– “We had a problem.”
– “I found a solution.”
– “How?”
– “I looked for the solver.”
– “So did I. Got me nothing.”
– “Who did you find?”
– “One who warned us of the problem.”
– “That’s where you went wrong.”
– “How did you go right?”
– “I made two choices.”
– “What was the first?”
– “It was about what I wouldn’t.”
– “What wouldn’t you?”
– “Continue listening to that screamer.”
– “What screamer?”
– “The one who warned of the problem.”
– “Why do you call him screamer?”
– “For he was screaming about it.”
– “Is it wrong to get warned?”
– “It’s best to get warned.”
– “Then why wouldn’t you listen?”
– “I listened. I just didn’t continue it.”
– “Why not?”
– “He had just the problem; no solution.”
– “Oh.”
– “That’s why he was screaming.”
– “Why was he screaming?”
– “He wanted attention; not resolution.”
– “Oh.”
– “Screaming has an appeal to it.”
– “It locks attention. As it did mine.”
– “Exactly. It froze you in panic.”
– “What was your other choice?”
– “I looked for the speaker.”
– “What speaker?”
– “The one who spoke of the problem.”
– “But you wanted solution, not problem.”
– “Which he had.”
– “How did you know?”
– “For he was speaking and not screaming.”
– “So?”
– “Told me two things.”
– “What?”
– “He had overcome his panic.”
– “And?”
– “He felt no need to panic others.”
– “For he obviously had a solution. Good.”
– “Precisely.”
– “What’s the learning for me?”
– “Be conscious of who you pay attention to.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “Teacher?”
– “Yes?”
– “I fail to understand this exercise.”
– “Tell me what you observe.”
– “There’s a ladder, against the rock-face.”
– “And you all are expected to climb up.”
– “But it’s misty. Hardly any visibility.”
– “Can’t even see the next rung, can you?”
– “Not at all. It’s so risky.”
– “Of course it is. That’s the whole purpose.”
– “What’s the purpose?”
– “To help you realize the risk.”
– “I already do. We might slip. Crash to death.”
– “Oh you won’t. There’re safety harnesses.”
– “What other kind of risk is there, then?”
– “You tell me. Have a mental walk-through.”
– “I begin climbing up.”
– “You don’t see the next rung. It’s misty.”
– “I’ll feel for it in the blind.”
– “And you grab it and go up.”
– “And I continue up and up.”
– “And you get used to the idea.”
– “I reach a good height.”
– “You still don’t see the next rungs.”
– “But now I know I made it high.”
– “And you feel proud.”
– “Yes. I feel proud.”
– “You still don’t see the next rungs.”
– “Maybe there’re no more rungs.”
– “That’s what you think.”
– “Should I?”
– “Your choice.”
– “Maybe I choose to say this is it.”
– “And you hear someone calling from below.”
– “Why?”
– “Who knows? But you know they’re beneath you.”
– “Beneath me…”
– “And you get smug. And you slip.”
– “Why’d I slip?”
– “My child, up until now, you were looking up. Trying to grab a rung you couldn’t see. That try kept you disciplined. Made you stay rooted to the rung your feet were on. For that was the one sure thing you had. And you respected it. Now, you’re looking down. Feeling proud and smug. Losing your discipline. You’re a dead-weight on a rung that’s catching dew from the mist. I say you have a good chance of slipping. If that ladder is of growth in life, there’ll be no safety harnesses.”
– “So I should never stop? Is that it?”
– “Oh, that’s up to you. But wherever you’re on that ladder, reaching up or enjoying the moment, never look down upon people. Never let pride turn to arrogance. Stay firmly grounded to your rung. Stay real. Know that you’re never on the top-most rung. There’s always someone above you. Be proud; but be polite too.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “What is self-respect?”
– “Knowing yourself.”
– “I know myself.”
– “But do you accept it?”
– “I don’t.”
– “You have to accept who you’re.”
– “But it’s not acceptable.”
– “What makes it unacceptable?”
– “I’ve been judged for who I am.”
– “Have you ever built a house?”
– “No.”
– “You planning to?”
– “Yes.”
– “How’ll you decide the architecture?”
– “As per my needs.”
– “Why not someone else’s?”
– “It’s me who’ll live in it; not others.”
– “It’s you who lives in your life; not others.”
– “So their opinions don’t matter?”
– “There are two kinds of opinions.”
– “Such as?”
– “Some are building blocks.”
– “Which I can use for my house, yes?”
– “Feels useful?”
– “Sure.”
– “Others are blue-prints of architecture.”
– “What’re they for?”
– “For you to raise your house to the ground.”
– “And rebuild it?”
– “To their specifications. Feels useful?”
– “Not at all.”
– “There you go.”
– “But what if my plinth isn’t enough?”
– “What about it?”
– “Should I do nothing about it?”
– “Self-respect is about acceptance; not negligence. If your plinth isn’t enough, you go get a better one. With a better understanding of where you want your columns. Still staying true to the individuality of it all. We all need to change. Self-respect is about commanding that change yourself rather than getting dictated for it by others. For the end goal is your satisfaction; not their profit.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “Guru?”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “Wealth baffles me.”
– “Oh, does it?”
– “I visited the Merchant yesterday.”
– “And?”
– “His trainees were clad in expensive silks.”
– “They earn hundreds.”
– “But the merchant earns millions.”
– “So?”
– “He was clad in ordinary cotton.”
– “Oh.”
– “I thought it’d be the other way around.”
– “For you don’t understand wealth.”
– “I surely don’t. Please explain.”
– “What do you think money is?”
– “Power.”
– “And why is it power?”
– “It’s the tool that lets us transact more.”
– “Precisely. So it’s two things.”
– “A power and a tool.”
– “No. It’s a tool, and hence, a power.”
– “That’s what I said.”
– “No. You altered the sequence.”
– “Why does it matter?”
– “It matters big time. ‘Tool’ is a utilitarian concept. ‘Power’ is a sensational concept. Sensation warps our comprehension. If we let it. We lose track of reality. As many have, today. Power has an appeal to it. When we have even a little of it, we get an urge to display it.”
– “Shouldn’t we?”
– “My friend, predators lurk around every corner. They notice what we display. They make their calculations. Those trainees wear the silks their master should. But do they have the army of bodyguards he has? They let those silks shout out loud of those hundreds in their pockets to every low-life on the street. A great appeal for a soul who knows how to let hunger silence conscience.”
– “Oh…”
– “And that’s not even considering the marketing traps of other sellers who know how to make you mistake your desires for your needs. Pretty soon, these fools will spend more than what they earn; losing themselves to debaucheries and indulgences; debts and insecurities. A bottomless abyss many have fallen into.”
– “But why doesn’t the merchant wear silks?”
– “For he meets other merchants. Who base their prices by looking at his clothes. You don’t want to look rich when you buy. Basic business. Oh, but he’ll wear the finest of silks in parties and feasts. Where kings and emperors notice him. Where the ‘power’ part of his wealth needs to be considered. Where he needs to be seen as probable partner by rich men for their ventures. Or even as a dupable naïve giant. Where they’ll think they can dupe him; and end up getting duped by him in return. It’s a parlor trick. You master it only when you don’t get caught in your own magic.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “I hear you’re a Guru.”
– “Am I?”
– “You help people achieve their goals.”
– “I help people get better awareness.”
– “I hear you’re really good at it.”
– “Am I?”
– “Will you help me?”
– “What are your goals?”
– “I want a job. A relationship. A big house.”
– “Tell me something.”
– “Yes?”
– “How do you travel?”
– “Train. Sometimes a bus.”
– “How do you choose which one?”
– “Depends on where I wish to go.”
– “Why?”
– “Tells me what’ll get me there.”
– “So the destination decides the vehicle?”
– “Of course.”
– “So first you need to know your destination?”
– “Of course.”
– “Then why did you list out vehicles?”
– “Trains and buses?”
– “Not that. Earlier.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “When I asked you your goals.”
– “Job, relationship, big house?”
– “Yes.”
– “Those are my destinations.”
– “No, those are vehicles, my dear.”
– “Huh?”
– “Each one takes you to a destination.”
– “But-”
– “But you need to know if that’s the destination you want. Which most people don’t these days. For they see others’ vehicles. And mistake those vehicles for their own destinations. People lose the subjectivity of their existence.”
– “Oh…”
– “Real goal is growth. Which is individually defined as per YOUR unique personality. It can be achieved via job or business or freelancing. Depends on who YOU wish to be. Real goal is love. Which is defined by who YOU can love and what makes YOU feel loved. Again, it’s an idea unique to YOU. Real goal is satisfaction of a homely feel. Which could be a mansion or a two-room apartment. Once more, it’s all YOU. Know that it’ll be different than someone else’s idea. And it’s OK. This one I give you for free: Know yourself first. So that you can set goals you can stay real about. And get vehicles YOU’d love to drive.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “…and this is the mission,”
concluded the King;
“How do I choose the right leader?”
he asked his Advisor.
– “We need a warrior; not a brawler,”
said the Advisor.
– “How do I know one from the other?”
– “It’s simple, sire. Have any names in mind?”
– “Yes. I hold five of my men in highest regard.”
– “Please call all of them.”
The five soldiers were brought in.
– “Gentlemen,” said the Advisor,
“Our King has a task for the best one in you.”
Faces nodded. Chests puffed.
The competition was accepted.
One even boomed his unit’s war-cry.
– “But I wonder,” continued the Advisor;
“What does our King really see in you?”
The men stared at him. So did the King.
– “Sure; all of you have brawled and got lucky…”
The Advisor shook his head dramatically;
– “But so do some dogs.”
– “It wasn’t a brawl, you stupid old man,”
boomed the one with the war-cry;
– “It was a war. Won by merit,” he thundered.
– “Ha!” clapped the Advisor. “Merit! Big words from one born a bastard. That reminds me, all of you were picked from orphanages, huh? Wow! So a bunch of bastards and rejects is all our great army has? Shame!”
The men looked physically shocked at the insult. “How dare you?” Three of them charged ahead; held in check by the Royal Guards.
– “Anyway,” continued the Advisor, staring at his nails with an arrogant air of boredom; “bastards, to be in on this mission, you’ll have to quit your current post. Let someone else have it.”
The forth man shook his head.
– “I earned it. I won’t leave it.”
The last man closed his eyes.
Inhaled. Exhaled. And nodded.
– “I accept,” he said.
– “You do?”
– “Sure. Glories I’ve earned are in my past. I welcome new opportunity to earn bigger, better, greater things. I shall not fight for posts; not when I have a chance to be recorded in monuments.”
– “How do you know you have that chance?”
– “A task for the best, in best-five in the state? Oh yes, I know I have it.”
– “Do you not feel hurt by my insults?”
– “Sure I do. I use it to process you.”
– “Process me?”
– “The King calls us best. You call us bastards. Two possibilities. One – You don’t have a measure of people. That makes you insignificant to me. Or Two – You’re in mood for a game. It takes two to play a game. I play only when I see profit in it. Which I don’t, here. Why bother with your appreciation? Aren’t gonna be my girlfriend, now are you? So I see no need to play along.”
The Advisor turned to the King.
– “My King, warriors focus on big picture. Wars; not brawls. The man who can’t be tweaked with pride and past sentiment won’t waste his time in battles. You have your man.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “What’s attitude versus arrogance?”
– “Development versus entertainment.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Attitude is when one’s conscious. Of what one is. Of what one wants to be. Of what it takes to get there. That’s when one’s focused. Disciplined. Consistent. Alert. And real. That’s development. It’s about knowing the cost of winning. And finding the ability to pay it.”
– “And arrogance?”
– “Arrogance is when one’s unconscious. Of what it took to get here. Or what it took for someone else to get you here, if what you have now isn’t your own earning. That’s when the assertiveness exercised during development turns to unnecessary aggression. For it feels funny. That’s entertainment. It’s about letting fun make you forget it has a cost.”
– “Why arrogance fails?”
– “There’s something about entertainment. The funnier it gets, the costlier it gets. Except, that much more unconscious it gets us too. Troubles show up when we’re most unconscious. And when they show up, we find we can’t pay. And when we can’t pay, we’re fined double.”© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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#Attitude #Arrogance #Conscious #Unconscious #LifeLessons #Development #Entertainment #Aggression #VerbalAbuse #Violence #Winner #Loser #StayAlert #SelfHelp

– “I’ve heard you’re successful.”
– “Noted.”
– “May I ask something?”
– “Sure.”
– “Are contacts important for success?”
– “They surely help the process.”
– “But not all people we meet, right?”
– “Right.”
– “How do we judge who’s OK?”
– “By meeting them.”
– “But how do we know beforehand?”
– “We don’t.”
– “So you just meet people?”
– “Exactly. I JUST meet people.”
– “Have you ever been fooled?”
– “It’d be revelation against a belief.”
– “What belief?”
– “That the other person is OK. Or not.”
– “Yes; so?”
– “Can’t be fooled if we have no beliefs.”
– “So you maintain no beliefs?”
– “I maintain no prejudices.”
– “Don’t you find it difficult?”
– “Why’d I?”
– “Surely you know something-”
– “-before I meet the person?”
– “Yes. Isn’t it natural to get a measure?”
– “By the phone call before the meet?”
– “Or the texting before the meet.”
– “Or information from another source?”
– “Yes.”
– “How many senses do we have?”
– “Five.”
– “Is just one sufficient to get a measure?”
– “Meaning?”
– “Phone call brings just the ears in the picture. Texting leaves everything for eyes to read. Information received by just one sense shall always be half-knowledge. We need all senses in it. Can’t lick, touch or sniff people; but I’d bring at least eyes and ears together. To get the full data. Something that’s possible only when we meet face-to-face. I want success. Which means I want knowledge; not perceptions. Others’ opinions are none of my business. I remain neutral. I go in open-minded. I absorb. I catch all vibes. I give it sufficient time. I develop concrete idea about the person. Without rushing to invest emotion anywhere. I check how I feel. I keep it possible to invest or detach at a moment’s notice.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “I think our ace hates himself.”
– “What’s he up to now?”
– “He knows the other clan mocks him.”
– “And?”
– “Still, he pays them a visit each day.”
– “Oh. And you think he shouldn’t?”
– “It’s as if he’s asking for that insult.”
– “I see.”
– “There’s one more thing, Teacher.”
– “Yes?”
– “What’s with that leaf you two exchange?”
– “You mean, this leaf?”
– “Yes.”
– “I give it to him each morning.”
– “For his visits to those idiots, huh?”
– “And he brings it back to me each evening.”
– “But why?”
– “Here. What do you notice about the leaf?”
– “He seems to have painted lines on it.”
– “He adds one each day. What else?”
– “It’s strange. The lines at the top aren’t smooth. I guess those were the initial days of his visits. But later, his skills seem to have improved. The lines are getting smoother, straighter, as he’s reaching the bottom. Did you ask him to do this?”
– “Sure.”
– “But why?”
– “What does a sword need?”
– “A true stroke.”
– “What does a true stroke need?”
– “A serene mind.”
– “What’s the enemy of serenity?”
– “Emotional disturbance.”
– “Such as?”
– “An insult… Oh, I’m beginning to see…”
– “Serenity comes from fluidity. Aces fail when they develop pride and lose fluidity. Turn into puddles. A stone of a simple insult can disturb that puddle. A true swordsman’s mind must be swift. Fluid like a river. Toss a stone in that flow; it makes no difference.”
– “So our ace needs to be that river.”
– “I know the other clan insults him. I chose to let it help him. I’ve asked him to do two things at the end of his daily embarrassing visits. First, ask himself, ‘What difference does an insult make?’ Second, paint a line on that leaf. As you can see, initially he used to think an insult makes lot of difference. It’s visible in the jagged nature of those lines. But over the time, he’s learning those words are just air. They make no real difference. He’s learning he can still choose to let his skill focus where it’s actually needed. It’s visible in the smoothness of those recent lines. As it’ll be, in the stroke of his sword, in future.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “You’re arrogant.”
– “I’ve been called worse.”
– “You need answers.”
– “Sure.”
– “You don’t have answers.”
– “Sure.”
– “Yet you don’t ask.”
– “Whom?”
– “Well, people.”
– “Do they have answers?”
– “Don’t they?”
– “You see that mountain?”
– “Yes.”
– “It separates people in three.”
– “How?”
– “Some reached the summit.”
– “And?”
– “Some tried; but failed and returned.”
– “And?”
– “Some never bothered to begin with.”
– “So?”
– “Those who reached, have answers. Those who failed, have opinions. Those who never bothered, have excuses. I want answers. Not opinions. Not excuses. I could’ve asked those who reached. Except, they never came back. Those who’re here, are useless to me. That leaves me with an understanding. Answers are found; not borrowed. An understanding I’m applying. And if my active selfism makes me arrogant, then I have a question for you.”
– “What?”
– “Am I really arrogant? Or am I making you jealous? For not remaining one listless soul in a faceless crowd? Which you’re trying to make me be? By gulting me with accusation of arrogance?”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “They hate me.”
– “Do you love them?”
– “Of course.”
– “Why do they hate you?”
– “They don’t understand my love.”
– “How do you love them?”
– “I motivate them to be stronger.”
– “How?”
– “I let them know the reality.”
– “Which is?”
– “World discards the weak ones.”
– “That’s how you see them?”
– “Weak ones? No…”
– “But that’s how you make them feel?”
– “Weak ones? Yes, they need to.”
– “I thought you want them stronger.”
– “Which they’ll be, when…”
– “When they feel shame? Guilt?”
– “When they’ll get motivated.”
– “Out of shame? Guilt?”
– “Am I wrong?”
– “Not achieving expected result, are you?”
– “No. Where am I wrong?”
– “In your assessment of reality.”
– “What’s true reality, then?”
– “What they have isn’t weakness.”
– “What else could it be?”
– “Strength, awaiting.”
– “That’s wordplay.”
– “That’s approach.”
– “Why would it work?”
– “What do you see in a dark room?”
– “Darkness.”
– “Which is what?”
– “Absence of light.”
– “What do you do about it?”
– “I light a bunch of candles.”
– “How?”
– “One by one.”
– “One lightens the other?”
– “Exactly.”
– “Why?”
– “One candle isn’t enough for whole room.”
– “But it’s enough to lighten another candle?”
– “Yes.”
– “Building strength is same as lightening candles. We don’t shame the flame of one candle for being insufficient. We appreciate it for what it is. A power, to add to itself. Appreciate the strength your loved ones have today. Admiration inspires people to find uses of their qualities. So that they can display those qualities more.”
– “Oh.”
– “They’ll implement strengths. They’ll be rewarded with tiny addition to those strengths. An achievement for today. To be turned into investment for tomorrow. By a token of admiration from you for that little gain. Each day. Inspiring light for a new candle the next day. A cycle of strength, adding to itself. A cycle of light, building on to itself. That’s how it’s done. By love.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “Excuse me?”
– “Yes?”
– “I want to say something about you.”
– “Sure.”
– “You’re a gracefully aged person.”
– “Thank you.”
– “Please tell me how you made it.”
– “It was a choice.”
– “To be graceful?”
– “To evolve. Grace, if any, was its result.”
– “What is evolution?”
– “What are we, when we arrive in life?”
– “A baby…?”
– “A dependent.”
– “Oh.”
– “Evolution is progressive shift to independence.”
– “And independence gives you such grace?”
– “Have you seen a needy soul with grace?”
– “No. But sometimes circumstances leave us dependent. Age. Disease. Finances.”
– “Sure. As they have left me too. Time to time. And I don’t advocate rejecting company and being an asocial loner. But there’s uncontrollable circumstance. And then there’s self-programmed leaning into dependence.”
– “For we believe it’s guaranteed to be there?”
– “By which we excuse ourselves. Many of my friends made that mistake in life. They stopped taking care of themselves. They assumed others will always be there for them. I call it a mistake, for it was an open-loop possibility. Others’ actions are never in our control. No matter how close we think they’re to us. It’s always very real that our loved ones may reject us. Which they shouldn’t, on ethical grounds, sure. But it doesn’t stop them, does it?”
– “I understand your point.”
– “Thank you.”
– “How do you mean we take care of ourselves?”
– “I’ve always made time for myself. I’ve maintained my fitness routine and diet since youth. Taken my food as meds so that I wouldn’t have to take meds as food later in life. Always kept an open mind about things. Never let rigidity form. Always kept learning what’s new and useful. Adding to my life-skills. Indoor and outdoor. I’ve been investing since my first salary-slip. I have my fun; hell you should see me today in a party. But I always know how much’s coming in my account and how much to part with.”
– “Wow…”
– “I’ve always been honest about my feelings. And watched my thoughts. Kept verifying their logic. Never surrendered to sentiment. I’ve always been real about life. Loved and hated like monsoon rains; but later, just remembered the experience. My mind is fluid; that’s why my body is fit. Know people before getting close. Make few real relations rather than a hundred flimsy ones. And hey, most important: no matter how much a fool I know I’ve been, I’ve always loved myself!”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “How do I control my emotion?”
– “Don’t.”
– “Don’t?”
– “Use it.”
– “Why?”
– “That’s what it’s there for.”
– “How so?”
– “Emotion is physiological.”
– “Meaning?”
– “You sense it in body.”
– “Such as a lump of anxiety in stomach?”
– “And a blast of hot anger in blood.”
– “OK. So?”
– “Key is to understand its origin.”
– “Which is?”
– “What do you think emotion is?”
– “A reaction to an observation.”
– “That’s where most people go wrong.”
– “It’s not about the observation?”
– “Origin isn’t in what’s observed. It’s in us.”
– “Us?”
– “Emotion is a feedback: data of what WE are, in face of what’s observed.”
– “Please explain.”
– “Know anyone who’s scared of dogs?”
– “My brother. Gets that lump in stomach.”
– “Do you?”
– “No. I love dogs.”
– “So it’s not about dogs, is it?”
– “Oh… I see… It’s about the person…”
– “It’s data for us. To make use of emotion, is to read into that data. Feelings are emotionalized thoughts. Thoughts are an approach. To look at things. Our beliefs give us that approach. In short, emotions let us an insight into our beliefs. Such as, ‘Dogs are my enemy’, in your brother’s case.”
– “I see.”
– “If the feeling cripples us, then the belief is dysfunctional. Maybe totally unreal; or only partially true. Basically useless to us; if seen shear pragmatically. Negativity tells us where we’re yet to fortify ourselves. There’s an acute intensity to emotion. As it should. It’s inspiration for us. To be used to work on that fortification. Which is about getting real about stuff. We call it awakening.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “I set my goals.”
– “Now walk the path.”
– “Is it simple?”
– “If you keep it so.”
– “I heard many find it difficult.”
– “For they choose it to be so.”
– “How does one choose difficulty?”
– “By choosing to obey distractions.”
– “I have a strength.”
– “Which is?”
– “Material pleasures don’t distract me.”
– “That’s not the only distraction.”
– “What else is?”
– “We have other identities, before winner.”
– “And they shift us back from the path?”
– “Exactly.”
– “Some examples of these identities?”
– “People Pleaser. One who can’t say no. Or Good Listener. Who can’t prioritize self. Or Social Justice Worker. Playing Hercules. Carrying world’s burden on shoulders when nobody asked for it. Or Moral Police. Who can’t reject the pleasure of criticism allowed by projected concerns for ethics.”
– “Why do we choose this shift-back?”
– “It offers us an incentive.”
– “Which is?”
– “An escape, or pause, from efforts.”
– “Efforts for what?”
– “For building a winner’s identity, of course. Which asks constant attention and application of self. A tiring process for most. The other identities are already established. They need no new effort. They’re our intellectual and emotional comfort zones. Cultivated and justified by self-sustaining beliefs. Such as, ‘Everyone must be OK with me’. Or, ‘Prioritizing self is a sin’. Human psyche is programmed to shift to known patterns rather than exploring the unknown.”
– “How do I save myself from it?”
– “Apply mindfulness. Pay attention. Know that we win by choosing to be a winner, each moment, anew. You’ll have a thought over everything that happens around. Check if it’s the winner thinking; or the old you. Let the winner call the shots; not the old you. To that effect, get a crystal-clear idea of who this winner is. Being winner is being neither hypersensitive nor insensitive. It’s being realistic; and responding to life rather than reacting to it.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “Again, our ace’s actions confuse me.”
– “What is he doing now?”
– “It’s about what he isn’t.”
– “Which’d be?”
– “We all read The One’s teachings.”
– “The Sacred Book of First Warrior, yes.”
– “There’s a chapter on archery in it.”
– “Sure there is.”
– “The One’s instructions are specific.”
– “Sure they are.”
– “He instructs to hold the bow with left.”
– “And pull the bow-string with right.”
– “He says there’re reasons behind it.”
– “Prey tell me, Child.”
– “Steadying the bow calls for brute strength.”
– “Sure; and as for pulling the string?”
– “Strength, yes; but dexterity too.”
– “So The One assigns brute strength to left?”
– “And dexterity to right.”
– “Let me guess. Our Ace defies those rules?”
– “He holds it exact opposite. Why’d he disobey?”
– “That’s the key why he’s an ace.”
– “Shameless disobedience?”
– “Attentive audience.”
– “To what?”
– “To what a rule speaks.”
– “If he hears it, why disobey?”
– “He doesn’t hear it; he listens to it.”
– “Meaning?”
– “He listens to the moral; he rejects the ritual. That rule tells him what he needs to focus on. To be conscious of the fine difference between two ideas. Strength and dexterity. That’s the goal. As for their assignment to his arms, he takes the liberty to make his own choice.”
– “But why? The One -”
– “-wrote out of personal experience. Which could never have undisputed universal application. For each one of us is differently able. The One experienced his left arm suitable for brute strength. And his right for dexterity. Our Ace experiences the opposite; so he applies it. He absorbed the learning out of a text; but he was wise enough to customize it to personal abilities. The hands aren’t important; developing true aim is. Focus on the goal; not the ritual.”
– “Oh.”
– “Being the First Warrior, The One gave us guidelines. We were supposed to use them as a base-line to develop our own experiences. Unfortunately, many turned it into a sacred text. They shut down their own wits; followed it as a doctrine. They paid a cost: absent individual experiments, they never rose to levels they could’ve. There’s no perfect textbook for life, my Child. Paths to success might be available; but each one walks differently. Make choices that’ll leave you actually able to walk on those paths.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “We began the same.”
– “Yes we did.”
– “But we ended up differently.”
– “Yes we did.”
– “You found success. I didn’t.”
– “Noted.”
– “Why’s that so?”
– “Our choices made it so.”
– “What choices? You’re luckier than me.”
– “And to believe that is your choice.”
– “You believe differently?”
– “My success indicates so apparently.”
– “How?”
– “How do we get success?”
– “By implementing skills.”
– “How do we get skills?”
– “By applying information.”
– “How do we get information?”
– “From contacts.”
– “How do we develop contacts?”
– “We wait for an opportunity.”
– “Did you get an opportunity?”
– “No. Made me resent those ahead of me.”
– “For they didn’t cook your success for you.”
– “By which I understood truth of the world.”
– “It’s a bad, bad place, huh?”
– “Isn’t it?”
– “Ask me the same questions.”
– “How do we get success?”
– “By implementing skills.”
– “How do we get skills?”
– “By applying information.”
– “How do we get information?”
– “From contacts.”
– “How do we develop contacts?”
– “By creating an opportunity.”
– “How do we create an opportunity?”
– “By knocking on a door.”
– “Huh?”
– “Why’d a door open if you never knocked?”
– “What if nobody opens any door, ever?”
– “Then we’re in a useless building.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Those people wish to hide knowledge.”
– “What do we do about it?”
– “I’d shift to another building and repeat.”
– “What about the frustration of rejection?”
– “It’s simple. It’s me who wants me to win. Initiative needs to be mine. Others never give a rat’s ass. They never need to. Why would they? They didn’t breed me. Hating them for it is useless; wouldn’t help me win. And winning means doing what helps us win and rejecting what doesn’t. Any given moment, I’d think nothing but what I can do next. Any given moment, I’d stay true to that choice. Made me aware of the truth of world. It isn’t a good or bad place. It’s a real place. You survive it by being real about it.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “I hear you’re a healer.”
– “No I’m not.”
– “No?”
– “People heal themselves.”
– “And you show them how?”
– “I let them see they have that choice.”
– “What are you, if not a healer?”
– “I play three roles.”
– “What’s the first?”
– “Doorman.”
– “And the door opens to?”
– “To the room that a person’s mind is.”
– “You have the key to that door?”
– “Not at all.”
– “Then how do you open it?”
– “Simple. I ask the person for the key.”
– “They have that key?”
– “Sure they do. Except they don’t know.”
– “And you asking for it awakens them?”
– “Asking makes them check their pockets.”
– “And they find the key. Do they pass it on?”
– “It’s a choice.”
– “What’s the second role you play?”
– “Illuminator. I bring a lamp to life.”
– “You shed light on the unconscious?”
– “And notice the furniture in the room.”
– “What’s it made of?”
– “Beliefs.”
– “You make them notice it?”
– “I let them notice it. It’s a choice.”
– “What’s there to notice?”
– “The furniture wasn’t built in the room.”
– “It was brought there from outside, yes?”
– “Each chair and table has a story to it.”
– “You make them tell you?”
– “I let them tell themselves. It’s a choice.”
– “What’s the third role?”
– “Draftsman.”
– “What do you draft?”
– “A map.”
– “Of what?”
– “The roads that brought the furniture in.”
– “Why?”
– “Each destination has a beginning.”
– “You let them see sources of their beliefs?”
– “And logical gaps in the roads.”
– “What’s the key awareness they get here?”
– “The fundamental of all maps.”
– “Which is?”
– “There can be a brand-new journey.”
– “If one re-arranges the paths?”
– “Or build new ones.”
– “Do they agree?”
– “Choice. I let them see they have one.”
– “Why all of it must be their choice?”
– “It’s how we learn the fundamental of life.”
– “Which is?”
– “Everything is a choice.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “I’ve noticed something.”
– “What?”
– “You don’t let me in.”
– “In what way?”
– “I all ways.”
– “I know what I want. And what I don’t.”
– “But it hurts. I needed you to know.”
– “Noted.”
– “That’s it?”
– “Excuse me?”
– “You’re hurting me; you aren’t bothered?”
– “I’m not hurting you. You are.”
– “Am I? How?”
– “You remind me of a kid in my school.”
– “Oh, so I’m a kid if I show emotion?”
– “No, not emotion.”
– “Then what makes me a kid?”
– “Not trying to understand it.”
– “Huh?”
– “Blaming me is more convenient.”
– “What did this kid used to do?”
– “Would want to play cops and robbers.”
– “With you?”
– “And I wasn’t interested.”
– “So?”
– “So he’d start a different game.”
– “What?”
– “Guilt me for not being a good friend.”
– “Is that what I’m doing to you right now?”
– “You tell me.”
– “But why wouldn’t you want to play?”
– “Why is it that I must play?”
– “All kids like to play.”
– “That’s where you go wrong.”
– “What, you simply disliked playing?”
– “I loved to play.”
– “Then what was it?”
– “We play when we want to. Why was it a compulsion that I must play when that kid wanted to? Maybe I liked a different game. Or maybe I was busy in something different. Or maybe I wanted to be alone for a while. Intimacy is a choice. Why do people make a compulsion out of it? Blame me if I agree to play and then remain distant. I never did that. I never stepped into it in the first place.”
– “But that kid saw you as a friend.”
– “And I didn’t. Yes, it’s possible two people can be at different places in a relation. And it’s so irrational if one demands that the other must feel the same way. What – was I supposed to force myself to feel things? Why should I lie to myself? That kid rejected my needs and wishes; but why should I?”
– “Did you communicate it to the kid?”
– “Yes I did. That’s when the guilt game would begin. That kid couldn’t handle rejection. He wanted me to share the load of negativity. If I agreed, he’d get to emotionally hijack me. I didn’t; and he got the chance to feel victimized and excuse his own emotional incompetency. Ring any bells?”
– “Did you communicate it to me?”
– “Yes I did. I knew where I wanted this relation to limit. I maintained that limit. I never led you on. You had the option of accepting those limits; or stop things altogether if you didn’t. That was me, communicating. I wasn’t going to mail you a memo, citing my lack of interest on a letterhead. You chose not to accept reality; shifted the game; putting me in guilt. It was your choice to hurt yourself. It’s your choice not to.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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#Relationship #Relations #RelationshipTalks #Intimacy #Intimate #IntimacyLevels #Emotions #Feelings #TransactionalAnalysis #TA #Strokes #EgoStates #GamesPeoplePlay #GuiltTraps #GuiltGames #EmotionalHijacking #EmotionalManagement #Awareness #Maturity #Counseling #Psychology #SocialPsychology #Interpersonal #SocialBonds #Bonding #Sharing #Acceptance #Rejection #Love

– “Why your clan is better than the other?”
the King asked. The Teacher smiled.
– “Let’s call pupils from both clans,”
the Teacher suggested. “You’ll see.”
Pupils from both clans were called.
– “What do you see, sire?” asked the Teacher.
The King nodded.
– “Both clans train boys and girls. But there’s a difference. In the other clan, I see girls grouped differently than boys. In your clan, all are assorted into one big group.”
– “Well, there you go.”
– “What? That indiscipline makes them better?”
– “I call it unity in variety.”
– “Huh?”
– “Let’s ask the other clan a question.”
– “Yes?”
– “What’s the antonym for man?”
– “Woman,” chorused that clan.
– “Now the same question to my clan.”
– “No antonym for man,” chorused that clan.
The King looked surprised. “None?”
– “None.”
– “How can there be none?”
– “For man rivals none.”
– “Really?”
A boy stood up. He said,
– “Not by default, as the idea of antonym suggests.”
The King squinted at the boy.
– “Not by default?”
– “Not unless provoked.”
– “By whom?”
– “By other men or beasts.”
– “Isn’t the antonym woman?”
– “Why would it be?”
– “Well…”
Suddenly the King was at a loss for words.
– “Don’t men and women play different roles?”
– “Do your brain and heart play different roles?”
– “Yes.”
– “Are they opposites?”
The King looked at the Teacher, who shrugged.
– “Well, there you go,” said the boy, smiling smartly. “Brain helps the heart; heart helps the brain. Differences, working for a union; not opposition. We don’t train to be ‘men’ or ‘women’, sire. We train to be human; a functional union. The first thing we learnt was not to learn useless stereotypes. Our boys know how to cook and our girls know how to hunt. And both are good with the sword. Sure we compete; but never as genders. We compete as better thinkers and smarter doers. We aren’t antonyms. We are one body where brain knows how to be heart and heart knows how to be brain.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “You’re successful.”
– “Thank you.”
– “But you failed in your duty.”
– “Did I?”
– “You failed to inspire people.”
– “And that was my duty?”
– “Suppose you die today.”
– “And?”
– “What’s the legacy you leave behind?”
– “Wouldn’t matter to me.”
– “Why not?”
– “I’ll be dead.”
– “Isn’t that a bit too arrogant?”
– “Who am I offending?”
– “Other people.”
– “How?”
– “Society’s uplifting is your duty.”
– “Do they have hands?”
– “Yes.”
– “Do they have mouths?”
– “Yes.”
– “Do they have eyes and ears?”
– “Yes.”
– “Do they feel pain?”
– “Yes.”
– “Then they don’t need me.”
– “How?”
– “I began same as them. In pain. Served as all the inspiration I’d ever need. For I hated it. Chose not to be in it. Then I used my eyes and ears. To check if anyone was coming to rescue me. Turns out no-one gave a rat’s ass. They didn’t need to. I didn’t hate them. My existence wasn’t their problem. It was mine. So I used those same eyes and ears differently. To learn. To know what I didn’t. That left some things still unknown. But I had a mouth. I used it to ask questions. And get answers. Then I put my hands to work. Applied that info. Got experience. I grew gradually. Turned today’s achievement into tomorrow’s investment. Wasn’t rocket science. I just had to be consistent. And here I am, now.”
– “Uh…”
– “I didn’t arrive here through a cave. I did it out in the open. In full view to people. They already know what it takes. It takes hauling ass. It’s called effort. They hate it. So they opt the easy path. They close eyes and ears. Fill mouths with tobacco. To numb the pain. They open those mouths only to spit that tobacco out. And to curse me for not playing the conveniently cinematic and laughably unrealistic rescuer. None of it helps in the end. Crap goes on piling up. Frustration builds and then they turn on each other. Using hands to set things on fire. Sweetheart, inspiration is a choice. I chose it. Don’t expect me to choose it for them. It ain’t tobacco. It’s unlocked; not given.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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– “Why one remains a failure?”
asked the King.
– “One has self-doubts,” said his Advisor.
– “But why maintain those doubts?”
– “One loves those doubts.”
– “Why love what’s self-defeating?”
– “Give me an hour, sire.”
The Advisor came back an hour later.
With a man fixed with a lascivious grin.
And cunning eyes.
The King disliked him immediately.
– “Sire,” said the Advisor, “Please ask this fellow about his home.”
– “Where do you live?” asked the King.
– “I own no home,” said the man casually.
– “So you’re homeless?”
– “Oh, why’d I be homeless?”
– “You just said you own no home.”
– “For I need no ownership. Doesn’t mean there’s no roof over my head.”
– “Who provides it?”
– “There’s a good businessman.”
The King considered his shabby clothes.
– “How much rent do you pay?”
– “I pay no rent.”
– “Why the hell he allows you to live in his house?”
The man’s lustful smile widened.
– “A Teacher expects donation, my King.”
– “What teacher?”
– “Me, of course.”
– “You’re my Teacher?”
– “Apart from a morsel of some street-smart knowledge, I see no reason why a rich man such as yourself would call a worm like me in his palace. You wish to know something you don’t and I do. Means I’m your Teacher. But knowledge has value, my King. It can turn even a worm into a trader.”
The King stared at him.
The man licked his lips.
The king tossed a gold coin at him, which he caught swiftly.
– “Tell me. How do you make it possible to live rent-free?” asked the King.
– “Honest work and just reward is a boring idea. I love my sleep. It’s evolved me into a better survivor. I keep my eyes and ears open. Same as when I saw the businessman, the first time. I noticed he had one fear, and one sorrow. Deceit in business was the fear. Lack of appreciation from relatives, was the sorrow. Of course, both were related. He had faced deceit before; so he was scared to make new contacts. Absent those, business profit wasn’t up to the family’s reputation. Hence the judgment from relatives.”
– “And what did you do with this data?”
– “Simple. I befriended him using it.”
– “How?”
– “Most people don’t want new knowledge. They love a repeat of what they already believe. I began cautioning him each time he’d plan to visit a new business contact. Feeding his fear in the name of care. That way he’d halt his plans and lose opportunities. Obviously it’d mean more losses and more criticism from relatives. And I’d be right there to whisper to him, ‘Your family doesn’t appreciate what you do for them’. Caressing his victim-identity. It’s a dual-game. Either way, I turn out to be the only man who ‘understands’ him . His one true friend, so he thinks. Why wouldn’t he let me live rent-free!”
The King stared at him open-mouthed.
The Advisor chuckled. He said
– “Sire, negativity is a parasite, same as this leech here. It wishes to live rent-free in most people’s minds. It plays the same dual-game this worm plays with that naïve businessman. The tool used, is self-doubts. The defense mechanisms that people mistake to be their protectors, are the fundamentals that destroy them. To wake up out of this game, is a choice.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared.
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The post is a humble offer of awareness.
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– “How do you do it?”
– “How do I do what?”
– “That guy insulted you.”
– “And?”
– “Yet, you’re so calm.”
– “Oh, it’s easy.”
– “I see it in you all the time.”
– “The insult was a wave of winds.”
– “Oh?”
– “And I’m a palm tree.”
– “Did the wave hit you?”
– “Sure, and I bent with it.”
– “But how could you straighten back up?”
– “It was a choice.”
– “Meaning?”
– “It was the wave’s choice to bend me.”
– “Yes, so?”
– “The wave came and went away.”
– “Yes, so?”
– “If I remained bent, it’d be my choice.”
– “And that’d be a foolish choice, huh?”
– “I’d be wasting my energy keeping me bent.”
– “So you chose to straighten up. Beautiful.”
– “Thank you.”
– “No, thank you. It’s useful.”
– “Welcome.”
– “I have a question.”
– “Ask.”
– “The insult was unreasonable.”
– “And?”
– “Doesn’t it bother you?”
– “It used to.”
– “How did you overcome it?’
– “I understood it.”
– “Please share.”
– “It was reasonable from his view.”
– “How could it be?”
– “Reasonability is subjective.”
– “How could it be?”
– “Do you watch movies?”
– “Yes.”
– “Usually villain beats the hero in the beginning.”
– “And hero beats the villain in the end.”
– “How’d you know who’s who?”
– “When I watch the whole movie.”
– “Suppose I don’t show you the whole movie.”
– “OK. And?”
– “I show you just a screenshot of the end.”
– “OK. And?”
– “And I don’t tell you it’s from the end.”
– “I’ll see one guy beating another.”
– “Would you think it’s hero beating the villain?”
– “No. Most probably I’ll mistake the hero for the villain.”
– “And hate him for it, huh?”
– “Yes.”
– “Our life is the movie that others don’t watch fully.”
– “So they judge the screenshots, eh?”
– “Yes; except, people aren’t just viewers.”
– “No?”
– “Sometimes they wanna be actors too.”
– “Oh?”
– “They see our screenshot as an opportunity to script their roles. Moral police. Social justice workers. Critics. Judges. Juries. Executioners. With their own genres. Action. Comedy. Black comedy. Surrealism. But a drama asks for more actors. You’re in, when you react to the dialogue thrown at you. I see no profit being that other actor; so I don’t play. I got my own life and I stay true to being its hero.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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#LifeLessons #Emotions #EmotionalManagement #Feelings #Thoughts #Pain #Hurt #Insult #Taunts #Mockery #Judging #Critics #Criticism #BeYourself #StayReal #Maturity #Awareness #Understanding #Empowerment #SelfHelp #Growth #DramaTriangle #TransactionalAnalysis #TA #Strokes #GamesPeoplePlay #Roles #Script #Individualism #ReactVersusRespond

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “I find it quite strange.”
– “The world is full of strange things.”
– “We have two sensations in our clan.”
– “Do we?”
– “One is our ace.”
– “And the other?”
– “The butcher’s son.”
– “What’s strange about it?”
– “The ace isn’t the popular one.”
– “But the butcher’s son is?”
– “Yes. It’s his speech.”
– “What about it?”
– “He has a smart mouth on him.”
– “Does he?”
– “Take yesterday’s example.”
– “What happened?”
– “Archery class. The Master scolded us.”
– “Did he?”
– “None could hit the target in its eye.”
– “Why?”
– “The bow-strings are old.”
– “Are they? What did the Master say?”
– “He kept shouting, ‘Aim above the target.’”
– “A sound advice to counter the gravity.”
– “Yes; but it wasn’t working either.”
– “And the Master kept shouting?”
– “Yes. He flatly refused to change the strings.”
– “I guess the popular one had a say about it?”
– “He said, ‘Aiming high is only for you, Master.’”
– “Oh, a joke on the short Master’s height, eh?”
– “Uh… Yes. Everyone laughed.”
– “So none hit the target at all?”
– “The ace did, in the end.”
– “How did he manage it?”
– “I don’t know. But he asked a strange question.”
– “And what was that?”
– “He asked, ‘How to gauge the winds?’”
– “Oh? Hmm… Smart one…”
– “The Master thought so too. He explained.”
– “And the ace proved to be an ace, again.”
– “Yes. As always absent any claps for him.”
– “And you wonder why?”
– “Perhaps he needs smartness in his speech.”
– “He has tons of it.”
– “But none of the rest of us think so.”
– “None of the rest of you are aces either.”
– “Huh?”
– “Speech is like food, my friend. The objective is nourishment; taste is just momentary. The spices make a dish popular. But it’s the consequences in the morning that show us if it’s been a nutriment. The butcher’s son aimed for momentary sensations. Thrilling the pride now; killing gains later. The ace stayed his tongue; made observations. He realized a factor different from the strings and gravity was in play. He figured it’d be winds. When he spoke, he aimed for progression, not sensation. Those who master their tongue, command thrones. Others are left to obey those commands.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}#Communication #CommunicationSkills #Dialogue #Speech #Language #Speaking #SpicySpeech #CheesySpeech #Word #Consequences #EffectiveSpeech #Smart #Pride #Ego #Sensational #ThinkSmart #SmartActions #ThinkAhead #Management #Techniques #Corporate #Business #AttitudeQuotes #Quotes #Millionaire #Billionaire #Success #GoalFulfillment #Patience #Results

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “You explained how a King wins.”
– “I just awakened you to it.”
– “Thank you. I have another question.”
– “Yes?”
– “How does a King maintain his win?”
– “Tell me how he wins in the first place.”
– “He collects data.”
– “And?”
– “He analyzes that data.”
– “And?”
– “He implements his learning.”
– “Good. Now, what is data?”
– “Knowledge of how things are.”
– “At present?”
– “Of course.”
– “Is it sufficient?”
– “Umm…”
– “I noticed you like the art of bonsai.”
– “I love it.”
– “What do you love about it?”
– “The idea of shaping a tree to my choice.”
– “And how do you manage it?”
– “Managing the growth of branches.”
– “How?”
– “I encourage the ones I want.”
– “And?”
– “I snip off the ones I don’t.”
– “How do you know it beforehand?”
– “I don’t.”
– “You don’t?”
– “So I maintain watch every day.”
– “You get to notice new developments.”
– “In their bud state. When it’s manageable.”
– “So you collect data, huh?”
– “And re-collect it. Anew.”
– “Now you know how a King maintains a win.”
– “How… Oh, yes!”
– “Collecting data once gets you one win. But things change. Facts shift. Allies get better offers. Friends develop jealousies. Beaten foes get better arms. Unforeseeable branch-offs. Times render old arrangements insignificant. The earlier victory was based on facts that don’t exist anymore. It’s merely a relic. To maintain a win, is to win anew every day. To win anew, is to know old facts in their new form. Die to the past; stay true to what’s at present; respond to it here and now. Securing a win for today’s settings. Knowing full well it’ll change too; and so need you.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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#Success #SuccessMantra #SuccessQuotes #Growth #Progress #Development #Winner #WinnerMentality #WinnerMindset #WinnerApproach #WinnerAttitude #WinnerStrategy #DataCollection #DataAnalysis #Knowledge #Change #Time #ChangingSignificance #New #Unforeseeable #Management #ManagementTechniques #Skills #Tactics #Knack #SmartThinking #ThinkingDifferent #CorporateQuotes #InspirationalQuotes #MotivationalQuotes

– “He was their leader?”
– “Sure he was.”
– “He was a winner?”
– “Sure he was.”
– “They call him a hero?”
– “Sure they do.”
– “Because he won a war?”
– “No.”
– “Then?”
– “He made sure no more war.”
– “How did he do it?”
– “It was an awakening.”
– “Who started the war?”
– “He did.”
– “He attacked?”
– “He defended.”
– “Why do you say he started it?”
– “It was possible to attack his state.”
– “Yes, so-”
– “He kept that possibility alive.”
– “And it was exploited, huh?”
– “Exactly.”
– “How did he win?”
– “By removing that possibility.”
– “By removing weaknesses?”
– “By replacing them with strengths.”
– “How did he do it?”
– “Three choices. Thought. Action. Speech.”
– “How?”
– “The first two were easy.”
– “Thought and action? Why?”
– “They were in his control.”
– “He chose betterment in thoughts, huh?”
– “And his actions.”
– “That’s how he won?”
– “That’s how he learned to win.”
– “Then how did he apply that learning?”
– “By the third choice. Speech.”
– “Why is it important?”
– “He wasn’t alone. He needed his people.”
– “Sure he did.”
– “He couldn’t choose their thoughts.”
– “No he couldn’t.”
– “He couldn’t choose their actions.”
– “No he couldn’t.”
– “So he needed them to choose it themselves.”
– “He motivated them.”
– “It wasn’t motivation.”
– “Then?”
– “It was inspiration.”
– “How?”
– “He didn’t tell them what to do.”
– “Then?”
– “He asked them if they were hurting.”
– “Wasn’t he aware of it?”
– “He wanted them to awaken to it.”
– “Oh. And then?”
– “He shared what they could do about it.”
– “The flame was within their lanterns, huh?”
– “He just cleaned the soot on the glass.”
– “That’s how leader becomes winner?”
– “That’s how winner becomes hero.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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#Winner #Leader #Leadership #Legend #Hero #WinnerMentality #WinnerMindset #WinnerAttitude #War #WinningWars #Vision #Thought #WinnerThinking #Action #Positive #Communication #Skills #Dialogue #Speech #InspirationalQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Wordporn #Success #Progress #Growth #Evolution #Development #Improvement #Soldier #Goals

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “You said life is in being ourselves.”
– “Yes I did.”
– “And success is in being best at it.”
– “Yes it is.”
– “How can we be best at it?”
– “What did I say of personality, Child?”
– “Personality is an answer.”
– “Given to?”
– “Present situation.”
– “Answered how?”
– “Thought. Speech. Action.”
– “And the answer can be…?”
– “Either a reaction or a response.”
– “Where’s loss and where’s win?”
– “Losers react. Winners respond.”
– “How do losers react?”
– “Unconsciously.”
– “And how do winners respond?”
– “Consciously.”
– “When’s unconsciousness in thought?”
– “When it limits to how things are.”
– “When’s consciousness in thought?”
– “When it expands to how we want things.”
– “When’s unconsciousness in speech?”
– “When it limits to reacting to others’ say.”
– “When’s consciousness in speech?”
– “When it expands to driving them to our goal.”
– “When’s unconsciousness in action?”
– “When it limits to enjoying present joys.”
– “When’s consciousness in action?”
– “When it expands to creating future joys.”
– “So losers limit to present, Child?”
– “And winners expand to future, Teacher.”
– “Why do winners consider future, Child?”
– “Simple, Teacher. Success is in being best at being ourselves. And being ourselves is a continuum. To be measured across time. One can be truly oneself only if one stays oneself in two times. Losers consider present: only one location in time. Winners consider present as well as future: two locations in time. Winners use the present as an opportunity to be themselves in future. That’s how they win.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}#Success #SuccessMantra #SuccessQuotes #Growth #WinnerMentality #WinnerAttitude #WinnerApproach #Thought #Speech #Action #Positive #Constructive #Reaction #Response #ReactVersusRespond #ChoosingBetterment #Wordporn #CorporateQuotes #LifeLessons #Choices #PresentMoment #ThinkingDifferent #CommunicationSkills #Consciousness #Awareness #SelfEmpowerment #SelfHelp #InspirationalQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #BuildingFuture

– “You’re a good helper.”
– “Thank you.”
– “You’re so rare.”
– “Why?”
– “Very few prioritize others first.”
– “In that case, I’m not rare at all.”
– “You don’t prioritize others?”
– “Not by-default.”
– “There isn’t a priority?”
– “Sure there’s; but not in a rigid form.”
– “How can it not be in your profession?”
– “Its absence is what keeps things alive.”
– “Meaning?”
– “A lake provides help to a canal.”
– “Yes. So?”
– “What happens to the lake?”
– “Well, it’d dry up eventually.”
– “And would that be helpful to the canal?”
– “No it wouldn’t.”
– “Except, that doesn’t happen.”
– “No it doesn’t.”
– “Tell me why not.”
– “Underground streams.”
– “To which the lake chooses to connect.”
– “So the lake has a personal life.”
– “If the lake allows it.”
– “And the lake gives time to itself.”
– “If the lake values it.”
– “Only then the lake is of real help, huh?”
– “If the lake understands it.”
– “And you’re the lake that understands it.”
– “Precisely. I maintain balance and boundaries.”
– “But what if a canal doesn’t understand?”
– “Unless clinically disordered, canals understand.”
– “But?”
– “Some choose to pretend they don’t.”
– “They shame the lake for its personal life?”
– “It’s a game.”
– “What’s the theme?”
– “A false conception of compassion.”
– “What’s the expectation?”
– “Such canals want the lake to be a martyr.”
– “’I’m dry, so you be dry too’, huh?”
– “Exactly.”
– “But what’s the gain here?”
– “Constructive? Games never have any.”
– “But there must be a pay-off.”
– “Sure. Two possibilities.”
– “What if the lake refuses?”
– “Canal can play victim by claiming ‘Nobody’s is there for me.’”
– “And what if the lake agrees to go dry?”
– “The parasite called negativity gets two hosts.”
– “How do you avoid it?”
– “By staying aware of who I am.”
– “And that is?”
– “A helper for a life. Not a player in a game.”
– “Do you let them see that dysfunction?”
– “Wouldn’t be a helper if I don’t.”
– “Do they see it?”
– “It’s a choice. My continued presence in their lives depends on their preference to betterment versus games.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.
The post is a humble offer of awareness.
Alternate view-points are appreciated.
No judging, blaming, shaming, preaching intended to anyone.
Not necessarily to be generalized to patients of clinical disorders.
Take what you find useful. Leave what you don’t.}

#Helping #Caring #Boundaries #WorkLifeBalance #Professional #GamesPeoplePlay #Counseling #Counselor #Healer #TA #TransactionalAnalysis #GuiltTrap #Shaming #BlameGames #Judging #EmotionalHijacking #Awareness #SelfEmpowerment #SelfHelp #Choice #PersonalLife #Happiness #Empathy #Sympathy #Compassion #StayReal

– “What’s gender equality?”
– “Give me an equation.”
– “A equals B.”
– “Which means both sides get canceled.”
– “And we’re left with 1 equals 1.”
– “Precisely. That’s gender equality.”
– “So it’s about rejecting gender identities?”
– “Not at all. No need to reject identities.”
– “Then?”
– “Just that we choose not to overrate them.”
– “Meaning genders don’t differ?”
– “They differ as identities; not as values.”
– “Oh. What are the challenges to it?”
– “There are two.”
– “What’s the first?”
– “Give me values for A and B.”
– “Say, 100. Same for A and B.”
– “As it should.”
– “But?”
– “Sometimes A thinks differently.”
– “How so?”
– “Sometimes A thinks B can’t be a 100.”
– “Then what’s B, as per such an A?”
– “50. 70. 80, at best. But not 100.”
– “So A rejects equal measure to B.”
– “Sometimes. B’s work skills, for example.”
– “And that’s A’s sexism, yes?”
– “Self-convenient invalidation of B’s strength.”
– “Why self-convenient?”
– “Insecurity. A wants no competition.”
– “Oh. What’s the other challenge?”
– “Sometimes B thinks it shouldn’t be a 100.”
– “Huh? Why such self-negation?”
– “Self-convenience, same as A.”
– “Please elaborate.”
– “Inequality can work two ways.”
– “Sometimes B wants to be 120?”
– “And sometimes B wants to be 80.”
– “An example for 120, please?”
– “’I understand emotions better than you,’ says a particular B to a particular A.”
– “Does B?”
– “Some Bs do. Same as some As do.”
– “So it’s individualistic. Can’t generalize it to all Bs, huh?”
– “Same as we can’t stereotype all As to be emotionally incompetent either.”
– “Now, an example for 80, please?”
– “’Hey, I’m a B. We’re emotional; don’t expect logic from us,’ says a particular B to a particular A.”
– “Oh… Another self-convenience?”
– “Exactly. A particular B wants to excuse self from the efforts of emotional management and thinking rationally and formulating solutions to a situation. So this particular B guilt-traps an A with tantrums. Projects those tantrums as ‘natural excuse’ allowed to B’s gender. Hoping to outsource the heavy task to A and get ready-made solutions.”
– “Is that a function evolution gave to B? To seek a guardian in A?”
– “Yes. But that was back when we lived in caves. And sexism was the price B used to pay for it. We don’t live in those caves anymore. Both A and B have their work cut out for them. 100 means 100. Equality means equality. No inflation to 120. No reduction to 80. Neither as demeaning sexism by A nor as convenient escapism by B. Sure, there’re differences Mother Nature placed between the two. But they aren’t to be abused or used for profit. They’re to be worked on, together. That’s maturity – the core of gender equality.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}#Gender #Sex #GenderBiases #GenderStereotypes #GenderPrejudices #Sexism #ReverseSexism #Escapism #SelfConvenience #Manipulation #Abuse #Exploitation #GamesPeoplePlay #GenderEquality #Inequality #Man #Woman #Feminism #Masculinism #PsuedoFeminism #ModernSociety #RelationshipGoals #CoupleGoals #CulturalNorms #Maturity #SelfExcusing #TakingForGranted #Togetherness #Awareness #SelfHelp

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “My vacations begin tomorrow.”
– “Good for you.”
– “I’ve given myself a task.”
– “Prey tell me about it?”
– “You’ve given me much awareness.”
– “Have I?”
– “I’ll share it with others.”
– “And how’d you do that?”
– “I’ll tell them what they need to do.”
– “For what?”
– “For their betterment.”
– “From what?”
– “From their misery and pain.”
– “How’ll you know they’re in pain?”
– “I’ll observe them.”
– “From your eyes.”
– “Well, of course, Teacher…”
– “Which are laced with your perspective.”
– “Well, of course, Teacher…”
– “I’d suggest a reconsideration.”
– “Why, Teacher? Am I wrong?”
– “Your motive is pure.”
– “Then?”
– “The method might not be.”
– “Why do you say that?”
– “A falcon visited a lake to sate thirst.”
– “And what happened?”
– “It observed a fish in that lake.”
– “And what happened?”
– “The falcon had never seen fish before.”
– “How can a falcon never know a fish?”
– “Are you going to let me tell the story?”
– “Sorry, Teacher.”
– “The falcon thought the fish was drowning.”
– “Oh…”
– “So the bird picked it out of the waters.”
– “Thinking it just saved a life, huh?”
– “Except ending it in reality.”
– “Pure heart; false action.”
– “By false conclusion of an observation.”
– “What’s the learning in it for me?”
– “Your caring for others is true. But make sure it doesn’t blind you to the core idea of helping.”
– “Which is?”
– “You made a statement about me. You said, I ‘GAVE’ you awareness. I gave you no awareness, my Child. Awareness can’t be GIVEN. It can only be UNLOCKED. I’ve never actually answered any of your questions. I’ve merely shown you paths to explore yourself and find those answers on your own. For the questions were yours. I never made the mistake of assuming I knew what they were. Their origin was bound to the subjectivity of your existence. And so was the solution. What ‘I’ thought of either, was immaterial.”
– “Oh. I hadn’t considered that.”
– “You need to have the same sense while helping folks. Check your boundaries. Do NOT force your perspectives onto people. Do not be the falcon who thought the fish was drowning. People’s ideas of pain and joys may not be same as yours. They don’t need to be. It’s not your duty to rescue the whole world. Just inspire them to have more sense of their selves; and MOVE ON.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.}#Caring #Helping #Counseling #Counselor #SelfAwareness #SocialSense #PersonalBoundaries #SocialBoundaries #Interpersonal #Relations #Support #SelfHelp #Empowerment #Perspective #Perception #CounselingApproach #Personalization #Differences #Rescuer #PlayingRoles #TransactionalAnalysis #TA #GamesPeoplePlay #DramaTriangle

– “I’ve noticed something about you.”
– “Have you, now?”
– “You don’t talk a whole lot.”
– “Is that so?”
– “But when you do, people listen.”
– “I see.”
– “How do you manage that?”
– “I don’t talk. I speak.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Why’s a river useful to us?”
– “It provides water.”
– “Not at all.”
– “Then what is it?”
– “It’s useful for we build a dam.”
– “We restrict the flow, huh?”
– “We do.”
– “So you restrict yourself? That’s the key?”
– “Not at all.”
– “Then what is it?”
– “A dam isn’t just restriction to flow.”
– “What else is it?”
– “It’s an opportunity to the flow.”
– “To do what?”
– “To build up potential.”
– “Oh…”
– “I keep eyes and ears open, and mouth shut.”
– “You add to your knowledge. Nice.”
– “How do we open a dam?”
– “There’re trap-doors.”
– “Why do we open them?”
– “We maintain pressure levels on the wall.”
– “I process what I’ve collected.”
– “And you let it out through speech.”
– “So that I’ll have space to collect more.”
– “Smart of you.”
– “Now the most significant part.”
– “Which is?”
– “Sometimes the flow is recycled.”
– “Water is pumped back behind the wall.”
– “Exactly.”
– “You recycle your words too?”
– “Sure I do.”
– “How do you do that?”
– “I don’t just answer. Sometimes I ask.”
– “Why?”
– “To respect a fundamental truth.”
– “Which is?”
– “Not everything I know is ultimate wisdom.”
– “Wow… That’s so grounded…”
– “But I strive for it.”
– “Of course…”
– “And the key is to stay humble.”
– “Beauty…”
– “And let other rivers join mine.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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#Communication #CommunicationSkills #SoftSkills #Dialogue #Language #Word #Wordporn #Speech #Speakers #GreatSpeech #InspirationalQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #LegendLife #BeingLegend #PositiveThinking #SmartThought #Thinkers #StayHumble #BeReal #Polite #WinnerMindset #WinnerMentality #WinnerAttitude #SocialConnect #RelationsManagement #Knowledge #SelfHelp #SelfEmpowerment #Awarenesss #LifeLessons

– “What is life?”
– “A drama.”
– “Who writes the script?”
– “We do.”
– “How do we do it?”
– “We let future have a word with present.”
– “What is future?”
– “Our self-actualized beliefs.”
– “And what is present?”
– “Our self-actualizing beliefs.”
– “Beliefs inspire our choices at present?”
– “So that present will materialize that future.”
– “Is future set?”
– “Sure.”
– “Then nothing’s in our control?”
– “Everything’s in our control.”
– “But you just said future is set.”
– “I meant it in passive voice.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Future is set. By us.”
– “But we’re unconscious of choices.”
– “For most of us choose to be.”
– “Most of us aren’t aware of their beliefs.”
– “They’re perfectly aware.”
– “Then where’s the unconsciousness?”
– “They believe the beliefs are truth.”
– “They don’t know beliefs can be changed?”
– “It’s in the very definition of belief.”
– “Which is?”
– “Belief is a thought falsely declared ultimate.”
– “Why do you call it false?”
– “For nothing is ultimate.”
– “Nothing?”
– “Nothing. Everything can be changed.”
– “I feel I can’t make decisions.”
– “That’s a belief.”
– “No, I know it for reality.”
– “And that’s belief, protecting itself.”
– “But I can give you a thousand examples.”
– “Which are nothing but reiterations.”
– “Of what?”
– “Of an idea incepted once.”
– “Meaning?”
– “You failed once. You were OK.”
– “Then?”
– “You failed twice. You linked it with first.”
– “And I found a common thread, huh?”
– “Yes. Which was ‘I can’t make decisions’.”
– “And since then I’ve been concretizing it?”
– “You lace your action with that thought.”
– “And strive to prove the belief right?”
– “As opposed to actually making good decisions.”
– “Why do I do that, if it’s so unprofitable?”
– “It’s a ‘known’.”
– “Oh… It’s my comfort zone…”
– “No matter how un-profiting it is.”
– “And winners have no negative beliefs?”
– “Winners have no beliefs, period.”
– “Then what do they have?”
– “Desire. To be what they imagine.”
– “And how do they get there?”
– “Simple. They apply a reverse approach.”
– “They don’t let present materialize a future?”
– “They let future materialize a present.”
– “Meaning?”
– “They develop a successful self image.”
– “And let it call the shots at present. Wow!”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#Success #SuccessQuotes #SuccessMantra #Winner #WinnerMindset #WinnerAttitude #WinnerApproach #LegendLife #InspirationalQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #Millionaire #Billionaire #Growth #Rise #Progress #Achievement #Accomplishment #Fulfillment #Ambition #Dreams #LifeGoals #SelfAwareness #SelfEmpowerment #SelfHelp #Choices #PositiveThinking #ConstructiveAction #Scripts #GoGetter #Beliefs

– “I asked you what’s life.”
– “You did.”
– “A response by nature to our choices.”
– “That’s what I said.”
– “Not all choices are our choices.”
– “Why?”
– “I was at my family’s mercy as a child.”
– “Agreed. So?”
– “So my life wasn’t fully in my control.”
– “Agreed. So?”
– “So why should I hold myself responsible?”
– “For what?”
– “For what happens to me.”
– “Don’t.”
– “Don’t what?”
– “Don’t hold yourself responsible.”
– “Huh?”
– “If it pleases you.”
– “Uh-”
– “Tell yourself it wasn’t in your control.”
– “But-”
– “And accept the consequences as they are.”
– “I can’t. They’re too painful.”
– “You feel that, right?”
– “Of course I do. It’s hard not to.”
– “So let it teach you.”
– “Teach me what?”
– “The most important of facts.”
– “Which is?”
– “The greatest choice you’ll ever make is to shift from being controlled to being in control. We all begin with the first part. Being controlled. By family. Their finances. Their sense of parenting. Their genes. Cultural upbringing. Which may be God’s perfection or a total screw-up. Alright. But we grow up. We look out. We notice things. We get ideas. For betterment. For self. For family. For community. And we’re left with a choice. To continue as it is. Or to change. Of course it wouldn’t happen quick. Any change is gradual. And it begins with a sense.”
– “Which is?”
– “To know that the present moment is yours. It’s all you’ve got. Sure you have little strength but you have what you have. And you can choose to use it at present. Let it reward you with a tiny little gain. Which is OK. It’s an addition to your strength. To be applied the next moment. This cycle of implementation and gain and investment is how we beat the odds. Moment by moment. An inch at a time. Gradual. The stream becomes a river eventually. All it has to do is to keep at it. Maintain the flow.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#Success #SuccessMantra #LifeGoals #Aim #LifePurpose #PersonalGrowth #Ambition #Aspiration #Rise #Betterment #Improvement #Change #Accomplishment #InspirationalQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #CorporateQuotes #Business #MillionaireQuotes #BillionaireQuotes #StrengthDevelopment #BeatingTheOdds #WinnerAttitude #WinnerMindset #WinnerMentality #PowerOfNow #PresentMoment #HereAndNow #PositiveThinking #ConstructiveAction #Creativity

© अपूर्व विकास

– “मी रस्ता बदलतोय.”

– “कसा?”
– “आत्ताचा रस्ता कामाचा राहीला नाही.”
– “मी ‘कसा’ विचारलं; ‘का’ नाही.”
– “जे माझ्यासाठी सर्वोत्तम, ते निवडेन.”
– “तुला कळेल कसं?”
– “आत्तापेक्षा बेहत्तरच असेल ना ते…”
– “तुला माहीत कसं?”
– “नाही माहीत रे… मला फक्त बदल हवाय. I need change.”
– “अर्थातच.”
– “मग का विचारतोस की-”
– “मुद्दा हा, की बदल फक्त मार्गात हवाय? का तो स्वत:तही गरजेचाय?”
– “म्हणजे?”
– “मला सांग; काय असतो प्रवास?”
– “प्रवास म्हणजे ‘अ’ पासून ‘ब’ पर्यंत होणारं स्थलांतर.”
– “कशाने बनतो, हा प्रवास?”
– “रस्त्याने.”
– “फक्त तेवढंच?”
– “आणखी काय?”
– “रस्ते कुठे जात नसतात रे. ते जागेवरच राहतात.”
– “बरं; मग?”
– “एक मुसाफ़िर लागतो, ‘रस्त्या’ला ‘प्रवासा’त घडवण्यासाठी !”
– “ओह्…”
– “चार गोष्टी ध्यानात घे.”
– “कोणत्या?”
– “रस्ता आधी एक constant म्हणून सुरू होतो.”
– “आणि?”
– “आणि पुढे चालल्यास एका variableमध्ये बदलतो.”
– “कसा?”
– “आयुष्याची प्रकृती बदलते. Terrain बदलतं. आधी रस्ता सपाट असेल; पायाला मऊ हिरवळीचा आश्वासक स्पर्श असेल – थोडा वेळ. नंतर काळ्याकभिन्न पाषाणांच्या डोंगरदऱ्याही असू शकतात. मुसाफ़िराने रस्त्याला प्रवासात बदलल्यावर रस्त्यालाही माणसाचे रंगबदलू गुण लागणारच ना !”
– “अच्छा…”
– “मुसाफ़िरही आधी एक constant म्हणूनच रस्ता मापू लागतो.”
– “आणि?”
– “आणि रस्त्याने रुप पालटल्यावर मुसाफ़िरही दोन पर्यायांना सामोरं जातो.”
– “कोणते पर्याय?”
– “आहे तसंच constant राहायचं. किंवा variable बनून आपणही रुप पालटायचं.”
– “म्हणजे?”
– “हिरवळीच्या वेळची पायताणं डोंगर चढताना साथ देतील, असं स्वत:ला बजावत कपारीत चवडे रोवायचे, न बदलणाऱ्या constantच्या मिजाशीत. अन् पाय घसरून कपाळमोक्षाच्या शक्यतेस सामोरं जायचं. किंवा, नव्या परिस्थितीस साजेसे जोडे पायात चढवून variableच्या शहाणपणाने अनुकूलन क्षमता जोपासायची. Adapt व्हायचं.”
– “माझ्या रस्त्याने आता त्या डोगरदऱ्यांपर्यंत आणलंय मला, असं दिसतंय. आणखी पर्याय नाहीत का?”
– “आहेत ना. तिसरा पर्याय रस्ता बदलण्याचा, जो तुला सुचतोय. तू चढण नको म्हणून दरीत उतरून डोंगराला वळसा घालू शकतोस.”
– “हां, हां, मी-”
– “पण म्हणून त्या दरीत तुला आधीची ओळखीची हिरवळ मिळेल, या भ्रमात राहू नकोस ! तिथे चकवा देणारं जंगलही असू शकतं. रस्ते कितीही बदल मित्रा; ते पुढे जाऊन रुप पालटणार, हे नक्की !”
– “च्यायला… तो जो variable व्हायला तयार आहे, तोच नेहमी जिंकतो का ?”
– “अर्थातच. कारण तो ‘यश’ या संकल्पनेच्या मूळ गाभ्याशी संलग्न राहतो.”
– “काय आहे ती संकल्पना?”
– “बदल म्हणजेच वृद्धी. आणि हा बदल डोळसपणे आत्मसात करणं, म्हणजेच यश. तुझ्या ध्येयाला शोभेल अशा रुपात स्वत:ला बदलवणं, म्हणजेच यश. यशपथावरचा मुसाफ़िर फक्त रस्त्याचा प्रवास करत नाही; तो त्या रस्त्याची विविध आव्हानं अंगावर घेत स्वत:ला बदलत नेण्याचाही प्रवास स्वीकारतो. त्याचा हा अंतर्गत प्रवास जेव्हा बाह्य प्रवासाच्या बदलांशी संलग्न होतो, तेव्हाच यशश्री त्याची होते ! अरे, रुपगर्विता ती ! तिच्याशी प्रणय म्हणजे – तेथ पाहिजे जातिचे ! येरागबाळाचे काम नोहे !”
– “पटलं. माझी मानसिकता कशी असावी?”
– “रस्ते बदल किंवा बदलू नकोस; पण स्वत:ला variable करण्याच्या जिगरबाजीशी constant राहा. स्वत:च्या सामर्थ्याच्या मर्यादेबद्दल कोणत्याही धारणा बनवून ठेवू नकोस. धारणा माणसाला जखडवतात. सत्य तपास. सत्यही स्थल-कालानुसार बदलत जातं, या सत्याशी प्रामाणिक राहा. त्या-त्या वेळच्या सत्याला भीड; हवं ते मिळव; तितक्याच सहजतेने बाहेर पड. पुढचं आव्हान – पुढचा बदल. मन लवचिक ठेवून विद्यार्थी हो. वर्तमान परिस्थितीला भविष्यातल्या तुझ्या अपेक्षित स्वयं नुसार प्रतिसाद दे; भूतकाळातल्या स्वयं नुसार प्रतिक्रिया देऊ नकोस. छिद्रान्वेषी वृत्तीने पाहिलंस तर हा एक रस्ता आहे असं भासतं. व्यापक दृष्टीने पाहिलंस तर हा एक प्रवाह आहे हे लक्षात येतं. बैलाप्रमाणे चालू नकोस; तुला माशाप्रमाणे पोहायचंय. चपळ. चलाख. धूर्त. सावध. सुळसुळीत.”

तात्पर्य :-
वेगळ्या रस्त्यांचे वेगळे प्रवास तेव्हाच घडतात, जेव्हा मुसाफ़िरही निराळं रुप घेतो. नव्या रस्त्यांच्या नव्या यशोगाथा हव्या असतील, तर आधी स्वत:चे विचार बदलावेत.

© अपूर्व विकास
समुपदेशक व मानसशास्त्र तज्ज्ञ
(निगडी, पुणे)
8928183848
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{कृपया लेख शेअर केल्यास लेखकाच्या तपशीलासहित करावा, ही नम्र विनंती. शेअरिंगबद्दल आभार ! आवडल्यास जरूर कळवा !}

#लक्ष्य #लक्ष्यभेद #ध्येय #उद्दिष्ट #महत्वाकांक्षा #वृद्धी #प्रगती #कष्ट #बदल #प्रेरणा #स्फूर्ति #विचार #वैचारिक #व्यक्तिमत्त्व #मनोबल #उत्क्रांती #विजेता #विजय #यश #यशस्वी #यशोगाथा #इच्छापूर्ती #सकारात्मक #दृष्टिकोन #लवचिकता #स्वयं #कृतीशीलता #सजगता #आत्मबळ #आत्मविश्वास

#Success #LifeGoals #PersonalGrowth #Ambition #Adaptation #Evolution #Empowerment #SelfHelp #Progress #Gains #Winner #Attitude

– “They say you’re a legend.”
– “I believe so.”
– “That you’re a legend?”
– “That some say so.”
– “What’s life, for you?”
– “Being myself.”
– “What’s life-goal, for you?”
– “Being best of myself.”
– “You never changed?”
– “Sure I changed. By adaptation.”
– “But-”
– “But not by conversion into someone else.”
– “Why not?”
– “A cub turns into a lion by being a lion’s cub; not a dog’s.”
– “How did you become best of yourself?”
– “By choosing to be.”
– “Huh?”
– “Most people think success is a destination.”
– “You don’t?”
– “It’s not what we reach. It’s what we become.”
– “How?”
– “Let your future successful self call the shots at present.”
– “Wow, that’s effective.”
– “If I wish to be a lion in future, I need to think, talk and act like one, NOW.”
– “So you’re all about gains, huh?”
– “Yes I am.”
– “Are you in a relationship?”
– “Yes.”
– “So what do you get out of it?”
– “An opportunity.”
– “Of what?”
– “What did I just tell you about success?”
– “We don’t reach it. We become it.”
– “My relationship goal was to find love.”
– “So?”
– “So I became love.”
– “How?”
– “I spent my whole life being myself, drawing best in me out of myself, giving myself opportunity to do it everyday, and grow. I loved it. What’s love, apart from giving someone else the space to do the same? What’s relationship, if not being with them in that space and watch them basking in the glory of their own innocent creativity? Their sincerity? Their dedication? I just gave myself an opportunity to witness the love of my life grow as a person, is all.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}#Success #LifeGoals #LegendLife #Winner #WinnerMenatlity #WinnerMindset #WinnerAttitude #Progress #Growth #Development #BeYourself #SuccessMantra #InspirationalQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #RelationshipGoals #CoupleGoals #GrowingTogether #BeingTogether #Love #Hustler #LifeLessons #ThinkBig #ThinkDifferent

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my Prince?”
– “My father and uncle were your students.”
– “Yes, they were.”
– “Both had equal martial skills.”
– “Yes, they had.”
– “Yet, my father became the King.”
– “Yes, he did.”
– “Why is that so? Why not my uncle?”
– “We had a competition, their last day here.”
– “What was it about?”
– “A hunt in the wilds.”
– “Oh. Thrilling.”
– “So thought your uncle. He led one team.”
– “And my father, another?”
– “Yes, my Prince.”
– “Who won?”
– “Depends on your definition of success.”
– “A hunt, huh?”
– “Yes, my Prince.”
– “Maximum game would be the success.”
– “In that sense, your uncle won.”
– “Oh. My father got less game?”
– “Far less than his brother.”
– “So you must’ve declared uncle winner?”
– “Oh, we were in a different mood.”
– “Why?”
– “Your uncle didn’t just bring dead animals.”
– “What else he brought? Captured bandits?”
– “Dead bodies. Of his entire team.”
– “Huh?”
– “Oh yes. He brought a team into the wilds but never actually led that team. He saw a wild boar. The hunt got into his head. He ran headlong into the sport. Leaving his team-mates behind. Absent a leader, the poor souls scattered. Absent the skills of their leader, they fell prey to the jungle’s tastes. Snakes. Venomous lizards. Panthers. Marshes. Wrong berries. One got entangled in vines. Got eaten alive by giant ants. Your uncle brought ample game but who was left to taste the meal?”
– “What about my father’s team?”
– “Everyone in one piece. Everyone well fed on berries – the right ones. With sufficient meal for everyone for dinner. And oh, everyone had songs on their lips, praising their leader.”
– “But both had equal martial skills…”
– “Which is what they had. Except your father was done proving himself a good hunter. He chose not to let it limit his existence. He thought ahead. He aimed for future. He always harbored ambition to be king one day. Which limits not to personal martial skills but expands to leadership too. People follow a warrior when they know they can trust him. He knew he needed growth as a leader. And he saw the hunt as an opportunity to exercise his skills at that leadership. He made choices as a King would; not as a mere hunter would. He’s is our King today, my Prince; for he chose it.”
– “Wow…”
– “Life is in choices. Make choices consciously, my dear; for life will respond to you accordingly. Success isn’t what you get; it’s what you become. Losers choose as per what they are. Winners choose as per who they wish to be. Let your successful future self call the shots at present.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#Success #Winner #Growth #Progress #Development #Improvement #Betterment #Evolution #WinnerAttitude #WinnerApproach #Choices #WinnerMentality #WinnerMindset #PositiveThinking #PositiveAction #BeConscious #BeAlert #Awareness #SelfEmpowerment #SelfHelp #ChooseGrowth #BornToWin #SuccessMantra #Inspirational #Motivational #LifeCoaching #Wordporn #CorporateQuotes #Business #Hustler

– “But how can we not fear the future?”
– “Why do we need to?”
– “Isn’t fear what inspires us to work?”
– “No; fear paralyzes us.”
– “Huh?”
– “For it’s receipt that we’re too late.”
– “Too late?”
– “Inspiration comes from knowledge, not fear.”
– “What knowledge?”
– “Of course the future seems dark. For we see it from the perspective of present. For the present tells us what we lack. Strengths and skills and powers. The absence of which makes us feel weak. That’s the knowledge. An infant would see a need to run as dark times ahead. If an infant had an adult brain. Which we do. And we can see we have time in hand, in time. And we have two choices.”
– “What’re they?”
– “We can stay inactive until it’s too late and get scared when it’s too useless. That’d be unused knowledge shrieking at us in a future we made sure to be dark. Or we can see the present moment as the opportunity it is. We can let the knowledge of our weakness inspire us into action, in time. And do what the infant does. Grow gradually into that strength. Crawl, stand up, toddle, walk, and eventually get the skill to run. We can have a manageable installment of necessary action each day. So that we can actually enjoy the process of growth. Which leaves us margin of time to enjoy what we’ve gained so far as well. Which is when we feel alive. Which is what life is really about.”
– “Oh.”
– “Sure; there’s no point in living in fear. But happiness doesn’t come by pretences of merriment either. It’s mental feedback of constructive action we know we’re taking at present. We choose it by using the present.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}#Happiness #PresentMoment #PowerOfNow #Mindfulness #HereAndNow #Alive #Life #LifeLessons #LifeLearnings #BeYourself #LivingReal #Action #Activeness #PositiveThinking #PositiveOutlook #Time #TimeManagement #AtPresent #MentalPresence #Anxiety #FearingFuture #ArtOfLiving #Approach

– “I’m going to change tracks.”
– “How?”
– “The previous track isn’t working.”
– “I asked how, not why.”
– “I’m going to find what’s best for me.”
– “How’d you know?”
– “Anything is better than this one.”
– “How’d you know?”
– “I… don’t know. I need change.”
– “Sure you do.”
– “So why do you ask-”
– “Question is, is it just the track or is it you too?”
– “Meaning?”
– “What is a journey?”
– “A travel from A to B.”
– “What is a journey made of?”
– “A path.”
– “That’s it?”
– “What else is there?”
– “Paths go nowhere. They stay right there.”
– “Yes, so?”
– “It’s the traveler who makes a journey out of a path.”
– “Oh.”
– “Four things you need to understand.”
– “Tell me.”
– “Path begins as a constant.”
– “And?”
– “Changes into a variable.”
– “I see.”
– “Traveler begins as a constant.”
– “And?”
– “Faces a choice: to be constant or variable.”
– “Explain about the path first.”
– “Path stays right there but changes terrain later.”
– “That’s a constant turning to variable.”
– “Yes.”
– “Now explain the travelers.”
– “Travelers have two styles of walk.”
– “Such as?”
– “Some walk the same. Others are willing to change their style.”
– “That’s constants and variables.”
– “Yes.”
– “Who completes the journey?”
– “You tell me.”
– “Obviously the ones who’re willing to change.”
– “For they tune with the core idea of success.”
– “Which is?”
– “To change is to grow. To be conscious about it, is success.”
– “So what’s the learning in it for me?”
– “You can stay on the current path or you can get a different one. But the constant here is you have to choose to be a variable. Agree that any path eventually changes terrain. And asks you to change too. To win, is to agree to that change right from the beginning. Agree to adapt and evolve. Don’t just change paths; change your thinking too.”
– “How?”
– “Have no beliefs. Get facts. Stay true to the fact that facts change time to time. Live in tune with that change. Let no rigidities form. Be flexible and remain a student. Respond to terrains as they are rather than reacting as per what you were. Look closer; it looks like a road. Get a broader perspective; you’ll note it’s a flow. So make a swim out of your walk.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}#Success #SuccessMantra #SuccessQuotes #Winner #WinnerMindset #WinnerApproach #WinnerAttitude #WinnerStrategy #LifeGolas #Objective #Aim #Target #LifePurpose #Inspiration #Motivation #Growth #Change #Transformation #Evolution #Progress #Development #Improvement #PositiveThinking #Flexibility #Adaptation #SelfHelp #Empowerment #ThinkSmart #TakingAction #Awareness

– “How could she say that?”
– “She saw no reason not to.”
– “I’ve always been there to care for her.”
– “That’s probably why.”
– “I mean, I have a personal life too.”
– “Yes you do.”
– “It’s like she’s shaming me for it.”
– “Yes she’s.”
– “Why can’t she see how irrational she is?”
– “She never had a reason to see it.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Imagine you and her in a warzone.”
– “And?”
– “Both of you are hungry.”
– “Yeah… It’s how our friendship began…”
– “You know cooking. She doesn’t.”
– “Again, sounds like me and her.”
– “But food isn’t enough.”
– “Oh…”
– “You can cook only for one.”
– “So I cook for one.”
– “And let her have it.”
– “Yes. That’s me.”
– “What’s the gain?”
– “She likes it. I like that she likes it.”
– “Next day she’s hungry again.”
– “But there’s no more food.”
– “So you go out and hunt for food.”
– “And I cook and give it to her, huh?”
– “Exactly. Then comes third day.”
– “Same thing again?”
– “Obviously. But there’s a difference.”
– “Which is?”
– “Now she EXPECTS you to feed her.”
– “Uh…”
– “It’s not just desire anymore.”
– “And… I comply, huh?”
– “Of course you do.”
– “But why do I do that?”
– “It’s a game you like to play.”
– “What’s the pay-off?”
– “You crave the feel-good factor of sacrifice.”
– “You mean I crave for her appreciation?”
– “No. You crave for yours. You seek the glory in being a martyr.”
– “Why martyr?”
– “You forget something basic.”
– “What?”
– “You’re famished since three days.”
– “Oh…”
– “Except you don’t actually go martyr.”
– “I don’t?”
– “Soon your system rebels. You prioritize your needs.”
– “And she hates it. Doesn’t fit in her comfort bubble. Yes, that’s what’s happening now.”
– “Exactly.”
– “I have a question.”
– “Yes?”
– “Why doesn’t she learn to cook?”
– “Why would she?”
– “Huh?”
– “Growth happens when it’s necessary. Did you ever make it necessary for her? Did you make her stand next to you to observe how you cook?”
– “Uhh… No…”
– “There’s difference between caring and parenting. Be there for people. But unless they’re differently abled, never parent another adult. People love self-handicapping if you’re there for provisions. And it only adds up. People take you for granted only because you let them. Helping is good. But be real about it. Never be available all the time. Maintain boundaries. Let them see this isn’t a facility to go lazy. Leave them space for their own growth. And have yours too. Right from the beginning.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#Caring #Helping #BeingAvailable #BeingThereForYou #Friendship #Relations #Relationship #Boundaries #PersonalSpace #Interpersonal #TA #TransactionalAnalysis #GamesPeoplePlay #BeReal #BeYourself #Realistic #Pragmatic #Priorities #SelfHelp #SelfEmpowerment #Awareness #ComfortZone #MartyrComplex #Sacrifices #Guilt #GuiltTrap #Shaming #Judging #SocialPsychology #Expectations

– “Why?”
– “It’s my choice.”
– “But why?”
– “Who’s asking?”
– “Well, people want to know.”
– “Why?”
– “Well… It’s people, you know…”
– “Tell me something.”
– “Yes?”
– “How’d my choice affect them?”
– “Umm…”
– “Am I hurting anyone physically?”
– “No.”
– “Financially?”
– “No.”
– “Am I invading their personal space?”
– “No.”
– “Am I resisting their growth?”
– “No.”
– “Am I engaged in unlawful actions?”
– “Surely not.”
– “Am I advocating any of it?”
– “Not at all.”
– “Then I owe no explanation to anyone.”
– “But…”
– “Yes?”
– “What if you’re hurting them emotionally?”
– “Am I? Or are they choosing to feel so?”
– “Meaning?”
– “You answered all my previous questions as no.”
– “True.”
– “Means I’m operating in my personal space.”
– “You are.”
– “I’m actualizing individual freedoms.”
– “True.”
– “Which I’m entitled to.”
– “But-”
– “For I’m not damaging anybody else’s life.”
– “Ah…”
– “Means my choice has nothing do with them.”
– “True, but…”
– “Which means they have no need to feel emotionally hurt.”
– “But they do, and that-”
– “Means they’ve nothing better to do.”
– “Huh?”
– “Apart from hoping to put me in guilt.”
– “Why’d they do that?”
– “Nothing better to do means no real identity.”
– “Oh…”
– “So they’re left with playing moral cops.”
– “But why don’t you explain your views?”
– “Everything has consequences.”
– “What’d happen if you explain?”
– “They’ll get an explanation, is what.”
– “But it’ll let them see there’s nothing wrong in your view.”
– “They already know that perfectly well.”
– “Oh…”
– “But they’ll see I’m willing to see them as legit moral cops to whom I owe an explanation.”
– “Oh…?”
– “And I’m not in the business to help people concretize their fabricated identities. They want identities? Go work on it.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#Individualism #Selfism #SocialPressure #Society #PeerPressure #Opinions #Viewpoints #Perceptions #Criticism #Judging #Shaming #Blaming #Preaching #MoralPolice #MoralCop #Tradition #Freedom #PersonalSpace #SelfRespect #SelfWorth #Choices #PersonalChoices #Justification #OwedExplanations #Identity #Harassment #EmotionalBlackmailing #EmotionalHijacking #GamesPeoplePlay #Integrity

– “I love your words.”
– “Thank you.”
– “How come you’re so good at it?”
– “I don’t talk. I speak.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Why do we voice out, you think?”
– “To express ourselves.”
– “Is that all?”
– “Is there anything else?”
– “How do dogs voice out?”
– “They bark. Sometimes for no reason.”
– “Their entire heads bob up and down. Why’s that?”
– “They’re solely focused at expressing themselves. They put their entire energy into the act. It’s an explosion of an impulse; not communication of an idea. We never see dogs barking TO each other. We see them barking AT each other. Mostly it results in violence rather than intelligence. And that’s why they remain dogs. Begs a question. What elevates humans from dogs?”
– “An understanding of my question.”
– “Why do we voice out, huh? I guess it’s… communication, not just expression.”
– “What’s the difference, you think?”
– “I can’t point out exactly.”
– “Let me help you.”
– “Please.”
– “See expression as throw of a brick.”
– “Yes, yes, and that throw could be careless. It might hurt someone. But not when the purpose is to let the other person catch it. So that together we could build a bridge between us. Brick by brick. If we’re aware of the purpose, we’d throw the brick carefully. Making sure the other person is alert and ready to catch. There’ll be coordination. Mutual understanding. Patience. Tolerance for each other’s deficiencies. Requirements will be put into dialogue. Changes will be made accordingly. Both will stay true to the purpose of construction rather than the impulse of expression. That’s communication.”
– “Now you know why you like my words.”
– “Yes! You aim for communication; not just verbalization! You stay true to construction.”
– “Same as I did now.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Have a go-back to this conversation. I answered none of your questions. I just let you have a space to find those answers. Same as I did, in my own space. Refining my thoughts once more. We didn’t just build a bridge. We built two beautiful watch-towers of individual understanding at the ends of that bridge. Now we have a connect as well as a height to this bond. That’s what words can do for us. If we let them. Language can be knife or life. It’s a choice.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}#Communication #CommunicationSkills #Dialogue #Speech #Talks #Conversation #Discussion #Debate #VoiceOut #Word #Wordporn #Language #Connect #Bondage #People #Social #SocialConnect #Society #Construction #Choice #Consciousness #Awareness #Purpose #StayTrue #SelfEmpowerment #MakingFriends #SocialReach #DevelopingContacts #CancelingDifferences #WinningHearts

– “Why relations get spoilt?”
– “For the same reason they begin.”
– “Which is?”
– “Availability.”
– “Of what?”
– “Rationality.”
– “Meaning?”
– “What do you seek in a relation?”
– “Companionship. Fun. Joys.”
– “Is that all?”
– “Is there anything else?”
– “What does a river need?”
– “Umm… Water? Flow?”
– “It has its own.”
– “Then what?”
– “What makes it a river, and not a pool?”
– “Oh… The river-bank.”
– “Exactly.”
– “And rationality is that bank, huh?”
– “A river needs one. An ordered, structured, disciplined bank that thinks logically; speaks reasonably; acts rationally. One that’d give life and length to the flow. When a river finds one, a relation begins.”
– “I see. But why does it get spoilt?”
– “What’s a river, in the beginning?”
– “A stream?”
– “A stream that respects the bank. Acknowledges what it does for the flow. Appreciates the effort. For it’s rare. It’s new. It wasn’t there before. What’s new and rare has value.”
– “Oh.”
– “And what’s a river, as a flood?”
– “A gush that takes the bank for granted.”
– “Precisely. Familiarity breeds disrespect. Availability is the opposite of rarity. It devaluates things. The rationality is taken for granted. Used, rather than appreciated. The bank has patience and tolerance; but the changes a flood makes in it are permanent. Once the bank’s trust is broken, there’s no more bank.”
– “But it doesn’t cancel the river.”
– “No, it cancels the bank. The rationality. And that’s why, such rivers get into a series of floods later.”
– “Oh. What’s the solution?”
– “Awareness.”
– “The river needs to stay conscious of the bank’s efforts, right?”
– “And the bank needs to check the river’s ability to do so, BEFORE it chooses to be part of the journey.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}#Relations #Relationship #Love #Romance #Couple #CoupleProblems #RelationshipGoals #RelationshipTalks #Emotions #Feelings #ThinkingMinds #SensitiveMinds #Breakup #MarriedLife #Divorce #TakenForGranted #Hurt #Resentment #Rationality #UndeservingPartners #Maturity #Counseling #CoupleCounseling #Communication #Dialogue #OpeningUp #Togetherness #Changing #EmotionalManagement #TrustIssues

– “What is winning?”
– “Winning is tuning.”
– “When do we tune in?”
– “When we get a rhythm.”
– “Each task has a perfect rhythm?”
– “Not at all; but each person does.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Name three good runners.”
– “Cheetahs. Kangaroos. Ostriches.”
– “How do cheetahs run?”
– “A perfect alternation of front and hind legs.”
– “And Kangaroos?”
– “A good sequence of leaps.”
– “And ostriches?”
– “Get into momentum; let long legs maintain it.”
– “Do they copy each other?”
– “Not at all.”
– “Do any think the task has a universal perfection?”
– “None think so.”
– “What does that tell you?”
– “The goal isn’t to apply a perfect idea to you.”
– “The goal is to apply a perfect you to an idea.”
– “How do we get that personal rhythm?”
– “How does a task begin?”
– “With an inspiration.”
– “For what?
– “For… completion of task…?”
– “Did Picasso paint just to finish an order?”
– “No. He loved to paint, basically.”
– “He wanted to make personal impression.”
– “Oh. So we need to stay true to that.”
– “There’s a kid in you. Let the kid play.”
– “The more the kid plays, the better we get?”
– “Exactly. It’s about repetitions.”
– “But what about flaws?”
– “I said repetitions; not blind loops.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Be that kid’s parent. Be conscious.”
– “How?”
– “Begin with kiddy inspiration; end with adult introspection. Begin with what you want to do; end with checking aspects of your personality you forgot to use. Gives you ideas. That’s inspiration for the next try. This repeated oscillation between implementation and introspection gives you a vibration. It settles into a tune when you’re fully conscious of your ability for that task. That’s when it becomes your rhythm. Life is being yourself. Success is being best at being yourself. Progress is finding and using what’s best in yourself. Remember: perfection is personal. It’s result of romance between you and your desire.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#Inspiration #Motivation #Task #Rhythm #Perfection #Desire #Ambition #Aspiration #Accomplishment #Fulfillment #Growth #Progress #Success #Winner #Millionaire #Billionaire #Management #Repetition #Effort #WinnerMindset #WinnerMentality #WinnerAttitude #WinnerApproach #ThinkingDifferently #ThinkOutOfTheBox #BeingYourself #SmartThinking #SmartChoices #LifeGoals #SuccessMantra

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “Our Ace’s actions confuse me.”
– “And why is that?”
– “He turned down that invitation.”
– “The one from that merchant?”
– “Yes. It was for a competition.”
– “Which was a test for a job, I was told.”
– “And how prestigious a job!”
– “Protection detail for the merchant, huh?”
– “Aces of other clans were begging for it!”
– “Of course they were.”
– “Our Ace lost a glorious opportunity.”
– “Of what?”
– “Of displaying his skills.”
– “To whom?”
– “Well… people.”
– “People already know he’s good.”
– “Huh?”
– “The ones who need to, at least.”
– “But what about others?”
– “They don’t need to.”
– “Why?”
– “He’s a warrior; not a gladiator.”
– “Meaning?”
– “My Child, our Ace has already proven with worth. That’s why he’s an Ace. He has skills. Skills have value. But that value depends on where those skills are applied. Self-worth is a choice, son.”
– “Oh.”
– “Our Ace has humble origins. The kind that get exploited. By the likes of merchants who need protection details. To fight off angry women whose husbands never returned after accepting a ‘lucrative’ job off-shores. Submit skills to that merchant, and our Ace would be just another cog in his machinery. One that helps the merchant strengthen his grip on the vice of limitless power.”
– “Oh.”
– “But that same Ace spends an hour daily in the smithy now. To learn the sciences others choose not to. He knows how to swing a sword. Now he’s learning how to forge one. Struggling with the coals; burning his hands. Pain, for a betterment. For himself, his family, his community.”
– “Oh?”
– “Today he can be a puissant asset to a merchant; tomorrow he will be THE merchant. Don’t just aim to dwarf the competitors, son. Look beyond the glory that thrills you but can’t feed you. See who organized the competition too. Know why. We all need to run like dogs in the race of life. The Aces make sure they’ll meet their own growth at the end of it; not someone else’s profit. Get real. Know your worth.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}#Ace #Winner #WinnerMindset #WinnerMentality #WinnerAttitude #WinnerApproch #ThinkingDifferent #RatRace #Struggle #DogRace #Competition #Competitor #Glory #BeyondGlory #Profit #Growth #Manipulation #SelfWorth #SelfRespect #KnowYourWorth #Choices #StayTrue #BeYourself #Motivational #Inspirational #Wordporn #SelfAwareness #SelfHelp #CoporateLife #Entrepreneurship

– “Who do you follow?”
– “Many.”
– “Who do you idealize?”
– “None.”
– “Why not?”
– “Life is a building. I want to be at top.”
– “So?”
– “One soul won’t take me to top floor.”
– “Then why follow anyone at all?”
– “But one by one, they will.”
– “If you know when to be with one, huh?”
– “And when not to.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Sure I want to be at top. But none of us are in the same building. Everyone is constructing their own. I’m constructing mine. I can go solo. Try trial-and-error. Or I can save time. Check out who’s finished more floors than me. If I find their columns strong enough and the layout suits my foundations, I can copy that blueprint for my next floor.”
– “Why not copy blueprint of their entire building?”
– “I want to be at top of My building; not THEIRS. Their architecture works for them. Not necessary it’ll always work for me. Maybe they got themselves a hut up on a hill. They’ll tell me a spiral path up the hill is a must. Useful, if I want a house up on the hill too. But not when I’m building a skyscraper in the middle of city.”
– “Oh…”
– “I can take ideas from them. But ideas have limits. Circumstances change. Significances change. Individually. Subjectively. Contextually. I find it useful to stay aware of those limits. I want ideas; not idealism. Life is in growth. Growth is in change. Evolution is in changing consciously. Turn people into gods; stick to idealism; and I’ll end up carving a hill out of flat ground in the middle of city – oh, gods said the ‘spiral path’ is a must, that’s why. A tragic wastage, you see.”
– “Wow…”
– “Nothing is absolutely useful or useless. What matters is applicability. Usability. It’s a segment in the flow of thoughts. Yours, or others’. Let no segments trap you into a circle. Get in, get out, stay fluid.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}#Idealism #Idealist #Ideas #Thoughts #Useful #Usability #Applicability #GoodThoughts #UsefulThoughts #Wordporn #ThinkingDifferent #ThinkingSmart #ThinkingOutOfTheBox #Change #Relevance #Significance #Adaptation #LettingGo #Ism #Circumstances #SelfHelp #SelfManagement #Growth #ReadingStuff #KnowingStuff #Knowledge #Focus #Followers #BeSmart #BeReal

– “What gives success?” asked one.
– “Specific goals,” declared another.
– “Commitment and dedication,” said some.
– “Consistency,” offered few more.
– “Just be yourself,” said a soul.
– “That’s too easy,” criticized few.
– “How’d that help?” questioned few.
– “A leopard. A monkey. An ant. A fish,”
said that soul reverently.
– “What about them?” asked others.
– “Give them a goal. To reach top of a tree.”
Now the others were quiet. Listening keenly.
– “The leopard would run up the trunk as fast as it can. Using its lean physic to defy gravity, until it can’t. Just a moment before gravity stops it, it’d launch off that trunk using the spring in its muscles. Reach a branch. Then leap to another and another, in rapid succession. Coiling and releasing energy as its body allows. And reach the goal.
– “The monkey can’t scale up the trunk; so it’ll look for neighboring trees. It’ll choose one that’s shorter. With branches nearing the first tree. It’ll launch its journey from that neighbor tree. Get to the point from where it can leap to the first tree. Then it’d swing and hop from branch to branch. Understanding aerial trajectories. Using strength in its grip and precision in its aerobatics. It’s how it’ll reach the goal.
– “The ant can’t hop, jump, leap. But it knows how to stick to the trunk. It knows its progress will be much slower. Its only strength is consistency. So it’ll use it wholeheartedly. Just keep walking. Or maybe it’ll use its phenomenal team spirit. Call other ants. Form them out in vertical strings. One over the other. Develop paths absent earlier. Have strength in unity. Have ingenuity with numbers. Not easily visible to others; but most impressive at closer inspection. It’ll be there at the top, eventually.
– “The fish, my friends, can’t climb a tree. It tries, it dies. But it’s a fish. It knows the entire ocean is up for grabs. If only it doesn’t let others fool it into thinking the tree is the only measure of success. It’ll set suitable aims. Traverse waters yet unknown; befriend pearls yet unseen; enjoy tides yet unfelt.”
Everyone contemplated.
Few nodded.
– “In each case,” said the thinking soul, “each creature made two choices. One: Know yourself. Two: Be yourself. The leopard didn’t waste its time inviting other leopards for group-discussions. The monkey didn’t waste its time running up the trunk and crashing to the ground. The ant didn’t bother practicing to take leaps fifteen feet away in the name of self-development. They knew who they were. What they could do. They did it their best. Sure, all of them must’ve practiced their stuff. But they practiced their own stuff. Not someone else’s. That’s the point.”
Everyone nodded.
– “One of you commented being ourselves is too easy,” said the soul. “No! It isn’t. In fact, it’s the most difficult choice: to continue being ourselves. Especially when rest of the world screams at us not to be. Especially when everyone calls us either arrogant or fool for being ourselves. That resolve is self-respect. Improving the uniqueness of your skills is how we turn self-respect into self-worth, instead of pride. We apply ourselves. Consciously choose to be better at being ourselves. And that’s how we win.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}#Success #Goal #LifeGoal #Aim #Objective #Growth #Results #Achievement #Accomplishment #Fulfillment #Winner #WinnerAttitude #WinnerApproach #WinnerMindset #WinnerMentality #Aspiration #Ambition #Dreams #Inspiration #Motivation #Struggle #Effort #Transformation #BeYourself #StayTrue #Dedication #Consistency #Skills #SelfHelp #SelfDevelopment

– “How people get used?”
– “They reveal their journey.”
– “Journey?”
– “From unrest to peace.”
– “Meaning?”
– “A hyena hunts a rabbit, yes?”
– “Sure.”
– “But a rabbit is holed up.”
– “Yes. So the hyena enters the burrow?”
– “It can’t. But it knows who can.”
– “Who?”
– “A python. It likes rabbits too.”
– “Oh.”
– “So the hyena tells the python.”
– “But why would it give away its meal?”
– “It doesn’t.”
– “It doesn’t?”
– “Rabbit is quicker than the python.”
– “So the rabbit escapes?”
– “And rushes to another hole.”
– “Where there are no pythons?”
– “But lots of carrots.”
– “And hyena knows about that?”
– “That’s why it hides behind a bush just at the opening of the burrow. Awaiting its meal.”
– “But how does hyena know rabbit would arrive there?”
– “For it’s what rabbits do. They don’t learn to fight the python. Instead, they rush to get back into a feel-good cocoon in the damp dark of soft earth. They don’t want to remember who came to hurt them. They want to forget. They want materialistic pleasures to hide that pain.”
– “The same is with people?”
– “Most of them. They escape from what scares them. They rush to what pacifies them. Different people play different preys. Accordingly, different predators await them. They know which fears and which incentives to dangle in front of which preys.”
– “What’s the solution?”
– “Awareness. The hyena knew what the rabbit would do. For it had observed other rabbits. Being a rabbit is a script. A rabbit follows an infinite loop of fearing the python and rushing to the carrots. Loops keep it predictable. People get used easily; for people shift into scripts quickly and ease into loops blindly. Point one is stop being predictable. Stop being known; reject loops. It’s natural that you’ll always have certain fears and certain interests. But know who you’re telling. Check who’s listening.”
– “That’s useful.”
– “Point two is growth. Growth is in walking out of scripts. And that means choosing to be new and work on yourself. Don’t run from your fear. Face it, fight it, fail from it, know it, fight it again, win. A rabbit can’t fight a python; but you can. For you’re human and being a mongoose is a choice; even a lion.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}#Predator #Prey #Survival #Safety #Precautions #Defense #Threats #Awareness #Empowerment #SelfHelp #Fear #Lust #Greed #Incentives #Manipulation #Warfare #Predictable #NeedToKnow #Communication #Society #SocialLife #WallsHaveEars #Strength #KnowYourself #Speech #BeConscious #Escapism #FeelGoodFactor #TellingSecrets #LifeLessons

– “You should be ashamed of yourself.”
– “Sure.”
– “What?”
– “Sure, I’ll be ashamed of myself.”
– “Don’t you want to know why?”
– “Do you want me to know why?”
– “Yes, I do.”
– “Please enlighten me.”
– “You have such talents.”
– “Oh, I’m humbled!”
– “No, you’re arrogant.”
– “Possessing talents is arrogance?”
– “No; but keeping them to yourself is.”
– “Alright.”
– “What?”
– “Alright. I’ll spend the rest of life ashamed.”
– “That’s it?”
– “Something else you want?”
– “You should work with us.”
– “Ah! ’Should’? Why?”
– “Your talents will be valuable to us.”
– “You mean you need me to work with you?”
– “Yes… No… I mean…”
– “How does that mean I ‘should’?”
– “We’re giving you an-”
– “Opportunity?”
– “Exactly.”
– “For what?”
– “For showing your talents.”
– “I already showed them.”
– “To whom?”
– “You.”
– “Huh?”
– “That’s why you’re here.”
– “But your talents will be valued with us.”
– “You need to make sure which one it is.”
– “Which one is what?”
– “First you say my talents will be valuable to you. That means you need me. Now you say you’ll value my talents. Which means I need you. Which one is it, exactly?”
– “We can have a business deal…”
– “And your sales-pitch is guilt-trap?”
– “Huh?”
– “Give it a rest, pal. You’ve blown it. This ain’t a business deal. This is you idiots thinking you’re smart. Like most idiots do. Of course you need me. You’ve seen what I can do. Which includes things you can’t do better; and things you can’t do at all.”
– “I-”
– “But being in need makes you feel weak. And scared. You can’t handle it. So one of you geniuses came up with this crap. Pretend to have an upper hand. Make it look like you’re giving me an opportunity. As if you have other options.”
– “We-”
– “Which you don’t. And you let me know it. By that pathetic try at guilt-trapping me. Not something you’d need, if you had other options. And that’s your second mistake. Thinking sentiments would work on me. You don’t know how to read people. Another weakness. Another flaw in sales-pitch, my friend. I work with real people. Not players. Surely not those who don’t even get the game. I’d have said yes, if you had just asked plainly. As I said, you blew it.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#Business #Corporate #HeadHunters #GuiltTraps #Strategy #Tactics #Career #MindGames #IndustrialPsychology #FoolsPlay #ReadingPeople #KnowingPeople #GuessingMinds #GamesPeoplePlay #Professional #LevelingUp #Jealousy #Management #SelfHelp #BeingReal #StayTrue #SelfWorth #SelfRespect #Talents #Recruitment #StressManagement #CommunicationSkills #Traps #StayOutOfTraps #Smart #Individuality #Individualism #PeerPressure #CommunityNorms #Selfism #Winner #Hatred #Groupism

– “Is it wrong to be sensitive?”
– “Nothing is right or wrong.”
– “But?”
– “Our perceptions make it so.”
– “But isn’t emotionality universal?”
– “Is water a universal idea?”
– “Yes.”
– “It could be a river.”
– “Yes.”
– “Or there could be a dam on that river.”
– “Oh.”
– “And that changes everything.”
– “How?”
– “Keep it fluid, and you have a flow.”
– “And in case of the dam?”
– “No flow. But water rises up.”
– “Which creates a pressure-head…”
– “And creates stress.”
– “How do we cancel flow of feelings?”
– “Feelings are emotionalized thoughts.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Emotion is water; thought is the channel.”
– “And the channel dictates the flow?”
– “If it’s allowed. If it’s shaped as a channel.”
– “What else can it be?”
– “Could be a trough.”
– “Oh.”
– “Experiences are rains. They add to the underground flows in the unconscious ground of the trough. Water surges up into the trough; rising fast. We don’t open the moat. We keep heightening the walls of the trough, instead. Soon, it’s not a trough anymore. It’s a tall column containing a ton of water. Unstable; ready to burst and collapse. That’s the meltdown we occasionally face.”
– “How to keep things channeled?”
– “By diving down into that underground cave of the unconscious. By thinking out thoughts. By processing them. By identifying the rationale in them and checking if it’s really reasonable.”
– “I see.”
– “Most of our thoughts aren’t new. They’re stalagmites of beliefs. Patterned, scripted ideas. Which find companionship. With stalactites of frozen emotion, called sentimentality. When stalactites meet stalagmites, they develop rigid columns of resentment. We can keep that cave clear by checking how that sentimentality affects our self-view and world-view. If it’s dysfunctional, we’ll know if we choose to see how our personal, professional, social failures are linked to it. Remedy is a simple choice to reject those beliefs. And build new identity. By deciding who we really want to be. And staying true to it by taking constructive actions. Being real and letting life respond to that truth.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#Feelings #Emotion #Thoughts #Sentiments #Beliefs #BeliefSystem #Unconscious #Conscious #Mind #Scripts #PatternedThoughts #ScriptedBehavior #EmotionalManagement #Stress #StressManagement #ProcessingBeliefs #DysfunctionalThoughts #Sensitivity #Meltdown #FeelingDepressed #Resentment #TransactionalAnalysis #TA #SelfHelp #SelfAwareness #Empowerment #Counseling #Psychology #Psychotherapy #Identity

– “I hate the world.”
– “Lovely.”
– “What’s lovely?”
– “You’re angry.”
– “So?”
– “Anger is motivational.”
– “Nobody accepts my creation.”
– “What do you think is the reason?”
– “Nobody understands its value.”
– “Nobody, you say?”
– “I’ve been to fifty people.”
– “And so it’s their fault?”
– “They have no taste.”
– “I can speak in Latin.”
– “Nobody can speak Latin.”
– “How do you know?”
– “I’ve never heard anyone speaking Latin.”
– “I hate people who can’t speak Latin.”
– “Why?”
– “There’s so much knowledge in it.”
– “So?”
– “So they’re missing out on it.”
– “And you want to share it with them?”
– “Yes.”
– “And you think it’s their fault you can’t?”
– “Of course it is.”
– “No it isn’t.”
– “Why not?”
– “Why don’t you speak the language they get?”
– “As opposed to expecting the whole world to learn Latin?”
– “Exactly. For it’s you who wants to share. They didn’t ask for it.”
– “You get that, right?”
– “Of course I do.”
– “So you aren’t an idiot after all.”
– “Huh?”
– “Just pretending to be.”
– “What??”
– “My friend, creation is same as communication. One speaks it by production. Another listens to it by implementation. You want to be heard? Then check if your creation is in the language people understand.”
– “Oh.”
– “It’s easy to call yourself a victim. Many in your place rush to declare that. Victims of rejection. Misunderstood and discarded. Get something straight. The world ain‘t your mommy. No-one’s gonna be patient with you for long. Creation has two values. (1) Practicality and (2) Usability. Check practicality first. It’s a fact that comedy movies make more business than philosophy books. You can whine about people’s ‘poor taste’; but who cares? What’s the plan? Guilt them into buying stuff? No-one ever got customers by telling people they’re stupid.”
– “Oh. So I should just give them what they want?”
– “Too ordinary? Think you’re a visionary? Bringing something new out there? Stuff they don’t know they want, yet? Like Facebook back in 2005? Then check the usability. You might’ve figured out the elixir of eternal life; but no-one’s gonna care if it needs them to put their elbow in their mouth first. No-one can. Try it.”
– “I get it now…”
– “It’s simplicity that turns usable inventions useful. Will your creation make a difference in people’s lives? Sure it will, provided you’re making it possible for them. Producer can be visionary; market remains ordinary. And it’s that market that feeds you. Make it unique for your satisfaction; keep it simple for the world’s. Creator creates. Salesman sells. Be both. Be productive; but be user-friendly too.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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#Creativity #Vision #Visionary #Corporate #Industry #Industriousness #Entrepreneurship #Enterprising #Business #New #Profit #Loss #Rejection #Misunderstood #Useful #Usability #Convenient #Production #NewProduct #NextBigThing #NewTechnology #ThinkingDifferent #Market #CustomerSatisfaction #Salesmanship #SellingPoints #UserFriendly #Uniqueness #Motivational #Inspirational

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “Why did our ace do that?”
– “What did he do, my dear?”
– “The other clan challenged him.”
– “And he declined?”
– “Yes. Why?”
– “There’s a purpose to undertake action.”
– “He surely had one in saying yes.”
– “Did he?”
– “He could’ve won their approval.”
– “Sure; but did he need it?”
– “Didn’t he?”
– “There’s a cost to fulfilling purposes.”
– “What was the cost of their approval?”
– “Loss of originality. Too big a cost.”
– “How’d he lose his originality?”
– “Once a pack of hyenas challenged a young lion to hunt a bear. The lion agreed. He hunted and fought and pinned the bear to the ground and thought he had won. But the hyenas wanted him to kill the bear along with its family too. They claimed one isn’t alpha enough if one can’t spill blood.”
– “Ridiculous…”
– “Now, the lion was no stranger to spilling blood; but he’d do so only to satiate hunger. His stomach was full; he had no reason to take a life. But the hyenas wouldn’t agree. They claimed he was a coward. Enraged at the taunt, the lion killed the bear along with its entire family.”
– “That’s gross.”
– “The hyenas cheered and left. But of course, they let the whole jungle know what happened. The young lion’s pride knew too. When he returned home, the pride let him know he’d never be king of the jungle. No soul would want a ruler who kills innocents for sport. The lion won hyenas’ approval. But he lost the jungle’s respect. Lived the rest of his life in solitude and shame, his mane shorn.”
– “So sad…”
– “So educational. One finds such hyenas in different forms. Sometimes they’re relatives. Or friends. Or enemies. Or strangers. They have their own notions of success; of what’s approvable and respectable. They demand us to configure ourselves to their settings. One must know what those notions are; and if they resonate with one’s own ideas. To that effect, one must know what one is originally, in the first place; and what one wants. Many lose themselves for their blind craving of social acceptance. The lion forgot he was a lion. One must never lose that. Not for hyenas. Know your worth.”
– “I understand now, Teacher.”
– “Evolution asks us to reject what we are; but that’s only when we’re transcending our limits and entering a more significant existence. Loss of mane is agreeable only if it rewards a lion with wings; provided he wants them. Else, it’s just shame.”
– “True, Teacher. Now I know why our ace declined that challenge. The other clan is more of a pack of brawlers; not warriors. Their ideas of manliness go no further than one’s ability to gulp ale and dominate the weak. They’re hyenas; and they’d never see a lion as a lion. They’d want him degraded; disordered; as chaotic as they are. Our ace is a disciplined soul. He has virtue to him; he built it with effort. You’re right. He has no need of their approval. Not at the cost of his originality.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
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#Originality #StayTrue #BeYourself #Respect #Pride #AcceptingChallenge #Taunts #Appreciation #Approval #Admiration #Acceptance #SocialAcceptance #PeerPressure #FamilyPressure #KnowYourself #SelfRespect #SelfWorth #KnowYourWorth #Sacrifice #Change #BeConscious #Choice #Virtues #Values #Expectations #BeFirm #LosingYourself #Mentality #Mindset #WinnerAttitude

– “I’m upset.”
– “Why?”
– “There was this post I read today.”
– “And it was negative?”
– “Extremely sad.”
– “Why did you read it?”
– “How’d I know it was sad before-”
– “Why are you defending yourself?”
– “I-”
– “I’m not judging. I’m enquiring.”
– “I read it, because… No reason.”
– “Were there pics?”
– “Yes.”
– “And they were disturbing?”
– “Extremely.”
– “Are you human?”
– “Of course…”
– “Pictures attract attention before words.”
– “Yes.”
– “Did it happen to you?”
– “Yes.”
– “So you knew it was disturbing beforehand.”
– “Umm… Actually, yes.”
– “But you read it anyway.”
– “Hmm.”
– “And that’s my question: Why?”
– “I told you. I don’t know.”
– “No; you said ‘no reason’, before.”
– “I don’t know the reason.”
– “Is this your first time?”
– “Of what?”
– “Of getting disturbed by a post?”
– “No. Actually, I have a tendency…”
– “To pay heed to others’ sadness?”
– “Yes.”
– “Wherever it is?”
– “Yes, yes.”
– “In front of you. Someone telling you.”
– “Even when someone tells someone else.”
– “For you think you’re sensitive.”
– “I think I can empathize. Is it wrong?”
– “Empathy is beautiful.”
– “Then?”
– “Question is, is this actually empathy?”
– “What else can it be?”
– “Maybe compulsive personalization?”
– “Why do you say that?”
– “Because you said you have a tendency. You’ve done this many times before. You hear someone got abused; you imagine being the victim and feel the pain. You read about an accident; someone lost a limb; you turn into that amputee in your mind and feel the pain. You know specific ideas anger you. Such as sexism, racism, any act of bullyism and exploitation. You read posts about it; next thing you do is to have imaginary arguments or fights with the culprits in that post. Am I right?”
– “Yes, yes. I… I do all that.”
– “Dear, the imagined situation is fake. But the emotional disturbance is real. For our brain doesn’t understand the difference between reality and imagination. The anger, the pain, the loss – you feel it all for real. It physically drains you.”
– “Yes. It does.”
– “And yet you do it anyway.”
– “It’s as if I’d feel guilty if I don’t. Why?”
– “Possibilities are many. One: Maybe you’ve been victimized before. And this exercise lets you acknowledge that victim state all over again. Maybe you seek an identity in it. Two: An extension to that – you see yourself as a Social Justice Worker, at least at imaginary level. A vigilante, perhaps, who’d fight for justice, once denied personally. Three: Maybe such posts help you concretize your world-view that world isn’t OK; society isn’t OK. What’s common is, you crave to revisit that pain to satisfy such beliefs. Leaving them feels like self-betrayal; hence the guilt. Staying disturbed is how you keep that identity satisfied.”
– “I need to process that.
– “Experts in media know many like you have this trait. They know negativity gets most attention. It’s selling material. They don’t want you to get out of it; their posts keep you in it. Be conscious. Empathy is good. But know when it ceases to be a choice. Some would scold you for escapism if you ignore such posts; others would call you a fool for borrowing people’s misery. I’d do neither. And I preach nothing. I just want to say you have a choice here. You’re upset; for you asked to be. Paying attention to negativity is a choice; mustn’t be a compulsion. Know that you can choose to be happy instead, too. Your mental peace matters too. Stay true to yourself and choose.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}#Empathy #Personalization #NegativePosts #DisturbingPosts #Media #BeConscious #StayAlert #Emotion #EmotionalDisturbance #EmotionalManagement #SocialMedia #Posts #ViolenceInMedia #Brainwash #MassPanic #ObsessiveCompulsive #CravingForPain #Victim #VictimIdentity #Choices #ChoosingHappiness #Guilt #MentalHealth #MentalPeace #Psychology #SocialPsychology #PsychologyInMedia

– “I’m stressed.”
– “Release it.”
– “How?”
– “What’s a dam?”
– “A restriction to a flow.”
– “What’s the result?”
– “Water piles up against the wall.”
– “And builds a pressure against it.”
– “Yes.”
– “That’s stress.”
– “So I need to open the dam doors?”
– “Exactly.”
– “But what am I restricting?”
– “Action.”
– “You mean I’m in inaction?”
– “Precisely.”
– “But I always think of work.”
– “And being busy in thinking cancels action.”
– “Oh. Yes. Why do I do that?”
– “You’re anxious about being anxious.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Thinking scares you into keeping a lid on it.”
– “So it’s a defense mechanism?”
– “Yes. Saves you from actually facing things.”
– “Yes.”
– “Except it only piles more water up.”
– “I feel so drained.”
– “You’re busy holding the dam doors closed.”
– “Oh.”
– “Switch on a fan but hold the blades.”
– “The motor will burn.”
– “That’s what’s happening to you.”
– “I see.”
– “Things begin with emotion. Certain drives give you goals. Ambitions and desires. Commitments and deadlines. Emotion is energy in motion. Energy asks to be turned to work. Action facilitates that shift. Absent such a facility, energy coagulates. And burns us.”
– “Yes.”
– “Thoughts and actions are linked. Ideas, implemented, reward us with gains and losses. It’s data. We can use it to make changes in input parameters. Put things back into action. Check results again. (1) If we get gains, we’re gold. (2) If we don’t, we need to change the next parameter and test again. And so on, until we get gains. (3) Maybe we’ll exhaust all parameters and still won’t gain. It simply means parameters as yet unknown are in play. So it’s time to explore, learn, adapt. Emotion serves as inspiration for all that action. Let it inspire you. Stay active and you’ll turn ideas into reality.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}#Stress #Anxiety #StressManagement #Emotion #EmotionalManagement #Feelings #Frustration #Depression #Energy #Inspiration #Motivation #Drives #Action #Inaction #StayActive #Implementation #Gains #Results

– “I need new ideas.”
– “Why?”
– “I’m thinking and it’s not working.”
– “Why not?”
– “Insufficient data.”
– “I see.”
– “I need new thoughts.”
– “Sure. What are doing about it?”
– “Reading. Watching. Learning.”
– “Is it working?”
– “Not really. I’m getting more confused.”
– “That’s what I thought.”
– “Isn’t it correct that I need new ideas?”
– “Sure. But not now.”
– “Why not?”
– “Suppose you have a heap of bricks.”
– “And?”
– “The same turns into a house.”
– “So I don’t need new bricks?”
– “First you need to arrange the bricks you have.”
– “In a logical order?”
– “Yes.”
– “I disagree.”
– “Why?”
– “Blueprints come before construction; not after.”
– “So?”
– “I’d never know the logical order of that arrangement beforehand. I need that idea from the beginning. And if I can’t know it on my own, I must find it elsewhere. That’s where learning comes. It’s foolish arrogance to think I have all I’d ever need.”
– “You’re absolutely right about learning. But there’s a problem with it.”
– “What?”
– “That idea will be well-formed. Metaphorically, it’ll be a well-formed floor from a book about architectural photography. Taken from somebody else’s house. But it’ll never be an entire house. No book or video ever gives you that. For ideas are abstract. We can never apply them as they are. We have to mould them to our settings.”
– “Yes, so?”
– “Where are you going to install that floor? Over the heap of bricks you already have? Hoping the new load will just crush and cancel the old heap? No it won’t. It’ll just give things a brittle base. Soon, it’ll collapse too. And you’ll be left with a bigger heap than before.”
– “Oh… Yes. But I’m willing to reject the old heap altogether.”
– “But it’s not willing to reject you. It’s data you’ve collected since childhood. Left fragmented, you see only negativity in it. You rush to declare it useless; for those negative feelings tell you to. Except there are logical senses present in it, left unconscious. And they’ll show up as ground water seeping through the tiles if you force a new construction over it.”
– “So I must never get new ideas and stick to old ones?”
– “You must get new ideas. But first, arrange the heap you have now in a logical order. You rushed to think I was talking about building entire house with it. You can’t and I know that too. But you can surely get the plinth done with it. Give things a base. If not the entire house. So that you’ll know where your columns are gonna be and where’d be the walls. It’ll let you know who you are, your strengths and availabilities, so that you can set a realistic goal. Then you’ll know what floors fit that structure, further. Then you’ll know what photographs to see in that book. Then you’ll know how many new bricks you’ll need; and when. Don’t overload yourself with information. Go step-by-step. Brick by brick. Ideas aren’t borrowed. They’re arrived at. It’s a journey. Have it.”

© Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}#Ideas #Concepts #NewIdeas #ProblemSolving #Solutions #RejectingTheOld #AcceptingTheNew #Knowledge #InformationProcessing #DataCollection #Analysis #Understanding #Experience #AbstractIdeas #Transformation #SelfEvolution #SelfHelp #Thoughts #NewThinking #SelfHelp #Growth #Success #WinnerMindset

– “I feel guilty.”
– “What was your crime?”
– “I wanted to be there for her.”
– “Except you weren’t there for her?”
– “Because I couldn’t.”
– “Why?”
– “Circumstances. Out of my control.”
– “Which became priorities?”
– “For they were necessities.”
– “So why feel guilty?”
– “She’s angry at me.”
– “You explained yourself?”
– “She wouldn’t hear any of it.”
– “Which is illogical.”
– “She is emotional.”
– “Which is no excuse to be irrational.”
– “But she doesn’t see it that way.”
– “Which is irrelevant.”
– “Why?”
– “What matters is why you see it her way.”
– “She is my friend.”
– “Exactly; not a judge. So why act as one?”
– “As I said, she’s emotional.”
– “Which is a game.”
– “What’s the pay-off?”
– “I don’t know. But I feel guilty.”
– “And that’s the pay-off.”
– “What’s in it for her?”
– “It’s a guilt-trap.”
– “And what if I walk into it?”
– “She gets guarantee she’ll be your priority.”
– “And if I don’t?”
– “She can play victim by rejection.”
– “Why do I never see these things?”
– “You choose not to.”
– “But why?”
– “Another game. Single-player. You.”
– “I play it with myself?”
– “As a supplement to others’ games.”
– “How?”
– “By rejecting your logic and accepting others’.”
– “What’s the pay-off?”
– “Same. Guilt.”
– “Why’d I want to be in guilt?”
– “You’re a pathological people-pleaser.”
– “And guilt makes sure I’ll always be?”
– “There you go.”
– “How to get out of it?”
– “By being real and seeing reality.”
– “Which is?”
– “The reverse happened in past.”
– “When I was in her position?”
– “And she was in yours.”
– “And I wanted her to be there for me.”
– “And she wasn’t.”
– “Because she couldn’t.”
– “So she said. She had an explanation.”
– “Which I accepted. Sounded logical.”
– “Is it the same logic she allows you now?”
– “No… Oh…”
– “What’s the learning?”
– “People use logic to their convenience.”
– “So stay true to yours.”
– “Agreed. But I’ll lose some friends…”
– “Please check if you had them in the first place. The answer will liberate you.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared.
Please share with author’s name.
The post is a humble offer of awareness.
No judging, blaming, shaming, preaching intended.
This is an objective take on an issue.
Situations may vary subjectively, case-to-case.
Take what you find useful. Leave what you don’t.}

#Guilt #GuiltTrap #Emotion #EmotionalManipulation #Feelings #HurtFeelings #Thinking #ThoughtProcesses #BeliefSystems #EmotionalPatterns #ScriptedReactions #ReactVersusRespond #Logic #Subjective #Relativity #ConvenientLogic #Blaming #BlameGames #Shaming #Judging #Resentment #Relationship #Interpersonal #EmotionalPreys #VulturesAmongUs #Exploitation #GamespeoplePlay #FalseVictims #TransactionalAnalysis #CounselingPsychology

© अपूर्व विकास

…मस्तपैकी चिडला होतास काल तू !
दणकून एकदम !
काय ते डोळे ! काय ती चेहऱ्यावरची थरथर ! आणि कसल्या भारीतल्या शिव्या जमतात रे तुला ! कडक ! “कापून काढीन !” “चिरून ठेवीन !” मागच्या आठवड्यात मुळा चिरताना बोट कापल्यावर बोंबलत सुटला होतास, ते आठवलं. चिडण्याचं कारण काय, तर इंटरनेटचं मॉडेम अॉनलाईन येत नव्हतं अन् तो कस्टमर केअरवाला छापील उत्तरं देत होता, म्हणून. आणि ना, तू दात-ओठ खाताना खरंतर जाम हसायला येत होतं मला ! हसू दाबायला दुसऱ्या खोलीत गेले, तर तू माझ्या मागे ! खळ्ळकन आवाज झाला; मागे वळून पाहिलं तर मी परवाच आणलेला फ्लॉवरपॉट तुझ्या मुठीखाली गतप्राण…!

…आणि तिथे, हसणं विचारात बदललं माझं. काही गोष्टी लक्षात आल्या; आधी न समजलेले काही संदर्भ जुळले. तुला चिडवत नाहीये, बरंका मी. उपदेशही नाहीये हा. जस्ट… एक शेअर करायचं होतं…

…तुझे बाबा असेच चिडायचे, आठवतंय ? आपल्या लहानपणी वाड्यातले सगळे घाबरायचे त्यांना. त्यांचा तो खर्जातला आवाज… त्यांचं दरडावणं हवा फाडून घुमायचं, वाडाभर… वाड्याचे वासेही स्तिमीत व्हायचे. त्यांची चीड झेलणारा माणूस मुकाट्याने ऐकायचाच त्यांचं… नाही म्हणताच यायचं नाही…

…आणि कुठेतरी हे सगळं तूही टिपलंस, आय थिंक. चिडून वस्तू फोडणं हे तुझ्यासमोर कित्येकवेळा केलंय त्यांनी. तुझ्यात शोषलं गेलंय ते. सामावलंय. आमच्या मानसशास्त्रातल्या Transactional Analysis नुसार, ही तुझी Parent Ego State होते. वडीलधाऱ्यांकडून उचललेली विचारधारा. भावना व्यक्त करण्याची पद्धत, जी आपल्या वागणुकीचा रस्ता वडीलधाऱ्यांच्या पायवाटेनुसार ठरवते. सोप्या शब्दांत सांगायचं, तर विचार-आचार-उच्चाराची वडीलधाऱ्यांची आपण मारलेली कॉपी असते ही. याच्या उलट, बोट कापल्यावर तू जे हवालदिल झाला होतास ना, त्यात तू स्वत:च्याच बालपणीच्या विचार-आचार-उच्चाराची कॉपी मारत होतास. ती तुझी Child Ego State झाली. आणि हे सगळं नकळत होतं हं. जाणिवेपल्याड राहून. विचारांचं स्वतंत्र प्रोसेसिंग होऊ न देता.

रागाबद्दल बोलायचं, तर आपण जितके चिडलोय असं आपण दुसऱ्याला भासवतो ना, तेवढे खरंतर आपण प्रत्यक्षात चिडलेले नसतो. हा सगळा एक ‘डिस्प्ले’ असतो. देखावा. आणि दारूड्याची भूमिका करणारा जसा त्या भूमिकेच्याच नशेत खोलवर शिरून स्वत:ला तात्पुरतं गमावतो, तसं आपणही या आपल्याच देखाव्याला सत्य समजून स्वत:ला गमावतो. या Ego States अशाच असतात. प्राप्त परिस्थितीला वेगळं अभ्यासून घेण्याच्या कामातून त्या आपल्याला वाचवतात. त्याऐवजी एकतर पालकांच्या किंवा स्वत:च्याच बालपणीच्या, माहितीतल्या, आयत्या, छापील पद्धतीने प्रतिक्रिया द्यायची सोय देतात त्या. काम होऊन जातं – असं आपल्याला वाटतं; पण त्याची किंमत ? आपण स्वत:च्या वेगळ्या, स्वतंत्र वाढीच्या शक्यतेला गमावतो.

आत्ता मला फोकस करायचाय, तो रागाच्या या देखाव्यावर.
हे असं का ?
त्यामागचं कारण मानसशास्त्रात समजतं. या ‘नागरी’ समाजात जगताना लहानपणापासून मनात जागा करून राहते, ती असुरक्षितता. आणि ती माणसाला एक गरज निर्माण करून देते. स्वत:चं सामर्थ्य प्रदर्शित करण्याची गरज. कोपऱ्यात सापडलेलं, ‘cornered’ झालेलं मांजर कसं फिस्कारतं ना, त्याप्रमाणे. पण, खरं सामर्थ्य कशाला म्हणायचं, ते कळतंय कुठे ? मग घरादारात, आजूबाजूला बघताना दिसतं, की ‘रागावलेल्या’ माणसाला वेगळी ‘किंमत’ मिळते. ऐकतात सगळे त्याचं. घरातली इतर लोकंही ‘बाबांना आवडेल त्याप्रमाणे’ वागू लागतात; ‘बाबांच्या शब्दाबाहेर’ जात नाहीत. आणि मग हे ना, कुठेतरी मनात खोल शिरतं. ‘हं, अडचणीच्या वेळी करेक्ट उपाय म्हणजे उचकायचं. उचकलं की काम झालं.’ कसं उचकायचं ते पाहून झालेलं असतंच; तिथूनच ‘डिस्प्ले’ येतो.

तपासून बघ, तुझ्याबाबतीत झालंय का असं…

यात इजा होते, ती आपल्यालाच. कारण मेंदूला कुठे समजतोय खरा-खोट्यातला फरक ? आपण हा ओढवून आणलेला राग दातओठ खाऊन प्रदर्शित करायला सुरूवात केली, की adrenal ग्रंथीही सणकून adrenaline रक्तात भिनवायला सुरूवात करतेच. आणि मग जाणवतो, तो पोटात पडलेला जीवघेणा एसिडिक खड्डा. हातापायातली शक्ती संपवणारा कंप. दृष्टीभोवती तयार झालेला अरूंद बोगदा. Tunnel vision. हे झिजवतं आपल्याला. शरीराला तर जाळतंच; मेंदूची रासायनिक रचना बदलून मनावरही अनिष्ट संस्कार करून ठेवतं. हा आपला आपण करून घेतलेला आत्मघात असतो. या सगळ्याचे दूरगामी परिणाम जीवातला जीव आणि माणसातलं माणूसपण संपवणारे असतात. इथून पुढे भवितव्यतेच्या शक्यतेला वेठीस धरून महाप्रचंड विनाश घडवला जाऊ शकतो. काल तो कस्टमर केअरवाला फोनवर होता म्हणून वाचला; जर तुझ्यासमोर प्रत्यक्ष असता, तर…?

तू माझा आहेस; म्हणून काही उपाय सुचवते. तुला उपयोगाचे ठरतील.

एक : सजगता.

Parent आणि Child या दोन Ego States बद्दल मी सांगितलं. पण यापलीकडे एक असते, ती Adult Ego State. यात काय असतं ? यात प्राप्त परिस्थितीचं वस्तुनिष्ठ विश्लेषण असतं. आणि भावनिक प्रतिक्रिया टाळून इच्छित परिणामानुसार परिस्थितीला प्रतिसाद देणं असतं, ज्यायोगे आपल्याला हवं असलेलं घडवून आणता येईल. पण एक सांगते. याचा अर्थ एखाद्या रोबोप्रमाणे स्वत:ला स्वत:च्या भावना नाकारणं असा होत नाही, बरंका. Transactional Analysis मध्ये एक संकल्पना वापरतो आम्ही. त्याला म्हणतात, Adult Integration. यात तिन्ही Ego Statesची सुव्यवस्थित यंत्रणा रचणं अपेक्षित असते. समोर काहीतरी घडत असताना, त्यावर
– (१) आपल्यातलं भावनाप्रधान लहान मूल काय म्हणतंय, आणि
– (२) मनाच्या तळातून मान वर करून मधूनच डोकावणारे वडीलधारे काय म्हणतायत, या दोन्ही गोष्टींचा विचार करायचा; पण –
– (३) त्यानुसार लगेच प्रतिक्रिया देण्याची घाई नाही करायची.
– (४) या दोन्हीचा वापर फक्त डेटा म्हणून करायचा. समोरच्या परिस्थितीमुळे आपल्यातलं काय ‘hit’ झालंय, काय दुखावलं गेलंय, कोणत्या धारणांना धक्का बसलाय, हे यातून पाहता येतं, जेणेकरून बाहेरची सत्यता आणि आपल्या समजुती यातली तफावत समजते. आपल्यात अजून तटबंदी कुठे उरलीये, ते इथे समजून घेता येतं. जसं की काल तुझ्यातला पर्फेक्शनिस्ट दुखावला गेला होता. स्वत:कडून केली गेलेली पर्फेक्शनची अपेक्षा तू समोरच्या माणसाकडूनही केलीस; पण भावनेच्या भरात तो माणूस म्हणजे त्याची अख्खी कंपनी नाही, हे तू विसरलास. तो त्याच्या स्क्रीनवर दिसतंय तेवढंच सांगू शकेल, हे तू लक्षात घेतलं नाहीस. “अभी के अभी मुझे नेट चाहिये” यावरच तू अडून बसलास. मान्य आहे; तुझा संताप सात्विक होता; पण तो तितकाच निरुपयोगी होता, हे लक्षात घे. कारण रागात संवाद हरपला होता.
– (५) Adult Integration मध्ये हा संवाद पुढे नेणं अपेक्षित असतं; इच्छित फळं संवादातूनच मिळतात. या सगळ्या भावना काय म्हणतायत ते ऐकून घेतल्यावर, आपला संवाद समोरच्याकडून आणखी माहिती मिळवण्यावर केंद्रित व्हायला हवा. जसं की काल तुझं झाल्यावर मी त्यांना परत कॉल केला; आणि आपल्या एरियात त्यांच्या कंपनीच्या नेटची केबल टाकण्याचं काम कोण करतं, ते माहिती करून घेतलं. कारण कंपनी दुनियाभर असली तरी केबल टाकायला ते लोकल एजन्सीच गाठतात, हे आपल्याला माहितीये. मग त्या केबलवाल्या माणसाला कॉल केला; तिथून कळलंच, की पावसात झाड पडल्यामुळे केबल तुटली होती; ती जोडण्याचं काम दोन तासांत होईल. तोपर्यंत मोबाईल नेट होतंच. प्रश्न नव्हता. लक्षात घे, इथे मी काहीही बोंबाबोंब केली नाही; कोणालाही चिरून ठेवण्याची भाषा वापरली नाही; फक्त ‘आपल्याला समस्या सोडवायचीये’ या उद्दिष्टाशी प्रामाणिक राहून सजगपणे माहिती गोळा करत राहीले.

दोन : Mindfulness. म्हणजे क्षणसाक्षित्व.

कालच्या तुझ्या रागीट प्रतिक्रियेमागची प्रेरणा माहितीये ? त्या माणसाशी बोलताना, “हे असं याआधीही झालंय,” हे तुझ्या आगीत तेल ओतणाऱ्या मेंदूने तुला लक्षात आणून दिलं ! तुझी प्रतिक्रिया फक्त वर्तमानकाळाला नव्हती; ती त्याच्याशी साधर्म्य असलेल्या भूतकाळालाही होती ! आपण वर्तमानाच्या वाहत्या प्रवाहात पोहत असताना, भूतकाळाच्या आठवणी आणि भविष्याच्या चिंता आपल्याला घनावस्थेत नेतात. वर्तमानाशी आपली नाळ तुटते; प्रवाह पुढे निघून जाताना आपण आपल्याच स्थितीशीलतेत अडकतो – आणि तिथे फसतो आपण ! वर्तमानात घडणाऱ्या घटनांना भूतकाळाच्या चष्म्यातून पाहीलं की जाणीव विपरीत होते. कारण भूतकाळ वर्तमानाला स्वत:च्या साच्यात बसवतो आणि आपल्याला “बघ, परत तसंच होतंय” हे ऐकवून उचकवतो; “बघ, बघ, परत तेच होता कामा नये” हे ऐकवून हवालदिल करतो. राग तिथूनच येतो !

खरंतर संपूर्ण आयुष्याची आणि अस्तित्वाची वास्तविकता ‘आत्ता’च्या या क्षणापुरतीच असते. तो क्षण लक्षपूर्वक जगावा. परिस्थितीला भिडताना भावनांचे पडसाद ऐकावेत; पण हे सगळं त्या क्षणापुरतंच ! ‘Power of Now’ या सुंदर पुस्तकाचे लेखक एखार्ट टोल (Eckhart Tolle) सांगतात, त्याप्रमाणे ‘die to the past immediately’. आत्ताचा क्षण हा क्षणभरात जुना होईल; आपण नव्या क्षणासाठी नवं असावं. स्वच्छ मोकळ्या मुक्त मनाने नव्या वर्तमानात शिरावं; तितक्याच जलद बाहेर पडावं. आपलं नातं वर्तमानाच्या क्षणसाक्षित्वाशी असावं. हाच तो Mindfulness. अनुभव समरसून आणि उत्कटतेने घ्यावेत; पण त्याचवेळी गुंतणंही नको. आयुष्याच्या खळखळत्या गतिशीलतेशी प्रामाणिक राहताना मासोळीप्रमाणे क्षणाक्षणांतून पोहता येतंय का, बघ. यासाठी सराव लागेल; तेव्हा स्वत:ला ‘मी’पणातून बाहेर काढून बुद्धी भावनेच्या वर ठेवलीस आणि ‘सेन्टी’ असण्याच्या कौतुकापेक्षा तुझ्याकडे असलेल्या ‘स्मार्टनेस’वर फोकस केलास, की जमून जाईल. कशाने काही फरक पडत नसतो रे… आपण उगाच आपल्याच साचेबद्ध विचारांनी स्वत:ला त्रास करून घेतो. फोड ते साचे आणि प्रवाही हो.

© अपूर्व विकास
समुपदेशक व मानसशास्त्र तज्ज्ञ

{शेअर केल्यास आभार. कृपया शेअरिंग लेखकाच्या तपशीलासहित करावं ही नम्र विनंती.}

#राग #क्रोध #भावना #भावनिक #विचार #वैचारिक #विवेक #सदसद्विवेकबुद्धी #संयम #भावनिक_व्यवस्थापन #मानसिक #मनशांती #मनशक्ती #मन #समुपदेशक #समुपदेशन #क्षणसाक्षित्व #सजगता #समज #वृद्धी #समंजसपणा #प्रगती #स्व #अहंकार #परिणाम #विक्षिप्त #बुद्धी #mindfulness #AngerManagement #EmotionalManagement

© अपूर्व विकास

आधी उद्दिष्ट समजून घेऊ :-

१. विचार-आचार-उच्चार (thought-action-communication) या त्रयंगांनी आपलं अस्तित्व आपण प्रकट करतो. हेच ते “व्यक्तिमत्त्व”.

२. यातला जो भाग आपण जाणीवेबाहेर ठेवलाय, त्या अंधारलेल्या भागात नकारात्मकतेचा निवास असतो.

३. लहानपणापासून आजपर्यंत आपल्या विचारांना आणि भावनिक आवेगांना एक साचेबद्धपणा आलेला असतो. ठराविक प्रकारच्या घटनांना ठराविक प्रकारेच प्रतिक्रिया देण्याची आपल्याला सवय असते. उदाहरणार्थ, “कुणी माझ्या कपड्यांवरून मला काही बोललं की मला जाम राग येतो…” एखाद्या नाटकातील संहितेनुसार (script), एखादी भूमिका वठवल्याप्रमाणे, आपण एका मर्यादित साच्यानुसारच आपले विचार-आचार-उच्चार होऊ देतो.

४. हे नकळत होत नसतं; होऊ दिलं जातं. कारण याने, लक्षपूर्वक जगण्याच्या कष्टातून आपण आपली सुटका करून घेत असतो.

५. या आळसाची किंमत नकारात्मकता चुकवते. ती या scriptमध्ये आपल्यासाठी असे बेमालूम loops सोडून देते; ज्यात आपण चकव्याप्रमाणे परतपरत फिरत राहतो. तीच परिस्थिती, तशीच माणसं, तेच अनुभव. इथे आपण निराश होतो आणि स्वत:ची वाढ होऊ देत नाही.

या scriptमधून बाहेर पडणं, म्हणजे growth.
त्यासाठी सजगता आणि mindfulness.

रीत :-
१. सजगता म्हणजे “मी आत्ता जो विचार-आचार-उच्चार करतोय, तो पूर्वीच्याच साचेबद्धतेतला आहे की नवा, जाणीवपूर्वक आहे?” हा प्रश्न स्वत:ला हरघडी विचारणं. त्याचं उत्तर शोधण्यासाठी वापरायचं tool, म्हणजे mindfulness. क्षणसाक्षित्व.

२. घडत्या घटनेत स्वत:ला हरवू देण्याऐवजी, “या घटनेमुळे माझ्यातले कोणते साचे trigger होतायत, सक्रिय होतायत?” ते पाहावं. जेणेकरून घटना आणि प्रतिक्रिया यातला साचेबद्ध कार्यकारणभाव (scipted causality) लक्षात येतो; आपण स्वत:चं कशाप्रकारे programming करून घेतलंय, हे समजतं.

३. जर “हो, हे scriptनुसार येतंय” हे जाणवलं, तर हा नकारात्मकतेचा डाव आहे, हे ओळखावं.

४. आपला भावनिक आवेग आपला स्वत:चा नसून, तो त्या “भूमिकेतील व्यक्तीचा” आहे, हे लक्षात घ्यावं.

५. हे लक्षात येऊ दिल्याबद्दल स्वत:चं अभिनंदन करावं. “मला growth हवीये” हे स्वत:शी आठवावं.

६. या जाणीवेतून आलेल्या सकारात्मकतेचा inspiration म्हणून वापर करून, “प्राप्त परिस्थितीत मला कोणतं सकारात्मक उद्दिष्ट हवंय?” ते ठरवावं.

७. आणि आपल्या क्रिया त्या उद्दिष्टाच्या दिशेने न्याव्यात; जेणेकरून नकारात्मक परिस्थितीचा stepping stone सारखा वापर करून आपण आपली growth करून घेतो.

८. हरघडी “मी विजेता आहे” हे आठवावं. आणि “इथे एक विजेता कसा वागेल?” त्यानुसार आपल्या क्रिया ठरवाव्यात. लक्षात घ्या :- इथे आपण सुजाण प्रतिसाद देतोय, अजाण प्रतिक्रिया नाही (Respond; don’t react). आणि इथे आपण जिंकतो !

© अपूर्व विकास
समुपदेशक व मानसशास्त्र तज्ज्ञ

(लेख शेअर केल्यास कृपया लेखकाच्या नावासहित करावा, ही नम्र विनंती. शेअरिंगबद्दल आभार.
आवडल्यास जरूर कळवा.)

#क्षणसाक्षित्व #सजगता #जाणीव #सचेतन #अचेतन #नकळत #साचेबद्ध #मन #मानसिक #व्यक्तिमत्त्व #मनशक्ती #मनशांती #विकास #स्व #प्रगती #वृद्धी #विजेता #कार्यकारणभाव #जगणं #जीवन #मानसशास्त्र #समुपदेशन #mindfulness #awareness #consciousness #MindPower #psychology #Life #Techniques #Skills

It should’ve been over.
It wasn’t.
It should’ve taken three days.
It had taken three weeks.
The King was agitated. It was an insult.
His sieges were always genius.
But this one foe was tenacious.
The damn castle stood tall. Undefeated, to all.
The siege went on. Tensions raged on.
– “Why can’t we win?” asked the King. “They should’ve run out of food and water by now.”
– “They must have a secret passage,” commented his Captain; “They’re getting help externally,”
– “How do you conclude that?”
The Captain tapped his binoculars. “The four guards up on that wall look healthy. For a three-week-long siege.”
– “Send men to find that passage,” ordered the King.
– “I did. They never returned,” said the Captain.
– “Let’s bring in an expert,” concluded all.
The Expert was invited.
He invested one day, observing the castle.
Then he asked for maps.
He tapped a location.
– “That’s a village,” commented the Captain.
– “Nearest to the Castle,” observed the Expert.
– “What about it?”
– “Get the Village Chieftain. Give him a Royal Honor in full view of the enemy.”
The Chieftain was brought in and honored.
– “What was that for?” King asked.
The Expert jerked his chin at the Castle.
A white flag was appealing attention.
Everyone was surprised. “They surrendered…”
– “How did you do it?” asked a happy King.
– “I learned from the enemy,” said the Expert.
– “Meaning?”
– “A lie works only because someone knows what you’d like to hear as truth.”
– “Please elaborate. What lie?”
– “There was no secret passage. Except, the enemy wanted you to believe one was there. So that you’d send men in small units to search for it. To be cut down by the enemy with precise guerilla operations. That’s why they placed four healthy guards up on that wall. It was a display. A bluff. For you. To begin imagining secret passages. To incept a lie you’d like to view as probable truth.”
– “How did you know the passage was a lie?” asked the Captain.
– “For the same reason you thought it was truth.”
– “Meaning?”
– “The SAME four guards? Every day? Seriously? No-one places the same soldiers in the same location all the time. There are rotations. Except, not in case of our friends.”
– “Why didn’t they rotate?”
– “They couldn’t. It was cost of deception. They had limited food in the castle. They fed the four graciously to pretend all were healthy. Others rationed and agreed to starve a bit and never showed up out in the open. A sacrifice for greater good.”
– “Oh…”
– “They planned to wear us down by degrading our morale. Once we left, they’d have rushed like hell to the nearest village, to feed. I let them see that wasn’t a possibility anymore. Hence the Royal Honor to the Chieftain.”
Needless to say, the next Royal Honor was for the Expert.
– “Their bluff wouldn’t have worked in the end, anyway,” said the Captain privately. “Why didn’t you just wait it out?”
– “My friend, you’re right. Your King could’ve just waited out a win. But a man of power likes to believe the lie that he has to win immediately. It’s by satisfying that belief that one earns a Royal Honor,” said the Expert, patting his rich robes.

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you; if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#Lies #Truth #Deception #Betrayal #Tricks #Strategy #Tactics #Propaganda #War #Warfare #Military #Expertise #Gameplan #Battle #Conqueror #Precision #Smart #Business #Corporate #Life #LifeLessons #Fight #Camouflage #Fooling #ConvincingLies #Outthinking #Outsmarting #Outmatching #MatchingWits #Genius

– “I want a perfect partner.”
– “How’d you know if you got one?”
– “One will excuse all my little flaws.”
– “Excusing imperfections is perfection?”
– “That’s love.”
– “Or is it convenience?”
– “Convenience for what?”
– “For not taking efforts to better yourself?”
– “Why do I have to better myself?”
– “You just said you have flaws.”
– “So what? We all have flaws.”
– “And that excuses those flaws?”
– “Nobody is flawless.”
– “Then how’d you get a perfect partner?”
– “Umm…”
– “What are you running away from?”
– “It’s my partner’s duty to take care of me.”
– “Or is it more about taking care of your mess?”
– “Huh?”
– “Do you want a partner? Or a parent?”
– “A parent?”
– “You’re playing a game with yourself. You know you have flaws. You know you need to work on them. But it’d take efforts. And you hate efforts. Alternative is to declare it’s OK to be flawed. But you know remaining flawed has consequences. Bad consequences. And they don’t give a rat’s ass what you think. They show up all the same. You hate it when that happens too. So you want a magical creature to show up. And wave a magic wand. And make those consequences go away.”
– “But-”
– “But of course you know magical creatures don’t exist. So the next level of the game is, get a people-pleaser. A soul pre-programmed to think it’s his or her ‘duty’ to set things right. Programs that trigger with the right words. Like ‘love’, ‘care’, and ‘duty’. A prey that habitually walks into guilt-traps and strives to be that magical creature. Of course it’ll all fail. But that’d be useful. For that means you can use more guilt and keep that soul trapped in an endless limbo of clearing your mess. Until there’s a burnout. Which there’ll be. One day. By which time you’ll latch on to the next robot in line. And so on. Until you realize NOBODY has the magic to clear ALL of your mess. Then you get your own meltdown. And you crash.”
– “I… You…”
– “You can glare at me for catching your bluff. Or you can get real. Nobody is perfect. You said so yourself. So stop expecting one. Especially when you know you ain’t one. You might wonder how some people have great relationships. Despite of being imperfect. It’s simple. They work on those imperfections. Together. They don’t judge those flaws. But they don’t excuse them either. And they sure as hell don’t play moms and dad for their better halves. They inspire to work on themselves. And they motivate their partners to work on their limits too. By being there with them. With no judgment in eyes but a supportive hand on the shoulder. No games. No guilt-traps. No cinematic crap. They don’t wait for love. They build it. You want real results? Then stay real.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.
Please note that this post is a humble offer of awareness. No judging, blaming, shaming intended. Take what you find useful. Leave what you don’t.}

#Love #Relationship #Caring #Romance #Couple #Dating #MarriedLife #CoupleProblems #CoupleTherapy #CoupleCounseling #Counseling #CounselingPsychology #GamesPeoplePlay #TransactionalAnalysis #GuiltTraps #DramaTriangle #SelfExcuses #ConvenientExcuses #Flaws #Imperfections #PerfectPartner #PartnerExpectations #RelationshipGoals #UnderstandingLife #Maturity #Support #BeingThereForYou #HealthyRelationships #RelationshipLegends #BeReal

– “I’ve made my choice.”
– “Is it your choice?”
– “I’ll follow what they say.”
– “So it’s not your choice.”
– “Why not?”
– “It’s theirs. You’ll only copy.”
– “Why shouldn’t I?”
– “Did I say you shouldn’t?”
– “You didn’t say I should either.”
– “I just said it’s not your own choice.”
– “Why does it matter?”
– “You tell me. You began these talks.”
– “They’re smart.”
– “Are they?”
– “They think differently.”
– “Compared to?”
– “Most others.”
– “And that’s all it takes to be smart?”
– “It doesn’t?”
– “Try eating with your elbows.”
– “Why?”
– “It’s thinking different than others.”
– “It’s stupid.”
– “Well, you said it; not me.”
– “But…”
– “Yes?”
– “They look like they know better things.”
– “I’m told I look like a crow.”
– “Huh?”
– “I can’t fly.”
– “What?”
– “Looks can be deceiving.”
– “They speak confidently.”
– “Before or after?”
– “Before or after what?”
– “Getting results. Of thinking differently.”
– “I don’t know about that.”
– “Yet you wish to follow them?”
– “I…”
– “My friend, there’re ample similarities between idiots and wise. Both think different. Walk smart. Talk confident. There’re only two differences.”
– “One is result?”
– “Sure. Idiots think they’ve won before results. Wise know they’ve won only after results.”
– “I’m yet to see a wise one.”
– “You won’t see one.”
– “Why not?”
– “You believe in looks.”
– “You’re saying wise ones don’t look wise?”
– “I’m saying they don’t bother to show it.”
– “Why?”
– “Answer’s in the second difference.”
– “Which is?”
– “Idiots think of themselves as wise. Wise know themselves as idiots.”
– “Wise? Idiots? Why?”
– “Nobody is bred wise. One raises oneself into wisdom. Failures inspire strengths that offer success. And those same strengths fall short elsewhere, offering failures. One walks through such cycles repeatedly; and one develops the fundamental of all knowledge.”
– “Which is?”
– “That no knowledge covers all of knowledge. One may be wise here; but one’s an idiot elsewhere. You wish guidance, my friend? Search for one who has what you want but doesn’t claim it’s all there’s to have. For what may be everything for you, might not be all for such a soul.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#Looks #DeceivingLooks #FalseLeaders #FalseGods #Leadership #Visionary #WiseOne #WiseWords #WordsOfWisdom #ExperienceTalks #ResultsSpeak #Pretences #Pretentious #Truth #ConvincingLies #Guide #Guru #Guidance #Counselor #Counseling #Enlightenment #Empowerment #Success #Failure #Idiots #Attitude #Beliefs #Trust #Knowledge #KnowItAll

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, My Child?”
– “I met our King.”
– “Any observations?”
– “Sure. Interesting ones.”
– “Such as?”
– “His Advisor’s more knowledgeable.”
– “Than the King? Yes, true.”
– “How come one who knows less, rules?”
– “What do you see in our clan, Child?”
– “We have a scholar and an ace.”
– “And?”
– “The ace isn’t the scholar.”
– “And the scholar isn’t the ace.”
– “Exactly. Why is that so, Teacher?”
– “Difference in approach.”
– “Please elaborate.”
– “The scholar has practiced 10000 moves.”
– “Which makes him knowledgeable.”
– “The ace has practiced 1 move 10000 times.”
– “Which makes him…”
– “Applicable.”
– “Oh. Which one is better?”
– “Let no comparisons fool you, Child.”
– “Why not, Teacher?”
– “Different people, different interests.”
– “And different choices, different outcomes?”
– “Precisely. The scholar chooses to know.”
– “And the ace chooses to master.”
– “To know is to explore far.”
– “And to master is to dwell deep.”
– “Excellent, my Child.”
– “So the ace will be King?”
– “Probably. And the scholar will advise him.”
– “But isn’t knowledge power?”
– “Sure it is.”
– “Then?”
– “Question is, who’s willing to apply it?”
– “Oh…”
– “See that towel?”
– “Yes.”
– “Spread it. How’s the mass?”
– “Not much.”
– “But it covers more area?”
– “Sure.”
– “Now ball it up. How’s the mass?”
– “Significant.”
– “But it spans lesser space?”
– “Oh.”
– “To know needs us to spread our will far. It makes us liberal and patient. It gives warmth to us; makes us shelters attracting others toward us. It makes advisors out of us. To master needs us to ball up our will and drive it into a singular goal. It makes us self-centered and assertive. It gives gravity to us; makes us magnets pulling others toward us. Including the advisors. It makes rulers out of us. As we said, choices, and outcomes.”

{Inspired from a quote by Bruce Lee.}

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#Rulers #Scholars #Differences #Choices #Approach #Focus #Decisions #Knowledge #Wisdom #Experience #Will #Power #Drives #Goals #Objectives #Aim #Ambition #Reality #Truth #Quotes #Wordporn #Learning #Learner #Winner #Politics #Society #Social #SocialStructures #Personalities #Caliber

{Please note: This post is meant as a humble offer of awareness, meant to help people who face non-clinical levels of emotional disturbances in daily lives. Not to be generalized to patients of clinical mental disorders or victims of anti-social actions.}

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “I had such a bad day.”
– “No.”
– “Pardon me?”
– “You didn’t have a bad day.”
– “How can you just declare it like that?”
– “Do you see that hill?”
– “Yes.”
– “Suppose you set on a trek.”
– “And?”
– “A minute into it; you stumble on a rock.”
– “I get hurt?”
– “Hurt and angered.”
– “And?”
– “Would you carry that rock with you uphill?”
– “No. Why would I?”
– “Why wouldn’t you? It hurt you.”
– “So what? It’s unnecessary load that’d tire me.”
– “So you know that?”
– “Yes, of course…”
– “Then why are you still carrying that rock?”
– “What rock?”
– “The event that took place in the morning, today. Whatever it may be. That’s the rock that hurt you. Irritated you. Angered you. It was past, just a moment after. Except, not for you. For you’ve been carrying that negative vibe all day long with you. Walking through it repeatedly in your mind. Re-experiencing it. Vividly. Practically fooling your nervous system into believing it’s still happening. Forcing your brain to dump hormones suitable to that negativity. A negativity you can do nothing about, now.”
– “Oh… I’ve been carrying that rock…”
– “No, my Child; you’ve been carrying multiple rocks.”
– “Multiple rocks?”
– “Oh yes. Carrying that rock uphill made you lose focus. Made you lose track of here and now, the present moment. You’ve been stumbling repeatedly. Hurting yourself repeatedly. Bleeding. Colleting more anger. Accumulating and attracting more and more negative vibes. Rewarding yourself with a ‘bad day’, in the end.”
– “Why couldn’t I let go of that rock, Teacher?”
– “Events elicit emotion. Emotion taps into old habitual patterns of reactions. Scripts. Humans tend to operate from known and established ways of behavior. Even when they offer negativity. Unconsciously we like that negativity. It helps us feed our victim-states.”
– “How to let go of that rock?”
– “Never pick it up, in the first place.”
– “It’d take enlightenment of highest level.”
– “No, my Child. It takes nothing but remembrance.”
– “Of what?”
– “Of the ultimate factual understanding of life. Life works like a radio. Radio stations have specific frequencies. You change the frequency, you change the station.”
– “Oh.”
– “Negativity’s domain is our unconsciousness. It sees us as actors; playing out scripted roles in a drama. When we’re negative, we REACT to things. Positivity’s domain is our consciousness. It lets us be real; no dramas. When we’re positive, we RESPOND to things.”
– “I see.”
– “So when negativity shows up, it should serve merely as information to us. Data, that says we’re tuned to the wrong frequencies. Accept it. You’re only human and it’s OK you were unconscious for a while. No need to scold yourself for it. You can choose to change frequencies any time. The very awareness of that unconsciousness, is the shift to consciousness itself.”
– “Wow…”
– “Take a deep breath. Let it out. And congratulate yourself for finding awareness in time. Remind yourself that you’ve committed to growth. From then on, it’s about responding to events rather than reacting to them. That’s how you change frequencies. Growth happens when we walk out of our scripts. Move on. Apply mindfulness. Stay in here and now. It’s a choice. Make it.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#PowerOfNow #HereAndNow #Mindfulness #Reactions #Responses #ReactVSRespond #Games #TransactionalAnalysis #TA #gamesPeoplePlay #Growth #Choices #NegativeVibes #PositiveThinking #Awareness #Alertness #SelfHelp #SelfEmpowerment #Patterns #ScriptedBehavior #MoveOn #Emotion #Emotional_Inertia #Feelings #EmotionalManagement #OldHabits #KnowingSelf #SelfDevelopment #Maturity #AdultEgoState

– “No.”
– “Why not?”
– “I’m not interested.”
– “Do you know who I am?”
– “Yes. Result of a biological accident.”
– “What?”
– “We all are.”
– “Excuse me?”
– “A man forgot to use protection or a woman forgot to take a pill. One or the other. Nothing special about it.”
– “Do you have any idea what I’ve achieved?”
– “Sure. I read your profile.”
– “And you still say no?”
– “Uh-huh.”
– “I achieved my MD and PhD at the same time.”
– “I bathe and sing at the same time.”
– “What?”
– “I thought we were sharing trivia about ourselves; so I thought I should pitch in.”
– “Are you insulting me?”
– “I’m thinking I don’t see the connection between your research skills and relationship potential, that’s all.”
– “I don’t take no for an answer.”
– “Ah! There we see the sperm with the ambitious streak that won the contest against 80 million others!”
– “You’re insulting me again.”
– “No, you’re managing that yourself.”
– “What?”
– “My friend, I’m looking for a partner; not a buyer. Sure, you have a ton of achievements on your name. Impressive. I’m sure they’re your best allies in most walks of life. But please check if they’ve programmed you to consider everything as a product or a service you’re entitled to. Because, as of now, that’s how you’re seeing me. Yet another trophy to covet, obsess over, win and place in your showcase. I have certain relationship goals; and getting objectified like this isn’t one of them.”
– “I… Uh…”
– “You aren’t just doing it to me; you’re doing it to yourself too. You see yourself as a race-horse, not a human. That’s not hot. That’s tragic. Not everything in life needs to be some silly competition. It’s how you carry yourself, that makes you relationship material. Your ideas. Your thoughts. Your emotional maturity. Your social quotient. Your patience. I see nothing appealing.”
– “You… Uh…”
– “And that’s just me. I’m not saying you don’t have it. Maybe someone else will see something that fits theirs wants. It’s just that, I don’t. Simple thing here would be to wish each other all the best and move on. Never say OK when life-goals say ‘no’. But elsewhere, it’s OK to hear ‘no’. It’s a strength to be OK with rejections. They’re a part of life. Have that strength as yet another addition in your achievements.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
(Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#BeOK #NotOK #BeingOK #Rejections #Refusals #Relationships #Dating #DatingEthics #BeOpen #OpenMinded #BeReal #EmotionalManagement #MindGames #Compulsions #Obsessions #Insecurity #Possessiveness #Maturity #Sensitivity #Sensible #Awareness #Empowerment #RelationshipGoals #BeingAdult #SheSaidNo #HeSaidNo #SelfHelp #HealthyMindset #PositiveMentality #MoveOn

– “Can I ask you something?”
– “You can ask me anything.”
– “Will you think me a fool if I ask?”
– “I’ll think of you as someone who trusts me.”
– “Do you judge me?”
– “For what?”
– “I’ve told you lot of stuff about me.”
– “And?”
– “Much of it was negative.”
– “And?”
– “Much of it was my own karma.”
– “And that means I’d judge you?”
– “Do you?”
– “Suppose you’re in a dark room. Can’t see.”
– “OK.”
– “You have a bag of pearls with you.’
– “Oh, do I…!”
– “You smell food. You get hungry.”
– “And I chase the aroma?”
– “And you stumble. Furniture in the way.”
– “Changes my priorities. Now I must find the switches.”
– “You try. And you hear a voice.”
– “Someone else is in the room?”
– “And that person says, ‘Here’re the switches.’.”
– “And I chase that voice.”
– “And you stumble again. The purse slips.”
– “I try frantically to search for it.”
– “But you hear someone snatching it up.”
– “That… other person…?”
– “Whose footsteps you hear, rushing out.”
– “A thief who always knew a way out?”
– “A predator who preyed on your innocence.”
– “A trickster who played me…”
– “And you hear another voice. Asking help.”
– “Another… trick?”
– “So you’d think, naturally.”
– “And this time I decide to be smart.”
– “And you don’t help.”
– “Outsmarting the evil.”
– “And then you accidentally find the switches.”
– “I turn the lights on.”
– “And see a dead person. Knife in belly.”
– “Oh…?”
– “The one whose call for help you never heeded.”
– “Oh my god…”
– “Shall I judge you?”
– “N… No… I…”
– “Sure I can. If I choose to see things one way. I can declare you self-centered for not helping. Or careless, for losing the bag full of precious pearls. Or stupid, for trusting the trickster. Without asking why he didn’t put the lights on if he knew the switches. Or short-sighted, for rushing to the food instead of finding the switches.”
– “Everything’s an apt metaphor-”
– “For your life-story? Yes it is. Hindsight is always 20-20. Looking back at it all, we can easily blame the victim. For the path is all crystal-clear. Now. Except it wasn’t. Not then. Not since the beginning. In fact, everything you ever did was but a try to illuminate that path.”
– “Yes…”
– “We all begin with pursuit of happiness. Things appeal. Like the aroma of food. We rush – why won’t we? Sure we should’ve been careful; but it’s a learning. And learning comes only after pain. Like that first stumble. Hurt seeks audience. And guidance. We hear calls and we answer. Predators profit there. Another stumble. Yet more hurt. Trust is replaced with mistrust and resentment. Innocents seem evil. We detach; and someone else faces misery. Resentment turns to guilt.”
– “Yes… Yes…”
– “My friend, entire life is a sequence of classrooms. Exams show up before lectures. It’s how Nature set things. I judge nobody. That’s silly – hey, I had my stumbles too. I’m just here for you. To let you know there can be learning without blaming. If we process that past without getting judgmental. We’ll always have something new to learn. So long as we make sure we aren’t sitting through the same lecture twice, we’re gold!”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#Past #PastMistakes #Learning #LifeLessons #ExperienceTeaches #BeingStudent #PassingJudgments #NoJudging #NoCriticism #BeingThereForYou #Emotions #EmotionalManagement #Feelings #PositiveThinking #WinningApproach #Memories #Hurt #PainManagement #Depression #MentalHealth #ItIsOK #BeingOK #BeingHuman

– “Can I say something?”
– “You can. Whether you should’ve, we’ll know later.”
– “You’re so different.”
– “Compared to?”
– “Others.”
– “Each one of us is.”
– “Is that so?”
– “It’s just that, I embrace it more.”
– “You don’t look happy.”
– “The goal isn’t to LOOK happy.”
– “How can it not be?”
– “The goal is to BE happy.”
– “But I don’t see it in you.”
– “You see what you’re shown.”
– “Others enjoy their lives so much.”
– “I repeat: You see what you’re shown.”
– “You’re saying they aren’t actually happy?”
– “I’m saying there’s a possibility.”
– “Why?”
– “Evidences hint at actuality of possibilities.”
– “How?”
– “Evidences are in excess.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Tell me how they show you they’re happy.”
– “Well, they’re always partying…”
– “Present continuous tense. An action with incompletion. Possible only as either an infinite line on a graph or a cyclic loop in a four-dimensional model. Question is, why there’s that infinity?”
– “Why there shouldn’t be? Is it a sin to be happy all the time?”
– “Surely not; but the question is, can we be? Really? Is it practical?”
– “Isn’t it?”
– “Universe moves with a sine curve. Opposites show up alternately. Joys and sorrows. Can’t have one without the other. That’s a constant. So where are the times when these people CAN’T party?”
– “I… don’t see them unhappy ever…”
– “My point exactly. They make sure others won’t see that. So, do they really party all the time? Or is it a camouflage? To cover something up? Do you sense a loop? A repetition? Say, it’s a birthday bash. Same DJ systems? Same music? Same mini-dresses and shirts and torn jeans? Same jealousies hidden behind casual taunts? Same over-animated expressions? Same practiced laughs that don’t reach eyes busy in calculating each-other’s worth? Same rituals of expensive cakes getting plastered over each-other’s faces? Does it really make them happy? Or is it yet another ritual now to display ‘I’m so happy’? And the ways to do so are only so much? What does it tell you?”
– “I get it now… Their eyes… It’s like they’re searching for something they’ve never seen… and crying, within, for a losing something they never had… Why do they do that?”
– “Maybe escapism. Maybe they practice pretenses until they convince themselves it’s all real. So that they won’t have to deal with reality. Maybe it’s selective attention to what’s emotionally comfortable and convenient rejection of what’s inconvenient. Maybe an attempt at desensitization.”
– “And you don’t do that. But then, how do you find happiness?”
– “I don’t. We can’t. It isn’t to be found. It’s to be unlocked. By working on things when the sine curve is below the line. By using negativity as inspiration. To work on it, rather than running away from it. I make choices that make me happy in my own personal space. I treat myself well. With respect for what I’ve achieved and love for what it’s done to me. I have select few loved ones rather than a flock of strangers I’d call friends just because they dress same as me. I spend time with them. Or I take myself out and have a good time. It’s OK for me if others don’t see me being happy. I’m here to live; not to role-play.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |

#HidingTears #ThinkingHumanity #HiddenFeelings #HiddenEmotions #PartyCulture #TearsBehindSmiles #Consumerism #Debaucheries #Indulgences #UnmaskingPretenses #Camouflage #GamesPeoplePlay #LaughingExcessively #Choices #PersonalSpace #AnimatedExpressions #SelectiveAttention #Desensitization #Addictions #HiddenTruth #UrbanSocieties

{Please note:

1. This post is a humble offer of awareness.

2. No judging, blaming, shaming, preaching intended to anyone.

3. Not to be applied to patients of clinical mental disorders.}

– “My partner doesn’t deserve me.”
– “Break up.”
– “You don’t want to know why I said so?”
– “Do you need me to know why you said so?”
– “Break-up is a solution?”
– “For undeserving partners? You tell me.”
– “But I don’t want break-up.”
– “Please check the pay-off in that idea.”
– “What idea?”
– “’I live with a person who doesn’t deserve me.’”
– “My partner walks away whenever I’m upset.”
– “So?”
– “You don’t deserve me, if you can’t handle that.”
– “Your partner handles that.”
– “Huh?”
– “Just not the way convenient to you.”
– “Meaning?”
– “How do you convey you’re upset?”
– “How does anyone…?”
– “I haven’t met everyone. Let’s stick to you.”
– “I confess I get a bit loud…”
– “Before or after your partner leaves?”
– “I believe offense is the best defense.”
– “So it’s an action-movie?”
– “I might’ve broken the occasional TV…”
– “What about blaming others?”
– “When it’s their mistake.”
– “Which it is always, according to you?”
– “Well… Yes… hehehe!”
– “That hehehe reminds you of something?”
– “What?”
– “How did you handle problems in childhood?”
– “But I say sorry later…”
– “Please answer the question.”
– “But I’ve always been like this…”
– “And that justifies everything?”
– “Yes… No… But isn’t it a partner’s duty to-”
– “To play a parent for you? Whenever you get emotional? And can’t handle it? And shift back to your Child Ego State? The one that reminds you throwing tantrums is how you get others’ attention? Like a parent’s? Who’d come rushing and solve the problem for you? So that you never have to learn how to do it on your own? That’s the Game?”
– “Are you shaming me for being emotional?”
– “Is it emotionality? Or emotional disability?”
– “Umm…”
– “Please check the pay-off in that idea.”
– “What idea?”
– “Realizing the truth and then rejecting it by calling it ‘shaming the victim’; so that you can hide behind that guilt-trap you’re swinging at me.”
– “People of my gender-group-”
– “Do NOT have the right to use their gender to excuse childish behavior. Dear, you aren’t good at these Games. Tell you what: no-one I’ve ever met is. Games are dysfunctional ways to achieve results. Your partner doesn’t deserve you? Absolutely right. No-one deserves an adult behaving like a child. You’re frustrated, for your partner opts smarter choice: stepping out of the game. And yet, of course you don’t want a break-up. Your partner waits for you to come back to a functional state. And when you do, you two actually get solutions. You don’t want to lose that. Am I right?”
– “Yes… But a partner needs to be there when I’m emotional.”
– “And partners will, when we realize being emotional isn’t a license to abuse others. When we learn better ways of communication, that’d help us place our feelings forward, in a way they can be processed by others. We judge our partners for not being there; but do we check if we let them be there? We also need to be there with them when they try to be there with us. A relationship takes all four feet in it. Let’s first check where ours are: wrapped around the partner’s waist or firm on the ground. Sure, it’s a whole different story if you’re a case of depression and your partner is rejecting that. But did we check? Or are we hiding behind ‘I’ve always been like this’?”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}#Relationship #RelationshipChallenges #CoupleIssues #CoupleTherapy #Tantrums #Emotions #Feelings #EmotionalManagement #AngerManagement #TA #TransactionalAnalysis #Togetherness #Dating #MarriedLife #Abuse #VerbalAbuse #Victims #PlayingTheVictim #VictimState #SelectiveIdentification #GuiltTraps #EmotionalManipulation #ChildEgoState #AdultEgoState #ParentEgoState #TakenForGranted #CommunicationSkills #Dialogue #RelationshipTalks #Counseling

– “I have a big problem.”
– “No.”
– “How can you declare that?”
– “What you have is a situation.”
– “So?”
– “Anxiety freezes action; presents things as crisis.”
– “Everything’s out of control.”
– “No. Some of it is in your control, now. That’s A.”
– “But most of it isn’t in my control, now. That’s B.”
– “That’s irrelevant, as of now.”
– “Why?”
– “For you need to focus only on A.”
– “Why?”
– “So that it’ll bring some of B in your control.”
– “But it’ll be little gain.”
– “Which is useful.”
– “Why?”
– “You can handle only what’s your size.”
– “And then?”
– “See that achievement as investment. Apply it back into it. More will unlock.”
– “And so on and so forth?”
– “Until everything’s in your control.”
– “That’s how I’ll find solution?”
– “That’s how anyone has ever found a solution.”
– “Why did I not see it?”
– “You have a big brain.”
– “So? It should’ve helped me.”
– “It’d have, had you let it.”
– “I didn’t?”
– “Did you check what’s in your control? Part A?”
– “No… Why didn’t I?”
– “You got emotional.”
– “And that was my fault?”
– “No. But what you did with it, was.”
– “What did I do with it?”
– “You let it scream at you, ‘You have a big problem’. Which reduced logic to a tiny part and pushed it to a small corner. Robbed of the ability to make judgments, that tiny logic disintegrated. And got spread all over the situation. Showing you only what wasn’t in your control, part B. Showing you only what’d appeal to your emotional setup, your fear. You used it to attest your belief that you have a hopeless crisis; and you crashed.”
– “So what should I have done with that emotion?”
– “Use it as inspiration. To remember, that each problem has a solution. To use it as fuel, to get into action for what a solution needs: data collection, and distinction between part A and B. And then, instead of spreading a tiny logic over part B, you could apply all of you on part A. Do what you can actually do about things. Get results. Invest them back into the solution-process. Get more results.”
– “Oh.”
– “It’s a gradual process. As it should. Be happy it’s so. Since that’s what a human can handle. Looking up at the summit while trekking will make you slip. Focusing on one foot forward at a time, is what gets you there.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |

#Problem #Solutions #ProblemSolving #Resolution #Crisis #CrisisManagement #Management #Focus #Brain #Mind #MindPower #Growth #Success #Anxiety #Panic #EmotionalManagement #Vision #ThinkingOutOfTheBox #Judgment #Ability #Capability #Strength #Winner #WinnerMindset #WinnerMentality #WinningStrategy #WinningApproach #TaskManagement #InspirationalQuotes #MotivationalQuotes

– “I wish strength.”
– “It’s with you.”
– “Why is it invisible to me?”
– “It’s not. You haven’t looked yet.”
– “I did.”
– “And what did you see?”
– “I saw soul-shattering weakness.”
– “Or was it soul-full of weakness?”
– “Yes. I’m full of weakness.”
– “Congratulations.”
– “Why?”
– “You have great strength.”
– “I don’t understand.”
– “Observe that tank of water.”
– “The one stationed up high on pillars?”
– “Yes.”
– “What of it?”
– “Where did its water come from?”
– “It’s collected from the river nearby during rains and poured into the tank.”
– “And how’s it used?”
– “By pipelines that end with taps in our homes.”
– “Why not use water directly from the river?”
– “For one, the river runs dry in summer. And the pipelines help us use it smartly. In the right quantity at the right time for the right purpose.”
– “Does it help?”
– “A lot. The tank is big.”
– “Your soul is that tank.”
– “And what’s the water?”
– “Experience. Collected from the river of life whenever it rains.”
– “If it’s experience, why do I not feel empowered with it?”
– “You collect water without knowing the purpose of the tank. Absent the purpose, you know nothing but the hardships of that collection. You feel weak for your memories tell you so. You open no taps; water remains stagnant. And what’s stagnant, stinks. Same as the water in that tank would, if it isn’t used.”
– “How can I construct pipelines that open with taps?”
– “Weakness turns to strength when experience is used differently. Greater the weakness, greater the memory; and greater is the data. It feels weak; for that data is kept disoriented. Consult with your memories. Check how many parameters are there to an idea. You’ll notice there’re only a few in your control. Fret not; for they’re sufficient. Find logical correlations between parameters. Manipulate them one by one and apply them, until you see results. Success is data of past failure used differently.”
– “Beautiful… But I fear I’ve wasted too much time…”
– “Your resentment has only added length to those pillars below the tank. Good. That water has that much more potential energy to it. The pressure-head is great. When you begin opening taps, it’ll come gushing! Now you won’t just dare to meet your past failures; you’ll embrace them. For now you know. They’re the strength that fuels your success.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#SuccessMantra #WinningSpirit #WinningStrategy #PositiveThinking #PainIsGain #NoPainNoGain #Weakness #FindingStrength #MindPower #Confidence #PastFailures #Success #Winner #Transcendence #PushingYourLimits #Hardwork #Smartwork #Choices #ThinkingDifferently #SmartIdeas #SmartThinking #BillionaireThinking #RichMindset #PositiveAttitude #ChangingMentality #Corporate #BusinessStrategy #FuelForSuccess #YouAreStrong #StrengthWithin

– “I told my partner.”
– “What?”
– “I just said it. ’I don’t need you.’”
– “How many times has it been now?”
– “What?”
– “Ain’t the first time I’m hearing this.”
– “My partner doesn’t know-”
– “How lucky your partner is, right?”
– “Exactly.”
– “Ain’t the first time I’m hearing that too.”
– “One day I’ll really leave.”
– “Why haven’t you yet?”
– “Huh?”
– “It’s not that you need your partner.”
– “I want to give my partner one chance.”
– “Ain’t the first time-”
– “Yeah, yeah, I know. You don’t know my partner.”
– “Your partner is childish and immature.”
– “Exactly…”
– “Your partner needs to improve.”
– “Exactly…”
– “Which is irrelevant.”
– “How can it be irrelevant?”
– “Because you don’t need your partner.”
– “No… Yes… I mean-”
– “If we agree you don’t need your partner, then we also have to agree you’re getting nothing out of this relationship. And that begs a logical question. Why haven’t you left yet?”
– “I… I love my partner…”
– “So we have to reject the hypothesis.”
– “What?”
– “You can’t say you don’t need your partner.”
– “Listen, I love my partner; but I can live without this relation too.”
– “Sure you can; question is, why are you still here then?”
– “I’m awaiting this person to grow…”
– “What’s the pay-off for you, out of it?”
– “Pay-off?”
– “What do you get out of it? Check with yourself. Do you have Messiah Complex for this person? Do you like to see your partner’s personality as an unfinished building? So that you can be the one to complete it and reward yourself with a certificate of completion? Sure your partner is immature. But does it help your unconscious drive to play a parent for someone? You know it tests your patience. Do you like that test? For it lets you exercise your belief that you’re more integrated than the other person? Does it help you feel superior? Would you feel guilty if you aren’t there for that child? Think it’s your duty?”
– “It’s not that I’m the only one who cares…”
– “Oh, of course it takes two to play a game! Is it that you know you have issues of your own? Does your partner cover for it, the way you cover for your partner’s? Does it irritate you that your partner knows about your weaknesses? Don’t like that someone knows you aren’t the perfect soul you think you are? Is it why you repeatedly claim ‘I don’t need you’? Are you really a parent for this person? Or are you a child who wants to be seen as a parent? And it irritates you that you can’t get that; not fully? Are you two using each other? Giving and taking complementary strokes to each others’ beliefs? Is it a passive-aggression to cover for how emotionally needy you both are?”
– “I… Uh…”
– “My friend, this dysfunctional relation of yours is fulfilling one or the other of your needs. There’s a mechanism here. You’ve titled it love. Which means, deep down, you want it, however dysfunctional it may be. So first, stop claiming ‘I don’t need you’. You do. And two, get a realistic assessment of what that mechanism is. Get help, if you want. You both need to change and grow. You can do it together or in your own personal spaces. Then you can check if the final outcomes are compatible with each other. You can stay, if they are. Or you can leave, if they don’t. But stop playing games. You’re only degrading yourself; and it helps nobody.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#Relationship #RelationshipTalks #RelationshipGoals #RelationshipChallenges #Couple #CoupleTherapy #Dating #Marriage #MarriedLife #Love #LoveProblems #Counseling #CoupleCounseling #Resentment #Breakup #Divorce #Emotions #EmotionalManagement #Feelings #TA #TransactionalAnalysis #GamesPeoplePlay #PassiveAggressive #Awareness #Empowerment #Maturity #Growth #Improvement #SelfHelp #EmotionalStrokes

– “You know it, right?”
– “I know little; but I know what I need to.”
– “I’m talking about your daughter.”
– “What about her?”
– “She put cheese in your lunchbox.”
– “I know. She does it every day.”
– “Doesn’t she know you’re lactose intolerant?”
– “No.”
– “What do you do with that cheese?”
– “I give it to a co-worker.”
– “Why don’t you tell her to stop?”
– “Why should I?”
– “Well, what she does is…”
– “Silly?”
– “I was going to say incorrect.”
– “She is four.”
– “So?”
– “She does it out of love. Out of care. And she thought of it on her own. No-one told her to. Not me, not her mom. That’s sweet. That’s human.”
– “Yes, but-”
– “And my first duty right now, is to be there for her when she offers that care. Receive it. Acknowledge it. Let her know caring is good. Encourage it. With a smile. Tell her the cheese was delicious and I love her.”
– “Yes, but-”
– “Yes there are errors in that care. But it’s OK, for now. It’s more important to encourage her to grow into a human being now, rather than correctitude. Criticism has a rush to it. If my four-year-old daughter is trying to be thoughtful, then her dad, too, needs to be careful and patient and avoid that rush.”
– “Does it mean you’ll never-”
– “Of course I’ll tell her the truth. Last thing I want is her caring to grow into mindless compulsion that’d be a problem for others or herself. If I find her innocent actions are causing problems elsewhere, of course I’ll have a talk with her immediately. But for little things like that cheese in my lunch, I’d place that rectification a bit later. Maybe a few more days. When she’s mature enough to take it. When she can absorb that caring needs caution in it too. Not now, when the only thing I’d achieve is to make her feel caring is bad. It’s about knowing which talks need to be now and which can be later. There’s a time and place for everything. I’ll do what’s necessary for her growth rather than what’s appealing to my judgmental attitude.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.
Please note that this post is a humble offer of awareness. No judging, blaming, shaming, preaching intended to anyone. Take what you find useful. Leave what you don’t.}

#Children #Childcare #Caring #Love #Family #Sharing #Thought #Thoughtful #Mindful #Sensitive #Parent #Parenting #Communication #Dialogue #Rectification #Judgmental #Criticism #Patience #Dad #Mom #Innocence #Awareness #Maturity #BeingAdult #Emotions #Feelings #IgnoringFlaws #RushingIntoIt #Relations #Relationship

– “You don’t understand.”
– “Then help me understand.”
– “There’re certain things about me.”
– “What about them?”
– “You should accept them.”
– “Even when they create problems?”
– “They’re a quality of us, silly.”
– “Who’s us?”
– “My gender-group.”
– “World population is 7 billion.”
– “…”
– “So 3.5 billion are you.”
– “…”
– “Did you meet all of them?”
– “…”
– “No. So you can’t possibly know all of you have this ‘quality’.”
– “This is your problem. You’re so theoretical.”
– “Oh? I was just matching up with you.”
– “You mean, I’m theoretical?”
– “Yes.”
– “Statistics says that 65.87 percent of people from my gender-group have-”
– “That. Right there. That’s theoretical.”
– “It’s proven by studies.”
– “And that excuses things?”
– “It should. Only problem here is that you don’t know how to treat my gender-group.”
– “A survey says we don’t have enough hospitals in our city.”
– “So?”
– “Does it mean it’s OK? Or does it mean we need to change that?”
– “…”
– “You’re playing a game. You know you have limits. Childhood behaviors dragged into adulthood. Habits and approaches and attitudes. You know they’re negative. You know you need to change. But change takes efforts. And you hate effort. You want to save yourself from it. You know it’s possible only when it’s declared the problem isn’t a problem at all. Luckily for you, there are many like you. Same problems, same escapism. Together, you help each other. By declaring it’s a quality of a gender-group rather than a problem with an individual. As if majority is somehow a launderer for negativity. It’s convenient. It helps you escape. Not just that; it also helps you put the other gender-group in guilt. So that they too will pamper that weakness for you. Probably same as your parents did, back in your childhood.”
– “As my partner, it’s your duty to-”
– “Not be a parent to cover for you; but to be an equal partner who encourages you to be better. Sure you’ll always have certain limits. So will I. And sure, it’s our duty to each other to accept that. But let’s establish two facts. One: Those limits are our own, individually. Our gender-groups have nothing to do with it. And two: There’re natural barriers and then there’re artificial self-handicaps. Let’s check if we’re mistaking the latter for the former, using our genders for convenience. And if we’re, then let’s get in action to rectify that. We hate it when we get gender-stereotyped? Then let’s remind ourselves we too can’t do it to ourselves when it’s self-convenient. This relationship is a space to work together and be better; not a facility to take each other for granted and force each other to suffer. Let’s be real here.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
| Life Empowerment |
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.
Please note: This post is a humble offer of awareness. No judging, blaming, shaming, preaching intended to anyone. Take what you find useful. Leave what you don’t.}

#Relationship #Couple #Dating #Boyfriend #Girlfriend #Marriage #MarriedLife #Husband #Wife #CoupleIssues #RelationshipProblems #Breakup #Divorce #CoupleTherapy #GenderBiases #GenderStereotypes #GenderPrejudices #TA #MindGames #GuiltTraps #SelfHandicaps #SelfExcuses #GenderEquality #GenderNeutrality #Sexism #GenderDifference #Man #Woman #Awareness #Counseling

– “I want growth.”
– “Take actions.”
– “I can’t.”
– “What’s stopping you?”
– “Anxiety.”
– “Of what?”
– “Growth asks for sacrifices.”
– “You don’t want to lose what you have now?”
– “I don’t.”
– “Do you have a tricycle?”
– “Why would I have a tricycle?”
– “I remember you had one when you were three.”
– “What about it?”
– “I once pushed you off it.”
– “I remember.”
– “You cried like crazy.”
– “I loved that tricycle.”
– “What happened to it later?”
– “Mom threw it out.”
– “You cried again?”
– “No.”
– “Why not? You loved it like crazy.”
– “Not anymore. I was ten when mom threw it out.”
– “What changed?”
– “I grew up, what else?”
– “Not just that.”
– “Then what?”
– “Now you had a bicycle.”
– “Yes I did.”
– “And you knew it was more fun than the tricycle.”
– “Oh.”
– “But how did you know bicycle was more fun?”
– “How?”
– “You chose to learn riding one.”
– “Oh.”
– “And you did it, WITHOUT knowing initially that you were going to love it more than the tricycle.”
– “Oh…”
– “Imagine you had never chosen that. Imagine you had chosen to stick with the tricycle. Not ready for the sacrifices, as you put it. Imagine a ten-year-old you riding that tricycle. Think you’d have been happy?”
– “No. I’d have been trapped in a tricycle I didn’t want anymore and craving for a bicycle I couldn’t ride, for I never bothered to learn. I get it now. We make the mistake of assuming present-day desires will remain same in future. They don’t. Time changes everything. Awareness shifts. So do the desires. Cling to present-day desires without growth; and I’ll end up desiring something else I can’t have and settling with something old I don’t want anymore. The other option is to choose growth and build an ability to choose and enjoy joys future will unlock for me. I must listen to that grown-up future me, not the limited-me I’m at present.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
{Thank you, if shared. Please share with author’s name.}

#Growth #Life #Present #Future #Desires #Ambition #Happiness #Ideas #Choice #Evolution #Progress #Development #Awareness #Explore #Times #Change #Transformation #Winner #PositiveThinking #Priorities #Vision #Smart #MoveOn #Next #New #WinnerMindset #WinnerMentality #WinnerAttitude #WinnerApproach #WinningStrategy

– “I want to succeed in this.”
– “What are you doing about it?”
– “Not much.”
– “So the idea is to keep dreaming?”
– “I don’t think I can win.”
– “Not with that attitude; you can’t.”
– “Why do I think that?”
– “You like to think that.”
– “Why would I like that? It’s negative.”
– “That’s never stopped people from liking stuff.”
– “Then why do I like it?”
– “Because it fits.”
– “To what?”
– “To what you’d be OK to accept as truth.”
– “You mean, I like it for I find it explainable?”
– “Exactly. It suits what you know about yourself.”
– “Why do I overrate that?”
– “Our ancestors lived in the jungles, my friend. There was no security. It was more sensible to make a comfort zone out of available resources at one place and stick to it, no matter how limited they’d be. More sensible than sticking your neck out to the unknown and risk getting it cut. Self-doubt helped our ancestors survive. We still follow that program even in today’s urban environment.”
– “And that’s why I declare what I know of myself as the ultimate I’d ever be? To stop myself from stepping out?”
– “Exactly. Self-doubts are defense mechanisms. Protecting us from a reality that’s been out-of-order since 5000 years. Remedy is to stay aware that you’re following a dysfunctional program. Logic justifies our self-doubts. Stay aware that, of course it will. Logic is just a product of self-knowledge that’s limited to what we’re today, trying to preserve that state. If what we’re today isn’t working for us, then neither is that logic; and we must reject it.”
– “Oh.”
– “Toddlers have the sensibility to refuse that logic; that’s why they try standing up even when they know they can’t. And that’s exactly why they grow quickly. Be that toddler. Be shameless and fail repeatedly; that’s what success stories are made of. Failures. It’s the try that gets us there.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
{Thank you for sharing. Please share with author’s name.}#Success #Winner #Ambition #Aspiration #Achievement #Accomplishment #Failure #Struggle #Effort #Growth #Progress #Development #Self #SelfHelp #SelfImprovement #PersonalityDevelopment #Change #ComfortZones #SelfDoubt #Challenges #Weaknesses #Strength #Empowerment #Awareness #Transcendence #Limits #Beliefs #PositiveThinking #MotivationalQuotes #DefenseMechanisms

– “You say winning takes focus.”
– “Yes I do.”
– “I’ve seen many who had focus.”
– “Yes you did.”
– “Not all of them won.”
– “No they didn’t.”
– “Why did they lose despite of focus?”
– “They were focused; but at what?”
– “Well… at winning; what else?”
– “And what was winning, according to them?”
– “They wanted to prove themselves.”
– “Prove what?”
– “Prove that they had what it takes.”
– “What does it take?”
– “The winning spirit.”
– “Nice word. Who was asking?”
– “Meaning?”
– “Who gave a damn if they had it or not?”
– “Family. Friends. Society.”
– “And all of them had the same notion of ‘what it takes’?”
– “Well…they… I…”
– “Don’t sweat it; they didn’t. No-one ever does.”
– “Why do you say that?”
– “Notions of success have a sense of conformity to them. Someone wins. A loser watches it; gets dazzled. He declares that particular win as the ultimate win. Turns it into a goddamn doctrine. Shows it to you. Except it’s a big crowd of losers. Each one in that crowd saw a different winner. Each one has a different idea. You listen to one. You spend the rest of your life trying to be that ‘perfect winner’ you never needed to be. Maybe you win that loser’s approval. But another losers spits on you; for you didn’t fit in his criteria. So you get into trying to win his approval. And so on. It’s a vicious cycle. Ultimately you lose the individual uniqueness that’d have fueled your own win. And you fail, in the end.”
– “Yes… that’s what happened to them.”
– “Except it doesn’t need to. Stop bullshitting yourself with sentimental crap. Success is in being best at being yourself, is all. You find what makes YOU tick; you get both feet in it; you tick with it every day without fail; eventually you and your thing tick with the correct rhythm. That shows up as success. Stuff to consider here is that everyone has a different thing; a different tick; and a different rhythm. It ain’t same for everyone. No two bastards out there can tell you they have the same notion of ‘what it takes’. They just can’t. And if they do, know that one of them is lying to you. He’s just copying the other. And he’ll most probably fail.”
– “Oh.”
– “Focus on what you’re focusing. Stop sweating for others’ approval. De-sentimentalize success. Focus on yourself; your gut feel; focus on what makes YOU happy. Stay true to it. That’s real win.”© Counselor Apoorv Vikas
Life Empowerment
{Thank you for sharing. Please share with author’s name.}#Success #Failure #Win #Winner #Loser #Focus #Aim #Goal #LifeGoal #Dreams #Target #Aspiration #Ambition #Inspiration #Motivation #Growth #Progress #Approval #Appreciation #Admiration #Acceptance #Conformity #Sensational #Bullshit #BeYouself #Satisfaction #Peace #Maturity #Awareness #Happiness

{Please note this post is a humble offer of awareness without any judging, shaming, blaming, preaching intended to anyone. Take what you find useful. Leave what you don’t.}

– “You always talk of processing pain.”
– “What about it?”
– “What does it mean?”
– “Do you like pain?”
– “Of course not.”
– “It’s there nevertheless?”
– “Yes it is.”
– “So how about making use of it?”
– “Pain can be useful?”
– “There’s a reason it’s there.”
– “What is it?”
– “It serves an inspiration to defeat what causes it.”
– “And processing pain is how it can be useful?”
– “Exactly.”
– “How to process pain?”
– “How does a rabbit get pain?”
– “A wolf attacks it.”
– “Or?”
– “Thorns hurt it.”
– “Or?”
– “It eats rotten fruits.”
– “Or?”
– “It may just get sick.”
– “Why it’s possible for the wolf to attack it?”
– “The rabbit isn’t aware it’s there, hiding.”
– “Why?”
– “The sight of fruits numbs it with hunger.”
– “Why it’s possible for thorns to hurt it?”
– “The rabbit doesn’t see them.”
– “Why?”
– “The sight of fruits numbs it with hunger.”
– “Why it’s possible for rotten fruits to hurt it?”
– “The rabbit doesn’t see they’re rotten.”
– “Why?”
– “The sight of fruits numbs it with hunger.”
– “Why it’s possible for it to get sick?”
– “For an infinite number of reasons.”
– “Wolf. Thorns. Rot. What’s common?”
– “Hunger does it in.”
– “No. It’s the RUSH to sate that hunger that does it in.”
– “Oh.”
– “We’re all that rabbit.”
– “I see.”
– “We all have our own hungers. They aren’t bad. Can’t blame ourselves for pursuing happiness. It’s the rush that messes it up. Growth is to grow above that rush. And apply caution. Use senses better. Fruits may trap the rabbit’s vision. But it can smell a wolf’s fur. Or hear the vibe in the air as the wolf breathes in anticipation. It can feel the thorns beforehand if it moves in slowly. It can taste a small portion of the fruit to know if it tastes funny. Point is, it can explore. Know things beforehand. Take precautions. The inspiration can come from memory of past pain. If it chooses to. If it sees it as a wiser choice. As compared to hoping all wolves in the jungle will go vegan. Or the thorns will turn to petals. Or the fruits shall remain fresh as morning. For none of it is in its control. But its own actions are.”
– “Oh.”
– “Of course it can’t do anything about the illnesses. Not its fault. But it can still choose to eat healthier and hop a bit more every morning to keep its system functional. And decrease the probability of disease. That’s how pain can be processed. If we see our choices. And get active.”

© Counselor Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
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#Precautions #Caution #Growth #Pain #Suffering #Misery #Sorrows #Problems #Past #PainManagement #Awakening #Enlightenment #Empowerment #Strength #Inspiration #Motivation #Evolution #Knowledge #Wisdom #Maturity #Understanding #Self #SelfHelp #Vision #Sense #Sensible #Feelings #Emotion #PositiveThinking #Wordporn

– “I want to win.”
– “So win.”
– “I don’t find a forward drive.”
– “It’s there.”
– “Why are you so sure it’s there?”
– “Nature programmed it there. In all of us.”
– “Why can’t I feel it?”
– “You reject it before it says anything.”
– “Am I taking others too seriously?”
– “What others?”
– “All those who ever told me I won’t make it?”
– “Their input is merely supplementary.”
– “To what?”
– “You own self-negation.”
– “Why do I do that?”
– “Reasons are many. I’d reject them all.”
– “Why? Are none of them logical?”
– “On the contrary all of them are logical.”
– “Then why should I reject them?”
– “For logic is a liar, in this specific case.”
– “Why?”
– “Logic is relative to the person. Anything can be proven, you know. It’s all about knowing what people will agree to believe as truth. With the right math, you can prove even earth is flat. People get duped with elaborate propaganda all the time. Doesn’t mean what’s provable is real.”
– “Yes.”
– “One such intelligent creature is there in you. Negativity. It lives as a parasite in hosts like you. It hacks your system to get its food. To that effect, it spreads its web though your psyche. It explores you and knows how to play you. It knows what lies you’ll like to hear as truth. It knows what ideas will satisfy your logic. It needs you to stay inactive and get rewarded with rejections and self-negations and feeling sorry for yourself all the time. The more miserable you feel, the healthier it’ll get.”
– “So I what I feel about myself isn’t real?”
– “Check who is this ‘I’ in your statement. People believe the ‘self’ remains steady. It doesn’t. Not when we’re unconscious about it. Most are. Negativity makes a photocopy of it. And edits it to a version suitable to it. The weak-minded version. And places it in between us and our true selves. It’s the greatest act of manipulation that has ever worked.”
– “How to defeat it?”
– “Manipulation works only when you’re willing to pay heed. Don’t. Stop. Now. The loser self in you will never permit you to move forward. Why would it? It wants you to stay a loser. Challenge here is to stay conscious that it’s not real. It’s smart and cunning. It’ll trick you with its affectionate touch and whispers. It’ll invite you to have a debate. So that it can trap you again. But you can choose to be smarter. Don’t fight it. Don’t bother explaining yourself. You kill it with ignorance. Just act. You don’t need to feel ‘nice’ to act – that’s yet another of its lies. You’ll realize, none of what it told you, was ever real. It’s then you see how powerful you actually are; it’s then you begin feeling nice. And then your winning begins.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
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#Success #Winner #Win #Growth #Progress #Achievement #Fulfillment #Development #Improvement #Inspiration #Motivation #Confidence #MindPower #Struggle #Effort #Action #Manipulation #PositiveThinking #NegativeFeelings #SelfDoubts #Anxiety #SelfHelp #Self #Empowerment #Awareness #Failure #ComfortZone #DefeatingNegativity #Unconsciousness #Awakening

– “Am I a failure?”
– “Do you feel positive for what you are?”
– “I think I could’ve been better.”
– “I asked for feeling, not thought.”
– “I feel negative.”
– “Then you’re a failure.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Success is to be best at being yourself.”
– “So?”
– “You don’t feel best being yourself; you’re a fail.”
– “What do I need to do to win?”
– “First check what’s a win.”
– “How?”
– “Let’s talk about that thought.”
– “I think I could’ve been better.”
– “Who defines what’s better?”
– “My friends do.”
– “How do they know?”
– “They see others’ lives, same as my age.”
– “And what do they see?”
– “Salary figures. House sizes. Their partners.”
– “These are measures of success?”
– “Yes.”
– “No.”
– “No?”
– “These are mere configurations of their lives.”
– “Do they not present success?”
– “They’d, if those people are happy with it.”
– “They look happy.”
– “Everyone looks happy in photographs. Or social visits.”
– “Are they not happy?”
– “Only they’d know. They’re successful if they are happy. They’re a failure if they aren’t.”
– “But either way they can’t be measures of success or failure?”
– “Not in a universal sense. We all have our own lists of things that make us happy or unhappy. Their list won’t work for you. And if measuring up to their list is what you think you need, then remember: you’ll be playing their characters in a drama. No guarantee it’ll make you happy. You might get it all and then realize you never wanted it. And there’s always someone else out there who presents a bigger measure. Bigger salaries and houses and prettier partners. You’ll be in a constant loop of feeling incomplete. It’s an endless game.”
– “So how do I win?”
– “By being real. By finding out what makes you truly happy and working toward it.”
– “And then I’ll be successful?”
– “From your point of view. That’s what matters. Remember that. There’s no universality to success. Your friends might still keep telling you that you’re a failure for you don’t measure up to their neighbor’s kid’s lifestyle. It’s their game and let them play it. What they think of you is none of your business. Don’t wait for someone else to permit you to feel happy. You need only your permission. Have it now.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
{Thank you for sharing. Please share with author’s name.}

#Success #Winner #Win #MeasuresOfSuccess #SuccessStories #Happiness #Mentality #Mindset #Attitude #Approach #Lifestyle #Riches #Feelings #Emotion #BeReal #BeYourself #Pragmatic #Realistic #Drama #Living #Originality #RolePlay #Comparisons #RealLife #BeHappy #SelfHelp #Awareness #Empowerment #Wordporn #Peace

© अपूर्व विकास

– “… असं का होतं ? तुझ्याबाबतीत झालंय असं ? मी एकाच वेळी परिपूर्णता आणि रिकामेपण अनुभवतोय. आणि मला त्रास होतोय या एकटेपणाचा. कळत नाहीये, माणसं अशी का वागतायत… मला यातून बाहेर पडायला मदत करशील ?”

शब्दांत यातना. भावनेमागे वैचारिक गोंधळ. तो निस्तरण्यात आणखी यातना.

– “बाहेर पडण्यासाठी मुळात आपण कशात शिरलोय ते पाहूयात ?”
– “हो.”
– “मला सांग, ही परिपूर्णता आल्ये कुठून ?”

नजरेत चमक. चेहऱ्यावर तेज. शब्दांत यशोत्तर आत्मविश्वास.

– “आत्मस्तुतीचा धोका पत्करून मी म्हणेन, की आयुष्यात काहीएक मिळवलंय रे मी… ठरवलेली उद्दिष्टं ठरलेल्या वेळेत जमवलीयेत. इच्छा होती, ते सुखोपभोग. हौस होती, ती पदं. महत्वाकांक्षा होती, ती ताकद. एक तृप्ती आहे, कर्तबगारीची.”
– “छान. समाधान हवंच. आता त्या रिकामेपणाबद्दल सांग.”

नजरेत नाजूकसं दु:ख. चेहऱ्यावर वयापल्याडच्या सुरकुत्या. शब्दात अस्फूट तळमळ.

– “…मला वाटलं होतं, यशापाठोपाठ आप्तेष्टांचं मोठं वर्तुळ गवसेल. इथे उलट आहेत ते मित्र गमवतोय मी. मार्गाच्या सुरूवातीला लोकांना कोण कौतुक होतं माझं ! आज त्याच नजरांच्या समीक्षणाचे आणि तिरस्काराचे नजराणे झेलतोय मी… आणि, का ते कळत नाही… यातल्या कुणालाच काही दुखावलं नाही रे मी… कुणाला अडवलं नाही; नाडलं नाही; वापरलं तर अजिबात नाही. माझा मी चालत होतो, माझ्या मार्गातून. मग हे नाकारलेपण कशासाठी ? गुन्हा नसताना शिक्षा का ? समजत नाही; सहनही होत नाही…”

मिनिटभर शांतता.
त्याआधी बोलणं नाही; त्याला त्याची स्पेस घेऊ दे.
त्यानंतर गप्प राहणंही नाही; भावना कोसळण्याआधी विवेक सावरायला हवा.

– “शिखर पाहिलंयस कधी ?”
– “हो. एकटेपण असतं शिखरावर.”
– “पायथ्याशी हजारो असतात. शिखरावर एकच पोचतो.”
– “कारण शिखरावर जागा नसते ?”
– “शिखरावर जागा किती आहे यापेक्षा चढण्याची हौस कितीजणांना आहे, हा मुद्दा असतो.”
– “नसेल हौस तरी हरकत नाही; प्रत्येकाला असलीच पाहिजे हा आग्रह नाही. पण जो वर पोचलाय त्याचा तिरस्कार का ?”

नजरा एकमेकींना भिडतात; विचारांचा एक जबरदस्त स्पेक्ट्रम तेजाळतो.

– “पायथ्याशी असताना माणूस ‘ज्ञात’ असतो. माहितीतला असतो. चढाईदरम्यान येणारी आव्हानं त्याला बदलायला भाग पाडतात; बदल स्वीकारला तरच चढाई शक्य असते. हा बदल इतरांच्या दृष्टीपल्याड होतो; कारण चढाईवेळी ते साथीला नसतात. त्यामुळे पायथ्याला असतानाचा ‘ज्ञात’ शिखरावर पोचल्यावर इतरांसाठी ‘अज्ञात’ होतो. आणि जे अज्ञात आहे त्याला भ्यावं, हा प्रोग्राम निसर्गानेच सर्व सजीवांच्या अंतरात कोरून ठेवलाय. ही भीती तिरस्कार, टोमणे, मत्सर आणि नाकारलेपणाच्या भाषेतून प्रकटते.”
– “पण असा काय मोठा बदल झालाय माझ्यात ? मी आजही तोच आहे जो पूर्वी होतो…”
– “नाही, मित्रा. नाही. विचार, आचार नि उच्चार, हे ते तीन बदल. सकाळी उठण्याच्या आळसावलेल्या वेळेमुळे इस्त्री करायचा कंटाळा केलेला तुझा मळकट शर्ट, इथपासून श्रीमंतांच्या पोरींबद्दल वाटणाऱ्या असूयेमुळे तू त्यांच्यावर केलेल्या कळकट्ट विनोदांपर्यंत, तुझ्या सगळ्या सवयी दोस्तांना माहीत होत्या. त्यातून तुझे विचार त्यांच्यापर्यंत पोचायचे; जे त्यांच्या ओळखीचे असायचे. नंतर ध्येयाची प्रेरणा मिळाल्यावर तू ते बदललेस. सजग आणि सावध होऊ लागलास. पैशाप्रती गैरसमज बाजूला करून मोठ्या आकाराच्या स्वप्नांना हो म्हणू लागलास.”
– “हं…”
– “बदललेले विचार आचारातून आणि उच्चारातून प्रकटू लागले. कारण तू त्या दृष्टीने पावलं योजू लागलास. जिद्दीपाठोपाठ शिस्त आली; कौशल्यवृद्धीपाठोपाठ सूत्रबद्धता आली. कधीही वेळेवर न येणारा तू स्वत:हून वेळा पाळू लागलास; आणि इतर वेळ पाळत नाहीत यावरून त्यांना शब्दाने तासूनही काढू लागलास. आजवर त्यांच्या पठडीत असलेला तू साचेबद्धपणातून बाहेर पडलास आणि स्वतंत्र झालास. नवा झालास. वेगळा झालास.”
– “पण हे सगळं पॉझिटिव्हच तर होतं ना ? तरीही-”
– “दादा, दुनियेला पॉझिटिविटीची पडलेली नसते; लोकांना आपण दाखवलेल्या साच्यात स्वत:ला अंग मोडून सामावणारे हवे असतात. तुला नाकारण्याची सुरूवात त्यांनी तेव्हाच केली होती. तू अंत:प्रेरणेने भारतो आहेस, हे पाहून ते बावचळले होते. तुझी स्फूर्ति त्यांना त्यांच्या कम्फर्ट झोन्समधून बाहेर यायला प्रवृत्त करणार नाही, याची काळजी घ्यायची होती त्यांना; कारण त्यांच्यासाठी त्यांची परिस्थिती त्यातल्या गचाळपणासहित प्रेमाची होती.”

परत थोडा वेळ शांतता.
शब्द मनात; मनातून हृदयात.
तिथे भावनेत डचमळून परत वाणीमध्ये –

– “पण… हे दुनियेचं झालं… निदान माझ्या नातेवाईकांनी तरी… तसं करायला नको होतं… माझा भाऊच… तो ही…”
– “एक लक्षात घे. स्वत:ला वाढवण्याचा चॉईस तू निवडलास. हा चॉईस इतर कोणीही स्वत:च्या बाबतीत नाही निवडला. तू वाढलास; शिखरावर आलास; ते अजूनही पायथ्याशीच आहेत. पठडीतच आहेत. साच्यातच आहेत. त्यांचे विचार-आचार-उच्चार जुनेच आहेत; आणि राहतील. यात शेजारचे असोत नाहीतर भाऊबंद. शिखर चढत असताना तुला मिळालेली प्रगल्भता शिखर न चढताच त्यांना मिळणार नाही. अन् तरीही तू त्यांच्याकडून तशी अपेक्षा करणं हे तुझ्या प्रगल्भतेची उंची कमी करतंय, हे लक्षात घे.”
– “आता कारण समजलंय… पण तरीही दु:ख होतंच. खरंतर मी त्यांना शिखरावर यायला मार्गदर्शन करायलाही तयार होतो… किती छान झालं असतं… का नाही आले ते…?”

आता शब्द शांत; पण करारी होतात.

– “तुझ्या वृद्धीने तुला आयुष्यात दोन महत्वाच्या शिकवणी दिल्यात. पहिली शिकवण :- सुख आणि दु:ख हा चॉईस असतो. नेहमीच. आपण फोकस कुठे करतो, यावर तो ठरतो. दुसरी शिकवण :- तुझ्या नियंत्रणात फक्त तू आहेस. इतर कोणीही नाही. दोन्ही शिकवणी एक कर. पायथ्याकडले आज आपल्यासोबत नाहीत, यावरून तू गळा काढू शकतोस. किंवा पूर्वी शिखरावरचं जे आपल्याकडे नव्हतं ते आज आपल्याकडे आहे, या सत्याची गळाभेट घेऊ शकतोस. पायथ्याकडचे सगळे शिखरावर आले पाहिजेत, हा आदर्शवाद झाला; ज्याला प्रत्यक्ष व्यवहारात शून्य किंमत असते. शिखरावर तेवढी जागा नाही; आणि सगळ्यांना जागा व्हावी म्हणून शिखर घासून सपाट करून त्याचं पठार करायला ते तुलाच सांगतील – ज्यात डोंगराची उंची कमी होते. उपयोग नाही. ‘पायथ्यावर राहूनही त्यांनी मला स्वीकारावं’ – नाही होणार. तुला आभाळ अख्खं दिसतंय; त्यांना छोटासा तुकडाच दिसतोय. यश हे norms मध्ये बसत नसतं. बहुतांश लोक जेते नसतात. तुला गर्दीतला एक राहायचं नव्हतं. जमवलंस तू. आता त्या मिळकतीशी प्रामाणिक राहा. परत गर्दीची आस ठेवू नकोस. गर्दीला शिखराची आस कधीच नव्हती; आणि त्यांना तुझीही आस नाही, हे सत्य स्वीकार. वेगळे पर्याय; वेगळ्या निवडी; वेगळे परिणाम. आणि यावरून त्यांना दोषही देऊ नकोस. तुझ्या दृष्टीने ते त्यांचं अपयश असेल; त्यांच्या दृष्टीने ती सामान्यता आहे. स्वत:च्या निवडींबरोबरच इतरांच्या वेगळ्या निवडी स्वीकारणं, आणि त्या निवडीत स्वत: नाकारले जाण्याचाही स्वीकार होणं, ही तुझ्या वृद्धीची पुढली पायरी आहे.”

© अपूर्व विकास
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{शेअर केल्यास आभार. कृपया शेअरिंग लेखकाच्या तपशीलासहित करावं ही नम्र विनंती.}

#यश #यशस्वी #कर्तबगार #कर्तृत्व #मनशक्ती #मनशांती #भावना #भावनिक #वैचारिक #सुखदुःख #नातेसंबंध #समाज #तिरस्कार #मत्सर #पर्याय #निवड #वृद्धी #प्रगती #उत्क्रांती #व्यक्तिमत्त्व #सकारात्मक #नकारात्मक #प्रगल्भता #शिखर #शिकवण #आयुष्य #ध्येय #ध्येयपूर्ती #समाधान #आत्मबळ

The King said,
– “You always say we make our own fate.”
– “Yes, My King,” said his Advisor.
– “How?”
– “Choices.”
– “But fate can be negative too.”
– “Sure it can.”
– “Why and how anyone would choose what’s negative?”
– “May I request Your Majesty to invite Royal Historian to the court?”
The King nodded; and the Royal Historian was brought in.
He was an ancient man with hawk’s eyes.
– “Sire,” said the Advisor, “You’ve penned all of royal history, yes?”
– “Sure I have,” said the Historian. “Gods deemed me fit to witness this bloodline since our King’s grandfather’s time.”
– “So you must know about our King’s father and uncle, yes?”
– “Oh, I knew those boys since they were babes at their nurses’ bosoms.”
– “We all have heard about our King’s father’s life.”
– “Full of adventures and achievements. A great king to serve to. My apprentices still write of his bravery and wisdom.”
– “Sure. But we haven’t heard much about the King’s uncle. Hardly a verse in your texts, maybe.”
The Historian sighed and nodded.
The Advisor asked, “One wonders, how come two men sharing the same blood differ so much on the walks of life?”
– “Choices,” whispered the old man in reverent tone.
The Advisor glanced at the King. He was observing the conversation with keen interest.
– “What choices?” he asked.
The old man said,
– “My King, your father and uncle finished their training, in the classroom and on the field, the same day. Both had bruises to show for it. Your grandfather saw our nation as two bodies of one whole: the east and the west. He let the boys choose who’d rule which lands.”
– “What did my father choose?”
– “The west.”
– “Why?”
– “The west is a mountainous region. Your father had often ridden to those rocks in his early youth. He always had an ambition to turn those mountains into castles. A grid-work of defensive and offensive combat stations that’d end any foreign assault as it’d try to move in though those valleys. He saw those difficult rocks as an opportunity to turn them into our nation’s greatest strength.”
– “And what did my uncle choose?”
– “The east.”
– “Why?”
– “He hated those mountains in the west.”
– “Yes,” said the Advisor; “But what did he like about the east?”
The old man smiled a worn smile.
– “One must see things first to like or dislike them. That boy never bothered to do that. It wasn’t the niceties of the east that inspired his decision. It was the dread of the west that did. It was escapism; not vision.”
– “And then what happened?” asked the King.
The Historian’s hawkish gaze focused at a location in past. “Your father was fervent in fulfilling his ambition. In hardly any time, the west turned into the greatest military infrastructure in the known world. Few dared to attack; and they were cut down to the last man. Soon, it presented a deterrent to any who’d get in the mood to unsheathe his sword.”
– “Splendid.”
– “But they had all heard of the riches of our lands. Fear and greed worked in unison and they turned their gaze to the east. There’s the southern sea. They’d use it to bypass the west and arrive at the eastern shores. Your uncle thought he was safe with his brother to defend the nation from west; but he learned soon he was wrong. They say, one often finds one’s fate on the same path one takes to avoid it. As lustful men poured out of their ships to slaughter innocents, your uncle remembered all those times during training when he had waited for his brother to come to his rescue. He did the same now. Your father heard the call; came east and saved the nation. Humiliated at his inability to perform his duty, your uncle turned a recluse. He retained his titular kingship; but everyone knew it was your father who enjoyed ruling.”
The Advisor looked at the King. “A great learning for us all. To decide, is to affirm to desired results; not to reject required pains.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
{Thank you for sharing. Please share with author’s name.}

#Choices #Decision #DecisionMaking #Vision #Visionary #Winner #Success #Growth #Challenges #Problem #problemSolving #Solutions #Progress #Development #Learning #Wordporn #Quotes #PositiveThinking #Focus #Attitude #Approach #LifeGoals #Aim #Escapism #Cowardice #Courage #Stories #Awareness #Life #Empowerment

– “What is success?”
– “Success is to be best at being ourselves.”
– “How to reach success?”
– “It’s not a destination to reach.”
– “Then how to have it?”
– “By unlocking it. Within ourselves.”
– “Do I not have to find myself?”
– “You have to uncover yourself.”
– “But isn’t success result of self-evolution?”
– “Of course it is.”
– “Isn’t evolution growth?”
– “Of course it is.”
– “How would I grow, if I’m looking within?”
– “Where do you think you need to look?”
– “Outside.”
– “How can you look out, if you’re blind?”
– “Why am I blind?”
– “Do you see that lantern?”
– “Yes. What about it?”
– “What’s a lantern?”
– “A flame enclosed in glass to shine light out of it.”
– “Why glass? Why not metal? Or wood?”
– “Light needs transparency. Flame needs protection. Glass serves both purposes.”
– “What good is that flame, if the glass is darkened with soot?”
– “No good. We’d be blind even with the flame.”
– “So you agree you need to clean the glass?”
– “Of course.”
– “In that metaphor, who do you think you are?”
– “I’m… the flame…?”
– “No. Not yet. For now, you’re the glass.”
– “Why can’t I see the flame?”
– “As we said, darkened glass blinds us.”
– “What soot has darkened me?”
– “Negative Opinions. Self-defeating perceptions. Doubts.”
– “Yes. I’m a huge reservoir of that negativity.”
– “No. It isn’t original. You borrowed it from others. You’ve been at it since childhood. You were the flame, originally. You were yourself. You were told not to be. You were mocked. You were laughed at. Criticized and judged. By a crowd full of losers whose smirks convinced you they knew how to win.”
– “Why did I let them fool me?”
– “Negativity is cunning. Smart. It tricks us with lies that are truths by relativity. Clouds don’t cover the sun. Clouds hide the earth from sun. Except we don’t see that truth. We believe the sun has vanished. Our relative perspective makes it a truth for us.”
– “Oh.”
– “Others offer us invalidation. We match it with our own experiences. Frustration fills in the gaps left in rationale. We agree to let self-doubt live long and turn to belief. We accept defeats in battles we never fought.”
– “How to be the flame again?”
– “By understanding a fact. Check the feeling attached to logic. Logic is useful only when it inspires us to move forward. Positivity does it. So does negativity, even; if it drives us to even some odds. Logic is a liar, when its feel robs us of inspiration. When it tells us not to go forward with a path but motivates us for no exploration elsewhere either. When it awards us stagnation. That’s false logic. That’s logic borrowed from losers. And we must reject it.”
– “I see.”
– “Being a flame is to choose to keep shining; irrespective of how dark it is out there. Be conscious and make that choice to investigate logic, each time it tells you to stop shining. To grow you, is to be you, first. That’s how you’ll brighten the flame while clearing the glass as well. That’s how you’ll get vision to look out too and notice opportunities you were blind to earlier. That reach-back to your originality is how you’ll win.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
{Thank you for sharing. Please share with author’s name.}

#Inspiration #Motivation #Positive #Thinking #Winner #Success #Failure #BeYourself #Criticism #Judgment #Struggle #SelfDoubt #SelfHelp #Growth #Evolution #Progress #Wordporn #Focus #Truth #Peace #Transcendence #Logic #Reason #FalseLogic #Awareness #Explore #Belief #MindPower #Thoughts #Strength

– “What is time?”
– “Time is what we make of it.”
– “What if we don’t have time?”
– “Then we need to make time.”
– “What if others leave us no time?”
– “It’s our time. It’s not theirs to lease us.”
– “What if they’re our enemies?”
– “Check who made that choice. You or them.”
– “What if I made it?”
– “Check if it’s helping you.”
– “What if it’s actually helping me?”
– “Check, to what end.”
– “What if the end effect is what I want?”
– “Then stop complaining; for you asked for it.”
– “What if they made that choice?”
– “Do you give all of your time to friends?”
– “Not all of it.”
– “Then why give all of it to enemies?”
– “What if they don’t leave me alone?”
– “Then you have three options.”
– “Such as?”
– “You make peace with them.”
– “Or?”
– “You get to a place out of their reach.”
– “Or?”
– “You destroy them.”
– “Which one is better?”
– “Depends on what you want in life.”
– “Why?”
– “Life isn’t in what happens to us; it’s in how we respond to it. Logic dictates to get awareness of what we want in the end; and choose responses that’d bring it to us.”
– “Oh.”
– “These three options have something in common. One way or the other, you move on. Depends on what you want to carry in the time ahead of that action. Making peace leaves you with a friend. Is that what you want? Getting out of there leaves you with an experience; now you know what went wrong how and where. Is that what you want? Destroying them leaves you free for the time; except of course, it might put their kin in mood for revenge. Is that what you want?”
– “Choices.”
– “Opt for one result; work on it and move on. But make sure you don’t get suspended in a motionless limbo of resentment and hatred and jealousy. That’s where time tricks you into thinking it has stopped for you. Except it stops for no-one. And you realize too late you’ve lost it for good, along with all the opportunities for a better life. Hear that future now. Act, if it ain’t the one you want. We remember our defeats on our deathbed; along with our wins. Of course we all win some and lose some. But at least make sure those defeats won’t be wins we’d miss. Enemies won’t set you free; until you choose it. You’re in control here; not them.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment

#Win #Winner #Time #Life #Enemies #Competition #Opponents #Hatred #Resentment #Feuds #War #Jealousy #BadBlood #Disputes #BuryingTheHatchet #Peace #FoesTurnedFriends #Progress #Maturity #Choices #Options #MoveOn #Experience #Freedom #WhatWeWant #Defeats #LostBattles #Memories #DeadthbedConfessions #WiseWords

– “I want to win in life.”
– “What are you doing about it?”
– “I’m trying to find myself.”
– “Why did you lose yourself?”
– “I never had myself.”
– “Since when you’ve been a failure?”
– “Why do you call me a failure?”
– “You told me so.”
– “When?”
– “You said you never had yourself.”
– “So?”
– “Life is in being yourself. Winning at it, is when you’re at your best in being yourself. If you have never had that, you’ve been a failure. I mean it as a statement; not judgment. Everyone is a failure before winning.”
– “I’ve been feeling my failure since high-school.”
– “Not before that?”
– “I don’t think so.”
– “You told me one lie.”
– “What?”
– “You said you never had yourself.”
– “And that’s a lie?”
– “We begin feeling our failures only when we lose ourselves. For that’s what a failure is. For you, that happened in high-school. So before that, you had yourself. And you were winning.”
– “Maybe I wasn’t that much aware of things before.”
– “Why do you say that?”
– “It’s not like I was particularly bright in anything before high-school either. Maybe I didn’t know back then that it’s a problem.”
– “It was never a problem.”
– “How could it not be? I wasn’t winning at anything even then.”
– “But you were trying to. In your own way. Staying true to whatever and whoever you were. Not seeing that as an inadequacy. You had reached no goals; but winning is in choosing to win and opting for a path and staying true to it; and by that sense you were a winner. Sure you weren’t aware that you had yourself; but maybe that was a blessing back then.”
– “Why?”
– “You were uncorrupted. Clean. Free.”
– “Free from which corruptions?”
– “Others’ opinions about you. The ones you began paying attention to, since high-school. Their judgment. Their criticism. Their mockery. Their taunts. Comparisons made between you and someone else, by peers and parents and teachers. You were told that being yourself is bad. And you agreed to it. You thought it was growth.”
– “Wasn’t it?”
– “It could’ve been, only if you had opted to grow ahead of your originality, without invalidating it; without invalidating the path traversed so far. You could’ve built on that. You didn’t do that. You chose to reject that originality completely. Replaced it with half-baked images of someone else’s idea of success. Today you’re a jigsaw puzzle; the blocks of which shall never match, for they aren’t of the same final picture. They’re an assortment of few blocks each of many different pictures; none of which are finished. You’ll never find success putting those blocks together.”
– “So what should I do?”
– “Rectify the most fundamental mistake you made. Get back to your originality. Yes, it’s still there. Introspect and you’ll find your gut instincts still there, alive inside you, waiting for your call. Reject all opinions; they’re relativities and that’s why they’re irrelevant. Stable truth is in your originality. Life will give you options each day; each moment. Close your eyes; take a deep breath; and feel those choices. See which one resonates more with you. Which one goes beyond intellect and emotion; which one affirms with your soul. Go with it. Winning is in staying true to a series of such soul-felt choices. Success is the final form of all these choices combined.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment

#Success #SuccessMantra #Winner #WinnerAttitude #WinnerQuotes #QuotesByLegends #Growth #Progress #Fail #Failure #Struggle #Effort #Originality #Personality #Choices #Judgment #Opinions #Perceptions #Criticism #Change #FindingYourself #BeYourself #Development #SelfHelp #Career #Life

– “I want to go forward.”
– “It’s the best direction.”
– “My friends warn me not to.”
– “Your friends are entitled to have opinions.”
– “I need to consider their opinions.”
– “Why?”
– “I fear they might be right.”
– “Why fear it, if it’s right?”
– “I fear I’ll learn it too late. That’s why.”
– “Do you know for sure?”
– “No.”
– “What if you don’t go forward; and they’re wrong?”
– “I’ll regret I lost my opportunity.”
– “Which will be too late as well, yes?”
– “Yes. That’s why I’m in dilemma.”
– “Dilemma is data collected insufficiently and processed incorrectly.”
– “How to resolve that?”
– “Reject relativities in that data.”
– “What relativities?”
– “Opinions. Yours and theirs.”
– “Why reject both?”
– “For both are right. Despite of being opposites. Makes them useless data.”
– “How could both be right?”
– “Perspectives are different. We’re all correct, at our own place.”
– “Oh.”
– “And that should teach you something important about being right.”
– “What is it?”
– “Being right is irrelevant, for it’s relative to the observer.”
– “Oh.”
– “Situations with binary opinions leave both parties partially right and wrong. You go forward or you don’t; either way you’re going to win some and lose some. Growth and security are each others’ costs. You earn one, losing the other. Either you’ll remain safe in your comfort zones with no growth; or you’ll grow exposing yourself to unfamiliar threats.”
– “So what remains true, then?”
– “Abilities. For they aren’t relative. They’re real. Yours are yours. It’s about your zest, will, desire to apply yourself; accept the defeats without agreeing to their finality; work on aspects in you that brought that partial loss to you; add strengths; and turn it all into a full win.”
– “Positive.”
– “Winning is a choice. Our potential isn’t about winning. Everyone is a loser before winning. Nobody is a born winner. Potential is about our ability to choose winning, no matter how many times we lose. For lose we’ll for sure. So don’t waste your time checking who’s right and who’s wrong. Just check if your zest outweighs your friends’. Just check if you can make the choice to see your fails as databases to know how to win. And if the answer is yes, then live each moment in your journey staying true to that choice. For you’re you. And you deserve the best of you.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Success #Win #Winner #WinnerAttitude #Focus #Choices #Risk #RiskManagement #Security #Threats #Growth #ComfortZone #Progress #Development #Failure #Fails #Defeat #Life #Career #Business #New #ThinkingPositive #OutOfTheBox #Inspirational #Motivational #EncouragingWinners #Zest #Enthusiasm #Willpower #Abilities

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, My Child?”
– “I’m so happy we helped that old person.”
– “I’m glad you found happiness in it.”
– “I have a question.”
– “Yes?”
– “You could’ve commanded us to help that person.”
– “But?”
– “But you didn’t.”
– “And what did I do, instead?”
– “You said, ‘Do we know what’ll happen if we help that old person?’”
– “I did that, didn’t I…”
– “Why did you approach it like that?”
– “You found happiness in it, didn’t you?”
– “Yes.”
– “Can you describe its quality?”
– “It’s… complete. Serene. It’s… satisfaction.”
– “Does following commands lead to satisfaction?”
– “I don’t think so.”
– “Why not?”
– “Commands ask for obedience. Not acceptance. Commands incept a sense of slavery. Brings resentment. We’d still have helped that person; but it’d have been work; not an offering. I don’t think it’d have built satisfaction.”
– “Would you say satisfaction is built when the offering is a choice?”
– “Yes, that’s true.”
– “Do you have your answer now?”
– “You mean… your goal wasn’t just to help that person? You also aimed at making us happy?”
– “I aimed at letting you know you can be. By being there for others. No-one can be ‘made’ happy. Happiness is unlocked by a choice. As you did, today.”
– “But why did you focus on OUR happiness?”
– “Tell me. If everyone adopts your path, would we ever have negativity in lives?”
– “No. We’d be living as the best version of our existence.”
– “There’s tremendous power in humanity. But it’s a choice and choices have to be made. In the end we’re only humans. We need incentives. We make choices only when we know there’s satisfaction at the end. It’s how we’ve been programmed. I wanted all of you to know that happiness is there at the end of the choice you made today. I didn’t tell you it’s there; I just encouraged you to explore and arrive at that conclusion on your own. From now on, you’ll remember it’s there; you’ll strive to have it by being more humane to others. Letting more see it’s there. Inspiring more to join in the effort. That cumulative consciousness of true happiness is what binds us to a cumulative effort of living together; where we’ll stand with each other; not against. It’s how we build a utopia. That’s my goal. Sounds idealist, I know; but hey, an old man dreams, my Child… Hope you see that dream too.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Together #Human #HumanBeings #BeingHuman #Humanity #Helping #Care #Caring #Sharing #Help #Support #SupportGroups #HelpingHands #Happiness #Satisfaction #Choices #Peace #Growth #Maturity #Progress #Development #Positive #PositiveLife #Empowerment #Awareness #Wisdom #Knowledge #Conscious #Effort #Future

{Please note: Readers may find personal similarities with characters in the plot. The post is meant only as a humble offer of awareness and a wish for better lives for us all. No blaming, judging, shaming, preaching is intended. Take what you find useful. Leave what you don’t. Take nothing personally.}

– “No.”
– “No? What do you mean no?”
– “I see no logic in that idea.”
– “So? Hello, I’m emotional right now. Screw logic.”
– “We can; except there’s a cost.”
– “What cost?”
– “Life will screw us later.”
– “You don’t understand love.”
– “Then help me understand it.”
– “No. You don’t get it.”
– “Let’s make sure you do.”
– “Why?”
– “We’ve established I’m useless for love.”
– “So?”
– “That leaves you.”
– “Why can’t you understand I need your support right now?”
– “Is it support you want? Or is it blind agreement you expect?”
– “Supporting my actions is your duty.”
– “There’s a prerequisite to that.”
– “What?”
– “Checking the validity of those actions.”
– “You’re invalidating my ability to decide?”
– “After you told me to screw logic? Was there another choice?”
– “That’s why you don’t understand love. Love means unconditional support to partner. Even if those actions lead to a problem later. You should have the guts to tell me, ‘Honey, don’t worry; let’s go ahead. I’ll deal with it. Whatever it is that comes out of it.’”
– “There you are!”
– “Huh?”
– “That last bit is the expected pay-off of the game.”
– “Game? What game?”
– “We have a problem. It’s frustrating you. An escape from that frustration is more important to you than useful solution. So you’ve given up finding that solution. You’re more interested in an outburst of action. Erratic and impulsive. You think it’ll get you a release. You want it, no matter how short-lived it will be. But you’re clever. By experience, you know the consequences of that erratic action will come and hound us soon. Not only the problem will remain unsolved; it’ll come back doubled. And you don’t want to deal with it. You want someone else to bear that load then. ‘Honey, I’ll deal with it.’ Not ‘we’ll deal with it’. That’s the second layer of your escapism. You think your most effective candidate for that role, is me. For I’m your partner. And someone told you a partner is there just to be taken for granted. To make me play that role in this drama, you’re flashing this cinematic idea of love in front of me. Hoping to get me feel guilty I’m not ‘up-to-the-mark’. Did I cover it all or you want to add something?”
– “I… You… I mean…”
– “Listen. Yes, I’m your partner. Yes, I love you. Yes, I care for us both. And no, I refuse to get emotionally hijacked this way. One: it’s personally degrading for me. You have no right to do that to me and I have no reason to get it done to me. I’ll leave it to you to process if you’re doing this consciously or unconsciously. I don’t mean to blame or shame you; I’m encouraging you to process things and make better judgement. Two: we’ve got a problem and it needs a solution. Not an escape that lets it proliferate. I need to feel no shame in staying true to that fact. True caring for our relation, is in finding that solution.”
– “OK. I… agree. Emotion isn’t an excuse for senseless action.”
– “So here’s what you and I are gonna do. We’re gonna go out. Take a walk. Get a lunch. Clear our heads. Fuel up our systems. Change frequencies. Get ready for work. And then we’re gonna sit our asses down; and list out what we can do for this situation individually and together. We’ll check what’s in our control and what isn’t. If time allows, we’ll both try to add strengths we lacked earlier. We’ll apply what we can. We’ll reject what we can’t. We’ll accept the gains. We’ll make peace with the losses. That’s how we deal with things and move on. Ready?”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Relationship #Love #Care #Caring #Partners #Dating #Couple #Marriage #MarriedLife #Problem #ProblemSolving #Solutions #Drama #GamesPeoplePlay #TransactionalAnalysis #TA #Unconscious #Awareness #TakenForGranted #Emotions #Feelings #EmotionalHijacking #SelfHelp #Maturity #ChildEgoState #AdultEgoState #Communication #Growth #SelfRespect #Assertiveness

Failure, once, is failure.
Failure, twice, is education.
Tallies with the first fail.
Tells you why you failed.
You take the cues.
You avoid what didn’t work.
You apply it.
And you fail for third time.
Now you know for sure what doesn’t work.
And you have a hint of what might.
You take the cues.
You choose what might work.
And it does.
Except not up to the mark.
So you fail. For the fourth time.
But you smile.
For now you have something you lacked earlier.
Direction.
Now it’s about staying true to the path.
Choosing same actions anew. Each day.
Except with a conscious attempt.
At precision.
At exaction.
At accuracy.
At failing at it. Each day.
Except, with a conscious attempt at failing gracefully.
At adding yesterday’s learning to today’s effort.
At subtracting little measures of those errors.
At subtracting little measures of those fails.
At winning in those fails.
Until there’s no more error.
Until you’ve won.
We don’t achieve wins.
They’re already there within us.
We just make fails absent. Gradually.
So that the wins within can shine without.

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Success #Win #Winner #Achievement #Results #Accomplishment #Gains #Growth #Progress #Development #Goals #LifeGoals #Dreams #Evolution #SelfHelp #Aspiration #Ambition #Inspiration #Motivation #Positive #Strategy #Tactics #Millionaire #Billionaire #Business #Career #Money #Empowerment #Failure #Transformation

– “I was used.”
– “I know.”
– “I was betrayed.”
– “I figured.”
– “Why people do such things?”
– “They see it’s possible to do it.”
– “How can people be such wolves?”
– “Wolves exist, for rabbits do.”
– “Are you blaming the victim?”
– “I’m awakening the victim.”
– “How so?”
– “Let’s compare what happened to you, to theft.”
– “I’m listening.”
– “There’s robbery. And then there’s cyber fraud.”
– “Yes.”
– “A robbery begins, and ends, with physical force. They break in. They grab you. They beat you. They tie you up. They break the locker. They make away with the cash.”
– “Yes.”
– “A cyber fraud is much different. You receive an e-mail. ‘Invest now; get thrice as much back in three months!’ You like it. You love it. And you say yes. You invest. You give them your account number. Next thing you know, your account is wiped clean. No trace.”
– “Yes.”
– “Tell me what’s similar in both cases.”
– “In both cases, I’m the victim.”
– “Now tell me what’s different.”
– “I… know it; but can’t pin-point it.”
– “In first case, you’re an innocent victim.”
– “Yes.”
– “In second case, you’re an ignorant victim.”
– “Oh.”
– “The difference is choice. In first case, you’re given no choice. In second case, you’re given a choice. And you agree to that choice. You’re a rabbit who sees a carrot dangling in front of you. You like what you see. You choose not to think more, explore more, know more. You choose to take a leap. Instead of the carrot in your mouth, you end up in the wolf’s mouth.”
– “I see…”
– “Some wouldn’t blame the victim in the first case. Some would blame the victim in the second case. I for one blame neither; for blame-games are unfruitful and it’s not my place to judge others. But I’ll surely ask people to check if they’re victimizing themselves as per the second case, and mistaking it for the first case.”
– “I believe I made that mistake.”
– “We notice such pairs of wolves and rabbits in multiple formats. Each time, there’s a distinction between Case One and Case Two. It’s about how wolves and rabbits act. Take sexual abuse, for example. There’s rape. And then there’s an abusive relationship entered blindly, for someone dangled the carrot of cars and parties and fun in front of the rabbit. Sometimes that carrot is of false emotional support, dangled in front of the rabbit right when the rabbit was emotionally needy. The rabbit chooses to trust just what’s shown; choosing not to bother with independent verifications. The rabbit pays the cost for that lapse in judgment, contributing to its own victimization.”
– “Yes. There’s a difference. It’s about absence versus presence of choices.”
– “In your case, the environment was corporate. The wolves were a bunch of cunning bastards who wanted a scapegoat to take the blame for their corrupt deals. They considered you as a possibility. They verified it. They checked if you can be Case One; where you had no idea what they were plotting behind your back. But then they realized it was better if they get you into the loop. They dangled the carrot of quick promotions and growth in front of you. You loved the possibility of immediate gratification. They asked you to cut some corners. When you resisted, they preached you not to be a ‘by-the-book idiot’. You consented to let that criticism change you. You chose to deviate and go by their way. You agreed to be Case Two. And here you are, with a nasty memo on your screen. You have two options. You can resent yourself for those choices. Or you can see this as a lesson and grow a better awareness.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Gratification #Lust #Greed #Weakness #Traps #Deception #Betrayal #MindGames #Cunning #Victim #Victimization #SelfVictimization #Awareness #Exploration #Investigation #Predator #Prey #Sex #Rape #Abuse #Manipulation #EmotionalAbuse #Exploitation #Deviation #StayTrue #Awakening #SelfDefense #SelfHelp #SelfCare #Counseling

– “How to arrive at a goal?”
– “By beginning to walk, in the first place.”
– “How to get there fast?”
– “Stay true to the path.”
– “What if there’s no path but the current one?”
– “Stay true to it all the more.”
– “What if the current path isn’t the right one?”
– “Check what makes you feel so first.”
– “I don’t see what I should see on this path.”
– “So the current landscapes aren’t to your taste?”
– “No they aren’t.”
– “So the current location in the path isn’t right.”
– “No it isn’t.”
– “Why does that make the whole path wrong?”
– “Huh?”
– “What’s a path?”
– “A path takes us from A to B.”
– “No.”
– “No?”
– “A path takes us from A to Z. There are many alphabets in between. Your journey is a summation of many segments. Linking multiple locations together. You’re at one of them as of now. Sure you don’t like the scenery. It’s OK not to like it. It’s not necessary you have to like each segment of this journey. Or any of it. The travel is just a tool to reach the destination. Know that landscapes change, as we proceed forward. So keep walking forward. If you don’t like the current landscape, then use that negativity as inspiration to walk faster and truer; you’ll change the landscape that much quicker.”
– “Yes. I need to see it as a challenge; not a problem.”
– “When there’s no path but the current one, know that the need to stay true to the path adds up all the more. For you seek a change. And for better or worse, it’s ahead. Not here; and surely not behind you. Everything happens for a reason. If you feel negative now; that means the powers that’ll lead you to your goal know that you need to feel so right now. They speak to us through our feelings. We respond through our thoughts and actions. Know their language; respond to their call. Your war is cut out for you, in the form of facing this negative landscape. Walk courageously, like a warrior.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Success #Win #Winner #Achievement #Fulfillment #Destination #Goal #LifeGoals #Aim #Target #Objective #Inspiration #Motivation #Positive #Wordporn #Struggle #Fight #Effort #Resilience #Commitment #Dedication #WinningSpirit #Warrior #Legend #LoneWarrior #FightingAlone #OnYourOwn #Change #Transformation #Growth

– “I have a problem.”
– “Let’s find a solution.”
– “But the problem isn’t the problem.”
– “That’s spiritual. I like it.”
– “I know I can solve the problem.”
– “That’s positive. I like it.”
– “Provided I find its root.”
– “Which you haven’t yet.”
– “Yes.”
– “And that’s the problem.”
– “Yes. I explored far and wide. I remained neutral. Processed actions. Mine and others’. I concluded I made no mistake. Made me feel nice; but for a short while. It told me I’m facing negativity for none of my mistakes. Hurts more than the problem itself.”
– “I understand.”
– “Thank you.”
– “But do you?”
– “Am I not?”
– “You have a belief. It says a mistake is the only cause of a problem.”
– “I’m realizing I must change that belief. It doesn’t always have to be a mistake on my part. But then what else?”
– “Remember your first year here?”
– “Wasn’t a nice year of my life.”
– “I know. You had a failed relationship.”
– “For none of my mistakes. History really repeats, huh?”
– “It will; until we learn out of it.”
– “I’m listening.”
– “Your partner told you, ‘It’s your duty to keep me happy’. You agreed. You’d bring gifts. Your partner would hate those gifts. You’d bring more, remembering your ‘duty’ and shaming yourself for ‘failing’ in it. One day you got dumped. Next day you saw that person with someone else. Flashing the riches. You saw the ‘riches’ were those exact gifts you had given.”
– “Yes.”
– “Your partner never actually hated those gifts. Just that you were willing to play the game and there was possibility of more gifts; your partner knew how to play you to get them.”
– “Yes.”
– “Here, it wasn’t about a mistake on your part. Your love was true. It was about a weakness. Left unconscious in the form of an unprocessed belief. ‘It’s my duty to keep my partner happy’. Unknown to you; but visible to your partner. Ready to be exploited. All your partner had to do, was to verbalize it; telling you what you always believed was real – and bingo, you fell in the trap.”
– “I corrected that belief later. When I realized happiness cannot be given; it’s only chosen.”
– “Negativity is an organism searching for home. It finds that home in places in our lives we leave unconscious. There’s a variety. Beliefs behind actions, leading to misdirection. Or inactions, when action is needed. Mindless actions undertaken to satisfy a pattern; just because it’s familiar. Mindless rituals, eating time that could’ve been used elsewhere more constructively. Old traditions followed compulsively and thoughtlessly. Impulsive actions taken on insufficient data. Or unchecked data. Meanings drawn, rather than understood, out of people’s speech or actions. Or situations. Misunderstanding attracts negativity. For your current issue, check your beliefs behind each action or inaction you’ve made so far. You’ll find one of those beliefs isn’t working for you. Either it was always useless or it’s obsolete now; making you weak. That’s where you’ll discover your error. Solution is in rejection of that belief and its replacement with a true, well-processed idea.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Problem #ProblemSolving #Solutions #Remedy #Negativity #Positivity #Weakness #FindingStrength #Mistakes #Conscious #Unconscious #Mind #Thinking #Habits #ThoughtProcess #BeliefSystem #Management #Empowerment #Awareness #Growth #Constructive #Motivational #PositiveThinking #Approach #SelfLiberation #SelfHelp #Exploration #Understanding #UsefulThoughts #Transcendence

{Please note: Readers may find personal similarity with characters in the plot. Note that the post is meant as a humble offer of awareness. No judging, shaming, preaching is intended to anyone. Alternate viewpoints are respected. Take what you find useful. Leave what you don’t. Take nothing personally.}

– “I’m so upset.”
– “What’d relieve you?”
– “She needs to understand I’m in pain.”
– “Why?”
– “Because I recently had a breakup with my partner.”
– “No; why does SHE need to understand?”
– “She texted me to come watch a movie yesterday.”
– “Am I supposed to say ‘that b*tch’?”
– “I texted no. I told her I’m going through a breakup.”
– “And?”
– “She texted ‘hmm’. Just ‘hmm’. Nothing else.”
– “And that’s why you’re upset?”
– “She always does it. Each time I’m in pain. How could she be so indifferent to my pain?”
– “That’s her choice.”
– “Why are you taking her side?”
– “So there’re sides now? Is this a war?”
– “I hate her.”
– “Since when?”
– “Since yesterday.”
– “So that’s all you’ve been thinking since yesterday?”
– “Are you calling me an idiot?”
– “If I do, what’d you feel?”
– “I’d feel you’re victimizing and shaming me; same as she did.”
– “Ah! There you are!”
– “What do you mean?”
– “Tell me. You had a breakup. You’re in pain. What do you want to do about it?”
– “I want relief; what else?”
– “So you know your goal. Question is, are you active toward it?”
– “I’ll feel better when she understands I’m in pain.”
– “Maybe you will; but is that in your control?”
– “No…”
– “And yet that’s your condition for reaching your goal. What’s the pay-off of this game?”
– “Game?”
– “Point 1: It’s YOU who wants relief. Not others. Point 2: Others aren’t in your control. Logic dictates that we should choose options that are in own control if we seek fulfillment of goals. With options outside of our control, we’re more likely to fail in that goal. And yet, if we choose such outside options and declare them as essential conditions to fulfill our goal, then it begs a question: do we really seek betterment? Or do we want a continuation of our victim-state? Would others’ failure to us in our expectations actually help us fortify that victim-state? Gives us more chance to give negative strokes to self and others? Gives us opportunity to say ‘nobody understands me’; feel more pain out of it; and show it to everyone who’s looking? Has that victim-state become our identity? That’s the game. Are we conscious or unconscious about it?”
– “I need to think about it.”
– “I’m not taking her side. Sure it wouldn’t hurt her to show a bit of empathy here. I’m not invalidating role of empathy in our betterment. Maybe it’ll help you. But that’s all just salad around the chicken in the dish – can’t replace the chicken in its importance: your own efforts. Supplements help; but they can’t replace natural food. I’m not judging you for expecting empathy from others; but yes, I’m saying that such inputs from others cannot be ‘fundamental condition’ for your betterment. Can’t count on it, for it isn’t in your control. That’s self-defeating; especially knowing this woman’s history of indifference toward your feelings. The effort must come from you. Process your feelings. You want to feel better, act better. If you don’t know how or can’t do it despite of knowing it, take professional help if you wish. Choose what’s in YOUR control.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Emotions #Feelings #Thinking #Beliefs #ThoughtProcesses #Mind #Mental #Pain #PainManagement #Awareness #Positive #Approach #Psychology #Psychologist #Counseling #Counselor #Choice #Games #TransactionalAnalysis #TA #DramaTriangle #Empathy #Sympathy #Understanding #Social #Relations #Helping #SelfHelp #Betterment #VictimState

– “How I’ll be happy?”
– “By choosing it.”
– “Out of what?”
– “Out of choices.”
– “I have no choices.”
– “You mean you see no choices.”
– “Yes.”
– “Then explore choices.”
– “What if I don’t like my choices?
– “Do you like music?”
– “Yes.”
– “Do you like food?”
– “Of course. I’m a big foodie.”
– “Do you like people?”
– “Sure.”
– “Do you like all kind of music and food and people?”
– “No, not all. I have my selections.”
– “How did you arrive at that selection?”
– “By experiences. Some bad. Some good.”
– “So you explored? Tried five dishes; liked two?”
– “Yes.”
– “Did you stop eating anything if one dish was bad?”
– “No. I searched for other dishes… Oh. I see your point.”
– “Do it.”
– “But I hadn’t specifically planned any of that. Things just… happened.”
– “So it was unconscious?”
– “Yes.”
– “Make it conscious, this time. This isn’t your first day on planet Earth. Been a while you’ve been around. You’ve seen things. Something somewhere sometime had an appeal to it. You have at least a vague sense of what fields of work and life might interest you. Get into them. Apply yourself. Meet things and people without a compulsion that they have to make you happy. Keep an open mind; see what happens. You’ll realize there’s a lot you always knew will make you happy; just that you never tried it.”
– “Interesting.”
– “Some dishes are tasty right from the first morsel. Some grow on you as you proceed through the course. Some are tasteless. Some can be made tasty with a pinch of salt and pepper and a bit of sauce. Stay true to the idea that you’re an explorer of happiness. Take what you like and get more of it; leave what you don’t and forget it. That’s how you choose happiness. It’s in action, my friend.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Happiness #Joys #Pleasure #MentalHealth #Health #FindingHappiness #BeHappy #Interests #Hobbies #Mind #MentalPeace #Peace #Satisfaction #Positive #Thinking #feelings #Emotion #Psychology #Choice #New #NewThings #Conscious #UnconsciousMind #Explore #Solutions #ProblemSolving #Actions #Active

{Please note that this post voices a view-point without judging – but respecting – alternate viewpoints. It’s a humble offer of awareness; meant to help us all. No shaming or preaching intended to any professionals and/or their clients. Readers can take what they find useful; leave what they don’t. Take nothing personally.}

– “I feel so bad.”
– “What’d make you feel good?”
– “I want to help him.”
– “You’re helping him.”
– “Yes, but I’m failing, I think.”
– “How do you know?”
– “He’s still in lots of problems.”
– “Is he?”
– “It’s impacting me too. I feel drained for myself; sorry for him.”
– “Tell me something.”
– “Yes?”
– “Does he bring new problems to share? Or are they different iterations of same old problems?”
– “It’s a bit of both.”
– “I’ll share a possibility. Could be right or wrong.”
– “Sure.”
– “The new problems are results of evolution of old problems.”
– “Yes, exactly. It’s like weed in the farm that has grown big now.”
– “Should’ve cut it at the roots, yes?”
– “Yes. Should’ve worked on things earlier when it was relatively easier.”
– “Whose choice was it?”
– “Huh?”
– “Whose choice was it not to work on things?”
– “His.”
– “Although you showed him how to?”
– “Although I showed him how to.”
– “What makes you feel negative?”
– “Now I’m full of his problems.”
– “Whose choice was it?”
– “Huh?”
– “Whose choice was it to let him continue dumping negativity on you?”
– “I guess mine.”
– “Why did you choose that?”
– “I thought it was my duty.”
– “What is your duty, as an abstract sense?”
– “To help people.”
– “Were you helping, by letting him continue dumping un-worked negativity on you?”
– “I guess not. What’s happening here?”
– “The horse was thirsty. You guided the horse to the stream. That was the first phase of your help; and you fulfilled it. Now it was the horse’s choice to drink out of it. The horse chose not to. Instead, the horse let the problem pile up.”
– “True. That began the next phase of my help.”
– “Yes. Except it didn’t. Not the way it should’ve.”
– “I see that now. Where did I deviate?”
– “Many horses have a tendency to play games with their helpers. The next phase of the helpers’ work is to identify those games. And stop them.”
– “Games?”
– “Not drinking out of the stream isn’t the horse’s only choice. As the problem piles up, the horse also chooses to bring that pile to you and dump it over your head. That’s where a game begins; for it begs a question: what’s the pay-off? There may be a variety of different motives behind it. The helper needs to check what it is. Does the horse love his victim state? Has that become the horse’s identity? Does the horse wish to stick to it? Fortify it? Is it conscious or unconscious? Does the horse want to prove that his problem is beyond repair, by making all counselors feel ‘I failed’? If you see any such game, next phase is to awaken the horse to it and its uselessness; and get them back on a constructive track.”
– “Oh. I didn’t do that.”
– “Instead, you allowed it to give you some form of emotional negativity. Weakness? Incompetence? Guilt? You say you’re now full of his problems. An image of an overflowing trash-bin comes to mind. Know that’s not who you’re supposed to be. Your job isn’t to provide yourself as a self-sacrificing pit to people in which they can continue dumping their negativity. Never let anyone guilt-trap you into such games. Your job is to provide them with a mechanism to get self-awareness. Yes, you have a right to say no to such games. It helps no-one; not you, and not even slightest to your client. Stay true to being constructive.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Counseling #Counselor #Helping #Caring #SelfHelp #Psychology #Psychologist #Therapy #Psychotherapist #Clinic #Clinician #CounselingPsychology #ClinicalPsychology #games #TransactionalAnalysis #TA #Strokes #Victim #VictimState #SelfVictimization #Awareness #Self #Professional #Communication #Dialogue #DramaTriangle

© अपूर्व विकास

नाही, खरंय. मला कळत नाही.
मग समजव ना मला.
नाही, खरंय. तुझ्या जागी मी नाही.
मग ने मला तिथे.
नाही, खरंय. तुला होणारा त्रास, तुझे भोग, अॉफिसची टेन्शन्स, तुझ्या जेंडर-गृपसमोरची आव्हानं, तुझे स्ट्रेसेस माझ्या वाट्याला नाही आलेत कधी.
मग सांग ना मला.
खरंय; माझ्या जाणीवेला मर्यादा आहेत.
ओलांडायला मदत कर ना मग.

मी इथेच आहे.
वाट पाहत. तिष्ठत. या आशेत, की –
तू येशील. तूच सांगितलेल्या वेळेत. प्रॉमिस केलेल्या ठिकाणी. जाऊ आपण.
खरंय, की माणसांच्या वचनांची कौतुकं परिस्थितीला नसतात. नाही जमणार तुला, प्रत्येक वेळी. कळतंय.

पण… कधीच नाही…?

प्रत्येक वेळीच कशी कामं निघतात?
प्रत्येक वेळीच कसे मित्र भेटतात?
प्रत्येक वेळीच कसा ऊशीर होतो?
प्रत्येकच फोन कॉल महत्वाचा कसा?
काय करते नक्की कंपनी तुझी? स्पेसमध्ये सेटेलाईट पाठवताय? क्वांटम फिजिक्समध्ये नवे शोध लावताय? नाही ना?
कोण आहेत मित्र तुझे?
तुझ्यावर पूर्णतः अवलंबून असलेले मनोशारीरिक विकलांग? तसंही नाही ना?
असं नक्की काय आहे, जे मला कध्धीच कळत नाही?

तू आज इथे नसण्यावर मी प्रश्नचिन्ह उभं करतच नाहीये. प्रश्न हा, की वेळेचं प्रॉमिस तुझंच असतं; वेळेत “येईनच” म्हणताना तुझाच आत्मविश्वास ओसंडत असतो; नंतर त्याच आत्मविश्वासाचा लगदा होतो; आणि यावरून काही विचारलं, तर मी ऐकायचं काय तर “तुला कळत नाही”…? असं कसं? आणि हे रोजचंच?

मजा सांगू? मजा खरी ही आहे, की मला सगळं अगदी व्यवस्थित कळतंय. मला कळतंय, की आपण जे “भारीतले” आहोत असा तुझा समज आहे ती व्यक्ती तू नाहीसच. मला कळतंय, की तुझ्या व्यक्तिमत्वाला ढीगाने लिमिट्स आहेत, जी जिंकली जाण्याऐवजी फक्त आणि फक्त कुरवाळली गेलीयेत; गोंजारली गेलीयेत; लाडावली गेलीयेत. प्रोफेशनल अन् पर्सनल, दोन्ही पातळ्यांवर. मला कळतंय, की तुझ्यात, managerial skillsची, व्यवस्थापनशास्त्राच्या समजेची मोठी वानवा आहे; पुस्तकी अभ्यासापल्याडचं व्यवहारज्ञान तोकडं पडतंय तुझं. कंपनी आणि इतर दुनिया आपल्याचमुळे जिवंत आहे या सोयीच्या गैरसमजात आयुष्य आटतंय तुझं. कंपनीत कॉम्पिटिशनचे बागुलबूवे उभे करून; “team is greater than one person” हे वाक्य ऐकवून, स्वत:च्या पर्सनल गरजांचा विचार केल्याबद्दल अपराधीभावाचा सापळा लावून; अन् महत्वाकांक्षांची गाजरं दाखवून गंडवलं जातंय तुझ्यासारख्यांना. तिथे मुत्सद्दीपणा कमी पडतोय तुझा. तुझ्यात communication skills, संभाषणकौशल्य नाहीत. तुला तुझे मुद्दे मांडताच येत नाहीत. बोलताना प्रचंड anxiety येते; त्यामुळे आपला कामसूपणा हा शक्ती म्हणून वापरता येत नाहीये तुला; त्याऐवजी तो तुझ्याच विरोधात तुला बिनपगारी ढोरमेहनतीत अडकवण्यासाठी वापरला जातोय.

कंपनीतून बाहेर पडल्यावर परत कोणतरी भेटतं – “चल, एक चहा मारू; तुला काही सांगायचंय…” तुला “नाही” म्हणताच येत नाही. दहा रुपयाच्या चहाच्या बदल्यात तुझा बहुमूल्य वेळ (जो तूच मला प्रॉमिस केलेला असतो) खिशात घालतात ही लोकं, त्यांच्या पर्सनल अडचणी तू सोडवाव्यात म्हणून. त्यासाठी तुझ्या कोणत्या भावनिक चाव्या कशा फिरवायच्या, हे जोखलेलं असतं त्यांनी. त्यासाठी तू जीवाचं रान करणार – माहीत असतं त्यांना. आणि नंतर तुला कसं सोयिस्कर विसरायचं, ते ही. तुझे रेझ्यूमे फॉरवर्ड करायचे झाल्यास मात्र यांना बरोब्बर तीन महिने लागतात – तोपर्यंत व्हेकन्सी गेलेली असते. “अरे यार… माझ्या बॉसने लफडा केला; नाहीतर ती पोस्ट तुझीच होती बघ…” कितीवेळा ऐकलंयस तू हे? नातेवाईक आणि मित्रांच्या मदतीला तू धावून जातानाही हे लगेच कळतं मला; कारण नंतर ‘सगळे माझा फायदा घेतात’ हे तुझ्याच तोंडून कितीदा ऐकलंय मी. तुला वाटत राहतं की सारंकाही तुझ्या कंट्रोलमध्ये आहे; आणि मग आयुष्य अचानक आजारपण तुझ्या वाटेवर सोडून सांगतं तुला, “गैरसमज आहे तुझा”.

रोज वेगवेगळे एक्सक्यूजेस माझ्या तोंडावर सहज फेकून मारले जातात; एकटेपण माझ्यावर रोज चाल करून येतं; अन् त्याच वेळी तुझ्या मित्रमैत्रिणींचे वाढदिवस, पार्ट्या, सिनेमे, पिकनिक, हे मात्र कधीच मिस होत नाही तुझ्याकडून. तिथे तुझी entry वेळेआधीच? “मला किनई, time management जमतंच नाही,” हे तू स्वत:बद्दल कौतुकाने सांगताना, मनात जाळ उठतो माझ्या; कारण ही mismanagement किती सोयिस्कर आहे, माहितीये मला. या यादीतल्या गोष्टी आपण दोघंही करू शकतो. माझ्याबरोबर इच्छा होत नाही? माझ्यात काही कमतरता आहेत? हरकत नाही; असतील तर त्यावर काम करायची तयारी आहे माझी. पण त्या कोणत्या हे मी दोन-तीनवेळा विचारलंही होतं. त्यावर “उगाच इश्यू नको करूस” या शब्दांनी माझे अनुत्तर प्रश्न जाळून टाकले…

या कमतरांबद्दल तुला दोष नाही देत मी. मला कळतंय, तुला स्वत:वर काम करण्याची गरज आहे. मला प्राचीन काळीच कळून गेलंय ते. त्यासाठी तुला पूर्ण साथ द्यायची तयारी आहे माझी. That’s what a relationship is about.

मला कळत नाही ते हे, की –

नक्की कोणत्या वेळी तुला हा साक्षात्कार झाला, की आपल्या या रिलेशनशिपची स्पेस, या मानसिक वृद्धीऐवजी, तुझ्या या वैचारिक अजागळपणासाठी तुला आंदण म्हणून दिल्ये?

नक्की कोणत्या वेळी तुला हा दृष्टांत झाला, की स्वत:ला सोयीस्कर माफ करून घेण्याचे तुझे एक्सक्युजेस छानपैकी लादण्यासाठी, गृहीत धरण्यासाठी, माझी निर्मिती झाल्ये?

नक्की कोणत्या वेळी तू ही आकाशवाणी ऐकलीस, की रिलेशनशिप म्हणजे आपापल्या जेंडर-गृपच्या नावाखाली खपवता येणारी फाजील कौतुकं करून घेण्यासाठी पार्टनरला वेठीस धरण्याची सोय असते?

नक्की कोणत्या वेळी तुला ही ज्ञानप्राप्ती झाली, की “समजून घेणं” आणि “स्वीकारणं” म्हणजे आपल्या पार्टनरचा आळशीपणा, पळपुटेपणा, लहानपणापासूनच्या स्वत:चाच पराभव करणाऱ्या कळकट सवयी आपल्या ऊरावर पांघरून घेणं असतं?

तुझ्या माहितीसाठी एक सांगायचंय.
रिलेशनशिपसाठी थोडा tolerance लागतो – ओह, पूर्ण मान्य आहे मला. पण जर अंथरूणातल्या लालसेपलीकडे आपली भेटच होत नसेल ना, तर रिलेशनशिप अस्तित्वातच नसते; फक्त एक “सोय” उरते. अन् मी कुणाचीतरी “सोय” म्हणून जगणार नाही; मला कुणाचीतरी “साथ” म्हणून जगायचंय.
माझ्या डिक्शनरीमध्ये, “acceptance” या शब्दाचा अर्थ होतो तो हा, की “इथे काही-एक उणीव आहे, कमतरता आहे, weakness आहे, तो स्वीकारणं; आणि त्यावर मात करण्यासाठी दोघांनी मिळून जाणीवपूर्वक प्रयत्न करणं”. त्यामुळे, त्या प्रयत्नांना माझी साथ प्रत्येक लढतीत, प्रत्येक युद्धात राहील. पण मुळात तुझी तयारी हवी, लढण्याची. हो, माझ्या प्रीतीच्या पाखरा, तुझी नसती कौतुकं आहेत तशीच राहतील अन् love, care, acceptance च्या नावाखाली मी स्वत:ला त्या फाजीलपणाखाली झिजवत राहीन, अशा भ्रमात चुकूनही राहू नकोस.

कारण जे काही कळून घ्यायचंय ते मी कधीचंच कळून घेतलंय; अन् त्यानंतर येणारं सोशिक मुर्दाडपण कधीचंच फेकून दिलंय. मला self-respect आहे; मी victim वगैरे होणार नाही. तू मला victimize करत आहेस असं मी मुळीच म्हणणार नाही; कारण तुझ्या या अजागळपणाला सहन करत जगणं हा एक choice आहे; तो निवडल्यास मीच स्वत:ला victimize करेन; जे मी कधीच करणार नाही.

सो – आता मला तुझा choice ऐकायचाय.

© अपूर्व विकास
समुपदेशक आणि मानसशास्त्रतज्ज्ञ

#रिलेशनशिप #प्रेम #बॉयफ्रेंड #गर्लफ्रेंड #डेटिंग #लग्न #वैवाहिक #जोडपं #सहजीवन #संवाद #विवाहपूर्व #विवाहोत्तर #समुपदेशन #भावना #साथ #मानसिक #गृहीत #कमतरता #स्व #मानसशास्त्र #tolerance #maturity #relationship #dating #LoveIssues #breakup #counseling #feelings #emotions #ApoorvVikas

– “Will you succeed?”
– “Oh yes, I will.”
– “How do you know?”
– “I remember my last step.”
– “And?”
– “I know where I stand now.”
– “And?”
– “I know where my next step will be.”
– “So?”
– “All three points are in a straight line.”
– “Why does that matter?”
– “Shortest distance between two points is a straight line. If I wish to win, I need to stay true to my line.”
– “Two questions.”
– “Yes?”
– “How do you know these three points are in a straight line? And how do you know the line is true in the first place? How do you know it really helps you win?”
– “There’re two more points. Beginning and end of the line.”
– “Which are?”
– “Point 1. Pain of past lacks. Point 5. My goal. The other three points lie in between these two.”
– “How does it work?”
– “Point 1, pain of past lacks was INSPIRATION for me to overcome those lacks. That brought me to Point 2, INTROSPECTION – my last step. There, I explored myself and noticed unused strengths in me. That brought me to Point 3, ACTION – my current step. Here, I’m simply using those strengths to their fullest; doing what I can to its best. That’ll bring me to Point 4, GROWTH – my next step. As a reward to implementation of strengths, I’ll receive addition in those strengths. An evolution. Gains. Now this is the tricky part. Those gains will make me eligible for a variety of joys that were forbidden to me earlier. But with growth comes a sense of maturity; for I’ll remember where I came from and what lacks made me walk this path in the first place. I’ll have two options: spend those new gains irreversibly for those small-time joys with big-time appeals. Or, stay aware of my goal and know that yesterday’s gains are today’s investment toward that goal. That will take me to Point 5, SELF. This is where I’ll have become the best version of me, while staying true to me. You see, everything is linked with the other; that’s how the line stays straight.”
– “Good. But I thought Point 5 was GOAL. What’s this SELF, now?”
– “My friend, success is nothing but getting full consciousness of who we are and letting it express out with its full potential. Only difference between a loser and a winner is that, losers are disconnected with themselves; while the winners develop full contact with themselves. Materialistic success is just a reflection of that. Evolution isn’t about becoming someone else; it’s about growing into the best of who we can be. Point 1 gives us motivation; Point 5 gives us direction. So long we take all steps in-between with awareness of Point 1 and 5, we’re on that true line to success.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Success #Goals #Aim #Target #Objective #LifeGoals #Win #Winner #WinningStrategy #Inspiration #Motivation #Ambition #Aspiration #Progress #Pain #Lacks #Past #Future #StayingTrue #Struggle #Focus #Effort #Growth #Evolution #Development #Business #Career #Corporate #Awareness #SelfEmpowerment

{Plese Note: You’ll find two characters in this plot, with a specific relation. You may find personal similarity with one of them. Please note that this is a humble attempt to raise awareness about how that relation can be healthier. No judging, criticism, shaming, preaching intended, for either character. Take what you find useful. Leave what you don’t. Have a happy day.}

– “I’m a bit hurt.”
– “Yes. I can see.”
– “Won’t you ask why?”
– “I know. I’m good at reading you now.”
– “Are you bored of me?”
– “Is that an ask? Or is it a conclusion already?”
– “I think you’re fed up of me.”
– “Because I didn’t reply to your text?”
– “Yes. I know, I bore you with my sad stories. I knew this was coming, one day. I knew one day you’ll want to avoid me. My question is, why did you let me in, in the first place? Why did you let me empty heart to you, to begin with? If this is how it was gonna end one day? You’re like an angel for me, do you know? Do you realise how hurtful this is?”
– “I made a mistake. I can see now.”
– “Of course you did.”
– “No, not that. Not the text part.”
– “Then what?”
– “All these days, I’ve always been there for you. Always. That let you think I’m something beyond human. Someone who never has problems like other people. An angel. Someone whose presence can be taken for granted. I shouldn’t have done that.”
– “Huh?”
– “When you told me about your partner’s cheating, I was struggling with my kid’s teenage. When you cried all night over your mother’s demise, I had just come home after an entire day spent for my dad’s chemo. When you called me at 2 in the morning and cried over your ex’s abusive speech, I was running a fever. This text you’re mad about? I lost my dad that day. No, I’m not going to ask you angrily ‘Did you even know?’ It was my part to let you know earlier; and I chose not to. I thought holding my tears to give way to yours would be the noble thing to do. I denied myself my human limits. I see that was my mistake. It encouraged you to do that to me too. I let you depend on me all the time; didn’t realise it’ll come to this one day.”
– “I’m… I’m so sorry… I take back what I said…”
– “I’m not bored of you. It was my choice to empathize with you; and I’m happy it has helped you so far. And I’m willing to continue; but I believe it’s time for both of us to acknowledge: I can’t always be there. Maybe later; but not always immediately. Yes, I’m entitled to choose a time to empathize with you. It’s my part that I should let you know when I’m ready and when I’m not.”
– “I accept completely. And hey, one more thing. You won’t always be in the emotional zone to communicate that to me. Sometimes, you’ll be so overwhelmed with feelings that you won’t know what to say. So from now on, if you say nothing, I’ll understand: not now. I’ll get back to you later. I promise: from now on, no misunderstanding.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Empathy #Helping #Healing #EmptyingHeart #SharingSorrows #Caring #Sharing #Communication #Dialogue #Relations #Counselor #Counseling #Feelings #Emotions #Thinking #Misunderstanding #Hurt #Pain #Awareness #Approach #PersonalSpace #TakenForGranted #Misconception #Patience #HeartToHeart #Sympathy #Clarity #Maturity

– “Am I lost?”
– “Are you still walking?”
– “Yes.”
– “Then you aren’t lost.”
– “How am I not?”
– “Standing still is when you’re lost. It’s the continued walk that says you still have a chance to make it.”
– “But is this the right path?”
– “How will you know if it is?”
– “I’ll know when I reach the destination.”
– “Exactly. You won’t know before. No-one can.”
– “But don’t I need to know?”
– “What are paths?”
– “Systems that take us to the destination.”
– “What’s a system made of?”
– “Multiple parts. Segments.”
– “Precisely. Segments. You’re on one, right now.”
– “But I can’t see my destination at its end.”
– “Of course you don’t. It’s not there. As we said, it’s a system. One single segment isn’t all there’s to it. There will be other segments, awaiting you ahead in space and time. What you need to see, is only if the current segment is linked to another segment with broader qualities of needed strengths.”
– “You mean, I need to check if my current path connects to a… highway?”
– “Yes. Don’t bother with the destination so soon. You have miles to go. Just check what’s the pay-off of being on your current road. Check if it lands you into a highway of broader lanes with faster traffic. It will be in the form of better skills and strengths that resonate with your ultimate successful self-image.
Earnings on this segment are investments for the next segment of the journey. That’s the only purpose for current segment. Won’t take you directly to the goal; but it’ll make you more eligible for it. Holds true for all segments, all roads, all the way till the destination.”
– “And if it connects to no useful segment?”
– “Then step back; get a perspective; find another path to the highway.”
– “What if I’ve already spent some time on this road?”
– “An eye-opening waste of a few miles of a misdirected journey, versus, a waste of an entire life on an obstinately walked, blind, fruitless journey. Which one seems more affordable, dear?”
– “I get it. But what if this road connects to the highway alright but it’s too small?”
– “Then go slow. Let it teach you patience. And vigilance. Let it be a test for your resolve and commitment and focus. Might have more education for you here in its potholes that others might miss on their broader and smoother roads. Or you can enjoy the greenery around. All good things, these are. Will help you on the highway later. Everything has a benefit to it. If only our eyes are open to it.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#SuccessPath #SuccessThoughts #LifeGoals #FulfillingDreams #WinnerAttitude #Focus #RightPath #Achievement #SuccessOriented #WinningStrategy #InspirationalQuotes #MotivationalQuotes #WordPorn #PositiveThinking #StruggleInSilence #RoaringVictories #CareerChoices #Business #CorporateQuotes #Ambitions #Progress #Development #ConstructiveActions #ThinkingDifferent #WinnerQuotes #StruggleDays #Youth #EncouragingEntrepreneurs #StartUps #Highway

– “I have a question for all,” said the King.
– “Yes, My King?” chorused everyone.
– “When and how I shall know I’m a failure?”
Everyone thought about it.
– “When foreign nations defeat us in battles,” said one.
– “When traitors hand over the nation to foreigners and you fail to know it,” said another.
– “When riots reach the palace and overthrow the throne,” said yet another.
– “When a prince overthrows you,” said a bold one.
The King noticed his Advisor was silent.
– “What do you think, old friend?” asked the King.
– “Give me a day’s time, My King,” said the Advisor. “Tomorrow, two people will show up in the court. Listen to what they say; and then ask them two questions.”
The Advisor told the King what those questions must be.
Next day, two people came in the court.
An old woman; and a young man.
Mother, and her son.
It was obvious their finances were humble, to say the least.
But when they looked at the King after the bow, there was spirit in their eyes.
– “Why are we here today, mother?” asked the King politely.
– “Your Highness, we’ve been robbed,” said the woman in a steady voice.
– “Do you know by whom?”
– “Yes,” said the woman. “By him.”
To everyone’s surprise, she was pointing at the Advisor.
The King was startled too. It was shocking.
– “Are you sure?” he asked.
– “Yes. And I request swift punishment,” said the woman in her appreciably steady voice.
– “I have a question for you,” said the King, remembering the first question offered by the Advisor the other day, “Are you a good person? If so, why? Is it because the constitution demands you to be good?”
– “Yes, I’m a good person. And no, the constitution, although I respect it, has nothing to do with it. I’m good; for I choose to be.”
The King contemplated; and then remembered the second question.
– “What if I deny you justice simply because the accused is powerful? Is that your failure?”
– “No. Then it’s your failure,” said the woman simply.
Everyone began whispering in hushed voices, disturbed by the woman’s audacity.
The King silenced everyone with a commanding wave of his hand.
– “Why, mother?” he asked.
– “As I said, I’ve lived my whole life choosing goodness. Kindness. Righteousness. I’ve trained my son to apply logic and reason in his thoughts, voice and actions. Do you see that lantern over there? Our nation is like that lantern. People like me and my son are the flame in that lantern. We illuminate the future of this great nation, by honest work and true choices. No, I’m not praising myself. But yes, I’m proud to stay true to myself in face of appeals that have been many.”
The King nodded. The woman continued,
– “People like the culprit here, on the contrary, are like the black soot deposited on the insides of the glass of that lantern. If you deny us justice, then you’ll encourage what happened to us to happen to many others like us. You’ll encourage that black soot to add up. Soon, the entire glass will be covered with it. Sure, we the flame, will still burn bright; but you won’t receive the light outside the lantern.”
The woman looked at everyone in the court.
– “My son has capable hands; but he’ll remember what happened here and he’ll see those hands as shackled. He won’t teach his son what I taught him. Instead, my grandson and his generation will live a life of debaucheries and indulgences; invalidating discipline and order; just smoke of a flame that once existed. This nation will collapse; for drunkards don’t make histories. And that, my King, is your failure; not mine; for history will know you as the one who allowed it to happen.”
There was pin-drop silence in the court.
The King nodded to the woman’s wisdom.
The Advisor came forward. “Do you have your answer now, My King?”
The King nodded. “All the defeats in battles by traitors and deceitful relatives and rioters won’t fail me. My own choices will fail me,” he said to himself.
– “My duty is to keep that glass clean, yes mother?” he asked.
The woman nodded, with trust in her eyes.
The Advisor’s trick and its reason was explained to her; with her wealth returned to her in double and a job for her son. She blessed the King as she left, congratulating him for maintaining good advisors in court.

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Stories #PositiveStories #GoodGovernment #Administration #Society #Social #Structure #Order #Peace #Progress #Development #AntiCorruption #GoodPeople #Encouragement #Motivational #StrongSociety #BeingHuman #System #LawAndOrder #Advancement #StayFirm #Police #LawEnforcement #KnowingResponsibility #Strength #Righteousness #Reasonability #CrimeControl #Awakening #YouthEmpowerment

– “Teacher? Why did he do that?”
– “Who, dear?”
– “Our ace.”
– “What did he do, my Child?”
– “The other clan challenged him for a quest. He declined.”
– “Smart boy.”
– “But Teacher, it brings shame to our clan. Makes us look weak.”
– “Does it? Oh, that’s splendid! What more can we ask for!”
– “Teacher, how can you be pleased with this?”
– “Tell me, Child. Why are we here on this trek?”
– “It’s a training session.”
– “It always is. But what’s today’s specific objective?”
– “I… don’t know…”
– “Do you know why our ace is an ace?”
– “He’s… strong…?”
– “Sure; but his strength comes from his thoughtfulness. He, and the ace of the other clan, were the only two pupils who asked us Teachers about today’s specific objective. None of the rest of you asked that.”
– “Oh… Pardon me for asking so late; but what’s that objective?”
– “We’re all here today to learn how to be snipers in nighttime. How to be ghosts hidden in the dark. Silent and cunning. What do you think will be your greatest challenge?”
– “A ‘ghost’ from the opposite clan?”
– “That’s result after a reason. Why does a sniper fall prey to an enemy’s arrow?”
– “Lapse in attention… awareness… Oh, sleepy eyes?”
– “Exactly. Our ace knows it. He also knows why he’s really here. There’s a future in which he’s a winner; the greatest warrior of our nation. He has chosen that future; and his tool is his action at present moment. He knows his real win lies in focusing on the training; not some foolhardy quests. Besides, he also knows why the ace from the other clan challenged him for that quest. It’s a deceptive trick our ace is too smart to miss. The opponent has the same ambition as our ace. He wants our ace to take as little as possible out of this training. He wants our ace to have those sleepy eyes. Hence, a quest, to tire him and make him unready for the night. It’s a bluff; a taunt; an appeal to short-term glory. By refusing it, our ace has made everyone sign us off as weak; underestimate us; and – here’s the beauty – ignore us. As a fool would ignore a shadow in the bushes cranking a bolt on his bow. They’ll NOT be looking for us tonight. You see, my Child, our ace is already turning into that ‘ghost’!”
– “Wow… He’s really smart…”
– “Remember, my Child. A winner never lets an opponent dictate the flow of events. An opponent would always select battlegrounds and times as per his own convenience. A winner knows it. A winner thinks long term gains; not short term glories. He chooses his actions free of others’ directions. The best gift you can receive from opponents is underestimation. A winner craves not for opponents’ appreciation; but for that underestimation. The shock of a surprise victory stuns opponents; for it shows you’re unpredictable. A confused opponent is better than a learned enemy.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Winner #WinningStrategy #Aim #LifeGoals #BigAmbitions #Achiever #Gains #ThinkLongTerm #ShortTermGlories #SuccessMantra #Guidance #Inspirational #Motivational #SelfEmpowerment #ThinkSmart #WinnersAttitude #PositiveThinking #Camouflage #Manipulation #WinningTactics #Business #Corporate #TrainingMinds #Focus #SelfAwareness #Loser #Failure #UnpredictableWinner #FightSmart #PositiveQuotes

– “Hey.”
– “Hey, babe.”
– “Are you OK?”
– “Sure; why?”
– “I know how that prick in your office talked to you. Sally told me.”
– “Oh, that’s alright.”
– “No, it’s not. He’s so damn arrogant.”
– “Yes. I noticed. Hard not to!”
– “Sally told me you said nothing to him.”
– “Sally is observant.”
– “But why? Why didn’t you fight back?”
– “I’m here to win. Not to play.”
– “Play?”
– “He wanted to play. I wasn’t interested.”
– “What did he want to play?”
– “A game. The move, was arrogance. The aim, was to project strength. It takes two to play a game. He was hoping I’d play one of two roles. Either I bow to his might; or I challenge it. I did neither; for neither interested me.”
– “You say you’re here to win.”
– “Yes.”
– “How’ll you win without a fight?”
– “Who said I wasn’t fighting?”
– “But you said nothing to him…”
– “For that wasn’t necessary for my win.”
– “How could it not?”
– “For I got something else useful from him.”
– “What was that?”
– “Data.”
– “Data?”
– “Yes. Data. A human is a goddamn database. So rich with information. It just oozes out of people. Their speech. Their actions. Their body-language. Their facial expressions. And eyes – oh, eyes!”
– “What data did you read in him?”
– “His arrogance told me I need not fight him.”
– “Why not?”
– “He’s already lost.”
– “Huh?”
– “Sally told you how many years is he working here?”
– “Ten years now, she said.”
– “Of course.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Do you know what arrogance is?”
– “What?”
– “It’s a luxury for those who assume they can afford it.”
– “Meaning, nobody can actually afford it, yes?”
– “Exactly. This dude thinks he can. Like all of his kind, he stopped growing long time ago. Choices, you see. He could’ve been fish in a long river; he chose to be a frog in this pond. He’s settled here. Familiarity breeds a sense of ownership. That’s where people dupe themselves. You own nothing. You borrow it from life. It stays with you only till it suits the fabric of reality. He hasn’t looked beyond the boundaries of this pond in ten years. He chose not to. Outcome is, he knows nothing of what’s outside and how it’s changing. Cost is, he’ll never see it coming when he’s obsolete. When he’s a mismatch. The arrogance is just a reflection of an insecure cry he gets time-to-time to check his kingship. It only blinds him further.”
– “Wow…”
– “I don’t care how many degrees he has or what projects he’s handled in past. Past is memory; and histories don’t write futures. This man is on a collision course with a defeat he chose long ago. I wasn’t going to point it out to him by replying to his arrogance. For me, that’s just another competitor out of the fight. If anything, I’m grateful to him for letting me know. As I said, I’m here to win. And you don’t win by empowering your competitors with the knowledge of their weaknesses.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#Arrogance #Attitude #Awareness #Maturity #Reply #Reaction #Response #Thinking #People #ReadingPeople #KnowingPeople #DealingWithPricks #Bully #Bullyism #FightingBack #FightWithoutFight #Techniques #EmotionalStates #Weakness #Insecurity #OfficePolitics #CorporateLife #Winner #WinningStrategy #Focus #Communication #UsefulSilence #PsychologyTalks #BehavioralPsychology #SocialPsychology

– “You don’t talk much.”
– “I see.”
– “You have no answer to that?”
– “You voiced an opinion; not a question.”
– “See? This is your problem.”
– “It’s not my problem. It’s yours.”
– “How’s it my problem?”
– “You’re the one feeling negative about it. Not me.”
– “But don’t we find relief in sharing sorrows?”
– “Let’s play a game.”
– “Game? Sure.”
– “Tell me a sorrow.”
– “My bike keeps breaking down on me.”
– “Really? My washing machine is totaled.”
– “I’m so anxious about the interview next week.”
– “My partner isn’t feeling well.”
– “Mine simply doesn’t call me these days.”
– “What do you think about this game?”
– “It feels nice to share.”
– “Can we play it every day?”
– “We can.”
– “How’re we playing this game?”
– “We’re… voicing out problems…?”
– “And what are we doing about those problems?”
– “Well, we’re just… voicing out.”
– “Is there any change to the problems?”
– “No; but it feels good to be heard.”
– “For how long?”
– “Meaning?”
– “I’d feel good only until I realize the problem is right there.”
– “So we should never voice out problems?“
– “Now let’s play another game.”
– “OK…”
– “Tell me a sorrow.”
– “I told you. My partner doesn’t call me these days.”
– “Then you call. Or text. Voice out that you’re feeling this distance. Establish that you aren’t OK with it and you wish to work on things. Tell that you’re trying to understand things without any judgment or blames. Convey that you’re willing to change, if changes are necessary. Verbalize that you love this person and you care for the relation. Offer that you two can take professional help.”
– “Umm… I don’t know how it’ll be taken.”
– “You will when you do it. Now get to it.”
– “That’s it? Game is over?”
– “For now.”
– “See, that’s you. You just… end things.”
– “Is it an ending? Sure, if you see it as such. Or, it can be an intermission between this dialogue between us. You can use it to go and begin working on the problem. Implement what I said. Apply yourself. Check results. Check reactions and responses. Check what it does to both of you. Emotionally and intellectually. Analyze. Introspect. See what part could’ve been better. You’ll have epiphanies and new thoughts. You’ll have revelations and new ideas. You’ll be one step closer to the solution. Then you can come back to me. Now, we won’t be TALKING about the PROBLEM; we’ll be COMMUNICATING about a SOLUTION. We’ll be discussing the next step. We’ll be shifting from pain-zone to growth-zone.”
– “Oh… So that’s your way… Wow, great!”
– “Of course voicing about problem helps; of course we should do it. But let’s be conscious if we’re playing or growing. Our choices after that dialogue decide what it’s gonna be for us.”
– “I understand.”
– “Or you can choose to play the earlier game. Hey, your choice. I don’t judge others’ choices. But there’s a cost to it, my friend.”
– “Which is?”
– “That game isn’t about solutions; it’s about finding new problems to fill up the blanks of conversation. You’ll basically be training your brain to search for what’s wrong in life, rather than how to make it right. It can be played multiple ways. We can try to top each others’ sorrows. Or we can voice sympathies with no empathy. Listening to each others’ negativity will latch us on to that vibe; we’ll carry it home and use it to destroy what’s right in life; so that we can have new problems to share. One day we’ll realize we have nothing new to share; so we’ll fade up and go find other players. It’s how we program ourselves for self-decay. I choose not to. What about you?”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#VoicingProblems #VoicingOut #FindingSolutions #TransactionalAnalysis #CommunicationSkills #MindGames #NegativeTopics #PositiveThinking #PositiveActions #Implementation #PainZone #Growth #GrowthZone #BeingConscious #Conversation #Talks #Discussions #Dialogue #UsefulThoughts #UsefulTalks #Sharing #SelfAwareness #SelfEmpowerment #ThinkingDifferent #Interpersonal #Relationships #ActionSpeaks #NoGames #Gossip #ProblemSolving

– “I’m a bit upset with you.”
– “What part you’re not upset about?”
– “I… Huh?”
– “You said ‘a bit upset’. So, not entirely. What part are you leaving out of it?”
– “I hope you’ll help me; I can’t be entirely angry at you.”
– “Sure I’ll help; but you might not like the way I help.”
– “Don’t you want to know what I’m upset about?”
– “I have certain idea.”
– “What is it?”
– “I didn’t provide audience to the entertainment you were providing yesterday.”
– “Entertainment?”
– “Yes. That audio recording of your fight with your partner. Which you posted on the group.”
– “E… Entertainment?”
– “Don’t get me wrong. I’m sure it was great fun. For others. I saw that in their comments and the load of emoticons. Just that it ain’t my idea of entertainment.”
– “You think I did that for… entertainment? How can you be so insensitive? I wanted people to see -”
– “What a great victim you are? Sweetheart, give me a break. A victim would’ve taken that recording to a professional helper so that the relationship could’ve been strengthened through counseling. Or you could’ve taken it to the police as evidence of domestic violence. If you wanted neither, you could’ve simply opted to get out of the relation. You’re doing none of it. Instead, you’re making private issues public. It’s a shift in the boundaries; with a purpose different than resolution. You want to know what you’re truly doing? Look at the outcomes of your actions. There’s something you like about it; don’t you?”
– “What outcomes?”
– “You’re trying to get two certificates from people. One, you’re a victim. Second, you’re a saint, for suffering in the relation without leaving your partner. You want sympathy; not solution. You may or may not be a victim; I don’t invalidate either possibility. Maybe everything that happens at home is in that recording; or maybe you post only the part that projects you as the victim. But either way, by broadcasting it, you’re trying to cash on that victim state, trying to generate profit in the form of a soft corner for you in people’s minds.”
– “How’s any of that entertainment?”
– “It’s in two layers. One is for people. Most of them love to get a glimpse of other people’s personal lives; for they have nothing better to do in their own. Here, you’re offering your entire life to them as a dish; and there’re spices in it. They love it; because they can munch on it. It’s like a goddamn wrestling match. They get to take sides. They get to play referee. Or, lovely, moral police. So as to hide the immorality in their own lives. People love that. They get to pelt stones. And they get to laugh about it, when you aren’t looking.”
– “And the other layer?”
– “It’s a game you play with yourself. You want assurance from others that you’re truly a victim. Why? Don’t you know for sure? If you know, then why do you need confirmation from others? Is there something you’re hiding from yourself? Do supportive comments from others help you do that?”
– “I just want them to know.”
– “They don’t care about knowing; they don’t give a rat’s ass about your relationship. Stop fooling yourself. Crowd gathers for fun; not justice. WhatsApp isn’t a clinic or courtroom. Nobody is on your side. They’ll shift sides the moment they get a spicier recording from your partner. And those who think they’ll always be on your side, are only dealing with their own psychological transferences they get out of your story. If you truly want justice, get real help. And if you’re fooling everyone here, knowing full well you’re not really a victim, then know that in the end, you’ll only be fooling yourself. No defenses structured on crowd’s consensus save themselves when scrutinized by a trained eye. The crowd disperses eventually, when they see better fun elsewhere. Get real.”

© Apoorv Vikas | Life Empowerment
Psychologist & Counselor

#RelationshipTalks #RelationshipIssues #Arguments #Boyfriend #Girlfriend #Husband #Wife #Quarrels #Disturbance #MindGames #EmotionalAbuse #EmotionalHijacking #Feelings #ThoughtProcesses #DomesticViolence #Abuse #VerbalAbuse #Breakup #PrivateLife #KnowingBoundaries #ShiftingBoundaries #VictimState #FalseVictim #Victimization #Manipulation #CrowdJustice #PeltingStones #Counseling #Psychology #GetHelp