The Climb

– “I don’t understand you. How can
action itself reward its continuation?
Action tires us and resists its continuation.”
– “Sure it does.
But let me ask you a question.
When you climb a staircase,
what do you need, to be on the fifth step?”
– “I don’t know…”
– “You need to be on the fourth step first.”
– “Oh…”
– “And if you’re on fourth step,
it’s not difficult to reach the fifth.
For the same amount of energy is necessary
to go from first to second step;
from fourth to fifth step; or
from ninth to tenth. For any single time,
it’s just a single step forward.
Anybody can do that.
Sure, action tires us. But it also places us
at a higher level than before,
with each step we take.
Same input; greater output; each time.
If it’s a mountain, sure;
it’ll challenge our stamina;
higher altitudes mean lesser oxygen;
but it’s OK.
Practice the same climb repeatedly;
one step more than the last record; each time;
and your body adapts. Ask Nepali Sherpas.
That’s how action rewards its continuation.
All we have to do,
is to take it one step at a time.
And that’s why, my friend,
we never need to be afraid of challenges.
So long as we remember to
grow progressively.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Win It Within

– “I have goals.”
– “Good for you.”
– “I’m trying to reach out to them.”
– “Great for you.”
– “But I’m failing in it.”
– “Of course you are.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “Your true goal isn’t out THERE.
True goal is HERE, within you.
Reach out and you’ll find nothing.
Reach within and you’ll find much.”
– “That’s nice as a motivational speech;
but let’s get real.
I want to make it big in life.
I want money, health, mental peace.
Internet philosophy won’t get me there.”
– “Nothing will get you THERE
if it’s simply not HERE.
Life situations merely mirror our daily habits.
Ugly habits don’t reflect as hot gains.
What you want needs to be HERE, within you,
to get reflected out THERE, in life.
Money isn’t just when you earn it.
Money is when you control how you spend it.
Health isn’t just when you know where to eat.
Health is when you’re mindful of what to eat.
Peace isn’t just when you’re with right people.
Peace is what you think when you’re alone.
These are choices.
Your true goal is evolving better self-control.
Achieve things within you first.
Get better habits. In body. In mind.
Your work isn’t cut out for you out there.
It’s cut out for you within.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Feelings V/S Sentiments

Feelings differ to sentiments.
Feelings are emotionalized thoughts.
Sentiments are frozen thoughts.
Feeling is a flow.
Sentiment is a stone in that flow.
A feeling can mature.
A sentiment remains un-evolved.
When we say “You’re hurting my feelings,”
check if it’s actually our feeling or sentiment.
Our accusation is surely valid if
someone is actually attacking us, mentally.
A taunt. Mockery. Humiliation. Degradation.
But it’s also perfectly possible that
they may be just voicing out their opinion;
nothing personal;
but we notice it’s different to our beliefs;
and we CHOOSE to get hurt out of it.
Difference of opinions isn’t a hurt. Shouldn’t be.
In today’s world where
various people have various approaches about
God, religion, society, sexuality, politics,
difference of opinions is but natural.
It’s an attack only if
they’re invalidating our opinions and
forcing theirs on to us.
If they’re merely voicing themselves out,
then they have a right to do so.
If it’s hurting our sentiment, it’s a weakness.
Let’s unfreeze that thought, then.
Let there be no stones in the flow.
It’d be useful not to cling too much to ideas.
If we seek identity, then it’s best to build it
by effort in profession, passion, interests;
rather than finding it in groups and ideologies.
Let’s keep it real.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Real Goals

Your speech talks about your goal.
Your action shows what it really is.
Dedication, sincerity, consistency show it.
So do lethargy, carelessness, distractions.
Maybe the reason you fail to reach goals,
is that they aren’t your real goals.
You may not be aware of it.
Yes, it’s perfectly possible that
consciously you hate failure
but unconsciously you chase it.
Maybe that’s your real goal.
Why wouldn’t it be?
If feeling sorry for yourself is a habit?
If calling yourself a victim is a habit?
If blaming others for it is a habit?
We’re all creatures of habit.
You know why? Beliefs. They’re the drives.
They want to survive in you.
They demand their reconfirmation by you;
that’s how they survive in you.
They make you act in ways
that’ll result into a proof for them.
Repeated actions. Same results. Reconfirmation.
That’s why beliefs love habits.
Consciously maintained unconsciousness.
If you believe you’re a loser;
if feeling sorry for yourself is an identity,
you’ll choose actions accordingly.
It’s a choice.
If you don’t like what you’re doing to yourself,
choose differently. Get conscious. Be mindful.
There’re no absolutes in life;
nothing is a constant; not even your loser state.
You grow what you feed. That’s it.
So feed the winner in you.
You’re in charge here.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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The Game: Achievement V/S Fulfillment

– “I don’t like it. Yet I have to agree to it.”
– “Why do you have to?”
– “I’m not yet strong enough
to make changes in the game.
That’s why I have to win first.
So that I can control the game.”
– “That’s one way.”
– “Is there any other way?”
– “If you can’t make changes in the game,
change the game itself.
Play the one that suits your goal.
To that effect, first know your goal for real.
Maybe it’s not an achievement in life.
Maybe it’s the experience of life itself.
Maybe the destination isn’t the goal.
Maybe the journey itself is the goal.
For arrival is one fleeting moment.
It’s the journey that takes up most of your life.
Better to have a journey you’ll actually enjoy.
Maybe you don’t have to play the role of
a ‘winner’ you don’t really identify with.
Maybe others’ expectations
need not be so over-rated.
Maybe being yourself and playing
the ‘traveler’ is more to your taste.
Maybe, that’s how we find a win
that really feels like personal fulfillment;
not just a social achievement.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Perfectionist V/S Idealist

– “It must.”
– “Why?”
– “I’m a perfectionist.”
– “Or an idealist?”
– “Ideals inspire perfection.”
– “Sure. Except, perfection is a journey.
It needs multiple steps.
The first step is when
you accept that things aren’t perfect;
you agree they won’t be;
NOT right since the beginning.
Do you fail that acceptance?
Have the ideals turned to
obsessive compulsion?
Demanding immediate satiation?
Rejection of reality rewards anxiety.
You run with anxiety
rather than walking with integrity.
You trip; you fall; you fail.
An ism is a frozen ideology
that skips realistic assessments
and forces unreal expectations.
Turn ideals into idealism and
you’ll focus more on what’s not
rather than what is; you’ll grow desperate.
Be mindful of it,
especially when others are involved.
For unless you’re leading an army of robots,
you’ll always notice difference and defiance.
Court ideals with tender love;
but don’t slave for them with obsession.
Life is a game. Play it with playful mindset.
Over-rate nothing in life.
Be real. Be free.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Remedy For Past

Babies don’t have depression.
Or resentments. Or confidence issues.
They’re blessed with no past.
No lens to see the present.
No lens to speculate the future.
That’s why a totally helpless baby learns to walk, run, skip, hop, jump, climb and run in three years. Learning an entire new language along the way.
Who said you can’t be that baby today?
Right now?

The present moment is the first of the rest of your life. We’re all reborn each moment anew. Sure we all have a past; but no need to let it decide our future. Sure there are huge pains in the past. But hey, you survived. You’re alive. It couldn’t beat you. Which means, you’re stronger than your past. So no need to let it halt your life.

You may not think so. You’ll say “I was stronger earlier”. No you weren’t. You were just ignorant of how ugly life can get. But now you know. And you’re still here. So, yes. You’re stronger now.

So go on. Have a present. Create a future. Get engaged in activities you like. Enough old history. Let’s make some new one. Past is a vacuum. You can’t fight vacuum. It’s an absence. But you can fill it up with a presence. And presence is in the present. Go.

© Counselor Apoorva
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Emotion V/S Feeling

Emotion is sensation.
Acknowledgement of what’s happening.
Love. Anger. Happiness. Fear. Excitation. Pain.
Feeling is emotionalized thought.
Feeling is when belief unites with emotion.
Love turns possession.
Anger turns hatred.
Happiness turns mania.
Fear turns phobia.
Excitation turns obsession.
Pain turns depression.
Emotion tells us what the situation does to us.
Feeling tells us what we do to ourselves during it.
Witness the emotion. Observe the thought.
Know the belief from which that thought comes.
Situation awakens belief; but remember:
It’s YOU who has maintained it since long.
Situation is the action; belief supplies the reaction.
And since that reaction builds your life,
that belief is EVERYTHING.
You need strength here.
It comes from awareness about that belief.
Check if it’s logical, reasonable, rational, realistic.
Check if it’s helping you or hurting you.
Know reality. Make changes, if necessary.
You can’t control what happens to you.
It’s a rock hurled at you by life.
But you can choose if that rock crushes you
or becomes a stepping stone for your ascent.
And that mindfulness is how you grow strong
to make that choice.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Desire & Strength

Life is in pursuit of what you love.
Living is in growing able for the pursuit.
There’s deep satisfaction in growing
that compatibility with what you love.
To match with it.
Remember, the goal isn’t the destination.
You are. Your eligibility for it is.
It’s within you. Unlock it.
You don’t achieve it. You become it.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Get Out Of There.

Stop asking permission to grow.
To think it. To speak it. To act for it.
If you’re a cog in the machinery,
the mechanism needs you to remain a cog.
Forever.
It may be an organization. A group. A cult.
Or even your family.
The machinery is there to profit its runners.
Nobody cares about the cog’s needs.
Cogs are expendable. Replaceable.
The cog moves in a limited space.
In repetitive patterns. It’s by design.
That monotone numbs it; turns it mindless.
And useful as a means to an end.
It may even mistake the confinement for safety. Until it wears out and gets tossed out.
And it will. One day. Sooner or later.
After living an insignificant life.
It’s natural for life to express itself.
Voice out. Reach out. Grow. Flourish. Fruition.
You’ll live only when
you stop asking for its approval.
Let no ideologies, fear and guilt-traps fool you.
Be real. Know for real.
Dare to offend some egos.
Better to be shameless and grab reality
rather than being polite to an unreal propaganda.
You deserve happiness of fulfillment.
Happiness doesn’t come to you.
You reach out to it.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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They WILL Fail You…

Lapse.
It’s there. It’ll always be there in relations.
They won’t always be there for you.
You won’t always be there for them.
Neither of you can. Not always.
Sometimes, it’s sheer innocent ignorance.
At times, it’s unconscious denial of others’ needs.
Few times, it’s just physically impossible.
Errors in judgments and inabilities.
You know the relationship is a failure
when that denial is conscious and repetitive.
But you know it’s a relation between humans,
and not robots,
when you notice these lapses.
For nobody can fulfill expectations all the time.
Sure, these lapses hurt.
But they need to be analyzed and understood.
Especially before we rush to see a ‘crime’ in them.
There may be aspects where
no lapses can be tolerated. The ‘absolutes’.
For some, it’s loyalty.
For some, it’s politeness in front of elders.
For others, it may be
“No playing bongos in the house.”
Whatever it may be, communicate.
Let the other person know the deal you’re making.
No assumptions. Let there be clarity.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Stupidity!

– “He was so stupid to you.
But you didn’t react.”
– “I don’t react. I respond.”
– “How do you maintain that strength?
How do you manage not to react?”
– “That reaction is born out of shock.
Others’ stupidity shocks us;
for we assume people will be sane.
Reality surprises us.
I remember to remain neutral.
I assume neither wisdom; nor lack of it.
Absent assumptions, nothing surprises me.”
– “How do you manage to respond?”
– “Stupidity is a black-hole.
The more you engage with it,
the more it sucks you in.
It’s a call to us to play a game.
Most intellectuals think
it’s a challenge to their intelligence.
It’s not. It’s an appeal to our own stupidity.”
– “Our own stupidity?”
– “We try to reason with an idiot.
That’s our own stupidity.
We fear the presence of stupidity.
It upsets us for we see a danger in it to us.
That’s a stupid origin of our stupidity.
We don’t need to be scared if we know
the idiot shall never reach our height.
The idiot is clever enough to know
we’ll forget it.
We fall in that trap. It’s a choice not to.
The idiot appeals by speech or action.
It’s a choice not to feed speech with speech
and action with reaction.
Just remember:
You have no reason to fear the idiot.
It leaves you free to respond.
In ways that suit the situation and your goal.
Ignore. Or block. Or restrict. Or nullify.
Or remove. But never engage.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Flowers and Seeds

The present moment is the first of
the rest of your life.
It’s the best opportunity you have.
No matter how crappy your past is.
You’re still here; many aren’t. Make it count.
Actions are like seeds.
They sprout into results.
Flowers look much prettier than the seeds they come from.
Yes; your life can change.
Beauty sprouts out of the same mud
you think you’re in now.
But you have to sow a seed first.
The present is that one moment
you’re looking for. Yes. It’s here.
Live it like a boss. Think ahead.

© Counselor Apoorva#personalgrowth #personaldevelopment #motivation #mindset #inspiration #selflove #selfcare #growthmindset #success #lifecoach #growth #love #mindfulness #selfdevelopment #mentalhealth #selfimprovement #leadership #goals #coaching #meditation #selfgrowth #selfawareness #positivevibes #entrepreneur #life #selfhelp #lifecoaching #positivity #loveyourself #bhfyp

Habit V/S Gambit

The gambit is the key.
It sets things in motion.
To win in the end,
you need to win in the first move.
It may not be the end win right there.
But it should LEAD to it.
Success and failure are
consequences of choices.
Be conscious of WHAT you’re setting in motion. Navigate it.

Of course you won’t get a grip on it quickly.
Your past has programmed you with
habitual reactions to specific situations.
You react unconsciously.
It’s always the same. For it starts the same.
You play out scripts. You play out roles.
What’s your actual purpose?
Play the role? Or win the goal?

Get conscious. Study yourself. Be analytical.
Know your triggers.
Specific people. Places. Situations. Concepts.
Know your habitual reactions.
Thoughts. Speech. Action. Behavior.
Reaction is when you reply as per your role.
Response is when you reply as per your goal.
Choose response over reaction.
Right from the beginning.
Right there, in the gambit.
Set your success in motion.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Sentiments

What’s hurting your sentiments?
People? Their speech? Their actions?
Or the fragility of your sentiments
itself is hurting you?
Sure; let’s not blame the victim here.
Sure; others are the culprits.
Sure; they need to be a bit more sensible.
But we can’t control them, can we?
And we can’t keep getting hurt, can we?
But we can control our choices, can’t we?
So let’s strengthen those sentiments.Feelings are emotionalized thoughts.
A feeling is a process.
We freeze it at a spot; unfinished.
A perpetual emotion we can cherish.
That’s sentiment.
We see an identity in it.
But we can have a better identity.
One which still loves what we love;
but doesn’t need others to love it too.
One that doesn’t care what others think of it.
Think about it.
You won’t be bothered when you realize
you don’t have to bother. Keep it simple.
It’s a choice.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Crowd Of Past Selves

The crowd isn’t made of winners.
For winners don’t flock in crowds.
But that’s not the only crowd
you need to avoid, if you wish to win.
If your past selves haven’t been winners,
then reject their crowd too.
They’ll urge you to copy their choices.
Comfort zone of what’s familiar.
You know you can’t do that now, don’t you?
Failure and success are both choices.
So you need whole different choices now.
Your mind needs to be home for
only your present; not your past.
So kick those losers out.
You aren’t what you did in the past.
You’re what you’re doing at present.
Dare to differ.
From others. And from your past too.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Only You Will.

Life is in being yourself.
Success is in finding the best of yourself.
You need to know facts about what you are.
You get facts,
when you explore who you can be.
You can ask others about you, sure.
But they’ll have opinions; not facts.
You’re that elephant,
in the story with four blinds.
Do you want to be shaped by others’ opinion?
Or do you want your life to be your dominion?
It’s not arrogance; don’t let anyone shame you.
You agree you don’t know yet; that’s humility.
But you accept you’ll get to know it yourself;
and that’s confidence; not arrogance.
Explore. Experiment. Fail. Unlearn. Relearn.
Win. Go. Get to it.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Best Options Are…

Circumstance is merely a situation.
It becomes a problem, when
it doesn’t conform with your idea of solution.
You’re blind to possible way-outs; because
a belief in you doesn’t let you think beyond it.
Perhaps your idea of solution itself is
your biggest obstacle.
You need to study the situation;
but you also need to study YOU. Anew.
It’s an opportunity for your growth.
Reassess your beliefs.
See reality absent the filters they force on you.
Perhaps your best options lie outside
the box of what you consider as options.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Pain: Before You Glorify It…

Growth is when you’re real about it.
You step out of your comfort zone.
Your weakness cries out in denial.
You accept it. Only natural. No pain, no gain.
You ignore it. You keep your eyes on the goal.
We notice two polar opposites here.
Some souls run away from pain.
Some souls get obsessed with pain.
They make a huge ism out of it.
They replace reason with sentiment.
Getting tired is a part of the journey.
They mistake it for the destination.
They find more and more ways to get tired.
As if that’d help the walk.
Reality slaps them hard. They crash.
Be real. Growth is gradual. Progressive.
Sure you’ll step out of your comfort zones.
But you keep it manageable.
Sure you’ll get growth pains.
But let them bring addition to your strength.
And not a handicap that ends everything.
Big goals; but shorter milestones, my friend.
Carry little stones consistently rather than
heaving a giant rock that breaks your back.
You’ll get more.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Do Your Thing!

– “How do you relate
life, happiness, success?”
– “We feel alive when we’re happy.
We’re happy when we feel fulfilled.
We’re fulfilled when we live fullest.
That completes a circle.
People relate success with gains.
Relate it with experience.
Life is in order, structure, flow.
You feel it when you do your thing
and you do it your way.
You feel it when you can be yourself in
what you do and how you do it.
Don’t copy goals; don’t copy ways.
Life isn’t a role-play; keep it real.
Set goals that feel so you.
Set milestones that excite you.
Find ways to act that feel yours.
You’ll stumble; fall down – so what?
Stand up and get back into it.
Be yourself.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Building Identity…

– “Why do I fail at building my identity?”
– “What’s an identity?”
– “It’s who I’m supposed to be.”
– “And that definition is why you fail.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “You said, ‘supposed to’, huh?
You think it’s about playing a role.
Roles are in dramas.
Which run for three hours, tops.
Not your whole life.
Of course you’ll fail if you try that.”
– “Then what’s my identity?”
– “It’s who you are, naturally.
And of course you don’t know what’s that;
because you’ve never explored it.
So do that.
Get out of your boundaries.
Start new things in life.
Life will give you new experiences.
You’ll reply to them in different ways.
Some of your replies will be embarrassing.
Your goal is to improve upon them.
Some of them will feel peaceful.
That’s who you are. Be it.
Some of them will excite you about yourself.
That’s who you want to be. Act more on it.
Simple.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Choice Of Making Choices

– “What is life?”
– “Result of choices.”
– “How do they shape us?”
– “With their consequences.”
– “What is success and failure?”
– “Consequences are chains of
cause and effect.
Mindfulness is when we notice the chains.
Mindlessness is when we don’t.
Success is when
we’re mindful of the chains;
and make choices consciously.
Failure is when
we aren’t mindful of the chains;
and let choices happen unconsciously.”
– “Are we the only choosers?”
– “No. There’re other elements.
People. Situations. Circumstances.
Their choices affect the chains too.”
– “We’re naturally blind to most of it.
We can’t always notice those chains.
No matter how mindful we are.
So why believe life is in our control?”
– “For there’s one choice only we can make.”
– “Which is?”
– “The choice of making choices itself.
We can’t always control what happens to us.
But we can surely control how we reply to it.
And that’s what defines us.
What are we?
Do we surrender?
Do we do nothing?
Do we just complain?
Do we make embarrassing truces with life?
Or do we get stronger and change life?
We choose how to treat ourselves
in a situation. That’s the supreme choice.
Life unfolds accordingly.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Empty The Cup: What Does It Mean?

– “Enlighten me.”
– “See your mind as a cup.”
– “And empty that cup, right?”
– “Can’t fill a cup that’s already full.”
– “But it’s hard-earned knowledge.
How can I just forget it?
Won’t it be wiser to build further on it?
Isn’t addition better than rejection?”
– “I’m not telling you to forget it.
I’m asking you to detach from it.
The cup isn’t full of what you’ve seen.
The cup is full of you clinging to it.”
– “What’s making me cling to it?”
– “Assumption and expectation.”
– “Meaning?”
– “You already knew
I’d tell you to ‘empty the cup’.
How did you know?”
– “The guru I met in past used the same words.”
– “And you assumed I’d too.
Experience makes you assume its repetition.
That’s the first curtain that blinds you.”
– “But I wasn’t blind.
You did tell me to empty the cup.”
– “Except you thought I’m talking about
forgetting what you know.
Which you obviously tried earlier.
Which obviously didn’t work for you.
So you expect its exact opposite to work.
Addition to it, rather than rejection of it.
And that’s the second curtain that blinds you.
Expectation takes you out of a student’s role;
puts you into a speculative mode.”
– “So what should I do with what I know?”
– “You’ll know it only when you detach from
assumption and expectation rising out of it.
Life will keep informing you about itself.
Everything you notice has its boundary.
It applies somewhere; and not elsewhere.
See everything within its boundary.
Don’t make a lens out of it to see
other things from. It’s not.
Be mindful of what things actually are and
what you’re making of them.
In fact, enlightenment is nothing but the
ability for such factual assessment of life.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Living Free!

– “You’ve lived a full life.”
– “I don’t know if it’s full, half, or 27.56 %.
I just know I enjoyed living it.”
– “How would you describe yourself?”
– “Oh, I wouldn’t dupe myself with descriptions.”
– “Oh?”
– “Each choice we make is
a try to satisfy a belief about self.
A self-image inspires a choice;
its consequence concretizes the image.
It could be a constructive cycle;
except, for most people, it’s a vicious cycle.
For their self-image is built on
unchecked beliefs rather than tested facts.
We think a self-image gives a channel to life.
I’d say it gives a frame.
People live entire lives locked in their frames.
They live scared of
what’s outside the boundaries.
Opportunities show up; but they say,
‘It’s not my thing.’
Leaving most of life unexplored. Unfulfilled.
I was fortunate.
I realized that quite early in life.
I realized the power of words;
how they concretize those frames.
Since then,
I’ve been living free of self-descriptions.
I’m nothing. I’m a big zero.
It keeps infinite possibilities available.
Since I’m nothing, I can be anything.
Anywhere. Any time.
I retain the ability to change whenever I want.
No frame stops me. No persona limits me.
No-one inside me screams in panic, ‘Don’t’.
I’ve done many, many things…
That’s why I enjoyed life.
I played no role. I actually lived life.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Stop Asking For Leaders.

– “We ask for leaders. We get leaders.
And they dupe us.
They make promises; never to fulfill them.
Entire history is full of it.
Why do we never get true leaders?”
– “Because we never ask for ones.
We’re adults who basically ask for
new mommies and daddies.
Who’ll let us be kids.”
– “Meaning?”
– “What do we want anywhere in life?
In nations we live in?
In corporations we work for?
We want an order to things.
What does it take to get that order? Really?
It takes adults to get real about being adult.
Think straight. Act true.
Be patient. Respect limits. Be disciplined.
It’s not that difficult. But it takes effort.
Most people are lazy. They reject effort.
They want to remain kids.
Which creates problems.
But problems give us stories.
And we love stories! So we love problems!
We want an identity and an occupation.
Problems identify us as ‘victims’.
Problems occupy us as ‘complainers’.
We like to believe a hero will come;
and rescue us from our own mess.
We love posters. Propaganda. Persona.
It’s OK if it isn’t at all functional;
it must be sensational!
The wicked know us in and out.
They know we’re the lazy story-lovers.
They tell us a story we’d love. In which
we’ll get what we want free of effort!
We know it’s all a lie; we believe it anyway;
for the story entertains better than reality.”
– “So who’s the true leader?”
– “It can be you. It can be me.
It’s any and every adult who doesn’t ask
to be led or to be followed.
It’s any and every adult who says:
If you want it,
don’t ask for it; don’t wait for it; work for it.
Get real. Get proactive.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Let Facts Shape Beliefs.

– “What’s our greatest power?”
– “Belief. It can make or break us.”
– “Where can we find that power?”
– “We already have it.
In fact, we’re loaded with it.”
– “What are you saying?”
– “Think about it for a moment.
Think of how you look at life.
: I’m a born winner.
: I’m a total loser.
: Stock market is risky. Never invest in it.
: The opposite gender is stupid.
: Always wear formals. It’s the right way.
: Windows should open to the east.
: I can never run a business.
: I lose things just when I’m about to get ‘em.
: God exists. But He doesn’t love me.
: I’ll be there. But it’ll take time.
A bunch of miscellaneous beliefs.
But they shape every
thought, feeling, action, reaction.
Since you’re a born winner, you take initiative.
But you ‘forget’ to check facts and fail;
getting the periodic dose of loser-feeling.
You go to dates wearing formals;
your date has a problem with it;
you add it to their gender’s ‘stupidity’.
A friend suggests a business-place;
you check it out; you unconsciously notice
the windows open to the north;
you say no; you lose the opportunity;
but that’s all OK; because
you ‘can’t’ run a business anyway.
You prefer real-estate over stocks;
the prices remain same for a decade;
you pray to God for them to rise up;
they don’t; you get impatient and sell it;
the prices go up six months later;
you slap yourself; God doesn’t love you.
In the end you’re still dependent on salary;
so hell yes, your goals will take time.
See how powerful each belief here is?”
– “But it’s experience that shaped these beliefs.”
– “And now they’re shaping your present.
What made them real was in the past.
Which isn’t there anymore.
This moment has its own facts.
Beliefs are powerful. So be conscious.
Power is fire.
Left uncontrolled, it burns your bread.
Regulate it, it bakes your bread.
All choices are tries to satisfy beliefs.
Check first if beliefs satisfy facts.
Live real.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Watering That One Plant…

– “Teacher, I’ve been training for weeks.”
– “Good for you.”
– “On only one aspect of my skills.”
– “Great for you.”
– “There are other aspects.”
– “Sure there are.”
– “When am I going to train them?”
– “When you get good at the current one.”
– “Shouldn’t I be versatile?
Shouldn’t the training be simultaneous?”
– “It’d be ideal if you could be versatile.
Which asks for versatility in seeds;
so that they can be watered simultaneously.
Do you have such seeds?”
– “Umm… No.”
– “If we can’t be ideal, let’s be practical.
Let’s focus on the one seed we have.
Let’s make a big tree out of it.”
– “What’s the use of growing just one tree?”
– “Trees develop branches.
They reach new heights.
Unlocking doors previously closed.
Opening possibilities previously barred.
If we can’t be jack of all,
let’s be master of one.
If we can’t be versatile in all aspects of skill,
let’s grow versatile in all aspects of one skill.”
– “But why don’t you sow new seeds?”
– “You see that plant? I water it every day.”
– “Again, why just one plant?
Why not plant more?”
– “I would, if I was a farmer. Which I’m not.
I’m a teacher. And I wish
to give the correct message to my pupils.”
– “What correct message?”
– “Nobody else sows seeds for you.
They have to be your own.
Now, if you don’t have many, it’s fine.
When that one plant grows,
it’ll bear fruits; they’ll drop to the ground;
sowing its seeds; breeding new plants;
conquering terrains left barren earlier.
Be patient and consistent.
Versatile expansion will happen
when you aim at gradual evolution.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Solution: Acceptance of Changing Yourself

– “How do we solve a problem?”
– “What turns a situation into a problem?”
– “It hurts.”
– “That’s just the situation.
What makes a problem out of it?”
– “It hurts and we don’t have a solution.”
– “There you go. Sounds obvious. Mundane.
That’s why most people fail to grasp
how deeply significant it actually is.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “How would you carry a 100 pounds
to a mountain-top?”
– “I’ll grow the required strength;
or I’ll call some people; borrow strength.”
– “Exactly.
You won’t do anything TO the situation.
You’ll add what you need to YOU; and win.
You’ll grow bigger than the situation.
People forget it when problems get complex.
They try to do things TO the situation
rather than changing themselves.”
– “But that’s also not bad.
I can also cut the 100 pounds in tiny portions.
Make it easy. Do things TO the situation.”
– “Except, you’ll need to figure out
how to logically cut it into parts
and later add them back into a whole.
It may not be readily possible.
You’ll have to improvise. Think differently.
That’s intellectual growth.
And you’ll still need multiple hikes;
and you’ll still need to grow or borrow
strength for that. That’s growth of assets.
For all kind of growth,
first you need to accept you need change.
In beliefs. Thoughts. Approach. Methods.
And that’s my point. A situation is a trouble
for your current mind says so.
It makes you part of the problem.
To solve it, you have to unlearn and relearn.
To solve anything, focus at self-evolution.
That’s how you become part of the solution.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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“Fit” V/S “A Fit”

– “What does success in life need?”
– “Ability for living to its fullest.”
– “Why don’t most people find it?”
– “The answer lies in the question.”
– “What part of it?”
– “The approach.
Ability isn’t what you find.
Ability is what you build.
Most people fail to understand that.
They try to find it.
And since most people are at it,
they just end up being one among most.
The crowd programs an obsession of it.
To get accepted in the crowd.
They mistake being A FIT for being FIT.
You’ll see it everywhere.
In high-school, you laugh when others laugh;
even if it’s a cruel joke on an epileptic boy.
The goal is to keep the cheerleader queen or
the football stud in command happy at you.
Among family and community,
you follow tradition; not reason.
In workplaces, you hate the new guy
solely because the group says so.
You gain absofreakinglutely nothing out of it.
Sure, humans are social animals
and we get security in society.
But if you want your own identity,
you must dare to step out of security.
You must dare to let go of comfort zones.
The herd only fakes safety. So dare to differ.
Stop over-obsessing with people.
Stop over-rating your place with them.
Places are created; not asked for.
Success isn’t about gravitating to people.
Success is about gravitating life to you.
Focus at being FIT; not at being A FIT.
Only then you’ll get to explore, experiment,
experience, train, gain, transform, be new.
Fear no loneliness;
the right people will connect, when it’s time.
Living fullest happens beyond boundaries.
To step up, step out first.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Progress Hunger!

– “When do we progress?”
– “When we’re hungry for it.”
– “Many are hungry for it.
They feel the lack; lack awakens hunger.
They try to satiate the hunger.
Why don’t they progress?”
– “You talk about building muscles.
What do you eat when you’re hungry?
Vegetables? Salad? Boiled chicken?
Or pizza?”
– “Pizza.”
– “Why?”
– “It satiates my hunger.
And it tastes awesome!”
– “That’s how most people approach hunger.
They don’t satiate it. They merely silence it.
Hunger isn’t the need.
Hunger is just the alarm system
that warns us of the need.
People don’t solve the problem.
People simply smash the alarm.
Like eating pizza;
telling the stomach to shut up.
And then there’s that awful belief.
It says, everything must taste awesome.
People forget that what’s actually awesome
is the tasty satisfaction of fulfillment
that comes later.
People bargain tasty goals for tasty paths.
Sensational shortcuts; which lead to
no functional destinations.
Same as pizza;
fun followed by constipation.
That’s how they dupe themselves.
Focus on nourishment, my friend.
It’s OK if you don’t like the veggies.
Not every meal needs to be a party.
Get real. Stop over-rating feel-good factors.
Nobody likes cementing the bricks
but that’s how we get to live in houses.
Wanna live king-size?
Kings have to make hard choices.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Excitement V/S Focus

– “I see winners.
Some remind me of fire-crackers.
They shine for a short period.
Then they snuff out. Never to shine again.
Some remind me of the sun.
They shine for a long time.
Even when the sun sets, it rises again.
What’s the difference?”
– “A win gives excitement.
Excitement is like pressurized water.
It lacks its own form.
It takes the form of its channel.
Absent one, it’s a fountain. Just a burst.
Glorious; but useless.
It’s one thing to channel energy before a win.
It’s another to maintain that channel
even after the excitement of a win.
A mindless winner forgets it.
A mindful winner remembers it.
The difference is hunger.
A mindful winner is hungrier.
One win isn’t the end for a mindful winner.
It’s merely an addition to the capital strength.
That awareness turns
excitement into nourishment.
You don’t lose the pressure.
You channel the flow.
You want more, you get more focused.
You take the flow forward.
That way, even if you fail in near future,
you still have water with you;
you still have sustenance.
That’s how you shine your sun.
Celebrate a win. But invest it too.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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The Rhythmic Bounce…

– “Why aren’t you in it?”
– “Why should I be?”
– “Most people are.”
– “My goal isn’t to be most people.”
– “You think you’re uniquely special?”
– “Each one of us is.
But it’s useful only when applied.
It’s tragic that we’re taught to deny it.
The goal is to develop identity;
not conformity.”
– “We find an identity in society.”
– “I saw a herd of sheep recently.
Walking in a straight line.
Each sheep was following the next in line.
Each one assuming the same: the next
sheep knows where the herd is going!
Which means nobody actually knew!
At the front, there was a boy, luring the
fist sheep in line with promise of grass.
Praising them for maintaining a straight line.
The boy was a butcher’s son.
The herd walked itself to the slaughter-house.
Why did it happen?
The sheep were following others too close.
Their vision was full of the next sheep’s ass.
The rhythmic bounce of ass-cheeks
hypnotized the whole herd.
The same way the rhythms of
social sensations and trends and fashions
hypnotize entire humans population.
A herd doesn’t give you an identity.
A herd robs you of it.
If you want a society and not a herd,
develop your own identity.
For that’s what a society is:
Unity in variety of individual identities.
Stop following each other’s asses.
Get some distance. Get a perspective.
Choose goals; know ways.
Be conscious. Look. Learn. Apply.
Be human. Not sheep.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Revolution V/S Creation

– “I’ve seen revolutions.
In people’s lives. In nations’ histories.
Most fail.
Many souls go bankrupt.
Many states go corrupt.
Only a handful progress constructively.
Why? What fails us? What helps us?”
– “Your house is old.
What’d you do if you want a new house?”
– “I’ll raise it to the ground; build a new one.
Or I’ll buy a different one.”
– “That’s what most people do.
You get hormonal. Hammer; not repair.
You destroy the house, the system you have.
Then you’re left with nothing.
Now you have to find new bricks
to rebuild the house.
Where would you live meanwhile?
Reality slaps you; you panic.
Along comes a profiteer who tells you
the second option is better.
He sells you a ready-made house.
For a giant cost.
You sacrifice all your savings for it.
And worse, you have to adapt to whatever
architecture he’s already got in place.
That’s you, failing your personal revolution.
Nations do the same.
We burn our libraries; borrow foreign books.
We forget our culture; borrow foreign ways.
We invalidate ourselves; become foreigners.
We hand our nation to
either opportunists happy to see new stock;
or
fundamentalists over-reacting to the shock.”
– “So what other option do we have?”
– “Your house is old; but it’s still standing.
Which means its foundations are strong.
Respect that. And study that.
The same bricks can be re-arranged
differently.
The same struts can be re-used cleverly.
The idea is dismantling; not trashing.
You can go at it one room at a time.
So that you’ll always have a roof over head.
Revolution aims at next cycle of creation.
So aim at re-arrangement; not destruction.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Priority?!

– “Teacher, what should I prioritize?
Profession? Love? Family? Fitness?
I want it all. There should be no priority.
But I can’t have equality. That’s idealism.
They say goals ask for sacrifices.
What should I do?”
– “You see that mountain?
Hike to the summit every day for four weeks.
There’s a priest who lives up there.
Give him this sack of flour each day.
In return, you’ll get a reward.
But there’s a condition.
Each week, you’ll carry it differently.
Week one: carry it over your head.
Week two: hug it in front of your chest.
Week three: carry it on your back.
Week four: Tie it to your legs.
Come back to me after four weeks.”
***
– “So what’s the reward, my Child?”
– “No reward, Teacher.
I couldn’t finish the hike; not a single day.
Carrying that load crashed me midway.”
– “Oh, poor Child… Now do one thing.
Split it. Make four packs out of it.
Carry one over head; hug one with chest;
carry one on back; tie one to legs.
Repeat the daily hike.
Come back four weeks later.”
***
– “So what’s the reward, my Child?”
– “It was amazing, Teacher!
Carrying the load like that didn’t crash me.
Instead, it made me stronger! Previously,
I focused only on carrying the sack.
Now, I could even enjoy the journey!
I ate sweet fruits! I met amazing creatures!
The priest offered me a great meal each day!”
– “Same goes with life, my Child.
You’ve been taught false. Profession,
love, family, fitness aren’t goals.
The goal is simply to experience life fullest.
These four are merely tools to do so.
You need all in sensible portions.
And that means no need for sacrifices.
Profession is what you carry on your head.
Be sensible, and it keeps you on track.
Burden it too much, and it blinds you.
Love is what you hug to your heart.
Be sensible, and it motivates you.
Over-obsess with someone, you stumble.
Family is what you carry on your back.
Be sensible, and it supports you.
Pamper them too much, you crash.
Fitness is what you carry with your legs.
Be sensible, and it keeps you strong.
Over-think about health, fear freezes you.
Live balanced. Moderation is the key.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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The Ladder

A man fell into a pit.
It was quite deep. Thrice his height.
He couldn’t climb out.
Nobody else could pull him out.
He thought, ‘I need a ladder.’
He looked around.
There were three sticks lying around.
Nothing else.
The man cursed his stars.
‘These sticks are tough. But useless.
I need more to made a ladder.’
He began to weep.
Suddenly he heard a voice.
– “What are you waiting for?
Your tears to fill up the pit and
float you up and out of the pit?”
He looked up.
An old woman was standing near the pit;
looking down at the miserable soul.
– “Just going to mock me? Or help me too?”
said the anguished man.
– “You need no help to come out,” said the lady.
You need help only for your silly lack of vision.”
– “I need a ladder, you old witch…”
– “Make your own, you dumb clown.”
– “With what? These stupid sticks?”
– “Of course.”
– “Are you on weed?
How can three sticks turn into a ladder?”
– “Was your mother on weed
when she was pregnant with you? Tell me:
How do we use a ladder?”
– “Feet on one rung. Hands on another.
We climb up.”
– “So any given time, we need just two rungs.”
– “Yes. So?”
– “So stick one stick in your belt. Take the second stick in your hand. The third stick is your hammer. Use it to nail the second stick firmly into the pit wall; at a spot above your head. Congrats! You got yourself your first rung! Pull yourself up on it. Careful, don’t lose the hammer. Once up, if you’re worried you’ll fall, brace yourself against the pit wall. Now take the first stick out of your belt. Again, use the hammer to nail it at a spot above your head, same as before. That’s your second rung. Pull yourself up; stand on it. Now stretch your hands up. The pit’s edge will be within your reach. Get out.”
– “Wow…”
– “Solution is management. Management is re-arrangement. You have what you need. You don’t need assistance. You’re your own providence. You are the ladder. You’re the solution. Be it.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Dog And The Bone

– “When do we reach goals?”
– “When we stay true to the path.”
– “When do we not deviate from the path?”
– “When distractions fail to distract us.
When obstacles fail to deter us.
When comfort zones fail to comfort us.”
– “And when does that happen?”
– “When the DESIRE for what we want is…
Gigantic! Phenomenal! Monumental!
For that’s when we don’t just love the goal.
We love the journey too.
: That’s why we walk true decidedly.
We love the change too.
: That’s why we accept it wholeheartedly.
We love the sheer pleasure of evolution.
: That’s why we stay at it doggedly.
To be the lion that gets the throne,
first be the dog that pursues the bone.
Choose goals and paths you’ll love.
Love the idea of changing into what you love.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Falling V/S Choosing

– “…but how can we choose?
Things just… appeal to us.
Love just… happens.
And ideas… they’re too abstract…
It’s all a giant, intricate web.
We find ourselves smack in the middle of it.”
– “Sure. And how did we get there?
Did that web swallow us? Could it, ever?
Or was it our choice to walk in blindly,
all the way to its centre, trapping ourselves?
It doesn’t matter how big the web is.
No web is ever thrown at us.
We toss ourselves into one.
For we’re intellectually lazy.
Vigilance takes effort; we hate that.
We like to believe things will be alright
if we just assume they will;
if we just fall into them;
if we just take a leap of faith.
It’s not faith if it isn’t verified.
It’s just accepted blindness.
We aren’t blind; we just close eyes.
And we keep them closed;
for we aren’t just lazy;
we’re desperate too. To get an identity.
We rush at things; we like to believe
we’ll get a personality out of them.
We rush into relationships; we like to believe
we’ll get a shelter in another person.
We rush to accept ideas; we like to believe
we’ll get respect by following ideologies.
We consciously choose to be unconscious.
We choose not to check, explore, analyze
things, people, ideas – reality, as it is.
We draw pictures in our mind.
We animate them with scripted dramas.
We blindly believe the web will be a canvass
for whatever colors we want to paint.
Wishful thinking.
That glorious mistake makes us pay. Big.
Everything is a choice; even the blind ones.
Reality doesn’t change by closed eyes;
it changes toward the better only with vision.
Pay attention. You’re in charge here.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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The Trek Of Success

– “Teacher, I learned a lot from this task.”
– “What was the task, Child?”
– “A month-long trek through the jungle.
Each one of us had the same challenge:
Survive.
Carrying a load on our backs. In the form of
a locked case; different each week.
First week, it weighed 20 units.
Each week, it was heavier by 20.
Fourth week, it was 80.
It felt so brutal initially. So difficult.
But not so much, as days went by. In fact,
the weekly rise in load made us stronger!
When we finally reached the destination,
you handed us keys to open our cases.
And inside, each one found a precious stone!
A beautiful, giant gem!
Our prize for finishing the task!”
– “What happened to that one boy
everyone laughed at? The jeweler’s son?”
– “It was hilarious!
There’re some poor kids in our clan.
Their fathers owe money to the jeweler.
The jeweler’s son exploited them using that.
He made them carry his cases
throughout the trek. Didn’t want the hardship.
As exhaustion would collapse one kid,
the bully would begin exploiting another.
Sure, he reached the goal quicker than all.
But when the devil unlocked his case,
he just couldn’t lift up that heavy stone!
Never grew the strength required for it!”
– “So what did you learn out of it, Child?”
– “Managing success differs to reaching it.
We must grow able to carry it.
Success equals the effort; as in this task.
Those weekly additions to the challenge
made us stronger; compatible for the prize;
only because we accepted the hardship.
We rose up on our own. We chose evolution.
The jeweler’s son used exploitation.
It brought him to the success;
but success was too heavy! He crashed!”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Consumerism!

– “Why are we here, Teacher?”
– “What do you see, Child?”
– “I see a herd of sheep and a shepherd.”
– “What do you think of it?”
– “I think it’s incredible.
One master; so many slaves.
Do they not know
the shepherd also happens to be the butcher?
Why don’t they rebel?”
– “Oh, they know it perfectly well!
But that’s the magic of living in a herd, Child!
You adopt the herd’s mentality; and
it numbs even your basic survival instincts.”
– “How? How are they so numb to reality?”
– “Simple!
The shepherd lets them graze for free!
And there’s a German Shepherd to
protect them from external dangers!
A free service to the consumers!
Which makes the consumers believe
they’re living in a paradise!
Each sheep looks at another sheep and sees
a well-fed and well-protected, fat beneficiary!
What can possibly go wrong, right?
They gradually lose their natural abilities
of finding food and fighting for survival.
But the illusion of paradise
doesn’t let them notice it. In fact,
they look at the shepherd with expectations
of good service at the right time, right place.
Not knowing that
the consumption is now an addiction.
They call themselves modern, independent;
in truth they’ve never been more dependent!
They all think it’s their entitlement now!
Of course,
one sheep mysteriously vanishes each day;
but ten news one take its place quickly.
And when you’re too busy in grazing
and when all sheep look the same fat slobs,
you don’t miss anyone!
So what’s the learning, Child?”
– “It’s pretty straight-forward.
There’s no free service.
When consumerism becomes a religion,
the consumer becomes the product.
Ignorance of common sense becomes
the necessary sacrifice;
except, of course, the sacrificial alter
looks pretty lucrative!
Survival 101: Don’t be sheep.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Freedom? Maturity First.

– “I want freedom.”
– “Then have it.”
– “They don’t give it to me.”
– “It’s not a gift. It’s an earning. Go build it.”
– “How?”
– “What’s freedom?”
– “Independence.”
– “Which means no dependence.”
– “Exactly.”
– “Which means self-dependence.”
– “Precisely.”
– “Do you have it?”
– “Umm…”
– “No.”
– “Why not?”
– “Self-dependence takes self-evolution.
Which needs to be consciously chosen.
Which needs clear goals.
Which need consistent action.
Which requires will-power.
Which is fueled by desire.
Not just desire of the destination;
but also of the journey of self-discovery.
All of that requires
experience, patience and insight.
Together, we call it maturity. Which is about
acceptance of what we are; and
agreement to change to what we need to be.
Do you have it?
Talk about freedom only when you do.
The goal isn’t just to fly.
The goal is to stay airborne. Get that grit.”
– “But they don’t allow me.”
– “And you allow their disallowance.
No matter how much you complain;
you know deep down you don’t have
the strength for self-governance.
Besides, your current state is familiar to you.
You’re used to it.
Comfort zone of familiar discomforts.
Yes,
you need a rebellion to change the system;
but it’ll float only when
you agree to change yourself first.
You need a revolution; not just a rebellion.
A solid result; not just a sensational tantrum.
Holds true for person, community, nation.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Collecting Fruits Along The Way…

– “What is success in life, really?”
– “Success is to be able for life.
Life is a path;
success is to get fit for it along the way.”
– “I’ve observed two streams of thoughts;
about the walk on that path.
One says, we should keep collecting
as many things as possible along the way.
The other says,
we should carry nothing at all.
Which one is correct?”
– “Have you hiked mountains?”
– “Yes.”
– “What’d happen if
you collect too many fruits along the way?”
– “My journey will get easy.
I’ll have long-term sustenance.”
– “So says the philosophy.
Except, you’ll have to carry all those fruits.
Taking care that they don’t spoil.
Managing too many things at the same time.
Now think again.”
– “You’re right. I missed the part
that I’ll have to carry all of that load.
If I turn usability to greed,
I’m turning it into liability.
So I should carry nothing at all.
I’ll be free! No burden!”
– “So says the philosophy.
In practice, you’ll collapse.
For the journey is very real;
the ascent is very steep;
and you need sustenance.”
– “You’re right. I missed the part
that I’m only human.
If I see escapism in being effortless,
I’m not carefree; I’m careless.
So what’s the useful way?”
– “Moderation. Avoid these polar extremities.
Get real. Know facts. Stock accordingly.
Collect fruits. Eat few. Carry few.
But don’t overburden yourself.
Don’t ignore needs.
Don’t mistake desires for needs.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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The Pit

– “Why can’t I find a solution?”
– “Have you understood the problem first?”
– “Of course I have.”
– “Let me tell you a story.
Man falls in a pit.
What do you think is his goal?”
– “To get out of it, of course.”
– “Except, he can’t.
The walls of the pit are muddy and wet.
Slippery. Can’t get any handholds.
What do you think is the problem?”
– “He can’t scale up the wall.”
– “And there we see why
most people fail to find solutions.
They fail to understand the problem.”
– “What nonsense?
He needs to scale up the wall and he can’t.”
– “The goal is to get out.
Is it necessary to do it only one way?
The walls are muddy AND wet.
That’s useful information.
He can’t get handholds;
but he can surely remove that mud;
maybe one fistful at a time.
He can try to dig a tunnel diagonally up.
Or maybe he can’t dig a tunnel; for there’s
hard rock just a few inches in the walls.
That’s good news. For that rock must have
crevices to seep water in; that’s why it’s wet.
He can gradually clear a vertical hollow
to expose that rock surface;
use its crevices as handholds to climb up.”
– “Oh. I was thinking from only inside the pit.”
– “Then think from outside the box.
Get a perspective. Get a ‘bird’s view’.
Know facts.
A situation is a problem inside its walls;
but it’s a solution outside those same walls.
Your focus decides which one it’ll be.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Un-Scripting Genders…

– “How do we have gender equality?”
– “By learning to focus on that equality.”
– “But it’s fundamentally not there.
Nature itself has created some differences.”
– “Sure. Which essentially means
there’s a common thread that binds the two.
For only that’s when
two ideas can be compared.”
– “And what’s that common thread?”
– “That we’re all human beings.
We forget it.
We tend to perceive men and women as
two different species under same umbrella.
That happens when
boys and girls are taught differently.
Tasked differently. Raised differently.
Forced to play distinct roles.
Forced to react to life as per scripts.
We inspire inequality by scripting things.
We inspire humanity by un-scripting them.
What makes us human is our ability to
respond to life rather than reacting to it.
And that’s what we need to teach children.
When boys and girls notice each other
observing, analyzing, thinking, planning
and acting as independent individuals,
they’ll notice personalities developing
beyond gender-roles.
They’ll notice growth. Capacity.
Resourcefulness.
Ability for taking humankind forward.
That’s what breeds mutual respect.
And that’s what breeds equality.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Unlearning…

– “What’s growth?”
– “Growth is assent to growth.”
– “Interesting way to put it.
What’s the challenge to it?”
– “The challenge is belief.”
– “I thought belief is our greatest power.”
– “Sure it is. That’s what makes it a challenge.
Power needs vision. Absent one, it destroys.
We need firm beliefs. Not blind beliefs.
Growth is acceptance of functional beliefs
and rejection of dysfunctional beliefs.
Some new ideas lure us. Some scare us.
Some old notions are hard to let go.
We need to know facts beyond opinions.
What we must add. What we must never.
What we can modify. What we must shed.
In all cases, we need factual assessment.
We must develop the strength to check
new and old ideas absent sentiment.
We need ability to detach from our beliefs.
That assent to assessment of reality,
is what makes growth possible.
Our power gains vision only when
our beliefs are backed by insight.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Dreams V/S Goals

– “You can buy a new car now.”
– “Noted.”
– “The one you have is old now.”
– “Noted.”
– “What’s that supposed to mean?”
– “Your opinions are noted.”
– “Would you say nothing else?”
– “Am I saying it?”
– “No.”
– “Then that’s it.”
– “You don’t talk much.”
– “I don’t talk. I speak.
When it’s useful. Which it isn’t here.”
– “How is it not?
You have money. You worked hard for it.
What’s the point, if you don’t spend it?
You should dream big.
That’s what I’m telling you.”
– “Sweetheart, so far,
you’ve shared just your misconceptions.
Let me help you walk out of them.
I don’t have dreams; I have GOALS.
I don’t just dream big; I plan big.
And to get big in life,
money isn’t to be SPENT;
money is to be USED.
I can spend money on a new car
which I don’t really need right now;
and add to the depreciation in my assets.
Or I can invest that same money
and get a bigger house in a couple of years;
adding to my appreciating assets.
Or I can invest in a business outfit
and get a house and car too, four years later.
Turn achievement into investment.
If you want big things; let go of small ideas.
And yes, have patience.
Growth is gradual.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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The Elephant’s Mistake

– “I’m less.”
– “Because they think so?”
– “Yes. And it hurts.”
– “Why?”
– “Because it matters to me.”
– “Exactly. Again, why?”
– “Isn’t it only natural?”
– “Is it?
Or is it an unconsciously made choice?
It matters to you
because you believe it should.
Every single choice we make is
obedience to one or the other belief.
You want to feel OK for yourself;
but you have a criteria for it.
You want them to be OK with you first.
You validate it by your relation with them.
Since the criteria isn’t fulfilled,
you don’t allow yourself to feel OK.”
– “So I should just declare they don’t matter?”
– “Before declaration, there’s introspection.
You need to check where they matter and
where they don’t need to.
Yes, they may matter somewhere;
but not everywhere.
Everyone ultimately gets us wrong.
Not just our critics. Even our fans.
We’re all like that elephant in that story
where four blind men describe it.
Everyone notices a different aspect of us.
Everyone makes a different opinion.
Their own limits affect the judgment;
and of course it’s never the right picture;
let alone the full picture.
And since that’s the case,
at least the elephant shouldn’t make
the same mistake about itself.
Only you’ll ever know you.
And if you don’t know what’s that now,
let your action show it to you.
Learn. Apply. Check. Adapt. Improve.
Don’t ask for an identity. Build one.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Desire Isn’t The Problem…

– “They say desire breeds unhappiness.
Do you agree?”
– “No.
Desire provides a forward drive.
Desire is the walk toward life.
It’s a shift from A to B.
A is where we are.
B is where we may want to be.
Unhappiness is when,
we turn desire for A into an obsession;
and get stagnant; or
we turn desire for B into a lust;
and get rootless.
Problem lies in our tendency
to over-rate material things; ideas; people.
Either we turn into motionless relics
or we turn to restless frolics.
Key to happiness is moderation.
Moderation in holding on to A.
Moderation in chasing B.
Be real about life.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Alone V/S Lonely!

– “I feel so sad for you.”
– “I feel so happy for myself!”
– “Who’re you kidding?
You’re single!
You don’t even have much friend circle!”
– “Is that a disease?”
– “No; but we all want to be with someone.
Don’t you? It’s only natural.”
– “Sure. Except it’s so unnatural
to treat it as a problem if
someone is in their own space.
No, it’s not always social anxiety.
Maybe that person simply gets bored
with people and their nonsense.
Are our beliefs based on reality? Or,
are ‘relationship’ and ‘socialization’ brands,
advertized as what we ‘must’ have,
like most brands these days?
Is that advertisement turning a natural desire
into an artificial and compulsive need?
Is that why I’m noticing so many jumpers?”
– “Jumpers?”
– “Yes. That’s my name for people
jumping into friendships and relationships
without giving themselves any time.
Ending up with total whackjobs. Why?
To desperately try not to be single?
To avoid being an individual?
Do we realize how hilarious it is?”
– “Umm…”
– “I have a fantastic relationship with myself.
I treat myself nicely.
I take myself out to good places.
I take care of my body, mind, soul.
Yes, I’d love a partner;
but I’m not dying if I haven’t got one today.
So, are you really sad for me?
Or is it that you want me to be sad?
I’ll leave it to you to check why.
Are you one of those jumpers too?
Perhaps that’s why seeing me negatively is
necessary for you…?
Helps you lie to yourself that
it’s so great you’re with someone?
No matter how ugly it actually is?”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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The Successful You: Image V/S Reality

– “What’re you doing?”
– “I’m making my next move.”
– “But it doesn’t fit your image.”
– “It fits my reality. That matters more.”
– “Your fans won’t like it.”
– “Then they’re not my fans.”
– “You can’t say things like that.
You should respect them. They love you.”
– “Do they? Or do they love the image?
Did I create it?
Or did they fabricate it
out of their perception of me?
Shall I reject my needs, my originality?
Shall I replace my reality with that image?
Can I live like that?
Is it even a complete persona?
Or is it just a cut-scene
being mistaken for the full reel?
Like spectators expecting the sky
to display a rainbow all the time?
Sure it pleases them; but what about me?
Maybe I don’t want to be the humid air
that gets you that rainbow anymore.
Maybe I want the sun to shine bright now.
Why did I achieve success?
Was fame really the goal?
Or was it a byproduct of the real goal?
Which was, my personal fulfillment?
Yes; I created a space and it was nice.
But now it suffocates me.
I want a different one; I’ll create one.
Things in museums have value;
but they don’t get to go anywhere.
Do I want to be a relic?
I’m a flow; like water; like air.
I’ll keep flowing; flying; living.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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The “Necessary Unhappiness” Fallacy

– “What nonsense?
What the hell do you mean?
People think unhappiness is necessary?
What load of crap is that?”
– “Think about it.
When you’re unhappy,
what do you mostly think about?
Validation of unhappiness?
Reasons that justify it?
A compulsion to remain unhappy,
for at least a certain period of time?”
– “But it’s only natural that I’d be unhappy
if something’s happened and
I see no way out.”
– “Sure. Which should naturally inspire you
to go and find a way; or make one.
You don’t. You choose not to.
You remain right there; suspended;
with your mind rooted to that spot in
time and space where stuff happened.
Rethinking it. Re-imagining it.
Hurting yourself much more than
how much it actually hurt you.
Is it natural or artificial?”
– “Maybe artificial. But why do you say
I think it’s necessary for me?
Why’d I ask for something so unpleasant?”
– “Doesn’t matter if it’s pleasant or not.
What matters is, it helps your IDENTITY.
We all try to concretize our identity.
It’s an unconscious survival mechanism.
We try to continue with what’s FAMILIAR.
And if we find familiarity with unhappiness,
then we try to continue with that.
We cater to our beliefs. And if you believe
you’ve mostly been a victim,
then you’ll seek that victim identity out of
most things that happen to you.
You’ll stretch out your unhappiness;
making it into a compulsive necessity.”
– “Doesn’t sound like a smart mechanism.
We secure survival but an unhappy one?”
– “Nature cares about survival;
not the quality of life. That’s OUR job.”
– “So what’s the remedy?”
– “Mindfulness. Be conscious. Observe self.
Especially when unhappiness hits you.
Know the goal: it’s to overcome it.
Stop finding identity in it.
Check if you’re sliding into
familiar patterns of thinking.
Be mindful and walk out of your scripts.
Live at present. You’re in charge here.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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The Crowd and The Stones!

A- “Is it normal?”
O- “What makes things normal?”
A- “When most people find it agreeable.”
O- “Come with me.”

A- “What’s going on? Why’s there a crowd?”
X- “We’re stoning that witch.”
O- “What makes her a witch, my friend?”
X- “She’s responsible for all the evil.”
A- “How do you know?”
X- “Everybody knows…”
A- “How do they know?”
X- “I… don’t know. Everybody says so.”
A- “What nonsense is this?”
O- “Come with me.”

A- “What’s with the binocular?”
O- “Observe. Tell me what you see.”
A- “Oh, oh my god! A robbery is in progress!”
O- “How many robbers are there?”
A- “Four. Armed.”
O- “With what? Thor’s Hammer? Mjolnir?”
A- “No… just clubs and machetes.”
O- “How many are being robbed?”
A- “An entire village! A hundred, at least!”
O- “What are they doing about it?”
A- “What can they possibly do?
They’re unarmed!”
O- “Really? What do you see near their feet?”
A- “Rocks… nothing else…”
O- “How many rocks do you think are
necessary to bring down four robbers?
A hundred will do? How about two hundred?”
A- “Actually… yes… That’s so true!
Why aren’t they throwing stones now?
What nonsense is this?”

O- “Same as before, my friend.
Everybody thinks the same:
‘Everybody else knows what’s best.’
So nobody knows what’s best
but they believe they do to their best.
That’s how sheep are herded.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Enemy Of Knowledge

– “What’s the enemy of knowledge?”
– “Knowledge.”
– “Knowledge itself is its enemy?”
– “Precisely.”
– “I thought it’s ignorance.
Lack of knowledge.”
– “Lack of knowledge is just a state.
Which brings misery.
It should inspire you to go get knowledge.
But that’s only when you accept you lack it.
Which is only when you feel that lack.
Which you won’t, if you’re feeling full.
Full of knowledge gained earlier.
In an earlier stage of your journey.
Of course it’s obsolete knowledge.
It’s of use no more.
But knowledge brings pride with it.
And if you’re full of it, you feel no lack.
For your mind is now corrupt.
And even the fact that
you’re moving no further in life
doesn’t make you quit clinging to
useless knowledge.
You mistake vacuum for a collection.”
– “I get it.
Knowledge is just a tool.
And like all tools, it has its limits.
Success is like a sculpture.
The next segment of sculpting
needs a different tool.
So no need for pride here.
Let’s always remain students.
Learn. Apply. Unlearn. Relearn.
Let’s keep it real.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Being Different!

– “They say you’re a legend.
You’re so successful.
But you’re so different.
Your aims. Your ways.
How did you manage that?”
– “What’s the challenge, you think?”
– “People. They don’t support different ones.”
– “Have you watched those TV programs?
The titles go like ‘My country’s got talent’.
You show up on stage.
You get a minute or two, tops.
To display your game.
You get to work. It’s drastically different.
Most people don’t understand
what you’re trying to do.
And most people don’t want to
wait for two minutes.
They boo. Some even curse.
Even the judges and anchors hint at you
to quit it and go mop in the corner.
It’s not easy to feel it all on your back.
But you don’t stop. You don’t waver.
You keep going. And suddenly,
they figure it out. And then things change.
The crowd goes silent. You finish the job.
They see something they never saw before.
They’re dumbstruck.
Then a judge stands up; starts clapping.
And the crowd goes wild. You’re their hero.”
– “Yes.”
– “What I did wasn’t gonna be over
in two minutes. Not even two years.
I knew it. I anticipated it. I was ready for it.
I never asked for their understanding
in the first place.”
– “I like that attitude.”
– “It worked only because
there was grit behind it.
I knew I could do without their understanding;
only because I knew what I was doing.
There was study. Observation. Adaptation.
There was acceptance for repeated failure.
And for mockery; derision; insults.
And a gigantic will to keep going.
No matter what happens.
You can show your magic in two minutes
only when you put efforts of two lifetimes
behind it. You’re a legend when
you can be a leech for success.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Emotional Blackmail

– “Don’t you think
abuse is a strong word for it?
I mean, it’s not like
emotional blackmailing is uncommon…”
– “Neither is murder.
Shall we stop calling it a crime?”
– “No; but people have their reasons for
emotionally blackmailing someone.
It’s not like they’re always crooked.
Sometimes,
that’s the only way a person a knows
to get things from someone else.
One may not even be aware of one’s action;
or how it’s affecting the other person.”
– “Is ignorance same as innocence?”
– “No… But…”
– “Reasons don’t define an action.
Results do.
In all situations of emotional blackmail,
Is there manipulation? Check.
Is there invalidation? Check.
Is there a guilt-trap? Check.
Is there denial of other person’s needs?
Check.
Abuse is
whenever people are forced to suffer.
Period.
And from that sense,
emotional blackmail is truly serious;
for it’s not just the relation that gets hijacked;
it’s the victim’s life.
It’s about a parasite, using a host.
So hell yes, it’s abuse and it’s NOT OK.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Love V/S Understanding

– “What’s necessary for love?”
– “Understanding.”
– “What’s necessary for understanding?”
– “Love.”
– “So which one comes first?”
– “Love.”
– “But you just said -”
– “I know.
When we’re hungry and tired,
we need to eat.
But we need to cook first.
Which we don’t want to;
for we’re hungry and tired.
Except we have to make the effort.
Without it, there’s no food.
We have to be there.
Love is that choice. Love is being there.
And both people need that facility.
Why?
Because it’s easy to love when we’re same.
Which we’re never.
There’re always differences;
and if we wish fulfilling relationships,
we need to be open about those differences.
We need communication.
A space where we can share things.
Where we can make informed choices.
Without forcing or getting forced.
It’s possible only when we have patience.
Compassion. Empathy. Sensitivity.
That’s the initial love that makes
understanding possible.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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“Those” People…

– “How can you possibly work with
those people?”
– “It’s simple. I communicate.
I make an effort to see the person as
an individual; and not their whole group.
We aren’t in the stone-age anymore.”
– “There’s so much wrong with them.
I know. I have an experience.”
– “You have AN experience.
Is that knowledge?
Or a narrow window?
The sky looks rectangular from a window.
Doesn’t mean the sky is a rectangle.
It simply means your window is.
Don’t let the window fool you.
Walk out the door and see things for real.
That’s when you’ll know: people are people.
Same as you and I.
Quit your biases and prejudices.
These stereotypes are blinding you.
You’ll begin to know people once
you accept you don’t know everything.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Exceptions: Idols?

– “Why did you bring me here, Teacher?”
– “You said the Chosen is your idol.”
– “Yes. But why are we here?”
– “What do you know about him?”
– “He’s a genius prodigy!
He achieves what nobody achieves!
He breaks norms! He acts so different!
All girls love him! He’s so cool!”
– “Why is he your idol?”
– “Well, for all the things I just listed.”
– “And what do you wish to do with it?”
– “I’ll try to be like him.”
– “And lose who you are?”
– “I’m useless!”
– “Because you aren’t like him?”
– “Exactly.”
– “Do you see that rainbow?”
– “Yes.”
– “What does it take for a rainbow to form?”
– “Specific aerial humidity.
Specific angle of sunlight.
A very specific situation.”
– “The Chosen is like that specific situation.
Specific genetics. Specific aptitude.
Cultivated in specific childhood situation.
Exposure to specific experiences;
some by choice and some by luck.
Point is, he’s a specific system.
An exception. Are you?”
– “You’re saying I’ll never be like him?”
– “What’s the goal?
To be him? Or to achieve like him?”
– “To achieve like him.”
– “Do you know any other way
we can get a rainbow?”
– “I can hold a flint-stone at a specific angle
in sunlight; get the color spectrum on floor.”
– “Don’t you think it’s easier than
trying to change aerial humidity?”
– “Sure.”
– “Each one of you is that flint-stone.
Focus on using yourself in the right angle.
You don’t need to be that prodigy;
You can get your own rainbows alright.
No need to see idols in exceptions.
No need to waste time being someone else.
Let your own successful self-image
get your juices flowing.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Problem & Approach

Loser’s reaction to problem:
“It’s only natural that I have these problems.
I’m helpless.
I’m fat because I have no time for workout.
My kids are dumb; I blame video games and Netflix.
I have extra-marital affair only because my spouse is useless.
I lose money only because capitalists have great marketing strategy.
I’m only a victim here. Blame others.
I don’t want to hear any solutions.
I’m not going to take any efforts here.
Let’s just adjust to it all.”

Winner’s response to problem:
“It’s only natural that I have these problems.
It’s only natural that I need to find solutions.
I’ll stay true to myself.
I’ll never use my problems as an excuse for deviation to self-decay.
It doesn’t matter who’s to blame.
What matters is, I’m the one getting hit.
Since I don’t want that,
I need to change myself.
For I can change only me; not others. Simple.
I’ll introspect. Check what aspect of my personality is making trouble possible.
Perhaps I need help and I’ll get it.
Let’s see how I can develop better control on the situation.
Let’s see where and how I need to rise up.
Let’s see if I need to develop better communication. Perhaps that’s what’s missing, with my spouse and kids.
Let’s see if I need to change my beliefs; my thoughts; my behavioral patterns.
I’ll plan out an action-plan.
I’ll apply it consistently and I’ll get stronger.
Let’s use this opportunity for growth.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist
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Sacrifices…

Success is evolution.
We add what we need.
We shed what we don’t.
It’s easy to know what.
The goal tells us
what it needs and what it doesn’t.
Desire helps us agree to progress
and accept sacrifice.
But remember.
The goal isn’t a physical space.
The goal is you.
You don’t arrive anywhere.
You just become it.
You don’t turn into someone else.
You become YOUR best possible self.
You need to be able to recognize that person
when you become that person.
So my friend, remember who you are.
Add and shed whatever you need;
but don’t forget your roots.
Your loved ones…
– What’s success without them?
– Without anybody to share it with?
– With just bitter memories of broken hearts?
Your health…
– No pain no gain? Sure; but –
– Renting body to diseases isn’t success.
– A Ferrari needs not just a great engine;
but a person with a heart to match it too.
And your humanity…
– You came here as a human.
– You’ll leave as a human too.
– To feel full or empty at the end,
depends on the choices you make meanwhile.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Focus It Within

– “You never criticize anyone.
People do it all the time.”
– “I have goals. No time to waste.”
– “Are you saying others have no goals?”
– “That’s up to them to find out.”
– “But criticism helps improvement.”
– “Sure. That’s why I focus it within.”
– “But what about others?”
– “I’m not their mommy.”
– “But you’re so intelligent.”
– “Which is why I know
I have no reason to assume
the world needs my intelligence.
It was here before me.
It’ll be here after me.
Meanwhile, I’ll stay true to my goals.”
– “What’s the harm to your goals here?”
– “A fly notices a toad in a pond; it says,
‘Stupid toad! Doesn’t learn to fly!’
That’s when a chameleon turns it into a meal.
Cost of distraction.
The toad notices it; it says,
‘Stupid fly! It would’ve been safe in waters!’
That’s when a python turns it into a meal.
Cost of distraction.
That’s what criticizing others does to us.
We get high on judging others;
and out of the blue
there’s no ground to come back to.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Power Of Moderation

– “How to live life?”
– “What’s the purpose of life?”
– “Survival and growth.”
– “In a word, I’d say continuation.”
– “Sure, in most natural terms.”
– “We have the ability for it.
What we need is to retain it.
Have you seen the circus rope-walker?
How does he manage not to fall off?”
– “He maintains balance.”
– “Same goes with life.
The aim is to keep moving forward.
But there’re appeals right and left.
They have gravity to them.
It works on us only when we let it.
Key is to be mindful of our balance.
Never lean to any one side too much.”
– “Examples?”
– “Think of polar opposites. Avoid both.
Not too much capitalism…
: Have goals.
: But don’t let ambition turn to greed.
And not too much communism either.
: Share things with others.
: But don’t play mommy for the lazy.
Not too much tradition…
: Have a culture.
: But don’t live in an obsolete past.
And not too much modernism either.
: Be independent in thought.
: But don’t forget your roots.
Not too much consumerism…
: Escape to fun.
: But don’t forget the path back to reality.
And not too much abstinence either.
: Maintain a grip.
: But don’t invalidate your needs.
Over-rate nothing and nobody.
Under-rate nothing and nobody.
Everything in moderation, my friend.
And last but not the least…
: Don’t turn this moderation itself into
yet another absolute law.
Let’s not tragically defeat its very spirit.
It’s only human to deviate occasionally.
Just get back on track in time.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Acceptance & Transcendence

– “How to deal with negativity?”
– “Understand it. Most people don’t.”
– “What do most people do?”
– “They offer denial to it.
That’s what turns negative things negative.
They offer refusal to reality.
It gives plasticity to negativity.
Assuring the very horror we hope to run from.”
– “But what other option are we left with?”
– “Acceptance.”
– “Nonsense. That’s submission.
That’s surrender. That’s defeat.”
– “My friend, I’m talking about acceptance;
not agreement.
Of course we disagree with negativity.
But we must accept it’s there.
We must accept reality.”
– “That’s just making peace with
a disagreement.
What good will that do?”
– “This universe is in a constant flux.
Everything comes from something else.
Positivity is negativity arranged differently.
To transcend negativity and reach positivity,
we must see negativity as a stepping stone.
The first step of the staircase of
necessary effort.
It’ll remain hollow till we offer denial to it.
Can’t step on what’s hollow, now can you?
It’s solid only when we accept it.
Only that acceptance lets us step up.
Only that acceptance lets us climb up:
study it; know it; learn its mechanisms;
find counter-measures; strategize; apply; win.
For that’s what negativity is:
Inspiration for rise, growth, betterment.
And possibly source of building blocks for it.
To see it as such, is a choice.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Love: Reciprocation Is Inspiration

– “How did the two of you make it work?”
– “A common choice.
To be there for each other.”
– “How did you manage to continue
making that choice? All these years?”
– “Simple.
Initially, attraction is Nature’ choice.
And love is yours.
When both of you make that choice,
it makes both of you want to repeat it.
When choices get reciprocation,
Nature turns them into inspiration.
Then you don’t feel like ‘I need to’.
Then you feel like ‘I want to.’
Then love isn’t a choice anymore.
For you become love. You become one.
With each other. And with Nature.
And then you’re gold!”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Strength: A Choice

– “Do you think I can?”
– “I don’t need to. You do.”
– “I don’t think I can.”
– “That’s a great reason to try.
What was the last time
you surprised yourself?”
– “I don’t have the strength.”
– “Then choose it.”
– “That’s great for internet philosophy.
But strength doesn’t show up
out of thin air.”
– “Show me your hand.”
– “Here. What about it?”
– “Now slap yourself with it.”
– “Why the hell would I do that?”
– “You’ll realize it doesn’t happen quickly.
First you choose to raise your hand.
It’s slow at first. But you keep moving it.
Your hand catches momentum.
You get dedicated. Committed. Consistent.
You don’t stop. You don’t weaver.
You get close to your goal. Progressively.
And sooner than you thought, you get
the ecstatic feel of a tight slap on your cheek.
I’m not asking you to choose strength.
I’m asking you to choose to HAVE strength.
There’s a difference.
You don’t have it now. But you can build it.
In fact, that’s the whole goal.
You don’t reach a goal.
You become compatible with it.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Enemies Of Knowledge

“Why do we see very few
knowledgeable souls?” asked the King.
“For very few choose to be,” said the Advisor.
“How do people choose not to?”
“Let me show you, Sire.”

The Advisor brought in three men.
A young man known to be a failure.
A middle-age man with three failed businesses.
An old professor who could’ve been a scientist;
but wasn’t.

The advisor said,
“I’ll show each one of you an egg.
You’ll tell me what creature it came from.
You can use the royal library for information.”

The young man was shown a lizard’s egg.
It was so tiny.
The man blurted out, “It’s a chicken’s egg;
just didn’t develop much. Happens sometimes.”
The Advisor looked at the King.
“That’s how most people disable their mind.
Chosen ignorance.”

The businessman was shown a snake’s egg.
He went to the library and came back quickly.
He said, “It’s a dragon’s egg.”
The Advisor asked, “Which book says that?”
The man said, “No; the librarian’s kid told me.”
The Advisor looked at the King.
“That’s how habitual losers disable their mind.
Misinformation by wrong choice of source.”

The old professor was shown a robin’s egg.
It was so blue and beautiful.
The professor went to the library and
came back five hours later.
He said, “This can’t just be a robin’s egg.
We have texts that say this is how aliens
brought life to earth.”
The Advisor looked at the King.
“That’s how scholars disable their mind.
Compulsive over-analysis.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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How To Choose Goals?

– “How to choose goals?”
– “What do you wish out of goals?”
– “Achievement.”
– “What do you wish to do with it?”
– “I just want to have it.”
– “Because you think you’re supposed to?”
– “Am I not?”
– “Not at all. You’re not here to play a role.”
– “Then why am I here?”
– “To be you. And to be the best of you.”
– “So I shouldn’t aim for an achievement?”
– “Of course you should.
Just know its significance.
Most people expect you to play a role.
That’s what they’re playing too.
The role of an achiever.
They get role-models and copy them.
Not just their methods; but their goals too.
They end up collecting a whole lot of
nonsensical garbage
they’re told to see as precious.
Sure it’s precious;
what makes it nonsensical garbage is
its uselessness to that particular individual.
Arriving at somebody else’s destination
won’t make you happy, my friend.
To be happy, you need to be you.
To be the best of you, you need to grow you.
Achievement isn’t the end of it.
Achievement is the tool for it.
Don’t just collect trophies to catch dust.
Get things useful to you and use them on you;
that personal expression is what life is about.
To that effect, explore; know who you are;
where you shine best;
what you truly love to do;
stay true to it.
Maybe you don’t really want to be a CEO.
Maybe you love more to have your own gym.
Direct money accordingly.
Choose goals that help you shine
your best positive self.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Grow Your Own Wings.

– “You’re so successful. How did you win?
You must’ve made friends with winners.”
– “Why’d I do that?”
– “Because we should be in
company of those above us. Weren’t you?”
– “I tried. Turns out, those above me
had heard the same wordporn.
They were interested in have-it-alls
above them; not wannabes below them.”
– “Oh. So how did you manage it?”
– “I saw birds.
They don’t get wings. They grow wings.
And once they do,
the whole sky is open to them.
Made me realize there’s no hierarchy.
There’s no ladder.
Nobody is above or below me.
This is my flight. Mine alone.
And if it’s to be longer and higher like eagles,
there will be no sponsors.
I have to grow my own strength.
And I realized success isn’t just in the gain;
it’s mostly in gaining the ability for the gain.
I found inspiration
more in hustlers than winners.
And I had ascension
in being different rather than deferent.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Success: The Sync

– “I have goals. But I get distracted.”
– “If you can get distracted,
then you don’t have goals.
You have mere dreams.”
– “No, I have specific destinations in mind.
But I hate the journey.
What I need to do isn’t what I want to do.”
– “Then you haven’t understood what’s success.”
– “Please help me understand.”
– “The journey isn’t separate from
the destination.
The journey itself turns into the destination.
Success isn’t just about getting things.
Success is the very action of building things.
A bodybuilder’s goal isn’t just a physique.
The daily work-out itself is a goal.
He enjoys the very feel of iron load
stretching and contracting his muscles.
He finds peace in it.
He works out because he loves to.
The gains are a mere result of that self-love.
Success is when you do what you love to do.
To achieve significance,
is to find things you can love to do.
Of course there are some aspects
you may not find lovable.
A bodybuilder may not particularly like
hauling loads from the rack to the barbell
and back to the rack.
But if the love is bright enough,
you spend that time
planning the next set in mind
rather than hating the haul.
To turn necessary actions into desires,
do what you love and love what you do.
Be smart about that love.
Sure, be selective.
But once selected, be fully active.”

© Apoorva | Counselor & Psychologist
| Life Empowerment |

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Anxiety. And Anxiety of Anxiety.

You dread it.
It can be anything.
An exam. A date.
An interview. A social gathering.
You dread it. And not just it.
You dread the dread in it.
You have past experience.
You were miserable.
You hated it.
You’re scared it’ll happen again.
That fear makes sure it does.
The belief turns to reality.
You end up actualizing what you feared.
It’s natural.
But you can beat it.
You can take professional help.
For the disease that it is.
But the most important thing you can do is,
you can understand it.
Why do we have anxiety?
It’s data given by our system about our weakness.
Of course it’s uncomfortable.
As it should be.
Nature wants us to be uncomfortable with it;
so that we’ll be inspired to beat it
and try to develop abilities we lack.
It’s the simplest remedy.
What makes it complicated, is our approach.
We don’t listen to nature.
We don’t work on our weaknesses.
We let them be; adding to the anxiety.
At the same time,
we scold ourselves for that anxiety.
We think we shouldn’t have it.
Which is illogical, isn’t it?
You can’t be weak and not feel it
at the same time.
But that’s exactly what we demand.
Our system flips us the bird.
That’s what develops the dread of the dread.
How about a little acceptance here?
How about accepting three facts?
One: We need to grow strengths.
Two: We can.
Three: It’s OK if that growth is gradual.
It’s OK if we fail initially.
It’s only natural that we would.
Miracles don’t happen;
we don’t need them either.
It’s OK to say failure is OK,
so long as we see it as experience.
It’s OK if we go through a learning curve.
No need to scold ourselves for it.
No need to be rude.
Nobody wins instantaneously.
Real growth is always gradual.
So how about being real here?
Your problem isn’t anxiety;
your problem is your weakness.
Accept that it’s there and it’s real;
accept that growth is gradual.
Let’s work on the roots; not the branches.
Let’s gradually turn reasons for anxiety into
reasons for confidence.
Only reality beats reality.
Anxiety is your system’s argument with you;
but it can’t argue with results of your action.
Don’t fight this fight in your mind.
Bring it into your action.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Quit Roles.

– “I don’t get you. You’re so different.
From others. And from yourself too.
It’s like you’re always a different person.
Each time. Each place.
And yet, you always get what you want.
You figure out solutions to any problem.
Help me understand. What is it?”
– “Did you take out the trash?”
– “Yes.”
– “Why did it become trash?”
– “Well, it was useful no more.”
– “Because it used to fit somewhere
but now it fits nowhere?”
– “Exactly.”
– “What’s the one thing we never trash?”
– “I… can’t say.”
– “Have you ever trashed air?”
– “How can we? It’s… air.”
– “If we needed to trash it,
humans would’ve found a way.
But we don’t. For we don’t need to.
It’s always useful. Everywhere.
Even polluted air is recycled and reused.
Know why it’s so damn useful?”
– “It’s useful, for it can be.
Its form can be changed.”
– “Exactly. It fits everywhere;
for it fits to nothing in particular.
It sticks to no form.
That’s me. I’m air. I’m fluid.
No roles. No scripts. No ideals.
I reject everything that makes me rigid.
It’s the rigidity that turns us into trash.
People exploit us when
our roles are predictable.
Problems defeat us when
our ways are no more applicable.”
– “You don’t react in pre-set predictable forms.
You respond as per the situation. Smart.”
– “Life changes all the time.
Situations shift and parameters alter.
Survival and success need us to change too.
Those who set themselves in patterns, fail.
Those who live free of patterns, succeed.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Problem Is What We Make Of It

– “Why most people can’t solve problems?”
asked the king.
– “Most people choose not to,” said the advisor.
“They reshape a problem; they don’t resolve.”
– “Show me,” mused the king.
The Advisor brought in three people.
A jeweler, a gambler,
and the gambler’s brother.
The advisor said to no-one in particular,
– “My friend, your fear is true.
What you always thought has happened.
This is your moment. Cease it.”
Each man thought, ‘This is about me.’
The jeweler grabbed the gambler’s throat.
– “I knew it! You’re the one my wife is
cheating on me with!!” he screamed.
“But of course, it’s my fault!
I don’t give her time!”
The gambler, in turn, kicked him in the gut.
– “I knew it! You’re the one who sent thugs
to rob me of my gold!!” he screamed.
“I need to pet a hyena from now on!”
The gambler’s brother rushed to the king.
– “My king, I know my brother has sinned.
He stole from your depository, didn’t he?
Same as you always thought he would, huh?
Please spare him! I’ll give him a good beating!”
The advisor said, “Why are you all assuming?
I was talking about the economic crisis,
that’s all. You all feared it, didn’t you?
Well, this is your moment. Cash on it.”
All three men looked dumbstruck.
The advisor turned to the king.
– “You see, Sire?
The jeweler has a suspicious nature;
also a complex about his duty as a husband.
He reshaped the problem and solution accordingly.
The gambler has an insecure nature;
also a passive-aggressive personality.
He reshaped the problem and solution accordingly.
His brother tends to be a parent to him;
also thinks a beating sets a brat straight.
He reshaped the problem and solution accordingly.
This is what we do.
We take a stand before we even understand.
Solutions need two actions.
First, understand the problem as it is.
Second, find a solution that caters to the goal.
Most people fail at both.
They force their own perceptions to
what the problem is, and
what its solution must be.
They just create yet another problem.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Competition V/S Evolution

– “Our Ace didn’t win the Prince’s competition.
Still, the King gave him a job
equal to the prize.
Not to the actual winner. Why, Teacher?”
– “What was the Prince’s competition about?”
– “Race to the top of the mountain.
Should’ve taken a day for a seasoned racer.”
– “And what was the prize?”
– “An opportunity to lead an army unit
for high terrain warfare.”
– “Why wasn’t the Ace the winner?”
– “He didn’t bother with the race at all.
He spent an entire week
in the woods of the mountain.”
– “Familiarizing himself with the jungle vibes.
Noticing the ways of predators and
routes of the hunters.
Observing how jungle cats set bait
and how monkeys balance their weight.
Studying which leaves heal the sick
and which roots strengthen the weak.
Knowing how to escape a bear
and which wood turns into the best spear.
He breathed in the jungle.
He tuned with it. He became one with it.
That’s what inspired him; he stayed true to it.
He developed versatile skills.
He evolved real eligibility for the prize job.
The Prince thought
all it takes is ability to race.
He and the winner are in for a sad surprise
later when they lead armies at high terrain.
But the King knows better.
He has an eye for the real gem.
He made our Ace the leader of another unit.
That’s why our Ace is the Ace.
He knows the real aim is evolution;
not necessarily winning
a poorly thought-out competition.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Situation V/S Solution

– “They say you’re good at solutions.
What’s your secret?”
– “My folks were dentists.
They had three solutions to dental issues.
Re-arrange it – that was for wayward teeth.
Fill it – that was for cavities in teeth.
Replace it – that was for fully rotten teeth.
They taught me,
solutions depend on situations.
Some problems can be solved by
rearrangement of what’s already there.
Like management of things and people.
Some problems can be solved by
adding what’s not there.
Like bringing in better things and people.
Some problems are solved by
removing what should not be there
and replacing it with what should be.
Like tossing a Narcissist a-hole out of life
and bringing in a down-to-earth soul
who knows reality.
Never get too attached to anything.
Especially not to ways of handling problems.
Before you think of solutions,
know the situation for what it is.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Business: Sell Ones; But Never Be A Product

– “You’re so successful.
You must’ve developed great contacts.
What’s your secret?”
– “I maintained only those contacts
who saw me as a contact too;
and not as a contract.”
– “What’s contact versus contract?”
– “In this game,
being in the game itself is the hard win.
Everyone needs to keep making a sale.
Everyone needs assortment of assets.
And assets are sold in two situations.
One – when they eventually become liability.
Two – when they can directly be salability.
Few people wait for processes to complete.
Many rush for quick gains;
they hunt for the second possibility.
Best candidates for that are people,
not products.
People like me with sellable qualities.
People who can be easily seen as products.
People who can be sold to others
as a contract.
I’ve always been vigilant.
People observe me, I scan them.
They collect data of
what I am as a professional.
I collect data of who they are as humans.
I know they’ll discard me any time
with clinical detachment.
I beat them at it.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Relation V/S Subscription

They didn’t have a relation.
They had a subscription.
As in, they subscribed to each other.
The way you subscribe to a YouTube channel.
For the same reason you surf YouTube.
To have a good time. Nothing else.

The arrangement was simple.
Both would generate quality content and
show it to each other.
Not just gifts and hearts and balloons.
It was in dressing. Talking. Even thinking.
Everything was cut to conform to latest trends.
Everything was cut to each other’s approval.
They’d like, dislike and comment.
Or sometimes they’d say nothing.
Both would take the hint and
change the quality and content.
They thought that’s what a relationship is.

One fine morning,
both woke up to the same conclusion.
It was time for break-up.
For the same reason
you shut down your YouTube channel
or unsubscribe one: not fun anymore.
Both were tired of ‘customer is the king’ policy.
Both were tired of watching the same content.
The break-up was clean.
What came later was dirty.

Both realized it was never just for fun.
Nature had played its role
beyond the comprehension of their
consumerist brains.
They had developed deep feelings for each other.
It’s not easy to unsubscribe people.
And it’s horrible to get unsubscribed by them.

They tried to fill the void by
quickly subscribing to other people.
And of course the same cycle repeated itself.
In today’s consumerist culture,
when relationship is reduced into
production, exploitation and excretion,
it’s open market for
insecurity, anxiety, and depression.

Both never asked themselves
two basic questions.
One. Sure, relationship should have fun in it;
but should humans become
consumable products?
Two. Sure, relationship needs change in us;
but with what approach?
Editing selves into socially scripted roles?
Or evolving together to mutually enriching goals?

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Turning The Other Cheek?

– “You don’t turn the other cheek, do you…”
– “No. I see little wisdom in carrying
two swollen cheeks.”
– “But why do you assume
you’ll get two swollen cheeks?
Maybe you should remain silent.
Maybe they’ll realize their mistake.”
– “Sure. That’s a possibility.
Except I don’t wait for its actuality.
I prefer to be proactive there.
And before you preach me philosophy,
let me help you understand physics.
For that’s what runs this universe.
Entropy of the universe always increases.
That’s second law of thermodynamics.
We live in a universe whose natural tendency
is disintegration and disorder.
If we want integration and order,
we have to specifically choose it.
Misbehavior left unanswered is
more probable to encourage its repetition;
rather than its replacement with rationality.
For change needs an incentive;
there’s none here.
Not in lambs silent in front of the butcher.
Sure, people have capacity for rationality.
But if misbehavior gives them easy results,
they see rationality only in its continuation.
Today, it’s a slap to one cheek. Tomorrow,
there’ll be a sawn-off shotgun to the temple.
Can’t turn any more cheeks then;
the head itself won’t be there.
I’m all in for surprises; but not that kind.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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The Test

– “Goodbye, sir.”
– “But you passed my test.”
– “And you failed mine.”
– “I tested your capacity for your goal.
Which is: following orders.
You have it. You fired your own brother.
You have the heart for hard choices.
You have a good future with us.”
– “You were testing me.
By observing how, I was testing you too.
You have no idea what the goal is;
let alone what capacity is required for it.
The goal is to maintain discipline.
My brother was a mole. So selfish.
I fired him for he was a threat to the goal.
You didn’t even know, did you?
You wanted him gone only because
he was a threat to your ambitions.
You focused only on my ability
to draw blood of my kin for an order.
I’m focusing on the fact that you think
discipline is in dictations of your whims.
Same as my brother. That’s paradoxical.
Of course I can make hard choices;
but only by vigilance; not obedience.”
– “Kid, you think I’ll let you go so easily?
I’ll destroy you.”
– “Oh dear, my mistake. Let me clarify.
When I said goodbye,
I wasn’t talking about me quitting my job.
I was letting you know you’re fired.”
– “What?”
– “I’m the new CEO of this company.
And this is my way of testing people.
Pretending to be a mid-level manager
has its perks.
Everybody respects upper command.
That’d have blinded me.
But a lot can be learned by observing
how people treat those under their command.
And you, dear sir, failed my test.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Past You: Accept. Forgive. Move On.

– “I can’t forgive myself. It’s my past.
I’ve hurt others. I’ve hurt myself.
I wasn’t true to myself.”
– “You can’t forgive yourself;
for you choose not to.
You think you have no right. But you do.”
– “Please enlighten me. How?”
– “Let’s say your past self was
either stupid or an a-hole. Maybe both.
Let’s say that past self victimized
others and itself too.
But why are we letting it continue
doing that to yet another person?”
– “What another person?”
– “The PRESENT you!
Your past self wasn’t who you’re today.
That was some idiot with less awareness.
Unconsciousness bred those mistakes.
You thought you knew what you were doing.
That’s why you think you’re a culprit.
But the present misery tells us that’s false.
You didn’t have the whole picture back then.
But today you do. And you feel differently.
We’re our feelings.
If you feel different, you ARE different.
The past has no right to hurt the present.
And the present has no need to let it.
If you want reasons why you should move on,
I have a damn good one for you.”
– “What is it?”
– “Mistakes are building blocks of life.
Past is valuable experience;
for it’s useful data.
It’s damn good empowerment for a future.
It’s sheer nonsense to let the building blocks
remain an unused heap and turn into a rot.
Sometimes others give us lemons.
Sometimes we give ourselves lemons.
Either way, we can make lemonade.
Accept yourself with your past.
We’re our trophies and failures, both.
Let’s respect life by accepting both.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Accept. Observe. Transcend.

– “How to deal with life?”
– “First, check why the question arises.”
– “Life brings positivity. Desirable.
Life brings negativity too. Undesirable.
That gives us a problem.”
– “No, my friend. That’s not the problem.”
– “Then what is?”
– “The desirable agrees with our belief.
So we agree with the desirable.
We desire it to be a constant.
Makes us develop a second belief:
We believe it MUST be a constant.
Along comes the undesirable.
Shows us nothing is constant.
It disagrees with both of our beliefs.
So we disagree with the undesirable.
We react to it with REJECTION.
We think we’re fighting with it. In truth,
we’re imprisoned with our own beliefs.
That cancels any productive action from us.
Absent action, negativity grows.
And that’s why we have a problem.”
– “So what’s the key to solve it?
Shall we agree with the negatives too?”
– “It’s a biological impossibility.
We can’t agree with the negatives.
It’s our biological dharma to defeat it.
And to do that, the key is to
walk beyond agreements and denials.
UNDO BELIEFS.
And ACCEPT things as they are.
When we stop rejecting reality,
we’re free to OBSERVE it with open eyes.
It helps us to get empowered
with data, about
WHY things are negative; and
HOW to turn them positive.
The first step for transcendence is
acceptance.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Opinions V/S Solutions

– “Why most people can’t find solutions?”
asked the King.
– “That’s because they choose not to.”
said the Advisor.
– “Do elaborate,” mused the King.
The Advisor bowed. He requested the presence of the King’s three Princes.
He asked them, “How should we solve the city’s drainage issues?”
The elder Prince waved the problem away.
– “Silly,” he said. “Get the slaves to work.”
The middle Prince offered his wisdom,
– “Such cruelty, brother mine. Be humane.
Get the engineers to expand the sewers.”
The younger brother jumped in.
– No. Rebuild the whole city on a slope…”
And then, they began fighting.
– “You want to waste the engineers on something silly like drainage, when we could engage their skills to build great fortresses?”
– “You want to risk public uprising by burdening the slaves with more humiliation?”
– “You’ll raise our glorious city to the ground? And where would we live meanwhile?”
The Advisor addressed the King.
– “You see, Sire; this is how people fail.
Now it’s not about the problem anymore.
It’s about personal prestige.
Everyone wants to be seen as clever!
They’re all arguing with logic and reason;
but that’s just a façade.
If they really cared for reason,
they’d have discussed rather than fight.
They have differences;
but nobody accepts a common factor:
Nobody ever observed the sewers!
Worse – nobody wants to!
Everybody declares a solution;
but nobody understands the problem.
Problem solving needs –
– acceptance that a problem exists;
– acceptance that a solution doesn’t;
– agreement that a solution needs construction;
– we must welcome difference in opinion;
– for absent a solution; we need to reach
beyond individual perception;
– and only that humility awards us vision.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Anxiety V/S Action

– “How do you beat anxiety?”
– “Why should I beat it?”
– “It’s an obstacle. Makes us uncomfortable.”
– “No. We turn it into an obstacle.
We make ourselves uncomfortable.”
– “What are you talking about?”
– “Nothing starts as anxiety. Things begin
as a flow of sensation. Information.
We realize something is out of our control.
For now. Which can be changed.
But we do nothing about it.
For we choose to hate change.
We get into denial mode.
We build a dam of inaction.
A dam doesn’t stop the flow.
It only makes the water rise up.
Adding to its own pressure.
That’s what makes us uncomfortable.”
– “So the key is action.”
– “Always is.
Action begins as observation.
If scary things are in immediate future,
it’s our cue to accept shit happens;
no need to demand
we must always be superheroes;
tomorrow is another day; and
we can still adapt to it. So get to it.
If scary things are in distant future,
it’s our cue to accept
shit doesn’t need to happen;
no need to think we’ll always be helpless;
and we have a really good chance
to adapt to it. So get to it.
Anxiety goes away when
we accept ourselves and things as they are;
and we agree both can be changed.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Don’t Wait. Act.

– “How do we get things?
Is it our luck? Or is it our action?”
– “I don’t know HOW.
But I know WHAT gets us things.”
– “What?”
– “When I was a kid, I’d throw a tantrum
whenever I wanted toys.
Sometimes it worked.
Sometimes I’d get a good beating;
and I’d shut up and play empty-handed.”
– “Oh. So it’s luck…”
– “My old man was a street vendor.
Each dawn, he’d leave home
pushing a handcart loaded with goods.
He’d never stop pushing it.
He’d never stop calling out.
He’d call twenty times; and maybe
he’d get one customer.
You’d think his voice would grow harsher.
No. It’d go sweeter as dawn turned to dusk.
It taught me a fundamental of life.
He was no different than me.
He also threw a tantrum in front of life.
Every single day.
Only difference was, he’d never shut up.
And his tantrums were a bit more methodic.
And he never came home empty-handed.”
– “Oh… So action builds our luck…”
– “Action builds us. Nature still controls
when and where we meet our goal;
the trick is to turn ourselves into gravity for it.
The lesson is simple.
You want things? You give a call.
By thought. And speech. And action.
You don’t wait. You get restless.
You walk toward it. You don’t stop walking.
And yes, adapt and improve. With each step,
you turn ambition to precision.
Your consistency and evolution
makes your goal restless too.
It doesn’t wait for you either.
You meet it halfway on the road.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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From Haters To Fans…

– “People used to mock you.
Today they idolize you.
How did you change their mind?”
– “I didn’t. They did.”
– “I see. What made them?”
– “My results.”
– “Oh?”
– “Most people worship the old.
The old is familiar and comfortable.
Most people hate the new.
The new is unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
People mistake conformity for humility.
My methods being unorthodox,
I was an impurity.
They hated it. A redundant evolutionary trait.
It was guised as laughter, derision, mockery.”
– “How did you bear it?”
– “First I checked if there was merit to it.
First I checked if I was copying them:
Rushing to invalidate
what makes us uncomfortable.
Turns out I had plenty of flaws;
but none that’d invalidate my vision.
I realized such reaction from people
is a part of the process of
actualizing new visions.
It became just another aspect of the
challenge.
I accepted it. I embraced it.
And I tossed it away and focused on effort.
And then I achieved results.
Turns out people can argue with estimation;
but not its fruition.
That’s when my haters shut up.
And others began looking me up.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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So All I’m Saying Is, I Love You…

– “What is love, for you?”
– “Accepting you as you are.
And embracing it.”
– “You’re OK with me as I am?”
– “I want you as you are.”
– “There’re certain differences in us.”
– “As there’re definite similarities.
I fell in love with those similarities.
It’s my choice to love the differences too.”
– “Most people can’t.”
– “I’m not most people. I’m me.
And I’m not perfect. I’m not complete.
And no, you don’t complete me either.
And I’m not looking for completion.
I have friends for life.
I want a friend for soul.
Two people need not be same, to be that.
They just need to be there for each other.
That’s all.
I don’t want to change you.
If I change you, I’ll lose you.
I’ll lose what I love.
And I’ll never do that to myself.
To be there for me, you must be you.
So all I’m saying is, I love you.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Be Mindful: You Have Goals.

– “Why did you leave the debate?”
– “It failed its goal.
The goal was to find betterment.
It needed humility to two facts.
1. We aren’t there yet.
2. We don’t know how to get there yet.
The approach should’ve been
~ “Let’s find a way.”
Instead, everybody’s approach was
~ “My way is the highway.”
That deviated the debate
from a try for development to argument.
Everybody rushed to declare a solution;
but nobody understood the problem.
I realized I wasn’t in growth space.
And I have goals that need growth space.
And that was my cue to change my space.
To reach where we want to,
we need to be mindful of
where, when and with whom we are.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Why Compare?

– “Teacher, which one is better?”
– “Is the purpose same for all?”
– “Not necessarily.
Each one can be differently tasked.”
– “Then nothing and no-one is better.
Everything and everyone is unique.
Everything has a specific quality.
Everyone has a specific trait of humanity.
Each thing can be useful for something.
Each one can be suitable for someone.
Don’t set everything and everyone
to the same goal.
Set a goal to each thing and each one.
Reject comparison. Develop vision.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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“Rescuer”(!)

A lizard saw a spider. Got hungry.
It attacked. Quick. But not quick enough.
The spider shimmied away quickly.
The lizard’s tail got stuck in a trap.
The poor creature couldn’t free itself.
A cockroach saw it all.
It got in the mood for heroics.
Went in to free the damsel in distress.
Forgot that the lizard was hungry.
Didn’t know it liked roaches too.
More than it liked its freedom, apparently.
So the rescuer became dinner.
The cockroach’s soul escaped its body.
Flied to the enlightened bee.
Told the story. Cursed the lizard.
The bee smiled. Said, “Come with me.”
They went back to the lizard.
It was still stuck, of course.
The bee said, “Do you know why you’re stuck?”
The lizard said, “Are you blind? My tail is stuck.”
The bee said, “Are you stupid?
Part with your tail, stupid.”
The lizard said, “But I love my tail.”
The bee said, “Do you love your life?”
The lizard said, “Yes.”
The bee said, “Then shut up and get smart.
Tail will grow back. Your life won’t come back.”
The lizard got smart.
Began parting with its tail.
The bee hinted at the cockroach’s soul.
They flew away.
The bee said, “Learned anything?”
The cockroach’s soul said, “Yes.
– The lizard faced problems due to its own karma. To find solution, it needed to introspect. Accept its mistakes. Adapt. I never gave it that chance. I tried to play the hero. Moreover, I didn’t even check the possible ramifications. Greed for food was the whole point of its problem. I should’ve known it’ll see me as food too; not rescuer. People who aren’t aware of the flaw in their karma will continue that karma. And a rescuer who doesn’t try to raise that awareness will be its first casualty. As I turned out to be.
– You were smarter than me. You didn’t deny it help. But you offered it as provision of learning space. You made it change its own karma. Shed its weakness. Find courage to face a loss for a while. Grow back up stronger and wiser. And you were smart enough to fly away in time; in case the lizard still hadn’t learned anything. The lesson is, help people. But be smart about it.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Choose. Don’t Get Seduced.

– “It’s forbidden for most.
It’s available to you.
You have success. You have power.
Yet, you say no. Madness. Why?”
– “I sense an implication here.
You’re saying
I must want it, if I can have it.”
– “What’s the point of getting power,
if you deny yourself pleasures it brings?”
– “My friend,
Those who lack power are in need.
They’re slaves to existential thirsts.
Those who have power are in excess.
They’re slaves to obsessive lusts.
What’s common between both, is that
both see no choices.
The former don’t have any, by need.
The latter choose not to have any,
by their own consumerist creed.
I rose to power; I rose above slaves;
but if lusts replace needs; I’m still a slave.
I got this power so as to have ample choices.
I’ll remain in power if
I retain COMMAND over those choices.
True power is in that self-control.
No, I don’t deny myself pleasures.
I’m no hermit. Never claimed to be.
I just don’t make myself a slave to pleasures.
I choose when I want growth;
I choose when I want to party.
It’s easy to say yes to everything.
I can choose when to say no to anything.
That’s power.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Love is…

Love is…
When talking with your partner
feels same as opening a window
and feeling the morning sun on your face.

When looking at your partner at work
feels same as watching a toddler playing,
almost autistic, so engrossed; makes you smile.

When noticing your partner’s innocent errors
feels same as opening an old cupboard
and finding old photos, making you laugh.

When being imperfect in front of your partner
feels same as being alone in the house;
you can be yourself; there’s no judgment.

When helping your partner in anguish
feels same as cooking your specialty of dish;
you just know you’re meant for it.

When knowing your partner got success
feels same as looking at your garden;
there’re tears in your eyes; you’re laughing.

When cuddling with your partner,
and going to sleep feels same as praying and
quickly finding God. You’re bound; you’re free.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Your Best Asset

– “What’s my best asset?”
– “Your best asset is you.”
– “That’s thrilling; but is it realistic?”
– “It can be if you choose it.”
– “Best asset is one that never depletes.
Do I have any such asset with me?”
– “Most people think of external assets.
All external assets deplete.
Most people keep searching for new assets.
But there’s an asset within each one of us.
One that can refill depleted assets.”
– “Which is?”
– “Our approach about our strength.
Use your strength to its fullest.
It’ll decrease, yes.
But then you rest. Recover.
Nature refills it for you.
And that refill is always a bit extra.
Basic evolution.
Full use of strength is seen as a crisis.
Nature provides surplus.
In case the crisis repeats.
Use this fact to your advantage.
Today’s achievement; next day’s investment.
Cycle your surplus gains
back into the capital.
Get a bigger surplus. Repeat.
Holds true for any of your goals.
Fitness. Finances. Knowledge. Relations.
That’s how we grow. In anything.
Doesn’t matter how little your strength is
at present. Just apply it to its fullest.
Remember, you’re on the rise.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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From Past-Failures To Ex-Wins…

– “You have a past of failures.”
– “I have a present of successes.”
– “How did you transform?”
– “I built my failures into a staircase.
And I kept climbing.”
– “That’s poetic. But it fails in real life.
Simply facing failures isn’t enough.
Repeating the same yields no different result.
Come on. Be real. How did you do it?”
– “I just told you. Seems you weren’t listening.
Fine. I’ll elaborate.
You mentioned facing failures.
That means simply looking AT them.
I looked INTO them. I read into them.
They were data. I used it for improvements.
My approach. My direction. My method.
Failures didn’t just remain a flat way.
They became building blocks for a staircase.
I was climbing up.
With each new fail, I was failing a bit better.”
– “But how could failures alone be enough?”
– “Who said they were? Each failure told me
my staircase was still short.
Each failure told me I needed more blocks.
Each failure brought me down to the ground.
It was a call for me
to think beyond what I knew.
Search beyond what I had. And I did.
I gathered more data. From others’ wins.
Sure, none of it could be applied blindly.
I saw which part of it could fit to my goal.
Their wins and my experience united.
That’s what made
each new step of my staircase a bit taller.
One fine morning, I stepped up; and
I wasn’t looking at an abyss.
I had reached. Oh, I had reached!
Now I knew how to do this again.
Now I was inspired for more.
I’ve built many such staircases since then.
I’m never ashamed of my failures.
They’ve taken me where I wanted to be.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Breaking Up With Comfort Zone

– “How did you leave your comfort zone?”
– “It left me.”
– “Why?”
– “Guess I made it uncomfortable.”
– “How?”
– “Comfort is bred by familiarity.
Familiarity is bred by time.
I never gave my zone that much time.
The relationship never worked.
We wanted different things.
I want my partner to help me
build an identity.
My comfort zone wanted me
to make it my identity.
I don’t like such possessiveness.
Still, I went with the flow, for a while.
But soon I realized it was controlling me.
I asked myself what made it dare that.
Turns out, it was me,
deviating from my originality. I woke up.
I’m good company for stability; but
I’m just not good company for stagnancy.
So I began spending more time in parties –
~ in my gym; and work; and hobbies.
And I began drinking a lot –
~ satisfaction of consistent efforts.
And… don’t tell anyone; but…
I also began cheating. I started an affair –
~ with the idea of winning little objectives
that’d add into fulfillment of my main goal.
It was… thrilling. Exciting. So… satisfying…
My comfort zone heard about it.
We had a fight. I didn’t even bother denying
or defending myself. We both realized
our relation had begun as attraction;
but there was never any love in it.
We broke up.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Intelligence V/S Consistence

– “You rate consistence over intelligence.
Why?”
– “One may have intelligence.
But it’s useful only if applied.
~ And success isn’t in possession.
Success is in implementation.

Intelligence is Nature’s gift.
Effort is our choice.
~ And success isn’t gifted.
Success is a result of qualities activated.

Intelligence is just a tool.
Experience is the idol it carves.
~ And success isn’t seen in chisels.
Success is seen in sculptures.

Intelligence isn’t knowledge.
It’s merely ability for knowledge.
~ And success isn’t in present ability.
Success is in growing ability’s quality.

Intelligence is a possibility of success.
Diligence is actuality of progress.
One must be present everyday and act.
Consistence is what turns it into a fact.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Relationship-Goal: Friendship!

– “What’s your relationship-goal?”
– “To be a good friend with my partner.”
– “That sounds rather mediocre.”
– “See many couples with great friendships?”
– “Umm… Well…”
– “See people playing a parent for partners?”
– “Yes. I also see people playing a little child.”
– “See people playing a rescuer for partners?”
– “Yes. I also see people faking helplessness.”
– “See people playing a judge for partners?”
– “Yes. I also see people repeating stupidity.”
– “See people preaching to their partners?”
– “As I see submissiveness mistaken for
humility.”
– “See anyone NOT playing any of those roles?”
– “Very… few…”
– “Still think developing a good friendship is
too mediocre as a couple-goal?”
– “Do friends play none of these roles?”
– “They might occasionally;
but not compulsively.
Those who value the relation
don’t force any of those roles.
They care. They share. They love.
They argue. They debate. They disagree.
But none of it sets them into fixed scripts.
They always remain friends, fundamentally.
They run no schools. And,
they give no reasons to get schooled either.
That’s why friendship is
the most successful relation.
And that’s why it’s my relationship-goal.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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If I Can See It…

– “Know your goal?”
– “Yes.”
– “You’re not there yet.”
– “That’s why it’s a goal.”
– “Think you’ll reach it?”
– “Yes. I can see it.”
– “Many can see it. Not all reach it.”
– “I will.”
– “Why? Are you special?”
– “No. I’m able.”
– “If you’re able, why aren’t you there yet?”
– “I’m not compatible with it yet.
But I’m able to make myself capable.
I’m able to turn my present moment
into a stepping stone on a path to it.
I’m able to take one step forward on it.
I’m able to take one step forward any time.
I’m able to introspect and check my tracks.
And when my path fails me,
I’m able to look around; create a new one.
But most importantly,
I’m able to never give up.
I’m able for consistence. Persistence.
I know I’ll keep walking. No matter what.
And that’s why, I know I’ll be there.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Goal: You Wake Up For It.

Goal.
– It needs no motivation.
It’s inspiration.
– It needs no encouragement.
It’s commitment.
– It needs no support.
It’s what you court.
– People don’t understand it.
And you can’t stand a word against it.
– It needs not be the crowd’s sensation.
You don’t care; it’s your aspiration.
– It fears no refusal.
To life, it’s your greatest proposal.
– It’s something you just can’t deny.
Not when you love to fly.
– No distraction works.
Not when you know deviation sucks.
– You ask for no recreation elsewhere.
This is your space; your creation, right here.
– Any failure is just a learning curve.
Easy, when it’s what you love.
– Patience is no problem.
Your entire existence is its totem.
– You ask for no breaks in it.
Hell, you wake up for it.

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Goals & Love!

– “What’s your new year resolution?”
– “I don’t have new year resolutions.
I have LIFE-GOALS.”
– “How do you stay so true to your goals?”
– “Simple. I chose aims I loved!”
– “Sure; but how do you stay so consistent?
Even love doesn’t stay forever.”
– “Nothing stays forever on its own.
If we want it, we have to care for it.
And if we care for it, it rewards us.
Same as me and my goals.
Money. Fitness. Relations. Growth.
I help my goals, they help me.
I make myself eligible for them,
~ more and more each day.
They make themselves available for me,
~ more and more each day.
I want gains; I get them;
and getting them tells me they want me too.
I love; I get love in turn; keeps me on track.
I don’t ‘have to’ anymore. I WANT to.
That’s what love gives us.
Results that cancel the need for motivation.
Results that replace it with more inspiration.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Humility V/S Submission

– “You should be humble.
He’s thirty years older than you.
He has a PhD.
He has decades of experience over you.
You can’t just follow your heart.
You know nothing.
You should obey what he says.”
– “He’s twenty years older than me. Which means his parents had sex twenty years earlier than mine. I don’t see his contribution in it. But sure. I’ll respect he has seen more life than me. Whether he was OBSERVANT, is a whole different matter. There’s a possibility he was. Can’t assume its actuality.
“He has a PhD. In economics. Which is one aspect out of a million in human life. I don’t see how prowess in one extrapolates to all. But sure. I’ll respect he has intelligence. Whether he has UNDERSTANDING, is a whole different matter. There’s a possibility he has. Can’t assume its actuality.
“He has decades of experience over me. But are we running the same marathon? Hardly. I don’t see how one man’s experience in his life is applicable to all. But sure. I’ll respect he survived. Whether his tools for survival are SUITABLE to me too, is yet to be seen. There’s a possibility they are. Can’t assume its actuality.
“My dear, we’re all different people. Unique settings; unique life-situations. Solutions can’t be borrowed. They need to be built and customized to us as individuals. Sure, I see hints in people like him. But they’re possibilities without promises. I’d love to let go of the burden of making my own decisions and follow dictations. If they promise benefit. They don’t. It’s a luxury I can’t afford. I know nothing. Sure. But do you? Does he?
“Sure, I can’t just follow my heart. That’s why I have a brain too. And I can use it. People will always invalidate it. I’m useful as a programmable machine to them. Not as a conscious person. They’ll always try to kill that person in me by calling it arrogance. Making me feel guilty. I see no reason why I should let them. Check if you want humility or submission. I can respect. If I get respect too. Check if your deal of humility has that in stock. Then we’ll talk.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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“Offensive” !

– “This sculpture depicts explicit sexuality.
I find it offensive.”
– “Is it glorifying abuse?
Exploitation? Violation? Oppression?”
– “No. But I see mental abuse in it.
For me. And for others like me.”
– “Interesting. Why? What do you see in it?
Is it a taunt, mockery, derision to anyone?
Does it encourage inequality among humans?
Does it invalidate anyone’s human existence?
Does it invalidate anyone’s human needs?
Does it invade anyone’s personal space?
Does it resist anyone’s personal growth?”
– “No. But it might be hinting at it indirectly.”
– “Does it imply so? Or do you infer so?
It depicts adults. And they look happy.
It suggests they’re here by consent.
I see nobody restrained against their will.
It simply depicts sexuality in natural form.”
– “Listen. It’s not necessary that I have to like it.”
– “Of course! You have a right to dislike things!
But does ‘dislike’ make things ‘offensive’?
That’s the real question.”
– “But… It differs to my beliefs.”
– “Sure it differs to your beliefs. There’s no problem in differing beliefs. Someone else sculpted this art. A different person with a different mental setup. Different culture. Different life. Different approach. It’s only natural that beliefs will differ. I understand if explicit sexuality makes you uncomfortable. You have your own mental setup. Fine. You can simply walk away. Why judge it? Reason is, you see a threat in it. Not just in the sexuality. In the whole idea of difference itself. For you have a baseline belief. It says differences are an offense. It’s pure nonsense. And you know it too. But you want it to be real. You want a fight out of it. It gives you an identity. So you infer stuff out of things to help yourself validate it. It still may not be enough. So you bring ‘others’ in it too. Hoping to find support in an imagined crowd. All of it is born out of insecurity. Which is so unnecessary. We’ve already established there’s no violence here. So what are you afraid of? Now check. Is it really offensive? Or just naturally different?”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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Root and Land

– “Personality reflects as life situation.
What’s within reflects outside.
Our potential is like nutritious land.
Our response to life is our root.
The land nourishes only if the root chooses.”
– “Most people hate change.
They crave to remain the same.
Their potential never gets fulfilled.
They fade away in listlessness. Why?”
– “Most people don’t check facts.
Everybody wants a firm root; a firm anchor.
Many believe stagnancy is the key to it.
They think a change in the root will loosen it.
They avoid responding differently.
They cling to the past. They end up
engineering the same fate they fear.
The root never grows. No depth. No strength.
Absent the hold of a strong root,
the land disintegrates into loose sand.
Loosening the anchor too.
The world changes, winds swipe the surface;
easily tossing this runty shrub into oblivion.”
– “But winners welcome change.
They strive to evolve.
Their potential only adds up.
What’s the psychological difference?”
– “Winners see facts as they are.
The deeper the root grows,
the stronger it grows.
That takes care of anchorage.
The more the root explores within the land,
the taller the tree grows and branches out.
That takes care of success.
Sure, no pressure that everyone must win;
but know one truth:
Everybody can be a winner,
if only we recheck our beliefs.”

© Counselor Apoorva
Psychologist

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