of remaining true to the spirit of being human.
The option of setting course on a journey to find the self.

Reality is never what they paint it to be.
It takes efforts to explore.
It takes guts to say yes to effort.
Few have that grit.
Most agree to succumb to the comforts of isms. Isms save you the troubles of finding yourself. Give you an identity. Cost? You lose yourself. You become a listless one among the crowd. Don’t.

Do not waste your time and energy with philosophies written by others. Or mythologies scripted by clever men. Or propaganda developed to benefit few.
The world is mere illusion; have no faith in it.
But do trust yourself.
You can do it. You can explore.
Be your own guide.
Find what you want.
Let it grow in you.
Your truth shall be what you let take root inside you.
Be a human.
Be yourself.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas

(Nigdi, Pune India)

facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

©Apoorv Vikas

#faith #religion #god #atheist #atheism #belief #culture #tradition #propaganda #explore #self #truth #reality #hindu #islam #christian #ism #journey #philosophy #mythology #trust #thought #mind #selfism

Turns out what felt sweet didn’t work sweet.
We thought it will.
Those who taught us, also thought it would.
But it didn’t.
It was all good stuff.
Thoughts and ideas offered by elders;
all sound and humble and nice;
preachings of goodness and character;
passing from generation to generation.
Turns out Nature doesn’t care what’s good.
Turns out Nature cares only for what’s useful.
And what’s useful changes according to what times we live in.
Turns out wisdom has no universality to it.
That might as well be the only universality it has ever had.
Things vary.
They keep changing subjectively as well as contextually.
Structures are composed and used and get worn out and collapsed and replaced.
Unknown becomes known.
Awareness levels shift.
New needs arise.
New angles are studied; new observations of same old come to light; new definitions are made for what was once established; for what people thought they were done studying.
Time is the only significant thing in life; because it changes significance of things as it moves on.
It changes relations and bonds and mechanisms. Of things and things. Of people and people. Of things and people.
Of society and individual.
Survival asks for fluidity of existence.
Continuation asks for continuous adaptation.
There’s always a constant search for usability.
Search for what’s new and useful;
search for how to be new and useful.
And that’s why, good thoughts aren’t enough.
Not in the practicality of life.
What one demands, what one needs, is what’s useful.
So that it can implemented and its results can take us further.
It’s all about reaching out to strength, where being good can have practical meaning.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv
counselorapoorv.home.blog

#positive #thought #new #growth #success #develop #progress #life #survival #adapt #good #use #useful #tool #thinking #mechanism #social #individual #leader #practical #real #truth #structure #change #wisdom #awareness #significance #explore #usability #implement

“माझ्या चांगुलपणाला नियतीची साथ का नाही?” असं वाटणाऱ्या आपल्या सर्वांसाठी !
©अपूर्व विकास

काही माणसांमध्ये एक रोपटं असतं…
रोपटं साखरेसारखं गोड असतं;
रोपट्यात खूपच प्रेम असतं;
रोपट्यात वृक्ष होण्याचं बळ असतं;
झाला वृक्ष तर प्रेमाच्या सावलीचं निरुपण असतं;
सकारात्मकतेचं आंदण असतं;
मदतीचं घाऊक देणं असतं;
चांगुलपणाचं खूप सारं पाझरणं असतं…
पण नियतीला घेणं नसतं!!!

कारण रोपटं हे रोपटं असतं;
अन् ते छोटं असतं;
अन् ते कमकुवत असतं;
अन् कुवत नसलेलं कमवत नसतं;
अन् जे कमवत नाही ते जगवलं जात नसतं!!!

पण मग चांगलं देण्याचं रोपट्याच्याच मनात असतं;
त्याला चांगलं देण्यातच जीवन दिसत असतं;
अन् जिवंत राहण्यासाठी गरजेचं नसलं तरी जगण्यासाठी ते अख्ख्या दुनियेला हवं असतं;
म्हणून रोपटं जगणं अत्यावश्यक असतं!!!

जगण्यासाठी रोपट्याला पाणी हवं असतं;
पाणी द्यायचं दुनियेच्या मनात नसतं;
मग जगायचं कसं ते कळत नसतं…
कळत नसतं कारण रोपट्यात भावना असते;
भावना पुर्वापार भाबडीच राहिलेली असते;
भाबड्या भावनेला तर्काची साथ नसते;
अन् वेडी भावना पाणी दुसऱ्याकडे मागत असते!!!

समस्या सुटत तर्काने असते;
तर्काला विचाराची साथ असते;
वाट तर्कशूद्ध विचारातूनच जात असते;
पाण्याची नदी रोपट्याखालच्या जमिनीतच मिळून जाते!!
फक्त बाहेरची नजर आत वळवायची असते;
फांद्या वर वाढण्याआधी मुळं खाली विस्तारण्याची गरज असते;

प्रेमस्वरूप होतानाच शक्तीस्वरूपही होता येणं हवं असतं;

आतल्या पाण्यापर्यंत पोचता आलं की “पाणी देशील का” हे बाहेर विचारायची गरज संपते;
स्वत्वाच्या पाण्यावर तरारलेल्या रोपट्यात सात्विक असण्याबरोबर समर्थ असण्याचीही पहचान असते;
पूर्णत्वाची सावली या वटवृक्षालाच जमू शकते;
वटवृक्षालाच जमू शकते…!

– समुपदेशक अपूर्व विकास
(निगडी (पुणे) येथे क्लिनिक)
मन:स्वास्थ्य आणि सबळता

7774917184

8928183848

facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

©Apoorv Vikas

#marathi #article #help #self #positive #think #feel #counseling #counselor #thought #motivation #inspiration #growth #love #empathy #emotion #मराठी #भावना #वैचारिक #ललित #लेख #समुपदेशन #प्रेम #संदेश #शक्ती #ऊर्जा #जीवन

We are Ronin.
We are Samurai without masters.
Never had a godfather.
Never had a mentor.
We weren’t neighbors or relatives with great thinkers.
Never had tutors willing to impart wisdom; full of rich lessons of life that could school us before we stepped out in the world.
Tests came, before lessons were taught.
We were tossed into the unknown; left and forgotten to fetch for ourselves.
Learning came to us with a cost.
A cost full of pain and loss and sorrows and insults and humiliation and betrayal and wounds that never stop bleeding.
We made mistakes.
Some small and innocent.
Some big and unpardonable.
We learned that, for nature, being ignorant is the biggest of all crimes.
For which we got punished. Repeatedly.

But we are here.
We are alive.
We are breathing.
We still feel. And think.
We are aware. We are conscious.
We came so far.
We know how to live with a load of hundreds of defeats.
We are living our pains.
And we still go forward.
We still reach out.
We try to connect. To a future.
We are warriors. We fight.
By moving ahead, we fight.
By continuing to fight a war even when today’s battle is lost, we show what we are.

We need not have a master.
We have experience. A past full of what went wrong, that tells us what can go wrong today; which helps us build the right future.
We use our mistakes.
They talk to us. And we listen.
By being aware of what happens and how it happens, we learn what we need.
That awareness, that consciousness, is our weapon.
We fight.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

©Apoorv Vikas

#ronin #samurai #warrior #success #spirit #resilience #never_give_up #courage #motivation #inspiration #self #confidence #dedication #determination #past #future #goal #learn #life #skill #fight #challenge #leadership #win #effort #commitment #gains #war #focus #positive

To know, is to be.
To act, is to live.

Knowledge is power.
To know is to add to the potential.
To know is to add to the volume of personality.

Action is the key to unlock that potential.
True learning is in experience.
Thoughts, alone, do not teach.
They have to be implemented.
Experience is in acting out ideas and observing the effect.
Outcome of an action teaches us about its usability.
We check the errors; and we can adapt.
We can fine-tune those ideas further.
We can reach accuracy and precision.
We can have multiple iterations of implementations.
Results give us further ideas; so that we can test those.
That process eventually results in success.

It’s a continuum of a cycle.
To add new and to implement new.
Ideas and actions complement each other.
Life is in that progress.

– Counselor Apoorv Vikas
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

©Apoorv Vikas

#success #growth #goal #objective #motivation #inspiration #life #result #win #progress #improve #better #positive #know #action #knowledge #power #personality #development #potential #learn #experience #thought #adapt #idea #implement #accuracy #precision #process #new

रिलेशनशिप
– ©अपूर्व विकास

“… मम्मी, तू आणि बाबाने इंपॉसिबल अडचणी असताना त्या काळात love marriage केलंत… गेली बत्तीस वर्षं संसार सक्सेसफुल केलात… आमच्या पिढीला का गं जमत नाहीये हे?” तिशीची लेक हातातला फोन टेबलवर आपटत म्हणाली. चार वर्षं मज्जेत बॉयफ्रेन्ड असलेल्याचा आठ महिन्यांपुर्वी हजबन्ड झाल्यानंतरचा हा राग होता.

“प्रश्न विचारलायस,” पंचावन्नची आई त्या फोनला पडलेल्या चऱ्यांकडे पाहत शांत आवाजात म्हणाली; “उत्तर हवंय, का ‘हो न गं, खरंच की न गं’ म्हणून प्रश्नाला गोंजारायला हवंय?”

“उत्तर हवंय”, लेक म्हणाली. आई दुसऱ्या अॉप्शनला भीक घालत नाही हे तिला माहीत होतं.

“कसंय न बाळा,” आई सहजच म्हणाली;

“आम्ही ‘कसं जमवता येईल’ ते शोधत होतो; तुम्ही ‘जमलं तर पाहू’ म्हणताय.

“आमच्या वेळी प्रेम हे व्हायचं; तुमच्या काळात ते केलं जातं.

“आम्ही साथीदार व्हायचो; तुम्ही पार्टनर बनवता.

“आमच्यात प्रेम ही सहजता होती; तुमच्यात तो अट्टहास झालाय.

“आमचं प्रेम लहानाचं मोठं व्हायचं; तुमचं प्रेम लहानपणीच घाई करतं.

“आमच्या वेळी मैत्री विश्वासात रुपांतरीत व्हायची; तुम्ही जवळिकीला रिलेशनशिपचा बोर्ड लटकवण्याची घाई करताय.

“आम्ही कविता लिहायचो; तुम्ही त्या फॉरवर्ड करताय.

“आमचे जीवनसाथी होते; तुमचे बॉयफ्रेन्ड नि गर्लफ्रेन्ड आहेत.

“आमचं प्रेम आमच्यासाठी होतं; तुमचं प्रेम ‘सगळ्या फ्रेन्ड्सचा बॉयफ्रेन्ड आहे मग माझाही असलाच पाहीजे’, म्हणून केलं जातंय.

“आमचे बॉयफ्रेन्ड नव्हते; कारण जो आहे तो फ्रेन्ड असण्याच्या खूप पुढे गेलाय, हे आम्हाला स्पष्ट जाणवायचं. तुमच्यात इन्स्टाग्रामवर अकाउंट असलंच पाहीजे तसा बॉयफ्रेन्डही असलाच पाहीजे, असंय.

“आम्ही गिफ्ट नव्हे तर स्वत:लाच समर्पित करायचो; तुमच्या गळाभेटीतही भेट कितीची आणली असेल याची कैलक्युलेशन्स असतात.

“आम्ही धुंद होतो; तुम्ही उधळलेले आहात.

“आम्ही चेहऱ्यावरचं तेज शोधायचो; तुम्ही शर्टचा ब्रान्ड पाहताय.

“आम्हाला नजरेतली समजदार चमक भाळायची; तुम्हाला गॉगलच्या किमती भुरळ घालतायत.

“आमच्या शरीरांना पेशन्स मंजूर होता; तुमच्या मनालाच तो नकोय.”

…”बाळा; जमणं – न जमणं हे क्षमतेवर अवलंबून असतं. क्षमता डेवलप करायची असते. आम्ही दोन सक्षम जीवांच्या सक्षमतेचा परिणाम म्हणून प्रेमात येत होतो; तुम्ही ओढवून घेतलेल्या अपंगत्वाचा दुसऱ्याने येऊन ऊद्धार करावा, म्हणून प्रेम डिक्लेअर करण्याचा उतावळेपणा करताय. आम्ही प्रेम या शब्दाच्या अंकित होतो; तुम्ही त्याला तुमच्यातल्या असुरक्षिततेपोटी वेठीस धरताय.”

“पण मग मम्मी, मी करू काय?”

आई हसली. म्हणाली, “जे करिअरसाठी करतेस तेच. स्वत:ला वाढवणं. स्वत:ला डेवलप करणं. आयुष्यात जे करतेस ते गरजांच्या भीतीपोटी केलंस तर हरशील. जे करतेस ते स्वत:च्या काबिल व्यक्तिमत्वाचं एक एक्स्प्रेशन, एक रिफ्लेक्शन, एक प्रतिबिंब म्हणून केलंस, तर जिंकशील…

… जा. आधी स्वत:वर फोकस कर. आपली जागा भक्कम कर. विचाराने. विवेकाने. मान्य आहे, भावनाप्रधान असतो आपण; पण भावना बुद्धीने हाताळता येतात. त्या आल्या, बदाबदा कोसळल्या, आणि आपण झेलपटलो, हे उपयोगाचं नाही. भावनांमागचा विचार तपासून घे. तुझे beliefs तपासून बघ. त्यालाही तेच करायचंय. इथे स्री किंवा पुरुष हा मुद्दाच नाही; जे हवंय ते दोघांनाही. मग प्रयत्नही दोघांचे हवेत. पण ते दुसऱ्याने करणं आपल्या हातात नाही. आपल्या हातात आपले प्रयत्न आहेत. ते कर. तुमच्या दोघांच्या अपेक्षा तपासून बघ. आस आणि हट्ट यातला फरक समजून घे. प्रेम देण्या-घेण्यापेक्षा प्रेमस्वरुप असण्यात मजा आहे. आपल्या आनंदाची जबाबदारी आपली असते. रिलेशनशिप ही प्रेम अन् आनंद देण्या-घेण्याची एक संधी असते; पण तो आनंद दुसऱ्याने द्यायचा नसतो, तर आपण घ्यायचा असतो. नसेलच त्याच्यात काही चांगलं, तरी हरकत नाही. वेगळी हो; पण इतके दिवस स्वत:च्या नक्की कोणत्या गैरसमजेच्या पुर्तीसाठी आपण त्रास सहन करत होतो, तेही ओळखून बाहेर पड; म्हणजे पुढल्या वेळी शहाणी राहशील. भेटायचंय ते रोज नव्याने; कालच्यापेक्षा आज चार आणे अधिक समजुतीने. स्वत:वर विश्वास ठेव. चांगल्या गोष्टी गुरुत्वाकर्षणाप्रमाणे तुझ्यापर्यंत येतील.”

– समुपदेशक अपूर्व विकास
(निगडी, पुणे)
8928183848/7774917184
facebook.com/CounselorApoorv

©Apoorv Vikas

#मराठी #लेख #ललित #वैचारिक #कथा #सकारात्मक #marathi #positive #thought #relationship #social #boyfriend #girlfriend #husband #wife #breakup #divorce #love #romance #understanding #growth #goal #life