S Winning Everyday

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “Some win once. Some win always. Why?”
– “For those who win always, know where they lost in earlier wins.”
– “Meaning?”
– “What did we observe yesterday, during our scout?”
– “A dog ate a chicken. Then a tiger ate the dog.”
– “Where was the dog’s win?”
– “In getting the chicken.”
– “How did the dog win?”
– “By cornering the chicken in a dead-end.”
– “What was the cost to the dog?”
– “The chase through the shrubs gave it injuries.”
– “What was the dog’s profit?”
– “A quick satiation of hunger.”
– “How else could it have won?”
– “Could’ve waited until the chicken was asleep.”
– “What would’ve been the cost?”
– “Time. A bit of waiting.”
– “What would’ve been the profit?”
– “No injuries.”
– “Could’ve been better?”
– “Yes. The dog had another chicken earlier as breakfast. Wasn’t painfully hungry. Could’ve waited.”
– “What was the tiger’s win?”
– “In getting the dog.”
– “How did the tiger manage it?”
– “By doing what the dog could’ve done to the chicken. Waiting for the prey to fall asleep.”
– “Precisely. And where was the dog’s ultimate defeat?”
– “In not seeing that possibility.”
– “Exactly. The dog missed that vision in case of the chicken, and subsequently in its own case too. I know that tiger. I’ve been observing it since it was a cub. It narrowly escaped getting trapped by a human hunter once. Same theme; but a different outcome. It was asleep; the man sprang its net; the cub awakened at the last moment and vanished a moment later. It earned its win that day by securing its survival. But it thought of two things. Where it made its mistake that day. And where the man made his mistake. The cub’s mistake was in going to sleep in unchecked territories. It told the cub never to do that again; but hunt for those who do, for they can be its game in future. The man’s mistake was in rushing for the hunt in greed, without making sure the cub was fully asleep. It told the cub what not to do in case of those preys, in that future.”
– “Wow. That’s a valuable lesson, Teacher. The dog gave to pride rather than education out of its win. Never knowing what could’ve been managed better. That’s how it won but once. The tiger chose education rather than pride out of its win. Knowing what choices could’ve been better. That’s how it continues to win.”

#Win #WinnerMentality #PlanningSuccess #Failure #Growth #PersonalGrowth #Inspirational #Motivational #Achievement #GrowthOriented #PositiveMindset #Introspection #LearningAttitude #SelfAnalysis #SelfEmpowerment #SelfHelp #PastVictories #ThinkingAhead #Business #Industrious #ProfessionalSuccess #WiseWords #Accomplishment #ComprehensiveThinking #Progress #LifeChoices #LifeGoals #SuccessStories #BeingLegend #SerialWinner

Regrets: To Be Used For Self-Betterment.

{Please note that this post voices a view-point; without judging, shaming, preaching, but respecting people who prefer alternate viewpoints. Take what you find useful. Leave what you don’t. Take nothing personally.}

– “You’re rare.”
– “I know.”
– “Huh?”
– “Oh, pardon me if I sounded arrogant.”
– “Not at all. You sound like you know you’re unique.”
– “Each one of us is. I might be just a bit more aware of it.”
– “Where did you get that awareness?”
– “The key-point of evolution.”
– “Which is?”
– “The mistake.”
– “You made no mistakes? That’s your uniqueness?”
– “On the contrary I made plenty of mistakes. Most of them were common with others; at that age; at that phase of life. Made me mediocre rather than unique, I suppose. Gave me equally common regrets as well.”
– “But you chose to ignore that sadness.”
– “On the contrary I went deep into it.”
– “Didn’t that hurt more?”
– “I was already hurt with shame and consequences of my mistakes. I thought I should make some profit out of it.”
– “But where did you get that energy?”
– “Why, wasn’t the pain so full of energy? Couldn’t it have been my inspiration to work on it?”
– “Oh. That’s beautiful.”
– “Not at all. That was gut-wrenching, in the beginning. Then my guts got used to it. I was traveling in reverse; starting from the destination; searching for the origin of my pain. And I saw the truth behind all pain. The origin was same as the destination. I had come full circle. I had begun with pain in my life. In the form of things I lacked. All my actions were to cancel that pain. They had brought me to the same pain. Same lack. And I saw the purpose of this game.”
– “What was it?”
– “Identity.”
– “Pain gives us identity?”
– “When we’re unconscious. When we sleep-walk through life. When we don’t know that’s what we’re doing to ourselves. When our thoughts and beliefs and feelings set themselves in a pattern; to forge later in life as misery of self-victimization. Concrete and true. Unless we choose to be conscious.”
– “And how did you become conscious?”
– “I identified thought-patterns that had felt correct to me and had landed me in trouble. Desires I had mistaken for needs. And needs I had mistaken for deniable luxuries. Sacrifices I had mistaken to be noble. And arrogance I had mistaken for independence. Enemies I had kept close as friends. And loved ones I had rejected as useless. I sensed a recurrent theme.”
– “And what did you do with this knowledge?”
– “I realized that different paths do not make different journeys if the traveler remains unchanged. I began a new journey. Where I chose to be new. New situations woke up the same old thoughts in my mind; but now I was aware. All I had to do, was to select a different thought and a newer action, and see where it takes me. Of course, not all new thoughts led to desirable outcomes. But now I was free of my blindfolds; capable of freely observing, analyzing, improvising, adapting. Being new. Being better. The old building of my life was raised down to heaps of bricks; but that gave me the same bricks I needed to build a new building with a different architecture for me. That’s how I rose from the ashes.”
– “Wow!”
– “Sure, I still remember my old mistakes; but now they’re memories; not regrets. I have lived a full life. For today. But who knows, tomorrow I might begin a whole different journey…! That’s what keeps me excited. I have a well-understood past that lets me welcome an unknown future.”

#Past #PastRegrets #ProcessingPast #Memories #HurtfulMemories #Mistakes #PainManagement #Emotions #Feelings #ThoughtProcesses #BeliefSystems #ProcessingMemories #Understanding #KnowingYourself #Introspection #SelfHelp #SelfCare #SelfAnalysis #OpeningUp #NewJourney #Learning #SelfEmpowerment #Counseling #Psychology #Help #Happiness #FindingHappiness #SelfRectification #SelfCorrection #Healing

Trusting Our Partners’ Hidden Pasts: A Choice

{Please note that this post is just a voice of a viewpoint; and not an attempt to judge, shame, criminalize, preach anyone who prefers a different viewpoint. Alternate views are respected. Take what you find useful; leave what you don’t; don’t take anything personally.}

– “So you have two criteria.”
– “The first is, you have to trust me.”
– “The second is, I can’t ask about your past.”
– “Do you understand?”
– “I understand and accept.”
– “So we’re good to go forward with this relationship?”
– “No. I’m not. I think we need to part ways.”
– “But you just said you understand and accept…”
– “I understand it as your personal viewpoint. I accept it as your right to have a viewpoint different than mine. Doesn’t mean I agree.”
– “So you’re just another control freak who must know all about my past.”
– “Isn’t that a bit too quick a judgment? If I was a control-freak, I’d have criminalized your stance. I didn’t. All I’m saying is, I don’t find it suitable to me. I’m not judging your choice; I’m stating mine.”
– “Why can’t you just trust me?”
– “For I have a past; same as you do. That’s where our stances come from.”
– “Oh… So, this has happened to you before?”
– “Sure it has. Another time; another place; another person. Gave me the same criteria. Can’t ask about past. I said yes. I thought it was mature of me. I thought, must be something about a previous relationship gone bad. What else could it be? So I stayed mute about that past; focused on here and now. A year went well. We had our fun.”
– “And then?”
– “And then one morning in the supermarket, my partner had a chance encounter with a person from an earlier phase of life; and just like that, past met the present. Didn’t come home for five days. Then came the knock on the door. Police. With weapons drawn. Turns out my partner was involved with cocaine trafficking, back in that past hidden from me. And now it was back, in the present. I spent four days in custody. Being cops, they were thorough. My mind was methodically broken down to pieces, before they concluded I really had no idea. I saw my partner just once, later. In the court. In orange fatigues. Told me, ‘I just couldn’t say no to them.’ They had blackmailed my partner; and now cops had them all. Word got around; I lost my job; spent six months in depression.”
– “That’s sad. But no need to assume it’ll always be that serious.”
– “Sure. Things could be much lighter than that.”
– “Exactly.”
– “Or much more serious.”
– “Anything is possible…”
– “That’s the whole point. I’ll never know what it is. And we all have our own definitions of what’s little serious and what’s too serious; and our own tolerance limits.”
– “But it’s your duty to trust your partner. That’s love.”
– “No, it’s blind trust, when no knowledge is offered. And blind-trust is a choice, not duty. There might be a saint among us who’ll agree to your criteria; willing to face whatever consequences are waiting in the future; knowing they’ll come only as surprises. I don’t judge that person. Hey, their choice. But I have the choice of not being that saint as well. Am I getting that same acceptance? How right it is to expect me to be that saint; and condemn me as someone who doesn’t understand love, if I disagree? How right are such guilt-traps? We all have a right to take care of ourselves. You and I both. Don’t you see I’m choosing a better option here; rather than a dual-game? I see no point saying yes to this hidden past, for now, just to make you feel nice; but blaming you later if it catches up with us and I discover I don’t want it.”
– “I see your point now. I was expecting blind trust. I can’t.”
– “You can; but just don’t judge someone if they say no. That’s my point. Keep it liberal. We all have a right to select where we want to draw our line. Sure, a person in your position has a right to hide their past. I accept it. But in that case, the person in my position is left with three choices: Either I’ll believe you’ve resolved your past in your own personal space and it won’t catch up with our future. Or I can be that saint. Or I walk. All of us have to decide what it’s gonna be. As per our personal judgment. And face respective consequences sincerely. I preach none of it to be the best for entire humankind. But sure, I know what’s best for me, personally; same as you do for yourself. I’m not judging you; so don’t judge me either for my selections that don’t suit you. I hope we can part as friends who agree to disagree, leaving judgment out of it.”

#Relationship #Love #Couple #Choices #Past #PastIssues #PastCalling #PastRelationships #Dating #Decisions #Trust #TrustIssues #DrawingLines #Selections #PersonalChoice #PersonalSpace #PastLife #PastChoices #PastRegrets #Silence #Communication #Dialogue #RelationshipTalks #CoupleTherapy #Judgment #PersonalValues #AgreeToDisagree #Demands #Expectations #LiberalViews

The “Hahaha” Way Of Self-Invalidation

– “Hi! How are you?”
– “I’m doing great!”
– “Splendid.”
– “Things are crazy at home.”
– “I thought you were doing great.”
– “Hahaha, it’s same old! Fights and silences! Hahaha!”
– “I see.”
– “Same with my workplace! Hahaha!”
– “I always get this great laughter from you.”
– “That’s because I take things positively.”
– “But I don’t see it reaching your eyes.”
– “Well…”
– “Don’t get me wrong. I know it’s not my place to judge you; and I’m not. It’s just that, I’ve been hearing the same from you for last four years. We meet; you say you’re doing great; then you let me know you’re not really doing great; and then there’s this hahaha, in exact contrast to the negativity.”
– “As I said, I take things positively.”
– “Does that positivity go beyond the hahaha?”
– “Umm… I don’t know…”
– “Suppose… I also go hahaha in response…?”
– “You used to.”
– “You were hoping I’d do that now too?”
– “Actually… kinda.”
– “Why?”
– “It feels good.”
– “Why?”
– “Makes me feel light about these issues.”
– “For how long?”
– “Hmm… Not that long.”
– “But you do it nevertheless.”
– “I do it nevertheless. Now that you mention it, I realize I’m in this pit for four long years. And no, these problems aren’t light. Why do I try to make them light?”
– “You know you need to work on things.”
– “I know. I tried. But I failed.”
– “So you opt for invalidating them. ‘Next best option’ – so you think. It’s fox and the sour grapes again; just that the fox is laughing when he says ‘I don’t need those sour grapes anyway’. Hoping someone would laugh too; to support that invalidation. It’s an escape mechanism. Not that it works, for then you go back to your life and all your demons are right there, waiting for you.”
– “Yes. I agree.”
– “Yes, you’ve tried to work on things; but not wholeheartedly. Maybe you saw you needed change. Maybe personal growth, in some direction. But you lacked intensity; for the discomforts in your comfort zones were familiar. And they seemed better than the unfamiliar discomforts of growth zone.”
– “Umm…”
– “Or maybe none of it was your fault. Maybe someone else needed to change. But they opted out of it. So you should’ve made better choices for yourself. Yet you chose to cling to negative situations and corrosive people. For, again, they were your comfort zone. Maybe you didn’t know whose fault it was and you should’ve opted to explore; except you didn’t. Maybe you declared the limit of your understanding as the ultimate degree of knowledge. Helped yourself declare the problem unbeatable. Maybe the blame-games felt better than acceptance of those limits.”
– “Could be… it’s all that…”
– “It’ll all get clear when you say yes to get clarity, my friend. When you choose to get real about things. Awareness is strength. Either apply yourself at it honestly; or get professional help. But get out of this space. It isn’t helping you. Let that laughter reach your eyes. Let it be real. You deserve it. Work on it.”

#ThinkingSolutions #ProblemSolving #Escapism #DefenseMechanism #MindGames #ThoughtProcesses #BeliefSystems #CommunicationAnalysis #TransactionalAnalysis #FalseLaughter #Psychology #CounselingPsychology #BehavioralPsychology #SocialPsychology #Linguistics #VerbalCues #Conversation #VoiceOut #ComfortZones #SelfInvalidation #Feelings #Emotions #EmotionalPains #SelfHelp #SelfAwareness #CriticalThinking #SelfAnalysis #Introspection #SelfTalk #Strokes

The Cake In The Fridge: An Understanding Of Life

– “I’ve noticed something about you.”
– “What is it?”
– “You don’t party long; not like before.”
– “I don’t work long either; not like before.”
– “Yes. Me-time? God knows you deserve it.”
– “Do I?”
– “You’ve achieved so much; and sacrificed much more.”
– “The sacrifices were choices turned to gains. I have no regrets there. And no, it’s not ‘me-time’.”
– “Then what is it that you’re up to?”
– “I spend time with my parents.”
– “Seriously?”
– “Why is that so surprising?”
– “No, I mean, I imagined you found something spiritual.”
– “I did.”
– “Went to a spiritual retreat?”
– “Went to a funeral.”
– “Huh?”
– “Remember Kurt?”
– “Kurt ‘The Machine’? Hell yes. The thirty-five-year old, celebrated CEO of that –“
– “That wasn’t what he was thinking of, during his mom’s funeral. His mom had Alzheimer’s. She was in a hospital; she died alone. Kurt wasn’t in contact with her for ten years; didn’t know anything about her situation.”
– “Oh…”
– “The hospital found him through records. As he rushed to the hospital, the nurse told him mom’s last words. ‘Tell Kurt, there’s cake in the fridge. Don’t go to college hungry.’ Kurt told me later, he had left home angry, ten years ago, never to return again, leaving the cake mom baked for him in the fridge, to punish mom for something she had said the other day. The nurse said, that cake was the only thing she’d ever talk about, since last year. Kurt was… crushed that day. Just wouldn’t stop crying.”
– “Oh my god…”
– “Made me realize I hadn’t been in contact with my folks since last eight months. I rushed home. I don’t know why, but I looked at dad closely; as if for the first time. He looked so… old, suddenly. Like, much older than what I recalled from eight months back. Mom too. We didn’t talk much that day; but both of them kept finding excuses to touch me, my hair, my face. And each time, there were tears in their eyes. Dad kept saying it was allergy; he was fooling no-one.”
– “Oh…”
– “These days I look in the mirror; and I see my mom in Kurt’s mom’s place, telling me there’s cake in the fridge. A future, calling to me. Telling me it’s sad… unless I do something about it. Unless I choose to make sure they’ll be content when they pass away. Unless I’m with them, NOW. Unless I make time for them, NOW. No excuses, no bullshit. All my money and all my trophies and all my penthouse apartments mean crap, if my mom and dad are going to feel so freaking lonely when I’m right here on the same planet. No, it’s not just them; it’s about me; ten times over. The dead move on; the living live with regrets. Like Kurt will, for the rest of his life. I don’t know how much time’s left for me; but I can tell you it ain’t as much as I’d like to think. It never is. So I’m making the most of what I have, NOW. I love my folks; and trust me, nothing is more precious than that stroking in the hair, by both their fingers, at the same time.”
– “I totally understand now.”
– “People ask me life advices. Here’s the biggest one: love your folks. Screw whatever it is you’re mad at them for; that ain’t what you’ll remember when they won’t be around anymore. Be there for them. NOW.”

#Family #FamilyValues #FamilyMatters #LoveYourFolks #Love #Care #Caring #Support #Parents #Home #BeThereForThem #ActiveLove #SpokenLove #Understanding #Maturity #Gains #Life #Togetherness #Happiness #BuildingHappiness #FindingHappiness #FutureCalling #LovingTouch #Now #Choices #AfterSuccess #Successful #Regrets #Past #Time

The Mindful Comedian

The King asked, “What is the right comedy?”
The Advisor said, “My King, we’ve arranged a feast for our soldiers tomorrow. You’ll have your answer then.”
The next day, soldiers gathered for the feast.
No-one seemed to be enjoying it.
A comedian was brought in.
He looked at everybody, and said, “Is it a feast or funeral? Looks like someone died here,” laughing at his own joke. Nobody laughed. But an elderly soldier came forward, and said,
– “Yes, someone died. Hundreds, in fact. Our brothers in arms. We’ve just come home from a battle won hard, with blood and deep personal loss. Show some respect for the dead, you fool.”
The comedian’s face fell flat. He had no idea about that. He shrank back into a dark corner.
The Advisor looked at the King meaningfully.
Then another comedian showed up.
He didn’t rush to come up front.
Instead, he hung back for a while, striking a chat with a young soldier in the lower ranks.
Well-informed, he gripped the young man’s shoulder to boost up his spirit. Then he retired to a corner briefly; applied some rouge to his right cheek; came forward; and with a clear voice, said,
– “Worry not, my friends. Your girlfriends and wives haven’t run away with other men. Just wouldn’t let anyone court them.” Pulling a long face, he put a hand to his reddened cheek. “Believe me; I tried hard.”
It clicked then; and suddenly everybody burst into laughter.
As the cheers and hoots faded, the comedian put on a respectful smile; raised a toast; and said,
– “They said they want only their heroes.”
The men raised their glasses in response, accepting the compliment.
“You see, My King,” the Advisor said, “That’s what right comedy looks like. It’s well-informed about the audience and well-timed in its delivery. It’s well-composed in its execution and well-focused on brighter sides of things. These men had lost their spirit to sad memories of their dead brothers. But our comedian here reminded them of futures where they’ll live as heroes, acknowledged and appreciated, loved and respected. Where their lady-loves will look at them each morning with trust and admiration, love and care. Enough to lighten up anyone. That’s what the right comedy does to mind: it gets us juiced up for life.”

#Comedy #Comedian #Punchline #Communication #CommunicationSkills #Speech #DialogueDelivery #SoftSkills #Skills #SkillDevelopment #Thoughtful #Audience #KnowingAudience #SocialPsychology #Psychology #Linguistics #Language #Information #BeInformed #BePrepared #Understanding #Maturity #Talking #Speaking #SpokenWord #MoodManagement #Relations #Relationship #CentreOfAttention #ArtOfSpeech

Be Mindful When Emptying Mind.

Dear Diary,
How could she do this to me?
Gosh I feel so used… I shared everything with her…
All my past. My dark secrets…
What people have done to me…
Even that little suicide attempt…

Thought I should share it with someone… Thought she was the one… Thought she will understand… She was so sweet to me that day… It was she who broke the ice that day… We went to the café… Got ourselves coffees… She asked; and I just opened up… I don’t know why… Some people are so… They know how to make you open up, I guess; it’s an art… I told her everything…

And today afternoon, I received that mail. “Cancellation of promotion”… I just couldn’t believe it. I was dancing with delight last five days; they were making me Project Head… I went straight to my Department Head; asked what the hell was going on. The guy was so distant and closed up. Everyone was, actually. Since morning, I recall now. Just didn’t get it earlier. “Let’s call it a time-off,” he said. What time-off? Why? “Psychiatric Evaluation”? What the hell is that? Why? Shit, that little play I had with the blade on the wrist? That was five years ago… Whole different life; whole different time… I got so engrossed thinking how they got to know; I couldn’t even react properly to his words. I just went mannequin, I suppose. Made it so easy for them with my silence. I might’ve muttered something stupid like ‘Thank you, sir’, and walked out. She was right there. Our eyes met; and she looked away. It clicked just then. Who did it. Who went in and put a bomb on my career and walked out with a big cake which was mine…

How? How?? How can people be that evil?

Hi
It’s your mom.
Big surprise, huh? Reading your mom’s handwriting in your diary?
Yes, I’ve been reading this stuff for the last five years.
Since… you know when.
Since I and your dad had a bitch-slap by life, when we were told by the medics our only kid wanted to die. The kid we both thought was so perfectly happy in the world.
The kid we were proud to have given a nice life to.
Really, a big nasty bitch-slap, that was.
Dialogue. We figured that’s what we lacked.
We needed to know. Know what was going on in your mind. So we asked. But you told us to go do something we biomechanically couldn’t. Not your fault. Our defeat was complete and total that day; but it was coming since long. Then I discovered this diary. Figured the diary knew it all since a long while. Been reading it since then. Sorry.
I get it now, darling.
We all need someone to talk to.
Some have their family – I know: we haven’t really been one.
Some write diaries. Except diaries don’t respond back.
Good for catharsis though.
And some have friends. The true ones. I don’t know if it’s luck or wits that gets us that kinda friends. Maybe both. I don’t blame you for trying to make friends with this vulture who broke your career. And you shouldn’t blame yourself either. You were a dam of emotion, filling up for years; waiting for someone to open the trap-door. This woman knew. Must’ve seen it in your eyes. It’s just that you didn’t see what was in hers. Maybe you didn’t get to see; for your own were clouded with emotion. Not your fault.
My point is, you can never really be sure, about people. At least, not immediately. Takes years to build up that trust; unless you’re really good at reading people.
If you want help, then get help. Get professional help. But don’t jump into it when random strangers show up and open their arms for a hug. Not everyone asking for your mind is a counselor. You know that now. Emotions are data. About us. We may or may not know how to read that data; but these devils do. And so do the professional helpers. It’s our wits here, to select the better option. I know we don’t understand each other fully; but damn right we’ll support you if want that help. So, get real help, dear.

#ProfessionalHelp #Counselor #Counseling #Psychotherapy #CounselingPsychology #Psychology #Help #Support #SelfHelp #HelpGroups #Abuse #EmotionalPain #PainManagement #EmotionalManagement #Catharsis #CyberBullyism #Therapy #Emotions #Thinking #Feelings #Exploitation #Manipulation #PrivateLife #PrivacySettings #SocialMedia #Victimization #PeoplesPsychology #SocialPsychology

Do You Know The Whole Story?

– “I didn’t expect this from him.”
– “Good.”
– “What’s good?”
– “Now you know what not to expect from him.”
– “But how could he?”
– “The question is, why did he?”
– “Exactly. Why did he?”
– “Precisely. You don’t know.”
– “No, I don’t know.”
– “Did you try to know?”
– “Huh?”
– “Did you ask him?”
– “I did. But he said nothing and walked away.”
– “I saw how you asked. It wasn’t an ask.”
– “I know I was loud; but I was angry.”
– “And that justifies the loudness that canceled dialogue as well as a chance to know why?”
– “I was really angry.”
– “No, you were surprised; which turned to anger even BEFORE you met him; for you made some assumptions in your mind and declared him a culprit already.”
– “Yes. I guess.”
– “Logic justifies anger, only when you’ve scoped the full situation and found his play in it irrational. Such wasn’t the case with you. I don’t advocate hiding emotions; I encourage placing them in the right slot. Emotion is for us. Not others. It’s data for us to know how a situation impacts us. Surprise is acknowledgement of lack of knowledge of a situation; anger is acknowledgment of lack of control over that situation.”
-“Yes. Emotion is data, as you always say.”
– “The surge of emotion you felt here was to be used as inspiration to have dialogue. Ask why, how, when, what. Process the answers you get. Leave stereotypes, biases, presumptions and prejudices out of it. Leave past impressions out of it. Know the present as it is. Stay conscious that everyone has their own views; and they may differ to yours. Analyze how a person’s thought-processes work; how their methods function.”
– “Yes. Use emotional energy for action.”
– “Differences are OK if the action on their part hurts no-one. If there’s irregularity in those functions with hurtful consequences, you can make them aware of it in realist terms. You can check if they’re willing to change. If they don’t, you have the choice to reform your relation with them to such a level where their irrationality won’t affect you. You have that right too. Stay rooted to your centre. Apply mindfulness. Stay conscious that gain of positive outcomes is the only purpose of any action; and it’s all in how you communicate.”

#communication #dialogue #expectation #relations #relationship #word #language #assumptions #understanding #maturity #thinking #emotion #feelings #thoughtfulness #mindfulness #AngerManagement #EmotionalManagement #ThoughtProcesses #viewpoints #attitude #differences #people #psychology #SocialPsychology #BehavioralPsychology #counseling #counselor #EmotionalPain

त्यागाचं यशशास्त्र !

– “गुरू…”
– “का रे ? असा दु:खी चेहरा का ?”
– “एक विचार सतावतोय.”
– “शब्दांत मांडून बघ.”
– “माझे त्याग अजूनही कमीच पडतायत का ?”
– “कशासाठी आहेत हे त्याग ?”
– “माझी जीवनध्येय; ज्यांपासून मी अद्याप दूरच आहे. खूप त्यागलंय मी, तरीही. अजून कोणत्या वजाबाक्या बाकी आहेत, आयुष्यातल्या ? अजून कोणते आनंद आहेत, ज्यांचं अर्घ्य द्यायचं उरलंय अजून या यज्ञात ? माझे मित्र ? परिवार ? माझ्या इच्छा ? सगळ्यावरच तर तुळशीपत्र ठेवलंय… अजून कोणता लचका तोडून देऊ ?”
– “डायलॉग मस्तय. आवडला. आक्रोशाची बैटरी डाऊन झाली असेल तर आता ऐक. तो किडा दिसतोय तिथे ?”
– “हो.”
– “कोषात जायच्या तयारीत आहे तो आता. सगळं सोडून हं ! बाहेरच्या दुनियेतली सगळी आमीषं त्यागूनच ! आता परत अन्नसुखासाठी सुंदर फुलांचे नि परागकणांचे सोस नाहीत. स्वातंत्र्य नाही. स्वच्छंदता संपली. दिसतंय काही, तुझ्यातलं यात ?”
– “हो. माझीच कथा. ढीगाने केलेले त्याग; का तर एक दिवस फुलपाखरू होऊन आसमंतात भरारी घेता यावी. त्याचं जमूनही जाईल. पण माझं काय ?”
– “तूही घेशील भरारी, जेव्हा कोषात काय घडतं ते समजून घेशील आणि आचरणात आणशील. बाहेरच्या दुनियेला फक्त एक त्याग दिसतो. पण तेवढंच नसतं. खरंतर त्याग ही किंमत असते, स्वत:ला दिलेल्या वेळेची आणि ऊर्जेची. तो कोष ही स्वत:वर काम करण्यासाठी स्वत:ला दिलेली, स्वत: स्वीकारलेली स्पेस असते. वृद्धी ठरते, ती तो स्वीकार कसा वापरला जातो, यावर. नुसतं त्यागाचे गोडवे गाऊन विषय संपत नाही. त्यागलेल्या गोष्टींच्या मोबदल्यात काय घेतलं जातं आणि कसं वापरलं जातं, यावर वृद्धी ठरते.”
– “काय स्वीकारलं जातं त्या कोषात ?”
– “सर्वप्रथम एक समज स्वीकारली जाते. जे ठरवलंय ते स्वत:साठी ठरवलं; आवडलं, पटलं, भावलं; म्हणून ठरवलं, हे स्वीकारलं जातं. उद्दिष्टावरच्या प्रेमाशी प्रामाणिक राहून, जे त्यागलंय ते उपयोगाचं नव्हतं म्हणूनच त्यागलंय, हे सत्य स्वीकारलं जातं. हा त्याग म्हणजे दुनियेवर उपकार नसून स्वत:च्या भविष्याचा सत्कार आहे, हे सच्चेपण स्वीकारलं जातं. उगाच त्यावरून गळा काढायची गरज नाही, हे व्यवहारीपण स्वीकारलं जातं.”
– “अच्छा…”
– “मग जिद्द, ईर्ष्या, हट्ट, करार स्वीकारला जातो. स्वत:च्या शिस्तबद्ध पुनर्रचनेचा कार्यक्रम स्वीकारला जातो. कमतरता आहेत हे कबूल करण्याचा प्रामाणिकपणा स्वीकारला जातो. त्या कोणत्या आहेत हे ओळखून, त्यांच्या उच्चाटनासाठी माहिती असलेल्या क्षमता वापरण्याचा कार्यभाव स्वीकारला जातो. हे उच्चाटन आयुष्यभराच्या सवयींना धक्का देणारं असेल, हे समजून घेऊन, आपल्यातला अजागळपणा आपल्याशी भांडायला येईल, तेव्हा त्याच्याशी जीव लावून भांडायचं, हे स्वीकारलं जातं. जुनं तोडलं जाताना, त्या विरहातली वेदनाही स्वीकारली जाते. कष्टातलं सातत्य स्वीकारलं जातं. कालच्यापेक्षा आज एक पाऊल जास्त पडेल, हे पाहीलं जातं. कालची मिळकत आजची गुंतवणूक असेल, हे जमवलं जातं. ही नुसती वाढ नसते. ही उत्क्रांती असते. त्यातूनच जमिनीवरचा किडा हवेत उडतो.”
– “बरोबर…”
– “त्या किड्याकडून एक शिकण्यासारखं आहे. त्याग हा गंमत म्हणून केला जात नाही. करण्यासारखं उपयोगाचं काहीतरी आहे म्हणून बिनकामाचं त्यागलं जातं. तुझे त्याग ढीगाने आहेत हे कौतुकाचं आहे; पण विषय तो नाही. त्यागाच्या बदल्यात तू करतोस काय, हा मुद्दा आहे. त्यागाला दिशा आहे; पण कष्टाला आहे का ? कष्टाचेही ढीग उपसतोयस; पण त्यात सुजाणता आहे का ? आधी नीट माहिती मिळव. मग ती वापर. विचार जिवंत ठेव; विचारांत सजगता ठेव; म्हणजे कष्टही सजग होतील. त्याग करून जो वेळ मिळवलायस तो जाणीवपूर्वक रचनात्मक कामासाठी दे. कष्टांत वैविध्य येऊ दे. विजिगीषु वृत्ती येऊ दे. नवनवे पैलू उत्क्रांत होताना कष्टाला सर्वांगीणता येऊ दे. सूत्रबद्धता येऊ दे. स्वत:ला कामात वाहून घेताना प्रवाहाच्या दिशेचं भान ठेव. नुसत्या त्यागाच्या भावनिकतेत गुरफटू नकोस; डोक्याचा वापर कर. सावधपणे उपलब्ध साधनांचा वापर केलास तर वेगवेगळ्या पातळ्यांवर स्वत:ला घडवशील; नवा होशील; आणि मग तूही भरभरून भरारी घेशील ! उंच उडायचंय ? जाणिवेत खोली आण.”

© अपूर्व विकास
समुपदेशक व मानसशास्त्र तज्ज्ञ
(निगडी, पुणे)
8928183848(Phone)
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#उद्दिष्ट #ध्येय #जीवनध्येय #महत्वाकांक्षा #प्रगती #वृद्धी #कष्ट #शिस्त #सातत्य #त्याग #इच्छा #मोह #संघर्ष #इच्छापूर्ती #जाणीव #सजगता #डोळस #जिद्द #शक्ती #मनोबल #प्रेरणा #आत्मबळ #इच्छाशक्ती #विजेता #पैसा #यश #यशस्वी #यशोगाथा #विजय #अपयश #मराठी #लेख #वैचारिक #जीवन #लेखक #समुपदेशन #समुपदेशक #lifecoach #successcoach #counseling #counselor #lifegoals #career #business #money #thoughts #sacrifices #thinker

“I’m There For You.”

Fallen in its own abyss,
Lost in the dark,
There’s that mind;
Gasping for air and striving for light.
With a past lost in paths with foggy destinations;
And a present locked in a directionless limbo.
That mind cries; sometimes it shrieks;
All it feels is pain.
Its own. Others’.
And much of it as gift from others.
Gut-wrenching pain. Soul-shattering pain.
The kind that doesn’t allow one to make peace with it.
The kind that keeps one fighting, even when one is way past being tired.
It’s easy to neglect that mind as a parody of sorrows you’re yet to see.
And oh, it’s much easier to tell that soul, “I’m there for you.”
For that’s all it wants to hear.
For a sliver of light is all it wants to see.
Not that the mind is crippled;
All it asks to stand back up is a handful of water.
It’s easy to let it think, you’re that handful of water.
Even if you have no malice in mind,
The deep trust you’ll see in those eyes will make your day.
There will be an ocean of love in those pained eyes.
For you.
Might even make you proud of yourself.
But be warned, my friend.
You’re playing with fire here.
For a darkness like that,
Even a sliver of light looks like the sun.
With great hope, that soul will trust you.
With great love, that soul will love you.
But if you aren’t going to be there,
That same ocean of love will turn to hell.
Where light is in its ultimate defeat.
No, that fire won’t hurt you. Not at all.
It’ll only char that little ocean in those eyes dry.
But within that little pool, hope of entire mankind will die.
For it doesn’t take a billion deaths to kill humanity.
It takes one perfect murder of a soul by betrayal.
So if you ever say those magical words to a pained soul,
Be sure beforehand you’ll really be there for them.
Be sure.

#BeingThereForYou #FeelingMind #FeelingPain #Healing #Helping #Help #Care #Caring #Counseling #Support #Emotion #EmotionalSupport #MoralSupport #Human #Humanity #Social #Interpersonal #Love #SupportGroup #Manipulation #Betrayal #WordPower #IAmThereForYou #Therapy #Depression #MentalDisorder #HeartToHeart #Trust #TrustIssues #Maturity

Attitude V/S Sellability

– “I’m so tolerant,” said the King. “What makes me so?”
The Advisor said, “I’ll have an answer for you tomorrow.”
The next day, as the court began its day, the Advisor brought in a poor young man with shabby clothes and unkempt hair.
– “Why is he here?” asked the King with impatience.
– “My King,” said the Advisor, “as we all know, the goldsmith recently made a new throne for you. Let’s see what a commoner feels about it.”
– “Why would I care what a commoner feels about it?” the King asked.
– “Well, we can check if they really feel the might of your power.”
The King grunted his consent. The young man came forward. Bowed awkwardly. Looked at the throne. And said, “Such a waste of gold. Cut it to pieces and a hundred poor fellows like me wouldn’t need to grunt for food anymore.”
– “Stupid beggar…” The King shouted in anger, “How dare you? Off with his head, at once.”
– “I’ll take him to the guillotine,” said the Advisor, and took the man away.
A while later, he came back, with a man in a striking tuxedo.
– “My apologies for the earlier episode, Your Majesty,” said the Advisor, “I’ve brought someone capable of evaluating the goldsmith’s work. This man here is a renowned banker from our neighbor nation.”
– “Sure,” consented the King.
The banker came forward with a swagger; bowed smartly; glanced at the throne; smirked; looked around at everyone; and said, “Such a waste of gold. What use is it? Cut it to pieces. Give a peace each to a hundred commoners; they’ll invest it in a bank and never go to sleep hungry again.”
The King looked unsettled, but then he nodded. “He’s so different… Such a pragmatist… This is what we lack in our nation.”
The court nodded.
The Advisor said, “My King, we have a surprise visitor today.”
– “Who?”
– “I’ll fetch him at once.” The Advisor took the banker away; and came back a while later with a man with uncertain age, extremely fair skin, rich robes. There was an aura about him. He was so confident, so sure of himself. He didn’t bother with any protocols. He came close to the throne as if the King wasn’t even there, touched it, and said, “Disgusting…”
– “Pardon me, my friend, but who are you?” asked the King.
The man gave a name, without even looking at the King.
The King had heard it. It was the name of a legendary technologist whose ideas were dwarfed only by the sums of his profits.
The King was overwhelmed. “Oh, god, it’s so good to see you in person. I’ve heard so much about your-“
– “Disgusting…” repeated the man, interrupting the King’s praises as if he was tired of listening to them, still focused at the throne. “Such a grand waste. When will you people ever learn? Cut it to pieces. Give a piece to each one of a hundred young men with promising grades in school; as capital investments; and you’ll have a hundred businessmen in near future, who’ll cancel your dependence on neighbor countries for goods. How do you not see that?”
The King began clapping. “Such a visionary… I have no words… Come my friend, we’ll have a feast. We’ll discuss business over food.”
But then, the technologist disrobed, revealing shabby clothes inside. He tousled his hair. And then he removed prosthetics from his skin and inside his mouth, and to the King’s utter disbelief, he was the same poor young man with gaunt features the King had ordered beheaded a while back. Gone was the aura; gone was the persona. Speechless, the King looked at the Advisor.
– “That man is an actor, My King,” said the Advisor. “He knows how to be… anyone. A poor man. A rich banker. A visionary business tycoon. Anyone. He speaks the script he’s given. Of course, it was I who gave him that little script about the throne. The same, each time; just a bit of difference in the words and the manner of pronunciation. He insulted you three times the same way; but each time you thought you were talking to a different person. Your response differed as per his stature. And you aren’t the only one; we all do that. We’re tolerant as per what we think we’d get by being tolerant. Being merciful to the poor fellow’s rudeness wasn’t profitable to you; so you ordered his head off. Being friendly to the businessman’s rudeness was much profitable to you; so you ordered a feast. So if you want to know what makes you so tolerant, it’s nothing but business. The moral is, attitude is tolerated only when one can bring results; any other time one gets his head cut off.”

#attitude #AttitudeIssues #youth #young #arrogance #communication #person #personality #business #corporate #job #career #vision #visionary #rich #poor #people #SocialPsychology #psychology #money #profit #swag #tolerance #patience #ManagingPeople #management #speech #stature #society #approach

Dealing With Psuedo-Stupids…

– “This is ridiculous.”
– “Welcome to 21st century.”
– “I subscribed for this news portal online. I thought I’d get important news. But no. They keep showing all kind of stupid stuff in the name of news. Look at this. A celebrity kid pooped in a mall; nanny rushed for diapers. This is news? How can people be such idiots?”
– “Oh, they aren’t idiots, my friend. They’re smart.”
– “How’s this crap smart?”
– “Have a look at the reactions and comments. How many are there?”
– “Thousands. Readers are angry at this nonsense.”
– “There you go.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “We all know how social media algorithms work. The more reactions and comments a post gets, the more its visibility rises. The more its organic reach rises. The more people get it on their screen. And that’s addition to the possibility that more people will subscribe for that news portal. It’s business.”
– “Oh…”
– “Question is, how do you get thousands to react and comment? It’s easy. Remember that kid in our high-school – ‘Nut’ they used to call him?”
– “Yes. He knew how to attract attention by saying stupid things.”
– “I won’t be surprised if Nut is running that portal now. That’s the thing with stupidity. It beats logicality ten times when it comes to drawing attention. For little Nut, it was a game back in childhood. He loved the attention; the negativity in it never bothered him. As they say, no publicity is bad publicity. Everyone hated him; but he was the student representative by the time last year rolled over.”
– “Yes.”
– “In adulthood, such Nuts figure out how to turn that mind-game into profit. You’ll find such Nuts everywhere. Online. In your workplace. In the queues for rail tickets. Your relatives. Sometimes they say irrelevant things, case in point the Diaper-Devil here; sometimes it’s illogical; sometimes it’s offensive. You’ll even find them in the comments a good post gets. Something irritating. Something that elicits a reaction. People react; Nuts keep at it nevertheless; and before you know Nuts actually get a fan-following. People begin to see logic in their crap; make them leaders.”
– “But how to stop such people?”
– “It takes two to play a game. You don’t want the game; don’t get into the play. They aren’t stupid; they just act like ones; and if you know it now, then stop reacting. You weren’t put on this planet to correct everyone. Silence isn’t agreement to their stupidity; it’s agreement to investing your mind in better things for yourself. You either play others’ games or you can focus on your life-goals; can’t do both. It takes energy for both; know where you’re giving it. Don’t let Nuts fool you into wasting it. Focus, my friend. Be smart. You’re controlling this crap. If no-one plays, games stop.”

#reactions #comments #SocialMedia #trolls #trolling #posts #Facebook #games #MarketingStrategies #marketing #commercial #tactics #MindControl #MindHack #MassMedia #BeSmart #BeCautious #traps #news #stupid #DealingWithIdiots #MindManagement #focus

Boldness V/S Stupidity

As everyone settled, the King asked,
– “How does stupidity differ to boldness in communication?”
The Advisor brought in two Comedians.
They were known for their bold words.
And of course, for rivalry with each other.
Then the Advisor asked for the Prince.
He had recently returned from battle.
His face was slashed; a battle scar.
Everyone knew it was a hurt to the Prince’s pride.
The Advisor asked the Comedians,
– “Notice something different about the Prince?”
The first Comedian looked at the Prince’s face. He said,
– “Looks like the prince crossed paths with a sword,” laughing at his own pun.
Few people laughed. The Prince looked pained.
The other Comedian said,
– “If this is the winner, then imagine the loser. Must’ve been cut into a jig-saw puzzle.”
The Prince’s eyes had a glint; his lips formed a smile.
Everyone laughed.
– “And that, My King,” said the Advisor, “is the difference between stupidity and boldness in communication. Stupidity is a rush at assertiveness. Boldness is well-considered assertiveness. Stupidity is negligence of consequences. Boldness is a management of consequences. Stupidity is negligence of others’ feelings. Boldness is empathy with positive touch to its verbalization. Stupidity is a compulsive display of attitude. Boldness is a conscious approach. You know which comedian you’ll ask for, from now on. Attitude leaves us predictable. Approach makes us dependable.”

#bold #boldness #attitude #approach #situation #communication #CommunicationSkills #dialogue #speech #talks #verbal #language #linguistics #consequences #assertiveness #aggression #emotion #thinking #feelings #thoughtfulness

The Wheel & The Spokes: An Understanding of Solutions

– “What’s the right path to solution?”
– “The straight path.”
– “How?”
– “Notice the wheel of your carriage?”
– “Yes.”
– “What do you see?”
– “A circular outer rim, connected to the central hub with spokes.”
– “The wheel represents your problem. The circular rim is outer boundary of that problem; where the problem ends. You’re at that central hub. The spokes are pathways to take you to the rim and get you out of the wheel. Each one is a straight line. Which happens to be shortest distance between two points. You’ll find solution if you walk straight too.”
– “It’s that easy?”
– “Sure it is.”
– “Then why can’t people find solutions easily?”
– “Some stay rooted to the comfort zone of the hub, fearing the unknown outside. Others begin their walk; but question the merit in it when they find the lengths of their journey too long. They deviate, thinking there might be a more profitable path if they go crossway. It only adds to the journey; and their frustration; and they deviate again. That’s when they find themselves going in circles; all inside the outer boundaries. That’s when they declare their problem unbeatable.”
– “So the point is, choose any path; but stay true to it, huh?”
– “Precisely.”
– “But each one of those spokes ends at a different location on the rim. Sure it takes us out of the problem; but what if it’s not a desirable location? What if the actual desirable location is somewhere else on that rim?”
– “How do we get into problems in the first place?”
– “We lack vision.”
– “Exactly. Now, what’s a circle if seen from the side?”
– “A straight line. Just the edge of the circle.”
– “We live in space-time reality, made by our own consciousness. Space is that circle. Time is that line. Space is the wheel. Time is its edge seen from the side. Both are one and same; just observed differently.”
– “What’s that got to do with anything?”
– “You said lack of vision is our problem; so vision is solution. Space clouds our vision with what was and what is inside the rim; but time gives us that vision with a true look into what will be as we get out and climb on the rim and have a look around. True solution isn’t to be found in space; it’s to be found in time. Getting out of the current circular problem-space has two rewards. One – a view of the entire rim that tells us where the desirable location actually is. Two – a chance to get on the side of the rim and observe reality as the straight line of time. Now we’ll have the chance to travel in time to reach that desirable location; rather than space. Why? It’s because our destination will be much closer in ‘small line’ time-view than it was in ‘big circle’ space-view. Different approach; better results. Again, it’s about walking straight on that time-line; making a choice and staying true to it; and we’ll have our solution.”

#problem #ProblemSpace #challenge #circle #line #MindSpace #solution #resolution #remedy #questions #answers #mentality #mindset #approach #space #time #reality #mind #consciousness #choices #resolve #StayTrue #dedication #patience #viewpoint #perspective #goals #growth

“Emotional; Not Logical”: Why?

– “People don’t understand me.”
– “What’s supposed to be understood?”
– “I know I’m not logical.”
– “Then what are you?”
– “I’m emotional. Feelings govern me, not logic.”
– “How do feelings govern you?”
– “I’m spontaneous. I react. I don’t think.”
– “You react as per the situation?”
– “No. Depends on me.”
– “How?”
– “My mood, before the situation. Makes my reactions irrelevant to the situation. Could be anything. I’ll get angry over a joke. I’ll get sad over something funny. I’ll fear something easy. I’ll laugh out loud over something serious. I make all kinds of crazy choices.”
– “Does it help you?”
– “Not at all. I’ve made most big decisions in my life emotionally; not logically. Cost me big. Cost my loved ones big too. But I can’t help it.”
– “And people should accept that?”
– “Why can’t they?”
– “People need to see logical connections to understand things. They don’t see them; they don’t understand. Can’t blame them.”
– “But why can’t they understand it’s who I am?”
– “It’s not who you are; it’s who you choose to be.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Tell me. What do you conclude when people don’t understand you?”
– “I feel I’m different than everybody else.”
– “And are you OK with that?”
– “Sometimes I am. Sometimes I’m not.”
– “There you go.”
– “What?”
– “You’re playing a game with yourself. The purpose is to psychologically arrive at that last bit: ‘I’m different; sometimes it’s OK; sometimes it’s not.’ Let me tell you what’s the pay-off here. Since childhood you know your thought-patterns have been erratic. As you said, it has hurt you more than it has helped you. You know you need to introspect. Work on yourself. Get a logical coherency in your thought-processes. But that’d take deep effort. You don’t want it. So you adopt ‘fox and the sour grapes’ approach. Since logic takes effort, you declare you won’t have it; you don’t need it. You declare being emotional is the opposite of being logical; you declare your erratic nature as your identity; and you sit on it. When you feel OK about it, the pay-off is you get to think you don’t belong to the world in the first place and it’s other people’s duty to understand you. When you don’t feel OK about it, the pay-off is you get to play the victim and get sympathy.”
– “So I need to understand myself first?”
– “And work on that understanding. Feelings are emotionalized thoughts. If those thoughts aren’t logical, neither will be your feelings; and it’ll all just hurt you in the end. This is escapism, on a grand scale. By maintaining that erratic nature, you’re keeping yourself from connecting with life for real. Get professional help if you want. Check your anxieties. Check what part of life you’re running away from. Check if it’s something in your childhood. Logic and emotion aren’t opposites. They’re function of a mental journey. Emotion is there as data for us, to process logically and arrive at rational conclusions which can empower us. Use your emotions instead of being used by them. Make them work for you. Respond to life; don’t react.”

#emotion #feelings #thought #thinking #anxiety #fear #reaction #response #introspection #self #analysis #logic #reason #rational #decision #drives #mind #mentality #mindset #attitude #approach #life #choices #betterment #counseling #psychology #mental #disorder #personality #selfhelp

Paper-Bag: An Understanding Of Life

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “Do you ever think you’re making a mistake?”
– “I’m not smart enough to doubt myself; turns out being an idiot has helped me so far.”
– “You share your knowledge with all of us.”
– “And that’s a mistake?”
– “Don’t you think you should keep some of it to yourself?”
– “Is it mine to keep?”
– “Well, you create all these thoughts…”
– “Oh, thoughts aren’t created, my Child. They’re results of processes in my brain inspired by what I observe in life; and I govern none of it. I’m a mere observer; I own none of it.”
– “Nevertheless, you have such a great mind. Why share it?”
– “You see that paper-bag?”
– “Yes.”
– “Pick it up. You brought water with you?”
– “Yes.”
– “Pour water into the paper-bag.”
– “But Teacher, it’s paper. Look, the bag has started dripping immediately.”
– “Never mind. Keep adding water.”
– “Argh… Teacher, the bag tore open. I lost all the water.”
– “Mind is like that paper-bag, my Child. Experience is like the water in it. It shows outside as soon as mind saturates with experience. Same as the paper-bag which began dripping. If we keep pouring more experience without letting some of it out first, it’s just wasted load on the mind. It tears open the mind, same as the load of water which tore open that paper-bag.”
– “Oh…”
– “Life is a giant river; it keeps pouring water of experience into the little paper-bag of mind. We have to make space in that bag. We can drink some of the water in the bag. It’s nourishment for us. What we can’t drink, we can use by holding the dripping bag over a small plant; it’s sprinkling – nourishment for the plant. The first part is me, implementing what I know. Only that turns information into knowledge. The second part is me, sharing what I know with others. It keeps my paper-bag empty; ready to be filled again with what’s new, what’s different, what I’m yet to process. I wanted to be a student all my life; that’s why I became a teacher.”

#knowledge #information #wisdom #data #experience #gains #life #teacher #student #lesson #sharing #care #caring #society #study #analysis #observation #implementation #introspection #thought #thinking #thoughtful #social #new #process #mind #brain #attitude #approach #positive

विरताना… विरून उरताना…

हा मेल तुम्हा दोघांनाही पाठवलाय. खरंतर पत्र पाठवायचा विचार होता. पण पत्र दोघात एक वाचायला तुम्ही दोघं हल्ली तितके एकमेकांजवळ आहात कुठे…?

उपदेश नाहीये हा. याला काय समजायचं ते मी तुमच्यावर सोडेन. आणि यातून काय घ्यायचं, तेही.

तुमच्या नात्याच्या सुरुवातीपासूनच्या कितीतरी गोड क्षणांसाठी साक्षिदार आहे मी ! एकजण CCDतून बाहेर पडताना आणि दुसरं आत येताना, डोळे अंतरात भिडले होते ना तुमचे, त्याच क्षणापासून. त्या निसटत्या वेळी जाणवू न देता क्षणांनी ओढ दिली होती, तेव्हापासून. चार गालांचे प्रतिकार झुगारून दोन ओठांवर स्मित साकारलं, आणि इकडे माझ्याच मनात एक ज्योत उजळली… तेव्हाच पासून…!

तुमच्या किती भेटी मीच घडवल्या रे ? बागेतल्या हिरवळीवर तिघांच्या गप्पांचे फड भरताना, शब्दांच्या गर्दीत दोन वेगळ्याच अबोल कळ्या उमललेल्या पाहून, हळूचकन तिथून काढता पाय घेण्याचं शहाणपण मी कितीदा जमवलं रे ? मी कधी कल्टी मारली हे तुम्हाला कळलंही नाही, याचा राग न मानता, तुम्ही एकमेकांवर केलेले जोक्स नंतर मलाच फॉरवर्ड झालेले पाहून, हसण्याच्या कारंज्यात किती संध्याकाळी तरूण झाल्या रे ? दोघांच्या काळ्याभोर नजरेत काही विभोर सांगायचं होतं; ते मीच ओळखायचं… मीच ह्याचं तिला अन् तिचं ह्याला सांगायचं… गुंफलेल्या बोटात लपलेल्या भावनांना पाहून मीच त्यांना शब्दात रचायचं… च्यायला, अगदी प्रपोज कसा करायचा तेही मीच acting करून समजवायचं, जीन्स गुडघ्यावर फाटेस्तोवर…!

जे होतं ते गोड चुटूक होतं ! लग्नात काय तेजस्वी दिसत होतात रे…! दोघं एक झालात तेव्हा एकमेकांत भरून पावलात. विश्वास होता. परस्परांमधल्या फरकांप्रति सहनशीलतेचा घरोबा होता. आणि…
त्या सहनशीलतेच्या वाढत्या राबत्यात, पाठोपाठ, एकाने दुसऱ्याला गृहीत धरण्याने हातपाय पसरले…
I think… घात तिथेच झाला होता…

मला पहिल्यांदा कधी कळलं माहितीये ? तुमच्यातल्या एकाच्या कॉलेजच्या गृपचं गेट-टुगेदर होतं; आणि अचानक सिंहगडला जायचा प्लान ठरला. हे जे एक होतं, ते पटकन हो म्हणालं. मी विचारलंही, “घरी वाट बघत असेल ना?” त्यावर उत्तर म्हणून एक भुवई बेफिकीर उडली. “वाट पाहील नि झोपून जाईल, त्यात काय एवढं?” डोळ्यातल्या उथळपणात मी पूर्वीची काळजी शोधली; नाही सापडली. तिथेच कळलं मला.

दोघातल्या या एकाने नखं वाढवलीयेत; जाणवत होतं. पूर्वीची एक मृदू जीभ आता डंख मारू लागली होती; अन् तिच्या better half सोशिकाने सहनशीलतेला साजेशी चण आक्रसवणंही सुरू केलं होतं. बेफिकीर बेणं एक दिवस रात्री आठला यायचं कबूल करून पहाटे दोनला आलं, तेव्हा सोशिकाचा फोन मलाच आला होता, अकरा वाजता. चिंतेने भरलेला. आठवतंय त्या दिवशीचं? आम्ही दोघंही वाट पाहत होतो, जागे राहून. दार उघडल्यावर प्रथम नशेच्या भपकाऱ्यासहित एक प्रश्न संशयाच्या सुईने मला टोचला गेला, “तुझं काय काम आहे इथे, आत्ता या वेळी?” त्यावेळी, हे दिव्यात्म्या, मला बसलेल्या धक्क्यापेक्षा, मी तुझ्या better half कडे पाहिलं ना, तेव्हा सोशिकतेचा तो चेहरा आघाताने चिंधड्या झालेला पाहिल्याचा शॉक मोठा होता मला.

ज्यांच्या वचनांची ग्वाही मीच दिली होती, त्यातल्याच एकाच्या वचनांचे भावार्थ गमावले जाताना पाहायचं दुर्दैवही माझंच. कामं नि पार्ट्या निष्काळजी लांबलेल्या – काही लिमिटच नाही. “तू जरा समजून घे ना…” समजेच्या या एकेरी अपेक्षा शेवटी आंबतात नि बुरसटतातच रे… “आपलं नातं नक्की कुठे चाललंय?” या आर्त प्रश्नावर आपण जेव्हा “मला आत्ता फालतू बोलण्यासाठी वेळ नाहीये,” ही प्रतिक्रिया देतो ना, तेव्हा ‘समजून घेण्या’तलं अपंगत्व आपलं असतं. आणि नक्की काय समजून घ्यायचंय ? आपली बेजबाबदार बालिशपणाची हौस ? का, रिलेशनशिप त्यासाठीच असते, हा आपला गैरसमज स्वीकारला जायला हवाय ? घरी येण्याची वेळ उलटून गेल्यावर जेवणाच्या ताटांनी आस्वाद गमावले रे. तसेच gift बरोबरच्या हिशेबी क्षमायाचनांनी क्षमेचे हेतूच हिरावले. कोंडमाऱ्यानंतरच्या तुटक हुंकारांनी निराश अश्रू लपवले असतील; पण ते रात्री दीडला त्याच सोशिकाच्या माझ्याशी होणाऱ्या texting मध्ये दिसलेच मला.

मागल्या आठवड्यात तुमच्या घरी माझं येणं झालं, तेव्हा बेल वाजवण्याआधी आतलं भांडण ठणठणून माझ्या कानावर आलंच. “मला बोलायचंय तुझ्याशी,” हे ऐकलं. त्यावर क्षणाचाही वेळ न दवडता “नसेल पटत तर दार उघडंय, मला घेणं नाही कशाशी,” हेही ऐकलं. नातं उपाशी होतंच; पण आता बेफिकीर प्रत्युत्तरात संवादाचा खून पडल्यावर उपाशी नात्याची भूकही मेली होती. तो तुमचा अंतिम पराभव होता.

…शेवटी नको ते परवा घडलंच.
सोशिक माझ्या दारी. रात्रीचं. नुकतंच काहीतरी घडलंय हे स्पष्टच दिसत होतं. काहीएक न बोलता ते शरीर आवेगाने माझ्यावर झेपावलं, तेव्हा मनाच्या भूकेसाठी शरीराचा हिशेब मांडला जाताना पाहून माझंच मन फाटलं. एकाचवेळी दूर ढकलण्याची आणि बाळाला घ्यावं तसं जवळ घेण्याची ऊर्मी मनात. खरंतर शरीर मलाही आहे. समोरच्या संधीचा मस्तपैकी फायदा घेता आला असता मला; पण आपणच बांधलेला देव्हारा आपणच विटाळायचा ? शेवटी ते शरीर कोसळलंच. दोन तास रडून झाल्यावर माझ्याच हॉलमध्ये झोपूनही गेलं – मला सताड जागं ठेवून. सकाळी अस्फूट “सॉरी” म्हणून… गेलंही. आणि काल बेफिकीर बेणं आलंच. आता चेहऱ्यावर बेफिकीरीचा लवलेशही नव्हता. दिवाभीताला बाराच्या ऊन्हात उभं केल्याप्रमाणे बावचळलेला चेहरा – त्या एक्सप्रेशन्सनी “मला घेणं नाही कशाशी” या वाक्यातली गुर्मी फसवली होती ! थरथरत्या हातात चहाचा कप देताना मलाच वाईट वाटलं. “काही नाही झालं आमच्यात” हे सांगितल्यावर क्षणभर पोरसवदा आनंद… आणि मग एक पोक्त नि:शब्द उद्ध्वस्तपणा…

त्या उद्ध्वस्ततेला मला विचारायचंय, प्रपोजच्या वेळचे डायलॉग्ज आठवतायत ? “I’m there for you,” बोललेलं आठवतंय? कदाचित डायलॉग्ज माझेच असल्यामुळे मला त्यातलं प्रेम जास्त आठवतंय; तू फक्त तोंड वाजवलंस. राग येतोय आता, पार्टनरचा? आणि माझा? मला निवडलं गेलं म्हणून? बरोबर आहे तुझं. मला पर्याय म्हणून निवडलं जाण्याची गरजच यायला नको होती – ती आली. कारण? कारण हेच, की मंगलाष्टकं ऐकेपर्यंतचं प्रौढत्व “तदेव लग्नम्” हा assurance मिळाल्यावर पुन्हा पोरकट झालं ! खेळणं ‘आपलं’ झालं ना…! आता आपल्याला वाटेल तेव्हा खेळू; खेळून झालं की शो-केस मध्ये ठेवून देऊ ! तिथे खेळणं निपचित वाट पाहत राहील आपली, आपण परत लक्ष देईपर्यंत…

नाही जमत तसं. कारण ते खेळणं नसतं. ते माणूस असतं. त्याला भावना असतात. इच्छा असतात. गरजा असतात. आणि ते आपलं माणूस असल्यामुळे त्या गरजा आपण आपल्या करून घ्यायच्या असतात. Rather, तसं प्रेम देण्याच्या इच्छेसाठीच रिलेशनशिप असते; अन्यथा नुसतं घेणंच असेल तर “Cherry is waiting for you, only 1.5km away” या SMSमधूनही काम होऊन जातं; उगाच लग्न कशाला पाहिजे? ही जबाबदारी नाही झेपली, तर आपल्यात गुंतलेली नजर विचलीत होणारच. कालचं हादरणं नीट आठव. पार्टनर “दुसरीकडे” जाऊ शकतं, ही शक्यता प्रत्यक्षात आल्यावर कशी मस्त ‘फाटते’ ना? आपण समजतो तेवढे आपण निगरगट्ट नसतो. गरजा आपल्याही असतात. त्या पूर्ण व्हायच्या असतील, तर पार्टनरला गृहीत धरण्याचे नखरे बंद करायचे असतात. “वेळ नाही” म्हणजे काय च्यायला? अन्न-वस्त्र-निवाऱ्यानंतर प्रेम हीच गरज उरते; तिच्यासाठी वेळ नाही? चूलीत घाल त्या पार्ट्या.

काल माझ्याकडून निघताना मी ऐकलं, “मला माझं प्रेम परत हवंय”. मिळेल. पण स्वत:ला ओतावं लागेल. तुमचं नातं भोक पडलेलं पीठाचं पोतं आहे. वारं मोकाट सुटतंच; पोतं रिकामं होत जातं. आधी हळूहळू. मग पटापट. प्रीतीचं जमून परत विरणं एक पोकळी मागे ठेवून जातं; त्या पोकळीत रिकामं पोतंही परवाप्रमाणे भरकटणारच ना? आता सावरायला हवं. पेरणी पहिल्यापासून पुन्हा हवी. नव्याने. बाहेरची हिशेबी गणितं कितीही मांडली, तरी भावनेची कोवळिक परत हवी असेल तर जवळिकीचं लेणं साकारायलाच हवं. अंतरात भेटलेल्या त्या नजरांपासून, पुन्हा. म्हणूनच, माझ्याकडून, हे एक :- मी आज संध्याकाळी परत त्याच CCDत असणार आहे. वाट पाहीन. या आशेमध्ये, की माझे दोन जिवलगही तिथे असतील. माझ्या ओळखीच्या दोन नजरा एकमेकींना परत नव्याने भेटतील… आणि क्षण ओढ देण्याची हिंमत दाखवतील…

© अपूर्व विकास
समुपदेशक व मानसशास्त्र तज्ज्ञ
(निगडी, पुणे)
8928183848(Phone)
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(लेख शेअर केल्यास आभार. कृपया शेअरिंग लेखकाच्या तपशीलासहित करावं, ही विनंती.)

#प्रेम #विवाह #लग्न #प्रेमविवाह #विवाहबाह्य_संबंध #दुरावा #भावना #भावनिक #विचार #वैचारिक #सहन #सहनशील #सोशिक #गुंतणं #मन #मानसिक #संवाद #शब्द #विसंवाद #गृहीत #समुपदेशन #समुपदेशक #गरज #पार्टनर #नवरा #बायको #पती #पत्नी #माणूस #सामंजस्य

Loser V/S Winner V/S Legend

How do losers and winners and legends differ?

– Losers react. They refer to past failures as excuses for future failures.
: “My path isn’t lit. I don’t go where it’s not lit.”
– Winners respond. They use past failures as data to prepare for future wins.
: “I brought my own torch. Last time I missed it.”
– Legends play their own game.
: “What goal?

I’m building a path for there’s none, that’s it.
That’s all the reason I need to build a path.
No, there’s no goal. Not yet.
The path builds the goal; not the other way around.
Building this path is what gets me the chance to be myself; so I’m at it.
I don’t know where I’m going; for I’m not going anywhere.
I’m here. I’m in the now.
I’m not ‘going to be’ a winner; I’m winning now.
Focusing on the present and what I can do best for it.
That’s it.
I’m not interested in winning or losing;
For I’m not interested in winners and losers.
They bother with ‘identities’; they worry about acknowledgement, appreciation, admiration, approval.
I care for no such thing.
They have ‘goals’ – someone shows them a distant flag and they start running toward it.
They don’t question who put the flag there; and why.
They don’t realize they’re merely trying to be someone else who has already been there.
So the winners lose themselves in their zest to be someone else.
And the losers perish in their escapism from the social pressure to be someone else.
… I’m that someone else.
The one who’ll build his path simply for he wanted to; and move on to something else.
Someone will see a ‘goal’ out of it, out of what I did.
A ‘destination’ that others ‘should’, ‘must’, ‘ought to’ pursue, removing the fun in it.
They’ll put a flag boasting of my name where they last saw me.
They’ll tell others, ‘run toward that flag.’
And winners and losers will get into trying or avoiding to be me, again.”

#aim #goal #target #objective #dreams #achievement #destination #competition #winner #loser #legend #focus #struggle #effort #inspiration #motivation #attitude #approach #growth #progress #comparison #yourself #spirit #prestige #excuses #problem #situation #crisis #solution

Work V/S Creativity

“How does creativity differ from work?”
– asked the King.
“My King, bring in four people,” said his Advisor; “A painter, a sculptor, Head of The Knight’s Order, and the gardener’s son. We’ll have a game.”
– “Gardener’s son? He is four,” said the King. “What does a child know?”
– “Nothing, My King,” said the Advisor; “That’s why children are best of teachers.”
Wasn’t the first time the Advisor sounded mad; the King said nothing. He knew, by experience, interesting things were about to happen.
The Advisor asked for four bowls of sand; and four jars of water.
The four people, as advised, were brought in.
– “Gentlemen and little master,” said the Advisor with a clap and a bright smile, “Each one of you has one bowl of sand and one jar of water. Make something nice out of it. You have half an hour.”
The three adults in the group jumped right into it.
The little kid, however, paid no attention to the game; more interested in finishing the mango in his hand first.
The King was about to say something to the child, but the Advisor advised not to with his eyes.
As the time was up, the Advisor stepped forward.
– “What do you have for us, artist?” asked the Advisor.
– “I… I’ve tried to make sand art, the King’s portrait…” said the man with fear in eyes. “Not my forte, I confess; I work with water-colors usually; but I tried… Apologies if it’s not up to the mark…”
Next was the Sculptor.
– “What do you offer?” asked the King.
The man was confident. “An idol of Your Highness, the greatest king of our times,” he said, with a smirk at the painter, confident he’d be evaluated better than the man.
Next was the Head of The Knight’s Order.
– “A castle, is it?” asked the Advisor.
The man nodded grimly. “Yes, sire. My apologies that I couldn’t finish it in time.”
Everyone looked at the little child.
– “You want to give it a little try, little man?” asked the King.
– “No,” said the child simply, not bothering to look at the elders, still busy with the mango.
The King looked frustrated. “Why not?”
– “I don’t feel like it,” was the simple response.
– “Looks like he’s as bored with your little game as I am,” said the King to the Advisor.
Advisor said nothing.
– “When you’re done eating that mango, throw the cover and the kernel in the trash bin,” the King told the kid. “I don’t want you littering.”
The kid finished the mango, and looked at the bowl of sand and jar of water.
And with a smile, he tossed the sand on a table, made a heap, showed the kernel in it, and gradually poured water from the jar on top of it. As sand turned to mud, he made a ball out of it, closing the kernel inside. Then he tossed the ball out of the open window; it landed somewhere in the garden.
Then he looked up at the elders and threw a beaming smile.
– “And that’s how creativity differs from work, My King,” said the Advisor.
– “Meaning?”
– “The painter and the sculptor and the knight took it as a mission, a task, a work. Their ideas weren’t original. They produced nothing new. Their efforts were preprogrammed. Their inspiration was anxiety, not positivity. Their expression was restricted, not free. Everyone wanted to just please you; so they jumped into it thoughtlessly. The painter was out of his depth; and he was afraid he’d be criticized for it. For the sculptor it was everyday business; but he was more interested in competing with the painter rather than expressing himself. The knight couldn’t think of anything different than what he sees every day – a model of a castle; but he failed to consider the time required to finish the task. Everyone was predictable. And their outcome had no value than mere show-pieces.”
– “And the child?”
– “The child was free, unrestricted, unbound to any notions of competition or insecurity or proving his worth or pleasing anyone. He cared for no evaluation; he wanted no appreciation; he worried about no criticism. He had no idea what he was going to do; he didn’t even want to participate at first. But then he saw the kernel in his hand and the sand and the water, and inspiration came to his sensitive, open mind like sun out of the clouds. It was spontaneous. Not preprogrammed. His seed-ball shall give birth to a mango tree; to gift us taste for years to come. Not a show-piece; a real idea with true outcomes. Useful. And all innocent. Pure. That’s creativity.”

#creativity #work #creative #effort #inspiration #idea #desire #expression #magnificence #freedom #choice #spontaneous #art #outcome #life

The Mountain Base-Point: An Understanding Of Life

– “I’m not where I should be in my career.”
– “How do you know that?”
– “Others have reached much ahead.”
– “None of your business.”
– “How can it not be?”
– “What’s that got to do with you?”
– “I should’ve been there as well.”
– “Why?”
– “Because I… I could’ve been there…”
– “Did all of you begin the same time?”
– “We did.”
– “Did all of you begin from the same spot?”
– “We did.”
– “Same base-point, same mountain?”
– “Yes. Same climb. I have no excuses.”
– “Good; have no excuses; but have an understanding.”
– “Of what?”
– “Did all of you arrive at the base-point the same way?”
– “Base-point? Why does it matter? It’s ground zero.”
– “For now, it is. It wasn’t always. It was the destination, previously. Summit of another mountain. For the earlier segment of the journey of life. One that each one of you traversed differently. Some were air-dropped in luxury helicopters. Some were carried there by others on shoulders. You walked.”
– “Yes. But not all who’re ahead of me were rich. Some had same financial family backgrounds as me.”
– “But they were smarter?”
– “Exactly. I envy them.”
– “Was it their achievement to be born smarter?”
– “Huh?”
– “Process it. Some of them knew how to arrive at the base-point quicker. Some knew how to hop. Some knew how to run. Some swung from branch to branch. They used intellectual skills Mother Nature gave them at the time of their birth when She was in party mood. Ain’t their achievement. Ain’t your fault She was busy in washroom queue when it was your time.”
– “Oh… So what you mean is, we’re simply in different treks?”
– “All of you. Each one of us is. Always. A whole different trek. A whole different journey. One where each one of us is alone. No competition. Life is the grand ground where all of us play out their individual sport simultaneously; fools us into thinking it’s the same game for all players; it never is. You’re getting a mad-on for ghosts that don’t exist. There ain’t no competition. Your only competition is you. Your own past. Sure it’s full of pain; but that’s useful. Past pain is today’s investment; for it smartens you with useful data of what works and what doesn’t. Keep applying that in reasonable quotas of effort each day; be precise and do better today that yesterday. OK if that difference is small. Growth is gradual. Just be consistent; and be happy that you’re doing your part. Stay real. You’ll win.”

#success #win #winner #growth #aim #goals #objective #target #inspiration #motivation #dedication #consistency #competition #competitor #opponent #contest #jealousy #career #business #corporate #journey #struggle #fight #achievement #accomplishment #fulfillment #satisfaction #understanding #awareness #self

Achievement Is Investment

– “We began the same.”
– “Yes we did.”
– “Yet I lost; you won.”
– “Yes I did.”
– “But we were both winners in the beginning.”
– “Yes we were.”
– “Then why did I lose; and you won?”
– “What did you think of that first win?”
– “I thought I needed to secure it.”
– “I thought I needed to invest it.”
– “Investment means engaging it back into things.”
– “Precisely.”
– “Means, we lose it for the moment.”
– “To have it back later in multiplications.”
– “I couldn’t let go of my gains.”
– “That’s what made you lose.”
– “What made it easy for you to let go?”
– “A factual understanding.”
– “Of what?”
– “Reality of growth.”
– “Please explain.”
– “Do you eat mangoes?”
– “I love mangoes.”
– “What part do you eat?’
– “The pulp.”
– “What part do you reject?”
– “The kernel.”
– “What do you do with it?”
– “I sow it. Gets me more mangoes in future.”
– “Why sow it? Why not just keep it?”
– “How can I keep it? It’ll rot.”
– “Exactly. That little gain in the beginning was like a perishable mango, my friend. Except you thought it was an indestructible diamond. You got emotionally attached to it; thought you could secure it. I knew I couldn’t. No gains stay with us; all are mangoes. The pulp part gets consumed; the kernel part rots. The trick is to identify which part is pulp and which part is the kernel. Sure I enjoyed the pulp; I had my fun; but yes I sowed the kernel. For I love mangoes too; I love them more when they’re in abundance; and I stay true to that desire. I wanted to gain more. I sowed the kernel when there was still life in it; it turned into my investment. And not once or twice; each time I got mangoes I also got that many more chances of investments too. That’s how today I got an entire mango grove, growing exponentially each day. That’s how I stay a winner. No achievement is ultimate. It‘s merely investment for the next.”

#success #growth #progress #goals #objective #dreams #winner #win #inspiration #motivation #business #investment #profit #money #management #risk #future #patience #insecurity #assets #liabilities #gains #achievement #accomplishment #assurance #smart #industrious #future #thoughtfulness #provision

“Me-Time”: Yes, Have It.

– “I feel disconnected.”
– “From what?”
– “Life. Everything’s mechanical.”
– “What makes it so?”
– “The daily grind.”
– “Which is made of?”
– “Sequences. Tasks after tasks.”
– “Take breaks.”
– “I can’t.”
– “Why not?”
– “Work will be pending.”
– “When is work not pending?”
– “Never.”
– “So what does it matter if you take breaks?”
– “I feel guilty.”
– “What’d be your crime?”
– “I’d be prioritizing myself.”
– “Why would that be a crime?”
– “Others depend on me.”
– “Have you always been alive?”
– “No.”
– “Will you always be alive?”
– “No.”
– “Was there a world before you?”
– “Yes.”
– “Will there be a world after you?”
– “Yes.”
– “Then who are you fooling? No-one depends on you.”
– “But they do.”
– “Either they want you to think so or you need to think so.”
– “I don’t know.”
– “What’s the payoff? Do they appreciate you?”
– “For what?”
– “For putting them first?”
– “They used to.”
– “Not anymore?”
– “No. I wanted to ask: Why is that?”
– “What makes diamonds special?”
– “They glitter.”
– “So does glass.”
– “Yes; but diamonds are rare.”
– “Precisely. It’s rarity that makes things special. No-one would give a damn if entire planet was laden with diamonds.”
– “So?”
– “You give special performance once a week, they see it’s special; they pinch your cheeks. You begin giving special performances every day, they stop giving a damn. Except for that one day you don’t give it, and they tell you they’re disappointed.”
– “Yeah, that’s me.”
– “That’s what scares you?”
– “Yes. That’s why I stretch myself.”
– “I ask again. What’s the payoff?”
– “They feel nice. I don’t.”
– “You got two choices. Try keeping everyone happy and lose yourself. Or you get real. We sleep for we need that sleep. Ain’t no-one winning any wars staying awake all night – you’ll be miserable next day. We need such little sleeps in between that task-after-task routine: sleeps that wake us up to life. Sleeps we have with open eyes. Fully conscious. Take a walk under the morning sun. Feel the winds. Feel the air, its humidity, its dryness. Listen to leaves talking to you. Have an ice-cream; a pastry you share with no-one. Have a little me-time. Yes you deserve it. Yes you need it. It energizes you for what’s next. Life is in those little moments. Live it.”

#life #living #love #MeTime #MyTime #PersonalSpace #priorities #tasks #responsibilities #DailyGrind #disconnected #breaks #routine #happiness #joys #guilt #depression #anxiety #SelfAppreciation #BeingMe #BeYourself #entitlement #RightToBeHappy #YesToJoys

Sentiments: Are They Helping?

– “I’m so sentimental…!”
– “Why’s that smile there on your face when you say that?”
– “Smile? No reason…”
– “Nothing is without reason.”
– “What reason can there be?”
– “What does a smile convey?”
– “That things are positive…?”
– “Or?”
– “Or things are negative but they’re… innocent negative…?”
– “Or?”
– “Or things are badly negative but there’s nothing we can do about them…?”
– “All three reasons are valid. Ultimately, a smile like that conveys that we need to be OK with things, even when they might not be.”
– “So you’re saying it’s not OK that I’m sentimental?’
– “You tell me.”
– “I… don’t know.”
– “Has it benefited you?”
– “Look, I have certain beliefs; and of course I’d get hurt if someone damages those beliefs.”
– “I repeat: Has it benefited you?”
– “No. But it’s who I am.”
– “Precisely. Now you got it.”
– “What?”
– “The true reason why you’re sentimental.”
– “Which is?”
– “You think it gives you an identity.”
– “Is it wrong?”
– “What is identity?”
– “Result of our efforts for life.”
– “Good. Now tell me. What are you sentimental about?”
– “Ethics. Morals. Certain code of conduct.”
– “An assortment of things you can decide for yourself but not for others. Anything else?”
– “Religion. My ethnicity. My race. History of my people.”
– “Things that got stuck with you by the biological accident that was your birth. You didn’t ask to be born in your religion, race, ethnicity. In both cases, there’s no identity for there’s little effort. In both cases, there’s little that you can control but there’s a lot you expect in terms of respecting YOUR values; and that leaves a big margin of possibility that others’ actions or words might hurt you.”
– “Yes. And I find an identity in that pain? Is that what it is?”
– “Yes. Unconsciously you find that pain useful. Each time you get hurt, you re-register your association with your sentiment-rich identity, like a child that can’t let go of mother’s assuring hand.”
– “Is that why people like me don’t progress much in life?”
– “We’ll know the answer by how you reply if I say yes.”
– “So the only way to success is to have no moral stand-point?”
– “Hah – there we go! THAT, my friend, is the reason why you don’t progress. You think only in terms of polarities. One is to stick to sentimentalism and call it moral-standpoint; the other is to have no morality at all and go crazy. Neither will help you win. Of course you’ll need a moral stand-point and it’s OK to have one; but there are two aspects you need to consider.”
– “Which are?”
– “One: Process your morals. Process the logic and reason in those morals. Process the reach of those morals. Be real about what you call morality. Most people who call themselves sentimental do nothing but judge others based on some doctrine they have in their minds. Stop judging unless they’re hurting someone. You can act as moral cop for everyone or you can focus on your wins; you can’t do both. And even if they’re hurting you with words, know the actual affect of those words in real terms. Words are air unless they turn to action. If there’s no bad action on their part, then get a thick skin; for if you wish to win then you need to make that win your identity; stop finding it in sentimental pain.”
– “I’ll process that. What’s the other aspect?”
– “Two: Have stand-points; but don’t keep them stuck to the ground. Carry them with you like a boat in an ocean. Carry your understanding of what you want and what you don’t with you; and process what you see out in the reality, individually, realistically, factually, unconnected to past but tethered to present. Experiences are like washrooms; you aren’t here to stay. Get into things; do your business; have what feels positive; discard what feels negative; get out. Keep yourself fluid. Nice and easy. Select your responses consciously; your objective is to reach a constructive outcome out of everything. See everything as a venture toward growth; its seeds are there even in bad situations. Learn, and adapt; improvise, and win.”

#sentiments #sentimentalism #emotion #emotional #feelings #thought #thinking #facts #factual #reaction #response #past #present #focus #pain #hurt #fluidity #flexibility #rigidity #choice #goals #winner #win #objective #progress #ventures #vibes #positive #negative #constructive

A Reflection On Hating Our Loved Ones…

Hey,

Did you eat? I mean, I know you haven’t since yesterday; but there’s the pie, you know. I wanted to know if you’re done being stupid and planning to come back home soon; or shall I finish it off now. Not for anybody else; but come back for the pie. At least. It’s damn good. Not that I need you to finish it off; but I’ve been watching my waistline. So come.

Or don’t. Not for a while. Maybe this is OK. Maybe, this is what we needed. All of us. You. Mom. Dad. Me too. A little distance. A little ‘me’ space. For all of us. They say too much familiarity breeds disrespect. Maybe that’s been our problem. We’ve been looking too closely at each other. Maybe we need to get a perspective. For each other. For ourselves.

The glass on the door shattered into a million pieces when you slammed it shut on your way out yesterday. You must’ve heard the noise. An apt metaphor for our situation. All shattering. Everything, breaking down. We haven’t yet cleared it. We thought you’ll do it. When you come back. That’s what we do in our home. We clear our own mess.

Hey. I wanted to ask you. It’s been nagging at me ever since. What pissed you off, really? The fact that mom and dad pointed out your weaknesses? Or the fact that it so resonated with what you’ve known about yourself since long? You thought you had hidden your flaws for good, huh? Didn’t like that those weaknesses have been obvious to everyone else all along?

Tell you what. Yes, they were obvious. To all of us. All along. To outsiders too, I think. Funny thing about weaknesses. The more you try hiding them, the more they’re obvious. Another funny thing is, it’s easier to work on them rather than hiding them. Except we don’t. Neither did I, when I was your age. We all think the hiding part will be easy. It never is. I guess you know that now. Fire in head equals fire in belly, right? I know. I ran away once too. Came back before dawn; nobody knew.

There’s a part of you that’s thinking about something else, right? About how to work on those weaknesses? Aren’t finding any answers, are you? Pissing you off all the more? Maybe a little tear at the corner of the eye? Let it come out. Don’t hide it. Cry a river. I’m not even going to start on how stupid what you did is, I know you’ve figured it out yourself by now. Just empty yourself. And when you’re done, DON’T rush home. No. Stay. Stay with yourself for a while. And understand a simple fact: It’s OK to have flaws. We all have them. I have mine; mom and dad have theirs. They make us human, I guess. Of course we need to work on them nevertheless; and that’s what a family is about.

What we have with our loved ones is a space of openness. Where we can be ourselves. Where we can be flawed; so that our loved ones can see what we can’t. And point it out to us. So that we can work on it. Together. All of us. Won’t find this space anywhere else. World will just judge and evaluate and discard us. It’s family that stays with us; to turn us from failures to success. Our loved ones are like sun. We see our dark shadows only under the sun; and only sun gives us life. But we have to let it. We have to accept it. That was what mom and dad were offering you yesterday – I know, their tone wasn’t particularly sunny; but let’s be real: you know they meant well.

It’s simple, dear. You have two choices. You can skip it all and keep running from your weaknesses. Won’t find any strengths either – strengths come from facing weaknesses only. And lose yourself for good. Or, you come back home. And embrace the sun that’s been shining for us, just us, all along, unselfishly, bright and loving. Present yourself to that sun as truly as you can, let it help you rinse yourself of all your flaws. Sure it won’t happen immediately; hell, mom and dad, too, will have to reconsider what they’ve been thinking and what they need to think; but if we all give ourselves and each other that chance, then together, all of us, we can evolve; and we can get there, in the end.

Your call. Eternal darkness. Or your own sun.
– Your gene partner, basking under the same sun

(PS: Those who really want to run away don’t keep their phones on. Just saying.)

#family #together #togetherness #bonding #parents #parenting #childcare #mom #dad #mother #father #siblings #love #care #caring #openness #trueness #weakness #flaws #strength #us #we #children #LovedOnes #disputes #misunderstanding #communication #dialogue #discussions #support

Get Knowledge; Not Opinions

– “I won’t.”
– “Why not?”
– “I know what it’s like.”
– “What’s it like?”
– “It feels too negative.”
– “Have you been at it before?”
– “No. But I know who has.”
– “And?”
– “They told me it’s too negative.”
– “So what’s your option?”
– “I’ll go for the other thing.”
– “Have you been at it before?”
– “No. But I know who has.”
– “And they told you it’s positive?”
– “Yes. I trust their judgment.”
– “Why?”
– “They’ve been at it before. They know.”
– “They know what they know. Doesn’t mean it’s maximum limit of what’s to know.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Two thirsty lions found a lake. One was bold. One was passive. The bold one stepped ahead. The passive one lagged behind. The passive lion saw that as soon as his bold friend touched the water, something bad happened; didn’t understand what actually; but the bold one slapped at the water with its paws as if hitting an enemy waiting underwater; then moved frantically away. Neither dared to drink water. Can you tell me what happened?”
– “The bold one saw its own reflection in the water; mistook it for another lion.”
– “And what did the passive one think of it?”
– “He thought, ‘My bold friend knows better’. Same as I.”
– “There’s another version of the story. This one has only one lion. The bold one. Same stuff happens. The lion decides never to visit the lake again. Tell me why.”
– “The lion thought, ‘One experience is enough.’”
– “Precisely. Most of us make one of those two mistakes. Either we borrow someone else’s perception and declare it as our truth; or we form opinions out of a barely-explored experience and declare it as finality of truth. Both miscalculations halt our growth.”
– “What’s the alternative? Should we dare blindly?”
– “Who says daring always has to be blind? There can be a conscious effort for a cautious exploration of reality, to know it as it is. The lion could’ve taken a walk around the periphery of the lake; it’d have realized the upside down lion underwater was only mimicking its moves; no threat there. We can be gradual in our progress. Take small steps; undertake a controllable portion of a big venture; see how things go; make small, manageable changes as required; explore slowly but progressively. We can choose to pay attention ahead while keeping an introspective eye behind to check if we’re on a straight, true, logical line; it’ll help us avoid undesirable surprises. We can leave time to analyze and find logical linkages in mechanisms of reality. We can implement what we learn in the next step; we can be students by employing little trials with affordable errors. Our gain will be true understanding hard-boiled out of our own effort. Get knowledge, my friend; not opinions.”

#knowledge #knowing #opinion #perception #truth #reality #study #student #analysis #exploration #explore #venture #risk #RiskManagement #understanding #awareness #alert #conscious #cautious #adventure #new #PushingLimits #next #business #management #survey #intelligence #thoughtfulness #progress #TrialAndError

Growth: Power V/S Strength

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes?”
– “Why are you the King’s advisor?”
– “The King likes advices. I like advising.”
– “I didn’t understand yesterday’s advice.”
– “What was it?”
– “In the morning, the King wanted to meet the commoners. You advised him to disguise as a trader. Later in the evening, the King wanted the company of his friends. You advised him to spend the evening alone.”
– “Oh, simple. What’s not to understand?”
– “Why a trader, in the morning? And why alone, in the evening?”
– “Growth. Power and strength.”
– “Growth? How?”
– “Tell me, Child. Why did our King want to meet the commoners?”
– “To… know them. Their needs and wants. Their opinions and perceptions.”
– “Why?”
– “Ultimately… it’s about… power…? Knowing them helps him manage them?”
– “Precisely. Except, in that case, he’d need that knowledge to be exact, am I right?”
– “Of course.”
– “Do you think he’d have gotten that truthful data if he went in as a King, on a giant towering stallion with twenty bodyguards to cut down anyone who speaks an uncomfortable truth?”
– “Oh! Of course not. But a trader would get it. Raw and brash and uncomfortable; but all true. Useful, for one who wants to manage people by knowing their true needs and wants. I get it now. Smart.”
– “That’s the ‘power’ part of growth.”
– “But, Teacher, that truth must’ve given him some pain, don’t you think? They didn’t know he was their King; they might’ve spoken the unspeakable against ‘the rich brat’, thinking they were speaking to a fellow sufferer. It’s natural that the pained King would want the energizing company of his friends. Why did you deny him that relief?”
– “What does a winner do with data?”
– “A winner processes that data.”
– “Where does a winner get energy to do that?”
– “Emotion. The more disturbing the data, the more a winner gets inspired to work on it, to turn it into a useful outcome. Pain turns into inspiration.”
– “Does our King hope to win in life?”
– “Wouldn’t be a King if he didn’t.”
– “What are his friends?”
– “A few gamblers. Some womanizers. All alcoholics.”
– “Would gamblers and womanizers and drunkards help a winner process data?”
– “Oh, no, they wouldn’t. I get it now. They would’ve relieved him of his pain; and he’d have ticked off the morning as yet another forgettable experience. You didn’t want him to do that. You wanted him to stay with himself. Work on things. Transcend the pain by learning about his weaknesses and choosing new paths to get new life-skills. Smart, again.”
– “And that’s the ‘strength’ part of growth. A winner grows strong by pain processed alone. A winner grows powerful by implementing the learning of that processing. Have repeated cycles of pain and processing, that’s how a winner wins.”

#success #growth #goals #objective #dreams #ambition #winner #inspiration #motivation #struggle #fight #pain #hurt #power #control #management #skills #learning #strength #processing #alone #thought #thinking #thoughtfulness #mindfulness #life #rectification #introspection #CourseCorrection #transcendence

A Partner. Not A Tourist.

– “I hope I don’t get bored with you.”
– “Oh, there’s a 50 percent chance you’ll.”
– “Huh?”
– “Mathematics. Binary possibilities. You’ll be bored; or you won’t.”
– “Seriously? That’s your answer?”
– “Was that a question?”
– “No, it was a statement.”
– “As was mine. Why did you perceive it as an answer?”
– “I expected a reply.”
– “Of course you did.”
– “It wasn’t what I expected.”
– “I know.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “I knew what you expected.”
– “What did I expect?”
– “You wanted, ‘Honey, it’s my duty to keep you happy’. Or some bullshit like that.”
– “I didn’t expect this from you.”
– “Good.”
– “What’s good?”
– “Now you know what not to expect from me.”
– “Is it wrong to expect happiness?”
– “Not at all.”
– “Then why can’t I expect to have it from you?”
– “Because you can’t. It’s physically impossible. Happiness ain’t bread. Can’t bake it, grill it, serve it butter-smeared on a plate. It’s a choice we have to make for ourselves.”
– “But I’m your partner.”
– “Exactly. Not a tourist in a guided tour.”
– “Huh?”
– “And our relationship isn’t a guided tour.”
– “What?”
– “And I’m not a guided tour manager.”
– “What’s that supposed to mean?”
– “We aren’t in a tour where I take you through an itinerary of happiness while you sit back and relax in the recliner. You want to see ‘nice’ sights? Me too. But we’ll have to build those sights, TOGETHER. That’s what being partners means. Relationship is an opportunity we give ourselves where constructive team-work may lead to productive outcomes, growth, solutions and peace. But neither of us has any right to hijack a recliner here and expect the other to strive and grunt. Except, many, like you, unconsciously think that’s exactly what a relationship will get them – a license to take someone for granted in the name of love. When you said ‘I hope I don’t get bored with you’, you started a game. The idea was to fool me into thinking it’s my duty to make sure that doesn’t happen; I begin running errands for you and you get to enjoy watching me struggling for your approval. Throw in words like love and care in it, get me emotionally hijacked, have fun. Sorry, if this here, you and I, is to work, then cut these stupid games right here; for I sure as hell ain’t playing. What I promise, instead, is I’ll be there with you when we’re building what makes us feel nice. You cook veggies, I’ll cut them. You’re grilling turkey; I’ll make the sauces. You in?”

#love #relationship #couple #dating #boyfriend #girlfriend #teamwork #marriage #MarriedLife #husband #wife #partner #breakup #divorce #single #SelfRespect #PersonalSpace #RelationshipSpace #depression #anxiety #commitment #games #TransactionalAnalysis #counseling #therapy #together #understanding #maturity #perspective #EmotionalHijacking

The Guy With The Machete

– “Is it wrong to be curious?”
– “See that house?”
– “The one with the open door? Yes.”
– “What’s inside?”
– “Can’t say. It’s dark.”
– “Similar to what makes you curious?”
– “Yes. Serves a good metaphor.”
– “What will you do about that curiosity?”
– “I’ll go in.”
– “Does it hurt?”
– “Now? No.”
– “Later?”
– “Don’t know.”
– “How would you know?”
– “I can’t. I’ll know only when I go in.”
– “What will be your gain?”
– “I’ll know what’s inside.”
– “What if it’s a trunk full of treasure?”
– “I’ll be happy.”
– “What if it’s a guy with a machete in hand?”
– “I’ll be sorry.”
– “What good that’d be? No take-backs.”
– “Why would there be a guy with machete?”
– “Someone left the door open. For a reason.”
– “There could be any reason. Could be an innocent one.”
– “Precisely. We don’t know which one it is.”
– “Does that mean we should never be curious?”
– “We should always be curious.”
– “But you’re saying I shouldn’t go in.”
– “I never said that.”
– “You said it could be a guy with a machete.”
– “I said ‘could be’. Didn’t say ‘will be’.”
– “So I need to know beforehand.”
– “Now you’re on the right track.”
– “But how can I know?”
– “Again, what do you see?”
– “A house with an open door.”
– “What do houses have apart from doors?”
– “Windows… Oh. I can check through the windows.”
– “You should.”
– “But it’s dark inside. No windows are open.”
– “Why aren’t they?”
– “Someone wants it dark inside.”
– “Yes.”
– “Like a guy with a machete in hand, waiting for me.”
– “Could be.”
– “Or not. How can I check?”
– “Again, what do you see?”
– “A house with an open door.”
– “What do we do with doors?”
– “We… open or close them…”
– “The third thing.”
– “Oh, oh, we knock on them.”
– “Yes. And wait to get a response.”
– “What if one person shows up pretending to be alone, while another waits in the dark with machete in hand?”
– “What do we do with people?”
– “We talk to them.”
– “So you say, ‘Please bring your friend outside’. If they say ‘No-one else is here’, you say ‘I just saw a guy with machete slip in, thought he was your friend’. If they’re innocent, they’ll flinch and look around, ready to grab the intruder. No-one likes a guy with machete loose in the house deep in the dark.”
– “Oh.”
– “If they’re in it with the bad guy, they’ll maintain ‘No-one else is here’ in dead-pan voice. You’ll know they’re lying.”
– “Oh.”
– “Or maybe they’re really alone; but you’ll know if you go in then you’ll be with a person who doesn’t flinch at the thought of a stranger with a machete loose in their house. That’ll tell you what you need to know about that person; you can choose if you still want to be alone in the dark with them.”
– “Yes.”
– “Do this to everything that makes you curious but feels scary. Don’t rush in headlong. First, watch. Observe. Communicate. Listen. Try to catch a vibe. Empower yourself with awareness. That’s when curiosity will be useful.”

#caution #curious #curiosity #attention #alertness #awareness #safety #precaution #mindfulness #security #defense #selfdefense #focus #precision #action #decision #exploration #understanding #observation #prediction #estimation #risk #calculation #investment #traps #lookout #comprehensive #naive #thinking #thoughtful

Facts: Get Them First.

– “Teacher, how long we’ll be here?”
– “As long as we need, or can.”
– “I’m hungry.”
– “Get food.”
– “I see berries.”
– “Me too.”
– “Shall I eat them?”
– “Why ask me?”
– “I don’t know if they’re edible. Could be poisonous.”
– “What are your choices?”
– “I starve. Or I dare.”
– “Why starve?”
– “My brother ate unknown berries once. Stayed on bed for a month.”
– “Why dare?”
– “Beats starving.”
– “At the risk of staying on bed for a month? That’s stupid.”
– “So I should starve?”
– “And lose the possibility the berries are good? That’s stupid.”
– “What nonsense? You aren’t helping. Just going round and round.”
– “Vicious cycle, eh?”
– “Teacher, just tell me: shall I? Or shall I not?”
– “I’d answer; but I could be lying.”
– “Why would you lie?”
– “To put you through a test. You know I love tests.”
– “You’re frustrating.”
– “No, you’re frustrating yourself. And one day I won’t be in the picture; so better learn how to make decisions, now.”
– “How can I make a decision, when left with but two choices?”
– “First, you get your head out of your ass.”
– “Huh?”
– “There’s always a third choice. Most people fail to see it.”
– “What third choice?”
– “Exploration.”
– “You mean I should just dare? How can I? I just told you about my brother.”
– “That’s how most people fail to see it. You’re using past and future to make decision for the present. Both are useless for present. Past keeps you scared with what went wrong; future keeps you wondering with what might go right. Puts you in a limbo; leaves you suspended in it. Present is here and now. Unconnected with either. Situations have tools that we need to explore them; question is, do we see those tools?”
– “I surely don’t see any tools, not now.”
– “That’s because you aren’t paying attention. Watch closely. How do the berries look?”
– “Ripe and full.”
– “How many are there?”
– “Too many.”
– “Is there any half-eaten berry lying around?”
– “Not a single one.”
– “Now think. Why are there too many ripe berries on a bush?”
– “Because… Oh – no birds ate them…”
– “Precisely. Birds know something we don’t.”
– “So they ARE poisonous…”
– “Big probability they are. Now look at that other bush. What do you see?”
– “Berries of a different kind.”
– “How do they look?”
– “Ripe and full; but not too many. Some are lying on the ground, half-eaten. And there’s a bird-nest deep in that bush.”
– “Yes. Why would birds make that nest over there?”
– “Logic dictates you want home closer to food. I got my answer now, Teacher. Thank you.”
– “Explore, my child. Explore ideas, people, places, investments, plans. Everything. Positivity shows. Same as negativity. It shows in the EFFECT, the results lying around an entity. Check the CHANGES something or someone makes in the surroundings. Check logical connections; check synchronicity. That’s how you explore; that’s how you know. Get facts. Don’t assume.”

#decision #assumptions #facts #truth #reality #wishfulthinking #positivethinking #thoughtfulness #mindfulness #hereandnow #present #past #future #anxiety #fear #insecurity #curiosity #exploration #study #analysis #data #searching #knowing #knowledge #awareness #growth #focus #success #relationship #investments

Be Growth Oriented.

– “What’s business about?”
– “Profit.”
– “What’s profit about?”
– “To get more than what you put in.”
– “It’s imbalanced.”
– “That’s what makes a profit out of a sale.”
– “Why would they pay more than what they get?”
– “They will. If they find what they get to be significant.”
– “What makes things significant?”
– “Desires.”
– “Desires?”
– “As opposed to needs.”
– “How?”
– “Fulfilled needs get us a survival. Fulfilled desires get us a life.”
– “People pay more for desires than needs?”
– “People complain about grocery prices; they don’t complain about prices in my five-star restaurant for food made from the same grocery. Suddenly, it’s status symbol to pay more. Suddenly, they crave to do it.”
– “Desire, huh?”
– “Yes. Stop giving a damn about things they don’t desire. Focus on what they crave for.”
– “That’s business. What’s industry about?”
– “Growth.”
– “What’s growth about?”
– “Assurance, that they’ll continue coming to you to get their desires fulfilled.”
– “How to assure that?”
– “What keeps my restaurant running?”
– “Taste? Ambiance? Menu variety?”
– “That’s all?”
– “That’s what people come in for.”
– “Yes; but what makes them come again? There are other restaurants too.”
– “What is it?”
– “What do I do when customers step in?”
– “You smile sweetly and shake their hands.”
– “With both my hands. Who do we do it to?”
– “We do it to people closest to us. That double-handed handshake is a receipt of our bond that we subconsciously place in their psyche… Oh… Now I get why you do it.”
– “Precisely. I make a point of remembering their names; their kids’ favorite cartoons; and I pull the chairs for their ladies. Little things, that matter a lot. Little things, that nobody cares about. Little things, that come together with taste and ambiance and food variety, and make a big thing out of it all. That’s growth, my friend. That’s what makes an industry out of my business. That’s what makes a brand out of a name; a legend out of a win.”

#business #profit #industry #industrious #growth #sale #income #lifestyle #living #money #finances #balances #details #attention #awareness #focus #LittleThingsMatter #vision #dreams #ambition #goals #objective #inspiration #motivation #progress #development #expansion #quality #positive #winner

Reality Is Relevant

The King looked concerned.
The Advisor asked, “Why so worried, Your Majesty?”
The King said, “I want what’s best for my people. Why can’t they see it? Why do they hate my policies, when I have nothing but care for our future in my heart? I want to know. I want their love.”
The Advisor said, “Sire, bring in three men.”
– “Three men?”
– “Yes. One jeweler. One Farmer. One beggar.”
– “And?”
– “Take them out in the open. Ask them a question.”
– “What question?”
– “Ask them, ‘What do the clouds look like? Pearls? Cotton? Or flour?’”
– “What’s there to ask? It’s simple. The jeweler knows nothing but pearls. He’ll say the clouds look like pearls. The farmer knows nothing but cotton. He’ll say the clouds look like cotton. The beggar craves for food. He’ll say the clouds look like heaps of flour. In fact, anticipating what they’d want, I have made my policies accordingly.”
The Advisor smiled. “I insist, sire, nevertheless.”
The King scowled; but he knew by experience his Advisor wouldn’t talk unless he knew what he was talking about.
He ordered his guards to bring in a jeweler, a farmer and a beggar; took them out in the open.
– “Tell me. What do the clouds look like?” he asked the three. “Pearls? Cotton? Or flour?”
– “They look like cotton, Your Highness,” said the jeweler.
The King was surprised.
– “They look like flour, My King,” said the farmer.
The King was more surprised.
– “Pardon me, sire; but they look like pearls…” whispered the beggar.
The King, overwhelmed with confusion, turned to his Advisor.
– “Where did I go wrong in my predictions?” he asked the Advisor.
– “My King, the jeweler knows pearls. But he always has to consider the type of cloth on which people would wear those pearls, to make the stones suit the cloth. So the cotton clouds his thoughts; not the pearls. The farmer knows cotton. But he always has to consider the yield from his farm, in the form of number of sacks of flour. So the flour clouds his thoughts, not the cotton. The beggar knows no food; yet he has managed to stay alive so far. His reward for survival is sight of all rich folks he notices in their buggies; and the pearls they wear that he’d never. So the pearls cloud his thoughts, not flour.”
– “So… I made my policies on totally misplaced ideas?”
– “My King, you made your policies as per what YOU thought these three men would want. You made them as per YOUR ideas of what a jeweler, a farmer and a beggar are. Not your mistake, though. For you’re the fourth person here, under the clouds, in addition to the three, looking at them from your own perspective. Reality is relevant to the observer. Reality is made of how we perceive things out of available stimuli. Reality has three axes of space; one axis of time. Situations are made out of space. But they change as per time. If you wish a better change, walk out of perceptions for they lock you out of time and blind you. Each one of us is made of space; hoping to be in a different space as time changes. If you want people’s love, know what space they seek and formulate an opportunity where they can reach it.”

#reality #surreal #observation #perception #relevant #observer #relativity #assumption #change #betterment #path #space #time

Darkness V/S Light: A Choice.

– “What do you see, Child?”
– “A robbery in progress. Four robbers. One family. With child.”
– “How many can you take down, from here?”
– “Two arrows at once; two hits at once. Then I’ll have to improvise.”
– “Weapons free, then.”
– “I have a question, Teacher.”
– “Not be a suitable time, my Child.”
– “If they get away, I will hunt them down and bring the family what belongs to them. If they move in for a kill, I promise they’ll be dead even before their blades touch the hostages. But I need an understanding, before my arrows leave my bow.”
– “Ask.”
– “Why us?”
– “Why not us?”
– “Why should we get involved? It’s none of our business. We’re here to secure a dinner for tonight; not to be vigilantes.”
– “’Should’, Child? Oh, there’s no ‘should’, ‘must’, ‘ought to’ here. We’re following no sacred commands. It’s a choice. We’re making it.”
– “Why?”
– “Sixteen winters ago, I saw a situation.”
– “I know. You saved my mother and me, as she was giving birth to me. Mother told me the story.”
– “She told you only what I asked her to let you know. I confess we haven’t been complete in our revelations.”
– “What did you omit?”
– “She needed no saving, as far as child-birth was concerned. She was managing that on her own.”
– “Then who did she need saving from?”
– “A robber. With murder in his eyes.”
– “Why try to kill her?”
– “A display of strength. For his friends.”
– “Why the display?”
– “She was lone escapee from a robbery. Doesn’t look good when a pregnant lady outruns four men.”
– “Oh. I didn’t know that. You killed him, I see. So you made a choice.”
– “It was a sad rectification of a past mistake, actually.”
– “A past mistake?”
– “There was another family, not unlike the one in front of us now, thirty-five summers ago. And there was another pack of robbers, no different than this lot in front of us now, robbing them. The family had a boy, older not a day than five winters. He had heterochromia. One eye blue; one eye green. My father and I, same as us today, were but an arrow’s flight away from the scene, hunting game with a bow. We had a choice. To intervene. And take out the robbers. One hit would’ve been enough. Not necessary to make it fatal; no need to go ‘vigilante’; one in the leader’s leg would’ve been sweet. Arrow flies out of bushes dead-shot; no-one knows how many more are coming; remaining robbers would’ve ran away.”
– “Yes. Did you shoot that arrow?”
– “My father chose not to. Snatched the bow out of my hands. The robbers robbed the last klat from the family; cut their throats; left the boy looking at his shredded family bleeding into the soil. Again, my father had a choice. To take the boy in. To give him a better life; starting with a hug.”
– “Did he?”
– “He chose not to. Shock and trauma taught the boy that you stay alive only by killing others. He joined hoodlums in a town nearby; learned the art of bullyism; formed his own pack of robbers. I saw the worst of that evil in his mad eyes, one blue, one green, when, that day sixteen winters ago, I rushed in response to a woman’s frantic shrieks in the jungle, as he charged her with a knife in hand, as she was about to give birth – to you.”
– “That’s so… horrible…”
– “There are choices, my Child. There are always choices. That boy was denied his choices, as my father refused to make his own. As a result, that boy fused with the same darkness that took the light out of his life. A sad circle, that came full. If my father had let me take that shot all those years ago, that boy wouldn’t have grown up into someone needing an arrow from me to find rest in his neck.”
– “I’m so… so sorry to hear that…”
– “Watch out, Child. Another day; another robbery; another family; another child. Darkness is here, now. It’ll always be here. It’s the default setting of universe. Unless we choose to shine light. I leave it to your discretion. No command; but a choice. What do you choose?”

#choice #darkness #light #strength #empowerment #truth #reality #betterment #progress #future #present #thoughts #decision #awareness #alertness #understanding #thinking #courage #times #control #approach #attitude #problems #improvement #transcendence #evolution #life #suvival #winner #growth

Loved Ones? Or Our “Extensions”?

– “My son has failed me.”
– “Murdered someone, did he?”
– “No.”
– “Joined the mafia, did he?”
– “No.”
– “Got caught with weed?”
– “No. He failed the army entrance test. Did it purposefully. Ticked the wrong choices.”
– “And… you’re the army chief?”
– “Nonsense.”
– “Then how come him failing the test translates as him failing you?”
– “I tried to join, when I was his age. It was my dream. I failed. I wanted him to fulfill my dream.”
– “Was it his dream? He told you that?”
– “What does the idiot know? Army makes a man out of a boy.”
– “So you just heaped it on him?”
– “He threw some tantrums. Idiot told me he wanted to pursue arts. I showed him some tough love.”
– “Remember when we were eight and you broke your leg?”
– “Yes. You were the retard trying to jump from the first floor balcony to the ground. But you chickened out. Told me to do it for you. And I did. Paid the price.”
– “That’s what happens when you try to be someone’s extension. Looks like your son has more sense than you.”
– “You’re condoning his actions?”
– “He surely didn’t come home with a broken leg, did he? A sour face, sure; but he takes that from you. Genes.”
– “Shut up. He broke my dream.”
– “No dear; it was broken since the beginning. He just showed you it was.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “He isn’t an extension of your personality. He has his own. With his own dreams. You deny him that, misery is imminent.”
– “But I gave him everything.”
– “Except the basic: the freedom to make choices.”
– “I did it out of love. This is how he repays me?”
– “That’s emotional hijacking. Same as I hijacked you all those years ago by telling you this is what friends do for each other. I don’t know what army makes out of a boy; I wasn’t in army. But even if we pretend we aren’t being sexists here, I’m sure there are many ways a boy can turn into a man; and if army is one of the ways, then that boy has to choose that path on his own. In fact, one of the aspects of growing into an adult, is developing the ability to know yourself in real terms; see your choices; and make choices that suit you. That’s not happening here; and it should. Life is in letting your unique personality express itself; success is in fine-tuning that expression so that the music is melodious. But it has to be your boy’s own music. He plays your tunes, he’ll be mechanical in it at best but he’d never be the true musician of his life. You failed at your dream; fine. It’s OK. Make your peace with it. You’ve been great elsewhere. Stop controlling your son’s future for issues in your past.”
– “So what should I do?”
– “Neither of you have an idea now; so build one. Together. Get your spouse in it too. Have a dialogue. Communicate. Most people fail for they’re lazy in exploring their options. You need to explore, the three of you. Get data. Brainstorm. Get professional help if you want. Get your facts right. See what fits with who he is. Work on it. Let him know you’re there for him in his path. And be there. That’s what being a family means.”

#family #career #choices #parenting #childcare #parent #kids #decisions #dreams #expectations #GenerationGap #Communication #CommunicationGap #ParentingIssues #Teenagers #TeenageDepression #depression #anxiety #EmotionalHijacking #ControlIssues #PastIssues #relations #love #caring #ToughLove #awareness #understanding #BeTogether

It’s A Relationship, Dear; Not An Exam Paper.

– “I’m so angry right now.”
– “Beautiful.”
– “What’s beautiful?”
– “Anger is inspirational. Makes us work on things.”
– “My partner is such an idiot.”
– “What would’ve declared your partner brilliant?”
– “I expect certain things.”
– “And you don’t get them?”
– “Not the way I want.”
– “Did you communicate your needs and wants?”
– “No. Why should I? Why should it be necessary?”
– “Ask your anger.”
– “But why can’t that retard just guess what I’d want at what time? Isn’t a partner supposed to know that? If you live with me, you should know me.”
– “Let’s play a game. I’ll ask; you’ll answer.”
– “I’m not in the mood.”
– “But I am. What’s my relation with you?”
– “We’re BFFs since kindergarten.”
– “Good. What’s my grandpa’s name?”
– “I don’t know.”
– “What’s my blood-group?”
– “I don’t know.”
– “What am I thinking right now?”
– “Why the hell would I know?”
– “I’m thinking I’m so hurt; for you’re my BFF and you have no idea about me.”
– “That’s so unfair. You’re asking me things only you’d know. I don’t live in your head. Why would I know?”
– “Exactly.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “You don’t live in my head. Same as your partner doesn’t live in your head. You know me since kindergarten; and yet you have very little idea about me. Your partner knows you since last Christmas. And you expect that poor soul to guess what’s going on in your mind?”
– “But… that’s different. You and I are friends. I and my partner are… intimate.”
– “Sweetheart, exploring each other’s tonsils with your tongues and calling it French Kiss is romantic; but it doesn’t place radio transistors in each other’s brains. You two are intimate; but no, you aren’t two radios playing the same station. One soul in two bodies feels nice in poems; in real life it’s two clowns on one rope. You can’t get to the other end without communication. You’re expecting your partner to read your mind? What’s that person, your mommy? Well, she couldn’t always get it either. It’s a horribly irrational expectation. You expect it anyway because it allows you to play victim and put your partner in guilt for the ‘crime’ of not being a mutant with psychic powers. You want something? You got a mouth. Open it and voice it out. Stop turning your relationship into a goddamn exam paper. That’s how you ruin things. Keep it real. No games.”

#relationship #love #couple #dating #couple #boyfriend #girlfriend #marriage #married #life #husband #wife #wants #desire #needs #dialogue #communication #speech #talks #counseling #counselor #therapy #understanding #awareness #TransactionalAnalysis #psychology #MindGames #feelings #divorce #breakup

Expiry Date Of Ideologies

– “Most impressive, Teacher.”
– “Thank you, my Child.”
– “What we just heard from you is exactly what we needed to hear.”
– “I’m glad you found it positive.”
– “I’ll write it down.”
– “Why, my Child?”
– “So that we can use it as a doctrine for future.”
– “Oh, my poor Child.”
– “What happened, Teacher? Am I wrong?”
– “Tell me, son. How did you move around when you were a toddler?”
– “I used to… crawl, I suppose.”
– “Did you get someone write down the method for you?”
– “No, why would I?”
– “For future reference?”
– “No. In future, I started walking.”
– “And how could you?”
– “I grew up, I suppose.”
– “Your body grew up. You could’ve still chosen to continue crawling.”
– “Yes; but situations had changed. My bones grew harder; my muscles stronger. Walking was possible now; it made more sense than crawling.”
– “Was the ability of walking given to you as a ready blessing? Or did you work on gaining that ability? Was it nature or nurture?”
– “I guess it was a bit of both.”
– “Of course it was; but nature allowed only a possibility of that ability. It was you, the little adventurer, who tried it repeatedly, nurturing it, turning it into an actuality with effort.”
– “Yes. But why are we talking about my baby-steps?”
– “Do you know what’s special about today?”
– “What?”
– “It’s the first day of the rest of your life.”
– “So… whatever I do today, irrespective of how much I’ve done so far, is merely a baby-step, compared to what I’ll be doing in the future?”
– “Sure, but only if that’s what you choose. Unless you wish to remain a baby.”
– “And that’s why I shouldn’t turn your words today into a doctrine?”
– “Precisely why. What I told you today is what you needed to hear for today. It’ll be sufficient for today; but tomorrow, you’ll need new words. New ideas. New thoughts.”
– “Why, sir?”
– “Growth happens when we try for it. As you did, when you learned walking. Gains come, as we make ourselves eligible for them. We try for strengths; and they make us suitable for yet more gains. It stays same for individual and society both. There’s an expiry date for ideologies. Times ask for unlearning the old ways and figuring out new ones. It takes effort. The process is never smooth; it has its pitfalls; same as the falls you must’ve bore in your attempts to learn walking. Many fear those falls and cling to doctrines and tradition and rulebooks; turning themselves as obsolete as the words they read mindlessly every day. Doctrines breed insecurity for what’s new and an incompatibility for what could be better.”
– “What if we lose focus of where we need to be?”
– “A straight line connects us with our success; individual and society alike. Trueness will shine upon our actions when we place a third point on that line: the point of origin, where we come from. What our ancestors made sacrifices for. The vision, the will for light, as opposed to darkness. A lion goes through such introspection all the time, to assure a true walk free of traps. But it doesn’t stay locked with any of it; neither the fear of the old, nor the glitter of the present. With slow and steady steps, it moves forward. Be that lion. Stay aware of your origin as well as your destination with mindful sensibility; stay fluid on that line; keep learning and applying what’s new and useful; adapt; evolve; keep moving forward; and we all can live a grand life.”

#doctrines #words #ideology #ism #rules #tradition #rulebook #religion #culture #methodology #mindlessness #mindfulness #change #conscious #unconscious #awareness #betterment #progress #living #lifestyle #thinking #new #different #individualism #rebellion #transformation #revolution #society #social #freedom

The Lake

There were three of them.
One was Trader. Of slaves.
And two were, of course, slaves.
One Silent. One Observant.
The trek was long; sun was strong.
The Trader cursed loudly throughout the trek.
The Silent heard the curses and prayed silently for water.
The Observant observed the flora around.
In the delirium of heat and thirst, they stumbled upon a lake.
Its surface was eerily calm. And yet, there was a sound to it, a constant whoosh…
– “Ah, a lake!” blurted the Trader loudly. “Exactly what we need.”
As he knelt to quench his thirst, a gang of nine bandits suddenly circled the three.
The Trader puffed out his chest.
The Silent shivered with fear.
The Observant grew curious.
– “You’ll pay us,” said the bandit leader.
– “For what?” asked the Trader.
– “For your arrogance,” rasped the bandit. “This is our lake. You didn’t ask our permission to drink from it.”
– “Have mercy,” said the Trader. “We were thirsty.”
– “Mercy? Sure. I’ll show you mercy,” smiled the bandit, “but mercy has a cost, my friend. Nothing’s free in this world.”
– “What cost?” asked the Trader.
– “There lies a precious crystal at the bottom of the lake,” informed the bandit. “But the lake is guarded by supernatural beings. You hear them, don’t you? That’s the whoosh. You must take a dive and bring us that crystal.”
– “Won’t the supernatural creatures attack us?” asked the Trader.
– “Of course! As I said, there’s a cost. Now tell me. Which one of you shall take a dive?”
– “Not me,” said the Trader.
– “I can’t fight demons.” said the Silent.
– “That leaves you, you oddly unafraid man,” said the bandit to the Observant.
– “Sure,” said the Observant. “But there’s a catch.”
– “What catch?”
– “I’m sure you’ve attempted this before. But you lost men in the adventure. The demons inside must be hungry all the time. Which means, we need more than one to take a dive.”
– “Yes.”
– “Besides, the crystal is precious. And we’re all mortal men, greedy and needy. I’m sure your men will try to murder you and each other, hoping to make away with the gem. In fact, the blood-bath will start as soon as I take the dive – why wait, right? Why, this Trader here will be the first one to try that. Even if I’m victorious in my fight with the demons and I come up, I won’t be surprised to find a lone man standing atop a pile of dead-bodies, waiting to finish me off in the end.”
The bandit said nothing, but his eyes hardened.
– “However,” continued the Observant, “that lone man will be bleeding as well, injured in the melee. Won’t get far. So logic dictates that the only chance any of us really has, is if we all take a dive, right here right now – the first one to do so has most chance than the others.”
As soon as he said that, everyone tackled and jostled with each other, diving headlong into the lake, hoping the demons would get the others, hoping it’d be good diversion to rush for the crystal.
A minute later, the Observant came up with the crystal in his hand, the Silent right behind him.
– “Oh, so you made it?” asked the Observant.
– “Something told me staying close to you would save me,” answered the Silent, coughing out water. “How the hell did you manage that? You got the crystal…”
– “Do you hear the whoosh?”
– “Uhh… No,” said the Silent, suddenly aware that the sound was absent now. “Did the demons never come?”
– “How could they, when they never existed in the first place?”
– “Huh?”
– “I observed things before I opened my mouth, my friend. I watched and listened before I talked. The lake. Silent surface. But with a whoosh. That meant water flow in an underground river opening out of the lake, below surface. Anyone dives in, gets pulled in the current, lost forever to the outside world. The Trader being a talker, he never guessed it; but I did. And I saw a chance.”
– “Oh…”
– “All I needed was to clog and close that opening, to cancel the flow. One human body wouldn’t do it. But ten would, if they dive in all at once. Greed and mistrust made sure they did. Nine greedy bandits; one needy Trader. All I had to do was to make sure I’d dive a moment later than the others. Now we’re free and rich. Let’s go home.”

#observation #observant #awareness #attention #mindfulness #curiosity #curious #survival #chance #opportunity #benefit #advantage #profit #greed #loss #winner #win #loser #business #silent #thinking #thoughtful #vigilance #vigilant

Addicted To Positivity!

– “It was so disgusting.”
– “Sure it was.”
– “He was talking through mouthfuls throughout the lunch. It was so rude.”
– “Yes it was.”
– “I lost my appetite.”
– “I didn’t.”
– “Why didn’t you say anything? You used to be the one to get upset big time over such things.”
– “I must’ve grown.”
– “You always say we should respond, not react, to negativity.”
– “Sure I do.”
– “I saw neither reaction nor response from you, today.”
– “Sure I responded.”
– “When? You said nothing to him.”
– “He wasn’t the negativity.”
– “He was the one who had no table manners.”
– “Which was a visual stimulus. Neither good nor bad.”
– “Then where was the negativity?”
– “In our minds. When we saw that stimulus as wrong. It’s us who made it negative.”
– “Oh. And you responded to that negativity?”
– “Sure I did.”
– “How?”
– “I asked my mind, ‘why?’”
– “’Why’?”
– “Yes. It was ME who felt negative. Which means, something in ME made it possible. I asked what it was. I learned that I had an expectation locked in my mind. I needed everyone to have same level of table manners as mine. Except, no-one is in my control. It was a trap I had set for myself. By lack of tolerance for things beyond my control, I had kept the possibility of getting disturbed alive.”
– “Is it wrong to expect table manners?”
– “No. But I learned today it’s not useful to expect nothing less. We assume it’s a closed-loop expectation; but we fail to see the limits of our control over things, making it an open-loop expectation that’s most likely to be failed by others. That’s why it’s a trap. It sabotages our peace.”
– “I see. And what did you do then?”
– “I made a choice.”
– “A choice?”
– “To let go of that trap. To relieve myself. To conquer a weakness I had. To transcend it. To evolve.”
– “But will you be really relieved? What if this happens again?”
– “Then my mind will automatically visit the memory I’ve formed of today’s episode. And I’ll remember the thought I had about it. Sure I’ll remember the negative feel; but I’ll also remember how I beat it. That’s the response I will have for negativity; for most of it is a result of present connected o the past. By choosing to remember how I’ve resolved that past, I’ll rule the present too. I’m addicted to winning over my weaknesses now. I’m addicted to unlocking positivity. That’s what I see negative incidents for now – opportunities to reach new positivity.”

#positive #thinking #negative #feelings #emotion #sentiments #expectations #beliefs #tolerance #patience #differences #reaction #response #introspection #SelfAnalysis #SelfExploring #understanding #awareness #strength #control #SelfControl #peace #relief #life #living #EmotionalManagement #thoughts #transcendence #evolution #growth

“How Could She Do That To Me?” : This Is How.

– “I didn’t expect this from her.”
– “You shouldn’t have expected anything.”
– “How could she do that to me? I trusted her.”
– “Why?”
– “I… don’t know. We kept texting back and forth. She was taking interest in my life. And I liked it. She kept asking all these questions. All personal questions. And I just kept answering. Even the things I wouldn’t tell mom.”
– “Why?”
– “I thought… it’s how we make friends…”
– “Do we?”
– “Don’t we?”
– “Do we make friends AFTER opening up about our private lives? Or is it that we open up about private life AFTER we make friends and see how they respect it?”
– “Of course… it’s the latter… I’m so stupid. But how did I not see it coming? She made everything so public. Now even people I don’t know anything about, know everything about me. I’ve been getting weird calls and texts from strangers, you know… It’s so disgusting. Why did she do that?”
– “Most people have nothing special to offer to their social relations, apart from sensationalism. So they dig that sensationalism out of private affairs of folks like you, so that they can sell it to others as gossip topics and buy acceptance in their social groups. That’s why people love gossip. It keeps the conversation running; it keeps their social life running. They don’t bother to think about morality here; not when their desperation for social acceptance avails no luxuries of ethics. Question is, should we provide our private life as a mine for that sensationalism?”
– “No. I feel like I shouldn’t trust anyone.”
– “And you shouldn’t.”
– “I shouldn’t?”
– “Not in the beginning.”
– “So I should be paranoid?”
– “No, that’s the opposite polarity.”
– “So what’s the mid?”
– “Mid, is about being open to the possibility that you could find intimacy with a person, but VERIFYING that possibility before you actually do.”
– “Oh. And how do I do that?”
– “How do you taste food you’ve never tasted before? Do you heap your plate with it? Or do you take a small bite first?”
– “I take a small bite first.”
– “And then you see how it feels on your lips, how it tastes on your tongue, how it feels when you swallow; and a few more seconds as it settles in your stomach. You wait to see if you find desire or gag reflex.”
– “Yes.”
– “Take social relations in, with those small bites. Expect nothing at first; neither BFFs nor mortal enemies. Keep your eyes and ears open. Feel people. Feel their words. Notice their eyes. Check their body-language. If you know them only on social media, ask for a meet.”
– “Really? A… meet?”
– “If you really want to share private things, you’d want to take those much pains. Opening up on social media about private life is same as whispering in a classroom in dead silence – hell yes, people are going to know what you said. Crying later makes no sense. So get them in front of you, face-to-face.”
– “Oh.”
– “And when you part ways, check your gut-feel, like you do in case of that food. Listen to it. It has something to tell you. Accept it. Make choices accordingly. Remember that we never have the luxuries of wishful thinking. Relations are investments; with possibilities of risks involved. Check, before you go forward.”

#SocailMedia #SocialMediaRisks #SocialMediaAwareness #StrongRelations #HealthyRelations #RelationTalks #PrivacyIssues #TrustIssues #RiskManagement #CommunicationSkills #Thoughts #PrivateLife #DataLeaks #GrapewineControl #Choices #Awareness #SafetyManagement

The Banyan Tree: An Understanding Of Life

– “Teacher, is hard work success or is it luck?”
– “Do you see that banyan tree, my son?”
– “Yes, Teacher.”
– “Do you see the branches?”
– “Yes. What about them?”
– “Each branch nourishes its own leaves. But the branch, in itself, is nourished from the trunk to which it’s attached. The branch cannot decide anything about its connect with the trunk; but it can choose what to do with the leaves.”
– “Yes.”
– “We’re like that branch, each one of us. There are things which are in our control; and then there are things which aren’t. We don’t get to choose the family in which we’d be born. We don’t get to choose the genetics we’d get. Our height. Our siblings. By birth, poverty or riches are heaped upon us without our consent. Others aren’t in our control. Natural calamities and political turmoil aren’t in our control. Wars and riots and floods and earthquakes. Each one of these aspects affects us.”
– “Yes.”
– “But the branch can choose its own progress. We can choose to explore more. We can choose to have new experiences. We can choose to meet new people. And visit new places. And learn. And think about what we learned. We can implement it. See the results. Check the errors. Have new iterations of effort with better precision. Check results again. Go through these cycles repeatedly, until our actions result into desirable fruition. Sure, our origin won’t change; but we’re known for what we do today; doesn’t matter where we come from.”
– “Right. So we’re puppeteer on one level; while being a puppet on another?”
– “Yes. But is there something else you notice about that banyan tree?”
– “Yes, Teacher. As the branches flourish to a significant level, they develop tentacles of their own which reach down to the earth to take roots and form a new tree of their own. To be that master puppeteer for the next iteration of the banyan’s existence.”
– “And that’s what hard-work can do for us. Grow your strengths; add to your skills; become significant; develop versatility; and we can all generate our own ecosystems with our own mechanisms where inputs and outcomes can be controlled to our desire.”
– “Oh.”
– “Remember that when a stream is small, it has to flow as per constraints given by the land. But it moves decisively and progressively ahead; showing tremendous flexibility and will and patience; it adds to its volume as it flows; it grows significant – and gradually it turns into a river that cuts through the land and sets its own constraints. You’re that stream; your life is that land. Let that life teach you how to rule it one day. That’s what you’re here for.”

#luck #destiny #fate #effort #struggle #fight #pains #life #hardwork #hardship #work #results #input #output #origins #poverty #willpower #inspiration #motivation #awareness #thinking #positive #patience #skills #affect #effect #provision #learning #constraints #limits

“I Don’t Look Fat, Do I?”

Why ask?
Why do we need assurances from others?
Why do we need assurances each day anew?
And what exactly is it that we want assured?
Do we really think we don’t have a problem?
Or is it that we know we have a huge one; but we don’t want to face it?
Do we think pretending we don’t have it is the key?
Do we believe that if we can get others to agree to that pretence, we can excuse ourselves from facing that problem?
Do we need them to agree to the lie?
Is that why we ask them each day?
Are we seeking assurance that they’re continuing to play the game with us?
“No honey, you’re good all-around…”
Do we fear we’ll lose our nerve if, one day, they don’t play along?
Is that what happens, that one day when they get tired of this stupid game?
Is that why we put them in guilt-traps for not “caring” enough to lie?
Is that why we throw gigantic tantrums, give them hell, to make sure they won’t do that again?
Who are we really fooling here?
How long we can do this?
That problem, whatever it is, isn’t going to thin out by our ignorance. On the contrary, it’s going to add up. Each day. Fast. That’s what problems do. It’ll add up so much that the lie we make our loved ones rehearse is going to be too pathetic and laughable to cover it. Not that it isn’t laughable now. A pit will open up; a bottomless abyss of depression and self-loathing and regrets.
Let’s wake up.
Let’s stop fooling ourselves.
This stuff needs attention, NOW.
It needs us to get real, NOW.
We still have time. Today. But not enough to say “I’ll start tomorrow” – that’s where we go wrong.
Not next month. Not next Monday.
Get to it, NOW.

#NoRegrets #ActNow #StartNow #HereAndNow #BeginNow #WillPower #ThinkingChange #Problems #Solutions #Transformation #Betterment #EmotionalRelief #Empowerment #MindGames #RelationshipIssues #Focus #NoExcuses

As Strong As The Weakest Link

The King looked concerned.
– “My King,” asked his Adviser,
“What worries you so much?”
The King said, “The Ministry of Defense has sent me a letter. They say the Keeper of Fort Azia is old now. He must be replaced. I wouldn’t rush into it; the man is brilliant. But I cannot refuse the Ministry outright either. What should I do?”
– “A King must do what is rational for his state.”
– “And how shall I know what’s rational?”
– “A test. Invite the Ministry as well as the Keeper tomorrow.”

Next day, the ministers and the Keeper came and bowed to the King.
– “Gentlemen,” said the Adviser, “His Majesty has a question for all of you. My King, May I convey the question on your behalf?”
Everyone looked at the King curiously.
The King nodded.
– “Fort Azia is our greatest and undefeated fort,” said the Adviser; “His Majesty wishes to know your opinions about why it is so.”
– “The great canons of Fort Azia are unmatched in the known world,” said a minister.
– “No, it’s the legendary marksmanship of the archers,” said another.
– “Oh, it’s the great fortified walls,” said yet another.
– “It must be the fearsome mountain on which it’s built…”
They all shared their opinions; except the Keeper.
The Adviser looked at him. “Would you care to share thoughts, sir?”

The Keeper came forward. “There’s a crack in the main gate.”
Everyone stared at him, unsure of where he was going with this.
The man continued, “Its length was same as the width of my little finger, fifty years ago when I inspected it as an intern. Today, it equals the width of my thumb.”
– “Excuse me, sir, but is this a joke?” barked a minister; “We’re discussing strengths, not weaknesses.”
The Keeper continued speaking as if the man didn’t even exist.
– “The only guard in the castle with interest in gambling, used to gamble 10 klats a day twenty years ago. He gambles the same today; irrespective of wins and losses. And the one with the smallest wage maintains a Spartan life.”
– “What nonsense is this?” barked another minister.
The King raised a finger, silencing him; encouraging the Keeper.
– “The waist-size of everyone in the Kitchen was thirty to thirty-two inches a decade ago. It hasn’t increased much since then. But their skins look richer, as years go.”
– “Pardon me, sir; but why any of that matters?” the Adviser asked.

The Keeper took a deep breath. “A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Fort Azia’s strength lies, not in its canons and archers and walls; but in these aspects I just mentioned.”
– How so?”
– “A castle can be defeated by three ways:
– One: Direct attack. A try at taking the walls down. That crack in the gate I mentioned, is the smallest; but from engineering’s point of view, it’s the biggest threat. But it doesn’t worry me; for its growth is slow and I’ll replace the gate soon anyway.
– Two: Treachery. Enemies may try to buy the guards. But only the greedy and the needy can be bought. I’ve made sure we have neither.
– Three: Poison. Which can be mixed in the food by buying one of the cooks. Again, it’s about the greedy and needy; which I know for sure we don’t have in the kitchen.
… And that’s why, my King, Fort Azia is undefeated. And it’ll remain so, so long as we’re aware of its smallest weakness and ready to replace it should the need arise.”

No minister had anything to say over that; one of them silently requested the King to burn the letter. Fort Azia did remain undefeated, at least till the Keeper was in rule.

#strength #weakness #win #winner #loss #defeat #failure #growth #development #progress #success #undefeated #undisputed #fortification #defense #power #attack #strong #attention #caution #alert #alertness #focus #dedication #threat #danger #wisdom #conscious

Forgiveness: Luxury Of Virtues V/S Costs of Survival

– “Teacher, I don’t understand where I went wrong.”
– “Surely it means you misjudged where you’ll be right.”
– “I used to believe we should forgive our enemies.”
– “And now?”
– “Now I’m not so sure.”
– “Who was this recipient of your mercy?”
– “That boy from the other clan. The one who stole our groceries. The one who claimed he was too hungry.”
– “For which, you forgave him?”
– “At the cost of earning disapproval from others in my clan. Which turned to resentment when he stole from us again; double this time. Making me look like a fool. That’s got me thinking. Should we never show mercy?”
– “To a hurt dog? Sure. To a cobra you notice in your poultry-farm? Sure, if you’re immune to its venom. Question is, are you?”
– “I don’t understand.”
– “A man owned a poultry-farm. One afternoon he heard disturbance from the chicken. As he rushed to the farm, he noticed a stray dog with one of his hens in its jaws. He beat the dog; freed the bird. The dog said, ‘forgive me, sir; but I’m hungry since four days. Stealing from you was last option for me.’ The man took mercy to the poor creature; took him home; fed him. The dog being a dog, he remembered the generosity; became the man’s best friend; helped guard the house. A cobra saw all this.”
– “And then?”
– “Once more, the man heard a disturbance from the farm; rushed to it; saw the cobra trying for game. Soon as the man came, the cobra said, ‘forgive me, sir; but I’m hungry since four days. Stealing from you was last option for me.’ The man took mercy; took a chicken out of the cage; came close to the serpent to feed it. The cobra paid no attention to the bird; but it bit the man. The man collapsed, shocked and poisoned.”
– “But why would the cobra do that? The man was going to feed it.”
– “One chicken. Whereas there were hundreds of them in the cage. Which it could access, now that the man was out of the picture.”
– “Oh…”
– “The man got lost in his own pattern of forgiveness; forgot to check WHO he was offering it to. A dog would respect trust. A cobra would see opportunity. People have traits of all animals. It must be preceded by an understanding of which mind is which animal. Check the eyes; check the soul. And remember, even a dog will go rabid if circumstances change; and beak that trust. Forgiveness is a virtue; but luxuries of virtues may have costs. Survival demands those costs must be checked beforehand; else we pay double. Forgive people if you must; but listen to the possibilities of consequences with your ears; and watch the actuality of those possibilities with your eyes. That’s wisdom of survival in the luxuries of generosity.”

#forgiveness #apology #mercy #truth #response #reaction #consequences #awareness #life #survival #attention #crime #luxuries #generous #virtue #offering #understanding #alert #caution #mind #thinking #realism #realistic #pragmatic #advantage #manipulation #victim #victimization #criminal #opportunist

Comfort Zones: Zones Of Familiar Discomforts

– “I want success.”
– “Go get it.”
– “But it asks change in me.”
– “Go have it.”
– “I can’t.”
– “Is that your choice?”
– “It’s not my choice. It’s my limit.”
– “Defined by whom?”
– “My comfort zones. I want to step out of them. I can’t.”
– “Why not?”
– “Because… they’re comfortable.”
– “Are they?”
– “Meaning?”
– “Are comfort zones really comfortable?”
– “Aren’t they?”
– “What kind of people are you living with?”
– “Failures, glorifying their fails, hating winners, telling me to do the same.”
– “What kind of a place you’re living in?”
– “Small. With leakages and shortages and mortgages.”
– “How are the facilities at your work-place?”
– “Insufficient and old and worn-out.”
– “Is it comfortable to listen to those people? Is it comfortable to live in the damp, spending entire nights coughing? Is it comfortable to hear the management excuse the lack of provision of facilities, telling you to see it as a challenge, typical corporate bullshit? Or does it corrode your soul and poison your spirit?”
– “It’s killing me. And yet…”
– “And yet you don’t step out.”
– “Does that mean I love the negativity?”
– “It’s more about that you fear the positivity.”
– “Why do I do that?”
– “Simple. It’s unknown. You don’t know what it’s going to be like; you’ve never stepped out; never been at it. Not really. Nature programs us to fear the unknown. We stick to what’s familiar; and that’s how negativity dupes us. Comfort zones are never really comfortable; it’s just that they provide familiar discomforts. Being in it for long, we learn to adjust with them. It gives us a routine; we adjust to routine. We see we’re managing somehow; we forget that being OK isn’t same as being happy. We get blinded to the truth.”
– “So what do I need to do?”
– “It’s a simple understanding. You have two choices. You can opt to step out and be uncomfortable; you can opt to stay in and still be uncomfortable.”
– “What kind of choice is that?”
– “The first promises transcendence of discomforts. The second promises their permanence. Now you tell me. If discomfort is going to be there either way, why not get something useful out of it? Only difference between winners and losers is that winners stay aware that the present is NOT comfortable; they use it as inspiration to work on it. You’re either a winner; or you’re an idiot who doesn’t see the truth. There’s no third guy. So, which one are you?”

#success #growth #goals #failure #winner #progress #inspiration #motivation #ambition #aspiration #fight #struggle #ComfortZones #FamiliarDiscomforts #loser #awareness #sacrifices #TruthOfLife #achievement #accomplishment #MillionairesThinking #ThinkBig #WinningSpirit

An Understanding Of Bullyism

– “Teacher, I have a request.”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “I wish to learn what the other clan learns.”
– “And what is it?”
– “They know how to fight.”
– “Do you not know the same?”
– “Well, it’s different.”
– “How so?”
– “They are… tougher. Than us.”
– “Can they withstand more pain than you?”
– “They can deliver more pain than us.”
– “I repeat. Can they withstand more pain than you?”
– “I don’t know.”
– “So it’s doubtful whether they’re tougher than you, yes?”
– “Huh?”
– “Why steel is tougher than wood, son?”
– “Because steel can withstand more stress than wood… Oh.”
– “Have you seen them under pain?”
– “No, Teacher.”
– “So, as I said, their toughness is yet to be checked.”
– “Maybe; but as I said, they can deliver more pain.”
– “Oh, poor souls.”
– “Teacher, with all due respect, I wouldn’t say that about them.”
– “We’ve already ruled out that they’re tougher; what else do you say about them?”
– “Sir, they bully us all the time. Initially, I thought they were mean and arrogant. I felt resentful. But feeling like that got me nowhere; the pain only worsened. And I realized that despite of what you teach us, we cannot fight back. The sheer irrationality of their behavior actually works in favor to them. I feel their lack of moral code is an evolutionary benefit to them. They really seem so powerful. In the end, it’s the simple math of power. I think, if I can’t beat them, I should be with them. It beats being at the receiving end of pain all the time.”
– “Oh, you poor soul.”
– “Sir, pardon me, but… I think you need to reassess.”
– “Do you see that lead pencil?”
– “Yes. Why?”
– “Hit your hand with the business end of that pencil.”
– “Why the hell would I do that? It’ll stab me; draw blood.”
– “Oh, I’m such an old fool. Let’s give you something else then – hmm, that steel block, there. Slap your hand with it. Go on. One, two, three… Ahh, great! How did it feel?”
– “It stings.”
– “But it didn’t stab, huh?”
– “No… It was just a dumb block with flat surface. It wouldn’t part flesh.”
– “But the sharpened lead would, huh?”
– “Of course. What’s your point?”
– “So the lead packs more power than the steel?”
– “In this case, hell yes it does.”
– “Oh good. Now, hit the pencil on the steel. What happened?”
– “The lead snapped.”
– “As those boys in the other clan would too, one day.”
– “But this was lead, sir. If the pencil had steel in it, then…”
– “It’d still be a wire of steel; and the thick block would bend or break it too.”
– “How does all this relate to my point?”
– “My son, those boys are like that pencil. They know how to deliver pain; and that makes them feel powerful. But that’s a symptom of a disease; not virtue of a strength.”
– “What disease?”
– “Antisocial Personality Disorder. It turns the mind into a pencil of lead. It stabs; but it can withstand no stress itself. It snaps. Except, that awareness leaves the mind; making the disease all the more serious. Unlike flu or colds, the person doesn’t know that he or she is ill. It makes a snap all the more possible; for one never knows if one is hitting wood or steel.”
– “I see my mistake now. But how do I defend myself from them? In contests, I can take any of them out. But I don’t know what happens to me when they come at me, out in the real world with no rules.”
– “What happens is that you make the same mistake they do. You don’t see the disease. You let the arrogance in their words, smirks on their faces, and their hormonal outbursts fool you. Martial Arts will show you how to use their own kinetic energy and momentum against them to defend yourself, and you must learn it; but that’s on physical level. On mental level, you need to remember: To cause pain isn’t an ability. It’s a disability.”
– “Oh.”
– “It’s that awareness which will keep fear out of your mind and discipline your moves accordingly. Remember that it’s not about destroying them; it’s about healing them. Truth shall heal them. Use your skills to show them that their feel of power is virtual; that they are as vulnerable as everyone else; that their violence can be more harmful to themselves rather than others. That revelation of truth will force them to walk out of their delusions. Be that block of steel, my son. It has flat surfaces as well as blunt edges. Defense and offense. Consciously using the right thing at the right time is how we deal with life.”

#bully #bullying #bullyism #abuse #pain #empowerment #defense #self_defense #parenting #child_care #schooling #life #toughness #Antosocial #Personality_Disorder #approach #self_help #awareness

Sand? Or Stone?

– “I’m about to collapse.”
– “Is that your choice?”
– “How can that be a choice? No-one loves to fail.”
– “Well, if you have energy enough to talk about it, then you have energy enough to work on it. Since you’re not applying that energy, it means you’ve chosen to let things defeat you.”
– “I want to defeat my challenges.”
– “Then you have to make them insignificant.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Is a strike of a sword significant to a human neck?”
– “Sure; one strike can behead you.”
– “But is it significant to a castle?”
– “No. Steel on stone makes no difference.”
– “You need to be that castle.”
– “How?”
– “When I say ‘castle’, what comes to your mind?”
– “A giant castle, with fortifications and artillery posts.”
– “Have you ever made a castle?”
– “Yes. On the beach. From sand.”
– “Exactly. That’s our problem. We spend our lives longing for castles made of stone; but we waste that life making castles of sand. It’s a metaphor for our character.”
– “An apt one; but how can I turn sand to stone? Isn’t it the other way around?”
– “Yes it is, and you can’t turn sand to stone. What you can do, instead, is to get new stones. That’s the first understanding you need to have. You have to agree to be better; which means you have to agree to let go of what’s useless in you and affirm to get what’s useful.”
– “I agree; but I keep thinking negative.”
– “Actions are words, actualized. Words are thoughts, verbalized. Thoughts are echoes of past, recalled. You fail, for you recall past defeats; you superimpose them on present. Your words speak of those defeats; your actions take you to them. We can’t forget our past; if you try, it’ll chase you all the more.”
– “Yes. Past is a pain.”
– “But we can use that past; choose what part of it to remember. There was stone in your past; but your memory turns it to sand at present. What you need, is to remember that stone.”
– “What stone?”
– “There must be at least a few wins in your past. However trivial they might be; they’re there. They’re yours. Remember them. Be with those wins. That’s the stone. It’ll give you thoughts in the form of re-imagination of those wins. Thoughts attract other thoughts of same spirit. Winning. Success. Achievements. Ambitions. Verbalize those thoughts in your words. Put words to those wins. It generates feelings. Feel inputs of that new emotional energy; apply it in action. Your actions will get a better quality as your feelings for success get stronger. Go through this cycle of thought and word and feeling and action repeatedly. Positivity is an organism, same as negativity; it’s a choice to feed which one you want.”
– “What if negativity resurfaces?”
– “The solidity of action cancels that possibility at core neurological level. That’s why I never use the words ‘positive thinking’; I say ‘positive living’. It’s the actions that matters; no matter how trivial a win it gets us in the beginning. You’ll realize you have more stones than you thought. You’ll realize they’re building new castles with new fortifications for you. New abilities. New skills. New approach and attitude. Gradually, the challenges of life will be insignificant to you; you’ll be bigger, stronger, greater than them. That’s how you defeat them; that’s how you defeat anything. Get stones.”

#success #win #winner #inspiration #motivation #ambition #aspiration #dreams #goals #objective #growth #progress #betterment #improvement #struggle #challenges #fight #effort #focus #dedication #transformation #personality #character #attitude #approach #positive #thinking #action #achievement #gains

“You’re That Sweetness.”

Dear,

Mom isn’t feeling well. I’m afraid what happened to dad is happening to her too. The doctors say the chances are dim. I’m struggling for words; but there’s no softer way to state the reality. She is dying. I guess that’s the last thing we’re yet to learn from our parents. The inevitability of an end. It’s cold and hard. It’s hitting me as much as it’s hitting you. There’s a lot I want to do; but there’s nothing I can. Nothing, apart from conveying a message I read in mom’s eyes today morning.
I feel it’s important. Perhaps, the most important, ever.

I was crying profusely today, next to her bed. I took her frail hand in mine, and said, “Mom, dad left us and now you’re leaving too. And the last of the sweetness will leave the two of us.” I didn’t want to say it; I thought I was stronger than that. Turns out I wasn’t. But then mom surprised me. Caressing my hand, she looked at me the same way she used to, back when we were kids, when she wanted us to guess the easy answer of a puzzle. I leaned closer, and she said, “You’re that sweetness.” And then she nodded; and went to sleep.

I think there’s a deep and huge meaning in those words.
Remember our biggest fear in childhood? We both shared it. We always used to worry what would happen to us when mom and dad weren’t there anymore. There’s something about it I’ve learned now.

Remember that day when it was raining outside, mom and dad hadn’t come home, and a dog came to us? She had a couple of puppies with her; all of them were scared and wet and hungry. She kept stroking the door; wanted to find shelter. We brought them in; but we had no idea what to do; how to feed them.

There was no spare food at home; we had no idea how to cook. All we had was our evening meals mom had prepared for the two of us, in the fridge. So we decided to keep only one dish to ourselves; heated up the other; and gave it to the poor animals. Our bellies remained half-empty that day; but we were happy – for the dogs were. They kept licking us and we kept hugging them. We knew we had done something good. When mom and dad came home, they saw what we had done; and they hugged us with love; marveling at how we had developed such maturity – we were, what, seven?

It was much later, when it was time for our college, that I figured out from where we got that inspiration that day. It was around that time I had realized that dad was wearing the same clothes for the last five years; mom hadn’t bought new footwear in a long time. They were both saving for our education; and I realized they must’ve been at it since we were born. But this learning mustn’t have been new. At an acute unconscious level, our childhood minds must’ve been imprinted with their sacrifices – that’s why we were inspired to share food with those dogs that day.

I’m realizing a different significance of all that today. We were scared that the sweetness our parents offered to us would be lost once they were gone; but if we’re sensitive enough, that sweetness seeps in us. And if we’re alert enough, we can bring that sweetness out in the open. It’s not just their goodness; it’s their strength and thoughtfulness and resilience and commitment and dedication and vision and resourcefulness – it’s everything we’ve seen in them; everything that makes us love our parents as uniquely good people. We ARE that sweetness, dear; and we can BE that sweetness by being conscious about it in thought and action.

We can choose to learn the skills they have; be as capable as they are. Perhaps we’re a bit late; but we can start now. And those who’re reading this should too, when they still have time left with their parents. We can add to it; make it better; more potent. I guess that’s what being a ‘generation of humans’ means. We’re born and we grow up and we die; but we compose something positive and we pass on that positivity to our next generation. As children of our parents, we accept that positivity; enhance it; and pass it on further. I think that’s what life means; I think it’s how it flourishes. Sure our parents will die; but they can live on through us. And when we say we love them, let’s BE that love, let’s acknowledge it by putting it forward through our personal, professional and social lives. Sure it’s painful when they pass away; but we do not have to be afraid of that inevitability. They’ve always said to us, “I’m there for you.” By augmenting ourselves with their good essence, we can rightfully tell them when they pass away, “You’re here with me.”

Let’s be that sweetness.

#ContemplatingDeath #LovingParents #ILoveMyParents #feelings #emotion #thinking #thought #thoughtfulness #love #learning #responsibility #generations #BeingHuman #sweetness #life #living #GriefManagement

Not A Straight Line, But A Bit Of Curve…

“माना की थोड़ा टेढा है…!
पर जैसा है वैसा वो मेरा है !!”
(“Sure, not a straight line but a bit of curve…
But however my partner is, it’s my love…!”)
– Someone Who Understands Relationship

A relationship is never a smooth ride.
But it’s what we accept to make the ride of life smooth.
It’s not all rainbows and sunshine.
It has its own challenges.
And they’re educational.
Provided we’re alert enough.
A relationship doesn’t make life easy.
But it teaches us how to deal with life’s difficulties.
It’s a course in managing life.
Being together is never easy; but it tells us, “Try. Try anew. Each moment.”
For that’s what life asks.
There are tons of weaknesses we have that don’t match with our partner’s strengths.
And reverse is true too.
But in the end,
It’s not about separating out strengths and weaknesses.
It’s about being together, without fear of what doesn’t match; but respecting what does.
It’s about ccepting each other as we are.
And being there for each other, unconditionally, when life mocks our partner’s weaknesses and challenges our patience about those weaknesses, standing tall and firm.
Hand in hand.
Fighting shoulder to shoulder.
Life is in building the strength of that partnership, where we reach a level when even a single eye-contact covers a page-long dialogue.

Happy Dipawali Padwa.

#diwali #dipawali #DipawaliPadwa #DiwaliMemories #HappyDiwali #FestivalOfLights #Relationship #Love #MyLove #BeingTogether

Moral Police: A Failed Identity

Out there on the street,
Hidden in dark corners in houses,
Obvious in bloodshot eyes,
Shrieking in exploited souls,
There lies an inhuman will to cause pain to free souls. Set limits. Hurt. Exploit. And justify it as “moral policing”.
A will born out of a need to camouflage.
Camouflage identities that could never free themselves. Oh yes, it’s jealousy.
Identities that were only borrowed or given; but never earned.
Never processed, never understood.
Identities that need to cling madly to obsolete traditions; for that’s what you do when you have no ability to think and adapt to the new.
Identities that have been failures.
Parents who have no idea how to provide secure parenting.
Teachers who conveniently mistake fear for respect.
Politicians who have no plans for development.
Spouses who got married solely to legitimize abuse.
Identities that are compulsively projected with demands of obedience, insecurity disguised as aggression, lest anyone see the failure.
Identities that title themselves as “moral police”, to assure continuation of immoral traditions and inhuman conditions of life.
Break through that camouflage.
Don’t let it fool you.
Drag that failure out in the open.
Let it face the heat of sun; let it burn.
Let no-one set limit to the expression of what’s natural, what’s rational, what’s reasonable.

#NoMoralPolicing #NoBullyism #Identity #BeReal #CulturePollution #ism #religion #tradition #society #social #awareness #StayTrue #FightBack #offensive #bold #RealWords #Sensationalism #liberal #feminism #modernism #policing

Don’t Let Them Choose Your Pains For You.

– “Is it true that we can’t be good and happy at the same time?”
– “Depends on your definition of being good.”
– “For me, it’s about doing the right thing.”
– “Then it depends on your definition of what’s right.”
– “I… I don’t have a definition.”
– “Then how do you know what’s right?”
– “Others tell me.”
– “How do you know they know what’s right?”
– “They’re close to me. My parents. My superiors. My best friends.”
– “So they know what’s right for you?”
– “I… I’ve always assumed they would. Even now, a person who’s important to me is telling me to do something I don’t want to. I can see it’ll bring me pain. But she says I should make my peace with that pain.”
– “Why?”
– “She says it’ll all turn out well in the end.”
– “Do you know WHAT that outcome will be? Is it designed? Is it quantifiable and tangible? Is it an assured destination at the end of a specific path?”
– “No. It’s all vague. Just a foggy assumption of a wishful thinking, I feel.”
– “What will happen if you say no?”
– “Her heart will break.”
– “To avoid which, she wants you to break yours? Are you sure this person SHOULD be important to you?”
– “She’s really close to me.”
– “A frog was really close to a fish. The frog declared one day that the fish should come out of the pond and spend some time on the dry grounds. ‘It’ll be painful,’ said the fish. ‘It’ll be useful,’ said the frog, ‘All will turn out well in the end.’ The fish agreed. And dried itself to death. Being close with the frog didn’t turn out useful to it. Do you know why?”
– “The frog looked at the fish from its own perspective. Didn’t take into account differences in frogs and fish.”
– “Precisely. There are countless pairs of the frog and the fish in human lives. Mothers, telling their daughters to marry totally mismatched candidates. Fathers, telling their sons to pursue totally mismatching careers. Supposed mentors, telling their pupils to make sacrifices in the name of necessary evil. Greater good and big picture.”
– “Yes, I can relate.”
– “The frog at least had a perspective. Its own. In our case, there are even those frogs who have no perspectives. They have just ‘vague assumptions of wishful thinking’, as you put it. Uncalculated risks they want you to take, for they’re curious to see how it turns out but they’re too chicken to take those risks on their own. Then there are those who want you to finish what they couldn’t; and they’ve convinced themselves their goal is noble enough to be OK to take you for granted. It never is. Then there are unprocessed notions of family honor and glory. And the occasional adventurism that says ‘the harder the better’. So called good-thoughts and idealism that have never been assesed with tests of reality.”
– “Yes, but the way she talks, I feel like it’s my mistake that I doubt her.”
– “Frogs know how to talk to the fish. Maybe she is right; maybe she isn’t. That’s irrelevant, really. The real question is, does the fish have self-talk? The fish needs to be firm and self-assured. The fish needs constants, not variables of others’ perspectives. Realistic self-assessment provides that constant. Have it. Introspect. Stay true to your gut instinct. Don’t invalidate your inner voice. Stay true to yourself. If the frog’s heart breaks, so be it. You weren’t placed on this planet to keep everyone’s hearts intact at the expense of yours. Learn to say no. Boldly refuse what feels unhealthy; but also walk true to the line that connects to what feels right. You need both of that.”

#SayNo #StayFirm #BeStrong #GetPerspective #StayTrue #SelfAssessment #TakenForGranted #MyPain #MyChoice #victim #caring #love #pain #sacrifices #loss #goals #manipulation #SelfHelp #SelfEmpowerment

Love: Too Busy Is Too Lazy.

Are we?
Are we too lazy to give love?
Why? We aren’t that lazy when getting love.
We show up in time for it.
We dress up for it.
We smile nicely and prioritize it.
So it’s in the gains, yeah?
It’s about profit, huh?
We think we have nothing to gain from giving love?
But why would we reap what we never sowed?
Why would we get love if we never give love?
What’s the plan, wait for someone’s mercy?
Or are we satisfied with the occasional surprises of love we get from others?
If we are, then fine.
Ain’t no law against it.
But if we aren’t, then it’s time to work on it, dear.
It’s fine if you see it as investment; it’s fine if being unconditional about it doesn’t suit you; hey – you aren’t a saint. But beware – we have no right to complain later if we never invested in the first place.
Be selfish about it if you want; ask for love if you must; but stay damn true to that want and stay damn true to the fact that it has to be given first.
Oh, you did, you say? You made the offering and got no reciprocation?
Well then do what farmers do.
They don’t toss seeds around randomly; they choose the right land for the seed.
The point is, we have to be vigilant and attentive.
And we have to get both feet in it.
We can’t treat love as an afterthought.
Not if we don’t want ourselves to be reduced to an afterthought.

#GiveLove #BeLove #ThinkingLove #EffortToLove #DareToLove

The River And The Bank

– “I’ve planned to mail my resignation today.”
– “What’s the plan?”
– “Business.”
– “Good. Why the change of heart?”
– “I’m bored with all the corporate BS. I’m done being a cog in the machinery. I’m done taking orders from others. And this “team-work” crap doesn’t suit me. I have speed; others don’t. I hate waiting for others to catch up with me.”
– “That explains ‘why not’. I was asking about the ‘why’ part.”
– “Meaning?”
– “You just told me why you want to stop being an employee. Which is fine; except it’s past. I think what’s more important is, why do you wish to be an employer? That’s the future and you need to know why, when you step into it.”
– “Well… Basically to avoid all that I just said. Simple.”
– “That’s escape from one reality. Do we know what’s waiting for us in the other?”
– “Are you saying I shouldn’t go for self-employment?”
– “I’m saying you should know why. And avoidance of old isn’t the answer. Acceptance of new is; except you need to know what it is you’re about to accept.”
– “What it is I’m about to accept?”
– “You hate teams. Is your business going to be one-man-show? Or would you still need a team? You hate taking orders; you hate working with others to carry out those orders; but do you have leadership skills that can make others carry out YOUR orders? You hate following others’ decisions; can you make yours on your own? You hate actualizing others’ vision; do you have a plan of actualizing your own?”
– “I confess I haven’t thought that deep.”
– “My friend, life is a consequence of what we know in us and what we don’t. It’s a flow, a river. Its flow is fueled by the known part. But it has a bank, a boundary, defined by portions in us we’re blind about. It defines how the flow goes; where it bends; where it narrows; where it grows shallow and deep. A straight line connects us to our success. But these deviations take us off that line. That’s how we’re kept from executing our full potential. That’s how we meet defeat and loss and misery.”
– “How?”
– “I’ve observed that one meets his fate on the same path he takes to avoid it. Unconsciously, we know that we have an unknown part in us. We fear it; we try to avoid it. We think we’re escaping from one misery; we meet its mirrored twin on the same escape route. Same as you’d meet your familiar frustration with team-work in job if you try to lead a team now in your business.”
– “But how can I know myself fully? How can I bring the unconscious part to my conscious awareness?””
– “The choice of the escape route is data, my friend. It informs us of what we’re trying to avoid; what we wish to remain unconscious. Success is same as knowing yourself; and it’s in facing fear of the unknown. It’s in putting yourself in that uncomfortable zone and being student of that pain as it hits you repeatedly. It’s in processing why and how. It’s in making observations of how pain hits you and taking mental notes. It’s in implementing conclusions of yesterday’s events today; and seeing you’ve miscalculated; and going back at it; checking the margins of error for each new iteration. Be methodic; and those margins will shorten each day. Be relentless in failures; until there’s no error and there’s no pain. That’s when you’ve transcended your weakness; that’s when you’ve brought yourself to full awareness; that’s when you’ve won.”

#BeConscious #WinNow #SuccessMantra #FaceTheFear #KnowYouself #WeakToStrong

Chosen Pains

What separates a Winner from “Most People”?

Both have limits.
“Most People” agree to live within those limits.
Winners choose to step out of those boundaries.
And test how they function in the unknown territory.

Both face pains.
“Most People agree to live with known pains.
Familiar discomforts of comfort zones.
Winners step out and face unknown pains.
Unfamiliar discomforts inspiring evolution.

Both face difficulties.
“Most People” make their peace with difficulties of a life defined by their limits.
Winners select what’s outside.
Where larger problems avail possibilities of better growth.
Where bigger tasks avail possibilities of developing greater skills.
Where stakes are high; and so are chances of achievements.

Both have choices.
“Most People” choose not to make those choices.
Winners choose to win and stick to that choice, no matter what.
Knowingly selecting what’s new.
Knowingly choosing the pains.
Knowingly facing unknown situations.
Getting results and applying observations.
Getting better, stronger, more efficient.
Winners win, by knowingly choosing failure until they win.

#success #win #winner #growth #development #progress #betterment #advancement #achievement #accomplishment #fulfillment #effort #struggle #fight #choice #inspiration #motivation #dedication #pains #ComfortZones #experience #difficult #problem #situation #unknown #loser #failure #strength #empowerment #evolution

Tolerances & Sacrifices: Keep It Real

– “I have a task. But there’s a problem.”
– “What?”
– “No provisions. They expect results; but they avail no support.”
– “Sweet. A soldier with a gun in hand but no food in his canteen.”
– “Exactly. I’m being taken for granted.”
– “Why the passive voice of grammar?”
– “I mean, they take me for granted.”
– “Again, why the focus is on them?”
– “You mean, I’m letting them?”
– “You sleep without ointment on your skin; mosquitoes bite.”
– “But why do they do that to me?”
– “Because it’s easy. And profiting. People like that combination.”
– “What’s easy?”
– “Your tolerance had a limit, previously. Then they urged you to stretch it a bit. Sheepish grins on face. Just the right proportion. To convey, ‘It’s an innocent lapse on our part.’ You gave in; and you got a pat on your back.”
– “And then they did it again.”
– “Yes. Because they saw, all it costs them is a pat on your back. That’s the easy part.”
– “And what’s the profit?”
– “You kept on stretching your limits. Like a goddamn chewing gum. They saw they had a long opportunity to spend less and earn more out of it. Pats on your back cost nothing to them. They’re practically getting rewarded for their lapses in responsibility. That’s the profit.”
– “But it’s so wrong.”
– “Sweetheart, focus on what made it possible.”
– “What?”
– “You like the pats.”
– “Oh… You mean, I crave for their appreciation?”
– “Of course. You’re a great sucker for pleasing people.”
– “But I feel I shouldn’t be rigid. I think it’s my duty to be tolerant.”
– “For? The big picture? Greater good? Cumulative good of all? Necessary sacrifice? Needed evil for a better future?”
– “Umm… yes…?”
– “Do you know that the bastards who profit out of your pain are the same who coined these bullshit terms? Do you realize you’re letting people, who have abso-freaking-lutely no idea what any of that means, define those same terms?”
– “Oh…”
– “Do you know how wars happen, sweetheart? They happen for profit. Maybe minerals. Maybe business out of weapons development. Some politician somewhere gathers around a bunch of generals and figures out how to make it happen. But they need soldiers to fight their dirty wars. And profiteers can’t afford spending much on soldiers – they’re expendable assets and you don’t care they’ll need good boots in winter. And then, it’s essential that the poor souls never figure out the truth of why they’re told to go fight a war. So you need a camouflage for your dirty truth. A bullshit. A good one. A sufficient one. Something that promises they won’t try and figure out the truth. That’s where the philosophies come out. Greater good and duty and honor. ‘So what you have no boots? A soldier feels no pain.’ Yeah. People like you are always suckers for tolerances and sacrifices; because you want someone else to tell you you’re good. You can’t tell yourself that. You think it’s noble; it ain’t. It’s how they dupe you. Stop it. Stop giving in. Be firm. Sure, they’ll whine and cry; but in the end they need you. Let them know it.”
– “But I can be replaced…”
– “That’s what they told you? Well, if you’re so good at what you do, you really think you’re replaceable? Know your worth first, my friend, before expecting others to know it. I repeat – be firm.”

#corporate #business #TakenForGranted #jobs #employee #employer #boss #harassment #abuse #responsibility #duty #honor #sacrifices #tolerance #worth #SelfRespect #SelfHelp #appreciation #approval #awareness #rights #deception #manipulation #soldier #war

A Shoutful Of Caring

– “I get angry, only because I care.”
Sure.
You would feel nothing, if you didn’t care.
– “But why can’t they see it?”
That’s because that’s not what we show.
They basically get the message: ‘You know nothing, John Snow.’
It’s not always sweet.
Mostly, it’s damn irritating.
And we’re packing it all in tons of shouting and screaming.
Noise deafens the logic.
– “But there are reasons why I get angry.”
Sure there are. This isn’t the first time.
You tried it nicely first. With sweet words.
And they said ‘yes’. In sweet words.
Except that was it. They never brought it into action.
So you had a talk again. And again.
Each time, the same inaction.
And that was so damn irritating, to you.
Agreed.
– “I understand I get panicked. That’s why I raise my voice. But it’s only natural.”
Sure it is. Except, can we afford the disturbance to mind, and the relation?
– “No. I’m breaking down. Even my shouting is falling on deaf ears now. What should I do?”
Well, let’s first agree that this isn’t working.
So let’s introspect.
Let’s check if we’re all playing a game here.
Let’s check who’s playing what role.
Are you the hero who, despite of all the shouting and screaming, does all the work in the end to protect your loved ones from their own weaknesses? If you are, then don’t be surprised if they do nothing – they know you’ll finally give up and take care of it on your own in the end; why would they do anything?
– “But it’ll only hurt them…”
Exactly; which will inspire them to actually do the things you always tell them to do. Inspiration beats motivation all the time. A little bit of pain is useful, sometimes. It disciplines people. Growth happens when it’s made absolutely necessary.
– “Hah… they’re too stupid to understand it on their own.”
Invalidation. Hmm. Does it make most of what you scream at them? Why? Control issues? What’s the role? ‘The rescuer’? What are you rescuing them from? Their own weakness? What’s the pay-off? You want to certify yourself ‘I’m the superior intelligence who humbly agreed to save these ignorant creatures from themselves’?
– “No… No… I don’t know… But wait… I don’t think that’s the game we’re playing…”
OK, then what?
– “Actually, they do what I tell them to; but… they don’t do it immediately.”
And that sends you into panic mode, huh?
Well, now, of course they’d do it only when their own brains tell them ‘it’s time’.
– “But why wait till last moment? Wouldn’t it be useful to be prepared in advance?”
Sure; but some rockets don’t fly unless their rear is on fire.
It’s their nature.
– “So what? Their lethargy hurts me.”
Oh, so that’s the game?
You know they’ll do it late; logic says you shouldn’t link your things with theirs if you don’t want to be hurt. And yet you’ve kept yourself at a vulnerable position in this mechanism, keeping the possibility of getting hurt alive. Hmm. What’s the pay-off? Is it that, unconsciously, you want the chance to say later, ‘I care for everyone; but nobody cares for me’?
Dear, games are plenty. Just a few are listed here.
The one fact that remains constant is, you’ve developed a pattern of getting disturbed over the same things again and again. And you’re arranging your dialogue in such ways that you’ll get full scope to say ‘I spoke out of care’ and they’ll get full scope to say ‘no caring, just shouting’.
What are you two getting out of it? Find out. And relieve yourself.

#care #caring #dialogue #communication #argument #fight #family #parenting #married #life #voice #emotion #thinking #thought #feelings #hurt #pain #anger #irritation #frustration #misunderstanding #miscommunication #talks #speech #games #patterns #TransactionalAnalysis

Elephants And Cannoneers

– “Guru, why can’t I find success?”
– “Success needs two actions.”
– “Which are?”
– “Removing weaknesses. Adding strengths.”
– “I have added lots of strengths.”
– “But have you removed weaknesses?”
– “Why do I need to? Addition of strengths automatically removes weaknesses.”
– “Is it so?”
– “I believe so.”
– “Tell me. What’s happening at our borders?”
– “War. A bloody one.”
– “Hmm. And how long has it been now?”
– “My father is in army. He says it’s been going on since before I was born.”
– “Are we losing?”
– “No. But we aren’t particularly winning either.”
– “Why do you think that is?”
– “Pardon me for bold words, Guru; but I see our king as quite naive.”
– “And where does he fall short, dear?”
– “He recently bought thousands of war elephants from a trader. Mighty beasts, sure. They add great strength. But our border lands are all hills and rocks. What good are those big clumsy beasts in those treacherous hills? Our enemy has cannoneers stationed on the hilltops. The slow and big beasts present convenient targets to them. They get blasted to ribbons even before they reach halfway up. Surely our king should’ve known it’s wasted investment.”
– “But he didn’t know about the cannoneers?”
– “My father says it was a surprise for our army.”
– “Well, that seems like a great advantage for our opposition. Why aren’t they pressing it forward?”
– “That’s because we began training guerilla bowmen who’d ascend the hills under camouflage and snipe the cannoneers with silent precision.”
– “The enemy didn’t know we were training them?”
– “No, they were our surprise for them, in reverse. Father says this game has been going on since the beginning. Both parties react to situations only after they’ve actualized; but they’re never prepared beforehand. Both develop strengths – that go to waste.”
– “So you say strengths must be developed in correlation with weaknesses?”
– “Specific weaknesses. To be targeted and eliminated.”
– “Oh, that’s profound wisdom, Child. Alas you find no necessity to apply the same to personal goals.”
– “Huh?”
– “A while back you said development of strengths automatically removes weaknesses. The elephants and the cannoneers and the snipers have something to say to you about it.”
– “Oh. I see my mistake now, Guru.”
– “One who is inspired for success is essentially in war with his or her own weaknesses. Never think you know all about them. Never take things for granted. Be bold and face them; know their shape and size for real. Let them give you exact objectives to achieve. Introspect and figure out their mechanisms. Know how they affect you. Develop strengths accordingly. Be specific, my Child. Have that clinical precision you find useful in war. Then you’ll win.”

#success #growth #progress #winner #victory #war #strategy #tactic #ambition #inspiration #motivation #strength #weakness #effort #struggle #fight #opponent #enemy #transcendence #empowerment #goal #objective #win #precision #focus #awareness #specific

Watch Out…

Dear world,
We aren’t here anymore.
We were robbed of that right.
We were judged to be immoral.
We were punished for it.
We hurt no-one. We stole from no-one.
We invaded no-one’s personal life.
We posed no threat to anyone’s safety.
And they called us immoral.
All we did, was love.
All we did, was kiss.
Oh, we were hurt.
Our moments together were stolen from us by mad shrieks of orthodox traditions and insecure threats of misunderstood texts.
Followed by spurts of blood which, we were a second late to realize, were our own.
We were confused at first; not knowing why it was happening to us.
They came at us like beasts, heads shoved below hunched shoulders of mob-mentality.
They didn’t want to stop our love; they wanted to break it. Break us.
What was ours was beautiful; like a flower; they wanted to crush it to shreds.
There was a demand in it that we see it happening to us.
First came slaps that soon turned to punches.
Kicks turned to stamping and we heard our own ribs crack.
As blood filled our lungs, we stared up listlessly at their faces, and realized who they were.
They had seen us kissing in public.
We had seen them pissing in public.
They had seen us hugging in the street.
We had seen them spitting on the street.
They had seen us choosing our partners as we please.
We had seen them breaking traffic signals and laws against dowry with same ease.
And we understood.
We understood what “moral policing” meant.
It’s what you do when you want to hide your own immorality.
It’s what you call what you need to do, to safeguard convenient spaces of abuse left by words like “religion” and “tradition” and “culture”.
A “moral police” is what you call yourself, when you want a glorious title to justify your fetish for abuse. Cruelty. Domination. Bullyism.
It’s what you do when you’re too insecure.
It’s what you do when you’re dinosaurs failing to adapt to new times.
So watch out, dear ones.
Watch out for them, in time. We didn’t.
Fortify yourself. With awareness. With dialogue. With unity.
Be one. Voice out. Scream out. Don’t be silent.
One screams; it can be subdued.
A million scream; it’s a roar that raises a storm.
Don’t be subdued. Be strong.
Learn skills of self-defense; and also learn the art of finding the truth behind lies, finding the insecurity behind boasts of power; and drag that truth out in the open in sunlight, where no lies will ever be enough to hide that truth. Let the rot burn.
Let the rot burn.

#MoralPolicing #MoralCop #DownWithBullyism #NoBullyism #StandUp #VoiceOut #SilencedVictims #abused #oppressed #strength #BeStrong

Ideology V/S Ism

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “What is the difference between ideology and ism?”
– “Tell me. What happened to you yesterday?”
– “I was training with the other clan. We had a fight.”
– “Why?”
– “I wanted to be friends with them; I hoped to learn something new. They wouldn’t have me with them. They said I wasn’t skilled enough. That led to an argument.”
– “What did you learn out of it?”
– “The other clan is mean.”
– “That’s observation. I asked, what did you learn?”
– “It’s better to train alone.”
– “Why?”
– “It’s best to find the skills I need on my own; rather than hoping for someone else’s mercy.”
– “I see. That’s an ideology.”
– “Oh?”
– “Yes. Your ideology. Experience, processed with an analysis, conceptualized into a decision.”
– “Oh. You know what Teacher, I shall never train with them. They’re all mean. I’ll always train alone; no matter what happens.”
– “Now, dear, that’s an ism.”
– “Huh?”
– “How many were there?”
– “About twenty.”
– “Did all of them insult you?”
– “Umm… No. But three of them were really mean.”
– “Sure, dear; they were. But do they reflect traits of the entire clan?”
– “I… don’t know. Maybe.”
– “Can you over-generalize qualities of three to twenty? Is it logical? Does it seem rational?”
– “No… But right now I’m really angry at them.”
– “And that emotion urges you to stereotype all of them as one?”
– “Yes… And that’s an ism?”
– “Yes.”
– “But it’s still my ideology, isn’t it?”
– “It was, yesterday; when you made your decision about solo training. But then you re-thought about it, repeatedly. You played it in your mind again and again; letting the emotion pile up over logic; clouding the flow of that ideology. By today morning, it stopped evolving; for it stopped flowing. Emotion has placed a barrier in its course; making it rigid; as an ism always is. It demands a shortcut in the intellectual processing of the experience. As a factor of safety, now you see all of them as mean. Here, you’re duping yourself. You have no idea about the seventeen others you never met. Maybe a few of them could be friends with you; maybe they have something useful to teach you. You’ll lose the chance of that better relation with them, if you stick to your ism.”
– “Oh.”
– “An ideology is an intellectual flow, my Child. It’s a process of finding a positive response to a future reiteration of a past experience. It helps us unlock an individualist strength we can put to use. Ideology leaves us space to be individualists and apply it consciously. But if we fail to process that experience and give way to stereotyping and over-generalization, then that same ideology turns into an ism.”
– “I see.”
– “Isms declare past experiences as only possibilities for eternity. They disregard that things change. They turn an ideology into relic; want us to worship it rather than understand it. They deny our individuality; for individualists study things, and isms dislike students. They demand us to be followers. It leads to an insecure, cult-like mentality that never lets us grow. Remain fluid, my Child. Reality changes as people change through space and time. Growth happens when we’re open to the possibility of that change. Let no ism blind you.”

#ideology #ideal #idealism #idealist #ism #mentality #mindset #approach #attitude #cult #awareness #understanding #knowledge #wisdom #experience #processing #analysis #reality #life

Display of Strength: Know What’s Real.

– “Teacher, I should show them we’re strong.”
– “And why is that, Child?”
– “They’re mocking our clan. They think we’re weak.”
– “Is that what they think? Or is that what you think?”
– “Huh?”
– “Or maybe it’s what they want you to think; and you’re serving their purpose by actually thinking it.”
– “You mean… It’s me who thinks we’re weak?”
– “Well, it’s surely you who thinks you should show them you’re strong, don’t you?”
– “Yes; so?”
– “What’s the origin of that need? What’s the ‘show’ for?”
– “It’s because they’re mocking us…?”
– “Yes; but why does it itch you?”
– “Oh. I get it now. Why does it itch me… Yes. That’s the real question.”
– “And the answer is?”
– “It’s because when they mock us, it mirrors what I feel about myself deep down.”
– “Which is?”
– “It’s me who feels I’m weak.”
– “As I said. Perhaps it’s your drive for perfection; or maybe it’s realization of a simple truth of inadequate effort. I don’t know what it is. Introspect and find out. That’s a separate battle. However, we see something else interesting here.”
– “Which is?”
– “They’re no different than you.”
– “Meaning?”
– “They may or may not have realized how weak you are; but that’s irrelevant, for they know they’re no stronger either. If they were, they wouldn’t have wasted time in words. They’d have attacked your clan by now and finished it. Instead, they’ve opted to nourish your self-doubt, hoping it’ll defeat you without them needing to act.”
– “Oh.”
– “That’s useful information, dear. They’re weak too. And they’re as insecure as you are. It’s upto you whether you let those smirks on their faces fool you. Or if you wish to make use of this opportunity and add to your strengths without letting them know about it. Do it before they add to theirs, and make yourself fit for survival. That’s how Nature works. That’s what a competition is about: a search for truth beneath layers of lies. That’s why we’ve pitted the two clans against each other. To train you see through pretences of strengths, while adding to your own for real.”

#competition #opponent #rival #enemy #strength #weakness #winner #effort #jealousy #pretences #deception #truth #growth #empowerment #awareness #insecurity #fear #confidence

Let’s Walk Out Of Compulsions

– “I don’t agree with them.”
– “Neither do I.”
– “But you didn’t say anything.”
– “That’s because I didn’t need to.”
– “But it was so illogical.”
– “Logic is relevant to the thinker.”
– “How can it be? There can only be one logic.”
– “And that’s your opinion; which I respect.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “I don’t agree with your opinion, same as I didn’t agree with theirs. But I respect your right to have a viewpoint different than me; same as I respect theirs.”
– “How can you be so calm?”
– “Why shouldn’t I be?”
– “They were hurting our sentiments.”
– “How?”
– “By the food they eat. By the things they say about the divine. By their very life-choices.”
– “And that hurts our sentiments?”
– “Of course.”
– “In that case, we must ask ourselves, why it’s so easy for our sentiments to get hurt?”
– “Huh?”
– “My friend, ask yourself four basic questions. One. Are they hurting us physically?”
– “No.”
– “Two. Are they hurting us financially?”
– “No. But…”
– “Three. Are they invading our personal space and preventing our growth as persons?”
– “No…”
– “Four. Do they pose a biological threat to public health?”
– “No.”
– “If the answers to all four questions are ‘no’, then we have no real reason to get upset. If we’re getting upset, that’s because we’re choosing to.”
– “But why can’t they respect our sentiments?”
– “It’s because we’ve made it impossible for anyone to respect our sentiments.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “Our idea of respect is that, basically, everyone should live a life as per our dictations. Why the hell would they? We’re talking about their personal life-choices which have nothing to do with us. When we demand they should make changes in those personal choices as per our wants, it’s US who’re essentially disrespecting their basic human rights. Come on, buddy, be real. There are differences; and there’ll always be differences. It’s what makes us a society; otherwise we’d be reduced to a battalion of robots. Copies of each other. You don’t agree with those differences? Then don’t. You don’t have to. Your problem isn’t the differences; your problem is the compulsion that everything has to be edited to be OK with you. It’s so impractical. That’s what’s creating your problems. We can agree to disagree; and still co-exist. That takes maturity; and only that maturity takes us forward.”

#opinions #differences #OK #society #maturity #agreement #acceptance #resentment #hatred #communication #dialogue #awareness #tradition #religion #faith #people #feud #war #unrest #sentiments #sensationalism

Gossip

Are we winners?
If we wish to be, we could be.
If we’re working for it at present, then we are.
Are we?
Are we engaged in it?
Or are we distracted?
Do we realize that distractions work because we let them?
Inaction leaves with us a vacuum.
We know it’s there; we try to fill it up.
With gossip. With unnecessary interest in others’ lives. With judgery and criticism from us only we think is constructive.
We can trash-talk about others as much as we want; that doesn’t clean the trash of negativity we have within.
We can talk today about who should’ve done what; that doesn’t make up for what we should’ve done, but didn’t, yesterday.
To win, is to get introspective.
Focus within.
And work on ourselves.
We can either win; or we can spend life reading success stories of better people.
We can’t do both.
Let’s get to winning.

#gossip #trashtalk #passtime #mockery #comments #taunts #winner #winning #effort

Keep Failing Until You Win.

– “Is it impossible?”
– “It’s a possibility awaiting actualization.”
– “But no-one has tried it yet.”
– “And that’s why possibility still awaits.”
– “But there must be a reason why people didn’t try.”
– “Sure. They must have their reasons.”
– “And-”
– “Question is, do we need to see their reasons as ours?”
– “Huh?”
– “If we aren’t going to go for this, sure, we don’t need to. It’s not compulsory that we must. But let’s at least make sure that the reason for opting out of it is our own. Let’s not be cowards who borrow reasons of inaction from someone else who failed. Do we have any such real reason, now? Before we even try?”
– “No.”
– “Neither did others. They all thought the same – ‘no-one has tried it’. That’s it.”
– “But what if we fail too?”
– “Oh, I’m HOPING to fail.”
– “What? Then why are we even thinking about it?”
– “I want to see two things. First, when we fail, we’ll be the first to draw the mark where we failed. For no-one else has tried. It’ll be the basic challenge for others to reach, when they follow in our wake. Some sense of silly pride for us, you know. And second, it’s practicality. When we traverse terrains no-one else has, remember that it’s like a path uphill. It’s never a straight line; it has to branch off due to obstacles. We’ll have to branch-off too. But we’ll need a baseline out of which the branches can be drawn. And failure will give us that.”
– “How?”
– “We’ll have drawn a straight path BEFORE that failure, up to which we were OK. That’d tell us how much of the terrain is safe. It’ll be our ‘so-far-OK’ path. It’ll be that baseline we’ll need for our next attempts to locate where that branching-off should be. It’ll be trial-and-error; and we’ll have to draw many more branches and try them all; but one of them will be longest than the rest. It’ll be our next so-far-OK segment of the journey. And on and on we’ll go, finding new branches and staying on the longest one each time, until we find that final segment that reaches the goal.”
– “So your strategy is to keep failing until we win.”
– “Exactly.”
– “But what if we fail way too many times?”
– “Then we’ll have that many branch-offs; and our ‘success’ autobiographies will be that much interesting. Let’s get to it.”

#success #winner #growth #progress #development #achievement #possibility #impossible #positive #thinking #focus #out_of_the_box #different #new #inspiration #motivation #legend #failure #effort #will #mentality #mindset #attitude #approach #goal #objective #aim #target

Winners, Stay True To The Line.

– “Teacher, they’re doing it wrong.”
– “Which is obvious. Let’s focus on what’s not obvious.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Why did you notice it?”
– “Because… they’re doing it wrong…?”
– “For which you have attention to spare.”
– “Yes…”
– “Which means you aren’t paying attention to your own work.”
– “No, I’m paying attention to my work. It’s just that, I thought I should rectify them.”
– “’Should’, huh? There’s observation; and then there’s activity taken on that observation. What inspired you to focus on it more than a mere observation?”
– “Well, because I know a better way to do things; so… maybe I could… help them…?”
– “Did they ask your help?”
– “No, sir.”
– “The other day you had an argument with one of them.”
– “Yes.”
– “Why?”
– “Because he was saying something stupid.”
– “Again, that’s no reason to argue with anyone; that was just an observation. Arguing about it is an activity – an extension to the observation. Question is, why did you feel you had the luxury to have that activity?”
– “Are you trying to say we should do nothing when people say or do stupid things?”
– “What’s your life-goal, son?”
– “I want to win, Teacher.”
– “And what have we learned about winning?”
– “Winning is in what we do at present.”
– “So winning is in present action?”
– “Yes, Teacher. A constructive action.”
– “Did the argument lead to anything constructive?”
– “No, Teacher.”
– “Can two actions take place at the same time by the same person?”
– “No, Teacher.”
– “So I repeat: Does a winner have the luxury to spend time in non-constructive activities such as criticizing others and judging others and trying to rectify their mistakes when they didn’t ask for it?”
– “No, Teacher. I apologize. But they do that to me all the time.”
– “Which makes them idiots. And if you think their actions are reason enough to change your course, you’re a bigger idiot than them and you can forget about winning. You already have, it seems.”
– “I just thought… Maybe I could shape things better.”
– “My son, a straight line connects us to our success; loss is in deviation from that line. Deviations are invited by distractions. Distractions are many. Not all of them are in material form. Some of them have a non-material form.”
– “Such as?”
– “As we proceed further on our line toward success, we generate experience. We develop knowledge. Knowledge brings with it a hazard.”
– “Which is?”
– “A temptation to display it. When others say or do something stupid, our knowledge tempts us to go and correct them. Many of us give in to that temptation. It makes us halt our own walk. And deviate from our straight line. And that’s when we lose, son.”
– “Oh… I see it now.”
– “Negativity attacks us from all directions. Its strategy is subtle, silent and cunning. It knows how to use us against us. Winning is in continued awareness. The moment we lose that awareness, we lose in life. Remember that winning is in maintaining clarity of thought all the time. You aren’t here to correct the world; you’re here to win. You have no luxury to waste time judging people. Stay true to the line, son. Stay focused. Others have made their choice of being silly; don’t let their choices sway yours.”

#success #growth #progress #development #improvement #betterment #winner #win #inspiration #aspiration #ambition #goals #motivation #judging #criticism #focus #dedication #distraction #commitment #true #effort #rivals #opponents #time #choice #victory #logic #reason #rationale #positive

A Winner’s Approach to Mockery

– “You know, they’re laughing at your zest for work.”
– “No I didn’t know.”
– “Doesn’t it bother you?”
– “Should it?”
– “Well, usually it bothers most people; I thought it’d bother you too.”
– “Well, I’m not most people. I’m me.”
– “Oh, you think you’re different than them?”
– “Not me; THEY think so. That’s why they’re laughing at me.”
– “Yes; but doesn’t it bother you?”
– “What, being different than most people? Oh no, I embrace it whole-heatedly.”
– “But why do they laugh?”
– “There’s only one reason we do anything.”
– “What’s that?”
– “We have nothing better to do.”
– “You mean they have nothing better to do than to laugh at you?”
– “They’d have been at it instead, if they had something, don’t you think? Some goal? Objective? Aim? Purpose? That absence leaves a vacuum; it asks to be covered up. Hence the derisive laughter. It helps them convince themselves what I’m doing and how I’m doing it is wrong; so that they can excuse themselves for not doing it. Well of course, that leaves the part that they could do it differently instead of mocking me, if they know better; but the world would be a much better place if folks had those much brains.”
– “That’s bold. Does it help you neglect them?”
– “Neglect? Dear, I’m known for not acknowledging people’s existence in the first place.”
– “Isn’t that a bit arrogant?”
– “Not paying attention to deconstructive criticism and abuse is arrogance?”
– “Umm… Well…”
– “Don’t strain your brains; it ain’t. It’s a simple mathematical understanding. It all starts with a basic question: Do I need their appreciation? No. They’ve proven to me that they are losers wasting their lives invalidating people like me who try to win. And I don’t set out to win losers’ appreciation. That cancels out the need to pay heed to their criticism either; for I see no constructive elements in it and it’s useless for my goals. And that leaves nothing else.”
– “Why don’t you show them the right path?”
– “I don’t need to. I don’t need them for my goals; and I’m not their mommy to preach them about importance of setting their own goals. They’re adults; not kids. If they want to waste lives, it’s their choice and I respect it. If they want betterment, they can choose to haul ass.”
– “But maybe they lack motivation.”
– “Again, not my problem. And I don’t believe in motivation. If you need motivation, it means you have no inspiration. I never asked for motivation; I was inspired to do what I’m doing now. They can find their own inspiration. If they want. I don’t care if they don’t. Motivating losers is like trying to animate dead-bodies. The dead don’t interest me. They aren’t in my control; I don’t need them under my control. As I said, they have proven to me with their inactions that they have no real existence; so forgive me if I don’t acknowledge something they don’t have.”

#success #growth #progress #development #improvement #betterment #winner #loser #ambition #inspiration #motivation #aspiration #goals #aim #objective #focus #dreams #choice #attitude #approach #mentality #mindset #criticism #mockery #judging #different #thinking #positive #constructive #mindfulness

Castle Of Glass

– “Teacher, I know you’re upset with me.”
– “Oh, that’s obvious.”
– “And I know what I did was wrong.”
– “Oh, that’s so obvious.”
– “But with all due respect, sir, I don’t understand why you’re so much upset.”
– “Well, that’s because you aren’t. So I have to cover for that, as an addition, you see.”
– “But it was just a small thing.”
– “Sizes never matter, son. What matters is, what I saw BEFORE you did what you did.”
– “What did you see, Teacher?”
– “I saw hesitation, son. It was clear on your face. I could see why. You knew what you were about to do was wrong. That was your conscience, trying to save you. But you made a choice. You chose to go for the evil anyway. THAT is what I’m upset about. You chose not to stay true to yourself.”
– “I’m sorry; but I thought… it wouldn’t matter much.”
– “For it was a ‘just a small thing’, huh?”
– “Uh, yes…”
– “Last week, we trained with real swords, remember?”
– “Yes, Teacher.”
– “You were wearing armor.”
– “Yes.”
– “Which I broke.”
– “Hmm.”
– “Cracked it like an egg…”
– “Yes, yes, I remember vividly – it was humiliating. Why are you reminding me that again?”
– “…but I didn’t do it with the first strike, did I?”
– “Umm… No…”
– “Hmm. Nor with the second, or third. Or even tenth. Maybe fiftieth, I think.”
– “It was… twentieth, actually…”
– “Oh? I’m not as old as I think I am, then. Point is, I do believe that first strike had at least a little bit of contribution in that final rupture, don’t you think?”
– “Meaning?”
– “Think about it. I was hitting the same spot. Repeatedly. Bloody thing didn’t break immediately; but eventually it did. Logic tells me the first strike must’ve made the first crack; which was developed by the subsequent hits. Interesting, isn’t it? How little things matter? After all, a castle cannot be taken down with a single strike of a ram; but one can’t invalidate that first single strike either. It takes the first stone out. Loosens two more. Paves way for the gradual appearance of failure and loss and defeat and disgrace. Slow at first. Then fast.”
– “Yes, I agree. And I think I know why you’re telling me this. Life is like that castle, yes?”
– “A castle of stone? Oh, no, son. That’s what we all think and that’s how we all dupe ourselves. It’s a castle alright; but made of glass. The cracks develop on their own; fast and nasty and ugly; all you need is the first strike.”
– “Oh…”
– “Your conscience is like a giant armor, a fortification of steel around that castle. But it has a door; and greed and lust know how to unlock it. They reach in, and hit a hammer on the glass inside. Many of us are those wretched souls who invite greed and lust themselves; dooming their own castles. Never, son. Never be that stupid. You’re on a noble path, one that leads to success. You are building the castle of your character. As victories show up, it’ll grow bigger. And the bigger your castle, the more integrated its walls must be. You have knowledge; don’t disguise your intellect with adopted ignorance; don’t sink in the marshes of wishful thinking that says ‘you can get away with it’. You can’t. It never works. Always stay true to who you are and what you wish to be. Never betray your own trust. Stay true. You are the castle’s keeper. Stay vigilant.”

#self #self_respect #character #mistake #integrity #honesty #truth #trueness #righteousness #wisdom #knowledge #winner #success #failure #disgrace #loss #defeat #greed #lust #ambition #wrong #right #choice #mind #strength #patience #self_control #emotion #past #future

Relationship: Giving “Everything” Might Not Be A Smart Thing.

– “I don’t know what went wrong.”
– “That depends on what you thought would be right in the first place.”
– “I have had a series of failed relationships. Each time, I gave them everything they ever asked. I have made so many sacrifices; prioritized their needs over mine, each time.”
– “And that was the right thing, you thought?”
– “Wasn’t it? But no-one ever cared. They don’t even remember it. Each time, they’ve blamed me for their failures. You know what shocked me most?”
– “I think I can imagine; but go on.”
– “Each one of them said the same. ‘You didn’t do anything for me.’ That’s the statement I’ve heard dozens of times. It’s so irrational. And so… confusing? I’ve done EVERYTHING for them. How can they say that to me? It has cut me. Deep. Each time.”
– “Let’s assess this. Give me an example of these ‘good deeds’ you did for them.”
– “Couple of years ago, my partner at the time couldn’t stay stable at any job. It was so depressing. So I created a resume; it was actually a false one with skills my partner didn’t even have. I submitted it at my own workplace; got my partner a job in a different department. I kept saying, ‘You have to learn those skills we’ve put in your resume.’ But my partner never worked on that; just kept on partying. Of course, as a new project showed up, everyone began realizing my partner’s lack of abilities. It became everyday routine – the boss would yell at my partner; my partner would come home and yell at me.”
– “Why yell at you?”
– “According to my partner, I should’ve talked with the Project Head. To soften things. It was so stupid. What could I have possibly said? But I tried; for I loved my partner and wanted a good life for both of us.”
– “Oh.”
– “But when I talked to that Project Head, the guy quickly realized we were an item. As per company rules, fraternization among employees isn’t allowed. They made me go through an inquiry; I broke down and told them about the false resume. I received a warning and a punishment for the fraud; my partner was fired. Again, my partner blamed me for ‘not dealing with things right’. I went into depression over that; and we broke up.”
– “I see. And other stories are more or less the same?”
– “Some are worse.”
– “OK; but in each one you went way-too-much out of the way to save your partner, yes?”
– “Yes, that’s the basic theme.”
– “Hmm. What do you think about the word “EVERYTHING”?”
– “What about it?”
– “You said, you’ve done ‘everything’ for them. When I link that with the story you just told me, I sense two things. First, you become your partner’s parent.”
– “Huh?”
– “Yes. Your caring doesn’t maintain level, as it should between two ‘adults’. No; you begin seeing your partner as a ‘child’ that needs a ‘parent’. An ‘adult’ would suggest ways to another ‘adult’, and give that person space to work on it on their own. In your case, you take the whole responsibility of that ‘child’s’ uplifting entirely on your shoulders, as a ‘parent’ would.”
– “Yes; because I can see that the person isn’t going to take any actions; so only I have to do it.”
– “And that takes us to the second thing I’ve sensed. When you noticed your partners wouldn’t behave themselves, your ‘parenthood’ lost track with logic, reason and rationale. You got carried away. You developed a pattern of it. In this story you just told me, you actually committed a fraud; risked your own career – heaping more and more problems on your own head in the name of love.”
– “See, I had to become more and more of a ‘parent’, because each time the ‘children’ were turning more and more ‘childish’ – irresponsible and unreasonable.”
– “No, dear; it’s the other way around. They turned more ‘childish’ for you were allowing them to. They assessed you. They realized you had an almost infinite capacity to act like an ‘all-out caring parent’. They saw they had a good margin to be careless and party day-and-night. Who wouldn’t, when someone else was ever-present to cover for them? They used the opportunity. They took you for granted; only because you allowed yourself to be taken for granted. When you went into depression, the person saw the parenting wasn’t going to be available anymore; so you were dumped. It’s simple as that.”
– “It’s horrible.”
– “But it has a learning for all of us. Always remember that a romantic relationship is something between two adults. And we must stay true to each other’s adulthood. Relationship isn’t a space for either of us to sprawl our childishness over each other. And that space must never be given either. Sure, you two can agree to be there for each other to fight the battles of life shoulder-to-shoulder; but let’s always be cautious that it’ll be a JOINT VENTURE. One person shall never fight the partner’s battles, IF, like in your case, there’s going to be no effort from that partner. It’s not romantic; it’s stupid. You’re entitled to say no to it. If they can’t see the reason on their own then they’re useless as partners anyway. You’re better off without them.”
– “OK. I agree. I have to, now.”
– “And let there be a finite, quantifiable definition to that ‘EVERYTHING’ you want to give to your partner. Don’t let those over-glorified stories of sacrifices fool you. Don’t be silly; committing frauds to protect your partner from their own weaknesses makes you an idiot; not a romantic. Keep it real, my friend. Remember that we NEVER have the luxury of keeping intellect aside while fondling sentiments. Keep your awareness above it all.”

#love #relationship #couple #dating #boyfriend #girlfriend #marriage #married #husband #wife #rules #sacrifice #breakup #depression #anxiety #divorce #abuse #sex #awareness #emotion #feeling #thinking #thought #sentiment #understanding #maturity

A Realist’s Understanding Of Money

– “I have made my decision, Teacher.”
– “Have you, now?”
– “I’m going to earn just a minimal amount of money. Just for bare essentials.”
– “And why is that?”
– “I’ve observed that people waste so much time and energy earning money for material pleasures. So much so that they never actually get to enjoy any of it. It’s such a sad waste of human life.”
– “Oh, I see.”
– “On the contrary, if one rejects such momentary material pleasures out of life and adopts a spiritual path, one can truly connect with the self and find divine joys.”
– “So spirituality is how you’re planning to be happy. It’s your thing, huh?”
– “Yes, Teacher.”
– “That’s an interesting strategy. Have you implemented it?”
– “I’m about to.”
– “And how, if I may ask, are you planning to do so?”
– “Meditation.”
– “Oh. How long?”
– “Well, as much as I can.”
– “What about when you get hungry?”
– “Then I’ll have to take a pause in my meditation and have some food.”
– “And then you’ll get back to meditation?”
– “Precisely.”
– “But then you’ll grow hungry soon; and you’ll have to pause again.”
– “Why would I get hungry soon?”
– “Well, you’ll be earning ‘just a minimal amount of money’ – that’s how you put it, yes? ‘Just for bare essentials’, that’s the plan, huh? Minimal amount of money gets you minimal amount of food, dear. It doesn’t fill up your stomach. You’ll basically be hungry all the time. And an empty stomach doesn’t let you have a well-stocked mind. Or a ‘spiritual’ mind, as you put it.”
– “Oh… that’d be a problem…”
– “Oh it’ll be a problem alright. For food is just a metaphor, you see. Even ‘bare essentials’ aren’t as small as we think they’d be. You’ll need clothes on your back and medicines when you get ill and a roof on your head when it’s raining. Even if you reject all luxuries, the basic needs remain; and those who’ve tried to deny attention to them have failed miserably. Question is, what are you going to do about it?”
– “I… don’t know. Does it mean I have to submit myself to the dominance of that evil money?”
– “Why is money evil, son?”
– “It corrupts the soul.”
– “What about the fact that it puts food in your belly? Is that evil too?”
– “Umm… no.”
– “Or are you planning to hope for food and clothes and shelter as donation from others?”
– “Uhh… can I?”
– “Sure, you can try that; but that’s only when you have something useful to share with people. What do you have – your spirituality? Well, the question remains: what use is your spirituality to people when you’re living off their donations yourself? It’s a self-negating idea, you see? It makes a beggar out of you; not a spiritual leader.”
– “Which basically leaves me with no choice but to earn good money.”
– “OF COURSE you do; and that’s not to be resented; it’s to be welcomed. Let’s have a basic understanding of money, my son. It’s a facility generated by a society hoping to remain and flourish as a civilization. Idiots cry that money doesn’t buy you happiness – well, it was never meant to. It buys you a full stomach and fulfills those basic needs you have as a living organism. And that, my friend, buys you TIME that you can invest in activities that bring happiness to you. How full that stomach is, dictates how much TIME you can invest in those activities; and that’s a useful, logical, rational, natural arrangement that keeps you true to those needs; forces you to stay disciplined and redirects you to a sensible track of life just when you’re about to get too much distracted. Otherwise we’d all be hedonists enjoying lives with a self-degrading hedonism. Let’s note here that this arrangement of ‘honest work and just reward’ is what keeps us civilized; we need it.”
– “I see, teacher. But then again, isn’t it seen that too much money also reduces us to that ‘self-degrading hedonist’ level, as you put it?”
– “My son, too much of anything will obviously degrade us. Of course, too much money brings that hedonist out of us and places us into an illusion that we have infinite luxury of time to invest in debaucheries. That’s when we get addicted to those debaucheries as well, and we collapse. But that is one polarity, which can be avoided with awareness and controlled with sensible thought.”
– “Even being rich?”
– “Why not? Even being rich, you can opt to remain sensible. It’s not evil to be rich. Being rich, you can help societies grow or you can snort cocaine and end up dead. It’s a choice. Money doesn’t corrupt us; we corrupt ourselves and blame money for the stupid choices we make. This is the simple truth of money. You’re fearing it instead of understanding it; and you’re trying to hug the opposite polarity of senselessly glorified poverty; which will do you no good either.”
– “Oh. I understand now, Teacher.”
– “Stay true to that time factor of money; understand your needs in real terms; earn money accordingly. And yes – also do have some reasonable additions to that earning; for you WILL have DESIRES as well apart from needs; and it is alright to have desires. You’re entitled to enjoy life. We all have desires. It’s a human thing. Even your quest for spirituality is a desire itself, son. Same as someone else who enjoys a sport. Just make sure you’re keeping it real, when it comes to desires too, same as needs. Keep your intellect above it all; stay aware of yourself all the time; be reasonable and real while making your choices; and you’ll have nothing to fear.”

#money #management #rich #poor #poverty #society #awareness #understanding #time #corporate #business #career #life #lifestyle #living #investment #market #betterment #advancement #progress #development #civilization #industry #empowerment

Effort To Be Happy Can’t Be OUTSOURCED.

– “I want to be happy.”

– “Then-”

– “I know. I know what you’re going to say.”

– “What am I going to say?”

– “The same. Happiness is my own responsibility to myself. Waiting for someone else to come and make me happy would be silly.”

– “Oh, that.”

– “And I agree. Theoretically. It’s just that, I don’t know how to take up that responsibility.”

– “Meaning?”

– “Meaning, I find all you counselors damn too theoretical. How can someone just ‘choose’ to be happy?”

– “Why can’t one?”

– “Happiness is a feeling. Feelings are results of specific reasons. Effects of specific causes. Something should happen first, you get me? Someone says something nice. Someone acts kindly. Brings a gift we’ve always lusted for. We see something beautiful. Or hear something pleasant. You know… There’s got to be something there, in the first place. A stimulus. A trigger. It’s basic math, can’t you see? I need that trigger. I don’t have one.”

– “You say we’re all theoretical, huh?”

– “Yes…”

– “So let’s be practical here.”

– “Yes, exactly.”

– “Go on. Be practical.”

– “Huh?”

– “Let’s always remember who wants to be happy. It’s us. We want it. So the effort to have it must be our own. Sure, we need a trigger; but triggers aren’t always awaited. Can’t be. Sometimes – most times, actually – they have to be generated. And they can be.”

– “But how?”

– “You just listed out a bunch of things we get from others. But what about things we can get for ourselves? Why wait for someone to say something nice? Let’s say it to someone else; can’t we? What was the last time you spoke with your parents? Initiated it from your end? Why wait for someone to show kindness? Be kind to the janitors and the security personnel and the canteen staff. Not because they need it; it’s because you want to give it. For it’ll make you happy. Stay true to that. And why wait for a gift? Go take yourself out for a nice dinner. Get that Prada you’ve always coveted. Or that bike you’ve always wanted. Gift yourself a package-tour.”

– “Alone?”

– “See – right there – this is how we’ve programmed ourselves to sabotage chances at happiness. We convince ourselves with these self-defeating ideas that we’ll enjoy things only when we have company.”

-“But it’s always seen that company gets us a greater probability of joys.”

– “That’s only because we allow ourselves to feel happy in company we prefer. It’s like getting tickets for movie starring your favorite actor- you just know you’re going to love the movie for your fav is in it. It’s practically self-hypnosis, dear.”

– “Oh.”

– “Who says we shouldn’t permit happiness for ourselves when we’re alone? In fact, there’s a different sensation to enjoying things on your own; a unique flavor we might not have tried before. Always stay true to that possibility. I don’t advocate compulsive solitude; but company shouldn’t be a compulsion either. It’s a strength to be happy on your own; we can be. Want to see something beautiful? Learn painting; or pottery; or sculpture. Or join a gym and work toward getting that physique you’ve always dreamed. Let that beauty be born out of you; it’ll madden you with what it tells you about yourself. Effort to be happy cannot be outsourced. It must be our own. It’s like food – you want it, you go cook it. Even if you can’t, you order it, don’t you? Or do you stay hungry? No. Happiness is a need same as food; and it must be worked for. You owe it to yourself. Get in action, dear.”

Counselor & Psychologist

No outsourcing

#happiness #happy #joy #pleasure #mind #mentality #mindset #approach #attitude #society #social #alone #loneliness #positive #emotion #feeling #think #thinking #thought #mental #health #peace #action #depression #single #relationship #life #living #empowerment #strength

Listening to Cherry…

– May

Dear Diary,
I’m so glad I met Cherry! Wow…! She’s so bold, and so forward, and so decidedly modernist. Everything she says feels so wrong and so right at the same time. And so thrilling! I’m so totally her fan!

I’ve never seen anyone like her before. Sure, I was a small-town girl to begin with and my social circle was limited earlier; but even then, I just know that I’d never meet someone else like Cherry. This girl knows how to break rules; and how to get away with it too. I’ve begun to do the same now; and… god is it fun!! There’s such a charm to her. I’m following her everywhere, you know… I mean, literally, I’m following her everywhere she goes! (And of course, online. Duh.) She is changing me. In ways I had never thought possible. My clothes are different. My speech is different. My mom is angrier at me now than before; which means my thoughts are new too, I guess.

Yesterday, she took me to this party. It was a… cult, maybe? I don’t know. I asked; she said, “We’re all friends.” There was a guy who gave such a thrilling speech about revolution, rebellion, new age… I didn’t understand it all; but it was awesome. Then he gave us all a little tablet… like a medicine tablet, you know… I looked at Cherry, she just winked and put hers in her mouth. I did the same. It was… so… so… amazing!!
Was it wrong? I asked her. She said, “Who decides what’s right and wrong?” God, I love this girl!

– September

Dear Diary
Everything is going dark. I don’t know where’s Cherry.
And Chad too. You know, our Leader…
I can’t contact anyone else in the group. Last time I talked with anyone in the group, was two weeks ago. I don’t know that girl’s name; but she said “Save yourself” and cut the call. I don’t understand. Save myself from what? What is happening? And where’s Cherry? I enquired with the college principal. I don’t know why; he looked at me as if knowing Cherry was the stupidest thing I had ever done. He didn’t answer that question; he just said, “Stop wasting yourself, Amanda.” Whatever that means?
He asked me about my scores in last test. For the first time in my life, I had no idea. It was… shocking. I wish Cherry was there. She would’ve given me a good speech about how it indicates I’m “evolving”. But she wasn’t there; and I was back to my original pathetic self that screamed at me, “What the hell is wrong with you?” And I have no idea. What happened to me?

– What happened?
Well, a brain capable of thinking, chose not to.
That’s what happened.
For that brain heard a speech.
Which had a great appeal to sensation.
Via sentimentalism and taps into your hunger for thoughtless thrills.
Via half-baked adventurism and maybe a pinch of hedonism.
Which was a trap. As it always is.
A trap which you agreed to walk into.
Traps make us wonder what’s inside.
And that curiosity makes us forget what’s outside.
And that outside is where logic, reason and rationale awaited your attention.
An attention that was never provided.
And now the trap-door is closed.
To get out takes a basic understanding:
Sensationalism is a torch shown at our eyes.
It feels like a bright light; but it doesn’t lighten our path.
In truth it blinds us to the path.
The trap is in your head; you get out by awakening self-thought.
Doesn’t mean we should shun ourselves to what’s new.
To verify if something is a trap, is simple.
You remain outside; and you walk to the other end of it.
And see if anyone’s waiting.
They usually are, if it’s a trap.

#speech #thought #appeal #impression #fan #leader #follower #truth #thought #independent #individual #idea #thrills #adventurism #sensation #sensationalism #hedonism #change #modernism #trends #fashion #belief #logic #reason #rationale

Tactical Winner

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my child?”
– “I didn’t like what happened yesterday.”
– “And which was?”
– “You know. The ace of our clan was humiliated by that arrogant imbecile from that other clan. In front of the King. Even His Highness himself laughed at the silly jokes. The entire ministry joined in. Why? How cruel it was… And all that, only after our ace had saved the Prince from those bandits the other day.”
– “I understand your pain, son. I feel the same.”
– “And yet, you did nothing?”
– “Why would I, when it was I who had engineered it all in the first place?”
– “What? It was you?”
– “Of course.”
– “But… why? Why would you want your own student seen humiliated?”
– “A correction, son. I never wanted to see him humiliated. I wanted to see his response, in case of a try at humiliation.”
– “But why?”
– “A test, of course. Tell me. Do you know what you’re all training for?”
– “For war and strategy.”
– “That’s all?”
– “Well, there’s winning the war, sure.”
– “Not just a war, son; I want you to win in life itself. You all shall win dozens of battles; you’ll shed blood and sacrifice personal comforts and company of loved ones for a greater cause. But do not ever think it’ll guarantee you unquestionable respect from others. There’ll always be those who love to judge a warrior, sitting comfortably in safety provided by that same warrior. There’ll always be those who love to judge a winner, while reaping benefits generated by that same winner. You’ll find such souls out on the street and even at home too. There’ll always be kings like His Highness who have never set foot on any battlefield; who’ll never understand the value of bravery that fortifies the very throne he sits his ass on. And there’ll always be a ministry full of pathetic authority-pleasers, laughing at you just to please that King.”
– “Yes, so?”
– “Point is, how do you respond to that insult? A winner is the one who’s at peace with himself. And that peace comes from an understanding. You fight, for you choose to. You’re brave, for you choose to. You win, for you want to. You observe a situation; you see what needs to be done; you make your choices; you implement it in action and you move on. A winner knows that his win was born out of staying true to the logic and rationale of what needed to be done at the time. A winner doesn’t care for appreciation. He knows this isn’t a drama; he isn’t an actor playing a role; this is real life; so he expects no applause. With no care for approval, he has no care for criticism too. He responds to it, once again showing the same attitude: staying true to achieving useful outputs.”
– “Was it there in our ace’s response yesterday?”
– “Of course. He had feelings; not sentiments. He had self-respect, born out of self-awareness; but no pride. He had nothing in him that could be hurt with words. He knew his worth; he knew his mockers weren’t his worth; he had no account of their existence. He was there for a specific reason in mind; his heart true and his brain focused.”
– “Which was?”
– “As mockery was heaped upon him, he calmly walked to the Prince, and handed over a map marked with the bandit group’s location in the woods. No words were exchanged, but both nodded at each other. It was an appeal to the Prince to join him in his next mission: to finish the bandits. And the Prince agreed. Our ace killed three birds in one stone.”
– “How?”
– “He had already assessed the King to be useless; he had already understood what made His Highness so. The person you serve should taste what it is you do for them, at least once. The King has never done that; and the King is old now. Our ace has no interest in relics. He focuses on the present and the future. By giving the Prince a chance to know what real battle and blood look like, our ace guantees that the next person he serves now – the Prince – would be smarter. That’s how he also canceled possibility of such mockery in future: when the Prince becomes King, he wouldn’t tolerate any abuse toward the warrior whose mettle he has seen for real; and that means rejecting the ace’s current enemies as well. And that’s the third goal he striked: Without a single word, he killed the others’ criticism by canceling out their very existence in future. Think tactically, not sentimentally. Don’t react; respond. That’s how you win.”

#winner #loser #attitude #approach #reaction #response #criticism #judging #mockery #tolerance #feelings #emotion #think #thought #positive #self #respect #pride #sentiment #tactics #strategy #winning #success #growth #strength #empowerment #smart

Beyond “Command”…

We command out of need.
Or out of love.
We need people for our goals.
And then there are loved ones whose goals we like to decide.
Ambition and love cancels logic; we begin dictating.
Sure, there’s sensation to command.
But it’s governed by either fear or love.
People will either fear you and obey you.
Or they will respect you and follow you.
Both fear and love have expiry dates.
They have limits.
Fear inspires people to overcome it.
Love brings expectations from you that you’ll eventually tire of fulfilling; and your followers will drop away too.
In the end, there’s only you.
And that’s your ultimate truth.
See it NOW, when you have time.
True that you can’t do everything alone; true that one needs to develop influence;
But do develop that individualistic strength whenever you can.
Let it be a parallel stream of personal evolution in your social life.
And check that love you feel for your family and friends.
Love is meant to free, not to fret them with your restrictions.
Provide support when you can; but be a just channel for their energy; not a chancellor.

#control #command #dictate #govern #rule #influence #leader #follower #ambition #goals #social #life #people #family #friends #freedom #love #alone #fear #respect #channel #focus #action #decision #choice #mentality #approach #attitude #mindset

Fox and the Sour Grapes

– “Why do people laugh at my success?”
– “For the same reason the fox called the grapes sour.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Meaning –

– Meaning, you have actually achieved it; and they can only dream of it.
– By winning, you’ve managed the unthinkable: transforming yourself. It was a CHOICE. It’s beautiful. And scary.
– For winning, you’ve worked on yourself. You’ve been brave enough to look your weaknesses in the eye. You’ve been bold enough to agree that they exist. It was a CHOICE.
– You’ve been humble enough to accept you aren’t perfect and yet, it isn’t an excuse not to try to be. You’ve been conscious enough to know nobody else is coming to rescue you from your miseries; you’re on your own. It was a CHOICE.
– You’ve been courageous enough to say yes to work in silence and solitude. It was a CHOICE.
– You’ve been courageous enough to say no to the appeal of comfort zones. It was a CHOICE.
– For winning, you’ve gained strengths; which is a slow and tedious and gradual process that takes breathtaking consistency and dedication and commitment to the goal. Many try that; and many find it to be a slippery path uphill. By actually winning, you’ve proven that you successfully managed that hard steering on that slippery path. It was a CHOICE.
– And so, my dear, by winning, you’ve shown many what they could’ve, but couldn’t achieve; couldn’t manage; couldn’t be brave enough for; couldn’t be honest enough for; couldn’t be humble enough for; couldn’t be true to.
– Most importantly, you’ve shown them how they’ve defeated themselves; for they could’ve made the CHOICES you made; and still chose NOT to, slipping to convenient self-excuses and comfort zones, instead.
– But you’re rare. They are many. That’s the thing. Winning doesn’t fit in norms. Failure does. Most fail. It’s known and familiar. People live with it every day. They find solace in numbers. Sure, they have to blind themselves with purposeful misconceptions about success and find excuses not to act; but they’re trained by society to be good at it. They’re at peace with their failure; only condition is nobody should ever talk about how they’re responsible for it themselves. It’s their uncomfortable truth.
– When you won, you didn’t just speak about it – no, you ROARED it at their face; forcing them to open their eyes and look at their uncomfortable truth. Next best option, for them, is to laugh at your success. Hoping to convince themselves it’s no success or very little success. Hoping it’ll be sufficient fortification for their self-excuses, in case your win has developed any cracks in those fragile excuses.
– So my friend, let them laugh. It’s all they can do. When those mouths laugh, it’s actually those weak minds, shrieking in agony. Understanding that, is the next phase of your growth.

#success #winner #win #failure #criticism #judging #mockery #taunts #abuse #victory #motivation #inspiration #self #help #pain #suffering #effort #ambition #progress #development #growth

“Can’t You Just Trust Me?” – I Can; But I Won’t.

– “He proposed yesterday.”

– “What did you say?”

– “I said I need time. Actually, I’m not sure.”

– “Why, dear?”

– “It’s been a year; but I still don’t know what exactly he does for a living. Not really. Whenever I ask, he just says, ‘trust me’. If I probe further, he puts forward this hurt face. He says, ‘You know, it’s so hurtful that you don’t trust me’. And then he gets so distant. Then I feel guilty.”

– “Terrific deal, isn’t it? I knew you’ll love it.”

– “Yes, but…”

– “There’s no ‘but’, bro; I’m there for everything; don’t worry.”

– “Yeah; but where will the capital come from? Five hundred grand isn’t small money.”

– “I told you. I know a guy.”

– “And he’ll just hand over five hundred grand?”

– “He’ll be a partner. It’s his investment too. Don’t worry.”

– “I was just thinking it’d be better if I meet him, at least once, you know…”

– “Why? You don’t trust me?”

– “It’s not about that, bro…”

– “Damn it man, it was me who dragged you out of that hole you were living in, remember? Is it too much to ask for a little trust here?”

– “I’m… sorry…”

No. Don’t.

Don’t be sorry. Be safe.

They talk about trust; but do they really know what it means?

When you don’t play the game on their terms, they get angry.

Instead of feeling guilty, ask yourself, ‘Why?’

Why a person would get angry when asked about an opportunity to verify?

Why would they want you to feel guilty about it?

Would a rational person do that? Would they need to? No.

So why do these? What’s in it for them?

Is it a cover-up?

Is your guilt going to help them avoid a nasty reality?

Is that why they want to blind you with your own guilt?

Assurances aren’t assumptions; they’re results of real verifications of hard data.

What is trust? How does it differ to knowledge?

It’s simple. It doesn’t.

It IS knowledge.

Real knowledge. Seen, observed, verified.

And you’re entitled to get it.

Trust is given when earned.

And they’re supposed to earn it by providing opportunity for you to see for yourself.

Ask for it. Demand it. It’s yours to ask.

If you don’t get real answers, be bold and say ‘No’.

Sure; maybe they aren’t frauds. Maybe they’re innocents fueled by greed and wishful thinking. Maybe they want to hide things from you, only because they themselves don’t know what it is they’re hiding away. Sure, maybe they themselves are victims of someone else’s manipulation. Maybe they’re doing to you what someone else is doing to them. Question is, does that innocence matter? Remember that wishful thinking is their choice; and it does NOT have to be yours. You can make different choices. Don’t let emotion make you copy others’ mistakes.

Be vigilant. Maybe it’ll hurt the relation for now; but it’ll help in the long run.

Counselor & Psychologist

APTOPIX Climbing Free Solo Folo Up

#trust #relation #relationship #friend #business #deal #questions #answers #enquiry #awareness #vigilance #faith #belief #wishful #thinking #emotion #feelings #verification #knowledge #data #information #clarity #doubt #pain #loss #hurt #communication #safety #decision #choice

Insanity Is Relevant To The Observer

– “Father, I saw something curious today.”
– “What was it, son?”
– “A man was being pelted with stones and abuses and insults. By a mob of fifty, at least. I’ve never seen people being this much sincere and dedicated at anything. I was curious to know what made fifty people think investing time and effort in this beats any other activity.”
– “What were they saying?”
– “They were calling him insane.”
– “Hmm. Obviously.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Actually they wanted to convince themselves they were sane. Hence the mob and their commitment to the job. Otherwise, even a couple of men can deliver a good beating.”
– “I don’t understand, father.”
– “Tell me. What was his crime?”
– “Apparently, he claimed he could bring light in a glass bulb by attaching metal wires to a potato. Called it science. The townfolk were angry. Such actions are forbidden by our sacred texts.”
– “Was he allowed to try that?”
– “No, they stopped him before he could act upon his ideas.”
– “Ideas that would’ve solved a major problem in front of us all? A remedy for dark of the night?”
– “Maybe we shouldn’t judge them, father.”
– “Of course, you’re absolutely right. Except the same applied to them, in reverse, in the man’s case.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “Insanity is absence of sanity. But what is sanity? How is it defined? How is it measured? By whose scale? You’ll notice that there are no fixed answers to these questions; for there can’t be. It’s all relative. And yet we all maintain such scales in our minds to judge others.”
– “Yes, father.”
– “Very few are conscious while developing these scales. Most of us use scales programmed in their brain by someone else. In this case, those sacred texts did the job. You forget that those texts have been written by ordinary men like us only; sure they were wise but let’s not pretend they were gods. No man is.”
– “Agreeable.”
– “Only thing those texts have achieved is that they placed a boundary around their understanding; arrested it. We call things sane when they fall within our boundary of what’s known. We conveniently call it insane when it’s outside of those boundaries. They were engrossed in the delivery of beating, for he was showing them what’s outside the boundary and they were scared of it. Fear turns men to beasts.”
– “Oh…”
– “Let’s always be conscious that sane and insane are relevant to the observer. And an observer is limited by the span of his observation. That means, none of us can truly be judges of sanity. I’m not saying this man is a genius; I’m saying there’s a possibility he could be; which means we’re the ones who’re truly insane when we deny ourselves a chance to check that. We don’t know and we need to explore. Let’s not let our own limits stop us. Let’s give others a chance to explain themselves, demonstrate their ideas with a small, controllable test; maybe they have something new and useful for us.”

#sane #sanity #insane #insanity #relativity #viewpoint #approach #attitude #fear #insecurity #control #oppression #judge #judgement #evaluation #definition #understanding #awareness #maturity #experience #life #living #society #social #empowerment #boundaries #limits

Helper V/S Critic

There was an accident.
Quite recent one.
Within moments, a crowd formed.
Most were spectators.
They wanted to see what it looks like when human skull leaks blood.
They had never seen it before.
Then came a helper.
He tried to arrest the blood flow with his kerchief.
Along came a critic. From the same crowd of spectators.
He started shouting. “No, no, you’re doing it wrong.”
The helper didn’t reply. He continued his work.
“Are you a doctor?” the critic asked.
The helper didn’t respond.
“I’ve seen medical professionals,” the critic continued; “They don’t do what you’re doing right now.”
The helper sped up his work.
“I know the right way,” the critic boasted; “You should follow the protocols.”
The helper didn’t react.
He just finished his work; picked up the injured man and started walking back to his car, to take that man to the hospital.
The critic blocked his path.
“Do you realize your actions might kill that person?” he asked.
The helper locked him with a stare.
And said, “My friend, you’re right. I’m no professional. Which means we need real professionals. Except this man will be dead by the time they show up. Which makes it all irrelevant. That leaves us. And our choice of actions. Me? Sure, I need better medical knowledge. Except I don’t have it and if anyone else has it then I don’t see them implementing it. Which, again, makes it all irrelevant. So I got a 50-50 situation here. One possibility is my actions will kill this man. Another possibility says I’ll save him. I’m working for the second one. Your actions, on the contrary, have a hundred percent guarantee that he’ll die.”
“My actions?” asked the confused critic. “I did nothing.”
“Exactly,” said the helper, and started walking away.

#helping #critic #criticism #choice #judgment #awareness #maturity #knowledge #action #helper #crowd #problem #solution #thinking #solving #consequences

The Hard-Work, Consistency and Dedication In Hating A Winner

– “…But I’ll never work with him, Teacher.”
– “Oh. I sense rivalry.”
– “Oh, that’s so true. I hate him.”
– “And why is that, son?”
– “He is so uptight. He eats alone. He studies alone. He trains alone. He hunts alone. He thinks he’s better than the rest of us.”
– “Isn’t he?”
– “Huh?”
– “Hasn’t he proven he’s better, by winning every single competition and achieving every single goal he ever set?”
– “Oh, boo-hoo. That makes him luckier; not a winner.”
– “And what would make him a winner, my child?”
– “A winner commits to the goal fully. He doesn’t.”
– “How do you know?”
– “I’ve observed him closely, Teacher. He wastes an hour each morning playing instruments. I mean, seriously? Is that why we’re here? Music? We’re a warrior clan.”
– “Oh, I see. And?”
– “Then he spends a couple of hours hunting. I follow him all the time. He gets the game; but never kills. He’s too pussy for that, I guess. The idiot nurses the animals back to life, with some strange herbs no-one knows about. He comes back with a bunch of bulbs and roots; eats that crap all day long. Some raw, some cooked so primitively. Who does that?”
– “He, apparently. And?”
– “He spends his entire afternoon sparring with teachers. I always watch. He knows teachers would go easy on him. He never accepts a challenge by other boys. Pussy.”
– “And how does he spend his evenings?”
– “Reading, duh. I can list out every single book he has ever read, you know. Stupid stories of saints and ancient sciences and histories and crap. Never a romance. Is he even a real boy? What’s the retard training for, being a monk?”
– “Are you sure you hate him, son?”
– “Of course.”
– “Are you sure you aren’t in love with him?”
– “Whoa – what? Hell no… I’m not a -”
– “You sure sound like you’re in love. For only a lover would spend each morning, afternoon and evening observing another person. Only a lover would know intimate details like that music and those herbs and those animals and his sparring choices. Only a lover can list out all books a person has ever read.”
– “Teacher, please… I’m not a-”
– “Ooh, I get it now.”
– “What? What?”
– “I’ve always known why he wins; but now I also know why his opponents, such as you, my son, fail so miserably.”
– “Why… Why does he win?”
– “Because he’s committed beyond the goal, unlike you think. He knows he is going to be a warrior; not just a fighter. He tunes himself with nature each morning with music. During a hunt, he nurtures those animals back to life; for he knows being a warrior goes beyond a mere ability to kill. It also calls the ability to save wounded comrades on the battlefield. That’s why he practices his medical skills on the same game he’s meant to kill. He spars with teachers only – oh, the heart he shows! He has already beaten the rest of you; now he practices with men with decades of more experience on him. He’s not a pussy, son; he’s already on the next level. And he reads, for he needs to have a sense of purpose: he wants to know what he’d be fighting for.”
– “And… why do I lose?”
– “Oh, that’s simple. You’re a loser, for you waste most of your time observing what a winner does; and then the rest of your time criticizing that winner, rather than learning out of his actions. You must be getting tired, what with all the hard-work you put in, hating that winner. Why would you ever win?”

#success #goal #objective #growth #progress #development #improvement #advancement #winner #hater #critic #criticism #judgment #taunts #mockery #hate #rival #rivalry #opponent #learning #mindset #mentality #positive #thinking #effort #struggle #resistance #jealousy #focus #commitment

“Inappropriate”

Next time, when –
You dislike someone’s dress;
You dislike someone’s home;
You dislike someone’s opinion;
And ideas; and styles; and ways;
Take a pause before you voice it out to them.
And ask yourself,
“Does it stop me or harm me in any way?”
And if the answer is “No”,
Then check,
“Why is it a compulsion for me that I must criticize others?
Do I have any vacuums left in me by my inactions?
Am I trying to cover them by criticizing others?
What is my gain here? Real gain?
And what is my loss?”
You see, it’s OK to dislike something.
Not necessary that you have to like everything.
Point is, disliking something is one thing; but specifically making it a point that others have to modify themselves to your configuration, even when their ways aren’t hurting anyone, is a whole different thing.
It’s practically anti-social.
It’s irritating and negative and degrading and inhuman and destructive.
There’s no such thing as universally proper, correct, right, perfect.
These are illusions of an un-grown mind.
Let’s get out of ourselves.
Let’s not stay in shells; and if we don’t want to be open, then let’s remember that the world surely isn’t interested in our shells.
It’s OK if something is different.
It’s really OK.

#criticism #judgement #mockery #comments #taunting #proper #perfect #ideas #lifestyle #thinking #perceptions #ways #mentality #mindset #attitude #approach #positive #negative #demeaning #humiliation #society #social

Transcendence

– “Why are you here alone, child?”
– “I don’t want to play, Teacher.”
– “Oh, what child doesn’t?”
– “I wouldn’t play, not with that group.”
– “But why, son?”
– “That boy over there, you see him?”
– “Yes.”
– “I hate him.”
– “Did something to you, did he?”
– “No… But I hate him.”
– “In which case, it’s something you saw him do, yes?”
– “No… But I hate him.”
– “In which case, it’s something you heard about him, huh?”
– “Yes.”
– “Hmm, thought so. May I know what it is?”
– “My father says, they aren’t good people.”
– “People? My child, I thought we were talking about one kid.”
– “Yes, but he belongs to those people.”
– “And why, may I ask, are those people to be deemed bad?”
– “About a hundred years ago, they invaded our lands. They looted. And caused lots of pain.”
– “Was this kid one of the invaders?”
– “No… that’s silly. He’s but ten years of age. He wasn’t there then.”
– “Exactly. And where are those invaders now?”
– “They’re all dead. It’s been a hundred years.”
– “Have you seen this kid here looting and hurting anyone?”
– “Umm… no. He seems… alright.”
– “Can I let you in on a secret, my child?”
– “A secret? Sure.”
– “You know, my grandfather was a rich landlord.”
– “Was he? But then why are you a… humble teacher?”
– “Hmm, why indeed, right? You see, he was robbed. At knife-point. To the last penny he ever had.”
– “Who would do such a horrible thing to him?”
– “Your great-grandfather.”
– “Wh…what?”
– “So I’ve been told.”
– “You must be mistaken, Teacher. I can’t imagine anyone in my family to be capable of such heinous acts.”
– “But there are proofs, child. I still retain the handbill issued by the king, in which he declared your great-grandfather the ‘most-wanted criminal’. There was reward for finding him out, you know…”
– “Was he ever found?”
– “No. But many years later, one rainy morning, his younger sons came asking for a place for succor in our village, carrying their father’s dead-body on a makeshift stretcher.”
– “Were they granted that?”
– “Not initially. People identified who the dead man was. They wanted no evil to be buried in our lands. But my father, just a young man of twenty, took the boys to our humble abode. The kids were hardly your age, back then. They were scared and lost and soaked with the rains. They had not the slightest idea why these strangers hated their dead father so much. The villagers asked my father, ‘Why are you helping the man who robbed your family? Hasn’t he brought you great pains?’”
– “What did your father say?”
– “He said, ‘Sure he did; but I’m not helping the man who wronged us. He’s dead. I’m helping two little children who’re in need of it. That’s it.’ And he did exactly that. He gave them a room to live; educated them; gave them tools for life their father never had.”
– “Oh… Oh my god… that means, I… one of those children is my grandfather…”
– “Yes. Now tell me, child; shall I hate you for what your great-grandfather did to my family?”
– “No, no…”
– “So is there logic and reason to the hatred you feel for that kid over there, for what his ancestors did to your people a century ago?”
– “I understand my lesson now, Teacher. My apologies. It’s not his mistake. And those wrong-doers are no-more; and so should be this hate. This is here-and-now. We should live in present, not past.”
– “Hate is a vacuum we keep alive for we still feel the existence of our past weaknesses. The ones that made it possible for others to hurt us. Past is to be used solely to identify those weaknesses and working on strengths. Growth isn’t in resenting and fighting; it’s in canceling out those weaknesses. Do that and you wouldn’t need to hate anyone from your past. True victory is in that transcendence.”

#past #history #present #future #feelings #change #hate #anger #anguish #pain #hurt #resentment #mistakes #people #social #racism #nationalism #modern #society #global #human #humanity #positive #thinking #awareness #mentality #attitude #approach #wisdom #sentiment

The Trick Mind Plays…

– “I don’t like this.”
– “You don’t have to.”
– “But I need to. It’s my life now.”
– “Which you chose for your future success.”
– “Yes; but it’s so totally different than what I’m used to.”
– “What you are used to has brought you your present. The one in which you’ve reached a limited success. To have more than that, calls for accepting what you aren’t used to.”
– “I understand that on a logical level; but…”
– “What is it you have a problem with?”
– “Everything. I’m going to have to get up early. And cook for myself. And place myself through a tight schedule. Manage one thing after the other. Work and studies and cleaning and shopping, everything. I don’t know how I’m going to manage it all.”
– “Tell me something. The way you’re living at present, have you always been living like this?”
– “Meaning?”
– “Was your daily schedule the same five years ago?”
– “No. I had a different life five years ago.”
– “And was that life the same five years before that?”
– “No, that was way different.”
– “And five years before that?”
– “Yes, yes, I’ve always been living different lives at different times; what’s your point?”
– “My friend, we all do that. Life keeps changing; and we change accordingly. Nothing gets easier; we just keep getting better. With more experience and mistakes and learning. So have you, in past. It’s adaptation. We all have a monumental capacity for adaptation. And we need to appreciate it. We end up underestimating it, instead.”
– “You’re right; now that I think of it; but why do we underestimate ourselves?”
– “There’s a reason. Mind moulds to the present quickly. To help us manage it, it incepts a feel that we’ve always been at it. Do something for a month and you start feeling like you’ve been at it forever. We think we have a set schedule. It’s never the case, actually. It’s an illusion and a useful one, at that. It helps us set a grip on the present. Except, it has another side. Since we remain unconscious about it, we let the present spread over our sense of reality. We forget how we arrived here and what we had to do for that. We forget we’ve already shown an ability to change and transform. It inputs a fear of next change, as you’re feeling now.”
– “I see it now.”
– “Remember you can and you will change. For the better. For your progress. Routine should be in activity; but it must not set a pattern in thoughts too. Always keep thoughts free and un-patterned and flexible. Be fluid in mind. It’s the rigidity of false ideas that has trapped you; be open to the truth of flexibility, for life is in flow. Remember you already have it. We’re humans and we’ve survived this planet by acknowledging that truth. Awaken to yourself; that’s how you’ll win.”

#new #future #present #past #time #rigidity #flexibility #thoughts #patterns #beliefs #thinking #emotion #feeling #fear #anxiety #depression #insecurity #adaptation #change #transformation #adjustment #compromise #learning #experience #mistakes #betterment #progress #success #trap #self_help

That Was Then. This Is Now.

– “I’m afraid.”
– “Of what?”
– “I don’t think I can say yes to this.”
– “Have you been at it before?”
– “Yes. And it didn’t work. I’ve faced loads of trauma and pain for it. I don’t want it repeated.”
– “You know what I think?”
– “What?”
– “Babies are the best.”
– “I agree; but why is that relevant here?”
– “They have no fear of the future. Unlike us adults.”
– “Yes. I want to be like a baby. Fearless.”
– “To that effect, you have to understand something basic. About babies.”
– “Which is?”
– “They’re fearless, for they have no past.”
– “Oh…”
– “They have nothing to compare their future with. They have no past to mock their weaknesses and torment them with memories of failure and pain.”
– “Yes. But we as adults can’t just forget past.”
– “Oh, good god, no; this isn’t about forgetting past at all.”
– “Then what?”
– “Past hurts us in present for we accept the pain and reject the learning.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Failure and success are reflections of what we are, time to time. Be it a goal, a job, a business, a relationship – anything. If it failed in past, it means our personalities were compatible with the idea of failure. It means there were aspects in our personalities which tuned us to the possibility of failure. When we acted on it, those possibilities turned to actualities.”
– “And that brought pain.”
– “No doubt; but it was also a call for a ‘reality-check’ to us. A call to bring those aspects to light. Except most of us don’t do that; agreeing to walk into a shell of over-reactive self-denial, instead. Thing is, that doesn’t mean we remain the same. Pain changes us alright. It’s weakness, leaving us. It’s just that we choose to stay hidden from what’s changed in us, fearing we’ll see something ominous. It also hides us from what’s changed for the better. And that’s the true loss.”
– “Yes.”
– “See, that was then. This is now. Time has passed; life is calling again. We can make that call now. We can choose to let past talk to us. We can choose to bring what’s hidden into conscious awareness. When we do so, it’s OK if we see something we don’t like; we don’t have to agree with it. It’ll scream at us with negative feelings; tell us to go back into that shell of self-denial; it’s up to us whether we answer that call or ignore it as dying screams of weakness. We can limit our sight selectively to what feels positive in the change; stay true to it; apply it; let it evolve us. That’s what babies do. They fall down; they cry it out; they see their learning; they apply the positive part of that learning in a reiteration of the same attempt. They try anew; applying their awareness. That’s how they get better at things; and so can we. Go on, my friend. Meet life. Just be conscious of what’s changed in you and apply what’s useful in it. You’ll win.”

#life #past #present #future #time #pain #hurt #trauma #experience #choice #awareness #unconscious #conscious #mind #learning #feeling #emotion #thinking #positive #betterment #relief #denial #depression #anxiety #mindset #mentality #success #failure #relationship #goals

Tolerance V/S Maturity

– “Teacher?”
– “Yes, my Child?”
– “How does maturity differ to tolerance?”
– “Do you see those archers over there? You were practicing with them yesterday. Quite passionately, as I observed.”
– “Yes, Teacher.”
– “What do you think about their archery skills?”
– “They’re alright.”
– “I think they’re awesome!”
– “I see.”
– “That’s tolerance, my Child.”
– “How so?”
– “You accepted my opinion as my freedom to have an opinion, without necessarily agreeing or arguing with it.”
– “I see.”
– “But while we’re on the subject of archery skills, where are yours, my Child?”
– “I beg your pardon, sir?”
– “I saw you yesterday. If only your passion to show off matched with your skills… I have seen toads with better aims.”
– “Toads couldn’t save our school last week from those bandits; but my archery sure made them rethink about a second attack. But of course, that’s my perception. If you see it differently, I accept it as your entitlement to have a different view. I shall continue my practice; as I never cease to be a student.”
– “Splendid, my Child.”
– “Thank you, but I don’t understand…”
– “That’s where you showed maturity too. I just poached your pride; but unlike your past self, you responded to it with thoughtful self-respect rather than spontaneous reaction. It’s easy to show tolerance and call it maturity when no-one is hurting you and the difference in opinions is merely about something impersonal. Like, what I thought of the archers’ skills. True maturity differs to tolerance when you maintain your composure even in the face of an opinion that comes as a personal attack on feelings. With neither a weak-minded submissiveness nor a childish reactive defense. Like you just responded, to my attack on your pride. As an addition, you’ve also shown that you see things beyond mere opinions. You have awakened to the fact that truth is to be pursued beyond ‘your’ and ‘mine’ and ‘his’ and ‘her’ opinions; that’s why you never cease to be a student. That’s growth, my Child. It’s in choosing it. I congratulate you for it. I’m proud of you.”

#tolerance #maturity #growth #opinion #perception #ideas #min #mindset #mentality #viewpoint #approach #attitude #discussion #debate #argument #thought #feeling #thinking #emotion #personal #interpersonal #pride #ego #self_respect #social #society #public #composure #awareness #positive

Success V/S “Most People”

– “It was a bit… odd.”
– “What was?”
– “Everybody was so… hostile. It was as if they were more interested in downgrading and invalidating my success, rather than acknowledging I had achieved something. I tried to be humble; but their judgment was so offset and illogical. My competitors were there too, you know. The ones I beat. Those whose achievements were nowhere close to me. But these critics had nothing to say about them. I understand if my competitors hate my guts; but why would these other people?”
– “My friend, you’re making a basic mistake.”
– “Which is?”
– “You’re differentiating between your competitors and your critics.”
– “Shouldn’t I?”
– “You think your critics were mere onlookers. You think they weren’t competing with you. Maybe not right then. But my friend, nobody ‘merely’ observes your success. On some level, they all collate it with their own past. Your success shows them what they could’ve and should’ve done in life and what they still didn’t. It incepts a feeling of inferiority. Their past begins competing with your present.”
– “Oh.”
– “Now, a person with winner’s mindset would welcome that feeling and use it as inspiration to grow more. But most people aren’t winners. Most people want to hide that they’ve been losers in life, from themselves. They rush to find a cover. They get that cover by being a critic for someone else’s success. They hope to be seen as wise and knowledgeable, by verbally evaluting someone else’s success. They hope to get respect and a false identity out of it. And ultimately, by conveniently quantifying your success as ‘less’ and ‘incomplete’, they want to convince themselves that they don’t have to worry about changing their ways to yours. They want to maintain their weakness as it is; for it’s their comfort zone.”
– “I understand it now on intellectual level; but it still hurts.”
– “That’s because you stay there, letting them do it to you. You react to their criticism, thinking your answers will win you their approval and appreciation and acceptance. Remember that you’re a winner and you’ll never have losers’ approval. And you don’t need it either. Remember that you win, for you want it. Not for anybody else. Get your win; get out of there; give yourself a treat; move on to the next goal. I don’t expect you to be arrogant. Be humble, listen to criticism if you want; but only if it has constructive elements for you. However, the question remains: why those who have never climbed a mountain would know anything useful about how to reach the summit? Lions don’t bother about sheep’s opinions. Be lion, my friend.”

#success #winner #achievement #accomplishment #fulfillment #inspiration #motivation #ambition #goal #aim #objective #focus #criticism #judgment #mocking #struggle #loser #failure #competitor #hater #confidence #effort #critic #awareness #maturity #empowerment #transformation #growth

That Guy Next Door…

– “Morning.”
– “What’s good in it?”
– “I said ‘morning’. Didn’t say it was good. Except that it could be. Depends on us.”
– “I hate this.”
– “What happened?”
– “You saw my new neighbor? He’s (one or the other religion). And he’s (one or the other race). And he’s (one or the other ethnicity). And damn it, he’s, you know, a guy.”
– “Oh my god, the unthinkable has happened and all hell has broken loose.”
– “Don’t joke; I’m not in the mood. Out of all the rooms in the hostel, he had to shift next room to me?”
– “Did he do something?”
– “No; but it’s just a matter of time, isn’t it?”
– “Oh, so we’re getting upset over stuff that ‘might’ happen. Cute.”
– “It’s going to happen. He’s (of that religion and that race and that…)”
– “Are you upset that it’ll happen? Or is it that you want it to happen to justify you getting upset about it?”
– “What do you mean?”
– “Tell me, what do you think will happen?”
– “They eat (some particular food) and I hate it. They have that stupid festival when they (do something particular) and I hate all the noise and trash they make. And god, do these people ever take a bath? And they talk so loud… Why can’t I ever get good neighbors? You know who’d have been great? DOM. You know, the blogger? Dawn of Mankind? The one in third year; the one who writes all that awesome stuff about humanity and nature and love and caring and strength and future? I’m sooo totally in love with his work. I’m, like, his biggest fan. He’s so young; and already he’s got so many followers… Last week I texted him personally; practically begged to meet him. He said, we’ll soon. He was sooo sweet….”
– “My dear…?”
– “What?”
– “He is DOM.”
– “Who?”
– “The guy next room. And he’s my friend. I love his articles too. He shifted there a couple of days back; told me he wanted to surprise someone.”
– “Are you freaking kidding me?”
– “No; you’re kidding me. I saw you yesterday morning in the hallway, when he knocked on your door. He took your name, said hi; and you were like ‘yeah, dream on’. And then you slammed the door shut on his face.”
– “I want the ground to open up and swallow me, right now…”
– “You had no idea who he was when he shifted next door. But you saw him and you figured out his cultural background; and you decided he was gonna be a ‘problem’. Your entire attitude was directed at the image you had constructed of him in your mind, rather than at the actual person in front of you. You stereotyped him. Placed him in groups, as per his religion and race and gender; acted accordingly. Ironically, this is the same guy who warns about care to be taken by migrants and natives alike, to make cultural diversity a peaceful and constructive idea, in his writings. I’m sure you remember that peace. You see, maybe majority people of a group behave in certain ways; but not all. And that’s why we must never assume anything.”
– “God, what he must be thinking of me now…”
– “What you didn’t get to see, was how he responded to the insult after you shut the door. He stood there for a moment in silence, letting it pass in and out of him; then he smiled once, nodded to himself; and walked back to him room, his shoulders straight; his gait unaffected. In that moment, I saw everything we read in his blogs, in him. This guy is real deal. He’s genuine. He talks about strength in his blogs, for he has it, with its understanding. I was with him all day long yesterday. He didn’t know I had seen what happened; and he didn’t mention it to anyone either. Just told me later in the evening that he was inspired to write about funny things that happen with cultural diversity. Do you see his positivity?”
– “I’m so sorry… I get it now. From now on, I’ll respond to the person rather than reacting to the group I assume they belong to. From now on, no stereotyping. No assumptions. No prejudices and biases. I was worried about his mess; here I turned out to be the one who made mess. I’ll go talk to him now. Thanks.”

#society #social #culture #diversity #metro #modern #world #people #race #religion #gender #ethnicity #migration #migrants #differences #thought #positive #thinking #awareness #unity #strength #stereotype #prejudice #bias #assumption #hatred #hate #racism #sexism #attitude

Differences Aren’t The Problem…

Opinions aren’t the problem.
Problem is, we want only ours to be declared as truth.
That’s where discussion becomes a quarrel.

Perceptions aren’t the problem.
Problem is, we want everyone to say the same.
That’s when talks turn to fights.

Ideas aren’t the problem.
Problem is, we want to see ours turned to structures too soon.
That’s where we lose tune with possibilities of betterment.

Methods aren’t the problem.
Problem is, we want only ours to turn to traditions too soon.
That’s when we dig pits where progress would trip.

What’s different isn’t the problem.
Problem is, we’re too quick to see it as a threat to our rituals.
That’s where we part ways with reason.

Variety isn’t the problem.
Problem is, we fear colors we don’t see much.
That’s when we forget rainbow looks beautiful specifically due to mismatched colors.

#differences #opinions #perceptions #tolerance #variety #ideas #awareness #fear #resentment #hate #hatred #openminded #mind #society #discussion #argument #debate #talks #communication #traditions #ritual #racism #sexism #religion #people #thought #new #liberal #modern #maturity

“My Kid Is Sixteen Now…”

– “I’m so tense.”
– “Why?”
– “My daughter is sixteen now. And she’s bringing a boy home today. I don’t think she’s prepared for this.”
– “Are you?”
– “No, I’m neither. I keep thinking, what if she turns out like me? I have this feel that the same things that happened to me when I was her age, are waiting for her too. She’s so innocent; same as I was back then. Men are trash, you know. All that betrayal… All that pain… Can she handle it? Can I forgive myself if she can’t? Maybe I shouldn’t allow her to date at all, you know…”
– “You remind me of a male friend I have. Whenever his son dates a rich girl, he gets so upset.”
– “Why? What’s wrong with rich girls?”
– “He, my friend, had a nasty experience with a rich girl he met abroad, when he was young and pursuing his MBA. He was in depression for a year. He has signed all rich folks as untrustworthy.”
– “Why does my story remind you of him?”
– “Both of you are same. You’re superimposing your past experiences as guaranteed futures for your kids.”
– “Are we wrong?”
– “When you have stomach infection due to bad food, do you prevent your kids from eating altogether? Or do you tell them to be cautious?”
– “But kids don’t listen-”
– “That’s because they see the panic, not the thought. They hear just “Don’t”. They see the lack of reason. If you’re honest, even you’ll agree that you’re exaggerating when you categorize all men as trash. It’s panic-driven overgeneralization. Kids see through it. We aren’t winning any wars by teaching girls to hate men and training boys to hate women. They don’t get communication from you. They see the compulsive anxious attempt at domination; they don’t like it and they reject it.”
– “So what should I do?”
– “Understand what having a kid means. Kids are opportunities given to us. By nature. To lead to a future better than our present. But we can’t design or dictate that future for them. For we don’t know, not for real, what’s really waiting for them in their future; and assuming it’ll be same as ours is too naïve. They have to make a selection, when they arrive at it. Our task is to empower them, now, for the right selection when the time comes.”
– “And how can I empower?”
– “First you have to empower yourself. Facts empower us. Communicate with yourself and get better self-awareness. Get introspective. You’ve spent your entire adult life blocking your past. Face it now. Process what happened to you and why it happened. Remember that it’s not just about who did what to you. We also need to process what part of us made pain possible. We can work on it. We can get our facts right. And we can place those facts forward; as data for our kids to pick their selections out of it. That’s how we train our kids to find their strengths before the world exploits their weaknesses; that’s how they’ll attract better prospects in their lives. Let them know that relationship is about merge of two people’s strengths and those strengths have to be assessed first before hormones overwhelm us to call it love. Let them see that relationship is not a facility for emotional dependence; that’s what dupes us. Let them know that it’s about accepting, empowering and respecting yourself first; and letting others respond to that strength in you; so that you too can respect those who can match with that strength. Place an inspiration for self-awareness in it; that’s how you win this.”

#relationship #couple #dating #he #she #boyfriend #girlfriend #marriage #betrayal #abuse #domination #cheating #emotion #feeling #thinking #awareness #self #selfrespect #maturity #past #pain #future #society #gender #differences #feminism #equality #sexism #positive #empowerment

“Single…” Yes; So?

Monologue of an independent single soul:

“Hi!
Saw your comment on my relationship status yesterday. Saw that overuse of LOL emoticons as well. Cleared a lot of things, you know. I didn’t react at the time; for I needed time for a response.

Yes, I’m single !
And yes. It’s OK.
I’m happy; for I choose to be.
“How can someone be happy being single?” Well, the question originates from that stupid idea that it’s our partners’ task to keep us happy.
I’m happy and I need nobody’s permission to feel so.

Ours is a brainwashed generation. Cinema and TV series have programmed a belief in our minds. It says, a guy has to have a girl and a girl has to be with a guy. Sure, love and attraction and sex are natural and true… but earlier there was no social compulsion in it. Today, people look at you as if you’re a disorder if you’re single. Do we realise how silly that is? Anyways, it’s OK. I don’t care. “You can’t feel OK unless you’re glued to someone” – yeah, I throw that stupid idea away. I say no to solitude shaming.

I’m not angry at you. I pity you. You’ve exposed your insecurity in front of me, you know?

…We know each other since forth grade. And I’ve always observed something about you. You’ve never been able to maintain your individual identity ! Kid next bench gets a new pen, you wanted one too ! School, college, jobs, I’ve always observed it. Your clothes, shoe brands… you always had to follow someone. Their trends; their fashions. You’ve always been a follower! And not even a consistent one. Continuous changes. You know why? That’s because you could never be OK with yourself as you are. Inferiority complex has always scared you. You’ve always sought an agreeability by rejecting personal identity and placing yourself in a herd.

Same goes with your relationships. How many have been there so far? Eight? Ten? Third in last month? Can’t even count? Yeah, there’s a reason. You never had relations; you had compulsive social dramas of being with someone. World told you that only that’s how you’re OK; and you followed. Didn’t check the compatibility. It wasn’t love, dear; it was fear. That fear of being single drove you to get glued to someone new right next day of a breakup. Only to end in a new breakup, of course; after all how many times you’d spend fifty bucks on coffee in expensive cafés? How many times those dramas of roses and hearts would sustain you? How many times you’d book a condo on the beach and have sex? The shapes of bodies remain same, more or less. After all, where’s that connect between minds? You buy gifts for your partners, not for love; but for the fear that demands the pricetag must be heavy or else they’ll find other options.

… It’s simple how all that connects with you needing to laugh at me ! After all these dramas you’re still insecure; and without any of it I’m still OK ! You think you’ve successfully hidden your fear; one look at me crashes it all back on your head ! Of course you’d laugh on me, to hide it again…! It’s a defense mechanism, dear, that protects your from your jealousy…! If you had strong relationship, then you’d have had the maturity it takes too; and you wouldn’t have laughed.

… Anyways; don’t bother thinking how to react to this. Won’t be of any use; my positivity is at a shameless level. And if you really want to think, then instead of thinking about why I’m happy being single, think about why you feel single even when being a couple. You’ll cry a river, but do try laughing. Like you laughed on me. And the beginning working on yourself. All the best.”

#love #relationship #couple #single #boyfriend #girlfriend #breakup #divorce #bachelor #individual #individualism #self #help #jealousy #resentment #pain #mentality #mindset #attitude #emotion #feelings #thinking #solitude #shaming #bullying #society #social #media #happiness #OK

Guilt Trap : It’s a Choice to Walk Into One.

– “I’m breaking up with my boyfriend.”
– “Good. You needed it.”
– “But I feel guilty.”
– “Why?”
– “He says, he can’t concentrate on his career and I’m responsible for the fall in his growth.”
– “That’s what he says.”
– “Yes.”
– “And you agree. Question is, why.”
– “I know it makes no sense. But…”
– “But you also think maybe he’s right, yes?”
– “If he can’t find happiness in his life, I won’t be able to forgive myself.”

– “My ex called today. Again.”
– “What did she want now?”
– “Same. As soon as I pick up the phone, she starts screaming abuses.”
– “And you keep listening.”
– “Dude, I can’t just disconnect.”
– “You already have. She’s your ex.”
– “Yes, but… On some level, I feel responsible for her well-being. She’s too emotional. You know, she even feels guilty later. She called an hour later, again, to say sorry. She’s in so much pain.”
– “What did you say in the first call, after the grand reward of abuses?”
– “I said I’ll always be there for her.”
– “Do you know that yesterday she posted on WhatsApp the entire recording of how she had a quarrel with her current boyfriend?”
– “Uh, no.”
– “And she called you today, making sure she gets to hear the words, ‘I’m there for you’. Do you see a linkage?”
– “What do you mean?”
– “Dude, are you her goddamn emotional fall-back strategy?”

– “What’s with the waterworks?”
– “My son called.”
– “Wanted more money, didn’t he?”
– “And his name on the land papers.”
– “This is the same one who changes jobs twice a year, yes?”
– “He can’t find peace anywhere. He blames us.”
– “After you dried your entire savings for his education and lavish lifestyle abroad?”
– “He wanted to start a business. We couldn’t give him any money; my husband had a bypass last year. He says we don’t encourage him. Maybe… He’s right, you know…”
– “Yeah? Does he also want the two of you to stand next to the bed and encourage him while he has sex with those girlfriends he changes each fifteen days?”

There are parasites. For there are hosts.
There are predators. For there are preys.
Wolves exist because rabbits do.
Traps work, for captives agree to walk in.
Emotions are manipulated, for the thought behind the feeling isn’t processed.

“I’m responsible for their emotional well-being.” No you aren’t. For you can’t be. It’s physically impossible. They’re adults. It’s their own duty to be responsible for their happiness. It can’t be given, it can’t be manufactured. It’s a choice and they have to make it for themselves. If they can’t, then they have to find strengths to arrive at that capacity; and again, strength can’t be “given” as well. It has to be unlocked within.

Question isn’t about them. It’s you.
Why do you agree with them?
What part of you tells you to?
Thoughts screw us when they’re patterned.
“Right kind of partner… Parent… Friend…”
It’s not original; we get these ideas externally. We install them in mind without check. Patterns become sentiments; reject logic; and bring pain. Patterns are identified and used against you. Growth and relief are in getting out of patterns.
So identify those patterns. And throw them away.

#emotion #feelings #thought #think #pattern #weakness #pain #hurt #blame #game #relations #relationship #love #caring #boyfriend #girlfriend #ex #couple #parenting #manipulation #mindset #victim #victimization #abuse #passive #aggressive #psychology #counseling #awareness #parasites

Weakness: Strength, Awaiting A “Yes”.

– “Teacher?”
– “My Child?”
– “I’m a subject of constant ridicule.”
– “Very good.”
– “What’s good? I hate it. I’m bullied and invalidated, all for my poor sight and lack of skills at sports.”
– “What’s good, is that others have declared what they see in you to be your ultimate limit. Why that’s good, is because they fail to see beyond that limit. They underestimate you. As competitors, you can ask for none better.”
– “But what do I have beyond that limit? I’m not an expert in anything, like you…”
– “I’m no expert, my Child.”
– “Oh, but you are, sir. You’re our King’s chief advisor in warfare and strategy.”
– “Something I became only after an understanding.”
– “You found your strengths.”
– “By embracing my weakness.”
– “Embracing weakness?”
– “My Child, as you can see, there’s little beauty about me, with this twisted face and misaligned teeth. My parents pushed me away to join the army; for they knew no girl would want to marry me. I accepted, for the food was free.”
– “Oh, that’s sad.”
– “And it remained so, for a while. They tried their best to train me for combat. I tried my best to show them it was futile. With my short height and stumped growth, I was more useful as a joke than a sparring partner to others. I could never swing a blade more than a quarter circle; nor could I heft a shield above knee-height. I ate alone and wept in the dark, dreading the dawn each night, cursing my fate and hating my existence.”
– “How did you rise so far, then?”
– “When the war with our neighbor state began, I spent first five days saving myself. On sixth day, I realised the credit for my survival went to the enemy rather than my hiding skills. You see, I was seen as the least threat in battle; my taller brothers-in-arms were prioritized. My gait, for the first time in my life, had proved useful to me. That night, as I knelt among my fallen comrades, smelling their lost blood and hearing joyful hoots from the enemy camp, I had my moment of awakening.”
– “What did you do then?”
– “I didn’t return. I got up and ran straight ahead, toward the enemy. I shedded my battered fatigues and donned our tattered flag around my body, and presented myself to the captain of our enemy’s army. I said in their accent, ‘A gift from our king, sire; for our brave soldier’s entertainment. I’m a jongleur.'”
– “Oh, my god….”
– “The moment stretched to eternity, as I waited for a blade to part my head off my shoulders, thinking my bluff would be seen through. It didn’t come. On the contrary, they hooted and cheered, happy for the good times ahead. That night, I told them every single dwarf joke I was ever mocked with, enacting each one with jumps and squats, running all over their camp; encouraging more ale; noticing who was placed where; what was stationed where; their armory; their food; their sleeping quarters, everything. As laughter and ale and fatigue consumed them and they fell asleep, I escaped and returned to our own camp; and let our captain know everything I had seen. Including the strategy of attack.”
– “Wow….”
– “We attacked before dawn came, precisely as per my suggestions. Our win was clean and swift that day. Shocking and stunning. Everyone realised what a dwarf can do to the enemy. I earned respect and recognition that night, including the King’s. I carried out many such missions later. I began training other men who were like me, turning fate’s cruelty into their greatest strength. That’s how I have risen, my Child. By embracing what I had rather than hating what I hadn’t. And so need you.”
– “Yes, sir…”
– “Poor sight means a honed hearing ability. You fail in sports but I’ve seen you to be the master in hide-and-seek. You have an acute sense of who’d be hiding where. I’ve known that to be a spy’s greatest ability. Or a police investigator’s. See your weaknesses as the mirrors of strengths they are. Acknowledge those strengths. Winning is in letting what you are express itself truly. Go, son. Win.”

#success #winner #victory #growth #progress #achievement #accomplishment #fulfillment #ambition #aspiration #inspiration #motivation #struggle #effort #weakness #strength #criticism #mockery #bullying #rise #transformation #goals #objective #focus #ability #capacity #potential

Shaming, Deconstructed

There’s what you want me to know about me.
And then there’s what I know about you, that you don’t know.

When you mock me,
When you judge me,
When you criticize me,
There’s shame that you want me to feel.
For my poverty and looks and past.
For my losses and failures and lacks.
For everything that has nothing to do with you.
And that tells me something.

It tells me you have a need.
To make me feel less.
And it’s a compulsive need.
You’d be upset if I don’t feel less.

Question is, why?
Answer is, because.

Because, you have insecurities.
Because, you aren’t sure about yourself.
Because, you know deep down what you have isn’t fully in your control.
Because, it was give to you; you didn’t earn it.
Because, you fear you don’t deserve what you have.
Because, you think you might have my kind of sadness in your future; and it scares the crap out of you.
Because, you need to cling to feeling good.
And that means, you need to express hate for everything you fear you might face, in your own future.
Hoping, that hate will keep those things away from you.
Hoping, hating sadness is a ticket to assured happiness.

Dear, there’s a basic difference between me and you.
You see, I dislike my sadness too.
But still I embrace it.
I look at it in the eye and listen to what it has to say about me.
I listen to my weaknesses and I work on them.
I listen to reasons of my failures and I work on adding the skills I didn’t have.
I use my pain; it’s my inspiration to get out of it.
I know I’m on the path toward victory.
I know I have gains in my future.
And tell you what…
I don’t have to hate my sad situation.
Because I know what to do if it hits me again in future.
I’m its student. I’m ready for it.
I’ve transcended my need to hate what we fear.

Can you say the same about yourself?

#judgment #criticism #mockery #life #situation #sadness #happiness #resentment #hate #hatred #past #jealousy #bullying #pain #hurt #past #failure #shame #defamation #harassment #social #society #people #strength #awareness #positive #thinking

(Dis)comfort Zones

– “I want to reach my goals.”
– “You mean, you want to be your goals.”
– “Meaning?”
– “Success isn’t a destination.”
– “Then?”
– “It’s what we become. Life situations are in tune with what we are, at present. Being successful is in transforming into a compatibility with it.”
– “Yes, I agree. But I wonder if I can handle the pain of that change.”
– “Can you handle the pain of being unchanged at present?”
– “It’s… uncomfortable as well; but it’s… uhh…”
– “Familiar, is what it is. We call it ‘comfort zone’; it’s actually ‘familiar discomfort zone’. We agree to stay in it for it’s a known pain; and we’re scared of the unknown. Point is, we conveniently forget how uncomfortable we are at present. You’re taking a beating from life in every aspect of it. Finances, career, relationship, fitness, peace. It’s an incompatibility with life; and the degree of that incompatibility only adds up as days go by. So does the pain. We agree to that rise in pain for it’s gradual. Remember the story of the frog in the pan of boiling water? We become that frog – it doesn’t jump out; for the heat adds up gradually and it adjusts to it. Only result is death. Elimination; a reward of failure to evolve.”
– “Yes.”
– “You want motivation for growth? How about inspiration? There are two kinds of pain. Pain at present. Pain in future. Staying in comfort zones guarantees both. Walking out of comfort zones still keeps the first; but it promises a chance at cancellation of the latter, at least. It’s a simple math, my friend. The better choice is obvious for someone who doesn’t want pain. The whole point of growth is cancellation of pains; and the path goes though unfamiliar discomforts. Wake up to how intense today’s pains are; that reality check will give you a push to jump out of the boiling water.”

#success #growth #progress #goal #objective #ambition #inspiration #motivation #aspiration #dreams #comfortzones #discomforts #pain #struggle #effort #resilience #dedication #fight #adaptation #transformation #change #development #improvement #betterment #fulfillment #achievement #accomplishment #gains #winner #mindset

Words V/S Action

Tell people your plans; they’ll laugh.
Show people your effort; they’ll criticize.
Be consistent at that effort; they won’t notice.
For they won’t be around anymore.
Except in the end.
When your success grabs your critics by throat.
And roars at their face.

Know that your critics fall under the category of “most people”.
Know that most people aren’t consistent.
Know that most people aren’t persistent.
Know that most people are talkers; not doers.
Know that most people can’t stay true to the path.
Know that most people deviate.
That’s why most people aren’t winners.
That’s why they become critics; for they get jealous.
Winners aren’t “most people”.
Winners spare no energy in talks .
For they’re busy in action.
Being a winner is being shamelessly persistent.
Being a winner is being someone critics can only talk about but can’t match with.
Being a winner is silently outliving your critics simply by being at it like clockwork.

Fearing mockery?
A spark is mocked; for it’s yet to burn things down.
Be the fire that turns things up.
They’ll line up to be inspired by you.

Fearing criticism?
Speech is mocked; for it’s just a description of a future.
Be the action that that turns it to reality.
They’ll line up to look up to you.

Fearing judgment?
What you are is judged; for you’re yet to reach.
Be the destination others want to be at.
They’ll line up to be trained by you.

Words are voices; action is soul.
Words are noise; action is statement.
Words are perceptions; action is truth.
Words are plans; action is actuality.
Words are dreams; action is reality.
Doers work in silence.
They let their results roar.

#success #goals #objective #dreams #ambition #inspiration #motivation #aspiration #growth #progress #action #effort #speech #argument #mockery #criticism #judgment #people #social #achievement #accomplishment #fulfillment #gains #development #improvement #advancement #transformation #winner #loser #results

Roles We Play On Social Media

– “I’m disappointed in you.”
– “Great.”
– “What do you mean great?”
– “Keeping people satisfied all the time gets you taken for granted. People get used to it. Disappointment brings them back to reality.”
– “I expected you to join the debate. You didn’t.”
– “Oh? And what was the debate about?”
– “I told you. Religion. Politics. Social inequality.”
– “So nothing new, huh?”
– “It’s important to discuss these issues.”
– “Discuss? I thought it was a debate.”
– “Discussions lead to debate.”
– “So letting out steam, basically? Brawling, huh?”
– “These debates are important to build a better society.”
– “And what was the platform for this debate?”
– “There’s an online community called-“
– “Oh, sweet! So nobody had to physically haul ass anywhere! Good. And who got profited out of it?”
– “Huh? Profit? This wasn’t about profit. This was-”
– “See that wall over there?”
– “Huh?”
– “Go bang your head on it.”
– “Listen to me you arrogant bast-”
– “No, you listen to me, you dumb retard. There’s profit in everything. Whoever runs that community got a shitload of reactions and comments today; making them an excitation for the algorithm. Gravitating more and more retards like you toward it. Helping them brand their name. They wanted advertising; you went and got it for them. Tell me, who was discussing religion? Those who thought their religion was under threat by some other religion, right? So a bunch of haters, basically. Tell me, who was discussing politics? Those who never actually join it, right? So a bunch of followers of some dipshit leader, basically. Now tell me, who was discussing social inequality? Those who went and bought liquor, instead of education, when someone gave them money, right? So a bunch of good-for-nothings, basically. You know what’s common in all of you? You wanted to blame someone else, that’s what.”
– “So?”
– “Do you know your reality? You have huge vacuums of inaction and failures in your own lives. You know you need to work on it. But you’re damn too lazy about it and you know you ain’t even gonna fill up those vacuums on your own. So you need a cover to hide it all. You need to divert attention to someone else; hoping the world will see you as a victim rather than the lazy ass that you are. You get that cover with these debates. You want to waste huge time and energy in these stupid fights. Gives you an excuse for not applying that same time and energy where it counts – on yourself.”
– “But that’s self-centeredness. We need these discussions to-”
– “You don’t discuss shit; you mouth off at each other, is all. You get a fortification for the roles you’re all playing in this drama. You think you’re protectors of your people and religion and culture and history. You want to believe the roles are your reality. They ain’t, pal. You think screaming at others is going to make the world come and solve your problems for you. I got news for you. That trick doesn’t work. Many have tried and all have failed. Know why? Because you can’t control the world; you can control only yourself. It’s nature. Nature doesn’t give a shit about how much you’re screaming. It’s survival of the fittest; elimination of the weak. You don’t want to get off-ed, you get your shit straight and focus on yourself; you apply the strengths you have; you add to them; you get an output; you invest it as capital for further work and that’s how you grow. You want progress? Shut your hole; open eyes and ears; get knowledge and apply it. That’s how you end your need to scream.”

#society #social #media #people #community #group #sentiment #feelings #thought #thinking #religion #race #history #politics #discussion #debate #argument #fight #resentment #hate #hatred #anger #unrest #abuse #self #help #awareness #focus #time #individual

The Talker, The Listener, and The Observer

There were three of them.
The Talker. The Listener. And the Observer.

The Talker talked a lot.
But he spoke very little.
He had a big reputation.
But it had weak foundations.
He boasted a lot.
But he achieved very little.
He criticized and judged a lot.
But he was hardly disciplined himself.
He had vacuums in his life.
He needed a cover. His way of speech provided that.
The Listener was his favorite target.

The Listener listened.
And he got upset.
He heard the talks and got intimidated.
He heard the boasts and got jealous.
He heard the criticism and got insecure.
He saw the flaw in it; he caught the lie.
That added to his insecurity; he developed a compulsion.
To argue. To talk back. To defend. Via offense.
Or “hard work”.

The Observer was patient.
He said nothing. He just nodded keenly.
Letting the Talker as well as the Listener know he was interested.
The Talker thought he had a prey in his traps.
The fool didn’t realize he was the prey.
He thought he had lured the Observer’s attention.
Truth was, the Observer had lured the Talker’s attention.
The Listener thought he had a supporter.
The fool didn’t realize he was engaged in a fight he didn’t need.
The Talker went on talking. The Listener went on counter-arguing.
Boasted achievements were discredited.
Described ways of work were answered with better ones.
Explained tactics and strategies were counter-engineered.
Both hoped to get admiration and respect.
They got it – at least that’s what they saw in the Observer’s politeness.
The price? The Observer knew the limit of their knowledge.
And their emotional weaknesses too.

It was useful in the long run.
Really useful.
Today, the Talker is handling a post in Marketing where his reputation is gambled on.
The Listener is working hard in Engineering so as to give the Talker no chance to complain.
The Observer is their boss; and he’s reaping benefits of both their hard work.

#career #job #business #management #corporate #speech #boss #employee #office #politics #work #strategy #tactic #communication #argument #rivalry #stress #competition #growth #advancement #increment #stress #hardwork #smartwork #focus #choice #manager #worker #winner #progress

Life: It’s A Choice

– “Life isn’t being fair to me.”
– “Are you sick?”
– “Yes. My bones ache.”
– “Do you have a roof over your head?”
– “Yes, but it’s leaking.”
– “Can’t you fix it?”
– “I can; but I don’t know where my money goes…”
– “Do you have a job?”
– “Yes; but it pays less than the earlier job.”
– “Have you learned new skills?”
– “I have no time.”
– “Do you have food twice a day?”
– “Yes; but it’s not spicy enough.”
– “Precisely. That’s the problem.”
– “Yes. I’m a mess.”
– “No, I meant, you’re the reason behind the mess.”
– “What?”
– “There’s a sequence here. You had a good job. It was a platform for you to learn what’s new and jump higher. But you chose to see it as an excuse to sprawl and get comfy. The time you should’ve spent in investments was lost in finding new restaurants and indulging in what was spicy. It affected your health and you lost your efficiency. You lost your job to new talent; and without new skills you weren’t wanted. So you had to accept a job with lesser salary. Despite of the less money you still haven’t stopped your indulgences. That doesn’t allow you to fix the leaking roof. With all the added moisture, your health is deteriorating further and now your bones ache.”
– “How can you blame me? I’m the victim here?”
– “My friend, you’re your own victim. Life isn’t happening to you. You’re happening to life. Life isn’t a movie being played out in front of you. You’re directing its course with your choices. There’s a specific course of consequences to all choices. Being blind to it isn’t an excuse; for Nature sees it as the very sin that calls for punishment.”
– “So what should I do now? I’m used to living with comforts…”
– “See your choices anew. Select the best out of them. I can see those Cuban cigars and that English whisky there. Yeah sure; that could be your best choice. You’ll be happy for a short while. Forget your aches. Price is, pretty soon you die of pneumonia and liver failure. Good enough?”
– “No, no…”
– “Then either put up or shut up. You need health to begin anything; so you need to begin with health. Throw away those habits; save money and fix that goddamn roof first. Limit spicy food to weekends; eat you veggies in the week.”
– “Uhh… But-”
– “Again, put up or shut up. You want motivation? How about possibility of staying alive? Eat healthy, work out; get your health back. Spend a couple of hours each day learning what’s new in your professional field. Get new strengths; place them forward. Get employed. Or give employments. Or teach. Guide. Do something. Something new and constructive and productive. Think multiple moves ahead; on multiple paths of life. Get a better spectrum of positive possibilities; leave better chances for positive actualities to come to you. Keep exploring your choices and keep applying yourself on better ones. Continuously. Living is in the inputs we offer to life. Make sure they’re the best for the present moment. That proactive approach is how you’ll win.”

#success #win #winning #life #growth #progress #empowerment #awareness #betterment #improvement #self #help #inspiration #motivation #focus #effort #choice #decision #failure #victory #social #people #achievement #accomplishment #fulfillment #possibility #positive #creative #productive #proactive

Retrospect of a Winner: Descriptions V/S Definitions

When they told me, “You can’t”,
I agreed. It was true of me, that time.
Except, I knew times can change.
That was hope.
And I didn’t accept what I agreed.
That was inspiration.
That changed the game.

When they told me, “It’s not up to the mark”,
I agreed. It was true of my effort, that time.
Except, I knew today’s gain is tomorrow’s investment.
That was strategy.
And what they thought was my goal, was a mere milestone for me.
That was motivation.
That changed the game.

When they told me, “We’ve seen better”,
I agreed. So had I.
Except, my only competitor was my own past.
That was understanding.
And I knew winning was in being one step ahead than yesterday.
That was the plan.
That changed the game.

When they told me, “You could do better”,
I agreed. I had planned the same.
Except, I wanted to check if I had followed a true path.
That was introspection.
And I knew, being on a straight line isn’t always possible.
That was improvisation.
That changed the game.

When they told me, “You won”,
I agreed. I had won.
Except, I was showing them only what they had seen before.
And I wanted to see what no-one had seen yet.
That was growth.
And I knew, learning comes with unlearning too.
That was transcendence of pride.

They were describing my present.

I was busy defining my future.
Today, some call me a “legend”.

#success #win #winner #legend #goal #objective #ambition #aspiration #dreams #inspiration #motivation #progress #growth #development #betterment #improvement #focus #dedication #achievement #accomplishment #gains #self #help #maturity #transcendence #learning #unlearning #effort #transformation #confidence

Past: A Mood Of Present

– “I can’t forgive that.”
– “You can’t or you won’t?”
– “I wouldn’t even if I could.”
– “Do you know why?”
– “What happened was wrong. Unforgivable.”
– “But it was in past. Those people aren’t there anymore. And those circumstances aren’t there anymore.”
– “Doesn’t make a difference to me.”
– “Tell me. How long is this list of yours?”
– “What list?”
– “I’ve heard this way too many times from you. Sometimes it’s what happened last week. Or last month. Or five years ago. Or back in sixth grade. Or 1950. Or 1240. Or second century BC. Different reasons. Different people and places. But you’re always there with this same attitude. The right kind of animated expressions. Shaking head. Eyes boiling with anger.”
– “All those reasons are legit.”
– “You want them to be legit. It helps you.”
– “What do you mean?”
– “Tell me. How’s your job going?”
– “I got no promotion this time.”
– “Why don’t you change the job?”
– “Can’t. Don’t have the skills the new kids have these days.”
– “How’s your wife?”
– “You know that. She doesn’t want to be with me.”
– “And how’s that porn addiction going on?”
– “Shut up. I’m not addicted. I just… sometimes… uh…”
– “So you got a sweetly screwed up present…”
– “What’s your point?”
– “…on which you need to work…”
– “I…”
– “…except you don’t want to work on it…”
– “Wh-“
– “…which necessitates a cover to hide that inaction…”
– “Hey-“
– “…which is conveniently provided by all this ‘hate’ of a past.”
– “Huh?”
– “Sweetheart, truth is, past is just data. Something happened. That’s it. But then it gets a shade. Either good or bad. First, it depends on who writes the story. Then, it depends on who reads it. The writer as well as the reader works on that data as per their own sentiments and belief systems and perceptions. Sometimes it turns that data into a useful camouflage when our present is empty. Sometimes we want to hate a group of people, religion, race, caste, ethnicity, nationality; because their progress and our own failures at present irritate us. So we dig up some crap that happened in the past; a story in which they were the villains. That way we can invalidate their gains and sympathize with our losses. Other times, we need motivation to work on the present; we look around for our own people and see nothing but useless bastards; so we look at our ancestors in the past; hoping to get energized by their bravery. Past is a source of sentiments we want to use in the present. Sometimes it’s an escape too. Nostalgia of simplicities of childhood hide us from our complicated presents.”
– “Yes…”
– “But it’s all temporary and ultimately futile, dear. Life demands to be lived here and now. Problems exist right there and they ask for solutions compatible with now. Past won’t help you; it’ll only cloud your judgment and keep you distracted. You need to work on yourself. Haul ass and apply yourself. Being busy hating the past won’t help; you’re only fooling yourself. You’re procrastinating that effort; but troubles are real patient creatures. They won’t go away; they’ll be right there waiting to bite you as soon as you open eyes each morning. So stop this nonsense and get to work.”

#past #present #history #sentiment #resentment #feelings #emotion #thinking #thought #perception #focus #story #hate #hatred #anger #anguish #nostalgia #future #effort #politics #social #media #public #people #life #mind #psychology #now #procrastination #awareness

Winning: Scheduling The “Cheatings” Wisely.

– “I’ve given too much for this.”
– “A necessity for a win.”
– “I’ve sacrificed a lot.”
– “An essentiality for a gain.”
– “Yes; but I’m… losing it…”
– “Are you now?”
– “Yes. Don’t get me wrong; I’m still in the drive. The passion is still there. I want what I want. But it’s all mechanical now. There’s no fun in it anymore; not the way it used to be. Earlier, I used to get up and think about what I had planned for the day. Now, I just remind myself of all the things I haven’t done since millennia; all the things I’ve starved myself of. I still push myself forward and I’m sincere at it; but it’s a weird space I’m in, mentally. Sometimes I wonder, is it even worth it? Worth all the loss and self-denial?”
– “And then you scold yourself as well; for thinking such things, right?”
– “Yes. For it feels like cheating. Betraying my goals. Even thinking like that.”
– “There’s something about growth that you need to understand. There’s a big Parent and a little Child, in all of us. The Parent in us wants a big future for us. That’s why we set goals; along with a list of strict sacrifices to achieve those goals. The Child doesn’t care for future; the Child is all about fun in here and now. The Child wants immediate gratification. Needless to say, growth comes with a war between this Parent and the Child. Sacrifices bring un-satiated hungers; and a hungry Child gets rebellious. Fearing the effects of that rebellion, the Parent gets stricter, more demanding. It produces a gap of miscommunication between the two; and we begin feeling weird.”
– “I can relate. Sometimes I’m the Parent. Sometimes I’m the Child. Is there no solution to this?”
– “There is. For there’s a third ‘you’ in you. You have to use it.”
– “A third me?”
– “Yes. The Adult you. The Adult is an adjudicator between Parent and Child. The Adult works with reality with real terms. It doesn’t have the desire for short-term gratification like the Child; but it also doesn’t have the unreal demands of Parent as well.”
– “Are the Parent’s demands unreal?”
– “Of course they are. The Parent is all good for it’s that which gets you the win you want; but the Parent uses words like ‘never’ for all the fun you’re sacrificing. Which is unreal. The Parent wants you to totally invalidate the Child’s desires – you can’t do that, dear. The Child is there; it’ll always be there. You leave it hungry far too long, it’ll go mute for a while – and then it’ll explode one day like crazy. We call it ‘the meltdown’. That day you’ll do some crazy stuff that’ll erase all the progress you’ve made so far.”
– “So how should I be Adult about it?”
– “Use Child as well as Parent. Today they’re fighting. Let them work for each other.”
– “How?”
– “Time it out. Sequence it. Let there be exact time-frames of no-nonsense discipline to respect the Parent; followed by an exact day of reward for the Child for being a good kid all those days. It’s not about never cheating; it’s about scheduling the cheatings wisely. You know, even professional bodybuilders, who’re known for their strict adherence to diet, have ‘cheat-days’ when they go out and wolf down a pizza or two. Once the Child in you is happy, you’ll be happy; and you’ll have the zest to get back into the game the next day. Give yourself positive strokes for all the effort you’re putting in; you deserve it. Winning is to be enjoyed, dear. Don’t forget that. It’s OK; and it’s necessary as well. Nobody can pull off a ‘never’ for what they love to do and still have the zest to win. Of course, make sure you’re no-nonsense when it’s time to be the Parent; but make sure you’re no-nonsense when it’s time to be Child too. Keep both of them happy; and you’ll be finely tuned with your growth. That’s how you win and have fun while you’re winning.”

#win #winning #success #failure #discipline #routine #control #self #sacrifices #diet #plans #workout #focus #dedication #victory #achievement #progress #goals #objective #ambition #dreams #life #passion #strength #mind #power #growth #schedule #cheating #strict

Laugh Louder Than Them.

It’s a message, when they laugh at your pain.
“We think you’re less.”
Don’t react. Respond.
“I know. And I couldn’t care less.”
Laugh louder than them.

They’ve barely begun to see pain.
They think it’s entertainment; for it isn’t theirs.
They think it’s your weakness.
Fools don’t know it’s your greatest strength.
Laugh louder than them.

Pain demands to be felt.
They’re judging what they haven’t felt.
What you felt, hasn’t broken you.
What fails to break you, makes you strong.
Laugh louder than them.

They merely adopted pain; you were born in it.
You were its favorite child.
And it’s your graduation now.
They’re yet to see the school.
Laugh louder than them.

Should’ve been education for them.
Fools aren’t paying attention.
Today you’re in it.
Tomorrow they’ll be; and they don’t know.
Laugh louder than them.

They think they’re secured.
No-one ever is.
Survival asks for constant vigilance.
Defeat favors the arrogant for they’re ignorant.
Laugh louder than them.

You’ve seen; they haven’t.
You’ve listened; they haven’t.
You’ve served your sentence; they haven’t.
You’ll be served; they wouldn’t.
Laugh louder than them.

#criticism #judging #judgment #abuse #bully #bullying #mockery #humiliation #insult #harassment #mental #torture #mindgames #society #social #interpersonal #people #awareness #maturity #growth #pain #hurt #transformation #transcendence #strength #strong #experience #life #lessons #selfhelp

It’s All About How We Speak.

The king had a big ministry.
Two ministers were quite bright.
But one had jealousy with the other.
He complained to the King’s Advisor, “His Highness favors the other one more than me. Not fair. I work hard. For our nation. For our people. For our king. His Highness should pay attention to me too.”
The Advisor smiled. He said, “We’ll discuss this tomorrow.”

The next day, as the King settled on his throne, the Advisor said, “My King, our people have a complaint with the Jongleur’s Guild. The Guildmaster seems to train the jongleurs poorly. The stories they play out are too predictable; the acting too mechanical. People pay handsomely for these shows; but they feel they’re cheated with.”
The King grunted; and ordered the Guildmaster to be presented in front of him immediately.

The man was old and wrinkled; with worry and lifelong sorrows settled in his gait.
The King described the issue to him; and said, “It seems you’re falling short in your duties, old friend. Not something I’d tolerate for institutions that run with my grant, such as the Guild.”
Then he turned to his two ministers. “I’m open to suggestions, for resolution of this problem.”

The one with the complaint was quick to react, “You’re absolutely right in your intolerance for lethargy in duties, sire. This old relic must be relieved of his duties immediately; new talent is waiting.”
The Guildmaster aged ten more years in that moment. “My King, forgive me; but I have given many a big hits in my time. People still sing the songs I’ve composed of your ancestors’ bravery in battles. Young kids still enact old dramas I have narrated, when they play. There’s only so much one can stretch one’s imagination. I’m in my eighties now. I have shown everything I have seen in my life, in my dramas. And what my father saw in his, too.”
The jealous minister said, “So you want sympathy?”

“No,” said the other minister in a clear voice, before anyone else could say anything else. “Our Guildmaster wants no sympathy. He wants a recognition for his lifelong work; which is what we’ve all failed to give him. We have hooted with delight when the heroes of his drams won their fights with the villains. We have cried when the heroines of his dramas had heartbreaks. But have we ever appreciated the serene mind that thought-out all that? Have we ever appreciated that effort by acknowledging the power of imagination he has?”
No-one had an answer to that. But the Guildmaster nodded, joining his fingers for a mute gratitude to the minister.
The minister continued, “Sire, I believe there’s one drama you’re yet to show us.”
“And what would that be, son?”

“’The Guildmaster’. Your own life, sire. We have seen your art; but we’ve never seen the artist. We’re yet to see the experiences – happy or horrible or surreal as they may be – that turned an ordinary man into an extraordinary visionary. We’ve never thought about it before; but I’m sure your own life is full of adventures and comedies and tragedies and romances and deceptions and mysteries that must have shaped your mind; made it so imaginative. We’ve loved your art for we saw essence of life in it; so how thrilling it’d be to watch the essence of your own life that turned you into the revered Guildmaster! They say truth is more incredible than fiction. Yes sire; I believe we all want to see the real person behind all the persona.”
“Brilliant, minister,” exclaimed the king; and as everyone nodded in appreciation, he ordered the finance department to assist the Guildmaster for the task ahead. The old man smiled a grateful smile for the polite minister; with the spark of a twenty-year-old enthusiast who just found his passion, in his tearful eyes.

The Advisor turned to the jealous minister. “See, my friend? Both of you are bright. You stick to rules and that’s noble; but you react whereas he responds. You see a situation as it is; he notices how it could turn better. He looks for it; and he voices that accordingly. It’s how we speak that dictates life; and how life flows defines us. Communication is everything, my friend. It’s all in the speech; and in the thought that inspires it. Think positive; find what’s positive; voice out that positivity. That’s how we win hearts; that’s how we rule life.”

#communication #dialogue #speech #talk #speak #speaker #voice #opinion #verbal #vocal #reaction #response #focus #positive #negative #people #social #society #polite #word #language #semantics #appreciation #kindness #management #personality #connect #bondage #human #beauty

The Excited Bee

– “Is it wrong that I got so excited?”
– “It depends on two reality-checks.”
– “Which are?”
– “One: What excited you.”
– “And?”
– “Two: Why it excited you.”
– “How do these checks judge my actions?”
– “Running headlong into the excitement costs us. Checking reality beforehand saves us.”
– “How?”
– “Honey attracts a bee. So does the flame. The former is the bee’s food. The latter turns the bee into food. The bee wants to fly headlong into the flame; for it mistakes that light for an escape. That’s the ‘what’. It pays the price for it.”
– “And what about ‘why’?”
– “The ‘what’ is connected to the ‘why’. It helps us know ourselves. If the bee is conscious about its emotions, it’d realize that the idea of escape excites it; which means it feels trapped to begin with. Question is, why? Here, exploration turns to introspection. Why is it trapped? Who trapped it? Is it others? Or did it trap itself? How did it arrive here? Was something else here that excited it earlier? Does it have a pattern of getting excited over wrong things and trapping itself? Is this an unconscious game the bee plays with itself? To victimize itself and hope for sympathy from others?”
– “Yes… I can relate with that bee…”
– “Or maybe the trap isn’t the bee’s fault. But maybe the trap isn’t that serious either. Perhaps a bit of exploration would reveal a healthier exit. But maybe the bee doesn’t want that effort. It’s too lazy. And it fears criticism for that laziness. So burning its wings on the flame appeals to it – an excuse to halt further actions and hope for sympathy. Sympathy post self-handicapping.”
– “Seriously… I think I’m that bee… ”
– “Or maybe there’s no trap at all; but the flame still presents a false promise of something dazzling and glamorous and brilliant; and the bee has wishful thinking that what shimmers is always good. Maybe, it isn’t escape for it; but lust. Or maybe, it’s just too naïve; too curious; too ignorant.”
– “Yes… Or maybe it’s all of that for the bee…”
– “We have such bees among us. And flames too. A troubled single mom with two kids and mortgage; and a man with flashy smile and kind words, promising an escape from it all if only she says ‘yes’ to visiting his hotel-room. That’s the escape-scenario. A young boy who trusts women too quickly and finds himself penniless and heartbroken again and again. That’s the repetitive self-victimization scenario. A person who takes to substance use, for it’s thrilling; loses job and sabotages career; hoping for sympathy. That’s the self-handicapping scenario. A middle-age couple investing all their money into something they read in an e-mail; thinking it’s their guarantee to an early retirement; and getting duped. That’s the wishful thinking scenario.”
– “I agree. Bees and flames.”
– “Predators win because preys allow them to. Caution is the key to everything in life. Always make sure you’re above your emotions. Read what emotions tell you about yourself. Empower yourself with self-awareness; investigate and explore everything; stay true to only what’s solid; and no-one will ever dupe you.”

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Bullying: A Dressed Down Understanding

It starts with a realization.
“I’m empty,” is what it is.
Failures, everywhere.
Failure, in communication.
Failure, in developing healthy relations.
Failure, in building skills.
Failure, in being useful and productive.

Failures mock.
They don’t just mock the fact that they’re there.
They mock the reason why they’re there as well.
They mock the inaction.
They mock the laziness.
They mock the escapism from effort.
They mock the fact that one is insignificant.
And ignorable.
Without acknowledgement, there’s no existence.

It hurts; and it generates a reaction.
It demands a cover-up.
It demands a scam.
It demands projection of strength which isn’t there.
In the face of nothing to show, one wants to be seen.
One wants to be acknowledged.
One searches for ways for it.
Lack of productive ways turns one to destructive paths.
For it’s observed that pain demands to be felt.
And being the cause of pain is never ignored.
It’s assurance of existence.

Enter, the bully.
Enter, the compulsive stroke of pain to others.
A taunt to someone’s weakness in face of their strengths.
A derisive comment to someone’s positive post.
A farce of irrelevant moral policing on social media.
A game, turned successful if the target reacts.
For the reaction is proof of acknowledgment; and the bully feels safe.
For just a short while, of course.
For reality is always there, to blow the cover.
So it becomes a compulsive repetitive obsession.
To be a pain greater than the last time.

Key is response, not reaction.
One response is denied reciprocation.
A game can’t be played if the other player isn’t there.
A weed can’t grow if it’s isolated and denied water.
It’s silence; but not inaction.
It’s a call to the bully to face consequences of a failed game.
Such as wasted time and energy and effort.
It’s a long-term strategy.

Other way of response is to-the-point and surgical.
You don’t win a battle by fighting it on the front your enemy opens.
You open your own front. Take it to the source.
Hit them where it hurts.
Blow their cover.
By deducing which lack they’re covering.
And dragging that insecurity out in the open by verbally describing it to them.
Letting them see you’ve unlocked the connection between their bullyism and their fear.
Forcing them to face that insecurity.
It’s powerful; for it’s an attack on the source.
It forces them to go from offensive to defensive.
You’re changing the game. Turning the tables.
Worst fear of any predator is being turned to prey.
Do that to them; and you win.

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